"Hey Catalina, baby!" CJ called as he entered the front porch. "It's me, Carl Johnson!"
He knocked on the door.
"Hey baby, I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot!" CJ continued. There was no answer.
"I've had a rough time, baby!" CJ shouted. "You know, maybe I was a little harsh! Please forgive me! C'mon, baby!"
Still no answer.
"Open up the door – shit," CJ muttered. He took a peep through one of the windows. "Is she here?" CJ asked himself, still peering through the glass window.
The glass was too hazy for CJ to even see anything inside.
"I don't see nothing," he grumbled. He knocked on the door once again.
"C'mon, baby, don't be mad, baby please!" he continued to beg.
But all he heard was silence. He stepped away from the porch and looked around the hideout. There were three tombstones on the left side of the cabin.
"Baby, without you, there is no Carl Johnson!" CJ continued.
At this point, CJ felt pathetic. He was begging for a woman he didn't even know to come out and was practically apologizing for nothing.
"Damn, man, shit," CJ pouted as he took another step in front of the hideout. "Now where is this stupid bitch?"
Before he could react, he felt someone's foot shove him to the ground and violently pull him by the collar, as well as a gun cocking.
"Here, cabron!" he heard Catalina say. He looked up just in time to watch the crazy Latina woman holding him at gun point. The barrel of the pistol was pointed right at his right temple, and CJ just knew he was caught by surprise. "Who's the bitch now, eh?" Catalina asked smugly.
"Shit!" CJ muttered under his breath. While he knew it wasn't a smart idea to act out in defense, he didn't wanted to come off as a wuss pleading for mercy.
Man, if Ryder was here to see this, he'd probably never let me hear the end of it, he thought. He could already hear Ryder's voice taunting him for this.
"I thought you was an OG, homie! Yet you let this bitch make you her bitch?! Youse a busta, CJ! Straight busta!"
"Look. calm down, okay," CJ told Catalina calmly, trying to keep his composure. "I'm just here to work with you. I'm sorry I left you, baby!"
"What was that?" the psychopathic Latina asked.
"I said I'm sorry if I left you behind," CJ told her. "I just had a lot of shit on my mind, is all. Please forgive me, baby. Don't start going crazy now." Then he started to lose his composure. "Just don't fucking shoot me! Please!" he cried out sharply.
CJ couldn't believe it. A young gangbanger, who has been fearless and brave enough to battle his way through many rival gangs while trying to protect the ones he loved, was now down on his knees and was slowly starting to show a hint of fear while a psychopath was holding him at gun point. The fact that he kept on repeating the word "baby" in almost every sentence he was talking in certainly wasn't helping his case. It was the most embarrassing moment for CJ.
Enough was enough for CJ. It was time for him to stay calm about this and suck it up. He was a gangster, and begging for his life like a coward would get him nowhere. So CJ took a deep breath and kept his cool.
"You think you sorry, huh?!" Catalina replied, still sounding skeptical. "How you going to prove you're sorry?"
"C'mon now, baby, c'mon," CJ told her calmly. He tried to sweet talk the woman to make himself seem more confident. "I am going to play with you SO rough, baby."
"Keep talking!" Catalina demanded.
"And I'll take you to rob banks and shit," CJ continued. This caused Catalina to quiver amorously. "I'll let you kill anyone you want to kill," CJ continued to convince. Catalina then hummed calmly.
"I am going to treat you right, baby," CJ told her, keeping his composure right before gradually beginning to panic again. "Just... c'mon...just please don't shoot me."
"Carl," Catalina told the gangbanger. "I think I love you." She then lowered her pistol and had a soothing and sudden serene look in her face as if going through an orgasm.
CJ quickly altered from feeling apprehensive to now confused. "Err...shit, that's great!" CJ said, still sounding more perplexed. "Cool! Yeah, fantastic! All that!"
He slowly got back up onto his feet. Catalina was about two inches shorter and was still feeling rather amorous and silent.
"You wanna go rob some shit, baby?" CJ asked in a more meticulous tone of voice hoping Catalina wouldn't try anything.
