An: I feel kind of iffy about this one.

Inhibitions

By: anybodihearme

Originally Uploaded: Saturday, February 4, 2017

"Edd?" I asked, holding the door to my apartment open, staring down at the raven haired man dressed only in dark blue jeans, a pale gray dress shirt covered by a black cardigan, and expensive looking dress shoes with a satchel hanging on his left shoulder. "What are you doing here?" It's in the middle of November and well into the evening so taking in account what Edd's wearing, accompanied with the bright red tint on his face, he's freezing; the weatherbeaten cardigan doing little to nothing at keeping him warm.

"What are you doing here?" He slurred back at me, looking up with unfocused eyes.

"I live here," I deadpan. Edd's eyebrows shot up and he looked around for the first time since I opened the door, taking in his surroundings I suppose. For a quick second her purses his lips together and makes a clicking noise in the back of his throat.

"That is true," he says, nodding his head. I am confused.

"Edd," I ask again. "What are you doing here?" Last time I checked, Edd and I lived on two different ends of the city and rarely crossed paths until last spring after we both attended our high school reunion and discovered that we've both been living in the same city for the past four years. "Are you ok-"

"I have to pee," Edd announced as he pushed past me and into my apartment. Before I could even get two words out, Edd had already crossed the foyer and on his way to the bathroom, dropping his satchel in his wake. I heard the quick click of the bathroom door which made me stand in the doorway and stare after the raven-haired man for what felt like five minutes, dumbstruck and confused. Hearing the toilet flush, I close the front door and walk towards the back of the apartment where the bathroom is, waiting for Edd to come out and explain himself.

"Edd," I call out when it's apparent he has no plans to exit the bathroom anytime soon. "Are you okay?" I ask through the door. Silence. Leaning closer, I place my ear on the door and faintly hear him mumble and whisper to himself as the sound of what sounds like bottles and towels fall to the floor. I raise my hand and knock on the door. "Edd?" Silence. "Edd-" The door to the bathroom flings open and I jump back.

"Hello!" He yells, looking up at me with a bright smile. "Sorry," he says, waving his hand through the air. "I had to relieve." He winks at me and walks out the bathroom and towards the living room. Staring after him, I follow him and watch him stagger from left to right. "I'm sorry to inconvenience you at this hour but I must be going." Edd turns around and looks at me before spinning and stumbling. I reach out and grab him to stop him from tumbling over my coffee table and that's when it hits me.

"Are you drunk?" I asked in disbelief, smelling the alcohol on him.

"Me?" He gasps. "No," he holds his hand to his chest, offended at my accusation. Edd goes to move but stumbles back again. This time, I snake my arm around his waist him and pull him closer to me. "Maybe," he offers.

"What did you do tonight?" I asked in disbelief. Ever since we meet up at the reunion, Edd and I have been spending some time together but I would never have guessed that he was a drinker. In fact, he explicitly told me that he hates alcohol and never truly understood why people would drink the beverage if it left such a burning taste in your mouth; however, it seems as if he doesn't mind the burn at all. I am so lost.

"What did you do tonight?" I roll my eyes and go to move him to the couch but he goes deadweight and makes it harder than it sounds. Edd may be a small guy but damn is he heavy. I slip my hand under his legs and hike him up; however, all it does is make him yell in glee and grab the sofa. Without thinking, he pulls both him and I down on the sofa. "Edd!" I yell once my back hits the cushions. I go to look at him but what he does next catches me off guard, surprising me completely.

Edd hikes his leg up and straddles my waist as he snakes his hands around my neck. I gasp when he leans down and nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck and gasp when he pushes himself into me. Edd's tongue trails up my neck and to my ear before his dilated blue eyes meet my green ones and throws me a devious grin. Edd's hands are quick to fiddle with his own shirt and quickly begins to hassle mine. My thoughts start to go haywire and my breath hitches when I feel his slim cold hand slip under my shirt and prob at my chest.

