Adrien arrived to school Friday morning on time, not as desperate to be early, but not so un-invested as to be late. He didn't bother with the quad again, heading straight for class and trying to have no expectations. He couldn't help but have some sort of hope reserved as he approached the classroom, the fall air chill and biting as he climbed the stairs and crossed the landing that was nearly barren.
Nearly, but not utterly, and Adrien slowed up when he looked ahead and saw Marinette and Alya standing outside the door, talking quietly to themselves.
They were talking tensely, Alya's expression stoic as she nodded to something the witch had said. Marinette's posture was tense in a different way, her hands folded in front of her chest as she spoke quickly. He was a short distance away before they noticed him, both girls turning to face him and showing him clearly that something was on their mind.
By the time he joined them he was already worried.
"What's up?" he asked plainly, looking between the two of them. His eyes landed first on Marinette, but she looked away, pulling her fingers through one of her pigtails and failing to make eye contact. Alya however did not, and met Adrien's gaze without beating around the bush.
"We don't really know yet but Marinette says Ms. B is nervous. She stopped us when we walked in and asked us to wait outside for you and to let her know when you were with us. That's about all we know."
"Ms. B wanted us to wait outside?" Adrien repeated, looking between them again until Marinette finally looked up at him and nodded.
"The whole class is tense," Marinette reported, smoothing at her dress like her hands were anxious and searching for something to do. He put a hand on her shoulder sympathetically, knowing too much of the same negative emotion could be unpleasant for her. "Ms. Bustier is clearly worried and I think everyone can tell that somethings wrong." She grimaced, huffing a little as she continued. "Chloe is starting rumors and people are starting to notice that Nino only made it through half of class. They're asking where he is."
"Obviously we're wondering the same thing," Alya chimed in, folding her arms and keeping an eye on the door. "The difference is though that we're not going to fault him for it and other people probably will. Him joining class is the most interesting thing that's happened in a while, so even him not being here is making him the center of attention. Pretty sure that's the last thing Ms. B wants, and now she wants to talk to us alone."
"You think it's about Nino? Maybe it's something else, something about class."
Adrien said it without any real confidence, and from the looks on their faces they clearly believed it as little as he had meant it.
People had tried to be casual and distant when he was around, but now that he was absent it was a ripe time for rumors to start. It didn't surprise him that Chloe was getting things moving now that he was out a second day in a row, and it just meant that when he did come back, because Adrien knew that he would, it was just going to be that much harder.
Mr. Damocles had sprung Nino's enrollment on everyone and done it matter-of-factly, then like a whirlwind he had shown up the next day, bailed halfway through and never returned. Naturally students were going to start talking.
They stood for a moment and said nothing, wondering what their involvement was, if their assumption was correct.
"Should we tell her that you're here?" Marinette said after a while, shifting her weight from foot to foot as she felt his trepidation.
"I suppose yeah," Adrien murmured. He didn't know what she wanted, but the only way to know was to ask.
Adrien opened the door only enough to pop his head in, the sound of people talking amongst themselves rising to meet him now that the bridge between places was opened. Ms. Bustier was standing by her desk, but looked up to regard the door the second it opened. When she saw it was him she held up a hand, motioning for him to remain outside but acknowledging his presence.
They shut the door and waited, having nothing left to say to each other as they stood aside patiently, the hall and quad now completely empty except for themselves.
Adrien jumped when the door opened, Alya still managing to chuckle despite the circumstance and he shot her a grimace. Marinette giggled a little as well, but they turned to attention as Ms. Bustier stepped into the hallway, her hooves clattering as she cleared the doorway and closed the door behind her.
"Good morning everyone," she greeted them as a whole, the teacher fussing with her hair before clearing her throat.
Marinette fidgeted uncomfortably.
They murmured their good mornings but offered nothing else, waiting patiently for her to continue. After a short time she seemed to take a deep breath, speaking calmly.
"Thank you for waiting for me, I wanted to speak with you all as a group before class began. I have a… sensitive request."
"Sensitive?" Alya echoed, though her tone wasn't entirely surprised. Everyone was just waiting.
"Yes…" she hesitated, and the kids were stunned to watch her stop, very carefully considering her next words.
Finally she sighed, folding her hands.
"I know the three of you have noticed your new classmate's absences. As you have likely already assumed Nino is struggling to adjust and is having a very difficult time. I fear him attending school so soon after having been brought here was a mistake on my part, I had been too eager to introduce him… as a result he was overwhelmed, and is unable to attend class."
She paused again, carefully gauging their reactions. Alya and Marinette both looked somber, but Adrien was still waiting.
