The tiny little box
"Dr. Montgomery, this is for you," said Megan, Addison's secretary at the hospital.
She had a bouquet of red roses and a small white box. Addison was surprised.
"Who sent it?"
"I don't know. It was just delivered here."
"No card?"
"No card."
"It must be one of those hospitals congratulating about the nomination," she said taking the flowers. "Thanks, Tyler."
She walked to her office and put the flowers and the box on the desk.
A month had been passed since she got her Harper Avery nomination. Since then she had had receive a lot of job offers, and hospitals around the country used send her flowers, chocolates, card, etc. It was like when she was a talented resident that was approved to be both OB-GYN and neonatal surgeon in her exams. When she sat in her chair, she picked up the box and opened it. She was curious. It wasn't donuts or chocolate as she was thinking, but some tiny folded papers. She picked one, and read.
The day we met in a record store and spent hours listening to Frank Sinatra songs.
She could recognize the handwriting and picked another paper.
The day we had a quickie at the male locker room after we won Stanford's team.
She smiled and opened another one.
The first time I kissed you (or you kissed me, I don't know) at Kathleen's birthday party.
She shivered. "How could he remember that?"
Every time we've spent hours talking (and kissing) at your father's lab in Columbia when I was his assistant.
She could come back to those moments. At least, she felt like she could.
The day I wanted to kill Mark at the hospital when he let you work by yourself the whole night.
She rolled her eyes. It was so Mark and they were on the same team at residence. Derek wasn't on their team, because they couldn't choose it. Her team was Mark, Sam, Lane Jones, and Joshua Garrison. Derek's team was he, Naomi - what he kind of hated, Jenna Smith, Melanie Harris - what Addison certainly hated, and Alfred Locke. Weiss was the only one in a team full of people he didn't know. Most of their colleagues had worked at Mount Sinai, or switched to other hospitals on East Coast.
The first time we had sex at our brownstone during the renovation.
She couldn't keep her laugh.
The postcards you've written me on our honeymoon as your marriage's vow.
She felt a tear running down her cheek.
The day we fought 'cause you let Amy go to your apartment, where she got my prescriptions to get high.
There were lots of papers and she didn't even know if she could read them all.
The day Ella was born and you were the strongest woman I've seen.
Picked another one.
The day you did Captain almost punch a patient's parent 'cause he yelled at you and you weren't even right.
She giggled. She used to get attached to the patients, mostly when were children she thought were abused.
The day you've told me about Dolly. You were so excited.
"It was the first cloned animal!" She thought.
She noticed a folded paper on the lid and took it. She couldn't read all those papers at that moment because she had a lot of work to do.
You once told me you had to put all our history in a tiny little box after the divorce, so I've decided to do it. But I guess everything is so resumed here 'cause it's impossible to put all we had in a box.
I want you to use it to remember why we deserve another chance. And it's also to prove I've never, and will never, forget our history.
I love you.
Derek.
She squinted and read another paper. She skipped work the whole morning and read everything Derek had written laughing, crying, missing. In some papers, he had written the reason for some break-ups they had. It was so many, and that made Addison realize they've always come back. No matter what was the reason, silly ones or good ones, they have always found a way to make up.
The day our friends started to call us AddisonAndDerek 'cause they didn't believe in our breakups anymore.
She laughed and kept reading. When she finished, she sighed and took her cellphone to call him.
"Addie?!" he answered.
"Are you mean it?" she asked.
"Of course I am," he said like knowing what she was talking about.
Maybe he could predict she would call.
"What did you think?" he asked.
"All I read was… So cute."
"Cute?!" he asked. "I've opened my heart for you and all you have to say is that this is cute?!"
She giggled.
"Okay. It was… It was beautiful, Derek. I'm touched by it. It was the third best gift you've given me."
"The third?"
"Yes. There are the girls..."
"But we made them together. I thought Hamptons was the best gift you received ever."
"It wasn't by you."
They laughed.
"Okay, tell me what did you think about this gift," he said.
"Well, flowers are beautiful..."
"Addie!"
"Well, I thought… Beautiful, delicate… Somethings you shouldn't remember."
"As the day you had sex with Kennedy Smith because you were mad at me?" he asked.
"Or the time you had sex with Melanie Harris at that nightclub's bathroom when I was in Connecticut."
"Have I written this?" he asked.
"I don't think so, but I've remembered it when you remembered about Smith. You've started it."
"But we're not together when I had sex with her and I can't even remember why I did it."
"Neither am I," she admitted giggling. "But you've kissed her at that party in Jenny Green's house, in the pool, and I was in the pool…"
"Oh, Addie, can we just forget it?" he asked. "So?"
"So what?"
"This box is sufficient to make you understand I love you, or do you need something more? 'Cause I'm available to spend some money in a Time Square announcement."
She laughed. She was missing his sense of humor.
"We can start again," she answered.
"What do you mean?" Derek asked.
"We can date to see how things happen. I mean, when you are in New York, you can ask me on a date."
"It's not fair, Addie! I've done it 20 years ago! You're my wife, my daughter's mother, we have a history together. I don't want to throw it all in the trash to start everything again."
"I'm not saying to throw everything, just…"
"Addie, coming back to the beginning won't help. Look, I agree to make it slow 'cause we do live in different cities, but what you are asking me are baby's steps."
"You see? We can't even agree about it without a fight," she said.
