Chapter 40

~A week later~

"I'm not going to lie, the audio we all heard of a man tell their fiancé who was in distress because they were in the middle of miscarrying their child due to all the stress that you caused, sir, was one of the most disturbing audios I have ever listened to." The judge aggressively points his finger in Luis's direction. "For that reason alone, I am granting the order of protection. You are not to be within 50 miles of the plaintiff. Not only that, going off of all the evidence presented here today including the injuries obtained by the defendant 'falling', which I think is a load of crap, I am ordering the defendant to complete five months of anger management and mandatory counseling. You keep going in the direction you are going in and I promise you, reality is going to slap you in the face so hard it will ruin any prospect of a future."

The judge gathered his file from in front of him before gathering the javelin. "This order of protection will last the maximum of ten years since I do believe the defendant will continue harassment if I were to give any less. You are very lucky she doesn't press charges against you for possible feticide. You'd be in jail for life. The order is granted effective immediately. Is the plaintiff near the location?"

The lawyer representing Lillian stood up, "Yes, your honor."

"Okay, then I suggest you, sir," He said, shaking the javelin towards Luis, "Make yourself scarce." The judge clapped the javelin down. "Court adjourned."

Luis was sitting next to his lawyer, his broken and bruised face stuck in a scowl from all the bandages and splints. His broken nose was hidden underneath the splint and gauze while two ugly purple and green bruises formed underneath his eyes like a mask of shame. The swelling of his cheeks was prominent, as his jaw was had an impacted fracture which required it to be wired shut for the next month or two; the corners of his mouth were bruised green from the recent surgery he had. On top of those two injuries, he had a mild concussion caused by his broken nose. He was barely able to talk, but still said nothing about how he truly acquired the injuries to anyone.

Lillian's lawyer grabbed the necessary paperwork from the desk provided in front of him before turning around to face Barry who only gave him a nod. Barry stood from his seat, walked out of the small civil courtroom with the lawyer on his heels, and headed towards the room Lillian and April were staying in.

April, who was acting as Lillian's personal bodyguard just in case anything happened, was drinking coffee alongside a very exhausted and quiet Lilly. She had barely said a word to anyone but Raphael, and even then it was only to answer a yes or no question. She had to admit, April did not feel one ounce of guilt upon seeing the battered face of that monster when she ran into him prior to the hearing. In fact, it brought her joy. No! It brought her anger to see him still alive. He got off easy in her eyes. She had apologized to Lillian, but Lilly knew the apology was fake. April wasn't sorry for any of it and Lilly wasn't mad.

They were placed in a beige room on the other side of the courthouse. Nothing but a coffee maker to occupy their time in one corner of the room and a table with two chairs in the other corner. This is where Lillian sat, staring blankly at the floor, forced to dress in something that she hadn't slept in a sweater, jeans, and tennis shoes. She was just as she looked, exhausted. Her eyes and face were both swollen from doing nothing but laying in bed all day. Life was dull at that moment. The only thing stopping her from slitting her wrists with any sharp object was poor Raphael, who was just as exhausted as she was. How quickly she went from being angry with him to wanting him, to needing him…she hadn't even begun to process it all. He was the only thing that was currently keeping her alive.

April looked at her watch, sighing in frustration. "It's been too long. Let's go back to the car, Lil'." She suggested impatiently.

Lillian shook her head, her dead stare never breaking from the floor. "You can, I'm going to wait." She said in a monotone voice that made April uneasy.

April frowned at her beloved friend wishing that there was something she could do or say that would magically change her attitude. She sighed heavily, taking a long sip from her coffee. She felt so useless.

The silence was heavy, surrounding both of them like a wet blanket until the door swung open and Barry appeared.

Lillian slowly raised her head, blinking at the sight of him until her vision focused. She then stood up, "Hi, dad."

Barry frowned at this, "It's done. Effective immediately for a maximum of ten years. He is not to be within 50 miles of you." His tone was happy but his expression was worried. Lillian didn't react to the news like he expected her to. She just nodded.

The lawyer followed right behind Barry, "So, in ten years, if you still feel as though he'd do something, we go to another hearing and ask the judge to extend it. We present the same evidence and you're safe and sound."

