At least the pool table got home in one piece. Some freaking miracle, with Hiei's ass having been put through the Kuwabara mobile's windshield. This grease monkey Takeshita is currently giving the wounded baby a look-over. He's got a round head and short round black hair, in a sky blue jumpsuit that says Takeshita in red kanji. He says "You say you had a pool table tied to the roof? How the hell? Ain't they 250 kilos?" I speak back "90 kilos. Gray oak finish. On the smaller size." "90 kilos?" He whistles and adds "That's still pushing it." "Hey, not like it was the problem here. Now, any damage to the engine?" "So far, looks good. Just the windshield is trashed. You own this car?"
I watch Hiei stare at the row of oil jugs on the far side of the shop, like he's trying to read the labels. Akiyama hit the can, still there. Hasn't made a break for it. Yet. I say "Lease. Due back in December." Takeshita nods and says "Shit…well at least you got some time. I gotta order a replacement." "How long would that take?" "It's a German import, could take some time. Maybe two weeks. Maybe a bit more." Ah fuck man. Two weeks?! Wait…I have an idea. I ask "Can't you stick on some Honda windshield for now? I saw you got a couple spares in the back. Can they fit enough?" Takeshita pops his head out of the hood and says like I'm stupid "No way. None of them will fit on this bad boy here, and I'm not ordering a random piece just for temp. This shit happens again and you end up flying out and smashing your brains on the pavement? I'm not taking the fall for that." I point at the one windshield piece he has on a table near the tires, asking "This one also won't fit? "That's for Akiyama. See, you want your ride fixed up quick? Next time, lease domestic." I say "So you're fixing Akiyama's Honda today, right?" "What's with all the questions? Yeah, right after I give this a final look-over. Also, just so you know in advance…" I cut him off "Anything about money, put it on Akiyama's tab. He owes me for being a dumbass."
The mechanic goes back to treating my wounded baby, and I turn to look at Hiei, who is smelling the black barrel where they dump the used oil in. I whistle at him and walk to the corner on the far right, near a mounted tool rack. I wave him to me and say "Hiei, with me, we gotta talk." He nods and brings that cloud of sewer stink along with him. I turn away from the mechanic and ask "Do you know how to do that memory wipe thing? Or do we gotta involve Botan? After my car gets fixed, of course." Hiei frowns and says "No…why?" What do you think? I say "Why? Maybe it has something to do with you showing your freaky alien eye at the douchebag that chucked you into my car. Maybe that." Hiei really looks upset and shakes his head, speaking "I ask that no such action is performed. Was it right to do the same to Keiko?" Keiko?! Hell he's bringing her up? I say "No, it was different back then, and yeah maybe it was messed, but she's in our inner friend circle. It was wrong to do that to our friends, okay, I give you that. Who is Akiyama to you? He ran you over, messed up my car…" Hiei cuts me off and says "He is a stalwart likeminded man of cunning, as devoted as I am in curbing the encroaching threat of communism."
I fight off an aneurysm and say "He's roping you into scams." "And your point being? Kazuma, Akiyama has been upfront with the nature and purpose of his machinations, mostly." Aside from the whole communism part. Well, I guess he got a point there, if Hiei is cool with it…I mean it's better than him robbing banks or being weird in the park. Wait…he kinda already did the first thing…with my bank. By faking an identity for a loan application…okay maybe they are more alike than I first thought. He adds "And furthermore Kazuma, he has a heightened spiritual awareness. He saw Yusuke's spirit the day of his first demise. Erasing his memories will not seal his latent abilities." True…that is true. I still don't trust the guy.
Hiei looks at me like he's waiting for an answer. He looks right, I turn and see Akiyama getting out of the bathroom. I hear Hiei whisper "I ask you to reconsider." I say "Alright, I'll drop it. Not like he can get you into any real trouble anyway. Fine, forget it. Just…don't fly into my windshield again. Promise?" "Of course…that was one of my more embarrassing moments lately." Not even in the top five, buddy. Not even in the top five.
Akiyama passes the mechanic and says "You're out of toilet paper, Kakuichi." The mechanic pokes his head out of my car's hood and says "This ain't an izakaya, Akiyama." Kakuichi? I ask "Why does your jumpsuit say Takeshita?" The mechanic wipes off sweat from his forehead and replies "Cause the last owners had a guy named Takeshita, I think. What, you want me to update the name outside too? Know how much that costs? I'm running a business here, for God's sake!" He better not cheap out on fixing my car.
The con-artist dumbass walks up to us and huddles between us. He pauses, like he's trying to figure out what to say, and then says quietly "Okay, I've been running things over in my head, and I get now that there are things that I don't know about how the world works. Okay, so I take it that the witch or the kid or both…that I wasn't going crazy and that you know them, or know of them, or something like that." He pauses again and looks at Hiei, and then at me, and then says "Well, do you?" I sigh and say "Yes. We know them very well." Akiyama puffs his cheeks and asks "Well…what exactly are they?" Botan and Urameshi. What are they? Really one hell of a question there. I say "Okay, the kid is easier to explain, or at least in this context. If you know him personally then that's a whole 'nother story.. Yeah, he was dead for a short while, but he came back to life. It's a very long story…yeah ghosts and souls and that kind of stuff is real. And demons. They are real too."
