Chapter 13:

The scar

Their final destination had been New Zealand before returning on the 15th August to Margot. By then they had both put on some much needed weight and muscles. Harry was certain he would pass at least one OWL exam next year, DADA would be much easier than it already was and he could focus on Transfigurations where he still had problems. But the best part was his scar was no longer hurting him, there were times when it tingled but he was now proficient enough in Occlumency to hold off any odd dreams. He still got the occasional nightmare in the graveyard with Cedric, but they were becoming less frequent especially after talking to Sirius about it.

If there had been any doubts in his mind about moving in with his godfather at the beginning, there were no doubts left after their vacation. And so they walked in Margot's office laughing at how Padfoot had managed to get Harry two phone numbers from some very pretty Muggle girls just as they exited the Orly airport.

'Glad to see you two had fun.' Margot greeted them.

'Margot, it's nice to see you again.' Sirius said and Harry confirmed it although he did start to feel the apprehension now that the scar would be discussed again.

'Well, sit down, tea will be here shortly. I see you've been following an exercise regime.'

'Yes, and I took the potion daily as you said.' Added Harry

'You've grown a bit taller too and the tanned skin suits you.'

'Er, thank you.'

The tea arrived and each took a cup.

'No use beating around the bush. I've found out what the dark magic in your scar is, Harry.' She said looking gravely at them. 'And it's unfortunately a bigger problem than I originally thought.' Both Harry and Sirius were tense now as she went on. 'I assume you have been practicing Occlumency.'

Harry nodded 'I don't have any more headaches, or funny dreams, I sometimes feel a tingle from it but other than that, nothing.'

'Good, that tells me something more. It means the fragment is small, and that will help us treat it. Harry, you have a piece of Voldemort's soul trapped in that scar.'

That information went down with confusion for Harry and shear horror for Sirius.

'That can't be!' his godfather whispered.

'Unfortunately it is.'

'What does it mean?' Harry asked.

'It means a few things. It means that the dreams you've been having aren't your own, but rather Voldemort's experiences. That he could if he knew of this connection use it to see inside your own mind, maybe even try to possess you, but' she raised a hand to make him stop interrupting 'But that Occlumency is effective against him and with just three months of practicing you've managed to beat him out almost completely means the fragment is small, weak, likely a mistake and not planned so he doesn't know yet.'

'But he could find out.'

'If you were to delve into his mind more profoundly and he were to sense you, then yes, he could find out.'

'And he would push.'

'Yes.'

'I might not be able to repel him if he pushes.'

'You might still succeed.'

'There is more to this isn't it.' Margot exchanged a look with Sirius and only then Harry turned to look at his godfather and the expression the older man had on his face wasn't comforting.

'Is there a safe way to remove it?' Sirius asked his voice almost foreign.

'I'm afraid not. But I did prepare for it, and minimized the risks as much as I could.'

'I would like you to wait outside.' Sirius told Harry.

'What? No! I want to know what has gotten you so spooked. If you think I'm bad at Occlumency I'll do better, I promise, but-'

'Harry, it's not that, you're great at it. It's just…'

'This concerns me, I should know. You promised that I could know if I could protect myself!'

'OK, but you have to promise me you don't freak out and that in the end the decision belongs to both of us, that we'll talk it through first.'

'OK, although I don't understand.'

'Yet. Margot you can go on.' He said this keeping an arm wrapped around Harry's shoulder as if he was afraid the teen would bolt.

'The fragment acts like a Horcrux even though it isn't a complete one, the sealing ritual for the soul didn't happen, so it isn't as protected.'

'What is a Horcrux?'

'It's very dark magic, to create one a person has to murder another human being in the process injuring his or her soul with the intent to split it and hide a part of it in an object or another living being. As long as that object or creature exists, the original soul can't die.'

'So Voldemort can't die…because of me?'

'I think he made another Horcrux before you, possibly more because for a piece of his soul to just detach without him wanting to or knowing it happened his soul must have already been damaged beyond normal.'

'So…so I…'

'To remove the fragment of the soul you must die.' Margot said.

Harry felt like a bucket of cold ice was poured over him. He had never before been so aware of his own heartbeat. He had to die, otherwise Voldemort couldn't be killed. He had to…he was pulled back from his reverie by Sirius pulling at his shoulder to get his attention.