"I know your interactions were brief," she continued after a moment, looking between each other them, "but I also know that they helped him. I saw the way you girls engaged him when he first came in and how receptive he was to it, excited to be making friends. And you Adrien, you stayed with him and knew when not to push or intrude and I know how prepared you are to do as I asked. And I wonder now if this is too much to ask of students but… I've done what I can, and I'm afraid that I can't help him the way that his peers possibly could. That was in part why I was so quick to introduce him. I knew he needed to make connections of some kind… but I was too heavy handed."
Ms. Bustier stood before them, asking them gently.
"You have every right to refuse if the idea makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, but I assure you that Nino is a wonderful and kind boy, and he would never hurt anyone. I tried to give him space, but I'm not sure that's what is best for him now. It is informal, and probably considered inappropriate by most to ask children to step up like this but… all I'm asking is that you visit him."
She looked between the three of them, intently sorting through their glances and body posture to gauge their reactions.
"I think he needs-,"
"I'll go," Adrien answered immediately, shifting his weight on his feet and looking to all the world like he was prepared to go right that second, looking up at his teacher and speaking quickly. "I'll sit with him Ms. B, I just need to know the room. I can go now, if I can be excused I mean, please." He added this as an afterthought, glancing once towards the classroom he had promptly forgotten. School seemed so unimportant right now.
"Not so fast Adrien, wait just a moment." Ms. Bustier reached out to put a hand on his shoulder, enough pressure to make it clear he was to stay still. "I know you're eager to help, but this is very serious. He's panicking and unwell. You can't just go in full speed; you have to be gentle."
Adrien looked up at her with wide eyes, probably intent on defending the fact that he always intended to be careful. The girls behind him began to murmur, and Caline hesitated to explain. But she needed them to be wise.
She braced herself, silently begging that they would understand.
"We… haven't extensively covered lycanthropy in our classes, something I now regret but…" she sighed. "It's too late to fix. I can only ask that you all be as understanding as possible, and recognize how difficult this must be for him."
The girls fell silent, Adrien continuing to look on unflinchingly. Only waiting for the moment he was allowed to leave. Ms. B nodded to herself, attempting to explain delicately.
"You know how shifting between forms typically works, how it is tied to intention and a sense of self. Changing however works differently for everyone… and young Nino has no experience with such things. He has no background knowledge to support him, and is not in a mindset to listen when I try and speak to him. With werewolves the moon represents an unavoidable transformation, but it is not the only time they can change over. And he…" she hesitated, folding her hands across her stomach as she sorted through the words. She looked away from all of them, looking briefly to the floor.
"He is not coping… well, with the changes. As of now, he cannot change back. I'm sure you can imagine, for someone who has never consciously changed before that this would be very… startling."
She wanted to keep her eyes away from their faces, thinking now of her lost, struggling student buried in the back of the school. She didn't want to see fear, or unease, but what could she expect of them. She knew how the world viewed people like him. She knew-…
She looked up when no one spoke. And felt her heart almost pause.
As no one reacted.
By the time she gathered the courage to look at them she saw the three of them standing resolutely, something immeasurably empathetic on their faces. Caline straightened as she looked at them, able to feel as her burden slipped slightly from her fingers, held up unexpectedly by the strength of children.
Adrien still stood taunt as a wire, as ready to go as before, if not suddenly more so. She looked over at the girls, Alya's expression the hardest to judge but Marinette's painfully kind. She expected, somehow, for them to be scared of him…
But even now they just wanted to help.
"Where is he staying?" Adrien asked again, scooting slightly from his position. He glanced again in the direction he remembered Nino fleeing, that hollow ache he had felt before surging again.
"He's…-," she paused, looking between them before settling back on Adrien, seeming a little stunned. "He's in the empty wing, all the way down on the far side. Room 217, I believe."
She quickly put a hand on Adrien again to keep him from rushing off, firm as she reiterated, "You need to be gentle. He isn't going to want to see anyone I imagine but… we can't leave him alone either. I'm not even sure he'll be able to speak to you, but I know he can still listen if you keep him company." She looked to the girls to make sure they understood this advice was meant for them as well, sending them along as well in part to keep Adrien from being over eager. With Marinette's added intuitiveness and Alya's abilities… it seemed wise. "He would demand that you leave if he could, so please try not to push it and don't crowd him. His dog will be on the defensive, so don't push him either."
"Yes mam'," the kids responded immediately, and Caline couldn't help but feel another wave of guilt.
"I shouldn't be sending you at all but… seeing his peers might…-," she stopped, humming slightly as she seemed to reconsider. As soon as Adrien noticed her doubt though she could feel his shoulders tense up, and she was made aware of the fact that at this point, she probably couldn't stop him.