Safe and sound? Lillian cocked her head to the side at this. She'd never be safe and sound, but she decided against arguing. She turned to face April, holding out her hand for her to take. "Let's go home."

April didn't hesitate to go to her.

Lilly looked back at her lawyer, "Thank you for representing me. Seeing him right now is just…I would've said something I regretted in front of the judge."

The lawyer's eyes were full of pity, making Lillian nauseous. "You're absolutely welcome. I just care about keeping you safe."

Sure…

Lilly sighed, "Let's go."

"Raph, April is not going to let anything happen to Lilly. If there's a person we can trust to keep Lilly safe it's her. Pacing is not going to do anything." Donatello stated, annoyed that anyone would doubt April's ability to keep Lilly safe.

Raphael was like a caged animal, pacing back and forth to distract him from the thought of Luis and Lillian being in the same building. The possible scenarios that would creep their way into his mind, all of them involving that man taking, hurting, or even just talking to Lillian would send chills up and down his spine and made all the blood in his veins boil with furious adrenaline. He should've killed him.

All the brothers were parked a block away from the courthouse in a small alleyway, packed in the train car, and all nervous at the outcome.

While Raphael had been pacing since Lillian had left with April, Michelangelo had been just as angry as his older brother. But most of his anger had been directed towards Raphael than anyone else. When Lillian had told him to move out of her way, her tone dark, her eyes flaring with fury, only for her to just hold Raphael close and drag him immediately to the bedroom it made him boil with resentment, his mind flashing clearly at just how selfish his brother could be. Lillian was in tears when she dragged him and Raphael gleefully followed her.

Michelangelo scoffed in disgust, his arms tightly crossed across his chest while he stared and sat in front of the map used to help navigate around New York. "He's probably dying to get her back home…" He muttered.

"Of course he is but pacing is not going to make time go by faster." Donnie huffed. The more he looked at Raphael, the more nervous he himself got at the thought of something happening to April.

Leo was also watching Raphael intensely, "Everything is going to be alright."

"You don't know that," Raphael growled roughly.

Donatello rolled his eyes, "You don't know that anything is going to happen."

"You guys don't know this guy. The power he has, the people he knows. You think he's just going to willingly go down without her?" Raphael explained, cracking his knuckles at the thought of him touching Lilly. "Guys like that don't give up."

Lillian told him about staying in a room with April and how if she didn't feel safe, she'd run out to stay with him but even then his stomach rolled at the thought of maybe… It was annoying everyone else, especially Donnie, but he did not care one bit. It was the idea of something else happening to Lillian that sat heavily on his shoulders.

It had been hours.

"It's been too long," Raphael grunted.

"It's court. So duh." Mikey scoffed.

Raphael glared at his little brother. All week long he had been giving him an attitude that was way out of the ordinary but also quickly getting on his last nerves. There was an obvious elephant in the room, but Raphael did not see it nor did he care. If there was a problem, then Michelangelo should grow up and come to him; say it to his face instead of being a little bitch. It obviously wasn't serious if he's not saying anything but even so…Raphael had about enough.

Donatello's T-phone suddenly buzzed, it was April. Reading the text made him sigh. "They're coming out. The order of protection was granted for ten years. She said it was the maximum."

"Ten years? That's ridiculous." Mikey spat. "Why don't they put it permanently?"

"A permanent protection order is only granted to victims of a crime," Donatello explained, receiving a furious glare from Raphael. "This isn't to say he hasn't committed a crime. He has not been convicted of a crime and therefore the judge probably thought there was no need for a permanent protection order." He quickly explained before his brother could open his mouth to throw curses or threats.

Raphael clenched his fists at his side.

"You think he'll follow it?" Mikey asked.

"He better. He has no other choice. Either he doesn't, gets caught and goes to jail, or doesn't and I kill him." Raphael snapped.

Mikey rolled his eyes, "That's what you said last time. He's still breathing."

"Weren't you the one telling me not to?"

"Weren't you the one not giving a shit about what anyone said? Oh yeah, and you went and pulled that stupid stunt."

Raphael refused to look shocked at his baby brother's language. "You got a fucking problem, say it to my face. But this attitude of yours is about to get a serious adjustment."

"I got a problem? Yeah, whatever man."

"Guys, come on, let's not do this now." Leonardo groaned at the two.