"No, we're not fighting, we are discussing something, having different opinions about something that is important for both of us."
"Last time we did things on your way it didn't work!" she exclaimed.
Derek was silent. Addison could listen to him sighing.
"Okay, let's do it on your way then. We're dating. It's ridiculous."
"Wow, Derek! It really gave me a lot of enthusiasm. I'm happy to get in a relationship you think is ridiculous."
"I need time to get used to it. I'm sorry," he said. "I hadn't planned it. But it's okay. I'm gonna do anything for you."
"Thank you."
"Do you have our rings?" he asked.
"I threw it in the sea."
"YOU THREW OUR RINGS IN THE SEA?!
"I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM!"
"I didn't know what to do with mine either, but I didn't throw them anywhere!"
"Can we stop fighting?!" she asked.
Derek was silent.
"Honestly, Addison, can you see us as a married couple again?" he asked.
"I don't know... I don't even know if we can date fighting like this. But I think it can be good for us to make sure if this is what we want to. I need to know what kind of relationship we can have from now on before saying I want you in my life," Addison said.
"How many times you're gonna need to realize it? I mean, I'm gonna wait, but if you have a period of time in mind I can adjust my expectations."
"Don't push me. You're gonna know when we're ready."
"Okay... You decide then."
"Right. So let's come back to work and save lives. Will you call me tonight?" she asked.
"No."
She was surprised by his simple answer.
"No?"
"No. Tonight I have a date in New York with a hot redhead I've met some years ago."
"You're in New York?" she asked surprised.
"I am. And I let girls sleep at mom 'cause I know I'll want to take that girl home."
Addison smiled.
"And what makes you think she's gonna say yes?" she asked.
"Oh, have you looked at me? Have you noticed my hair? Girls can't resist this. And I know this girl loves my hair."
Addison giggled shaking her head.
"Okay, so good luck on your date, dr. Shepherd."
"I hope you're ready at 7:00."
She just smiled and hung up the call. Finally left her office to start her shift.
At the end of the afternoon, Derek drove to Mount Sinai Hospital to pick her up. That place was exactly like he remembered. He waited for her with a small bouquet of flowers and could recognize some of his old colleagues leaving the elevator.
The elevator door opened at least five times and none of these were with Addison leaving. Rachel Connor left with some young friends and was surprised to see him there. She smiled at him and Derek smiled back barely recognizing her. She blushed.
Addison left the elevator looking for something in her purse. She saw Derek when looked forward and smiled at him. She left her cellphone there in the purse and stood in front of him picking the flowers.
"Congratulation on your Harper Avery Awards nomination!" he whispered with his face closer to hers.
"You've said that a month ago."
"I had to say it again, again, again and again."
He pecked her lips and held her hand.
"You don't have to drive tonight. I'll take you to our restaurant," he said.
Addison smiled. They went to her car and he drove to the restaurant they used to go when they lived there. They got a table and a waiter approached giving them the menu. Addison was looking for what she wanted to have, talking about the girls, while Derek was reading the wine's menu.
"And Bizzy built a giant bedroom for them. You have to see it," she commented. "I felt so… I don't know, we live daily with our kids, but we don't know what they think. How can they see something good on Bizzy? Something I've never…"
"I think I'll have this red wine..." Derek interrupted. "But if you want the white one…"
Addison was embarrassed.
"Am I annoying you, Derek?" she asked.
"If you prefer a dessert one, I should agree with it. What do you think?"
"Derek, I'm talking about our daughters. Do you think there's something better than them to talk about?"
"Probably no," he said closing the menu. "But I've brought you here to talk about us, just us."
She nodded.
"I'm sorry. I think I've broken the habit of talking about anything but the girls. I mean, after many years of…" she paused and sighed. "What do you wanna eat?" asked taking the menu.
"You'd say after many years of marriage?" he asked making her blush.
"Yeah, I would, but there's no marriage, right Derek? We've been in front of lawyers deciding the terms of our divorce, we went through property division, or did we forget something?"
"I don't know how you feel about it, but about me, I guess I forgot to listen to my heart, what it was telling me that time and I couldn't listen 'cause I was so… Hurt."
"And what it's telling you right now?" she asked. "Take care, it should say. If it isn't, I am. Take care, Derek."
"Good night, sir, ma'am. Have you chosen what are you having tonight?" the waiter asked.
"Yes," Derek said. "We're gonna have this main course."
"Nice choice. Something to drink?"
"Red wine at…"
"Yeah, he can choose the wine, but I won't eat the main course, I'll order a salad and salmon, please."
Derek raised his eyebrows.
"Are you sure?!"
She just nodded.
"Okay," Derek said to the waiter.
Derek nodded to the man and he walked away.
"It has been like this, right Derek? You're always choosing what you think is the best for us."
"I thought you liked it."
"Me too," Addison said. "But then I was lonely, and I saw I actually liked the comfort, but I've learned to live without it."
"I don't wanna talk about discomfort…"
"Oh, but we will. We have to talk about it. We don't have to talk just about what you want."
"I haven't meant it. I just think it's not the best time to talk about it."
"But I wanna talk about everything. About Meredith…"
"Addie, don't screw things up."
"Why?"
"We can talk about it, but not now."
In some minutes the waiter came back. They tasted the food.
"This is delicious, the wine…"
"Agree."