"We won't push it Madame," Alya spoke up, her voice calm and earnest. "Marinette can tell us if it's too much, and we'll leave before too long. It's just a visit, we'll be careful."
"He isn't dangerous," she repeated, almost as a reflex, but she needed to be realistic too… he was cornered.
"I know Ms.," Adrien assured her, stating it so firmly that… after a moment…
She relented.
"Okay… you are excused from class for this, we're reviewing the previous lesson as it is. Don't stay for too long but… you may go."
The moment she lifted her hand Adrien turned on his heel, already knowing the hallway she meant and heading straight there. Ms. Bustier may have said something else but… Adrien wasn't in the mood for waiting anymore.
He didn't run, but he moved quickly down the walkway, aware of the fact that the girls were rushing to keep up with him but more intent on getting away from Ms. B. He didn't want to give her the opportunity to change her mind, even if part of him knew that she was the authority on this in the end he just…
He needed to go. It was just the right thing to do now. He was going to listen, he wasn't going to force his way in but… somebody needed to go. Somebody needed to tell him that he wasn't a coward.
"Adrien wait!" Marinette's voice cut through, jogging to get ahead of him as they made it to the mouth of the abandoned hallway, Adrien turning quickly past her and starting down it anyways.
It was instantly colder in the unpopulated sections of the campus, no body heat or traffic to keep it from feeling completely empty. The lights were on, but it may as well have been dim, the long walls filled with empty bulletin boards and locked classroom doors making it clear that no one came down here very often. Now suddenly however it had three inhabitants the trio forced to match Adrien's urgency and he continued further into the school.
"Listen I know you want to help but we can't run in, we're going to scare him."
"I'm not going to break the door down I'm going to knock," Adrien defended himself, trying not to be annoyed. When he looked at her though Marinette was frowning, shooting a hard look up at him. He only matched her for a second more before he just focused on the hall, part of him sort of wishing he was allowed to do this alone. After a moment of his silence Marinette huffed slightly, turning to Alya instead. "We shouldn't go all the way in, we should stand by the door in case he wants us to leave." Adrien kept walking undeterred, the girls falling to either side of him.
"He's going to want us to leave the second we get there," Alya answered softly, Adrien staring ahead. "We're going to have to stick it out a little but just, warn us if he gets too upset."
As they walked Adrien shot a small glance to the side, checking Marinette's face. He was never sure how far out her perception went but…
He didn't see her posture tighten until they hit the second hallway, moving down it now as they each checked the numbers. By the time they were most the way down, past a dozen or so shuttered, dusty doorways, her lips were pressed into a tight line.
The girls allowed Adrien to lead, all of them prepping themselves in one way or another as they drew near, Adrien taking a deep breath as he ran through what he could possibly say. He didn't come up with much when he saw the faded 217 painted on an old placard outside the furthest door, a thin strip of light shining onto the tile. They all shared a glance as they realized that it was ajar, and despite their determination…
Everyone paused.
Adrien took a moment, leaning forward to listen carefully. He didn't hear anything distinctive, save what suddenly felt like a deafening silence. After a brief moment, he heard a soft click, like a claw on tile. Then nothing again.
They were waiting on him, and Adrien thought back to something he had thought before.
Nino was the bravest person in the world…
So he tried to be a little like him.
The knock on the door felt like the loudest thing for miles, but Adrien didn't wait for a response he knew wouldn't come. For better or for worse he gently pushed the door in, taking three steps forward before he heard the growl.
Adrien froze, his hand locked on the door handle as his heart rate scampered. He instinctively looked towards the sound, an apology or an excuse about to bubble out from him before he looked down, taking in a lot at once.
The room was scattered and weird feeling, desks barricaded against the walls and windows and the air thick with intensity. Adrien barely had time to notice the torn, discarded clothes the Shepherd stood upon before his hands were in the air warding against the animal that took a threatening step forward, a deep growl resonating from its chest.
"It's me its me!" Adrien spoke up immediately. "Carter don't, I'm not gonna come in all the way okay, you just stay there."
Adrien shimmied enough to let the girls slowly poke their head in, Marinette immediately cooing softly to the dog who was dutifully on guard.
"Carter it's okay! It's just us, we're okay. We just came to check in, I promise. Everything's okay."
She spoke softly and crouched low, smiling as sweetly as she could. Adrien had to resist the sigh of relief when Carter tilted his head, the Shepherd shifting in position slightly and looking at the witch, then back to him, then back to the witch.