"Do what? I'm not the one that has some sort of stick up their ass." Raphael spat.

Michelangelo threw his head back and laughed, "You are something else."

"Me?" Raphael really didn't want to focus his energy on fighting him, but he was asking for it. "What the fuck is your problem? Say it or shut the fuck up entirely before I-"

"My problem is you only ever think about yourself. You are a selfish piece of shit and I'm frankly sick of everyone letting you take advantage of someone who is going through so much just so you could-"

"Whoa whoa whoa! What in the fuck are you talking about?" Raphael stopped him before he could continue, completely and utterly confused. "Who am I taking advantage of?" Mikey shook his head instead of giving him a direct answer. Raphael blinked, "You deaf? Who am I taking advantage of?"

"Fuck you, Raph."

Raphael narrowed his eyes, "Me? Fuck you!" He took a step towards him. "Who am I taking advantage of? Say it."

Donatello let out a small moan of aggravation before standing up just in case. There was no way he'd be able to stop this from happening since it seemed like this confrontation had been simmering for a long time and was now about to boil over, but still, he had to try.

Mikey shook his head, "You know exactly who I'm talking about. You sure were quick to be dragged into your bedroom that one night."

Raphael scoffed, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Quick to shut the door behind you and all while Lilly was going through the worst thing imaginable."

Raphael's eyes widened slightly when his mind clicked at what Michelangelo was insinuating. "Oh you- I can't-you think I-"

"You only think about yourself!" Mikey screamed. "You don't deserve her."

Raphael scoffed, "What Lilly and I do behind closed doors is nobody's fucking business!" He pushed Mikey's shoulders back. "You're just fucking jealous. Frankly, I'm sick of it."

"Jealous!"

Lillian laced her fingers with April's as they both walked out of the courthouse, her lawyer behind her and her father in front. Out of the corner of her vision, she could see a figure walking away from the group, yet she felt eyes on her. Out of curiosity, she turned, only to see Luis's bandaged face looking directly at her.

She felt her heart plummet at the sight of him. Her mind flashed back to the first time she had seen him. He had caught her eye because of how tall and handsome he was, and when he talked to her, he was charming yet arrogant. She wasn't interested in a relationship with him at first because of his arrogance, telling him she wanted nothing serious and from then he was hooked. And they were together and it was real and then somewhere along the way it wasn't anymore.

April noticed Lillian stopped in her tracks. When she looked she immediately sprung into action, pulling Lillian harshly behind her so she could step in front of her. "Barry," she stated. "Grab Lillian."

Luis wasn't moving, his hands were tucked in his pockets, his stance relaxed while his stare was just as broken as his face.

Barry quickly wrapped an arm around Lillian's shoulders, speed walking across the street towards where the motorized train car. "Come on, let go."

Lillian suddenly felt a rush of anguish in her chest when she broke the stare by turning her head so she could focus on where she was going. Tears burned her eyes and no matter how hard she tried to, she could swallow the painful lump that strained her throat. She let out a small sob, quickly covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

She shook her head, "I trusted him. I trusted him. I loved him and he…" she sobbed.

"It's all over now," Barry said softly. "Steven, thank you for everything. I'll take it from here." Barry told the lawyer, relieving him of his duty. "I will contact you later."

Steven waited until they were near the alleyway before placing a hand on Lillian's shoulder. "You're so brave." He said softly with a squeeze before leaving.

Lillian felt sick at the fact that she was so close to breaking down and no one seemed to try and hold her together. Were the tears not obvious? Was her pain not visible?

April led the two to the alley where the train car was parked, but before she knocked on the door to alert the guys she could hear a commotion coming from inside. "Son of a bitch," she cursed, finding the strength to yank the side door open and revealing Donatello and Leonardo trying to pull Raphael and Michelangelo off of each other.

She stepped onto the train, "You guys!" She yelled grabbing a hold of Raphael's arm and yanking him far enough she could place her hand on his chest and push him back. "Now? You're doing this now?" She screamed, fighting the urge to smack both of them.

Barry helped Lillian into the car, silent tears were still streaming down her face as she entered, dead-eyed and quiet. Barry frowned at the sight in front of him, "Take her home and stop being children. If you were citizens, you'd already be paying taxes for Christ's sake." He spat before slamming the door behind Lillian.

