Kyle's POV
Stan's apartment turns out to be about two blocks, which would be fine if we weren't a bunch of inebriated college kids who were just in a brawl. Luckily it seems like the cops gave up on us and we make it to the building without drawing any extra attention.
Thankfully Stan has been paying for the power so the heating still works fine, wish I could say the same for the lights, the bulbs are burnt out so we have to light a few candles we found in the kitchen and put them around the apartment. We sit in the living room, trying to collect ourselves after the fiasco that happened.
"So… What now?" I ask him.
"Well, I don't think I can drive us back tonight and you'd wanna spend the cab money. Let's just stay here for the night and head back in the morning."
"Sure, sounds like a plan and if we're gonna spend the night here, I want something to drink."
"You sure? You've had a few back there and no offense, you're kinda a lightweight."
"Fuck you, just get me something." I've been thinking about what Stan said in the bistro, we've known each other for so long and I want to come clean to him, but I really need to be drunk for this.
He leaves the room and I think about how I want to say it. I should just spill it, leave no secrets about it. If it was anyone else, I would never consider it but this is Stan. This past four months has proven that he hasn't really changed, he's mostly the same Stan I knew 8 years ago. Besides, I think he should know, Kenny and Tweek do and Stan deserves the same.
"Here you go." He brings in two six-packs and hands me a freshly opened can of beer. "Hope you don't mind room-temp beer."
"Thanks Stan." I take a swig before I start. Right now's a better time than any, I guess. "Stan, remember what you said back in the bistro? That I could get any guy I want?"
"Yeah… Why?"
"It's not that no one wants me…" I take a deep breath to calm my anxious heart. "I'm the issue."
"What?" He asks confused.
"We're all a little broken, Stan. Tweek's got his social anxiety, Kenny's got his sex addictions…. I have 'relationship issues'." I explain, "I have a hard time trusting people enough to let them love me, the real me."
"Kyle…" Stan looks like he's trying to wrap his head around what I'm saying. "Well maybe that's not the case. You probably just haven't met the right guy yet."
"Even if I did, I wouldn't have let them love me. All because of some stupid ass prank." I feel the new rush of alcohol in me, making it easier for me to say it.
"Prank?" He inquires cautiously.
"Annie wasn't the last person I dated. Her name was Vivian but all her friends just called her Vivi." I wince a bit at the memory, I really don't want to remember this but I need to get it out and there's no turning back now. "It happened when I was 13. We just got to Middle school and I thought things were gonna be different. In a way, I was right; the middle school was a joint-school with kids from all over Park County. There I met a girl I'd never seen before and I felt something in me change, she was too enrapturing that all the boys wanted her. Including me. I thought I had feelings for a girl I hardly knew and with my take-action nature, I confessed to her. Vivi didn't respond and just left. The next day, I went to school and wouldn't you know it Vivi accepted my confession and we became a couple. But you know how the story ends by now, huh?" I give a dry laugh as I shake my head, god I was such a fucking idiot back then. Stan just looks at me with concern.
"Two months later, I learned the truth… in the worst fucking way possible." My voice raises and my fist clenches onto the can, leaving dents onto the surface. "Cartman came up to me, laughing his ass off about something he read. I ignored him like I normally did but then he quoted something he shouldn't have known about, my letters to Vivi. He started citing my letters word for word and I demanded to know how he knew about them. Turns out Vivi's been posting my 'love' on her Instagram and just… having her post something I put so much of myself in online with captions like 'Here's the love note for the day, not as funny as last week's.', I was so mad by the time I got to school that I just pulled Vivi away from her friends and demanded to know everything, she just fucking shrugged it off and said I shouldn't take it too seriously. Then I finally got it… it was all one-sided. She didn't love me, she saw me as a joke. Something to laugh about with her friends." I drop the empty can and reach for other. I calm myself down a bit, the memory's hitting me again, it's not as bad as before but it still fucking hurts.
"After that, Vivi never said anything about it again and just acted like nothing happened, but everyone else didn't. I was done with relationships." I say drily. "I didn't want to be the butt of someone's joke and I don't trust anyone who wants me to believe about their 'strong desire' or their 'undying love' for me. Those people broke me and I hate that Vivi's probably somewhere living her life just fine without knowing what she did to me."
I finish my story as I finish my second beer. I feel both relief and uneasiness, I'm glad I finally told Stan this but I'm worried about what he'll think of me now that he knows. I look at Stan, his face has changed and he looks like when I first dropped the bomb about what happened to Charlie that day at BC Live.
He covers his face with his hands and says, "I'm sorry that it happened and I'm sorry if what I said earlier triggered some bad memories." Even though I can't see his face, I can tell he feels sorry for me. His voice is laced with sympathy and remorse. I didn't tell him this to gain sympathy but I'm kinda glad that he feels that way.
"Its fine, Stan. I just… You're my best friend and I figured you deserved to know this." I reassure him, "Honestly I've kinda gotten better at it. I used to get pretty anxious thinking back about it but now it's…better I guess. Love itself doesn't scare me that much, it's more the idea of making yourself so vulnerable and dependent to another person. So many people have hurt me and I just think it's easier to stay alone."