Adrien stepped to the side again to let her come further in but froze in fear when the dog zeroed back in, a growl starting to build back up before Marinette was cooing again, gently appealing to the animal.
While she had his attention Adrien used the moment to scan the room, his hands still up as he looked through as much as he could in what light the windows provided.
It was… dismal, to say the least, and he fought off another wave of pity he was trying to avoid. The cabinet… the bed… the clothes heaped on the ground. It all painted a horrible picture, something he had been obsessing over ever since he ran away from him. A few trays of food lay largely uneaten not far from the door, trails of pieces dotted across the floor as if chunks of it had been dragged and taken farther in. As far as he could see though, there was no one else there. Marinette was still working on the dog, so he braved another step in, craning his neck to look around the space. It didn't make sense for Carter to be here alone… he was clearly protecting something.
It was only when the dog looked behind him that Adrien thought to look under, the animal checking the darkness for something he couldn't hear before looking back towards them, taking an unsure step backwards.
Right…
Adrien took a shaky breath and looked over at the girls, both of whom were focused on the same space he was. The cramped, low shadow of the bed frame. Alya looked over at him from her place by the door, and after a moment everyone took another slow movement further in.
Adrien spoke as he moved, never going towards the bed but just allowing the others some space, Marinette electing to settle on her knees and focus on Carter who seemed conflicted.
"Hey… hey man um…" he hesitated, cursing internally on being as unsure as ever. He looked to the girls briefly for help, but he knew he had to take the lead. "Listen I know you probably don't want to see anyone right now but, we didn't want to just go to class without coming to see you. I uh, I know you can't really say much right now but, we just wanted to stop by for a second. Let you know about class and stuff. Maybe just sit, for a sec. If that's okay with you."
The silence was thick, Marinette scooting forward a little and trying to keep a smile for Carter who looked like he was getting more agitated. The poor dog whined and padded his paws on the cool ground, checking into the hiding place obsessively, its entire body tense.
"Adrien," Marinette whispered suddenly, and it took him a moment to look away.
When he did he saw Alya now crouched on her knees as well, both of them making a small gesture for him to mimic them. It was awkward, but he slowly got down as well, keeping a careful eye on the dog.
Adrien lowered his hands into his lap, watching as Carter started to pace, getting closer and closer to the bed itself protectively. He saw Marinette fidget a little in discomfort, balling her dress slightly in her hands in the corner of his eye… so he tried again.
Nino didn't hear anything that Adrien was saying, not really, not in any genuine way. Of course he could hear him, everything was so much. So loud. But it didn't mean anything.
'Nino?' Carter said for the dozenth time, whining desperately as he paced out in the open, fighting the urge to crawl underneath the bed with him where he had been waiting before. 'Nino what do I do? Do you want me to make them leave? Do you want me to go with you? What do you…-,' Carter hesitated, only his paws visible to his owner as they skittered and shifted. He ducked his head down low again so they could see each other, asking tensely again, 'What do you want me to do? Nino?'
He didn't answer, though some part of him wanted to. Carter was so distressed… the loyal animal torn between what he had been commanded to do and what he wanted to do. All he wanted to do was help. All they wanted to do was help.
But Nino had no idea how to be helped.
He wanted to say something… as Adrien tried to talk calmly and Marinette spoke softly he wanted to say something.
He thought maybe there was something building up in him, whether it was to scream at them to leave or to offer some kind of apology he wasn't sure… but the second he shifted his weight he was aware again of the too long limbs, of the thick, suffocating fur. And what he might have said died in him, and a grating whine racked his body.
Adrien's rambling nothings faltered, and Nino withered further into himself. He couldn't stop the second whine, or the shake of the third, but he could still feel ashamed of it. Ashamed of all of it.
He shook in anger and in embarrassment in his tiny scrap of shelter, his shame mounting higher and higher as the others turned to whispering to themselves, to each other about him.
'Stay away!' Carter demanded again, Nino able to see his paws scrabble at the tile as he threatened to dart forward, growling again. 'Stay back! Stay away!'
"Alya wait, I don't know if this is a good idea-," Adrien's voice sounded again, but he was cut off by someone else, the third in the party speaking for the first time.
"No this is good for him. He needs this."
'Stay away! STOP!' Carter threatened again, breaking his vindication once again and barking threateningly. Nino could only see very little of what was happening, Carters tense claws spread wide on the tile just in front of his hiding space. Beyond him now Nino could just see dark leggings, crouched on the floor a ways in front of them and slowly getting closer. He shook when he saw her hands bend, her red tinted hair falling softly into view as she ignored Carter's threats, leaning down to look beneath the bed frame.