But she just chuckled amorously. "Hm-hmm, ha ha! Hm-hmm!"
Well that was the strangest shit I've ever seen, CJ thought as he followed Catalina to her vehicle.
"Aye, what we got left?" CJ asked as he and Catalina entered the vehicle.
"Are you stupid?" Catalina asked as CJ started the car. "You forgot already?! The bank in Palomino Creek, the liquor store in Blueberry, the betting shop in Montgomery."
"Okay," CJ told her, staring at the map. "But this time we gon' do it real chill, no crazy psycho shit, baby."
"Speak for yourself, soft boy!" Catalina told him as CJ finally made a left turn in the road. "Today, I feel like killing all the men I meet!"
"Aw baby!" CJ complained while driving and making it to Blueberry.
"Don't worry," Catalina promised. "I make an exception for some of the men in my life. Now drive faster!"
After about five seconds of driving around, CJ spotted the liquor store up ahead.
"That's the place!" Catalina shouted. "Stop here!" CJ pulled the car over and the two hopped out of the car.
"This place will be a walk in the park!" Catalina said confidently.
"You mean like the last place?" CJ asked snidely.
Just then, four cowboys riding in quads arrived at the liquor store.
"Who are these cowboy assholes?" Catalina asked as the cowboys got off of their vehicles.
"Hang back awhile," CJ told her, "see what's what."
It was clear. The cowboys have robbed the store before CJ and Catalina even had a chance to. They promptly exited out of the store holding briefcases of the cash with them.
"We got the cash!" one of them bragged. "Let's get out of here!"
They hopped on their quads and began to speed away.
So much for our own robbery, CJ thought. They beat us to it.
Catalina, however, was too stubborn to let the whole thing slide.
"Those maricon bastards have our money!" she screamed like a whiny teenage girl. "That's my money!"
Catalina promptly shot and killed the last cowboy, knocking his corpse off the quad bike. "Bleed, stupid motherfucker!" she shouted. "Carl, you drive, I'll shoot!"
CJ hopped on the quad bike, with Catalina hopping on behind. The radio turned on, with "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins playing on the station. CJ sighed, as this kind of music wasn't his personal taste.
"Don't change that station, CJ!" Catalina demanded. "This song describes us perfectly!"
"I bet it does," CJ replied sarcastically.
"Let's go!" Catalina demanded, and CJ rode the bike to chase after the other three remaining cowboys, with the music on the radio station playing.
This was the first time CJ has driven a quad bike, and from the looks of it, he had no idea how to ride it correctly. His steering was slightly too sharp, and the dirt road on the grassy land was getting bumpier.
"They're making fools of us!" Catalina shouted at CJ.
"What, you think I'm making that happen?" CJ shot back. "I've never driven a quad before! I'm going as fast as I can!"
CJ had to be careful not to ride so fast since he still wasn't used to controlling the quad bike, especially when he was riding on a grassy, dirt land. By the time he finally caught up to the cowboys, he was back on the road.
As the cowboys crossed the road to the other side of the land, Catalina leaned forward and began firing at the cowboys. "Eat metal, assholes!" Catalina shouted at them.
"Watch my damn head, bitch!" CJ scolded Catalina.
The psychopathic Latina woman just continued firing at the cowboys. When CJ finally got closer to the cowboys, he himself began firing at them as well. He found it more difficult, however, with Catalina still shooting behind him while holding it right besides his head.
"You're messing with the baddest bitch of the Badlands!" Catalina shouted as she finally shot one of the cowboys off his quad.
"Stop shooting that thing right next to my ear!" CJ chided, sounding more irritated.
The sounds of the tech nines shooting right besides his ear felt like someone banging on his eardrum with a bunch of bells to him. He felt himself going deaf every time Catalina would continue shooting behind him and started to become somewhat dizzy. This certainly wasn't helped by the fact that one of his least favorite songs was playing loudly on the radio, causing such a major dissonance to his ears throughout the combined cacophony.
"I'm gonna kill all you stupid pigs!" Catalina shouted as she shot another one of the cowboys off his quad bike.
