Author's Note: I'm baaack. I've officially changed my major to Writing and Rhetoric, since I last worked on this. So with any luck, my writing will continue to improve. Will I still be using it for fanfiction? Heck yeah. Thanks for tuning in, everyone.

Disclaimer: WolfishMoon doesn't own Hiromu Arakawa's Fullmetal Alchemist nor J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter. She never claims the contrary, and makes no money from the online publication of this free-to-read fanwork.

Chapter 13

A Wand, A Cat, and Defensive Magic

In all of his years of wand matching, this was perhaps one of the oddest experiences Garrick Ollivander ever had. Young Mr. Elric had at first seemed to require a mid-length wand of apple. And then perhaps of acacia. He'd tried all core combinations with both. He'd decided that unicorn hair was probably best, and was entirely certain that apple, ten and one half inches, with unicorn hair would be the ticket.

But the attempted connection was disastrous – windows exploded outward and everything. Ollivander had gotten used to wand theatrics. Broken lamps were par for the course. But the front windows shattering outward onto the pedestrians before his shop? It wasn't unheard of, but it wasn't usual. And as he got older, he'd gotten better with wand pairing.

Generally his own experience got him close enough to avoid any horrendous mismatches.

It was at this point where Ollivander would use legilimency on any eleven year old. If he was careful, he could avoid being too intrusive and get a better read on the child in question. But something gave him pause, here.

Perhaps it was because Dumbledore explicitly asked him to read this child's mind. Or maybe it was the haunting he was beginning to notice in the child's eyes, when exhaustion from magical exertion began to take enough of a toll for the act to drop.

For the sake of the pairing, he told himself. He could lie to Dumbledore, if he decided he didn't want to be in on whatever scheme his old colleague was trying to rope him into.

What he saw in Alphonse's mind did not help him immediately. It knocked him on his butt before it did. Faces and places and white-outed spaces demonstrated themselves. Ollivander was a master at legilimency – young Alphonse did not even notice the intrusion. It was a much deeper than usual intrusion, to boot.

I am God. I am Truth. I am you.

A blonde girl with a wrench. An older blonde woman in military dress with massive muggle firearms. A man in the same uniform marched through the tendril of magic that connected their minds, pulling white gloves over his hands.

There were more. They came through and they fought each other and themselves. When Ollivander broke eye contact, there was one image that lasted. An image of the elder Elric brother, mid argument with a small girl who seemed of East Asian descent, who wore clothes in a fashion Ollivander thought might be Chinese.

The affection for both individuals was clear, but the sad nostalgia attached to the image was almost too much to bear.

He went off to get the next wand, and the instant he was out of young Alphonse's sight Ollivander gripped at the shelf beside him, knuckles white. It was a long time before he felt ready to face him with the next wand.

Finally, the massive ash and phoenix feather wand was the right one. A boy who seemed so very timid at first required the wand of a warrior. As Ollivander watched the bond between wizard and wand form, he was certain that Dumbledore would hear of none of this. Already, the excuses formed themselves. He simply wouldn't tell Albus any of it. None.

When Ed walked out of Ollivander's, Al's wand fully paid, he was greeted to a grinning Alphonse, a smug Tonks, and a loudly meowing kitten that looked a great deal like Mei's damn panda. Except in that it was clearly a kitten.

"So zis is vhy you skulked about instead ov just coming up and vaiting vis me?" Ed said.

Tonks laughed. "That and you were just so focused on pacing that I didn't want to interrupt you!"

Part of Ed wanted to march Al and Tonks right back up to that cat seller and return the thing, but the happiness in Alphonse's eyes gave him pause. Where would the kitten go, when they were done with this whole debacle? Who would care for it?

But Ed would have a teacher's room. And not once since Al's restoration had they slept more than twelve feet from one another. That was more by necessity than by choice, to be true. But the point still stood. Perhaps owning the pet that Alphonse had always wanted would ease the transition.

They would find a new owner for the cat when the time came. Hadn't Al earned the right to be a little selfish?

Ed didn't say any of that reasoning, but he nodded. Ed had not known that Al's grin could get any wider than it had been. He was wrong, apparently.

"Tonks says she's part kneazle!" Al said. "She can tell who's trustworthy und who's not!"

"No vonder it likes you so much," Ed said.

"Nearly bit me," Tonks said. "But I'm an auror, so I think being a little dodgy is part of the job."