Nino felt himself make some strangled sound, like a cry or a shout or something else all broken and pieced together. He didn't want her to look at him.
He didn't want to see her flinch.
He recoiled physically when her sharp, hazel eyes came into view, looking right at him from behind her glasses. Her dark gradated curls framed her face, her expression as curious and as passive as it had been when they were introduced. They had spoken so briefly, but she had left a searing impression with the things she said. And just like then she refused to look away, that foreign intensity cutting into him.
"Alya you're upsetting him," Marinette's voice suddenly warned, but Alya didn't turn. Not even Carter, only a few feet away from her and threatening to bite if she even moved an inch didn't faze her. She just kept watching him, a playful smile forming across her face.
"Hey, that's not so bad. It looks natural so that's good." She looked away from his eyes to examine the rest of him, undeterred when he pressed into the wall in some desperate attempt to disappear.
"Alya-," Marinette warned again, sounding tense, but Alya didn't move, fighting a bigger smile now.
"It's not easy to do," she continued, "I used to be bad at it too, but if you wanted, I could teach you."
Carter was still tense, but Nino wouldn't tell him what he needed him to do. He couldn't bite, he shouldn't bark, but he wanted nothing more than to bark and bark. Because something was weird again.
The feeling hit them first, the fur along their backs stiffening and standing on edge. It was subtle, and almost impossible to notice, but something almostlike static preceded a sudden shift ahead of them.
Alya looked Nino in the eyes when she did it, letting it happen quickly and effortlessly and in a single, fluid motion, just to prove a point. She couldn't imagine what kind of grueling awful fight he must have put up before ending up like this. It was important for him to see it done right, she believed.
She was so attuned to the sensation that it was hard to even feel it sometimes. Her mother once compared shifting to putting on a cloak, once you were used to it. You could feel something glide over you and touch your skin, and then suddenly you were running. The transition was so quick there was nothing really separate enough to focus on, only the change in height and perspective the truly noticeable things to her.
As soon as it was done she settled onto the tile, spreading out a little so he could see her, letting her tails fan out behind her. The wolf was hyper-focused on her laying there, breathing heavily and scrabbling slightly forward but she didn't run. The fox just made a show of stretching out her paws, clicking her claws on the tile and swishing her tails out in the air, both of them.
'What is happening, why does this keep happening?' Carter was suddenly audible, and Alya turned her attention away from Nino for the first time at the new voice. The poor Shepherd was losing his grip, whining uncontrollably now as he looked at her.
'It's okay Carter, this is all fine. Your boy is doing just fine.'
Carter jerked when the strange fox answered him, his head titling to the side in confusion. He huffed and puffed briefly for a moment, accusing her directly now that he knew it was an option.
'What are you doing? Go away! Nino doesn't want anybody right now! He said get out!'
'I'm not leaving yet,' Alya answered simply, 'And if he wants me to leave he can tell me himself, right Nino?' The kitsune turned back to him, laying her head down to peer more easily beneath the bed.
'I… you…-,' there was a pause. Both Carter and Alya looked down into the darkness, watching the pair of bright golden eyes as they swept uneasily over the two-tailed fox. 'You…'
It was a fox, at least that's what it looked like. Clearly before it had been a girl, but now it was a lithe red fox, the only truly unnatural thing about it being its strange tails. Both tails were fully formed and independent, though they tended to move harmoniously. She wasn't one solid color of anything, her fur along her chest and the bottom of her muzzle a light cream color, the rest a mix of reds. A charm of some kind dangled on her chest, a necklace with a heavy opalescent stone swaying gently in place, ruffling the fur there. When he looked at it he felt something odd, like a distant, almost unplaceable ringing in his ears.
Without meaning to his ears swiveled atop his head, straining slightly to focus on the note it exuded. He pulled forward slightly, staring at it, but was only broken from it by the fox's sharp muzzle suddenly dropping over it, glaring at him slightly.
'My eyes are up here, thanks,' she snickered, enjoying how the wolf drew back and seemed caught off guard. The second he was no longer looking at it the note vanished… and he blinked at her uncertainty.
'Can you…?' He trailed off, fighting between his urge to hide and this sudden… lifeline.
'Hear you?' She finished for him, and somehow, he could tell she was smiling. 'Yes, and your dog too, now. I'm not as good with it as you are but, when I'm like this its easier. I can't hear him all the time like you can, though I'm probably better than the others.'
'What are you?' Nino demanded bluntly, moving closer to the edge just slightly, a little at a time. Alya and Carter both scooted backwards, allowing him some space. 'How did you do that? So easily?'
