16

Edward's head throbbed, like someone had stabbed him a hundred times in the temple before running him over by a bus. He groaned and rolled onto his side, but yelled when he hit the floor with a thud. Pushing himself up onto his knees, he looked around the living room and tried to remember why he was sleeping on the couch, why his mouth tasted like ass, and why he was completely naked.

Before he could answer any of these disturbing concerns, the door to the bedroom opened and Bella carefully stepped out, her eyes locking on his. Eyes that were red and puffy, like when she spent nights crying for her parents, over the pain that came with cancer, and the loss of being normal.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Edward asked, scrambling to his feet, but stopped when Bella flinched away from him. "Baby?"

However, Bella looked away, tugged her backpack up her shoulder, and pulled the door to their bedroom closed before ignoring him and walking to the front door, opening it, and leaving. Never once having said a word to him.

Edward gathered his clothes from around the living room before walking to their bedroom and pushing the door open. He wasn't sure what he had expected. The bed was made as usual, the hamper full of laundry they hadn't gotten around to doing. Edward added his clothes to the pile, and walked into the bathroom, where he stopped short as his chest tightened. Written across the bathroom mirror in cliché red lipstick were the words: I'm sorry for ruining everything. You won't have to worry about me anymore.

"What the fuck?" Edward muttered as he braced himself against the vanity.

Through the mirror, he looked into the shower stall, gasping when he saw her body soap missing. Bella only used Japanese Cherry Blossom body wash, said her mother always bought her and Esme a bottle for Christmas. Edward rushed into their bedroom and yanked open the door to the closet, finding only his clothes hanging there. When he checked the dresser, he found the same: only his clothes.

"Fuck," he swore as he grabbed a pair of underwear, sweats, a T-shirt, socks, and pulled them on a quickly as he could. Once he had his shoes on, he grabbed his coat, keys, and cell phone from the living room floor and rushed after Bella. What had he done the night before?

Edward waited outside of Bella's two morning classes, but she never came out. He went to the bookstore, thinking she might have picked up a shift, but Maggie said she hadn't been by in two days. He searched the library, the science building, the fine arts building, the activity center from top to bottom, but no Bella. He called her dozens of times, but got nothing but her voice mail, texted her, but none of his texts were being seen.

Feeling frustrated, he climbed into the car and leaned his head back against the headrest. Just as his eyes started to close, he saw the newsletter tucked between the middle console and the passenger seat. The long-term ward at the hospital in Forks sent them to all the family of those they cared for, just keeping them updated on ins and outs of the ward. Bella hated getting them, yet she always read them multiple times.

"God, please let her be okay," he whispered as he started the car and headed to Forks.

—WH—

When Edward pulled the car into the vacant space just outside the hospital a few hours later, he had driven himself mad trying to remember what had happened the night before that would send Bella running for the hills, but he couldn't remember anything past going with James and Tyler to a bar, where they ordered him a beer. That was it.

"Stop being a little bitch," Edward cursed himself before he climbed out the car and headed inside.

He bypassed the front desk easily enough, but when he found himself waiting for the elevator, he spotted Carlisle heading in his direction. Not in the mood for a confrontation with his brother, Edward hurried to the stairs and took them two at a time until he found himself outside the door to the fifth floor. He bent at the waist, trying to catch his breath while one hand clutched at his chest to stop the ache that always came when he overexerted himself.

Edward pried the door to the floor open and stepped out, his eyes searching the floor for any sign of Bella, Kate, Carlisle, anyone. Not seeing them, he started toward Charlie's room, knowing that Bella would most likely stop and visit her father first. Sure enough, when he peeked into his room, Bella was curled up in the chair next to his bed, her fingers wrapped around his. Tears seeped down her face and Edward felt the immense guilt for whatever he had done.

"Hey," he murmured, drawing her attention away from Charlie.

Bella frowned as she scrambled to her feet, her hands coming up in front of her like she thought he was going to rush her.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked, stepping into the room.

Bella didn't reply, but her eyes shifted past him, almost like she was gauging the likelihood that she could get out of the room before he attacked her.

"Look," Edward said, putting his hands up and drawing her eyes back to him, "I don't know what happened last night, but whatever I said, or did, you know I didn't mean it."

Bella's lips trembled as she shook her head, one hand clutching the front of her shirt with her other arm wrapped around her torso. Her eyes flooded with tears once again that spilled down her face.

