Chapter 5:

Broken and mended both

A moment later they were on the front steps of Grimmauld Place. Harry felt sick but since he had hardly eaten anything that day, he didn't throw up.

'I think I'll stick to brooms.' Harry said clutching his stomach.

'You'll get used to it.' Sirius grinned and they entered the house.

When they entered the kitchen the twins started cheering as Ron slapped him over the back and Hermione hugged him.

'Sirius, you're back.' Ron then said.

'Thank you for letting us stay at your house.' Hermione added.

'Not a problem you two. How have you been? I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you guys.'

'When did you arrive?' asked Ron.

'This morning.'

'He just appeared in the trial room and took Fudge down a notch.' Harry grinned

'I didn't just appear. You can't just appear in a Wizengamot trial, Harry.' Sirius chuckled

'Well then, how did you get there without anyone finding out?'

'That's easy. Every Wizengamot member can use his or her magic to manoeuvre unhindered within the walls of the ministry if they need to get to and from a meeting. It's a defence mechanism to protect members from being late or from being accosted within the ministry by others when they are on the clock.'

'When did you become a member?' asked Harry

Sirius smiled 'When I came back this morning.'

'That's not fair Padfoot, you-'

'Padfoot?' Fred and George interrupted Harry. 'Did you just call him…Padfoot?' the look on their faces was slightly maniacal.

'Er, Harry? Why are they twitching?'

'You're their hero. They were the ones that took the map from Filch.'

'So you really are THE Padfoot?' asked George taking a step towards them.

'Boys, stop this nonsense.' Mrs. Weasley was glaring at the twins while Ron was trying to hold back laughter, and failing. Ginny looked amused, Hermione was moments away from rolling her eyes at the theatrics and Harry was grinning at Sirius's expense.

Two more steps forward from the twins and two steps backward for Sirius and the latter bumped into Lupin who had just arrived.

'Moony, thank Merlin.'

'Moony!?' Fred and George exclaimed making Remus, who was putting on an indifferent face, startle.

The twins advance another step before Mrs. Weasley sent a stinging hex at them making them yip.

'That's enough you two.' She turned towards Harry deliberately not looking at the twins or at Sirius and Remus. 'You must be hungry, Harry dear. You barely ate a bite before the hearing. What would you like to eat.'

'Anything you cook is fine, Mrs. Weasley.' Harry said before turning back to Sirius. Well there was tension between the two marauders. And it was that mainly that got Fred and George to back off after their mother intervened.

'Sirius, about where you were-'

'We'll talk after you get some food in your belly.' Sirius smiled squeezing his shoulder reassuringly, but his eyes were weary on Remus. 'You can find me in the study after.'

He left the kitchen as Mrs. Weasley threw him an angry look but she didn't say anything. Harry was too concerned with Lupin to notice it but Hermione had seen it and since they had managed to pick up some of the things that were discussed in the meetings she was also concerned about what Sirius had done to be proven innocent. They ate first and after feigning being tired Harry managed to pull out of the kitchen with Ron and Hermione in toe to search for Sirius. They reached the third floor where the study was and heard Lupin's angry voice. They exchanged concerned looks and slowly made their way to the study where their former teacher was apparently yelling his lungs out at Sirius.

'A MONTH SIRIUS, YOU'VE BEEN GONE A MONTH WITH NO NOTE, NO LETTER, NO SIGN THAT YOU WEREN'T DEAD IN A DITCH!'

'Remus I arranged for you to receive word in case I died.'

'AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM, YOU BLOODY IDIOT, WE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HELP YOU IF YOU WERE ALREADY DEAD!'

'I told you I couldn't tell you where and who I was meeting.'

'You could have let me come with you.'

'You would have stalled enough for Dumbledore to come and stop me.'

'As if anyone could stop you if you wanted to leave.'

'Dumbledore could have done just that. And I couldn't let him.'

'Sirius, Kingsley wasn't told of any trial, not how and why you were exonerated. There are some who think it's dark magic.'

Sirius snorted 'Well then, I guess me being now the head of the Black family won't help.'

'You're what? I thought you were disowned.'

'Mummy dearest wanted me disowned, and had she been head of the family she might have succeeded. But the decision wasn't hers to make and apparently my cold and calculating grandfather left me the title.'

