As per, thank you for your patience! Here's an update packed with drama and some plot twists I've been so excited to share with you!
Your Case or Mine
Chapter 18
Killian couldn't sleep. Despite their date night ending in the best possible way he could have envisioned, with Emma curled into his side in their bed, after dinner and dessert under the stars, there were still the remnants of a knot in his stomach.
When he'd arrived in Boston, he'd never for a second imagined that he'd meet a woman who'd turn his world upside down, without even trying. She was complicated and infuriating and full of fire; he was drawn to her from the very first moment. But she'd made it abundantly clear that carrying on their relationship, if he dared call it that, wasn't something she wanted after the case was over.
And he wasn't about to push something on her that she didn't want, so he was willing to settle for the...fuck buddies thing they seemed to have going. He grimaced, hating to think of it like that, but in essence, that's what it was. And he could understand why she'd compartmentalized their relationship that way, to an extent. She was protecting herself, steeling herself for the day he 'went back to his life' and she went back to hers.
She was right, that his life was in Virginia and hers was in Boston. But she didn't seem to even consider the possibility that he'd happily fight to make something work despite the distance. She'd offhandedly commented multiple times now that she wasn't someone that people had been willing to fight for in the past. She was always left behind, and it had started with her parents. She had a lifetime's worth of abandonment and commitment issues, and people had consistently proven her right by letting her down.
As he'd gotten to know her better, it had made even more sense as to why David and Will, the only two people who seemed to be constants in her life, were so fiercely protective of her. They were the closest thing to family that she'd ever had. And, before him, they were the only ones she'd opened up to about anything remotely personal.
As he glanced down at Emma sleeping peacefully beside him, head in the crook of his shoulder and a hand resting over his heart, he wished he could freeze time and stay in that moment indefinitely.
He was in love with her.
But he didn't dare admit it out loud, because he was absolutely certain it was a surefire way to make her walls fly right back up. He didn't want her to feel pressured either, or to burden her with the weight of his feelings. It wasn't fair, when she'd been nothing but transparent with him about where they stood. And he'd much rather savor precious little moments with her now, to keep him warm later, than scare her off while they were still stuck living together. He didn't want to sour the memories they'd made by showing his hand and activating her fight or flight response. Not unless she gave him some kind of sign that something more was a remote possibility for them.
It didn't make it easier though, knowing he was falling for her and that she didn't - or couldn't - feel the same. Because had things been different, if she'd wanted things to be different...he would have already been looking into ways he could stay once the case was closed. He wanted it to unnerve him, that he knew he would be willing to uproot his life for this woman, but she was the first person he'd fallen for since Milah, and the first one who'd made his heart feel a little less battered and broken. So, as far as he was concerned, she'd be worth it.
Emma shifted then with a deep sigh, rolling out of his arms and mumbling incoherently in her sleep. Killian watched her affectionately, a small smile playing at his lips. She looked so much less fierce in sleep, and he couldn't help but wish he had an indefinite number of days left to wake up beside her.
He slipped out of bed, his heart feeling heavy at the thought of going back to waking up alone, and not being able to smell her shampoo on his pillow because she preferred sharing his than staying on her own side of the bed. Yanking on the sweatpants he'd left hanging over the back of an armchair, he slipped from the room as silently as possible and made his way downstairs, hoping a small shot of rum would give him a helping hand to get some sleep.
Usually, it was Emma slipping out of their bed in the early hours of the morning, her relationship with sleep apparently as dysfunctional as his usually was. But within a matter of minutes, his absence had seemingly roused her, because she appeared in the kitchen doorway, hair mussed and eyes hazy with the remnants of sleep.
Killian had his back to her, staring blankly out of the kitchen window into the darkness of the backyard as he cradled the glass of amber liquid, so Emma's voice breaking the silence startled him.
"You wanna share what's got you reaching for the rum at 2am?"
She said softly, her voice husky. Killian spun around to face her, almost spilling his drink. He gave her a shaky smile, knowing full well he couldn't admit what was really keeping him awake.
"Oh, just musing over the fact that I'm hopelessly in love with you, lass," his inner voice tormented him, and he swallowed back the bitter taste of unspoken confessions with a sip of his rum.
"Just thinking about the case," he lied instead, busying his hands by pouring her a glass of rum too and pushing it across the counter, "Feels somewhat like we're on a treadmill with it at the moment."
Emma considered him carefully for a moment, and he was almost sure she could tell his excuse for being awake was a flat-out lie. But she chose to let it slide, perhaps too tired to challenge him, or maybe too scared to push and find out the real reason for his insomnia. So, instead, she accepted the glass, tilting it towards his with a nod before throwing it back. His eyes dropped to her throat and his jaw gave an involuntary tick as he watched it work. She met his gaze unwaveringly then and he immediately dropped his, worried that she'd see all the things he was barely stopping himself from saying.