Ed laughed and extended his hand for the little scrap of a thing to sniff. The cat was wary, but let Ed give it a scratch behind the ears. It clearly liked the scratch, but its eyes did not leave Ed's and it firmly turned away from him when he withdrew his hand.

"It's your girlfriend in miniature, Al."

Al squeaked. "Mei is not my girlfriend!"

"Still her in miniature," Ed said. "Anyvay. I guess zat I'm a 'little dodgy' myself."

Tonks shot him a wry smile. "Well," she said, changing the subject. "Let's see the wand!"

"It's made ov ash," Alphonse said, letting the kitten claw its way onto his shoulder so that he could take the wand box from Ed. Al was so excited that his hands trembled as he pulled the wand from its box.

Tonks whistled. "That is some wand," she said. "Don't think I've ever seen one that long."

Al shrugged. "Mr. Ollivander said somezing about a generous personality? Core is phoenix feather."

"Wow," Tonks said. "I'm damn impressed."

Alphonse blushed, and Ed could not help but fondly ruffle his hair. "He's alvays been better zan me."

Alphonse muttered some sort of denial to the statement, but Ed ignored it. Alphonse was a better person than him – kinder. And maybe he tended to lag behind a bit when it came to Alchemy, but they first studied when they were young enough that a year was a big difference. On that score, Ed started with a rather large advantage.

Ed couldn't quite understand why a stick had to vary – a stick was a stick was a stick, after all – but he was not surprised that Alphonse would be worthy of a good one. Satisfied by Alphonse's expression, and perhaps a little unnerved by just how natural the wand looked in his hand, Ed turned back to Tonks.

"Vat next?"

"Molly wanted us to go check in on her boys," she said.

"Right," Ed said, shaking his head. How one woman had so many children was beyond him – he could not fathom how one woman could have that many.

In the background he could hear Mustang smirk about gaps in his knowledge of biology but Ed ignored it. Colonel Bastard was condescending enough in person – he didn't need to be generating self-burns in his voice.

"Let's go zen!" Alphonse said, energy apparently returned to him in spades. "Vat kind of shop is it?"

Tonks smiled the first genuine smile Ed had seen on her face all day. "You'll love it," she said, and somehow Ed believed her. "It's not far. You'll be able to see it way before we get there."

She wasn't wrong on that score. The building was a garish bright magenta that Ed could see two blocks down. Unlike anywhere else in the alley, laughter swarmed the place – it put an extra kick in Tonks's step.

"Wow," Alphonse said, clutching the kitten close to his chest. Ed guffawed at the sign on the door.

"Molly is quite sure they'll get themselves killed," she said. "But in the meantime, welcome to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, boys." Tonks swept the door wide open and the color and noise suddenly assaulted Ed from all angles. He rushed through the doorways, out of the horrendous summer heat, and laughed more soundly than he had in a long while.

"You alright, mate?" He could hear the Molly in the voice and knew without looking that this was one of her 'boys.'

"I'm vine," he said.

"Zis is amazing!" Alphonse said. "I vish zere vas somesing like zis in Amestris!"

"Don't you mean Berlin?" Ed said in German, and Al gave him a sheepish smile. Thankfully, no one seemed to note the slip, and Ed allowed himself to actually turn his attention to the boy who asked after him.

For a moment, he thought he was seeing double – finally the bizarre wizarding world had gotten him dizzy enough – but no. Tonks did say twins.

"Well," said one.

"We're Weasley and Weasley," said the other.

"Gred and Forge, nice to meet you."

There was something off about the names, but Ed was to amazed to care. "Edward Elric," he said.

"And I'm Alphonse!"

"Wotcher, Fred, George."

"Tonks!" said one, recognizing her more from the catchphrase than her face. "Didn't know you were back out and about!"

"Buzz of," she said. "Business still has to be taken care of."

Both boys nodded, and turned to Ed and Al. "So I take it you're the ones our mum's been fattening up, as late."

Alphonse flinched, and Ed wondered if the wording was purposeful.

"Don't worry," said one, "You'll work it off again at Hogwarts."

"One summer Harry put on a full stone cause of her!" said the other.

Ed relaxed. They were just referencing Molly's tendency towards generosity, then. Had she perhaps not mentioned their respective states, then? Ed hadn't expected discretion, but he was glad for it.

"Feel free to look around, and don't let the cat eat a pygmy puff. They're mildly toxic to most predator species."

Pygmy puffs? Ed was about to ask, but the twins were gone and also so was Tonks. Order business, was it? Surely Ed had a goddamn right to sit in on whatever meeting they were having! But for the life of him he could not trace their trajectory through the crowd.