As CJ stopped, Catalina hopped off and picked up the briefcase of cash from the ground. She hopped back onto the quad bike with CJ.
"What are you waiting for?!" Catalina shouted at CJ sternly. "We still gotta take those other two assholes!"
CJ groaned in frustration. Without another word, he reluctantly complied to Catalina's demands and continued riding.
"Your pathetic driving is helping them escape!" Catalina shouted at CJ.
"Hey," CJ shouted back, "I had to stop so you could pick up the fucking cash, remember?!"
"Just shut up and drive!" Catalina told him.
CJ continued riding after the cowboys as they entered a small town called Montgomery. When CJ got closer once again, Catalina leaned over his shoulder and began firing.
"Drink my piss!" she shouted at them.
"I can't hear anything!" CJ complained vociferously. "I'm deaf!"
"Nobody survives Catalina!" Catalina shouted as she finally killed the remaining two cowboys at the same time. "Nobody!"
CJ stopped the quad bike and Catalina picked up the last two briefcases on the ground. She hopped back on the quad bike with CJ and the two drove away.
"Okay, Carl," Catalina demanded. "Let's get back to the hideout!"
"You a fucking psycho!" CJ told her.
"All you little men are scared of strong women!" Catalina chastised. "If we're passionate, you say we're crazy! If we're upset, you say we're hysterical! We sleep with men, we're sluts!"
Sleeping with different men IS what a slut does, bitch! CJ thought.
"If we don't put out, we're frigid bitches!" Catalina continued. She was just being incredibly unreasonable.
Now CJ was used to hanging out with other people who were just as passionate at robbing and killing, but Catalina was just unbelievably intolerable to CJ.
"Who you calling "little men?" CJ asked. "You went berserk back there!"
"That?" Catalina said. "That was just another day at the office! You can't stand the heat, go put your tiny balls in the freezer!"
"Tiny balls?!" CJ asked as they finally made they way up the hill to the hideout in Fern Ridge. "Now just wait a minute..."
"Enough!" Catalina interrupted sternly. "Just shut up and drive! I'm counting the fucking money!"
Man, this bitch is a fucking spoiled brat! CJ thought. There's just no reasoning with her!
CJ finally made it to the hideout and Catalina hopped off with the briefcases in her hands. She walked into the hideout and tossed the briefcases inside.
"See you soon, handsome!" Catalina told CJ, feeling suddenly calm. "Next time, we play REALLY rough!"
CJ had an acute premonition of what she said.
"Yeah, that's cool," CJ replied, trying to seem as calm as he can. "But we can also play for some real money! I got some money to...well, it's a long story, but I need some serious paper, fast!"
"You come and see me again soon!" Catalina told him. "We rob a bank!" She walked inside and CJ looked around to see that night has already fallen.
"I gotta call Ryder," he muttered, pulling out his cellphone. "Hopefully, he'll help me out!"
CJ punched in Ryder's number on the cellphone and listened as it rang.
"Come on, Ryder," CJ whispered impatiently. "Pick up, nigga. Pick up!"
But all that came out was Ryder's voice message.
"What's up!?" CJ heard Ryder's voice message say over the phone. "If you callin' this number, I ain't here. So just leave me a message. Peace out, homie!"
"Damn!" CJ muttered as he heard the sound of the beep. "Yo Ryder! Where you at?! I need yo' help, nigga! I'm all the way over at Fern Ridge and I need you to drop by as soon as you can!"
CJ hung up the phone and rode the quad down the small town in Palomino Creek. He rented himself a safe house there and went inside in the bedroom. CJ was feeling exhausted and was too tired to do anything else. So he took off his shoes and lay on the bed.
Everything was already coming back to him. The murder of his mother. The incarceration of Sweet. The betrayal of Big Smoke. The downfall of his old gang. The framing of a former cop's murder. On top of all of this, he was working for a psychopathic woman. All he had by his side were his childhood friend, his new Latino friend, and his sister. There was no telling what would become of them as well. So CJ gradually drifted to sleep, hoping everything would go much better tomorrow.