"We'll get a break," she said with quiet conviction, "We'll get this bastard, and hopefully he'll never see the outside of a prison cell for the rest of his life. The little hiatus from our real lives will be worth it."
Killian's jaw ticked again, a flash of indignance prickling under his skin as he placed his glass down and moved around the counter to stand in front of her. She blinked, the haziness of sleep giving way to that familiar wariness he'd witnessed so many times now.
"It's been more than 'worth it', don't you think, Swan?"
He said, his voice as soft as his gaze, and reached out to tentatively take her hand. She wavered, glancing down at her hand in his briefly before finding his gaze once more.
"Killian…" she said, her tone a warning and a plea at the same time, "Last night was...wonderful. But-"
"But it's not real. I know."
He cut her off, his tone a little sharper than he intended as he dropped her hand and turned away. She didn't reply for long moments and his heart sank, thankful she was behind him and couldn't see the way his face had crumbled. He should never have started this conversation in the middle of the night, he knew, when emotions were so much closer to the surface and harder to rein in.
Her hand on his arm made him pause, and he reluctantly turned back to face her after schooling his features back into something less raw.
"It's real," she whispered, "Everything we feel...it's real. I think that's been pretty clear for awhile, and I know it's an understatement to say I've been reluctant to admit it…"
Killian's eyes widened, his heartbeat suddenly deafening in his ears. She swallowed and gave him a shaky, sad smile before continuing.
"But you and I both know that this is all we've got, Killian. Our lives...they don't work together outside of this weird little bubble. Maybe if things were different…"
A tiny spark of hope beneath the burning embers of disappointment and dread. If things were different. It was more than she'd ever offered him before. Because what was stopping them from making things different? The words were on the tip of his tongue...but 2am wasn't the time to lay his heart on the line if he wanted her to take it seriously, if he wanted her to see it was more than just emotionally-charged promises fuelled by exhaustion. He made a silent promise to broach the topic again tomorrow, when she'd know he truly meant it when he said he wanted to be with her in the real world, and not just walk away from what they'd found once they'd closed the case.
"We should go back to bed."
She added after an endless moment of silence, so many thoughts warring in both of their minds. She stifled a yawn and he nodded, grabbing their empty rum glasses and giving them a quick rinse before he followed her back upstairs.
Once back in their bed, she nudged his arm around her and settled herself into his side without a word, and he held her just a little bit closer than before, pressing a kiss to her head while biting back the 'I love you' burning his tongue. One day, perhaps he'd get to say those words without fearing what reaction they'd have on her. Before tonight, he'd never had any hopes of that becoming a reality, but now...well, now, perhaps his heart felt that little bit lighter with the spark of maybe.
CS
At 9am on the dot, August Booth walked into the Boston Homicide department, looking as though he hadn't slept in a week. David had arrived shortly before and was ensuring everything had been uneventful overnight with the officer who'd been manning the cameras. But he did a double take when he caught sight of August through the window.
"Booth. Can I help you?"
He asked, keeping his tone neutral despite his ever-suspicious law enforcement instincts kicking into high gear as he took in the disheveled appearance of the bar owner. August gave him a weak smile of greeting and seemed to steel himself before speaking.
"Yeah...I-uhm…I wanted to talk to you about…" he glanced around, wary, "about Gold."
David nodded, maintaining a passive and professional demeanour as he gestured for August to follow him to his office. Once the door was closed behind them, David perched on the edge of his desk and August began pacing as his words began to tumble out.
"I worked for Gold. Just a couple of times, cash in hand, basic delivery jobs and stuff. I knew it was probably shady but I needed the cash otherwise I would've lost the bar, and I figured if I didn't ask, then what I didn't know couldn't hurt me. That bar is everything to me, and it's the only thing I have left from my father. I couldn't lose it, y'know? But there were some major repairs to do from when we had a flood in the basement and...there was just a whole lot of shit that hit me at once-"
David held up his hand, causing August to pause his pacing, "Booth, I'm not particularly interested in the details of your finances. I'm a homicide cop, not the IRS. You said you wanted to talk about Robert Gold? Maybe you can just get to that?"
August gave breathless chuckle, clearly nervous, and nodded.
"Yeah, alright, sorry...uh...so, a guy that came into the bar heard me talking to Lacey about getting a loan to pay for the basement repairs, and he wrote a number and his name - just Chip, no last name - on a napkin for me. He said he did cash-in-hand delivery jobs for the guy whose number he'd given me, and he got paid pretty decently. So, I figured, why not, I may as well give it a go. Called the number, and the woman who answered seemed kinda suspicious, but she asked me to go down to one of those big office blocks in the financial district for an interview of sorts, so it seemed pretty legit."