"I vonder if zis stuff is allowed in zee school," Alphonse said, holding up a Daydream Charm. "Looks like a lot ov it is designed for getting out ov lessons."

"Who knows," Ed said, switching into Amestrian. "Either way, I bet many kids are sneaking stuff in."

But even Alphonse was gone, when Ed craned his head to look, Al was cooing over small balls of fluff. Oh no. Alphonse already got a cat today. He did not need a bouncing ball of fluff. Just no.

The kitten on Alphonse's shoulder seemed to be looking at them like some sort of snack, and Ed remembered the warning.

He walked over to his brother. "Careful," he said. "I think these are the things that the twins warned about."

"Oh right," Al said, lifting the kitten off his shoulder and cradling it. "There we go. Now she can't pounce."

"Just keep a good grip on her," Ed said. "You don't have any armor to trap her in."

"I know!" Al said, beaming. Ed wasn't sure if Al understood the slight jab and chose to ignore it, or if the elation of finally owning his own cat was blocking his burn-o-meter. "It's so good to actually feel cat fur again!"

Definitely the later then. Alright. "Should we figure out where Tonks went?" Ed said.

"Don't be paranoid, brother."

"Fine then. Keep cooing over the toxic balls of fluff."

"Good luck!" The sing-song tone of Al's voice was almost offensive, but Ed managed to move on with just a sniff.

Ed's eyes darted around the shop; each display called him more than the last and by the time he reached the back of the store he was practically itching to investigate the itch powder. Exactly who's underwear he'd put it in he was not sure, but somebody probably had it coming.

"So who exactly are they?" Unless Ed was very much mistaken, that was the voice of one of the twins. He tore his eyes from the itch powder and crept up to the luxurious maroon curtain that veiled the speaker.

"One of them was Hermione's chemistry teacher. Whatever that means," said Tonks "We thought he was suspicious, so we brought them both to the Burrow and found out that they were harmless and that the younger one was a wizard."

"Mum said that much in her letters," said the other twin.

"We were hoping you'd give us more information."

"Honestly?" said Tonks. "I'm not quite sure what their story is. Just that they're very close and that the older one will be teaching alchemy at Hogwarts for the sake of staying near Alphonse."

There was a long silence, and Ed found himself hard pressed not to creep closer to the curtain – any closer and they would know he was there, for sure.

"Well," said one twin. "Now I'm jealous. The last time alchemy was offered at Hogwarts, we were first years!"

"Ask Hermione for notes? She'll probably take it."

"We might just," said the other twin. "And you really don't know anything else about them?"

Tonks paused, and it seemed to Ed that there were eons in the silence. "They're fidgety," she said. "They remind me of Mad-eye some times and I don't see how such young boys could."

"So they're paranoid."

"And Constant Vigilance is their motto."

"Just about," said Tonks. "Don't think they ever let their guard down, and they spar every single morning."

Again there was a long silence, and again Ed felt the urge to rip down the curtain and see what their body language implied about the silence. Again, he refrained.

"And Dumbledore trusts them?"

"Enough to let them in the school," said Tonks. "Enough to not throw too much of a fit if he knew I left them unattended for short periods. I think."

"Then they're welcome in our shop!" The twins said that in unison and Ed could not help but shudder. These people put way too much trust in Albus Dumbledore and it was blinding them. But in this instance, it worked in Ed's favor so he wasn't about to complain.

"So," said Tonks, clearly about to change the subject. "Tell me more about this new defense line of yours."

"Ah!" Began one of the twins. "You've seen our shield hats, of course, now that they're standard issue."

"But we've got a few more gizmos we haven't handed over just yet."

Now that they weren't talking about him, Ed had a few options. He could retreat back into the depths of the store or he could walk into their conversation now – as though he'd only just found them."

"This is the Darkness Powder, so you can get away under cover." That decided it.

"Hallo?" Ed ventured quietly. "Tonks?"

"Oh!" said Tonks, whipping back the curtain. "How long have you been here?"

That was subtle. Not. "Just valked up, Alphonse vas cooing over zee puff balls, and I got a little bored."

"He's being careful about the cat, right?" said one twin. "They're technically miniature puffskeins, and while we managed to breed the venom out of them…"

"Zee poison not so much," said Ed. "You did say. He's being careful."

Ed did not ask the question that was therefore burning – What was a regular puffskein, and why in the hell was it venomous? He would have asked, but Tonks spoke before he had the chance. "I think you'll like this stuff, Ed."