"I just want to keep the happiness. It's so painful for me and I'm sure it's for you too."
"Derek, look, if there's 0,1% of possibility for us to makeup, we have to talk about everything, mainly about uncomfortable things, because they brake our marriage," Addison said starting to eat.
"It wasn't Meredith who broke our marriage. It was the hope of a second chance, a different life."
"I'm not getting then. If our life wasn't good for you, so why do want it back?"
"Of course it was," he interrupted. "I'm not talking about our whole marriage, I'm talking about the period we are not close…"
It was hard for him to admit and she knew that.
"Because of my indifference," he finally said. "It's hard to understand. It's hard to get, 'cause… I don't know how to say it. I can't feel guilty about it, I mean, of course I fell, but I… I didn't mean it."
"I know that, but I didn't mean to get involved with Mark."
"And I didn't mean to get involved with Meredith, but after I… After I catch you with Mark, I couldn't imagine I would rebuild my life with someone else. I guess I'd never be happy again, so when she happened I wanted to live with her because when I was with her I didn't think about why you did it, why you've screwed our marriage, why you've done it to our daughter. And I didn't like to think about it 'cause every time I thought about it, I wonder what have I done for you to do it. I was avoiding you, avoiding having this talk, avoiding feeling guilty about our marriage failure, and Meredith, she was there, a new history, no judgment, no guilt, no issues."
"It feels like I'm being unfair to you guys," Addison said.
"I'm not defending Meredith, 'cause I think she doesn't need to be defended, she doesn't need to be sorry about anything. I need to be sorry, Addison, because I was so hurt that I throw on your face that I was able to rebuild my life and live without you, but I wasn't," he paused. "I wasn't, 'cause I spent this whole time with her thinking about you, about why our marriage hadn't worked, why I couldn't feel comfortable if I feel happy and satisfied with her."
Addison was proud to listen to it. He had finally been honest about his feelings. So she touched his hand over the table.
"Thanks for recognizing it."
They kept eating and talking about everything, girls most of the time, but also jobs and plans for the holidays. After they had desserts, Derek paid the bill and they stayed there drinking the wine. Derek held her right hand and stroked her fingers.
"Come home?"
"Yes. It's late."
They stood up and went to the door laughing.
"For me, we can stay here until lunch tomorrow," Derek said guiding her with her hand on her back.
"Easy…"
When they left, they met a woman. She had blond and curly hair, was wearing a blue dress that looked like from '60s, and was with a tall man. He had brown hair and was wearing formal clothes.
"Derek Shepherd?" she asked.
He nodded smiling.
"Hey, how are you?" Derek asked.
"I'm good. You?"
"I'm good too."
They looked at each other for some seconds.
"This is Alexander, my husband," she introduced.
"Oh!" Derek raised his eyebrows. "Nice to meet you," said shaking his hands.
"This is Addison. She's my…"
"Your wife. I know."
"Do you?"
"Yeah. I remember her. When you've had the baby and your mom made a party for the first time you took her to her house, she's showed me who's your wife."
"You were there?"
"No. Your mom went to my house to invite me, but I've preferred not to go."
"Why?" Derek asked.
"B-Because I was packing my things to move to Italy with Alexander."
"Oh!"
"Yeah... But what about your baby? She must be a beautiful girl, right?"
"Yes. She's 7, but we've had another one, she's 2."
"Wow! You just had just girls?"
"Yes."
"I've had three boys."
Derek's eyes bugged.
"So you should give me sons?" he commented.
The woman blushed and Addison was surprised by that comment.
"Mary, I think we better talk about it inside, not at the restaurant's entrance," Alexander suggested.
Addison finally realized who she was. She was Derek's first girlfriend. The one Carolyn loved for not being privileged like her.
"Well, we've lost time at his office, but thank god this restaurant is opening until late…"
"Made a good choice," Addison said. "Has Derek brought you here before, Mary?"
"No," Derek answered for her.
"So you're gonna love it. Take our table," she said pointing. "Too bad you didn't arrive sooner, we could share a very nice dinner."
Derek noticed her irony and put a hand on her waist.
"Well, we have to go," Derek said. "It was very nice to see you again. Are you living in the same house?"
"I am.".
"Great. So we'll see when I visit mom."
"It would be nice. We have a lot to talk about."
"Yeah. Have a nice dinner."
"Thank you."
Addison and Derek went to the car, and he kissed her cheek before driving.
"Addie, I was dreaming or you were jealous about Mary?"
"Don't be so snooty! It was a coincidence and I saw you were so… So you should give me sons?" she mimicked him. "Come on, Derek. I don't care if you took her there, or if you had a girlfriend before me, or if she still likes you."
"Do you think she likes me?"
"She does. And she should probably be that woman."
"What woman?"
"Woman your mother wanted for you. That one who stays at home, taking care of kids and cooks dinner for you at night."
"Addie... No! All I had with her was a dream, and dreams have an end, okay?"
"Good dreams bring good memories."
"Are you afraid of my memories?" he asked smiling.
"You've always been a dreamer, Derek."
"And you've always been a realist, that's why we match. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't do anything in my life. You know I don't believe in lots of things, but I've always believed in you."
"I guess my life should be so calm if I got married to Noah..."
"Come on, Addison."