"Which office? Do you remember the address?"
"Uh, yeah, I wrote it down," he pulled a folded piece of crumpled paper from his back pocket and handed it to David, "I didn't meet Gold. I met a young guy, and he asked me a couple of questions and I guess he was happy with the answers I gave, because he offered me a delivery job right there and then. It wasn't anything special, or anything that made me feel like it was extra shady. Just dropping off some letters to a PO Box. I figured they were just trying to avoid putting delivery guys on their tax reports or something."
"How do you know it was Robert Gold that you were working for if you never met him?"
"Because it was his offices that I had to pick stuff up from. I saw him once, the third time I went to pick up a delivery, and I only knew it was him because he didn't notice I was there and he was having an argument with the guy who'd interviewed me."
David's interest was piqued further and he grabbed his notepad.
"Do you remember what they were arguing about? And when was this?"
August looked a little sheepish, "The day after that woman, Taryn, was...the day after she died. I remember it really clearly because there was a little TV in the reception area of the office with the news on, and Gold was gesturing to it and yelling at the younger guy for being careless. I didn't get much more of the argument than that. And I never knew the younger guy's name either; he didn't even tell me when he interviewed me."
David scribbled everything August was saying onto his notepad, a feeling in his gut telling him that this was important. Maybe the break they'd been looking for. At least, he sincerely hoped so.
"And did you take a delivery on that day?"
August nodded, "Yeah, when the younger guy noticed i was there, they stopped arguing and he gave me a box file to take."
"Where did you deliver it to?"
David pressed, writing down all the details August was giving him, circling certain things he planned to follow up on that day. It finally felt like they might be able to dig up something solid on Gold, while potentially moving closer to finally solving their case. The Chief was breathing down his neck due to their 'slow pace' in closing it, and there was a palpable sense of frustration that came with the lack of a big break thus far.
"It was the last delivery I made for them, a couple weeks ago," August said, pulling his phone from his pocket and bringing up an app where he'd kept notes of the three deliveries he'd made for Gold and the corresponding dates for each one, "Here it is. Hopeful Hearts Adoption Agency. And the delivery note told me to leave the box file by the side door instead of delivering it to the reception. So that's what I did."
David stared at August, his heart beating just a little bit faster.
"Hopeful Hearts Adoption Agency? You're sure that was the address?"
August frowned and nodded, holding out his phone and showing David the note he'd made. He was seemingly oblivious to just how valuable the information he'd given could possibly be to the case. This could be the big break they'd been looking for, and the most solid link they'd been able to make between their case and Gold so far.
"This is...thank you for bringing this information to me, August," David said, handing him one of the cards with his number on it, "If you think of anything else that might be helpful, nothing is too small a detail. Just call me or come down to the station again."
August nodded, looking down at the card and then back up at David.
"There was something else. I don't know if it's relevant, and as I said, I never knew the younger guy's name...but I'm pretty sure he was Gold's son."
CS
Will was waiting impatiently for David to emerge from his office, desperate to share the juicy details he'd managed to unearth after a solid day and a half of digging. He'd even taken the work home with him, something he had often chastised Emma for doing. He'd arrived at the precinct just as his boss was disappearing into his office with August Booth...and Will had the distinct feeling that things were about to start moving ahead quite nicely with their case.
When David's office door finally opened, Will scrutinised his expression for any signs of what Booth might have dropped by for as David escorted the younger man through the bullpen and toward the exit. They'd had an officer surveilling Booth for a few days, but he had nothing to report back, and they'd quickly downgraded him from their list of prime suspects. He was still a 'person of interest', but now it was more for the information he could potentially provide or anything he may have unknowingly witnessed, rather than because they believed he had an active role in the murders.
Waving David over as soon as he returned, Will eagerly pulled up the evidence file that Belle had kindly organized out of the jumble of information he had bombarded her with. He also flipped open the notepad of scrawled notes and questions he'd written down throughout his digging expedition.
"You look like the cat that got the mouse, Scarlet."
David commented as he approached Will's desk, and the younger man grinned.
"Y'could say that. But the cat that got the bigtime crime boss has more of a ring to it, dontcha think?"
Will watched David's eyes narrow for a moment before he glanced at the screen with piqued interest.
"Alright, you've got my attention. What more have you found?"
"Well...I went digging into wife angle some more, and there were a bunch of rumors that her hubby had her killed 'cause he suspected she'd been cheatin' with one of her crew. I spoke to one of 'em this mornin' - a bloke who was honorably discharged last year and worked under Gold's ex-missus," he paused, highlighting a particular transcribed paragraph on the computer screen, "This is what he told me."