For a moment, all eyes were on Lillian. She never looked at anyone, not even Raphael. Instead, she turned to face the wall, thoughts, and memories crumbling in her mind. The more she remembered, the angrier she got. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she panted.

How dare he… All these years, all this pain, all this trauma, she'd never thought it would end this way so how dare he force her hand like this! She wasn't in love with him anymore, no of course not, but that was his fault for treating her love as if it had no right to be respected. How dare he! It was all fake. It was all about control. It was never about love. He lied to her. He broke her. He put his hands on her and violated her trust. He took away her right to choose what to do with her body, he took away her right to choose! How dare he betray her like that! The stress killed the baby she and Raphael were going to raise! How dare he take that!

How dare he do that to Raphael!

She placed her hand on the door, gently patting it before she began smacking it. Then with both hands, she slammed her palms onto the door. All these memories meant shit to him and it was all about controlling her and forcing her to be with him. Something she didn't want to do. She balled up her fists and began to punch the door as hard as she could, all the while crying and sobbing.

Raphael was horrified at what he was seeing, but when he took a step to grab her both Leo and April stopped him. He looked at both of them with wide horrified eyes but the look on their faces told him this needed to happen.

Lillian's knuckles were raw from the punching, but the pain only encouraged her to use all the strength she had to continue wailing on the door. "How could you!" She sobbed. The smiles, the laughs, the jokes, those tender moments. "It was all a lie!" The proposal, the apartment, the empty promises. "It was all a lie!" The fights, the arguments, the pregnancy. "How could you do that to me!" She punched, she kicked, she screamed! "I trusted you!" Her lungs were burning, the skin on her knuckles was now broken and small cuts were beginning to form. "You were everything to me and now you're nothing! Why did you do that to me! Why!" She repeated over and over and over again like some wild banshee, her throat was raw but all this pain just made her want to cause more.

April suddenly felt sick at the sight of her, holding a hand to her mouth to cover the whimper that escaped. Donatello wrapped a protective arm around April's waist, dragging her in so she could bury her face into his neck to look away. Michelangelo couldn't believe the sight that was happening before him, his eyes filling with tears of shame. She was experiencing all this pent-up pain and grief and all he could do was fight with his brother, the person she was in love with. Leonardo, although disturbed, never looked away at the sight of the broken girl he considered his sister. His heart pounded painfully for her, not since his father's passing did he feel such horrific pain.

The fact that she had been holding all of the agonies in after all the nights she had curled up into him silently and he had reiterated that he was there for her if she needed him, she was still holding all of this in. Was it him that she didn't trust to understand what she was going through? Was it fear and previous trauma? No, this has absolutely nothing to do with him and everything to do with her broken heart. Raphael had always wondered if Lillian had fallen in love again and forgotten about him and she did and it was a relief because he knew it was hard for her to love completely. But she had!

And that love was betrayed.

Lillian fell to her knees after her muscles were exhausted to a point where she couldn't anymore. Her cries were now soft and raspy, her throat in as much pain as her hands which were, when she looked down at them, her read, raw, bloody, and shaking so bad she was unable to still it. In fact, her hands were the only things trembling, her entire body was shaking as if she were freezing. Since her throat hurt from the screaming, it also hurt sucking in air, her lungs were burning, begging for air while her diaphragm was spasming if from all the exertion and not enough inhalation.

She frantically thought of something to ground herself before she went into utter panic. When she shut her eyes and thought, there was only one thing that could calm her with just a touch. "R-Ra…ph…" she stuttered painfully.

Raphael didn't waste time going to her side, kneeling next to her and placing a comforting hand on her back to let her know he was there. His eyes bored into hers with the same pain she had, there was no pity or sympathy that stung just love and understanding. She reached for him and pulled him into her, clinging to his neck desperately and trembling when he held her close. His soft voice telling her to 'breathe' was like he was administering CPR like he was breathing for her. She gasped and finally was able to taste the air.

Whilst Donnie was still holding April, he motioned to Leonardo to drive. Everyone was exhausted, everyone just wanted to go home and turn the page on this chapter.

Raphael watched her eyes flutter open next to him.