They both laughed together. When they got into the Brownstone, Addison threw her purse in an armchair and felt weird by the silence. It was like the girls weren't there since always and they were back in their first years of marriage when they got home after work and just sat on the couch appreciating the silence. Derek pulled her waist and smelled her neck.
"I had a lot of fun. I'm excited about our second date."
"Me too. Thank you for the wonderful night."
"It was my pleasure."
He got closer and kissed her. When felt his tongue, Addison lost her mind and stroked his hair.
"Wanna go up..." Addison whispered in a seductive voice.
Derek smiled. They went upstairs and got into the bedroom kissing. He push the door with his foot to close it and threw Addison on the bed. They've kissed for some minutes, but Addison switched and sat on top of him. In that position, she could better see the desire in his eyes, and feel his hand running through her back unzipping her red dress.
"You're the prettiest woman I know," he moaned unbuttoning her bra.
"Am I?"
"You are."
They kissed again, then Addison took off his shirt and her own clothes.
"You're hot…"
Derek touched her scruff and kissed her neck making her moan.
"Take your clothes off," she asked sitting next to him.
He obeyed. There was that familiar thing about them. They knew everything about one another, so sex was like a rehearsed dance and they knew all the steps to get what they wanted. Derek kissed her neck again and got on top of her. That was the moment they didn't have control over anything. What they were feeling, what they were moaning, what they were saying… They couldn't control it. With no children around they could moan out loud.
"I love you," she whispered before biting his ear softly.
They didn't get so long to have their orgasm. Derek lay down next to her breathing. They were breathless.
"Thank you. It was wonderful."
"It was."
He got closer to kiss her neck.
"I love you."
She smiled and pecked his lips.
"I know."
They've spent some minutes silently, just hugging each other, waiting for the courage to stand up to get their pj's, so Derek just pulled down the blanket to cover them up. Addison thought they would sleep like that, but Derek sat down, took his boxers, dressed it, and left the bedroom. She went to the closet to dress in a nightdress and was surprised when Derek came back with a bother of wine and two glasses.
"What's this, dr. Shepherd?"
"Let's celebrate your Harper Avery nomination…"
She laughed and hugged him while he was fulling the glasses. They drank reading the papers he had written, remembering when things happened. They hadn't felt when fell asleep. When Addison woke up the next morning, Derek was already awakened. Before she says something, he pecked her lips.
"Good morning..." he said.
"Morning," she answered pecking his lips.
Derek smiled and stared into her eyes.
"Am I dreaming?" he asked touching her hair.
"I don't think so."
"So am I died and arrived at heaven?"
"No. We are alive and this's not a dream," she said stroking his face.
"Don't dare to take me off this bed, then, 'cause I won't leave," he said hugging her. "You had a goodnight's sleep?"
"I guess I didn't sleep like thins in months, years," Addison confessed sitting on the bed.
Derek also sat and kissed her cheek. The bedroom was a mess, the bother of wine was thrown next to the glasses.
"Look, I'm not complaining, but I wasn't planning to have sex at the first date," he said. "When we dated for the first time, I had to wait two months."
Addison laughed.
"But I wasn't planning to have sex at the first date either, I didn't even pass my special moisturizer," she said making him laugh. "But I can't handle with you, dr. Shepherd. I don't know what happens."
Derek approached and kissed her.
"I wanna sleep here with you forever."
"Me too."
They kissed again.
"Let's have breakfast 'cause you have to take the girls to your mother's house."
"No... Forget about them. They must be having a lot of fun, not thinking about us," Derek said. "Let's have breakfast anywhere else."
"Anywhere else?!"
"Yeah... Aren't you tired of this house?"
"This is my house!"
"Wow!"
"Mine. You let it all for me, right?!"
He smiled shaking his head and kissed her.
"Get dressed. We're gonna have breakfast anywhere else."
"Okay, dr. Shepherd. What should I get to dress?"
"You're beautiful in anything."
She smiled and left the bed. After taking a shower, she got dressed while Derek was waiting and watching TV in the living room.
"Wow!" Derek exclaimed when she went downstairs.
Addison was wearing a pleated midi flowered skirt, with a black shirt, almost no makeup, and red lipsticks.
"Now I'm feeling poorly dressed," Derek said. "Honey, we're going to a cafeteria near here."
"I'm sorry, you didn't say."
"Okay. Let's go."
They left. Derek drove to a bakery near their house. They used to have breakfast there when they first moved to the brownstone and had a busy routine.
"You know when was the last time I went out to have breakfast?" Addison asked before sipping her coffee.
"We've never done it," Derek said before eating another piece of egg.
"No. I'm not complaining, I'm not talking about us, I'm talking about me. I guess the last time I had breakfast in a cafeteria was 12 years ago."
"Addie, I don't think that date thing will work," Derek said. "We're not strangers who met in a park, in a cafeteria. We're AddisonAndDerek! We've known each other's favorite color, or singer, or where we've born… We don't need to date to know it. We've known it 20 years ago. We've met at college, I've been your friend, boyfriend, lover, husband, your daughter's father. Addie, we are at 100 km/h, it's impossible to get slow! I know we have issues, but we can't deal with it dating. We can rebuild a better relationship for us and for the girls, but start it all again…"
"What do you suggest then?" she asked.
"We should assume us as a couple."
Addison pursed her lips, took another sip of her tea, and stared into his eyes.
"What's up?!" he asked.