Akiyama laughs for a second and then stops himself, and then walks over to the tool wall and rubs his forehead. He says "So those things are real too then. Demons, eh? I've seen things before but I thought I was just seeing things. Maybe had too much to drink or was working too hard or didn't eat enough. Okay, this was not how I expected today to shake out." He pauses, and then says "And souls and ghosts. Real too. So, you know how this works too? Is Amaterasu real? Hachiman? Benzaiten? Inari? Or is it like a Buddhist thing? Or are the Christians or Jews or Muslims right?" I let him have it sink in for a bit, and then say "Just Yama. And he has a son who is usually a toddler but sometimes like a teenager and he sucks on a pacifier. It's kinda weird." Akiyama stares at me for a bit, and then says "Okay, Yama. And his weekday toddler, weekend teenager son." I add "They judge souls for humans and there is a heaven and hell system. I don't know the exact details, but it's pretty close to what you can imagine. I guess. They are on this…separate realm that is connected to our place here. They control like half of their…planet I guess, and the other half is a three-way split between these three demon kings. Well, two kings and a creepy psycho queen to be exact."
Akiyama nods slowly, to show he understands, I guess, and then asks "Are you a demon?" "Nah, I'm full human." "And Hiei? He a demon?" Hiei answers for me "Yes, I indeed am. Of mixed fire demon and Koorime ancestry. From the Valtakunta of Savonimaapera, the northern lands of the demonic Kingdom of the Alaric." Akiyama laughs and replies "Okay, I'm not going to remember the whole name, but okay. Okay. You are a demon. I guess that explains a few things, somehow. Such as your smell." Pfft. Haha! Hiei turns red and shouts "MY ODOR IS PERFECTLY SATISFACTORY! I PRACTICE EXCELLENT HYGIENE!"
Hiei and I calm down for different reasons, and Akiyama asks "Okay, so…that third eye thing. You were able to look at far distances and zero in with fine detail. I…I actually have a favor to ask of you two. I know, I know, I'm in no place to ask, but it's really important." I groan and say "Forget it, I'm not getting roped into your pea-brain yakuza scams. You know, I was starting to be cool with you for a sec, and now I'm getting pretty tired of your bullcrap again." Akiyama backs off and raises his hands like to tell me to take it easy, and then says "Not a scam. Not a…look, since you leveled with me, I'll level with you. I'm not a yakuza, never have been. A member of the Tojo Clan's Shibata family saved me from a mugging once, and I keep friendly relations with him since, but I never affiliated myself with any yakuza clans. I was a hotshot banker that got fingered for a huge embezzling scheme and got sacked for it. This is the part where I tell you that I got framed, and you don't believe me, but that's not important. Anyway, I was homeless for some time, and some of the homeless that were on the streets with me helped me through that REALLY dark time in my life. One of them has very severe psychological problems, and we tried to get him checked into a psych ward so he can get the help he needs, and he refuses every time. Well this week he spat in the face of a yakuza gorilla, and that gorilla is forming a manhunt for him."
Akiyama pauses and scratches his throat. He frowns and sighs, and then continues "Yesterday, the yakuza went at me and my friends, the ones that are still living on the streets. He grabbed me by the neck and choked me, kinda like how Kuwabara here got me today. Well, he, his words were something that goes along the lines of 'If I don't get Morikasa delivered to me by Monday, I'll take a finger from all of you, each. With rusty scissors'." What a story, this guy should write fiction. I say "Damn, that's a lot to believe. So in what part do we jump in front of cars?"
Akiyama frowns again and says "You just told me about ghosts and witches and Yama's toddler and demon kings, and yet I'm speaking tall-tales?" "Nah, it's just I don't trust you." Hiei himself jumps in "You were homeless? Disgraceful. I will overlook this development." What? I turn to Hiei, and Akiyama does the same, and we both give him the same look by coincidence. Okay, that was weird. Anyway, Akiyama speaks "I'm…I'm not going to respond to that, Hiei. Kuwabara, I promise you, I don't have any scams planned. I just want Mikio safe. He has no family, no other friends, and no one will care if he goes missing. They made it clear that they are going to hurt him. Torture. I, I can't let that happen. I owe him too much. Please."
Hiei speaks "Kazuma, if you have reservations concerning this dilemma, I can assist Akiyama myself." Hm. I look into his eyes…I…I say "I'm going to take a chance with you. Because for once you don't sound completely full of shit. Okay, I'll tag along. Where is he?" Akiyama raises an eyebrow and says "That's what I need help with. I kinda thought that was obvious." Oh yeah, that was dumb of me. I need more sleep.
Akiyama turns to Hiei and says "Your third eye…thing." He points at the bandage covering it. Hiei says "What? My Jagan eye? You wish to see it again? Or to track down this demented vagrant of yours?" "The second thing. I saw that it can help you narrow down places. Can you find people with it? If I give you enough details, can you find Morikasa?" "Do you doubt my abilities? Of course I can." Akiyama sighs, scratches the back of his head, and says "Yeah, I don't know what else I was expecting you to say."