Once Lillian was able to compose herself and calm her body, immense exhaustion overcame her and she practically collapsed in Raphael's arms so quickly that it almost scared him and he had Donatello quickly check her pulse and vitals as best he could. Once they made it home, Raphael refused to leave her side when he set her back in his room and on his bed.

His plastron and chest plates were the first things she saw when she opened her eyes. Not sure if it was real or if she was still dreaming, her hand reached and her fingers traced the grooves and indents received in battle with his family. Her fingers went up towards his skin, and once contact was made between her fingertips and the cool warmth of his smooth scales, the tingle that ran through her was enough proof to let her know she was not dreaming.

His large hand slowly came up and grabbed hers gently so as to not startle her. She quickly pulled her hand out of his grip and for a moment a bolt of pain strikes his heart. That fear was immediately quelled when she rested her hand on his cheek. When they locked eyes, it was a rush of calm that came over him and neither of them needed to say a word. She was broken and distant, but her touch and stare told him what was left of her were still there with him. With her smile, she told him she was grateful for him being there when she awoke. And with his hand gently squeezing her wrist, he told her he loved her.

Her eyes moved to her bandaged knuckles, "Oh…" she whispered at the memory of her outburst.

"Donnie wrapped you up when you were sleeping." He said so softly as if his deep voice would startle her away.

She held up both of her hands, clenching and unclenching them to see which one hurt the most. "I'm turning into you," she joked.

Raphael chuckled, the joke sending waves of consolation through him. She was okay enough to make jokes. "You making jokes now?"

She rubbed her eyes, laughing softly. She could feel the tension from all the events of the day suddenly begin to crack. Enough weight was lifted from her shoulders to give her the courage to talk. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"It happens. You were holding in a lot." He rested his hand on her stomach, his thumb gently caressing if. "Was there a reason you didn't tell me?"

"I…" she placed her hand on his, positive he could feel the butterflies he was causing even with such a small act of affection. "I don't like talking about my exes with my current partner. Especially you."

"Why?" He couldn't help but feel a little insulted.

"I just…" she sighed. If Raphael was going to be her husband then her trust in him, regardless of how tattered it was in general, had to be stronger than her fear of his reaction. She had never been the type to kiss and tell about her relationships, even with her friends. But this was Raphael, this was different. It was time for a change. She took in a deep breath. "As horrible as he is, with everything he's put me through, I am still in so much pain that it was so easy for him to treat me like I was nothing but another thing to control. I truly loved him." she looked into Raphael's eyes, smiling when she realized something small and sweet, "Although I've never loved someone as much as I did with you, what I did feel was real and he just fucking destroyed it."

He wanted to smile, but her small confession made him unbelievably sad. "Do you need a break?" Maybe was she needed was a chance to mourn and be by herself, to get over the hurt caused by Luis first before being with him.

Lillian blinked at the term, she turned to face him. "A break from us?"

"To…process what he's done."

Lilly pressed her hand to his mouth to stop him before he could continue. "I don't need to leave you to work on everything."

"Okay, but… I wouldn't blame you. You've been through so much and it's not me being in the picture helped a bunch." When her face shifted, he figured he wasn't really helping here either. He sighed, his head rubbing his bald head. "It's okay…"

Lillian felt her eyes fill with tears. It sounded like a break-up but at the same time it didn't. She sighed, attempting to steady her voice before she spoke. "You…is that what you want?"

He blinked at her question, "What I want is for you to be okay. You know I'd do anything for that."

"Breaking up won't fix anything." She said her voice hardening. "It will only make things worse, Raphael."

"Lillian," he frowned at her tone, trying his best not to escalate the conversation. "I don't want to break up either but…sometimes being by yourself when you're going through something as heavy as you just went through help." His hand gently enveloped hers to catch her attention. "Just being with me may not be enough. You gotta think about yourself."

Lillian couldn't believe what she was hearing. She could see his intentions in his eyes, they were so soft and full of worry. He loved her so much, she knew this but…her mind was made up. "You have always been enough for me, Raph."

"That's not what I meant." He twisted himself so that he could sit up from his bed. When he shifted, she sat up as well. "I mean, maybe your parents and Ian are right, I'm just being selfish by not pushing you to get help."

"You have been the least selfish person during this whole thing. You have been the only one letting me make my own decisions. I don't need another person trying to tell me what's good for me."

