12

The first few hours at Alice's bedside felt like an eternity. Every little noise had Edward, Bella, and Jasper on edge.

Edward worried about Jasper. Losing Alice would crush all of them, but especially him. He didn't like it, but the two of them needed each other much like Bella and he did. Maybe even more. So much of the last couple years had been about him and Bella. His heart and her cancer, their failing bodies, and making sure they had everything they needed. Somewhere along the way Alice and Jasper got forgotten by everyone — Bella and Edward included.

"I need some coffee," Bella said, standing from the chair next to Edward and stretching her arms over her head, groaning. She dropped her arms to her side. "You two want one?"

"No," they mumbled together.

Bella frowned before slipping out of the room. Conversation between the three of them had been non-existent. The nurses had been in and out of the room, checking Alice's vitals, rotating warm blankets, and scowling in their direction. Dr. King had made it clear the three were to be given unlimited access to Alice's room, but the staff made it clear they didn't like it. They "encouraged" them to go eat, to sleep, to make phone calls. Anything that would remove the distraction from their sight. But Edward couldn't bring himself to eat, or sleep, or even try calling his brother again.

Carlisle had more than enough chances to prove that he cared, and every time, he failed. Edward was done trying to keep them together. It was exhausting. Right now, his focus was split between Bella, Jasper, and Alice. Alice's heartrate was slower, not quite ninety. Her blood pressure was normal at one hundred three over seventy, but her bodily temperature was still in the lower nineties and she hadn't twitched as much as a finger. Edward feared they had been too late to save his younger sister.

"I wanted to marry her," Jasper murmured, drawing Edward's attention to him. "I thought about asking her dozens of times since you and Bella got hitched."

"Why didn't you?" Edward asked. "She would have said yes."

Jasper shifted his eyes from Alice to him. "But she wouldn't have been ready. She went from needing you to needing me."

"And that's wrong?"

"No," he admitted. "But Alice never saw how strong she could be. Never saw . . . never saw how beautiful she is. The look in her eyes when she paints. The way she smiles when she thinks nobody is watching. She would have said yes and we would have stood before God and pledged our lives to one another, but she wouldn't have been ready for marriage."

"You really love her, don't you?" Edward asked.

"Was there any doubt? After two years, after being with her through your surgery, Bella's cancer, Charlie, y'all moving on, Carlisle forgetting about us, do you really doubt that I love her?"

"No," Edward said, quietly. "I guess I just never thought about it, to be honest. Pix . . . I didn't think about what leaving Forks would do to her. I'm selfish like that.

"It's not selfish to want to live your life, Edward. Alice—she just gets scared, I guess."

"Of what?"

"Of being forgotten," Jasper murmured. "Of being stuck in the backseat of that car, of never being wanted. She thinks she wasn't wanted, that your mom and dad were stuck with her."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"Maybe," He said, shifting his attention to Edward. "But it is how she feels. What do we do now? If she wakes up, if . . . if she's not . . ."

But before Edward could respond, the door to Alice's room slid open. When he looked back, he felt his shoulders tense. Standing a couple feet behind Bella, who looked like she was going to be sick, were Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose. Edward slowly found his footing and stood. There was so much he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure where to start. He looked back at Jasper, who was glaring at the four people in the hallway, and made a decision. The last thing he or Alice needed was the stress involved with dealing with them.

"We'll be right back," Edward muttered, ushering Bella back into the hallway before pulling the sliding glass door closed behind him.

He turned and faced his 'family,' a term he now used lightly. His family never would have neglected one of their own like they had.

"What are you doing here?"

"What? What do you think we're doing here?" Carlisle asked, waving a hand toward Alice's room. "Is she okay?"

"Is she okay?" Edward laughed bitterly. "No, no, she's not okay. She's fucked up, Car. Like I told you she was a week ago, like you would have known had you spent two seconds caring about anyone other than yourself!"

"That's not fair," Carlisle argued.

"Fair?" Bella challenged, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "Since when has life been fair to any of us?"

"Butterbean —" Esme started, but Bella put her hand up, stopping her in mid-sentence.

"Don't bother. Nothing you say is going to excuse the fact that you turned your back on her and Jasper."

"Look, we're sorry," she said. "We didn't ignore them on purpose."

"Yeah," Rose agreed. "I guess we just assumed that if they needed us, they would come to us."

"Because they've always been so open and honest about their feelings, right?" Bella shook her head. "We told you a week ago that Alice was fucked up. Edward told you this morning, Carlisle, that Alice had taken off for Chicago, that we were scared she would hurt herself. So why is it that now, ten hours later, you've just gotten here? Do you just not get that she's struggling right now?"

"Of course I do," he mumbled. "I just . . . I didn't know what to do. Nobody gives you a manual and tells you what page the answers are on."

"Nobody was asking you for the answers," Bella quipped. "Just some compassion."

Bella placed her hand on Edward's shoulder before turning, sliding the door to Alice's room open, stepping inside, and closing it once more. Edward sighed and shifted his attention back to his brother, to Esme, Emmett, and Rose.

"Not that you care," he said, "but the doctor isn't sure she'll ever wake up."

"I do care," Carlisle said, grabbing Esme's hand. "We care."