The sun still rather overbearing at this hour. Luckily, we captured one of the few wooden benches with mounted parasols! Ah, a truly lovely day at Onjuku beach. My Ray-Ban sunglasses on my forehead, I feel a drop of ocean water drip from my hair and onto my white cotton cover-up, my sky blue two-piece swimsuit now mostly dried. I speak "Yukina, thank you for coming along." Yukina, wearing Versace sunglasses on her forehead and a lovely white wide brim hat on her still-wet hair, a mosaic sky blue, gray, and burgundy silk cover-up hiding her black one-piece swimsuit, she peers from her laminated menu and to me and speaks "Of course Botan! Thank you for inviting me. I am sorry that Shizuru and the others couldn't come along…and I do feel bad that we didn't invite Keiko. I thought she was busy training…" She suddenly and strangely stops herself, glares uncomfortably, and then awkwardly smiles. Training? For what? Physical training? I ask "Keiko is training? Ah, for a marathon?" She quickly nods and replies "Yes, correct! She has been training many mornings, so I just assumed."
Ah, that's grand. Keiko certainly has undergone quite a transformation, but endurance race training makes for a healthier outlet then investigating deceased organized criminals. So…the menu. What to indulge on? I survey the menu of 'Pono Island Banquet'. A quaint Hawaiian restaurant by the beach, with pretty sky blue walls and an etched arch over the entrance that says in English lettering 'Ua Ola Loko I Ke Aloha'. Remembering when I studied Hawaiian and the other Polynesian languages near the end of my River Styx training, I speak "'Love Gives Life Within'. That is what the phrase means." Yukina smiles and speaks "You understand…whichever language that is?" I nod "Yes, Hawaiian. I am able to comprehend virtually every language in use today, and several that have gone extinct." "Can you understand Sindarin?" Err, what? I ask "Sindarin? I…do not know of such a language. Is it extinct?" Yukina glowingly smiles and replies "No, it is the elf language from this informative but rather tedious documentary I saw on television. Lord of the Rings, it was called." Kazuma what have you done to her?!
I awkwardly laugh and speak "That was a fictional movie. Based off an English fantasy novel." Yukina stares blankly for several seconds, and then looks down at her menu, turning a few shades redder. I reassure "It's an honest mistake. I once thought that Momotaro was a real historical figure. Now, how about we two ladies indulge on something enticing? We are celebrating my birthday soon, after all." "That sounds like a great idea Botan," she awkwardly smiles again, her embarrassment not quite subsided. Now, back to the menu…avocado loco moco sounds curious. As if reading my mind, Yukina speaks "I had loco moco before." I inquire "If you may be a dear and explain…what is it exactly? My knowledge of Hawaiian culture ends with a serviceable understanding of the language." "Ah, it is a hamburger patty with a fried egg and this curry called gravy." Okay…maybe not my cup of tea after all.
A bald burly East Asian man in a white sleeveless shirt and black sweatpants arrives at our table with a notepad and a pencil. He asks in Japanese "Hello, are you ready to order?" I speak "Yes, I will have an ahi tuna and avocado poke rice bowl, and a passion fruit mojito." I hand my menu to the very casually dressed waiter, appears as if he just arrived from the street, and I watch him jot down my order. He turns to Yukina, and she speaks "Does the loco moco come with rice?" He speaks curtly "Yes." Yukina nods and replies "Is it possible to reduce the portion of the rice?" "Sure, how much rice would you want? I can let them know to put it on the side." Yukina smiles and claps her hands, speaking "Oh that's perfect. Please limit the rice to a tablespoon." Hm, perhaps she is watching her figure? This seems rather excessive. Yukina adds "I will have the chili and bacon double patty loco moco…" Or not. "And a T-bone garlic steak with kale. Rare." So she's still subjecting herself to that keto diet?
The waiter asks "To share?" Absolutely not. Yukina replies "Well, if my friend wishes to try, she is most welcome to." I've seen this before, and it never gets any less absurd. The waiter jots down her order and speaks "Understood, I'll bring out extra plates. Anything to drink?" Yukina pauses, and then speaks "Oh…ah yes. I will have a whiskey and tonic." The waiter finishes jotting her insane order, collects her menu, and then speaks "I will put your order in." He leaves, and I remain dumbfounded at what was uttered. I ask "I'm sorry if I am being rude…but isn't this excessive even for your diet? Is this due to your demon biology?" She frowns slightly, and then speaks "I do eat more than a human woman, yes. Hiei keeps bringing meat home from the forests, and I always try to make sure they are not wasted. It's sinful to let an animal die for no reason." She finishes the statement with a slight smile. I laugh awkwardly and ask "Have you ever heard of a disease called diverticulitis?"
Our drinks in hand, I sip on my mojito as Yukina speaks "My, this heat is uncomfortable. I think I'm having another migraine." Hm? I reach for my small travel size purse to my right and remove a small pill bottle full of ibuprofen. I remove the orange cap and offer Yukina a tablet, and she asks "Are those migraine pills?" "Yes." Yukina smiles and shakes her head, speaking "Oh that's fine, I use them for birth control." Oh that's understandable…wait WHAT?! I incredulously ask "Birth control? I…I don't…" "Due to my Koorime biology, pills sometimes have special side effects, so I have to be really careful in what I take. I had a really embarrassing moment when I first took a headache pill, but at least they are a cheap alternative to real birth control." I…what. "Is that even safe?" "I've been using them on a weekly basis for many years and I feel fine." Weekly basis…Kazuma. Botan girl, those intrusive thoughts have got to go. I just nod and return to my drink.