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

She slowly stood from the bed, wrapping her sore arms around her waist as if it would prevent her from falling apart. "Then what is it that you're trying to do because…it sounds like you're trying to break up again." Her voice was that of a child. "I choose you."

Raphael pushed himself away from the brick wall, allowing his feet to be firmly placed on the floor. He held his head in his hands for a moment in panicked thought. He didn't want to argue and possibly do more damage but no matter what he was going to say, she'd cry. He hated when she'd cry. He stood up from his bed and stood in her face. "I want you to choose yourself. Not me." He finally said, his voice soft yet stern. The silence that followed chilled both of them to the bone.

He was seriously doing this again? She was so confused, why was this always the solution. She always picked him, no matter what, she wanted to be with him.

Once she felt the teardrop roll down her cheek, she snapped out of those pitiful thoughts and focused, quickly wiping the tear away. "Fine. I'll choose me from now on." A sudden memory popped up in her mind. An offer… A safe haven.

Raphael didn't say anything, in fact, he shut his mouth and nodded. Maybe his point was finally made and she actually changed her mind. It was bittersweet, yet still so fucking painful.

"I want to leave. Now."

There it was. Horrid words that stung like venom. He had to go along. "Okay. If that's what you think is best for you."

"No, I want to go to April farmhouse now."

Raphael looked up at her as if she was insane, "Are you insane?"

"No, I choose what's best for me and I think if we stay here longer we won't make it so let's go now." She pointed at the suitcase that April had brought, still unpacked and untouched. "My shit is in there and whatever I brought I can just pack again. You don't need anything. Let's pack a van and go."

He sat back down on the edge of his bed, his shoulders slumped in an almost defeated posture. Why did she have to be so difficult? Why'd she had to be so stubborn? His point was definitely not made. "Lil…" he sighed.

Lillian grabbed his face, forcing him to look up at her. She was so angry and so sad at the same time but still, she was as serious as she's ever been. "Listen to me, I will not let you decide what I'm going to do to help me. You do not get to tell me it's better if we're not together when I know you love me. We are going to the fucking farmhouse wherever it is and work on us together. Do you understand?"

Raphael wrapped his fingers around her bony wrist and pulled her hands away from his face. "Lillian."

"No! Fuck you, Raph! I am not letting you do this to me." She cried, pushing his shoulders. "I am not letting you choose for me. You are better than Luis."

He winced at this. Of course, he was better than that fucker! Even though sometimes, he felt like he caused Lillian more damage than… he shook his head from the thought. "I know that."

"Then let me make my choices. I choose to leave but I am not leaving with you." Lillian went over to the suitcase April brought her, picking it up and heaving it towards Raphael. "Pack the van." She demanded. "Let's both leave."

Raphael flashed her a burning glare before standing up from the bed. Taking two steps till he was in her face, he stared down at her with such anger it almost frightened her. What was he going to do next? In all her time getting to know and actually being with Raphael, never had she been scared of him even at his angriest. She knew he'd never hurt her. But comparing him to her ex who had seemingly been the cause of everyone's problem and stress might have gone a little too far. She took a deep breath to calm the thud of fear in her heart, then gathered whatever courage she had left in her chest and glared back at him. The air was electric around them, and for a moment she didn't know if he was going to yell at her, leave the room or start packing. The silence was making her angrier.

When her eyes traveled from his eyes to his mouth for a split second, he took the break in eye contact as a sign to move. He swiftly gripped her face in between his hands and pulled her to him, slamming his mouth onto hers in a desperate attempt to show his gratitude for her decision. After everything he has done to her, after everything she has been through in the last few weeks…hell she's been going through it since he came back into her life! After all the pain and scars, she still chose him. Even when she was choosing herself, she wanted him at her side. And he'd gladly stay there for as long as she wanted. So instead of dropping to his knees and thanking her like some pathetic child, he kissed her.

Lillian's eyes widened at first, her hands straight out at her sides in shock. It wasn't until the touch of his mouth on hers that she realized how long it truly was since they last kissed each other this way. Passionately… Her hands grabbed onto his wrists, her eyes slowly closed, and she kissed him back.