He opens a can from the six-packs he brought in, he practically chugs the drink down before asking me, "How have you been dealing with it?"
"I'm not on medications like Tweek if that's what you mean. I've been doing a kind of self-therapy, I try to think back about it without freaking out and I've read cases of what real love is like." I inform him before saying wistfully. "I have a more realistic grasp on romance and part of me wants that. I just wish I was strong enough to experience it myself instead of envisioning it in my head."
"Kyle, I get that you have a problem with relationships." He says in a calm and comforting tone. "After hearing what happened, I can definitely see why. But you don't have to keep imagining it like that."
"Stan, no one would be willing to put up with my issues." I retort, "Plus, I don't want to just date someone to get over my anxiety, I'd be no better than her. I want an actual relationship, I'm just waiting for the right guy."
"Well. You're not gonna find someone if you just sit here and wait, maybe you need to just start taking action and just do it." He points out, much to my dismay.
"What?! Stan I can't just go up to someone and just do it!" I cry out. "What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, I have relationship anxieties but I think you're hot. We should totally make out.' People will think I'm a freak, no one would-"
My words get cut off. Something pressing on my lips is stopping me from my rant, something soft and warm. My mind focuses and I see Stan's face right up against me, his nose touching my cheek, I can't believe what's happening right now.
Stan Marsh is kissing me.
He keeps the kiss short as I feel him pull away from me. My mind is left in a swirl of incoherent thoughts. What just happened? We were talking, I said that love can't just be spontaneous and then he… he kissed me. Now, he's sitting back to where he was with a smile on his face. God I just want to wipe that smirk off his face.
"How many times have you done that before?" I ask him in with a stoic tone
"A few times."
"… And how many times did you get hit for that?" I continue with my teeth clenched.
"I don't know…" He looks up in recollection, "Maybe 6?"
With that, I slap him. My hand leaving a bright red mark on his face with a satisfying sound. "Make that 7."
I'd honestly punch him if it wouldn't leave a bruise I do not need Tweek and especially Kenny playing 20 questions on how Stan got a black eye, since the guys didn't land a hit on his face.
I get off the couch we were sitting on to get away from him. I need to get my head straight. Why the fuck did Stan just kiss me? Suddenly I see Stan come towards me as I'm backing away from him, we keep going until my back hits the wall and he puts his right arm up against the wall, trapping me under him. I raise my hand, ready to give his other check the same treatment but he grasps my wrists, forcing me to look at him. I notice his face glowing under the soft candle lights.
He looks at me as he starts, "I know that seems insensitive for me to do but love is a pretty risky game. We've all been hurt by someone we've trusted but it's OK to be afraid of it. But you shouldn't run away from it. Even if you've never loved before…" I notice his face coming closer to mine.
"Even if you never knew what it felt like…" He continues. His face is now inches away from mine and I can feel his breath on my skin
"All you need is one moment…" I feel him lightly grazing over my cheek, my heart is racing at this point. What is he doing to me?
"To change everything." I hear him whisper lightly with his lips on my ear.
Stan's POV
Kyle quickly pushes me with way more force than I thought he would, his face's bright red and he looks like he just ran a marathon. He shoots a glare at me and asks me with a cautious and accusing tone, "Stan, what the fuck was that?"
"I was proving a point. Look at you, I just got closer to you and you act like I'm trying to rape you. I get that you have hard time opening up to someone but you gonna stop analyzing if what's the best move when it comes to love." I take my seat back onto the couch. "You just gotta follow your heart."
"Follow your heart." He scoffs, now taking a seat at the end of the couch and out of my reach. "What a joke, that's what got me in this in the first place."
"Kyle, if I learned anything, it's that you just gotta do what feels right, don't leave things for remorse or 'what if's. If you think you have feelings for someone, think about them and don't try to reject the feeling."
"What's with you guys? You sound like Kenny!" He jumps off the seat again, his face now red with anger. "I'm the one learning about the mind and how to help people with issues. Not you! So stop acting like you know what's best for me!"
"Ok, Kyle. Chill. Sorry man." I calm Kyle down, I might have pushed him too far. He sits back down and opens another can.
My mind now no longer caring about the fuming redhead before me, but the kiss I stole from him, "Your lips are softer than I thought." I mumble at the memory.
"What?" He asks before he pauses, his face turning green. "Oh shit… Dude, I think I need to throw up."
"Oh umm, come on." I pull Kyle to the bathroom and I let him puke in my toilet, I'm gonna have to clean that in the morning before I leave. I lightly pat his back to help him, then I hear knocking.
Who the fuck is knocking at this hour? "Kyle, someone's at the door, I gotta go get the door." I inform him before leaving him in the bathroom to open the door.
I open the door to find Z, his face is completely fucked up and he has no shoes. Did he run all the way here barefooted?
"What are you doing here?" I close the door, I don't want Kyle to see Z like this.
