19

The second Edward and Phil were out of the room, Bella found herself scrambling off the bed. Overwhelmed, she wrapped her arms around her torso and shifted her attention to where her father laid, watching her with sadness. Had it just been the day before that he sought out the silent comfort of just being in the same room with him?

"I'm losing him," she said.

"No, you're not."

"I am!" she insisted. "I don't know what to do."

"Yes, you do," Charlie said. "Tell me why you love him."

"I . . ." Bella shook her head and settled in the chair next to his bed. "People stared at me after you fell, after I lost my voice. They didn't talk to me, but about me. Poor Bella, she's lost so much. Eventually, they stopped looking at me and I became this silent, invisible person, who just didn't exist. It became easier to just blend in, I guess. I had Em and Esme, Rose and Jasper, I didn't need any of them anyway, right?"

"Sure," he said, tilting his head to the side. "Family is important."

Bella frowned. "But I wasn't honest with them, not truly honest about how I felt. I was angry. No, that's not right: I am angry. I lost everything that night: you and Mom, Will and Cat, my voice. I was a fourteen year old orphan with cancer and nobody could hear my screams, listen to me cry, because I didn't have a voice anymore."

Bella paused and smiled. "And then he was there. Just one day, I walked into Emmett's classroom and he was sitting in the desk behind mine. He looked at me, Daddy, and for the first time in three years, I didn't feel invisible. I knew he was different than the others. There was a sadness that rolled off him. I wanted to hold his hand, tell him everything was okay, but I couldn't. We had every class together and every time he would look at me. It made my heart race and I was scared. So scared."

"Why?" Charlie asked.

"Because why would someone as beautiful as him look at the mute freak who had had cancer," she whimpered. "I found myself looking forward to seeing him every day, even if I couldn't talk to him. Being around him was enough for me. Or so I thought. About a week after they moved here, Edward saw me using sign language with Emmett, something I didn't do at school because of the way people stared. He didn't question me, Dad, but it made me nervous. Would he think I was a freak like everyone else? He had me on edge all day, but he never once treated me like I was anything but normal."

Bella stood and walked to the other side of Charlie's bed. "When I got sick again, when I needed him, he was there to hold me while I cried over having cancer again, while I screamed in silence, begged God not to kill me," she whispered, chancing a look at her father. "I'm mad that God gave me cancer twice. I'm mad that God stole you away from me for five years, that Mom's turned into such a mean person because the mom I grew up with would never call me a whore."

"No, she wouldn't," he agreed. "You're mad at me, too, aren't you?"

"I . . ." Bella paused for a moment before saying, "Yes."

Charlie frowned.

"I know it's not fair, that you didn't ask for any of this to happen. You didn't ask God to wake you up just to give you a tumor. I know how stupid I sound for being mad at you, but I needed you, Daddy, and you weren't there. Edward and I went to college and you weren't there to help us move in, to nag me about grades." She paused again. "You weren't there to walk me down the aisle."

"I wish I had been," he murmured, pushing himself up in the bed. "I wish like hell I had been, Butterbean, but I wasn't. I don't know why God's done this to us. But you know what I do know?"

She shook her head.

"I know that you love that boy, and he loves you. I saw it in your eyes when I first woke up and I see it in there again. I don't know what's going to happen now, but the daughter I raised wasn't a quitter, was she?"

Bella bit the inside of her lip as she shook her head once more and sat in the chair next to her father. The door to his room opened and Phil and Edward walked inside. As their eyes met, she felt her heart race and her cheeks warm. She wasn't ready to give up on him. Somehow, they'd get through this, find their way back to being happy. Either that, or die trying.

—WH—

Bella sighed as she once again checked her phone, noting that it was almost eight o'clock in the evening. She and Edward had spent the entire day at the hospital with Charlie, waiting for the results of the tests Phil and Eleazar Santiago, who had been shocked to learn via a phone call that Charlie had awoken after almost two years, had insisted on running. MRIs, C-Scans, blood tests, and just about every other test in the book. There was no reasonable explanation on why Charlie woke, but he was. But now, Bella and Edward needed to head back to Seattle. They had missed two more days of classes and with finals coming in the next two weeks, they had a lot of work to make up.

"I'll be okay," Charlie said, drawing her attention to him. He smiled from his place in bed. His arms were folded across his chest. While he could move his legs, the muscles had been tight and nobody was ready for him to attempt to stand. Not after a fall sent him into the OR for emergency surgery that he never woke up from until now. "I'm a phone call away, Butterbean."

"I know," she murmured, feeling Edward, Esme, Emmett, Carlisle, Rose, and Phil watching her.

While Emmett and Esme had spent most of the afternoon on the phone with Eleazar about what the next step was, Bella had found herself once again retreating into her own silent world. Only Edward seemed to notice, and while he never said anything, he constantly took hold of her hand, kissing her knuckles. It was his way of telling her that he loved her. But was it enough? After everything that had happened, was love enough to keep them from falling apart? Could she live in the world again without him? Had she ever really lived before she met him?

"I'm not going anywhere, Butterbean," Charlie added. "I promise."

"Heard that before," she whispered, knowing everyone could hear her just fine. Scrambling to her feet, she rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around him, her tears falling when she added, "Never forget how much I need you, Daddy."

And before he could reply, she hurried past her brother and sister, Phil, Carlisle, Rose, and Edward, fleeing before she lost control and begged her father to let her stay. Edward caught up with her as the doors to the elevator opened. They stepped inside, each standing on opposite sides so that their bodies faced each other. There was so much she wanted to say to him, but she found herself unable to voice the words. In her heart, she knew Edward still loved her, still wanted her, maybe even needed her, but when things got hard, he pushed her away and found solace in the bottle of a bottle. The Edward she had fallen in love with, the one who begged their families to let him be the one to hold her when her hair fell out, when her body tried to kill her, would never have chosen booze over her.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked. "We could stop and pick up some dinner to eat on the way back."

Bella bit her lip and shook her head, despite the fact that she hadn't eaten anything since that morning. Edward frowned, but didn't say anything as he followed her out of the elevator and out to their car. As he held the car door open for her, he slid his arm around her, nestling her against him. Tears welled up in Bella's eyes and she found herself wanting to throw herself against him, beg him to let her be enough to heal his broken heart.

"We don't have to go," he added, lifting an eyebrow as the elevator stopped with a jolt and the doors crept open. "Or, you don't have to go back. I'll understand if you want to stay here."

"I do," she confessed, watching as pain filled his eyes. "But I don't at the same time." Stretching her hand to him, she led him out of the elevator, stopping and placing her other hand on his chest once they were in the lobby. "I'm scared to stay, scared to leave, scared to go back to Seattle, scared to let myself hope that my dad isn't going to disappear again. I'm just scared."

"Me too," Edward murmured, covering her hand with his and bringing their joined hands up to his lips. "I'm jealous, Bella. Jealous that for the second time in two years your dad is awake, able to tell you that he loves you, call you 'Butterbean'."

Bella laughed as tears filled her eyes.

"I'm jealous that you get your dad back, because I'd give almost anything just to be able to tell my dad that I loved him one more time."

"Almost anything?" she asked, biting the inside of her lip as she waited for his answer.

"Anything but you," he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers. "You're everything to me, baby. Every fucking thing. Losing you would . . ." Edward shook his head, like just the thought of her being gone hurt him. "Please, don't give up on me."

"Never," she murmured and before he could say anything else, she leaned up and pressed her lips against his.