"It's our new defense line," said one twin.

"We're even selling to the Ministry now, because apparently there isn't any baseline defense training."

"Can't even perform a shield charm."

What kind of government didn't arm its employees? He knew that England didn't run their country through the military, but to not have any defense training as a government employee was ridiculous. "Zey don't even have zee basics?"

"Nope," said the first twin.

"I s'pose our education got a little expanded, because of all this You-No-Poo business, but it was rather a – "

"You-No-Poo?" Ed said. "I sink zat is my favorite name for zis veirdo yet!"

"Right?" said Twin Two. Now, Ed was certain he could tell them apart. It was in the way they carried their shoulders and shuffled their feet. They were some of the most minutely similar twins he had come across, but there it was in their stance, plain as day. "I don't get why people who don't want to say 'is name are so attached to the name they gave him."

If only he could remember their names!

"He's a real threat," said Tonks. Her hair was drooping again and the twins exchanged a meaningful glance.

"But people will always need laughter!" Twin Two said.

"And they will always want to laugh about their troubles."

Tonks gave them a half hearted smile and Ed wanted to know what exactly had made her like this. The twins looked both confused and resigned and Ed knew that it had to be recent, whatever it was. "We should probably be getting back to Alphonse."

"Zat is true. Leave him long enough and he vill collect more cats zan just zee one you gave him."

That Tonks laughed at. "Does he really?"

"Really. I left him to his own devices vor fifteen minutes once and vhen I got back he had five ov zee little suckers curled up on his lap."

"Let's go make sure he hasn't tried to adopt the pygmy puffs then." Tonks pulled pack the magenta curtain and stepped through it.

Ed looked first at her retreating back and once again at the twins. "I vill be teaching alchemy at zee school," he said. "Viz my first pay I think I vill buy some ov your defense line."

The twins shifted into business mode. "What are you thinking you'd like?" One of them asked, turning to the merchandise he'd just displayed for Tonks.

"However much I can afford. I vill work out zee details vhen zee time comes. But I would like to include a physical defense section in my class."

"What?"

"A physical defense section?"

"Zee woman who taught me taught me vell," Ed said. "'To train zee mind one must first train zee body.' Zat philosophy brought me far and I don't see much ov it in you vizards."

The twins paused. "That's all well and good, mate. But what does it got to do with our defense line?"

"I vould like to provide my schtudents vis zee means to protect zemselves, if zey are unable to do so through zeir own power."

"Seriously?" said Twin One.

"That's a lot of product," said Twin Two.

"Maybe we could work out an educator's deal for you."

"Zat vould be appreciated," Ed said, the gestured to Tonks. "Vat is her deal?" Ed recognized the irony in the question. He'd eavesdropped on them because he did not want to be talked about, but her he was.

The Twins shrugged in a creepy unison. "She used to be an avid prankster," said Two.

"Still is, sometimes," said One.

"But she's not been the same since Bellatrix killed Sirius."

"Blames herself, I reckon."

"Mum would know for sure?"

The guess made a lot of sense to Ed. "People die," he said. "And you cannot blame yourself."

"We won't," said Twin One. "I won't." Twin Two simply nodded.

"Tell me your names one last time? I sink I can tell you apart now. But vor zee life of me I can't remember."

"George," said One.

"Fred," said Two.

George and Fred. Maybe Ed could remember that. Their names were astonishingly bland for two so very unsubtle people. "Thanks," he said, before pulling back the curtain and searching for the old woman that Tonks was pretending to be.

Spotting her, Ed nodded briefly at the Twins One and Two and followed her. She was heading towards Alphonse, who had moved on from the poisonous puff balls to the Daydream Charms. Alphonse looked up from the boxes at his and Tonks's approach. "Brother," he said in Amestrian. "Everything in this room is designed to get a student out of class!"

"I'll be keeping an eye out, for damn sure."

"You're gonna be a great teacher, brother," Al said. "Any students worth teaching won't zone out."

Ed scoffed, he was still teaching remedial Chemistry, and if it had taught him anything was that perfectly bright students often sabotaged their own success. "I think you're being a bit optimistic, Al."

"At least Hermione will pay attention?" Al said. Well. That was true. He shrugged. At this he noticed that Tonks intended to stay with them. Whoops. She had entered the 'nod and smile' portion of misunderstanding.

"Sorry," he said, switching to English.