'But then why did you receive the ring only now?'

'Old family magic, Arcturus's will as head of the family can't be contested by anyone but it can be sealed by ministerial magic if the successor has a criminal status or if he or she are in the process of getting a trial, which was my case. Once my name was cleared and I returned to British soil, the will was unsealed and immediately enacted.'

'I've never heard wills doing that.'

'That's because it's ancient family magic. There are only 9 families left and they all guard their secrets.'

'It still doesn't explain how you proved your innocence.'

'Nor will I explain. It doesn't concern the Order or Voldemort. It's between me and magic.'

'Magic?'

'I went to the highest authority to clear my name.'

'The highest authority?' Remus's whisper could be barely heard by the three teens who were eavesdropping.

'Now, stop arguing with me and open the door so the three stooges can come in.' Harry opened the door and the three entered looking rather sheepish. They didn't know that with the status of Lord of House Black came an awareness that extended outwards and encompassed the property the Lord was currently residing in.

'Hello Harry.' Sirius smiled and pointed the wand at the door but instead of the door he shifted the tip at the last second.

'Obliviate. Dormeo.' Both Hermione and Ron fell almost in slow motion to the floor, unconscious and with no recollection of what they had heard Remus and Sirius discuss.

'What the?' Harry started panicking.

'Calm down. Unfortunately the information you have heard is sensitive in nature. I can vouch for you, but I can't let them know about it.' Sirius said.

'So you'll tell me what this all means?' Harry felt for the first time that Sirius wasn't safe.

'In general terms, yes. Remus, can you take Hermione and Ron and set them in their beds.'

'You better not start the explanation until I get back.'

'I'll just catch Harry up.' Sirius gestured to the sofa and Harry sat down. He didn't feel safe. Sirius was different somehow, more in control, more lethal.

'I'll start at the beginning of summer. After the fiasco of the third task and Fudge being an idiot Remus and I managed to contact the old gang, I assume by now someone told you the Order had been founded during the first war.'

Harry nodded and Sirius continued.

'Well my status as a fugitive didn't leave me with much to do after I offered this place to Dumbledore as Headquarters. You probably already figured out what sort of people my parents were and that my own experiences in this house have been mostly negative.'

'Why?'

'My parents wanted a perfect pure blood heir. I wasn't that. I was the first Black in three centuries NOT to be sorted in Slytherin and the first ever to go to Gryffindor.'

'Oh.'

'Yes, well, that didn't earn me points either. Anyway, it doesn't matter as I am the last living Black and apparently even if my dear old mother tried to disown me the head of the family at the time, my grandfather didn't do it. So I get the house.'

'But you don't want it.'

'What I want is to blow it up, but it is the perfect place for headquarters since my father was paranoid and put every protection known to man on this place. Add the Fidelius and Dumbledore as secret keeper…well. This is one of the safest places for Headquarters to be in.'

'But that doesn't explain why you left…'

'In part it was because I didn't want to remain trapped in this house.' Sirius sighed and moved to look outside the window. 'Two weeks here and I started to lose my grip, or whatever grip I still had left after Azkaban. This place has almost the same effect on me as Azkaban does, the only difference is that here I have friends to visit me, keep me sane, in part. But it wasn't enough.'

'What do you mean?'

'Two weeks in I found a bottle of the best fire whiskey in one of my father's cabinets. And drowned the bottle.'

'Sirius-'

'No you need to hear this so you understand why we won't be living here. This place has too many bad memories for me even now after I sorted the damage done by Azkaban. I hate it.'

'Ok, so you left because-'

'I left because I was becoming useless and a liability to myself and…to you as well.'

'To me?'

'I've always been reckless, if me chasing after Pettigrew is any indication. But to top that with Azkaban and then this house and alcohol. The combination could only end with me putting you in danger with incompetent advice.'

'But this put your own life at risk.'

'Harry, I had no life to risk.'

'And if you had died?' Harry said angrily.

'I know. But you have known me for less than two years. And in those two years we barely saw each other. I care about you dearly Harry, I've loved you since your dad placed you in my arms and proclaimed me your godfather. But I wasn't the godfather James wanted me to be. I let him down, I couldn't let him down anymore.'

'So you think that because you and I don't know each other that well it means it's OK for you to die?'