Watching Yukina nibble away at the final remains of a steak once the size of a dinner plate, I finish the last sips of my mojito, the ice having completed melted away. Admittedly, that was rather impressive, even the restaurant owner stepped out to watch the spectacle briefly. And now a loud racket is playing from the streets, I look left and behind myself and I spot a black van driving along the street, with the words…'Nihon Kotsu Group' on the doors in Japanese and English. Just below it 'Taxi and Limousine'. One male uniformed driver and three passengers in behind, some covering their ears, and the van is blasting extremely loud Japanese rock music, cannot make out the lyrics, I'm guessing it to be L'Arc en Ciel. The van passes us…and the trunk door comes slightly open…and four luggage cases slide out and spill onto the street. I yell "Wait stop! Your luggage!" I stand up and run into the road, waving at the van to stop…and they simply drive away.
Yukina approaches me on the street, followed by the waiter, who seems half-concerned that we are about to dine and dash. He speaks "Hey, you didn't pay the…what happened?" Yukina answers for me "A taxi van drove by and the back door came open, and everyone's luggage flew out. They didn't notice." The waiter appears confused and speaks "Okay, one second." He collects three of the luggage cases, two brown, one dark blue, and I grab the remaining silver case. Turning back to the restaurant, I pull the silver case "Baaaaaha." What? What was that high pitched noise? The waiter and Yukina turn back to me, and I say "I did not make that sound." We resume, I pull on the case again "Baaha. Baaha."
We three pause again, and I say "Let us just get back and sort this later." We resume our march to the restaurant "Baaha. Baaha. Baaha." The last one was rather soft compared to the others. Back at our table, the waiter inspects each of the four luggage cases, and focuses on the dark blue one. A sticker around the handle, appears to be from the airport. Similar stickers on the larger brown case, none on the smaller brown case and the silver case. He reads off it, and speaks "I know this one. The Kadomatsu family. They live nearby." I speak "Oh, wow. Small town, yes?" "About seven thousand, give or take. It has its benefits. I'll bring them over later." I speak "No, that is fine. We can deliver the luggage ourselves. Just provide us with the address and we will be off. Now, about the bill." The waiter stares at us briefly, and I assure him "I promise you, we are not going to steal used underwear." "Okay, thank you, that is very kind of you," he replies, nodding and returning to the restaurant, likely to get the bill. Luckily my rental car is nearby.
Inside my rented black Nissan Altima sedan, we drive along a residential section of Onjuku. And the damned silver case keeps bleating, as if there are multiple tiny sheep inside. We did everything we could aside from abandoning it, but the noise is very annoying. At this point it is wedged behind Yukina's seat…seems to reduce the amount of sliding around for the case. And the radio itself is blasting NHK, a segment on the rise of Western tourism in Mongolia and rental yurts. Very fascinating, considering the bleating alternative. I am beginning to regret my kindness. Yukina herself is hiding her discomfort…and her ears.
The Kadomatsu household, a quant brick house with painted white walls and a burgundy-tile slanted roof. Trimmed bushes surrounding the front and sides of the house, forming the perimeter of an empty driveway. A small bush peppered with pink thistle flowers serve as the vanguard of a V-shaped and mostly bare tree, the top tips sprouting these tails of white flowers that appear like tubular chrysanthemums. We park in their driveway, and I shut the car off. Quiet…at last. I hear a door creak open as I exit the car. On the house porch, a slender East Asian woman wearing a white short-sleeve shirt and a short green skirt, stands watch and speaks "Pardon, I think you are in the wrong driveway." Yukina exits the car as I reply "Is this Kadomatsu residence?" She pauses, and cautiously speaks "…yes." "We found your luggage on the road. The waiter from 'Pono Island Banquet' gave us your address."
She glares at us for a second, and then breaks into a shocked smile and speaks "Oh God thank you so much!" She turns to the interior of her house and shouts "Riku! Come here! Put the phone down! Someone found our luggage!" She turns back to us and speaks "My apologies, my husband has been on the phone with the taxi company as soon as we arrived. Did you see what happened?" Yukina speaks "Yes, all four luggage cases just slid out of the trunk, right in front of the restaurant." Mrs. Kadomatsu frowns and speaks "Oh I hope the plates we got aren't broken. Oh thank you, thank you! I never seen anything like this before. We were coming home from our vacation in Copenhagen, and this strange woman brought this squeaky luggage case along. And it kept making this annoying noise. The drive was one and a half hours long! They just dropped off the first passenger from the airport and I guess the driver didn't close the trunk fully. The whole drive was a circus, the woman was so strange and annoying…I'm sorry if I am giving out too much information. I just need someone to vent to…thank you so much again."
We deliver both luggage cases, and Mrs. Kadomatsu inspects both cases and finds her dinner plates from Denmark to be intact. I reject her offer of compensation and ask "Do you know where the remaining passenger went?" She nods and replies "Yes, Ms. Matsui." A man speaks "You mean…DOCTOR MATSUI!" Mrs. Kadomatsu laughs as who I'm assuming to be her husband exits out of the house, dressed in a black buttoned dress shirt, dark green chinos, and a brown belt. He appears to be balding and has rather thick eyebrows. Mrs. Kadomatsu laughs and speaks "Oh yes, she was quite a character. Keeps insisting on being called a doctor, says she is some scientist from Fukuoka. Riku, do you remember which hotel she said she was staying at?" Riku replies "I think it was the Ocean Breeze hotel, near the beach. Yes, that is the one, said to bring her luggage over there if it turned up."
I smile and say "Thank you, we will bring it over to her shortly." Riku suddenly speaks "Oh no, not without us. I got to see what the hell was in that case. Did you two hear it too? I mean of course you did. How about it Marina?" Marina Kadomatsu frowns and speaks "I'm not sure I can stand another minute of that awful squeaking sound, but might as well. What are your names?" "Botan," I reply. "Yukina," she follows suit.