"Don't bother yourself about it," Tonks said. "If I were in your situation, I'd be pretty fed up with the local language."

Ed wasn't sure whether he ought to be offended or obliged. He settled on a mixture of both. He knew that his mastery over English wasn't perfect, but it was good enough to teach Chemistry, with technical terms included. And he did rather damn well at it.

He decided to change the subject. "Vee vere talking about how many ov zees products I vill haff to confiscate zis year," he said. "Al seemed to think zat I am a good enough teacher to keep zee students in thrall."

"He really is," Al said. "Zee people in his remedial class are actually going to pass zis time."

"In any case," Ed said, a wicked grin stretching over his face. "I don't imagine zat people who regularly tune out ov my Alchemy lessons can really expect to pass."

"So you're planning on being a hardass, are you?" asked Tonks.

"Our teacher was a hardass," said Ed. Both he and Al shuddered in unison. "Comparatively? If our education vas camping in zee voods alone vis nozing but a knife and the instruction to survive, my class vill be a valk in zee park."

Tonks clearly thought he was making a metaphor and began to laugh. "True story, actually," Alphonse said. "Teacher had razer unorthodox mesods."

Tonks visibly paled. "She was the best influence vee efer had," Ed said. "So please don't judge her harshly. Und she vould haff called zee whole thing off iv it seemed a fatality vas imminent."

Tonks gulped, but nodded. Alphonse didn't help by adding, "I think," to the end of the statement.

Ed glared at him. Izumi Curtis was in a whole other world – there was no way she could defend herself from slander here. "Her teaching was fery effective," Ed said. "I plan on utilizing some ov her techniques."

Alphonse looked at him in surprise, and Ed shrugged, "You don't need zem for Chemistry, but Alchemy isn't Chemistry. Zey need to understand zee stakes."

Alphonse nodded, and Tonks looked confused. Ed had not yet dared to look into the Alchemy books of this world, but he knew that the understanding of the science was different. It must be difficult, Ed realized, for wizards to understand that their actions have consequences.

"Did you vant to buy anysing here, Al?" Ed asked. "We still haff a bit in zee budget."

Al looked around the room, shook his head. "It's all fery impressive, and maybe zee next time we come, but vor now I sink I am good."

Ed nodded, and the three of them plus cat made their way out of the brightly colored shop and into the open air. "Is there anysing else vee need to do?"

"I think," said Tonks, "It's time to get you two back to the Burrow."

"I do haff papers to grade," Ed said. There were only two more weeks until the end of the summer semester, and while Hermione maintained the top spot with a fervor, the other grades were rising. Ed knew that his course was rather more difficult than most remedial courses, but the delinquents weren't doing near so badly as the principal had warned.

He winced as he thought of Principal Jenkins. He would have to turn in his notice this week. With the school year looming, he knew that Jenkins was planning on letting him stay on. It wouldn't be fair to let her believe that she had a teacher in place.

"Back to the Leakey Cauldron it is," Tonks said. Ed groaned. He was not looking forward to another whirl in that awful fire-transporty-thing. But Tonks paid no heed to his whining, and so the three of them – four of them? – made their way back up the alley, Tonks resuming with her faux-cheerful commentary on the people and the places.

Instead of deriding the old woman with the kneazle kittens, she waved. And judging by the friendliness of the reply, Ed knew that this woman had been the breeder of the kitten that sat vigilantly on Alphonse's shoulder.

Hadn't Tonks described the kittens as dodgy? Ed frowned. He understood that dodgy was also sometimes synonymous with cheap, but if someone was going to buy a child a pet, they generally didn't go for dodgy.

He looked at Tonks sidelong. What exactly was her endgame?

Ed looked back at the kitten that sat on Al's shoulder. She was eyeing her surroundings carefully, and her icy gaze didn't spare Ed, either. He looked back at Tonks. She was still pointing out her favorite shops and people, different than the set she'd pointed out walking in the other direction. Ed decided to hold to his chest. There had to be an ulterior motive to the kitten-gift, he was sure. But at this juncture, Tonks would only deny it. And feign the offense of the innocent.

His hands were tied and he knew it.

Up ahead came the door to the Leakey Cauldron. From this side, it still looked like an arched entrance way. The stone on the Alley side was engraved with the pub's incredibly stupid name. They passed through it, and in no time at all they were dizzily spinning back to the Burrow, engulfed in green fire.

Word Count: 4,338

Not too too much happens in this chapter, but I hope you like it all the same. Up next: Resignation. Please tell me what you thought!