"Nothing... It's just. I've woken up a lot this same hour we've woken up today, I've looked around and you weren't there, then I've tried to convince myself you were working, but Katie didn't wake up, so I was forced to remember none of you both were here in New York. I've been alone in our bed, in our house."
"Addie, we get to forget it."
She thought for a few seconds. She wished she could let it all be in the past.
"If you wanna stay, Derek, I can do it, I can forgive you," she said. "And I can love for the rest of my life, exactly like I'm loving you at this moment. But don't lie to me. Please, don't lie to me. I wanna you to stay with me if you love me, not for the girls, not for a quick feeling you're having right now. So, think about it, Derek. If I am something for you to forget you're mad with Meredith, to prove anything, I prefer you to go."
"Do you think I should do it? If I am here is because I love you," Derek said holding her hand. "I want you to forget everything that is bad. I want everything to be like it used to be."
"No. I don't want everything to be like it used to be. I want everything to be better."
"I promise you. I promise you we're gonna do it better," Derek said.
"I won't ask you to walk away. Stay, Derek. Stay forever. Stay in our bedroom, in our house, in my life… Stay."
Derek smiled. He took his cellphone and pointed to her face.
"Derek... Stop it."
"Smile."
"Stop it."
"Just a smile."
"People are looking at us."
"I don't care. You're pretty. Smile."
"Derek..."
"Addie..."
She crossed her arm on the table and smiled at his phone. Derek showed it to her.
"I should wear more make-up. Look at these wrinkles."
"You're pretty!" Derek said throwing his cellphone in his pocket. "You wanna do something before picking up the girls at mom?"
"Yes, I'd like you to drop me off at the hospital, so I can get my car."
"Oh no. I won't drop off you at the hospital, 'cause I know if you went there, you're gonna stay there, and I'm planning to spend the day with you and girls."
"Take me home, then, I'll wait for you there."
"Don't you wanna come to mom with me?"
"Dr. Montgomery... Good morning!"
They looked at her and smiled back. She had dark hair and was with an old man.
"Good morning, Ellen," Addison said recognizing the young woman. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but we've seen you when we got and my father wanted to meet you. Dad, this is the wonderful doctor I've been talking about."
Addison just smiled and shook the man's hand.
"Nice to meet you."
"She talks about you all the time. It's really nice to meet you."
"It's my pleasure. Well, this's Derek, my… My husband. Derek Shepherd."
Derek smiled and greeted the people.
"A doctor too?" the gray-haired man asked.
"Yes. Neurosurgeon."
"Wow!" they both exclaimed.
"Well, we're gonna leave you alone. Come on, dad!" said Ellen. "Bye, dr. Montgomery."
"See you tomorrow."
"See you."
They walked away.
"Now they're gonna be there looking at us like we're aliens because we are a couple of surgeons," Addison said eating another croissant.
"I loved you introduced me as your husband."
"Oh! Do you?"
"I do. Now tell me why you don't wanna go with me to my mom's house."
"Oh, Derek! You know your mother hates me. It's gonna be weird if I go there."
"Come on, she's never treated you bad. She likes you."
"She pretends she likes me."
"I love you, that's what matters."
She was silent.
Ella was sitting next to her grandmother eating cupcakes while Katie was playing cards with two blond girls and a brown curly hair boy. They were Lizzie's kids and she was checking on something on her laptop.
"Granny, I will play in the square?" asked the girl.
"You will. When there are more kids there, we'll go there, okay?"
"But I want go now."
"Not now. We just had lunch and you're eating your dessert."
The bell rang and they were surprised.
"Are you waiting for your husband?" Carolyn asked looking at her daughter.
"No."
Carolyn stood up and walked to the door. When she opened it, she changed her face when saw Derek and Addison together.
"Where's them?" he asked getting into his mother's house smiling.
Addison didn't know what to do.
"MOMMY!" Ella shouted when she saw her mother.
She left her cupcake aside and ran to her mother while Derek kissed his mother's cheek.
"I was missing you," Ella said hugging her.
"I was missing you too, baby. How are you?"
"Cool."
"Cool?"
Ella kissed her mother's cheek.
"Addie!" Lizzie exclaimed.
She walked to her sister-in-law and hugged her.
"God, you're still radiant!"
Addison just giggled.
"Are you together again?"
Addison was embarrassed and smiled against her wish. At that moment everybody was silent waiting for the answer. Carolyn, mostly. Derek approached his ex-wife and kissed her temple.
"We are."
"I say he is her real boyfriend!" Ella exclaimed looking at Katie.
"Will you get married again?" Katie asked confused.
"They are married!" said Georgia, one of Nancy's daughters. "Every parent is married."
"Not mine, right mommy?" Katie asked.
"We're gonna talk about it later. Sit down, Addie," Derek said.
They sat on the couch, Ella on her mother's lap. Carolyn was still looking at Addison, who was trying not to look back.
"Granny made cupcake," Ella said.
"Huhhh... Granny's cupcakes are the best, right?" Derek asked.
"Yes! I will take a lot to my house to eat every day!"
"You want?" Carolyn asked them.
"Do you?" Derek asked Addison.
"She has heard the question, Derek, you don't need to ask her."
Addison pursed her lips.
"No. I'm fine."
"You want?" Carolyn asked Derek again.
"I want, yeah. But I'll pick it."
He stood up and went to the kitchen. Addison was uncomfortable.