"It was unspoken common knowledge in our unit that the Captain was involved with a subordinate; and that was strictly against the rules. But we liked and respected her, and as far as I'm aware, even to this day, I don't believe anyone reported the rumors. So that's all it ever was - a rumor - and the brass couldn't prove a thing. But then she died...and we all had our suspicions. She was estranged from her husband - had been the whole time I knew her - and not long after she got her Captain rank, he upped and moved to the States with their son, without her knowledge or consent. She was convinced he was trying to turn the lad against her, and I think him taking the kid was his way of trying to manipulate her into leaving the Navy. But she was a firecracker of a woman, and she wouldn't stand for that kind of emotional abuse. I remember her once saying that it would be over her dead body that he'd get her to give up her service. And ironically, that's probably what happened. The only time I ever saw her husband was when he showed up to a ceremonial ship-launching in Southampton...and a week later, she was dead."
David's eyes were wide as he gestured for Will to scroll the page so that he could continue to read.
"What makes me think it was him who had her killed? The fact that at that ship launching, he asked a few of our men who it was that his wife was sleeping with. He didn't make a scene or anything, and he was discrete, in that way that makes your skin crawl because you can instinctively feel when there's just something bad about a bloke. But he had a run-in with one of the guys too - a Commander who got in between the Cap'n and Gold, standing up for her when he overheard Gold being disrespectful. I don't know what was said, because the Commander never repeated it. But I guess that put him on Gold's hitlist too...because he died a few months later as well. Suspected poisoning...though I'm pretty sure the Navy didn't put that on the death certificate, otherwise there would've been an investigation, like there was after the Cap'n's death."
David exchanged a glance with Will.
"I've just had Booth in here telling me about his time working for Gold. Turns out the son is still around. I wonder if he knows anything about the possibility that his father killed his mother. Can we track him down? I have an address for Gold's office, but showing up there and letting him know we're on his tail at this point, with the circumstantial evidence we have so far, wouldn't be very smart. We need to put him, or one of his lackeys, at the scene of at least one of the murders."
"Aye, he doesn't usually get his own hands dirty, but these murders ain't anythin' like the pro hits he's been known for in the past. These are personal. Victims takin' the place of his wife, and he's punishin' her over and over again for cheatin', maybe? The kids that the victims gave up for adoption could represent his son; he felt like she gave him up in favor of her job, p'rhaps?"
The two men stared thoughtfully at the computer screen for long moments, before Will sighed and shook his head.
"Don't really make sense though, 'cause you'd expect him to go for unfaithful wives and their lovers, to punish 'em for cheatin'...not women who were happily married and happened to give up a kid. There's summat we're missin'."
"You're right," David nodded, running a hand through his hair. "We need to talk to the son, without alerting him to the fact that his dad is a suspect. And we've already had Gold down here once, so we'll have to tread carefully. Did your Navy source give you names? Maybe we could run them by Killian and see if he heard any of the rumors? I suspect it was before his time, but it's worth a try."
Will nodded, rummaging through the notes he'd jotted down, "Got it. Wife used her maiden name - Milah Cassidy. The crew member who died, suspected of being her lover - Commander Liam Jones."
CS
She could get used to waking up like this. That was the first thought that flitted through Emma's semi-conscious mind, as her eyes fluttered open. Killian's hand was already between her legs, drawing lazy circles with his fingertips that had her toes curling and a sleepy smile tugging at her lips.
"Mmm," she sighed, her whole body relaxed as she gave herself over to his touch, "Two days in a row?"
"Well, you seemed to enjoy it yesterday. And I can't think of any better way to start the day, than by seeing you fall apart for me, love."
Killian smirked, biting gently at her shoulder and making her shudder. He couldn't get enough of touching her satiny, sleep-warmed skin, and enjoying being able to reach for her the moment he woke up. Enjoying it while it lasted, as she'd said the night before.
"Fuck…" she whispered, oh-so eloquently, tipping her head back and moaning softly, "It's definitely not the worst way to wake up…"
It only took a few minutes for him to push her over the edge with just his hand, and then she insisted on returning the favor from the morning before, pushing Killian onto his back and straddling him. She kissed her way down his chest, nipping at the sensitive areas over his hips and upper thighs, dragging her nails down the same path as her kisses, before settling between his legs.
He was panting and cursing before she even took him into her mouth, she'd worked him up so well. And when she did so, he hissed with the potent pleasure that shot along every nerve ending in his body. She knew just how to unravel him with her mouth, and watching her as she worked her tongue around the tip before licking up the length of him, it was all he could do not to let his eyes roll back.
But he wanted to watch, and it seemed as though she liked his eyes on her as she pleasured him, too. Her eyes sparkled and she held his gaze, taking him deep before she pulled back, and alternating with quick bobs of her head.
"Emma, fucking hell, lass-"
"Mmm?"
Even with her mouth otherwise-occupied, he could see the smirk in her eyes, and the vibration around him made him jerk involuntarily. She gagged at the sudden thrust of him into the back of her throat, but quickly adjusted, and he bit down on the inside of his cheek as she picked up her pace again.
It didn't take him very long to lose control first thing in the morning, but it was even harder to hold back when the vixen between his legs was testing his control the way she was. He tentatively lifted his hand to push some hair away from her face and she closed her eyes, her moan sending more vibrations through him and causing his fingers to flex. He didn't try to guide her movements, choosing instead to run his fingers through her hair, guttural groans falling from his lips at the steady pace she was keeping.
"E-Emma...I can't hold out much longer…"
He warned her, voice quivering slightly, and she opened her eyes to meet his again. But she simply nodded in response, and doubled down, taking him deep on every other stroke until his legs began to shake with his impending release.
"Christ, I'm so close…"
He whispered, and she pulled back slightly, opening her mouth and continuing the movements with her hand. He cried out her name on a harsh groan, watching as his release shot into her throat, coating her tongue. She wrung every last little bit of pleasure from him and then held his gaze as she swallowed, wiping an errant drop from her chin and sucking it off her thumb. It was one of the most erotic things he'd ever seen, and he knew if it was possible, it would have had him hardening again immediately.
Instead, all he could do was stare at her in awe, as she licked her lips and gave him a somewhat bashful grin.
"You're a bloody siren."
He chuckled breathlessly, reaching out to pull her down next to him as the bone-deep bliss of afterglow made his whole body feel heavy. She pressed herself into his side and rested her head on his chest, smiling as she felt his heart still racing. The thrill of knowing she had that effect on him, that she could make him lose control with relative ease, was a heady feeling.
"Give me a few minutes to recover, darling, and then how about we take a shower together, so I can return the favor and more?"
CS
After a very bracing shower together, and breakfast to replenish the energy they'd used up during it, Emma suggested they venture out of the house for a little while. They needed a few groceries, but mostly she just wanted to get out of the house with him for awhile. There wasn't much more they could do work-wise until they had updates from David or Will, and she got a touch of cabin fever when she was sat around the house doing nothing. She was used to being at work, not watching TV or working out through sheer boredom.
Killian was more than happy with her suggestion, and they headed out shortly before lunch. They stopped by the grocery store first, grabbing a few non-perishables and some beers, and then decided to find a place to have some lunch, neither in a particular hurry to go back to the house.
They decided on a little deli on Mass. Ave, which had an impressively vast menu considering the size of the place. They were debating their sandwich choices when Emma heard a familiar voice that made her blood run cold.
"Hello again, Ems."
She could feel the immediate tension causing her shoulders to stiffen, and took a moment to steady herself before slowly turning to meet the sneering gaze of her ex.
"Neal. Gonna start to think you're keeping tabs on me, if we keep bumping into each other like this."
She commented sourly, her voice wavering just a little, but enough for Neal to notice if his smirk was anything to go by. She felt Killian step a little closer to her in a subtly protective gesture.
"Just a coincidence, sweetheart-"
"Sorry, I don't think we've met," Killian interrupted, stepping forward slightly so that he was almost standing between Emma and Neal, a human barrier to protect her, "I'm Emma's husband. And you are?"
Neal looked him up and down, not bothering to veil his disdain, and Killian's jaw ticked in annoyance. He could feel Emma shrinking into herself beside him, and it infuriated him that anyone could make her feel that way.
"Neal. Ems and I have...history."
"I suppose you're the reason she hates that awful nickname, then?" Killian replied, an edge of warning in his tone.
Neal levelled his glare on Emma, instead of Killian, and it was all Killian could do to stop himself from hauling the man against the wall and knocking his lights out. But he didn't want to make that kind of scene, and he was pretty sure Emma wouldn't appreciate it either. So he squashed down the urge to do so, and instead slipped his arm around Emma's waist. She leaned into him immediately.
"And I suppose you're the reason she thinks she's some kind of Stepford wife now. She'll never fit in as your little trophy wife, mate," Neal spat, keeping his voice low to avoid drawing too much attention from other customers, "She's a street kid with a shitload of abandonment issues. Always will be, no matter how you dress her up."
Killian's blood was boiling and he glanced at Emma, half-expecting her to be readying a punch in the face for the asshole currently sneering at her. But instead, she'd wrapped her arms around herself and was staring at the ground, her face red with embarrassment and tears in her eyes. He turned back to Neal, unable to hold back his fury anymore as he grabbed Neal by the lapels and dragged him outside. Every other customer's eyes were on them, but he didn't care. No one spoke to Emma that way in front of him, and if she wasn't able to stand up to him the way he knew she would with anyone else, then he'd bloody well do it for her.
Emma hurried out after them, calling Killian's name frantically.
"Killian, please, don't-"
He shoved Neal up against the wall, a hand around his throat.
"Apologize to the lady."
He demanded, inches away from the scruffy man's infuriatingly amused face.
"She's no lady, pal."
He barked out a derisive laugh, looking over at her even as Killian tightened his grip on his throat.
"Don't you dare speak to my wife like that. Now...apologize."
Killian spat. Neal's gaze flicked to his before moving back to Emma, and he made a show of looking her up and down.
"I'm not gonna apologize for speaking the truth," he wheezed, "Yeah, she's got a great ass and she's good in bed, but sooner or later you'll realize all her issues aren't worth it."
Emma stepped forward then, as Killian was ready to deliver a right hook to his face, and despite her hand shaking, her fist connected squarely with Neal's nose. Killian let go of his throat as the other man cried out indignantly, and he grabbed her hand as she winced and shook it out. Her knuckles were red, and he glanced up at her with a grin. She'd have bruises, but he knew she'd say it was worth it.
"Stupid bitch," Neal spat angrily, doubled over with his hands covering his face and blood dripping down through them.
Killian was about to haul him back up for another round, but Emma's hand on his arm stopped him. She shook her head and leaned up to press a kiss to his lips, well aware that Neal was glaring up at them.
"He's the one who's not worth it, babe."
CS
Emma was subdued during the car ride home, and Killian kept casting glances her way, concern for her and residual anger toward her ex-boyfriend making him feel uneasy. He could see why the scars he'd left still lingered on her heart; he seemed to know exactly which buttons to press to hurt her the most, even all these years later. And it infuriated him that someone who had been lucky enough to win Emma's heart had chosen to break it, rather than cherish it.
When they arrived home, she unpacked their groceries in silence, until Killian gently touched her arm and encouraged her to turn and face him,
"Do you want to talk about it? What he said, Emma-"
"I'm angry with myself, for not standing up to him. If anyone else talked to me like that..." she shook her head with a frustrated sigh, "But he...he makes me feel like I'm that insecure, needy kid I was when I was with him. He'd say 'jump' and I'd say 'how high?'...that's not who I am now, but somehow I reverted back to being that person when he was putting me down. He's an asshole and he still knows how to hurt me. But it's my fault for giving him that power, even after all this time. I guess he was getting me back for having the last word when I bumped into him the other week."
She shrugged, trying to play down just how much the confrontation had wounded her fragile heart. Killian shook his head firmly.
"No. Don't do that. None of that was your fault, Swan. No one has the right to say those things to you, or make you feel the way he did. I can tell it's shaken you up, and you don't need to be ashamed of that. You don't need to hide with me."
Emma dropped her gaze from him, unable to handle the intensity with which he was looking at her.
"I thought he was some kind of Prince Charming when I fell in love with him, but he wasn't who I thought he was. And yet, even now, he still gets under my skin and manages to break my heart all over again."
Killian considered her for a moment; slumped shoulders, defeat and self-loathing pouring from her in waves. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his own heart aching to see her so beaten down. Hearing her talking about falling in love with that pathetic excuse of man made his stomach twist uncomfortably. He'd never deserved her, and somehow she couldn't see that.
"Don't take this the wrong way, but I'm glad to hear that."
Emma's head snapped up and she stared at him with a mixture of confusion and incredulity.
"You're glad to hear my heart's still broken?"
She asked, an edge to her tone. He lifted his hand to thumb at the dimple in her chin and smiled sadly, shaking his head.
"If it can be broken, it means it still works."
He said softly, and she swallowed thickly, a meaningful silence falling between them...until Emma's phone began to ring and startled them both out of their moment. She quickly turned away from him and yanked her phone out of her pocket, answering it sharply.
"Swan."
"Whoa there, Ice Queen. Everythin' alright?"
Will's voice, laced with amusement and a twinge of concern, was in her ear and she was somewhat relieved by his interruption, before things got too deep again with Killian. She didn't feel like she had enough emotional fortitude to handle another heart-to-heart just yet. And work calls were a very good distraction.
"Fine. You got an update for us?"
She pointedly changed the subject and Will acquiesced without resistance, knowing better than to force a subject that Emma clearly didn't want to talk about, whatever that might be. She had to come to him with what was on her mind in her own time, otherwise her walls remained firmly up.