'No, not OK. But if I died, yes, you would grieve and feel sad, but the man that died would have been something of a friend…'

'Is that what you think of me? I'm something of a friend?'

'No. I told you, I love you as if you were my own. I did since you were a baby, but you, you don't remember that. I wanted the chance to know you and for you to know me. In this house, you would have known a broken man, almost a monster.'

'And now?'

'And now if you wish, you'll get to know me, broken and mended both.'

'So, where did you go?'

'I went to an acquaintance, a friend almost, I met on one of the international missions back in my Auror days. I can't tell you much about this person as she worked as someone protected by a vow of silence. But I knew she was a chance to get international support for the order.'

'Why did you know that?'

'Because of her personal experience. Someone she cared about was wrongfully imprisoned and died so if there was someone that would hear me out…'

'So you went to this woman.'

'Yes, and I told her everything under Veritaserum. At first I thought only to get her to help the Order and make her aware that Voldemort was back, for real. But since 1980 her position and status changed a lot and she offered me a trial.'

'So there was a trial but not at the ministry?' Harry asked confused.

'No, it was as you heard the highest magical authority, an organization called the Cabal.'

'And they have this power over the Ministry?'

'They are guided by magic itself and any decision reached in the court of Justice is binding everywhere in the world. All the magical ministries or other organizations ruling Witches and Wizards are subjected to those decisions.'

'That sounds very much like a dictatorship.'

'It's not. Normally the Cabal doesn't intervene in human trials. Or in human affairs.'

'Why?'

'Mainly because humans have to want the trial and no one wants the trial unless they are desperate or stupid.'

'And which would you say you were?' Remus asked as he came back and closed the door behind him.

'A bit of both.' Sirius said.

'What do you mean? You were innocent, of course they would-' Harry started

'The trials of the Cabal aren't limited to one or two crimes you may or may not have committed.' Remus said.

'What?'

'The trial judges the person as a whole.' Added Sirius 'It judged all my life from beginning to the moment I chose the trial for myself.'

'Everything?'

'Everything. Good or bad, big or small, actions, inactions, thoughts, decisions, indecisions, feelings, magic.'

'How?'

'Well, it's magic. I can't say any more than that as it is not something that can be explained.'

'But they found you innocent.'

'They found him guilty.' Remus said.

'That can't be, he's a free man.'

'Remus is right Harry. I was found guilty.'

'I don't understand.'

'It's not a normal trial and so the verdict isn't a normal one either. Yes, I am innocent of the crimes the ministry accused me of but on the whole, with as I said, my very reckless decisions and actions I have to pay a price.'

'So what does that mean?'

'Well, that's between me and Magic, but part of it is me getting the lordship of house Black and doing some good with it.'

'You can't get away with that Padfoot! I know it can't be an easy sentence.' Remus added.

'It wasn't an easy anything. But it was my decision and I stand by it. All you need to know is that I believe the decision to be equitable.' Sirius said testily.

'Equitable? Padfoot you were innocent of any crime that matters in the eyes of man. You should have found another way.'

'Which way Moony? Tell me? The ministry refuses to see reason. Voldemort is getting stronger and the Order is all but useless.'

'That's not-'

'Don't start saying that Snape's reports are worth a damn. If I were Voldemort I'd be very cautious what information I let that snake know and contrary to what the great Albus Dumbledore and Snape believe, Voldemort isn't stupid enough not to question Snape's loyalty now.'

'I know but-'

'But what? We've been going at this all wrong and you know it. Fudge could have been made to see reason if Dumbledore had taken the time to prepare him for this. But did he? No. He kept everything close to heart.'

'Can you blame him? We were betrayed by Peter! A man we thought was our brother in all but blood. Can you blame Dumbledore for being cautious with what he told and who he told it to?'

'No, no I can't fault him for that. But he's the smartest man alive or so some might think and he let this happen. He got kicked out of the Wizengamot. He knew, HE knew Lucius was a true Death Eater and yet he did nothing to stop his influence on Fudge. Hogwarts is about to be taken from him too and we can't do shit if we have to act from the shadows.'

'Maybe we should keep this discussion for when Harry isn't here.' Remus said

'No.' Sirius said quicker than Harry could protest.

'He's still underage!' Remus protested.

'I know. But he needs to know at least part of what is going on.'