"Baby, please talk to me," Edward pleaded, but once again she shook her head. "Did . . . Did I hurt you? I mean, physically?"

Bella's eyes closed, but she didn't reply in any way.

"Did I . . . I hit you?"

"What are you doing here? And what do you mean you hit her?" Turning, Edward groaned when he saw Carlisle standing in the doorway. His eyes flittered from him to Bella and back before he rushed by Edward to Bella's side. "Did he hit you?"

Bella's eyes flittered from Edward to Carlisle and back before she sighed. "No, of course not."

Relief flooded Edward. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he had done something like that. His father taught him better, said a man who raised their hand against a woman was a coward.

"I, um," Bella paused as her eyes met Edward's. "I just wanted to see my dad. Missed him a lot."

Carlisle nodded, though Edward could tell he didn't believe her. "He's doing as good as can be expected, you know given the circumstances."

Bella's head barely moved in acknowledgement.

"I guess I'd better get going, but are you coming by the house when you're done here?" Carlisle asked, looking between Edward and Bella.

"No," they said together.

"We've got early classes tomorrow," Edward added. "This was just an impromptu visit."

"Oh, okay. Guess that makes sense. Only a few more weeks left, right? Probably got a lot of studying to do."

"Yep," Bella muttered.

"Well, be careful going back to the city." Carlisle stopped next to Edward, his hand coming to rest on his shoulder. "I miss you."

"Me too," he lied. Well, not really. He did miss Carlisle, just not the Carlisle who would let their sister drive herself to the point of suicide because he couldn't bother picking up a phone.

Once Carlisle left them alone, Edward closed the door to Charlie's room and turned back to Bella, who had moved so that she was standing on the far side of the room. He could feel the fear radiating off his wife, something he didn't like. Bella had never been afraid of him, and he didn't want her to start now.

"Tell me what I did," he begged. "Please? I don't remember anything after going for a walk and running into James and Tyler, who talked me into going to a bar with them and having a beer."

Bella scoffed. "Because with the medication you take, drinking is such a good idea."

"I know. Just figured one wouldn't hurt. I'm guessing I had more than one," he murmured.

"I'd say so seeing as you were sloppy drunk," she quipped.

"Did I hurt you?"

"But not in the way you're thinking. You . . . you were aggressive," she whimpered. "You touched me, you tried to get me to have sex with you. When I refused, you said horrible things."

"What'd I say?" Edward asked, though he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"It doesn't matter," she mumbled, sitting on the side of Charlie's bed. "You can go. I'll be fine on my own."

"But I won't be," he said, rushing around to her, gasping when she scrambled away from him with her hands up. "Bella?"

"Just go," she cried.

"What did I say?" he asked once more.

Bella's eyes closed as she shook her head. "You called me a bitch. Told me to fuck myself, that I think I'm perfect, but . . . but that I'm fucked up like you. You said you may have a broken heart, but that I . . . I . . ."

Edward's eyes widened as he asked, "You what? What else did I say?"

"You said it was my fault that Charlie and Renee are like they are," she barely whispered. "That I caused the accident and they'd be here if it wasn't for me."

"Oh, my God," Edward groaned, dragging his hands over his face and through his hair. "Bella, I didn't mean it."

"Whatever," she scoffed. "It's not like you're wrong. It was my fault. All of it. If I hadn't wanted my chance at stardom, they wouldn't have fallen, they'd be here. Alice wouldn't have tried to kill herself, my best friend wouldn't be hurting. All of this is my fault, Edward!"

"What? No, no, it's not," he insisted, reaching for her, but she pulled away. "Bella, I'm not going to hurt you!"

"You already did," she whispered. "Ever since we got back from Chicago, you've been pushing me away. I thought you just needed time to grieve Alice, to deal with the guilt of not being able to be the one to save her. I get it, because I feel the same guilt and shame. I do, but while I wanted you to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Lie to me and tell me that in five years it wasn't going to matter, that our family would be okay, you wouldn't. I tried, Edward, I did, but . . . Last night, you were mean and ugly."

Edward blinked back the tears that filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm so fucking sorry."

"So you say," she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "I just . . . I don't know, Edward. Maybe —"

"If you two are going to fight, can you take it outside?"

Bella's eyes widened as she looked from Edward to Charlie, who was laying in his bed, his eyes wide open, and a smile on his lips as if he hadn't just spent the last eighteen months in a catatonic state.