"How can we work at the same place and haven't met yet, right?!" Lizzie asked to break the tension.
"Yeah… But I'm having a hard routine, you know. I don't have time for almost anything."
Ella lay her face on her mother's chest.
"Are you sleepy?" Addison asked stroking her daughter's back.
"She's so attached to you, isn't she Addie? Katie wasn't like this," Lizzie commented.
"No. Katie wasn't, she liked to walk away exploring things. Amelia was so mad when she picked up her CDs."
Lizzie giggled.
"I do remember. But this one, it's incredible, but since I got here she must be saying the word 'mommy' 600 times."
Addison smiled.
"Yeah... We're that close, right baby?"
"I am a piece of you."
"Yes! You are a piece of me," Addison said trying to mimic her voice. "So, what have you done at granny's?"
"We watch a movie until the hour we can't at home."
"And we got up later," Katie completed.
"And granny teach us make our bed."
"Why? Did you guys mess everything up?"
"So so..." Ella answered. "Granny, you know in granny Beezus house the bed make alone with magic?"
"It's not magic, silly. She has some employees and they make the beds when we're not in the bedroom," Katie said.
"Really, mommy?!" Ella asked seeming surprised.
Addison knew Carolyn was judging her privileged at that exact moment.
"Yeah. Yes."
"Why granny Beezus not make her bed?"
"B-Because… Because she'd prefer to make anything else, darling."
"It's because she pays that people to do it for her like mommy has paid Theresa to take care of us."
"I miss Thelesa."
"I miss Theresa too."
"Who is missing Theresa here?" Derek asked coming back to the living room with a chocolate cupcake in his hand.
"Me and Ella."
"But I've known you've been facetiming Theresa almost every day. Who's winning?" he asked glancing at Katie's cards.
The girl nodded.
"This is my girl!"
"And I?" Ella asked.
"You're my girl too."
They laughed.
"Addie, who's gonna attend the Harper Avery Award with you?" Lizzie asked. "I don't want to be annoying, but I'd love to be invited."
"My god! How you're annoying!" Derek complained. "Of course one of those invitations is mine."
"I don't know... I'm not thinking about it. I should call dr. Carlsmith, but she'll be there anyway."
"She's gonna be the speaker. Have you thought if you win it, you're gonna get the award by your mentor's hands?"
"I don't wanna think about it. I think I won't call anybody to come with me."
"What?!" Derek asked surprised.
"I'm sorry, honey," she said kissing his face.
"See, Katie! She kiss him!" Ella exclaimed.
Addison felt her cheek blushing.
"Stop it, Isabella! You're driving me embarrassed. As I'm saying, it's gonna be a tension's day, I've preferred to have no one around."
"Addie, it's gonna be a special day for you. I'd like to be there."
"What if I waste?!"
"What's the matter if you waste?!" Derek asked.
"You know how many doctors would kill to be nominated?!" Lizzie asked.
"Oh, no. I do prefer to be there alone. I think I'll feel less… You know… Pressed."
"I want go too."
"Children can go out at night, did you forget?"
"And who will take care of me and Katie?"
"Daddy."
"Or you can come to granny's," Carolyn said.
"I won again!" Katie celebrated. "Do you wanna play, dad? We can be a team."
"No, princess. Thanks."
"Daddy, why I is not a plincess?"
"Because you're my baby flower…" he said before kissing his daughter's cheek. "So pretty, so delicate, so jealous…"
"Come here, Ella... Let's make a team with granny to play with them."
"Oh no! I want stay here with my mommy," the girl said hugging her mother again.
Addison noticed Carolyn was uncomfortable. Never, none of her grandchild, not even Katie, had preferred another person than her.
"It's okay, baby. Go there play with your grandma," Addison said.
"But I want stay here with you."
"But mommy will be right here. Go there."
"But I want you."
"Baby, I won't leave here."
The girl kissed her mother's face and went to her cousins and grandmother. Derek could finally get closer to Addison and put an arm around her shoulder.
"I'm so happy you guys are back together. It's not like you don't deserve something better than him, but…"
"Shut up," Derek said.
"Your mother must be hating it," Addison commented.
"Ignore her," Lizzie said.
"That's what I said."
"But tell me about Seattle. Nancy told me you're living in a trailer in the wood, and that the sluty intern was about a child."
"Stop talking like this," Derek scolded.
"What had happened to you, Derek?!"
"I don't know. She was... She was adorable."
"Anti-Addison," Addison said jealously.
They laughed. Derek kissed her cheek.
"Yeah... Anti-Addison. And the trailer... It wasn't that bad, and the land wasn't the wood."
"It was a swamp," Addison corrected.
"Addie…"
"It must be hard for you, right? Taking Addison Montgomery from Manhattan to live in the woods. You shouldn't doubt her love for you," Lizzie said.
"You know, when I opened my closet here there were shoes I didn't even remember I had."
They laughed.
"I was missing you," said Lizzie. "I swear I'd never let this asshole bring another woman to this family."
Addison laughed. Derek loved to listen to her laugh.
"Who named you to family cop?" he said making her sister throw a pillow on him.
After some minutes, Ella asked her grandmother to take her to the square in front of her house, where some kids were playing. Carolyn agreed, but Addison seemed don't like the idea. She wanted to go home, but Derek was excited and stood up to leave with his mother.