"I can't stay home, can I crash here for the night?" Ever since Z told me that his stepbrother locks him out sometimes, I offered to let him hang at my place so that he doesn't have to stay at the park until his mom comes home.
Normally I'd let him but I can't deal with both Kyle and Z right now. "We'll talk about this at the park."
I go back inside to grab a pair of shoes I left here before for Z, "Kyle, Z needs me. I'll be back soon."
Kyle's POV
Why the fuck did I think getting hammered was the best way to confess my past? My head's gonna hate me when I wake up. I groan as I walk out to the living room, Stan's no longer in the room. I think he mentioned he might be outside with whoever he said was knocking earlier. Was there someone knocking earlier? Urgh… I'm too out of it to remember.
I somehow wander into the bedroom. I lay my eyes onto the bed and I instantly feel its temptation. I wanna just crash and sleep here… but I shouldn't. Stan was acting really weird earlier, I mean I trust him and all but the alcohol in my brain is playing out horrible scenarios I know would never happen. Stan wouldn't do that to me… Not after he knew what happened about me with Vivi…right? But, maybe a little extra precaution wouldn't be bad.
I come up with a pretty smart idea for someone drunk off his ass. I find a little hiding spot on top of his drawer and I pull my phone out, the battery's on 27%. Shit I should've charged it before. Whatever, it should be enough for now. I put the phone into camera mode and I set it to record before putting it into the hiding spot I found, angling it to capture the whole room.
I step back and smile proudly at the setup. Ha, see you try and beat that.
With the reassurance of the camera and my body deciding to no longer give a fuck, I collapse onto the bed and doze off.
Stan's POV
I give Z the shoes and a pack of tissues I found in my pocket, he takes them on the bench he's sitting on. I cross my arms and ask him. "Z, what the fuck? Why are you so bruised up?"
"I know you said not to fight him until I could but…he," he wipes away a stray tear on the corner of his eye. "that son of a bitch wanted to steal my guitar, it was the last thing I had from dad, from my life before the divorce. I tried to stop him and well…" He touches his wounds lightly with a piece of tissue I give him, he hisses at the pain. "I guess we both know who lost."
"I can't believe this…" I groan in frustration. "Get yourself to the fucking hospital then! Why are you here?"
"Because I have nowhere else to go!" He cries. "You think I like coming here all the time, begging for your help? I feel horrible every time I have to come here and ask for your help but I had to, because no one else would give a shit about me. I'll just be another echo in the shadows. Please Stan. Don't leave me."
"I can't help you tonight, here's some money to go see a doctor. I need to get back to Kyle." I take some money out of my wallet and put it in his hand before leaving, I know it's cold of me to do so but this is ridiculous, it's been 5 times this week, I can't keep letting Z depend on me like this. Plus, Kyle's pretty wasted and he probably needs someone to take care of him tonight.
Out of guilt, I still pull out my phone to make a call, "Kenny, I'm sorry for calling you so late but I need a favor."
After calling Kenny to help with Z, I return to my apartment to find it empty. Kyle's not in the living room or in the bathroom. I notice that the master bedroom door is ajar so I enter the room. I see him sleeping on the bed, his hat still on his head but slight skewed, making it look like his hair is trying to escape it. His face looks peaceful and the blissful silence of the room allows me to hear his soft breathing. He looks like just like how he was in my arms that day, only much sweet and innocent.
I think back to what Kyle told me about Vivi, it's horrible what happened to him and I hate that bitch for hurting my super best friend and… I hate myself for not being there for him, I know it's stupid to blame myself for something like that but I couldn't help but think that I could have stopped this hurt.
So many people have hurt me and I just think it's easier to stay alone. That line keeps ringing in my head, was I one of those people? God, I hope not. I hope Kyle has forgiven me for what happened between us. I hear Kyle turning on the bed, breaking out from my thoughts. He's grabbing every little bit of the blanket he could get and wrapping himself into a cocoon.
I know I probably look like a creep right now but I can't take my eyes off of him like this, I reach out and lightly pat the small amount of hair that made it outside its green prison, noting the small sounds and gentle movements Kyle gives as a response. I can't help but crack a small smile at the sight. He's so adorable.
After a long while of being a creep hanging around Kyle's calm sleeping body, I get up and head over to my old recording room and call it a night.
A/N: There's your first taste of fluff. Like I mentioned before, the love in this story is spontaneous but it requires time to properly grow. So just trust me, guys c: Next time we see the aftermath of Stan's actions.
If you've seen the drama, you'd know what Kyle's condition is different from the original one. That's because this is part of my personal insecurity. Obviously it's changed a little to fit the story, it only lasted for a few days and that person would hurt me was my first crush, but other than that everything's the same. Ironically, the friend who revealed it to me was also named Vivian XD
Thanks a lot to Michelle Rita, I noticed that you like Kenny and Charlie's story and I'm glad. I was beginning to worry that people didn't like Kenny and Tweek's own sideplots.
As always, feel free to check out the drama this story is based on, "It's Okay That's Love" by SBS.
Take care, Loves.