"Sure you do," he scoffed. "You can wait in the waiting room. We'll let you know if anything changes."

"I want to see her," Carlisle exclaimed, taking a step toward him.

"Then you should have taken an hour anytime over the last two months and gone to Port Angeles to see her," Edward snarled. "Two fucking months, Car, and you never once called. Not ever. You can wait in the waiting room, or go back to Forks. Right now, I don't really give a fuck which one you chose."

And with nothing else to say, Edward turned on his heel and left them standing there, looking deflated. Logically he knew he should care, but right now, with his baby sister laying helplessly in the bed with tubes and wires all over her, Edward didn't care about logic. Carlisle had put himself first too many times.

—WH—

Several more hours had passed and Alice still lay unconscious. Bella had ventured out for coffee three more times, but Edward suspected she was mostly trying to keep Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose up to date on Alice's condition. Not that it changed.

Her temperature finally normalized and her heartrate and blood pressure were stable, but she still didn't wake. She still lay there, peacefully asleep. Edward found himself feeling more and more angry as he watched her chest lift and fall with each breath she took. How could she be so stupid? And selfish? Did she really think he'd be better off without her in his life? She was his Pix, his sister. When he was little and too sick to play, she'd watch movies with him, read or paint, she'd talk his ear off about all the gossip going on at school. Edward had no idea who Bethany and Tiffanie were, but they were real bitches.

"Think I'm going to go stretch my legs for a few," Jasper said, ending the silence that had settled around the three of them. He stood up, his hand automatically reaching for Alice's. His hand looked so big compared to hers. "I won't be long."

"I'll go with you," Bella said, sliding her feet off the edge of her chair and standing. She looked down at Edward. "Want anything?"

He shook his head, his eyes burning from exhaustion and his chest aching from tension. Bella nodded and followed Jasper out of the room without a word. Edward stood and pulled his chair closer to Alice's bed. Reaching out, he covered her hand. Her skin was warm and soft. Scars bit into it, though, and led up her arm, beneath the hospital gown she had been changed into.

The door to her room opened and he looked back, unsurprised to see Carlisle step inside. He should have expected him to sneak in the minute Bella and Jasper left. He would want as few people there at possible. Easier to not feel guilty when there is only one person to answer to.

"How is she?" he asked, moving to the opposite side of the bed. He began to reach for her, but seemed to second guess himself as he pulled his hand back. "I never meant for this to happen."

"You never do," Edward said. "It was hard on you when Mom and Dad died, when . . . when you had to choose between me and Mom, but it was hard on us, too."

"I know that."

"Do you?" Edward challenged, shifting his eyes to his brother. "Pix was in the car with them. She was trapped, burned. She's spent her entire life feeling like the extra baggage in the family because you're a fucking genius and I'm the boy with the broken heart."

Edward paused and shook his head. "She begged Mom to go to her art show that night. Begged her. Said she'd painted something special just for her. Mom didn't want to leave me. Never wanted to leave me. Said Dad would go and tell her about it later, but Pix refused to take no for an answer. Dr. Cameron said he'd watch over me for a few hours, that Pix needed some time with them, too."

"I know," Carlisle said, quietly. "Dr. Cameron told me."

"Did he tell you how Mom cried and made me promise to hold on until she got back? Said I was her strong little boy. But I wasn't. I wasn't strong enough and they paid the price for it. Including Pix."

"I should have been there," Carlisle said, quietly. "Mom asked me to come stay with you, said Pix had a show, but she wanted me to come stay with you that night. I told her I couldn't because I had to work a double, but that's not true. It was the first night off I'd had in three weeks and, damn it, I didn't want to be cooped up in the hospital all night."

"Neither did I," Edward scoffed.

"I didn't mean it like that," Carlisle muttered. "It wasn't about you."

"Sure it was, everything always was. Can't make any plans in case a heart comes available, or I was too weak to enjoy a day in the park. I might get sick and then I'd die. It was always about how I would die. But I didn't die. Mom and Dad did and Pix was burned and you forgot about her."

"No, I didn't," he said. "I just . . . I just didn't think she needed me. Guess I took advantage of the thought that if she needed me, she'd call."

"And when I told you she needed you?" Edward asked. "A week, Car. A fucking week and you still didn't reach out to her."

"I did, though. I went by her apartment, but she didn't answer the door."

"Why didn't you call? Or text her? Or call and text Jasper?"

"I don't know," he snarled. "I don't know, Edward. I don't fucking know!"

"That's not good enough!" Edward snapped, scrambling to his feet. "She fucking needed you and you weren't there. And then when I told you that she was here in Chicago, you didn't come. You never come when she needs you!"

"I was trying to find the money for a flight out," he said, gritting his teeth together. "She'd taken my credit card and I only had a couple hundred bucks in the bank. Esme doesn't get paid until next week, Emmett and Rose are tapped out, too. I ended up having to take out a title loan on my car to get enough cash for the tickets, Edward. You think I could just hop on a plane? I can't!"

"I did," Edward said. "I was here within hours of her leaving. I was here, Car."

"Well aren't you just the shit," he groused. "I'll never be the brother you want me to be, Edward. Not to you and not to Pix."

"Stop."

The soft, yet crackling voice pulled their attention from each other down to the bed where Alice lay wide awake.