"Come on, Addie."
"N-No... I... I'll clean up the mess they must have left up there"
"Don't worry about it," said Carolyn.
"I will do it fast."
"You're not used to it."
Addison pursed her lips and let Derek peck them.
"I'll meet you in a minute, okay?"
So she went upstairs while they were leaving. Children ran to the toys, Lizzie pushed Isabella in the swing and Derek sat on a bench with his mother.
"I don't like when you do it," he said.
"I haven't done anything."
"Mom, I'm with her, and I'm gonna stay with her."
"Honestly, sometimes you surprise me, Derek. I can understand what you think. What are you thinking to come back to her? What happened to Meredith?"
"Meredith wasn't the person, she…"
"I do remember you used to say you loved her and I believed you. I even gave you my ring to give to her."
"I didn't give it to her."
"No?" she asked surprised. "Don't say you…"
"I didn't give it to Addie either. I gave it to Katie."
"Oh, Derek! How do you give a jewel to a child? It wasn't the proposal."
"She's the girl. Always be, and about it I'm sure."
"But it wasn't the proposal."
"So you prefer that I ask Katie and give it to Addison?"
"Give it to me back."
Derek raised his eyebrows.
"But dad wanted I give it to the woman I think is the right, not the one you judge is the right. You shouldn't believe it, but Addie was the best thing that happened in my life. She was with me every single moment, supporting me, even when we weren't together, after everything I did to her…"
"Or what she did to you."
"I was indifferent, didn't give her enough attention. I have my part of the blame of…"
"You were working to pay for a kind of life she…"
"Mom! It wasn't about money. Addison never needed anyone's money. I've worked like this 'cause I wanted to become a world-class neurosurgeon."
"Exactly! You were working on your career!"
"And breaking my marriage vows! I wasn't there for her, for Katie, they were lonely, and she made a mistake."
"Adultery, Derek!" Carolyn corrected. "She seduced your best friend."
Derek rolled his eyes.
"No one needs to seduce Mark Sloan."
Carolyn sighed.
"Will you forgive her then?"
"There's nothing to forgive. I guess she has to forgive me."
"Derek..." Carolyn said touching his face.
"Mom, you know daddy wouldn't be proud of the man I was to her, even if you don't like her, you have to admit it."
She approached and kissed his cheek.
"Dad would love her."
"Your father loved everybody, Derek!"
"And you too. So, just, pretend you like her."
They laughed.
"Will you come back to New York to live with her?"
"God, I hate how you say her. Mom, she likes you so much."
"Oh, Derek! Just answer my question."
"No. We hadn't talked about it, but I think we're gonna come back to Seattle. Addie has her apartment there, where Amy's living, but I'm intending to build a house for us on my land with a bigger space, and bedrooms for the girls, and who knows a nursery for our baby."
Carolyn bugged her eyes.
"B-Baby? She's pregnant?"
"No. But I need to have a boy. I don't want to spend my life rounded by women."
"Do you remember the promise you've made me when she was pregnant with Katie?"
He kept looking at his mother.
"You've promised me your daughter won't be snobby."
"They are not."
"Ella is not, but Katherine… Of course, she doesn't mean it, but she's getting it from the convivence with your mother-in-law."
"Mom, she's her grandmother. I can't forbid her to live with her."
"I'm just talking about what I'm seeing. She was telling me with her eyes shining about the luxuries of her other grandmother's house."
"Bizzy's like this…"
"This woman will transform your daughter into a snobby and your wife won't do anything about it, of course, but you...?!"
"I can't forbid Katie to talk to Bizzy, she's her grandmother, and… This's the way Bizzy has to love people."
"Buying them."
"Look, Katie's smart, and… For God's sake, she's not snobby or arrogant."
"Yes, she is."
"She is a child!" Derek said. "Tell me what child wouldn't be happy with everything Bizzy should give to them? She knows the difference between this world, Bizzy's world, and our world. She knows and respects the limits of it, this I can assure you. But you can't wait they're gonna be the kind of girls you're thinking, because they won't."
"I'm sure they won't. She didn't want to make her own bed."
Derek giggled. He looked around quickly and saw his older daughter playing volleyball with her cousins.
"Mom, it's okay."
"Of course it's not. Have you imagined if something happen, how could them…?"
"Mom, I'm a neurosurgeon, Addison is a multi-certified surgeon, they'll be comfortable no matter what happens."
Carolyn shook her head.
"You're not part of this life anymore."
Derek just giggled kissing his mother's forehead.
"Mom, I do, look, Addie and I agreed if something happens to us, you're gonna be responsible for there."
"I bet that women would do anything to change it, and that way your daughters are raised, they'll probably prefer it."
"Nothing's gonna happen with Addison and me. So you don't worry 'cause your granddaughters' gonna still being your granddaughters, and Ella... She's more attached to Addie. I'll see if Addie's done."
He stood up and walked to his mother's house, went upstairs in silence, and met Addison in his bedroom. He approached her and hugged her behind.
"Derek! Don't do it."
"It was a mess?" he asked making her look at him.
"What do you think?"
He smiled and got closer to kiss her.
"Not here..."
"Why?"
"It's your mother's house. Pick their backpack. I wanna go home."
"They're playing at the square," he said pulling her waist. "Come here."
He pulled her to the bed.
"Derek..." she complained while he kissed her neck.