'I'm a Kitsune,' she answered. 'I can't say that I'm exactly like you, I'm not but, I am a shapeshifter like you. So is Adrien but, I've never seen him use it. He can't do it all the time like us.'
Kitsune… the word echoed in his head. The textbook entry from class seemed to echo back to him, every instance feeling years apart. He'd been stuck like this for days now… the uncomfortable anxiety of the class suddenly so much better than this.
'I didn't mean to,' he said, his ears pressing flat against his skull, a whine building in his throat. 'I didn't want to, I tried not to it just-,'
'It's okay Nino. It's okay that this happened.' When he shot his head up to glare at her she flexed her paws in a placating gesture that still came across. 'I know it doesn't feel that way I know it's all messed up but it's okay that it happened. You can go back and forth whenever you want. We're not supposed to be one or the other.' She titled her head and the fox peered at him intensely. 'We're supposed to be both.'
'No I'm not!' he suddenly barked at her, flinching at how heavy his teeth felt as they bared sharply without his intention, but he didn't back down. The growl in his chest was so loud to him he could barely articulate the thought. 'I was supposed to be me! I was always me! I am not an animal!'
Carter hurried to back off, and though they seemed so far outside of it he was aware of the fact that both Adrien and Marinette were on their feet. Alya, however, did not move.
'Well what are you then?' she spoke plainly, the creature completely still as it regarded him. 'Human?'
The growl faltered, dying down as the fox refused to shift her gaze from him, looking him over pointedly again.
When he went quiet she seemed to relax, tension she had been trying to conceal slipping away.
When she spoke again her words were softer.
'You aren't. And you're right, you're not an animal either. You're the same thing you were before.'
She didn't wait to respond, instead turning her head to look at Carter. The dog was watching her anxiously, fidgeting in place as she talked to him.
'Carter? Do you know?'
'What?' he asked, on his feet and shaking a little. 'What? I don't understand.'
The fox remained calm, retaining control of the situation.
'Do you know what he is?'
'Nino!' He responded instantly, relief flooding through him and his tail starting to wag for the first time. He knew that one, he knew the answer! 'He's Nino!'
'Yeah,' she answered, her muzzle parting slightly in that foxy smile she had, turning back to look underneath the bed at the wolf who lay there. 'He's Nino. He was before, and he still is now and that's not different.'
'You don't even know me…' Nino muttered wretchedly, his heavy angled head resting on the ground again, getting quiet.
'I don't,' she agreed, resting her head on the ground as well. 'But I'm really looking forward to it.'
Though neither of them truly spoke aloud the words seemed to hang in the air around them, settling into him where he cowered… where he hid. As always it was too big, too much but… he looked at the strange fox.
Who did not cower. Who did not flinch.
'Why aren't you scared of me?' he asked, the same question always ringing in his head, but he didn't expect the fox to huff like she did, going so far as to even roll her eyes.
'I hate to break it to you Nino, but you're not all that scary.' Her tails flicked mischievously as she backed up again. 'You're kind of baby cheeked and polite, and poofy and under a bed. Not exactly the stuff of nightmare.'
She grinned at him and pulled further away, drawing him closer and closer to the edge of the bed as he moved up into the space she allowed. The tip of his muzzle was now visible in the light, his eyes still that intense golden color as he watched her.
'You're making fun of me,' he finally answered, incredulously. When she nodded in confirmation he huffed, a low growl of irritation making her laugh an odd chittering laugh.
He huffed as she jumped to her feet, seeming to enjoy getting a rise out of him. And he wanted to be angry, or annoyed or something else but…
They were just talking. He held onto it like a string in the dark, desperate not to tug too tight and separate it from the surface. It was something… normal, as close to normal as he could possibly get. And as ashamed as he might be he didn't want to be alone with it again.
Even if he was a monster, so was she.
'S-show me how you did it. Please. I can't, I've tried.' He crawled forward again, nervously moving a paw out into the open, trying not to look at it. He didn't want them to see… but it was pointless. It's not like they didn't already know…
'It's not just one trick, you might not be able to do it right away but you don't have to be freaked out about it. You're gonna get it, okay? But you won't be able to get a grip on it unless you're more stable.'
'How am I supposed to do that? Ms. B kept saying that she said just be calm but I can't.' He slid another paw out into the open, and after another moment's hesitation he slowly started to crawl out, staying as small and as folded in on himself as possible. Alya backed off a little but Carter quickly ran to his side, hovering helplessly as the beast shook on its paws.
Nino stood there shamefully, unable to look at them all as he felt them staring. Adrien and Marinette were still standing by the open door, looking on tensely at the silent conversation they could not hear, simply having faith that Alya was saying something they couldn't. The kitsune herself was sitting up straight, watching him.