'I already told him of the ministry's narrowmindedness.'

'Only not the cause for it.' Sirius added and Harry had to admit that it did make sense why Sirius was angry with the headmaster.

'You're seeing Dumbledore the cause because he didn't trust you 14 years ago.' Lupin pointed out 'And you can't have Harry questioning Albus.'

'I don't want him to question Albus I want him to think for himself. And my trust issues with the headmaster aren't unfounded.'

'No they are not, but if we can't trust each other Voldemort has already won this.'

'Would you trust someone who signed your sentence for life in Azkaban without even looking you in the eyes?' Sirius asked.

'You can't know that.'

'Can't I?' Sirius pulled out a paper from a file and handed it to Remus.

'There must be an explanation for this.'

'You can go looking for it if you want. I've wasted enough time on Albus Dumbledore.'

'So what? You won't work for the Order anymore?'

'I'll work with the Order in as far as our interests align. As for me working for the Order that ends tonight at the meeting.'

'You can't be serious?'

'I'm always Sirius.'

'This isn't a joke!'

'No, it's not, now I'd like you to leave me and Harry alone. I want to talk to him in private.'

'Padfoot don't do this!'

'Remus, I love you as a brother and I'll always be there for you in any way I can, but I have chosen my path and even if it runs parallel to that of the Order it will not be the same. You can join me if you want, but that is ultimately your decision.'

Remus closed his eyes for a second before turning on his heels and exiting the room.

'I'm sorry about that.' Sirius sighed looking at Harry.

'What will happen to me?'

'My relationship with Dumbledore doesn't need to affect your own relationship with him. Nor with Remus or with anyone else for that matter. But now you know, in a more violent way than I wanted you to find out, how I stand in this equation.'

'I understand your reasons for not trusting him, but he's the most powerful wizard, the one Voldemort fears…'

'And yet he has not faced off against Voldemort once since this all began. Ever wonder why?'

Harry frowned. 'I don't understand.'

'Honestly, neither do I. Which is why I will have to have a very long chat with him about it. He might have kept information away from others because of trust issues but he needs to let someone know what is what or else all will be lost if something happens to him.'

'They said I can't join the Order and after all that you said, I'm not sure I want to. But I want to do something about all of this!'

'Well, you're still at school and before you can do anything you'll need to learn some more but I don't see why you need to be kept in the dark about what is going on.'

Harry looked up surprised. 'You mean you'll tell me?'

'Yes. And I'll also tell you now it won't be everything, not yet anyway. There are ways for wizards to get information out of people so until you can protect yourself against them you'll get the global image but not the details.'

'What sort of ways?' why hadn't anyone told him about them until now.

'Well, one of them is Veritaserum. Granted there are cases it doesn't work but very few. Another you know is the Imperius curse. If someone put you under it and compels you to answer them you might answer. Another is called Legilimency and it's a way of seeing inside a person's mind.'

'Mind reading?'

'Well the mind isn't a book but something like that.'

'I can shake off the Imperius. But what can I do against Veritaserum or Legili-thingy.'

'Oaths can stop Veritaserum from working, but very strong oaths so with that method we'll have to be careful, best is to be careful what you drink and who offers it to you. As for Legilimency the counter is Occlumency. You'll need to learn to close your mind.'

'Why does that sound like it won't be easy?' sighed Harry

'Because it isn't. But I asked for the trace to be removed so we can practice together.'

'Really? You can teach me?'

'Well you can't really get through the Auror program without Occlumency, but I am the son of a pure blood family with trust issues, Occlumency was mandatory by the age of 11, so I am a bit proficient in it. And since the treatment against the damage the Dementors inflicted on me, my mind's defences are back up and stronger than ever.' Sirius smiled.

'Can, can someone read minds from afar?'

'No. You would need to be in the same room with the person and for it to be most efficient they'd have to keep eye contact.'

'Ok, that's something at least.'

'Yes it is. Now back to some more pleasant topics. I didn't get you a birthday present, but I was hoping to take you shopping tomorrow for something you like.'

'You don't have to buy me a present…'

'I don't have to, but I want to.'

'I mean, I don't really want for anything. If I get to live with you and never see the Dursleys again I'm happy.'

Sirius smiled and pulled Harry in a hug 'You'll never see those people again if you don't want to.'