Inside the Ocean Breeze hotel lobby, in line for the front desk, an Eastern European couple speaking in poor English between us and the concierge they are addressing. I think they were speaking in Estonian to each other earlier. A French café to our far right, and I see a European family, a couple and their toddler son, get seated by an East Asian waitress in a red apron. Behind them, an East Asian woman seated and sipping coffee from a small white porcelain cup, a brown German shepherd tied by the lease to her dining table, the dog staring at us with great attention as the little boy points at the dog and tries to get its attention. Dog likely is fixated at the infernal bleating that we reverberated on our ascent to here. My, the drive was torture. The Kadomatsu couple's curiosity and tolerance for psychological torture brought them to join us for the final leg of this saga. I must admit I'm eager myself, if only that I will not pass time easy not knowing what the ever hell is in this suitcase.
The Estonian couple take their luggage and offer their thanks to the concierge, departing for presumably their hotel room. We take a step forward. "Baaha." The concierge, an East Asian woman wearing a navy buttoned suit, her brown hair shaped in a bun and held up by multiple hairpins, her name tag saying 'Yamaguchi', she bows and then speaks "Welcome to…the Ocean Breeze." The strange sound caught her unawares, or more so she finally realizes the source of the bleating that has captivated temporary attention in three minute intervals for the past fifteen minutes.
I puff my cheeks and speak "Yes, that sound is from us. No, we are not checking in. Is there a Dr. Matsui staying here? We found her luggage bags…they fell off her taxi on the ride here." The concierge Yamaguchi stares blankly at us, and then suddenly speaks "Um…oh! Yes. Yes, she did mention something about this. I'll call her and let her know, thank you!" Yamaguchi reaches for a telephone on her desk, pulls the receiver to her ear, and then inspects something. I hear her mutter under her breath "Now what room did I give that crazy bitch…there, 4C." I hide my amusement as she dials, pauses for a few seconds, and then speaks "Hello Ms. Matsui…Dr. Matsui, yes, my sincerest apologies. Yes, I received your request for extra towels and they will be sent shortly." A pause. "My sincerest apologies, they will arrive shortly I meant to say. I am actually here with a few good Samaritans that recovered your lost luggage." A second pause "Yes, they are downstairs. Would you wish to meet them? Understood."
Yamaguchi hangs up the phone, sighs under her breath, forces a smile, and speaks "Ms. Matsui will be here shortly. She indicated that a reward is in order." Mr. Kadomatsu speaks "Hey, don't you mean…DOCTOR MATSUI?!" His wife elbows him in the ribs slightly as the concierge fights off a laugh in the arduous mission of remaining professional.
At long last, the prodigal daughter arrives. Or at least I assume so, as this slightly tall East Asian woman, in her 40s, with a bowl haircut, overdressed in a navy blazer, a short black skirt, a Diu grey leather bucket bag, and what appears to be grey Chanel flats, robotically strides toward us, clearly not yet having removed the broom up her backside. I hear Mrs. Kadomatsu whisper "Yes, that's her." Miss…Doctor Matsui approaches within three strides of us and speaks "Yes, this is my missing luggage. Idiots from the taxi company will hear from me soon enough. Ah, the Kadomatsu family. Well done. I take it you expect a reward of such?" Charmed. There is jet lag and there is just being a pompous clown.
I speak "Oh we just wished to do a good deed for the day. That will not be necessary, Mrs. Matsui." She sneers "Doctor. Doctor Matsui. I have tenure in Kyushu University. Bioinformatics, but I'm sure such concepts are over your heads. Now, allow me." She reaches into her bucket bag and retrieves a brown wallet. Opening it, she fishes out…four one thousand yen notes. She extends the money and speaks "Here, for your troubles. Buy yourself something nice." Clearly not anything expensive.
I turn back to Yukina and the Kadomatsu couple, the former trying not laugh and later shaking their heads. I turn back to…Doctor…Matsui, and I ask "Rather than payment, how about you explain what that damned bleating sound was?" Mrs. Kadomatsu adds "I agree, that taxi ride was worse than the flight from Denmark. And we had a four hour layover in Turkmenistan." Doctor Matsui freezes in her tracks, still extending the yen out, though now as if to buy our silence. She grimaces and replies "Nothing to concern yourself over. Now, if you do not desire a reward, I will collect my luggage…" I step back and pull the silver case away. "Baaha. Baaha."
Matsui tosses the yen straight into her bucket bag and speaks "That is my property you are holding hostage. Do not have me contact the authorities." I sneer at her incredible lack of tact and insufferable prose, and I reach for the tiny brass padlock on the suitcase and summon all of my spirit energy, and I tear the padlock off the luggage. Matsui raises a fearful eyebrow and stammers "W-what…what are you doing?" Smirking in satisfaction, I speak "Perhaps we shall find the answer to this annoying mystery, yes?" I set the case down…"Baaha," as Matsui demeanor shifts to abject mortification. She stammers "You have n-no right, wait a minute!" I ignore her pleas for mercy and I reach for the zipper. Grabbing it with the vindictive rage of Job asking if God broke him with a tempest, I yank the zipper around, opening the suitcase…MY GOD!
"BAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Thirty…no, at least forty! Forty orange rubber chickens! All expanding to upright attention at once, like an army of the damned rising from the cold grave! All bleating at once! Their Satanic chorus echoes throughout the once idyllic hostel, now cursed with horrors most foul! All survivors stand in abject shock at the evil unleashed from Pandora's box! The European boy cries and runs to his mother, begging for succor. The dog recoils and barks fearfully and furiously, as if to warn all nearby to flee to safety, for 'Here Be Dragons'. I feel as if God himself took pause and sighed pensively, disturbed by what He created.
Doctor Matsui, her jaw slacked, she anxiously speaks "I…I can justify all these purchases. I assure you they are related to the research's scope and were purchased within the allocable period." Has a demon possessed her? I cannot even fathom a yokai capable of such wicked mania. I search the vocabulary of all the existing languages and many tongues long or recently extinct for the words to convey the emotional turmoil I am feeling, and yet all I can find myself armed with is "What?!" Matsui shakes her head and speaks "My apologies, force of habit…I…yes that works. Yes, they are all part of my study. Yes, purchased from my recent conference in Budapest. I would rather not bore your minds with the complexities." Research?! My, this goes beyond whatever droll study or eccentric sexual fetish she may be entangled with. No ma'am! This is possession with the intent to distribute!
The silence following the nightmare, as if we all must take time to assess the destruction wrought and determine what is salvageable and what must be euthanized, buried, and eulogized. Matsui speaks first "Well, perhaps we all just resolve to never see each other again. Agreed?" All four of my once intrepid and now mortified contingent…we all reply in near unison "Agreed."
Didn't expect ta have the day include a visit to a sketchy mob doctor but hey, the world is yer oyster, eh? Ow, ow, ow, the doc, Emoto, he's really soaking in the iodine solution on my giant scar. I'm sitting on the elevated doc table thing, wearing just my jeans and my black sports bra. Shit, I really liked that Adidas tracksuit, that thing was getting old but still, it was a vintage…
The doctor, wearing a white lab coat over a black dress shirt, gray pants held by a black belt, and red sandals, he has a bit of a bean shaped head, with grayish black hair slicked back and looking gelled up, and a bit of stubble around his square jaw and round chin. Doc wipes off the last of the dried blood below my boobs with a wet rag, and then grabs a sealed roll of gauze. He walks over to the sink, as Okamoto, who has a black right eye and a bloody noise, steps aside to let the doc do his thing. He washes his hands with pink soap, scrubs for a bit while humming, and then shuts off the faucet with his elbows. He extends his hands upwards and lets the water drip off him for a bit, and then grabs a pair of small scissors and cuts the gauze's plastic seal. Tegoshi and Joaninha both sitting on the chairs to the right, they're next. Joaninha especially, her face looks really messed up. She lost a couple of teeth from the rumble and now keeps spitting blood into the small black trashcan between her legs. Renan is holding his right forearm as he leans against the doorway, and the others are outside. They got a couple of bandages for their scrapes and got sent on a supply run for the nearest convenience store.
Doc Emoto pulls open the gauze roll, snips a small section off, and then places the gauze on my right rib and says "Hold it here." I use my right hand to keep it in place, and Emoto circles around me once around my wound, twice, three times, and a fourth time, saying "That should do it. Any other injuries?" I feel the gauze with my left hand, saying "Nothing else serious. One of the assholes pulled my hair. Got anything for that?" Emoto laughs once and speaks "I'd suggest a hair salon for that dilemma. Now, try not to engage in any more brawls with violent biker gangs, Yukimura. You are fortunate that I did not need to stable your wound. A little deeper and you would be unable to walk around strong magnets. Now…" He turns to Joaninha and motions her over "You say that you lost teeth? I am not a dentist, but I will do what I can to treat any lacerations." I climb off the table as Joaninha spits into the can one more time.
The hunting party came back with their haul, and are now divvying up the spoils on a desk. Bandages, cotton packs, cotton swap packs, some clean shirts and jeans for the people that need them replaced, a bottle of Everclear, and…a tonkatsu sandwich bento box? "Ahh, my dinner, perfect. Thank you," Emoto blurts out from the room with the bone saws and the syringes. Ugh, hate needles. He wipes down his just washed hands with a paper towel and says "Perfect timing. And no ridiculous brawls broke out." Fabricio asks in Japanese "That happens often man?" Emoto inspects the bento box, the sandwich, a corn and string bean salad on the side, and a big plating of rice with dried seaweed. Looks like they had it heated up. The doc sit down on his desk and pulls the bento toward him, and says "You are free to go. Try not to come back soon."
Putting on my new black t-shirt that has a printed logo of a Japanese pirate armed with one of those old musket guns and standing at the bow of a feudal era ship, I ask "What? Ya don't even need our insurance to make fake charges?" Emoto opens a drawer in the desk and pulls out a pair of black hard plastic chopsticks, saying "No, free of charge." I give the doc a weird look and wonder if he took a DNA sample from me for weird shit. Renan, his right arm in a sling, pats my right shoulder and says "Thanks Emoto. And yeah Keiko, it's all free, well, sometimes we have to replenish, like today. He got people that keep the lights on here, don't worry." I ask "How did ya know of this place?" Renan answers "Sometimes people needed a taxi here. I kinda figured it out when almost everyone that did were also bleeding somewhere. Then I needed help and found out he doesn't even want insurance or a co-pay. Good man, Emoto. Good man." The good doc goes to work on the corn and string bean salad and says "Your kind words are appreciated. Now, I apologize for being curt, but I wish to be left along with my dinner. Again, don't come back soon. As in, don't do anything to make you come back soon."