"Edd…" My voice fails me when his other hands find my belt and begin to tug at my jeans. My eyes roll to the back of my head and my neck falls lax against the sofa. None of this makes sense. I know I'm not gay and Edd finds me attractive but none of this is right. He's not in his right mind. What he's doing now will only be a horrible headache in the morning. I can't let him do this tom himself.

I can't.

"Kevin," Edd speaks so lowly that I almost miss it. "Fuck me."

My mind clicks and I grab his arm.

Edd gasps and looks at me with fire in his eyes and I quickly flip him over. Edd lays with his back against the sofa and me on top of him, holding both of his hands in mine. "Edd," I speak. "Stop this, this is not you." I look down at him and he says nothing; however, I would be a fool to miss the thousand of emotions to fill his eyes.

Hate. Honesty. Sadness. Disbelief. Hurt. Rejection. Happiness. Confusion. Lust.

Water spills over the ends of Edd's eyes and his body trembles beneath me.

I was not expecting this.

"Edd," I let go of his arms and lean back on my knees, hosting him up into a sitting position. "Hey," I wipe at his face. "Don't cry." I have no idea what I am doing. Edd nods his head and pushes my hands away, quickly scrambling to his feet. Edd runs his hands through his black hair and smiles down at me, his tear stained face and puffy eyes making him look like a junior high student.

"Got you!" He pipes up and clasps his hands together. Spinning on his heels, Edd heads into the kitchen and I'm quick on my feet to follow him. In an instant, Edd has his hand in the cookie jar and stuffing two in his mouth.

"Edd," I reach pt and grab his arm but Edd is quick to pin my own weight against me. Edd shoves me back against the counter and bites my lip. I taste the sweet chocolate on his lips and he giggles.

"We should have sex," he says matter-of-factly. "I want you." His eyes turn hard and cold and it makes me shiver. I go to open my mouth but Edd sticks a cookie in between my lips and slips his hand down my jeans, cupping me. I swallow the cookie and grab his hand.

"No," I state. Edd's eyes fill with water again and I almost lose it but he just smiles as the tears stream down his face.

"Okay," he says and lets me go. Edd takes a step back and walks back into the front room. I follow him and grab his satchel before he can pick it up and put it on. "What are you doing?" He sings.

"You're not leaving."

"You're not the boss of me." He points a skinny finger at me.

"Says the guy who can't walk in a straight line." Edd scoffs and obnoxiously walks straight ahead of me before he trips over his own two feet and falls straight to the floor. I scramble across the floor and drop down beside him. "Edd," I put my hand on his head. "Are you okay?" Edd looks up at me and nods his head.

Edd doesn't attempt to move and neither do I.

None of this makes sense.

"Kevin," he finally speaks and I look at him. His eyes are hazed over and I can see the sleep pulling at him. I hum and he smiles. "Remember when we met at the high school reunion?" I nod my head and smiles bigger, showing off that trademark gap of his. "I lied to you." I cock my eyebrow at him in confusion. Out of all the people who could lie in this world, Edd should be last on that list. "You asked me if I was gay and I lied." He closes his eyes and turns his head away from me, humming to himself. "I only said I was gay because I didn't want to get hurt again."

"What are you talking about Edd?" I look down at him, tilting his face back towards me. "You shouldn't lie about who you are."

"I had a crush on you in highschool but it was unrequited." He holds his hand out and cups my face. "When I saw you at the reunion, I couldn't help but have all those emotions come back to me. It was all too much but I couldn't help but feel happy when I found out that we lived in the same city." He chuckles. "It was quite absurd of me to engage myself with you in a platonic friendship and knowing that you could never feel the same." He humps his shoulders. "I could always hope can't I?"

"Edd…" I tail off, not knowing what to say.

"I love you," his voice is a whisper and he closes his eyes. "I always have and probably always will."

I just sit there, crouching next to a man I've grown up with, not knowing what to do or say.