'Remember that we have to talk about this. There is always another choice.'

'W-what other choice?' Harry didn't recognize his own voice.

'We could trap him, imprison him for a long time, long enough that you're old and grey and someone else can finish the job after you pass on.'

'Sirius, that…' could that be another choice? Harry felt lost, sick, there was a sour taste in his mouth accompanying the tea. He looked back at Margot asking her if it was possible.

'Your godfather's idea has merit. Of course you will have to become better at Occlumency and never let your shields down.'

Harry blinked. To live an entire life with Voldemort's fragment lodged in his head. To be always afraid of his own shadow, constantly wondering if the dark wizard had found out about the connection. And could he really live to an old age in a world where Voldemort existed? The man was hunting for him, wanted to kill him.

'I can't do that.' He finally said.

'What? Harry, you don't have to decide right now.'

'Sirius, I can't live my whole life with this.' He pointed at the scar. 'I'll go mad with worry!'

'Harry…'

'No!' Harry got up. 'I know I said we'll talk but…Voldemort is after me, and trapping him isn't going to be easy. I…I can't take the risk of him being immortal because of me.'

'There can be other Horcruxes out there. Even if you die, there's no guarantee he won't stay immortal.'

'But there is a guarantee he'll stay immortal as long as I'm alive. Sirius I…' Harry's frenzy stopped as if he drained himself of all the energy. 'I don't want to die.' Sirius pulled him into his arms and Harry started silently crying.

'You won't…we'll find another way. I promise…' Harry wanted to believe him but it was too soon and his emotions were running wild and his scar started prickling a sign that his Occlumency shields were failing. Not good.

'I can offer you my assistance. I know what I will propose isn't 100% safe, but I believe it can work.' Margot said softly as Sirius managed to calm Harry enough for them to sit back down on the couch but didn't let the teen out of his arms.

'Tell us.' Sirius said.

'We have the means to clinically kill Harry and bring him back after a few minutes. Of course it's dangerous, but it would be in a controlled environment and it would provide us with a window of opportunity to extract the soul fragment and destroy it. I'll have to tell you, it's never been done before. But I talked to my team here and there is a 70% chance of success.'

'That's not good enough!' Sirius wouldn't risk Harry for those odds. He couldn't. All he was doing was for Harry. If Harry died now, then all of this was for nothing.

'How long would I be dead for?' Harry asked straightening out from Sirius's arms and whipping his face with his hand.

'Harry, no!'

'Sirius, let's hear her out at least.'

'I've heard all I need to hear. If you…70% isn't acceptable.'

'I can't live like this Sirius. I can't live knowing it's because of me that monster can't die. I can't live thinking that any second he could try to take control over me through this scar. What if…what if it happens when I'm at Hogwarts and I kill Ron or Hermione or anyone else there? What if it happens at the Den and I kill you? I…I can't live with that uncertainty.'

'You might not be living at all after this!'

'If…if something goes wrong, can you pull back faster, make sure I live at least?' Harry asked Margot.

'We'll try everything to make sure your life is spared.'

'Even if it means the soul fragment remains?' asked Sirius.

'Yes, we can try it again in a year's time if it doesn't work. We'd have more data, you'd have enough time to recover and chances of Voldemort being in control by then are slim if you continue to block him with Occlumency.' Margot concluded.

'Let's do it.' Harry said. Sirius eyed him worriedly. 'I don't want to die. This is the best shot I have to live, really live.'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm sure. I don't want to be connected to him any more time than I already have been.'

'Then promise me you'll come back.'

'Sirius.'

'NO! You promise me that you'll fight to come back, no matter what, no matter how pretty the light at the end of the tunnel is, you'll come back!'

'I told you I want to live. I won't die, I promise.'

Sirius closed his eyes, his hands still holding onto Harry's shoulders and with a heavy heart he nodded his agreement.

The next hour was the hardest in Sirius and Harry's lives. The procedure took 5 minutes tops, but prepping the patient took some time. Sirius refused to leave the room and was confined to a corner so he wouldn't get in the way of the medi witches and wizards. At the end of those 5 minutes, which to Sirius seemed to be 5 centuries Harry's heart began to beat again and Margot's smile told him they had succeeded. Sirius felt his legs give way under him and he leaned against the wall silently crying in relief.

Harry wondered where he was and why his mind seemed so fuzzy. He remembered they were supposed to arrive at the Clinique but couldn't figure out if they had or not. There were voices near him, muffled at first, but coming into focus as seconds trickled by.

'-full recovery. He's a brave kid.'

'I'm just glad I didn't lose him.'

'There were slim chances of that Sirius.'

'30% isn't slim.'

'Would you have left here with him knowing what he did?'

'I don't understand.'

'He would have sought another solution, tried it out even, without supervision or a team of healers to help him.'

'He wouldn't have.'

'Really? What would you have done if you had been in his place?'

'I'd have hidden away from the world. Trying to keep everyone safe before finally going to confront Voldemort and die.'

'Well, now I know where he's got the sacrificing streak from, as if I needed any more proof of that.'

'His father was much the same, he would have given his life for all of us he called friends.'

'You would have done the same. But that's in the past, and he's safe, Horcrux free and now we know a bit more about those horrible things.'

'You said there are others.'

'For this to have happened to Harry, I can stake, well, maybe not my life but my wand hand that he made more.'

'Not just one?'

'No, definitely more.'

'Merlin's bloody balls, I'll have to add hunting Horcruxes to the to-do list.'

'You have a to-do list?'

'Surprizing isn't it?'

'Not really, I just thought it would take you more time to come up with one.'

'I spent two weeks doing nothing but siting around while you sorted out the damage the Dementors did.'

'That's why you went through so much parchment? I thought you were doodling.'

'No, it's a secret writing system us Marauders invented in our 4th year. So that no one could know what we were saying while passing notes in class.'

'Naturally you'd invent secret writing in school.'

'It was actually Moony's idea. This way we could discuss our pranks with the teachers being none the wiser.'

'Is your friend on your list?' Margot asked.

'He is a work in progress. He feels he owes too much to Dumbledore to just up and leave the Order.'

'But you don't feel the same.'

'I trusted the man with my life once and he sent me to Azkaban without the courtesy of looking me in the eyes. Even if I owe him the benefit of a doubt for sending Harry and Hermione to rescue me in Harry's third year, I would be foolish to put my life or Harry's life for that matter in his hands.'

'Harry's too?'

'Yes, whatever blood protection Lily's sacrifice gave Harry wasn't worth the neglect he suffered as a child. And after listening to Harry's accounts of his first two years at Hogwarts…'

'I was wondering about your former headmaster actually.'

'What do you mean?'

'Would he have been able to spot the Horcrux in Harry?'

'Dumbledore is knowledgeable but if he did spot it…what would he have done about it?'

'Well, if he did know about it, I'd say he did nothing until now.'

'Harry said Dumbledore explained his dreams as a connection to Voldemort because of the backfired killing curse.'

'Yes, well I wouldn't advise explaining this truth to any child unless supervised like we have done here.'

'So you think he knows?'

'I don't know Dumbledore, only by reputation and rumours but it seems very unlikely that he didn't examine the scar thoroughly.'

'So you think he knows.'

'Yes, which follows with the question, what did he have planned for Harry?'

'You're giving me more reasons not to trust the man.'

'I think you have the right idea about him at the very least.'

'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'For bringing him back.'

'It wouldn't do to take away your only reason for living.'

'Is that all?'

'That's all you need to know right now. I don't suppose I can persuade you to come eat in the cafeteria.'

'Not until he wakes up and joins me.'

'I'll send a tray of food up then.'

And with that the sound of a door opening and closing told Harry he was alone with Sirius. He faked sleeping for a bit more until he decided it was safe to open his eyes just as Sirius received his food and the sound of cutlery became an excuse to stop pretending. He didn't want to tell Sirius he had listened in. And he didn't like the idea that Dumbledore knew about the Horcrux and had done nothing. But the real question was indeed, what had the headmaster planned for Harry? Those troubles took a back seat however when they discussed what they were about to do in their one and a half day of holiday left to them and Sirius insisting on visiting Paris since they only skirted the town before this.

A/N: Yay, Harry is Voldypants free. And next chapter we will be back in merry old England. Until then, have a nice weekend because it's Friday J