Outside on the streets of Kabukicho, the breaker dudes and Fabricio and Joaninha already having said their goodbyes, the latter now probably on the lookout for an available dentist, I knock cigarette ash into the public tray, my back resting against Renan's taxi. He's to my left and almost done with his smoke. I break a minute of quiet and say in Portuguese "Well at least no one died, huh?" He puffs his cheeks and nods, almost rolling his eyes, and says back "Eita. By a cunt hair some of us got out of that alive. How's the cut?" "Like I said before, it'll heal." "Ever been in a scrap like that? Damn, when that guy pulled the gun out, I thought, man, I'm going to be either dead or in prison." "Nah, I've seen stuff, but first time in a rumble that crazy." Renan knocks ash into the tray and says "One time in Salvador, me and Fabricio went to go play billiard and walked into this fucking huge fight that broke out, and this no joke, someone threw a grenade and I got shrapnel in the back of my foot. So if that is the bar, I say we good."
"A grenade huh? I mean, I can't complain, I got shot in the head last year." I push my hair aside to show a bit of my scar, still there. Renan looks for a bit, whistles, and says "Oh man, what, you have regular run-ins with the street trash?" I let my hair fall back in place and say "Nah, got it in Iran. Long story." Hear my phone vibrating in my jean pocket. I say "One second," and put my cig between my lips, getting my blue flip phone out. Yusuke landed yet? Been long enough…Hiei's calling? I put my cig in my left hand and say "Later Renan. Take it easy. See ya when I see ya. I got ya number." Renan crushes his cigarette against the tray and throws it in the bin and say "You take it easy, lunatic. Later." I nod and walk away to someplace more quiet. Hit the button, and "Hey Hiei, what's up?"
"Hello Keiko," I hear him say, sounds like he is in a car or something. Hear a radio in the background. He continues "I am with Kazuma and my employer Akiyama. There is an incident with one of Akiyama's companions and this organization that is referred to as the Ueno…" Suddenly hear Kazuma yelling "Don't say their name over the phone for fuck's sake! Cops can listen in on this!" Hiei shouts away from the phone "They can what?! How can this be?!" "Since this was possible man!" "What vile Maoism has infested this great nation?!" He returns to speaking directly into the phone and says "Nevertheless, there is a matter at hand, and I know you are eager to partake in such matters. This presents an opportunity." Hear someone I don't recognize say "Now he is vaguer then modern art. It's either extreme with this guy." Hear Hiei snarl "Akiyama, if you find my prose unsatisfactory, perhaps you can tell her yourself in as sufficient detail as you deem fit!" So that's Akiyama. Hear him shout "I've got two hands behind the wheel and am two days removed from a car accident! I'm not also talking to some random woman I never met!"
I think I'm piecing things together. I ask "So, Hiei, put me on speaker." "What in all the hells is that?" I hear him say. Of course he'd not know. Hear some mumbling and shoving and I then hear Kazuma speak "Hey Keiko, it's me Kuwabara. We got this under control, don't worry about it." I laugh, put my left hand by where my gauze would be, and say "I need a lift anyway. I'm in Kabukicho, will be by the Don Quijote. How far away are ya guys?" Kazuma pauses for a while, and then says "Around twenty minutes I guess. Look for a red Honda Civic."
Sunset now, orange cloudy sky. I reach over and shut off the radio. So now in addition to owing his brother-in-law for winning the worst lottery in wrecking his very expensive sedan, I have to act as chauffer for what I'm guessing is Hiei's girlfriend. At least it seems that we will track down Mikio today. And get him the help he needs. Of course then Kurihara will start hunting fingers with the rustiest fucking scissors he will find, but baby steps. Turning left on an intersection, with Kuwabara seated shotgun to my left, I hear him say "Why did you call Keiko and ask if she wants to come along? Man you are getting weird around her." Hiei, sitting behind Kuwabara, recoils slightly and replies "Pardon? You are already aware that Keiko asked me to train her to be warrior, in exchange for her assistance with the now destroyed newsstand endeavor." "Yeah, and now I have to figure out how we're going to pay that loan back, since this jackass sure as shit ain't paying you enough. Or anything so far. I just spent half a million yen for my dad's medical treatment. I know, it looks like I have money and I live comfortable, but I'm not 'rich' rich. I can't just throw around money like that. Anyway that's not even the point! What the hell were we talking about?"
I say "This Keiko being trained by Hiei to become Princess Mononoke?" Was a good joke, hard to pass up. Kuwabara laughs a bit and I continue "So she Hiei's girlfriend or something?" I see in my back mirror that Hiei's eyes just went wide and he speaks "What? No, absolutely not! She is the apprentice, I am simply her master." I smirk and say "Master and apprentice roleplay. Kinky." "Excuse me?" Kuwabara cuts us both off and says "Akiyama, cool it. She's the fiancé of one of my good friends. The guy who you saw get run over all those years ago, the guy who you saw in the sky with Botan." Oh…OH! And…Botan? I ask "Who is Botan?" Oh wait, he must mean the witch. "She's the blue-haired lady you called a witch. The one on a broom stick. Also a close friend of ours." I snort and say "Small world huh?" "Just drive and shut up, man."