"Relax, Addie..."
"No... Wait…"
She pulled his body and sat on the bed.
"I've just made it," she complained.
She looked around.
"It's exactly like when we were at college…"
He looked for a notebook, where he had a picture of her in the med school era. She was in her 20s, was wearing a Columbia hoodie and she used to complain because it was blue. She had that dark coppery red hair and used to say it didn't match any blue or pink clothes. She had the same smile as their daughters.
"Wow! I was so thin!"
"Last time I slept here I saw this picture and noticed how much Katherine is looking like you."
"Do you think?!"
"Yes..."
"No. She has your eyes," said Addison.
"Just the color," he said.
"And your hair."
"But I'm talking about physiognomy, Addie…" he said staring at the picture.
"Yeah, I guess Ella looks more like you."
She gave him the picture.
"My mom thinks Katie's snobby," he commented.
Addison was surprised.
"Katie? I knew it!" she exclaimed shaking her head. "I knew that if she lives with Bizzy..."
"Addie, relax. I've talked to her. It's okay. Just a comment."
"I'll talk her when we went home. What has she done?"
"Nothing. Forget it. I shouldn't comment."
"Of course you should. What has she done?"
"Nothing. Mom just said she had noticed."
"It was that comment about Bizzy's house, right?"
"I don't know, maybe... She said Katie's becoming arrogant…"
"Well, she might get it from you?"
"Are you calling me arrogant?" Derek asked.
"You are arrogant!"
"I am arrogant?!
"Yes."
"I'll show you the arrogant one," he said getting closer.
The most she tried to walk away from him, the most she was closing the bed. Derek kissed her and she moaned when felt his tongue. They sat on the bed and kissed for a while until someone open the door. It was Carolyn. She had clearly disliked it.
"What, mom?" Derek asked.
"Nancy and Mary are downstairs. Have you known she was back in America?"
Derek was a little embarrassed.
"I've heard."
"Come to say hello."
"I'm going."
Carolyn left the bedroom and Derek pecked Addison's lips.
"Let's go."
They went downstairs. Addison was silent and sat next to him during almost the whole conversation. They were all having fun remembering some situation she didn't know because it was about their teenagerhood. Derek seemed to be really in love with that Mary in the past and his sisters and mother seemed to be really surprised they didn't get married. For a moment even Addison was surprised, once Mary looked like the personification of the perfect woman to Carolyn.
"Your daughters are beautiful, Derek. Do you know there's research saying beautiful couples have girls only?!" Addison said mimicking Mary's voice while moisturizing her arms and Derek was laying on the bed.
"Addie..."
"I didn't know she could call you Der either. I thought just close people can call you Der. Why didn't you marry, huh?"
He smiled kneeling and pulling her by her hands.
"I haven't finished, wait..."
He threw her on the bed and kissed her.
"I love when you are jealous."
"I'm not jealous."
"Oh, no?"
"No."
He got closed and kissed her, touching her leg.
"So let's have sex and you can pretend you are her, okay?!"
"Oh! Fuck you, Derek!" she exclaimed beating his arm. "Get out of my bed."
"I'm kidding, Addie!" he said laughing.
They lay down on the bed. Addison covered her body and turned the lamp off. Derek was embarrassed and did the same hugging her behind.
"If you want we can..."
"No. Not now. I'm having a headache."
"But you know neurologists prescribe sex to headaches..." he whispered kissing her neck.
"But gynecologists don't."
Derek kissed her shoulder for the last time and hugged her. Addison turned on the bed and lay on his shoulder. She loved to sleep smelling his perfume. In the middle of the night, when they were sleeping, Isabella climbed their bed and, even if she was surprised to see them sleeping together for the first time, she poked her mother's shoulder to wake her up.
"Mommy... Mommy..."
Derek opened his eyes slowly.
"Ella... Why do you awaken?"
"I want sleep here with you."
Addison moved in Derek's arms.
"What's going on?"
"I wanna sleep with you…"
"Okay. Lay here," Addison said opening space between her and Derek.
"No. No… You're gonna sleep in your bed. Come on…"
"No, I want sleep here," the girl moaned hugging her mother.
"But we can't sleep all of us here," Derek said.
"So go sleep in your bed." she said.
Derek was surprised by his daughter's answer and was embarrassed to see Addison's smiling while the girl was hugging her.
"You have to sleep in your bedroom, Ella," Derek commented.
"You too."
"I'm your father, you know? And you're not a little baby to sleep with your mom anymore."
The girl looked at her father and stuck her tongue out at him.
"I think I can ground you…"
"Stop it you two. Let's sleep, I'm exhausted. Sleep, Derek."
He pecked her lips, then his daughter's back. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again. Addison kept stroking Ella's hair.
"Mommy, I want say something for you," Ella said.
"Wow!" Addison whispered. "What?"
"But you have to pay attention."
"I am. I'm always listening to you with all my heart."
"It is important."
"Okay."
"You is listen?"
"Always."
"I love you."
For a moment Addison didn't know what to say. It wasn't like she hadn't listened to it from her daughter, but it was always special. She smiled, let a tear run through her cheek, and hugged her daughter tightly.
"I love you too, honey. More than everything."
Derek swallowed hard, still with his eyes closed. Those moments made him even more guilty for making his marriage first fail. When he realized they had slept, he hugged them wishing he could protect them forever.