Just before she could truly enjoy the kiss, he pulled away, leaving her cold. He pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes never opened. "I'm always going to think you're crazy for…being with me." He whispered. Lilly opened her mouth but he beat her to it. "But…I'm with you. No matter what." He finally opened his eyes.

Lilly felt her heart ache at the gleam in them. She smiled softly, her arms coming up to wrap around his neck to pull him back in for another kiss. Just like the last one, passionate and deep. She wanted to kiss him and pretend like she was 17 again when his kisses were new and they just got lost in each other's breaths. Her tongue gently touched his mouth, when he reciprocated, she felt her stomach flutter and a familiar ache began between her legs.

There was a noticeable shift in the room. Raphael's arms slid down to her waist for a moment before moving down to her butt, then in-between her thighs to lift her up further deepening the kiss. She wrapped her legs around him, moaning against his wide mouth, their kisses now desperate and hungry. He turned around, slowly leaning forward to gently place Lillian on the bed without breaking the kiss.

Yes, finally… She wanted this. She wanted him after so long, she still yearned for him. Her heart was pounding so fast she thought she'd pass out. She wanted all he had to offer her. She wanted relief from all the pain. She wanted him to touch her, to drive her crazy, and have him be the only thing on her mind. No dark thoughts, no more tears, no more anger. Just pleasure… She wanted him to make her forget. She wanted to pretend that she was again 17 and nothing ever happened between them. She needed him to do that just for a moment.

Raphael had to stop himself before he went to the point of no return. It had been too long since he had been with someone else, let alone with Lillian! Ever since he found out she was back all he could think about was being with her once again and seeing how great it was now that they both have more experience. But it wasn't the right time, and the image of her beating the wall of the train car and screaming frantically was on repeat in his mind. He broke the kiss, shamefully avoiding her stare.

"I…" he panted, swallowing hard to somehow get rid of his cotton mouth. "I'll uh…" he finally looked at her. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks flushed, she was out of breath, and god, he wanted her so much but it wasn't the right time. "I'll talk to Leo." He went to touch her face but decided against it, balling his fist before burying it in the thin bedsheet. She looked so beautiful, so tired… "We'll go in the morning."

She wanted to ask why he stopped but…she knew why. She grabbed his wrists, "But-"

"Tomorrow," he repeated. "You have to rest today. Please…"

She felt her heart pang in her chest at his pleads. She nodded, "Okay, tomorrow, I'll pack tonight."

Raphael was going to move away but she pulled him back to kiss him once more. This time it was just a quick sweet kiss.

"Tomorrow?"

Raphael winced at everyone all at one yelling the same thing. Soon after, he watched April get up from her seat and run towards Raphael's room where Lillian was taking whatever clothes she had and packing them once again. Michelangelo soon followed, giving Raphael a dirty look as he passed him.

"It's not my decision, but Lil' made the point that if we don't leave soon, we may not make it." Raphael rubbed the back of his neck. "I kinda agree after today. And I'm not gonna wait for it to happen."

"But what about you?" Leonardo said. "With all that's happened, what do you want?"

Raphael glared at him, "I want her."

Donnie leaned forward from his seat on the sofa, resting his forearm on his knees. "He means, do you want to go?"

"I want to be where she goes." That was his way of saying 'yes'. He didn't know why he was being evasive, but he didn't know why they were asking such stupid questions either. Especially Donatello, who knew about Lillian being his wife.

"Raph, you are still recovering from everything that happened before you and Lillian got back together. Not to mention, the loss of a child that we all knew you wanted to raise-"

"What's your fucking point, Leo? I'm not gonna set her shit aside because I'm sad some fantasy I made up in my mind didn't fucking pan out." He snapped the mention of Lillian's child seemingly making him even more upset.

"I think you should deal with your problems-"

"What the fuck do you think I'm going to do when we're there? It's like what Barry said, we haven't even had a chance to just be a couple like…" he rubbed his face in embarrassment at repeating something smart but on his tongue, it sounded pathetic. "What the difference between a week from now and now?"

"Well, the events of today," Donnie said. He stood up from his seat and went up to his brother. "Leo is just worried everything is going to be so overwhelming and you'll relapse. It's not just Lilly who has gone through some traumatic things. You did too."

He clenched his fists at his side and squeezed his eyes shut. Not right now. Save the pain for later. "We have to do this. I'm not going to lose her again."

Donnie rested a hand on his brother's shoulder instead of saying anything. In reality, Donatello wasn't as worried as Leonardo. He knew his brother was okay enough to help Lilly, in fact, it was Lilly that was motivating him to be okay in the first place.

Leonardo watched both of them and thought about what his father would do if he were alive today. It was almost as if Leonardo, for the first time, saw his brother as a grown adult who didn't need to be babysat or watched over, who could make his own decisions even if he wasn't completely okay. This wasn't just Lillian's choice, this was his. So he sighed, "Okay…"

"Lilly after everything that happened today, don't you think you should take at least a day to process it all," April asked, watching Lillian fold the shirts Raphael had unpacked when she came a week ago.

"We're going tomorrow. Not today." She said simply, continuing to pack.

"But…you can't-"

"I can. And I will. I think we've been through so much already if we don't start paying attention to us and work through things, we're going to break up again and you know why I can't just let that happen." She explained, her voice monotone but very different than before. At

At least now it sounded like she had a little life in her.

"Is this Raph's idea?" Michelangelo asked, leaning against the door frame.

Lillian shook her head, "He's letting me make all the decisions now."

"But this doesn't sound like you. I mean, after everything, you're just going to leave? That sounds exactly like-"

"Mikey," Lillian sighed, finally shoving the last of her shirts into a duffel bag. "I don't like dancing around the point and it sounds like you're trying to say something without saying it so…" she zipped up the duffel bag. "Get to it."

Mikey shrugged if she asked. "Is Raph forcing you? Taking advantage of the fact that you're going through…"

Lillian straightened, crossing her arms over her chest. "Is that what you think of your brother?"

"Well I mean, has he proved me wrong? Last week he almost killed your ex and then happily let you drag him here and probably-"

"Probably what?" Lillian growled. Never before had she ever gotten so angry at Michelangelo because if there was someone she trusted just as much as Raphael it was Mikey and April. But his silence made her so furious that her body reacted before she could think and process anything.

She took at least two steps towards him before pushing his chest as hard as she could. He took a step backward and she gave it another go, pushing him out of the room.

"How dare you, Michelangelo!" She shouted, pushing him once again. "Not only is it horrible to see what you think of your brother! But to question whether or not I am the one choosing this? What happens between me and your brother has no concern for you because it doesn't warrant concern!"

"Lil' I am only saying this because you and him of done things so fast and even after what you went through, it seemed like you guys just kept going."

"Maybe because we love each other, Mikey. Maybe because through the shit you're supposed to stay with each other and help-"

"Leaving is helping! Leaving us again?! That's helping!" Mikey screamed, immediately feeling ashamed for yelling at such an important person to him but being brought to that point. "Helping who? You? Or him? Because leaving doesn't sound like something you would do. "

Raphael turned around when he heard the distress in Lillian's voice, just in time to see Mikey being shoved out of the room. At first, he was confused but that quickly turned to anger once Michelangelo's tone was a little too aggressive and his voice was a little too loud. He sure as hell wasn't talking to Lilly that way while Raphael was near. He made his way towards the both of them.

"My decision means my decision! Your brother has never forced me to do anything I've never wanted to do and you thinking he has, you think he'd be as low as to take advantage of the fact that I'm down-"

"I'm saying it's just the same fucking song in a different fucking tune. You're leaving and taking out your pain on us. We didn't do shit to you."

Raphael stood between them before Mikey got too close, "Watch your fucking mouth." He snarled.

"You've hurt her so many times I've lost count and yet she's at your beck and call. I'm starting to think she'd be better off without you in her life."

Lillian pushed Raphael out of the way, giving Michelangelo another push before Raphael could grab her by the waist. "Don't you ever say shit like that in front of me? How dare you! How fucking dare you, Michelangelo!" Her face was red with fury, her eyes stinging with tears. "I am so incredibly disappointed in you."

Instead of saying anything else, Mikey glared at the both of them before running out of the lair.

Lillian wiped her eyes, "We're going tomorrow. If anyone has a problem with that, keep to yourself." She stared at April, in case she was going to say anything again. April simply shook her head and exited the room.

Lillian took Raphael by the hand and drug him back into the room before slamming the door behind both of them.