"Alright, I apologized a dozen times already. You don't need to be an asshole. And why does it matter if she comes along? It's not like we're going to a cabaret club. So he's been helping her with her Pilates, so what?" Hiei raises an eyebrow and asks "Pilates? I never heard of this martial art before. How effective is it?" Kuwabara prepares to say something, and then sighs and shakes his head. I see Hiei looking more frustrated, and he snaps "Pardon Kazuma? If you have something to say, just speak it! I only had the benefit of living as a resident on this landmass for two years! As such, many concepts simple to you may appear quite strange and alien to me!" Kuwabara nods and frowns for a bit, and then says "Yeah man, you're right. My bad, I'm taking my negative energy out on you." "It is of no matter Kazuma, now shall we resume with the task at hand?"
A minute passes, getting closer to Kabukicho, and suddenly Kuwabara speaks "Wait a minute, you didn't answer me why you want Keiko along." I laugh and jump in before Hiei can speak "Why, don't you get it? We got the short titular protagonist in Hiei here. We got the tall, rough-looking hothead in you that likes to talk with his fists. We got the guy with the thief class over here. Now we're missing the token female that casts magic spells. Hey Hiei, did she unlock hydro pump yet or will she come along to crush some slimes for the experience points?" Hiei 'Hmms?' and then his eyes light up and he speaks "Ah, you are making a Golden Sun and a Pokémon reference." At a red light, I turn around and say with a little sarcasm about the obvious "Yes Hiei. Yes, I am."
Kuwabara waves his right hand off at nothing and says "Doesn't matter man, you're just picking her up and dropping her off. Yukina told me how she already got suspended from work for getting into a fight in Kabukicho while pretending to be sick on a workday. Urameshi will be really pissed if we drag her along for something involving the freaking yakuza." Hiei quickly replies "She is a grown woman. She is capable of making her own decisions." "Yeah, but all our decisions have consequences. And they're both our friends here, and I really don't want to get involved in things I shouldn't have to. I mean she did get shot in the head last year, and while I don't think she went crazy or nothing, she's going to end up taking a bite out of something too big for her to chew, and people will get hurt. I'm talking about her weird investigation thing into her past life." Past lives? I ask "So we also reincarnate too? That's the thing? How does that work with ghosts?" Kuwabara winces and tilts his head, saying "No one really knows, Hiei thinks so. Keiko too. I try not to think about stuff like that. Anyway, Keiko, like I said, we're just picking her up and dropping her off." Hiei coldly replies "Any consequences she suffers, she will endure. Humans and demons alike are responsible for their own destinies. I refuse to curse anyone with the humiliation of being a slave. If the detective reacts adversely, I will make clear that you had no knowledge to the nature of my training of Keiko." "Hey, Hiei, hey, that doesn't work that way. I'm not leaving you to take the heat for anything. Remember, you are family. That means something to me. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it. If Keiko wants to come along, alright, no problem. Just remember what I say here." Passing another intersection, I notice Hiei in the mirror smiling a bit and looking down, as if in deep thought. He then reaches into the storage between the seats to loot his Gameboy. I reach for the radio so we don't have to listen to video game music for the rest of the drive.
Driving up to the Don Quijote, I ask "So Hiei, did you change your mage to pirate class? Is that a thing in that game you play?" He ignores me and rolls his window down, shouting "Keiko, over here!" The lady in the pirate shirt walks up to my car as Kuwabara speaks "Hey Keiko, how's it been? This is the guy Hiei mentioned about. Shun Akiyama, meet Keiko Yukimura. Keiko, Mr. Akiyama." Rolling down the window, I lean a bit forward and say "Hey, did you forget your eye patch?" She smirks and says "I keep meeting ya smartass types today. It's like a virus." Sounds like she's from Osaka.
Hiei scoots over to sit behind Kuwabara again as Keiko sits behind me. I start driving, everyone rolls their windows up, and I turn off the radio's broadcast about some tin shortage. I say "Alright, everyone comfortable? Okay, so I'll just make it clear that I found out about the whole ghost and demon and three eye thing today, on account of Hiei showing too much skin. I have a lot of questions, sure, but I also have a favor to ask, and it seems that Hiei wants you along. Just to be clear, how are you in a fight? Hiei says that he has been training you to be some warrior, in what way I have no idea, but we are off to find one of my friends before a yakuza gorilla and his troop tear his limbs apart. I'm honestly not that great in fighting and I'm going to defer to these two guys."
Keiko frowns and says "I guess I could use some improvement. I mean, I just got out of this sketchy doctor's clinic after almost having my throat slashed." Um…wow. Kuwabara nods and says "Yeah I hate when those things happen…WAIT WHAT?! The hell?!" Keiko laughs and says "Long story but I was walking around Shinjuku and I saw a bunch of Brazilians and some of these local guys having a breakdancing contest, and well I followed them to a construction site because these are the crazy things you don't want to miss in Shinjuku. And then these Bosozoku bikers came and threatened us, and it broke into this insane fight. I'm honestly amazed that no one died. But I got my favorite tracksuit ruined and now have this gauze wrapped around my chest."
I collect myself and ask "Okay so is every one of you a psycho?" Kuwabara shakes his head and replies "Hey this is a recent development for her. I'm used to her being a lot more normal like me." He pauses and turns to her, saying "You said Bosozoku bikers? Which ones?" What, he knows those guys too? Keiko speaks "Howler Monkey MC." Kuwabara sighs and says "Good, I don't know them. