Had a bit of a writer's block. Careen and Reverend's chapter – behold! Next one is not decided yet.
It was their last day at the beach-house. They had come into some routine. Every evening they would fest in the veranda if the weather allowed it, while during the day Careen and Wade would be taken in the reverend's carriage to assist or simply tour the outskirts of the Battery. Little did Careen know what her sister and brother-in-law did to fill their days, but Scarlett had never been seen merrier. The night before she sat with them as they discussed a new enterprise Rhett was planning to enter. She found her sister's calmness at his remarks as on how to make money from the establishment of the New South inspiring. She knew that such plans were unorthodox. She saw Scarlett listen to her husband with concentration, she found more endearing than mere admiration as one may expect; asking questions, and him, answering some, deliberating on others with keen interest in her views. She found the scene so very different from the scene of their mother and father.
Careen lamented leaving. Each day was better than the one before, feeling more accustomed to the reverend and this was a fabulous day. The little toddler was a source of amusement for them, uttering all sorts of remarks to each scene or occurrence. Even at the soup and bread distribution at the back of the church he had managed to make them lose all restraint when exclaiming with a stern expression "Auntie! This is not wonderfully delicious, this is wonderfully tasteless!" By noon Wade was having his nap, covered in a small blanket, resting at a worn settee at the back room of the church.
Yes, she was happy she had had little Wade with her. By the hours she was feeling that she needed some shelter from the intensity of the reverend's gazes at her, and even more from hers at him. She was observing his tall posture, the gentleness in which he treated his congregation and especially those who had come to benefit from the daily distribution of broth and bread. Families of widows and invalid soldiers were going through the passage; from most he would ask a hand in something, or an errand making the whole ordeal of charity much more tolerable. This situation reminded her of the never-ending lines of soldiers Scarlett had consented to feed. She mentioned it before to him, and was surprised to hear that when he returned from the war he had found very few stations as Tara had been – open no matter how scares the food was.
She was caressing her nephew's golden curls sniffing in his neck and kissing his little hands, murmuring. When she felt that he had finally fallen asleep, she smiled victoriously "Finally! Who would have thought that your falling asleep could bring such satisfaction?"
She heard a small laughter from behind her. Yet, she didn't move. She kept her hand in Wade's small palm while the other kept caressing his arms looking at him and thinking of the miracle her sister had created with her late husband. Watching Scarlett's demeanor with Captain Butler caused the inevitable realization that she had never really loved her former husband, or if she had, it was an anemic emotion compared to the passionate one she had now. And yet, this child was a child of love; Loved by his over-protective mother; by his step-father, by herself. In Tara she never had much interest in him, given that Melanie had all the spare time and natural inclination to pamper her beloved deceased brother's only son. Here, however she came to adore his childish habits, even the fact that each night after the first he had joined her bed in the middle of the night pushing her aside nevertheless attaching his frozen feet to hers without hesitation and whispering "I love you so, Auntie." She couldn't but hold him tight and thank the Lord that such bundle of love was cuddled with her.
She felt that she was still watched. She raised her eyes to see him lean against the door with a soft painful gaze. She couldn't help but smile at him and reach out with a small hand that he took.
"He is beginning to act like my new brother-in-law."
"I tend to forget that your sister is newly-wed and that this is her late-husband's son. Funny, given that I performed the ceremony. Her husband is extremely attached to the little boy, as if he were his."
"It is wondrous, isn't it?"
The silence did not last, she lift her gaze from the boy and looked at him tenderly-
"John?"
"What is it Careen?"
"I wish to express my infinite gratitude to you. Somehow the past week had opened something that has been so shut down in my heart."
"It is I who should thank you. You have so much liveliness and kindness. You have practically lit my days."
"Well, that liveliness is what I am thanking you for."
"You haven't asked me to take you to the convent."
"No, I haven't." She grew crimson.
"Would you like me to?"
"No. It isn't necessary anymore. "
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want you to lament not checking it."
"I have nothing to check. When I thought of entering I knew what I was getting into. Well, and now, I just know that it would be wrong."
"Wrong?"
"You see, Scarlett was right."
"Oh?"
"She said that time heals the heart. I shall never forget Brent, but I don't want to withdraw from life as I did for months and months."
"I came to the church because I wanted to embrace life and the living. There isn't a day I don't think of my lost baby and his mother. However, I embrace life with faith that it has more love and happiness, even for me. This brings me to the question that has been puzzling me - dare I hope that I had something to help you realize the truth in your sister's words?"
She couldn't answer him; flushed by emotions she lowered her eyes. However, her hand was still in his, and she squeezed it in reply. That was enough, he drew her close and smiled.
"I don't want you to leave, Careen. You had come here to stay, pray stay, as my wife."
"Oh" Was the only answer she could utter.
"You wanted to devote your life to God, well, as my wife you can devote it both to God and to life. I cannot promise you a life of comfort, but it seem that you are not looking for that. I can promise to give you my heart."
Realizing that years ahead she would recall this moment, he knelt on his knee not leaving her hand for a second – "Careen, a ray of light came to my life and I would be no man of God if I do not follow it. Will you do me the honor of giving me you hand in marriage?"
Careen started laughing – looking at his hand grasping her own zealously.
"I will admit that I am not letting this hand go for fear that you might not accept this proposal, or perhaps run away" he smiled and his eyes were lit – "Be my wife, Careen, make me the happiest man on earth."
"Will I be able to visit you by the beach, Auntie?" a tiny drowsy voice came from behind them.
Startled Careen looked back at Wade – "Well, little Wade Hampton Hamilton, I suppose that the answer to that is yes." Both – Wade and the reverend folded their arms around her small figure making her laugh and cry at the same time.
More than this, Careen would recall her sister's tears pouring down her cheeks "Baby, so I am leaving you here, after all?" Rhett asked Scarlett if she did not think it wiser to require some period of engagement, but Scarlett smiled and said "I didn't need any, to give myself to you, no reason for me to impose something like that on her. No. She should start her life as soon as possible. She has been buried alive for three years now, more than I ever was."
"Will you regret marrying in my church?"
"You see, I knew it was your church, and since I had given myself to you a year ago, as soon as I realized that it was yours, there was no other church for me. Even if it did mean that I couldn't get the comfort of absolution."
"Perhaps I can give you absolution?"
With that both burst to uncontrolled laughter. After the laughter concluded he held her closely and asked in a delicate way "Do you feel you have sinned?"
"Here's the thing, I need absolution because I don't. And I would have done it all again. Near Rough and Ready and when you returned. I would have even risked coming with child. And I just can't understand it."
"Scarlett, you sent a soldier to the battle with a reason to return alive. If that's a sin than very few sinner actually exist. Yes, we are selfish. Yes we are going to do what it takes to profit from the buildings of the South, but giving me your heart and body was the one selfless act you have done."
"Only at Rough and Ready, was I selfless."
"Oh?"
"When you came back, I wanted you more than I will ever care to admit."
"Why Mrs. Butler, are you a wanton woman?"
"Probably worse" she laughed nervously
"Well, I couldn't have asked for more."