'How am I supposed to be calm with this?' he asked, his shame eating at him. 'What am I supposed to do?'
'You're just getting started Nino. Right now, you're not okay. You're not a wolf because somethings wrong with you, you shifted because you lost your grip. With shapeshifters its easy to get lost in between. You lost touch with you, not humanity. If you knew what you were and who you were you could be either form you wanted, at the drop of a hat. Or some spot in between, who knows.' She raised a paw, gesturing loosely at his clothes that still lay discarded on the ground. 'What you did, it probably hurt. It's not supposed to be like that, it won't be if you practice it. But… I'm sorry.'
She paused suddenly, the strange stone she wore swaying as she took a quick, shallow breath.
'It's not something you can do instantly, it's not like a spell or a trick. It isn't something you've got to… do,' she struggled to explain, her front paws needing the ground slightly. But she looked him in the eyes regardless when he looked up to meet her. 'It's all built in, we're both fluid, but that means if you start losing focus things can get more difficult to maintain. At least, that's how it is for me. We're not exactly the same, in fact we're mostly different but…' she paused again, huffing in irritation.
She took a deep breath, trying again, her tails swaying behind her.
'You're stuck. You said you've been trying but that's cause you're trying to escape something, and you can't. This,' and she nodded her head towards him, 'isn't something to run away from. So it starts with accepting that this, no matter how much it scares you, is part of it now. You can't be Nino without it anymore and being on two legs doesn't change that. No matter what you look like.'
… there wasn't a response. He didn't have one to give as he cowered in front of them all. He was exposed in this borrowed spot he hid in, flailing for that fleeting piece of string.
'Nino?'
Carter leaned into his side, still shorter even when his boy was folded in on himself so tightly. He pressed all of his heat and all of his worry into his dense, layered fur and leapt up slightly to nudge his muzzle with his own, vying for his attention. 'Please talk to me…'
'… yeah? Buddy?' Nino finally addressed him, feeling a pang of guilt when the Shepherd's ears pricked up.
He stared at him with wide, dark eyes for a while, open and honest in the way only he was capable of.
'I don't mind it when you're like this.'
He let his tail wag slowly, keeping his attention and hoping that it helped. The tall, dark beast stared back at him, and he could feel him breathing deeply.
'I know buddy.'
'We were waiting,' Carter continued, looking briefly towards Alya before looking back to his boy. 'We were waiting for it to be okay. You said that, maybe this wasn't okay, but she says that it is. She said its supposed to happen. So as long as you are still Nino, that's okay then right?'
The dog stared at him intently, desperately trying to understand and hoping he was right. So much of what was said was so confusing to him, but after all the talking was done he kept thinking that he must be right. That he must have been right the whole time.
'I-…,' Nino hesitated, and after a moment he forced himself to move, though he tried hard to avoid it. He copied Carter's gesture, nudging him awkwardly. Carter's tail wagged harder in response.
He couldn't help the sigh, depending on Carter's weight to focus him. 'I don't really feel like myself right now…'
'… can I help?'
Nino looked at him, and for the first time in days, felt something vaguely on the edge of something warm. Something positive.
Something from before.
'You're already helping Carter… just stay with me please. I-… I'm trying to figure this out.'
'She said she can help,' Carter reminded him, his tail wagging steadily now, so relieved to be moving forward. He looked to Alya again excitedly and passed her to the others; the sweet-smelling girl and… the cat. But he allowed it, it was helping. As long as they were helping, then he'd let them stay. They were giving him something he couldn't, and he was giving everything he had.
'Yeah,' Nino eventually answered, though he was less sure. He had to believe in something though… he didn't want to be a coward. He didn't want to hide… he looked back to the fox and stared at her enviously, knowing she wasn't ashamed in the slightest.
She was something else, just like all of them, but they weren't hiding. She wasn't hiding, and she slipped over just like he did, just as fast and as completely. There was no hesitation for her, nothing to be scared of… she knew exactly what she was. She wasn't lost at all…
'You're saying… that it's because I'm scared that it happened? Scared of myself?'
Alya locked eyes with him unflinchingly, but this time, he didn't look away.
'Something like that, yeah. It's part of it. The more scared of yourself you got the less like you you felt. I bet that all kept wearing down, until you lost track of yourself entirely.' She tilted her head slightly. 'Right?'
'Something like that…' he agreed.
'I know it must sound like nothing to you but… it's the truest way I can put it. The shifting itself is easy, your body can do it naturally, like jumping or stretching or breathing. All it would take eventually is the smallest intention and you could slip right into it, because it's just something you do. It's part of you. But if you don't have something concrete to build around, you'll be too at mercy to your state of mind to control yourself. You'd flicker back and forth and part way and back like a light switch. And eventually you'd just fizz out.' She put a paw on the ruined remains of his shirt. 'And get stuck.'
For the first time since she had shifted, she approached him. She made sure to do it slowly, every step measured and gentle as she did it, continuing to talk.
'You are your own landmark. Whether I'm in this form or my other one or anything else the only thing that is always true is that I'm always Alya. Shapeshifters have to be completely sure of who they are, because if we are then our appearance doesn't matter.'
The kitsune stopped when she was only two feet away from him. He numbly found himself trying to recall if he had ever seen a red fox that big, but she still felt tiny to him, smaller still than Carter and craning to look up at him. When she was this close… he couldn't help but notice the little spot of dark red fur above one eye, perfectly mimicking her beauty mark.
His tail moved slightly, having slowly drawn out from underneath him and starting to sway just a little at the observation. As soon as he noticed he tried to stop it but found with a wave of embarrassment that he wasn't sure how. It was funny though, if anything could be right now.
He wondered if he had anything that stayed the same… even now.
'Thanks Mufasa…' he mumbled after a moment, and his tail swished a little more when she really turned her head at that one.
He wasn't really sure what expression he managed but he couldn't help the huff that was almost like a weak spirited chuckle, or some approximation. 'Remember who you are… you know, like the Lion King?'
He barked out an odd weary sound that he knew was as close to a laugh as he could get, enjoying despite everything the baffled expression he knew he would get. He clung to his stupid joke like he had before… days ago in the classroom when he was trying his best. This one might not have landed but, it was for him more than anything, and he held on to the spirit it gave him.
'You'll have to explain that one, I guess,' she relented after a moment, and though she said nothing of it, she enjoyed her own wash of relief. Nino was still just barely shaking, being held up by the weight of his dog but… he was familiar. Back to that great, unimaginable effort. Just doing his best to survive.
Nino felt… frayed, still split apart and scattered but… it was something just this side of hopeless. He had been unraveled but he was gripping some of the strings, dragging them towards him and fumbling them in the dark. He moved a paw and did what he could not to ignore the feeling of the pads against the tile but… but to at least not flinch. To not run away.
He forced himself to look up, looking down the dusty cluttered class room and towards two others… two others who came.
Adrien met his eyes immediately, the boy pulling up straight and watching him with that exact same concern as he had in the lunch room. It was powerful, and empathetic and more than he had earned, more of a testament to him as a person then anything. Caring enough about the new kid enough to come… and to bring help.
He hadn't meant to shut them out, Marinette ringing the edges of her dress in her hands as she suffered through the ordeal. It was just that… he had been far away. And Alya knew somehow how to come and meet him there. But that didn't mean the others hadn't gone so far too…
He couldn't forget that.
'Hey…' he said, though he understood that he couldn't hear him. Alya turned to look back at them as well, moving aside in surprise when Nino suddenly stepped passed her.
Carter hurried to shadow him, still diligently supporting him as Nino took a few shaky steps forward, focusing on meeting them halfway.
He nearly stumbled but Carter held him, coaching him quietly on which foot to move next, helping him adjust to the movement without having to be asked. Nino was embarrassed to have to look down at his feet but… he was passed that now. He didn't have it in him to be ashamed of it, he just did his best to get there.
When he looked up again Adrien was crouching on one knee, Marinette copying him quickly and staring at him intensely. Her eyes were wide and watching… and he noticed, dully, that her eyes were wet.
'I'm sorry,' he whined, looking back at her. Like everything, he didn't fully understand her… but he had seen enough to realize that she must have been there with him. Aware on at least some level what he was feeling. So, he hoped she could tell now that he was sorry for that.
She smiled weakly, and his tail answered with that same, subdued sway.
He looked back to Adrien and saw that he was offering a smile too, but behind his eyes there was a whirlwind he couldn't gauge. "Hey man," the boy offered, Nino's ears flicking at the actual sound of it since so much had essentially been said silently. Adrien laughed a little, the sound breathless. "It's really good to see you. I- uh… I've been saving you a seat."
Carter looked between Nino and the cat a little warily but knew better than to make a fuss of it now. Despite whatever the Shepherd might believe…
He owed him.
'Thank you,' Nino offered back, trying to make some kind of soft sound so Adrien would at least know he had been answered. When the boy smiled he knew that the message had made it across, and he resolved that when he got things pulled back together, that he was going to do something to make it up to him. To all of them, for their kindness towards someone they barely even knew.
When he got it back.
When…
He held on to that too.