"Yeah, we got some juicy stuff. Is loverboy there? Stick me on speakerphone?"
Emma bit back a sassy retort about his new nickname for Killian, and instead did as Will asked, motioning for Killian to follow her to the living room, as she told Will to go ahead.
"Right, so. We think we might have a break."
"You spoke to the Navy guy?"
She'd given Killian a quick rundown of Will's plan of action and what he'd found the night before over dinner, but she was glad to hear that he'd made even more progress since she'd stopped by the station.
"Yeah, and he told me 'bout the Naval rumor mill from back then. All very dramatic. But the Navy kept most of it internal, so there wasn't any damning paper trail as such. Oh, and August showed up at the station at the arsecrack of dawn this mornin' too. Spilled everythin' he knew 'bout Gold. Turns out his son might be involved in the family business of dodgy dealin', so we're gonna look into him. There weren't just rumors that Gold off'd his missus either. Looks likely that her lover was a hit as well. Suspected poisoning, and my Navy source was pretty convinced that he was murdered. You hear any of those rumors during your time in the Navy, Jones?"
Killian frowned, shaking his head. There had only been three deaths of his fellow crew members that he could recall; Milah, his brother, and a bloke he couldn't quite remember the name of, who'd died of cancer. He racked his brain for any memories he may have misplaced in his efforts to forget that painful time of his life, but nothing came to him. Surely rumors of two murders would have made their way around the billets like wildfire, regardless of which ship such sordid affairs had taken place on.
"Doesn't ring any bells. You working on finding something that'll stick for those allegations? Because he'll walk yet again with nothing but rumors as evidence."
"Aye, mate. We're goin' through everythin' with a fine toothcomb. Nowt solid yet. But crimes of passion like that usually mean a mistake here and there-"
"How does that link to our case though?"
Emma cut in, patience not her strong suit.
"Well, we thought maybe the victims could be representin' his dead wife. In his eyes, she chose her Navy career over her family, over her kid."
"But if he already had her killed, then why would he feel the need to kill other women, too? And why target women who opted to put their kids up for adoption if his kid stayed with him, and didn't go into the system? Something doesn't sit right."
Emma mused, shaking her head. They was missing something, she could feel it. But she had no idea what.
"Yeah, we're tryin' to figure that out. But August's last delivery for Gold was to Hopeful Hearts' Adoption Agency, the morning that the missing files showed up. So, there must be a link, otherwise he wouldn't've had those files. We just have to dig deeper and find it."
"Good. Is there anything we can be doing?" Killian finally spoke up, "Do you have names for the ex-wife and her lover? I can get in touch with some old Navy buddies and see if they remember anything or have any extra info."
"Was hopin' you'd have some contacts. Names were Captain Milah Cassidy and Commander Liam Jones."
Emma's head snapped up, and she saw the color immediately drain from Killian's face, confirming what she suspected.
"What?"
He choked out, his legs seeming to give way on him as he dropped down heavily onto the sofa. Emma covered her mouth in horror as Will repeated the names, nonthewiser to the devastating news he'd just delivered.
"Will, we'll call you back."
Emma said quickly, and hung up before Will had time to protest. A heavy silence descended, and Emma had no idea what she could possibly say to ease the pain for Killian. He looked like he'd just had his entire world pulled out from beneath his feet. And she supposed he had, really.
"Killian, I'm so sorry," she whispered, tentatively sitting down on the sofa beside him, "I...I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now…"
"She was murdered. And so was my brother. Because of me," he shook his head as Emma tried to protest, "No...Gold had him killed because he thought Liam was the one having an affair with Milah. I told him to look after her when I left the Navy, and he promised he would. He never approved of our relationship, and I was angry at her for ending it, but I still loved her, and Liam knew that. But keeping his promise to me got him killed," he stood up and began pacing the room, still pale from the shock, "I didn't know Gold was her husband. They didn't even have the same last name, and she never really talked about him. But when my brother died a few months after Milah did...I should have known something was wrong. Especially when the Navy insisted on keeping everything internal, and barely gave me any answers, about either of their deaths. God, why didn't I push for answers?!"
Emma stood up then too, halting his pacing by grabbing both of his hands and finding his broken gaze, clearly able to see the tears ready to fall.
"Don't do this. Don't beat yourself up over something that was not your fault. You were grieving, Killian. In a really short space of time, you lost two people you loved. And knowing the truth...what comfort would that have brought you?"
Killian pulled his hands from her grasp and turned away, the tears finally escaping down his cheeks.
"I wouldn't have rested until I'd found Gold and made him pay for what he did."
"He's basically a mob boss, Killian. You would've gotten yourself killed."
"At least I'd have done something! Instead, he's been walking around a free man all these years!"
He choked on a sob and shook his head, angrily wiping away the tears on his cheeks as he stared blankly out of the patio doors. Emma's heart ached, not knowing how to comfort him and wishing more than anything that she did.
"I need some air, love," he finally said, "I'm going to take a drive."
Worry sat as heavy as a brick in Emma's stomach as she watched him shrug on his jacket and grab his keys from the counter. She knew the feeling of needing to be alone to deal with things, but she still wished she knew what to do to help him, in any way she could.
"Killian," she called, chasing after him just before he opened the front door, "I'm...sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew what else to say to help you, but I'm not that great with words. I just...I want you to know...you're not alone. You don't have to deal with this alone. You've got me. I'm here."
Killian swallowed thickly and nodded, his eyes still filled with tears. He took a step towards her after a moment, and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. She immediately responded, holding him as he sobbed a quiet "thank you" into her neck before pulling back.
"I just need to be alone for a little while, Swan. Let all of this sink in. But I'll be home soon."
His use of the word 'home' wasn't lost on her, and she nodded as she watched him leave. He'd been so incredible helping her work through her issues, when she'd bumped into Neal that first time. He'd held her through nightmares and kissed away her tears. And now, when he needed her to be a rock for him, she had no idea how. No one had ever needed her before, not like this.
CS
Killian arrived home a few hours later, as the last rays of light left the sky. He'd driven around for awhile in somewhat of a daze, allowing the tears to fall freely. He'd ended up parked by Lexington Reservoir, and couldn't help but grimace at the way his subconscious had brought him to the water. It had always been something that brought him solace, but he wasn't sure anything could provide that for him now.
After a few hours sat by the water, trying to get his head around the revelations that had set his world spinning on its axis, Killian wearily made his way back to the house. He was more than ready to be back in Emma's comforting embrace, .
When he got home, the house was dark and still. Frowning, he tossed his keys onto the sideboard and made his way through to the kitchen. He debating calling out to Emma, but refrained, just in case she'd called it a night. He'd join her in bed and hope she wouldn't mind holding him for a little while.
After pouring himself a generous measure of rum and downing it, his body feeling drained of every last bit of energy, Killian turned to head upstairs. And that's when he saw the broken vase on the floor of the living room...and the patio door ajar.
His blood ran cold and he was frozen in place for a moment. He yelled Emma's name, hoping more than anything that she'd come rushing down the stairs and ask him what he was yelling for.
But she didn't. And that was what he'd feared the most. With shaking hands, he yanked his phone out of his pocket as he rushed towards the stairs. He tripped as he charged up them, silently praying he'd find her sleeping peacefully in their bedroom and not hurt...or worse.
The bedroom was empty, just like the rest of the house. Frantically calling Will's number, he returned to the living room, attempting to view the scene in a more objective way, despite his vision blurring with panic.
"Mate, Emma told me-"
"Where is she?!"
There was a pause on the line, and Killian's stomach dropped.
"What d'ya mean?"
"Fuckin' hell, Scarlet, she's gone! Something's happened. I went out for a few hours, came back and she's...there's a broken vase and the back door is open...tell me you've got people on this!"
Anger and bone-deep fear were fighting for dominance, and he almost dropped the phone, his hands were shaking so badly. He was usually much calmer in stressful situations, but he couldn't think straight after everything that had happened that day.
"Shit. No, no...she'll be fine. I'm gonna get Dave-"
"You've got fucking cameras all over this place! How could you not have seen this happen?! She could've been gone for hours, Scarlet! This can't be happening…"
"Dave's gettin' people out to ya right now. CSIs and your team. Nothin' has happened on the cameras, Killian. It's happened in a room they don't cover, I s'ppose. But we're gonna find her. She's gonna be okay. I know Emma, and she's gonna be okay."
Killian could tell he was trying to convince both of them, and his chest tightened painfully. He knew Emma had asked for a camera to be added to cover the backyard, but they hadn't been to fit it yet. Maybe she'd had a suspicion that she hadn't shared with him. Or maybe she'd just noticed it was a weak spot. Either way, she'd been right. He felt like he was going to throw up.
For the second time that day, his legs gave out on him, and he ended up on his knees on the carpet of the living room, tears making his throat tight and his vision blurry.
"Will...I can't lose her, too."
CS
NB: Did you guys survive all that drama?! I'd LOVE to know what you think about this one! Thanks to everyone who's still sticking with me between updates! I'm back at medical school (as a postgrad! I feel so old! lol) so my weeks are pretty jam packed with doing that full-time and working night shifts at the hospital all weekend. But I'm still powering along with this fic, and it's so wonderful to see people are still enjoying it. Hope this chapter was worth the wait! The real drama has officially kicked off.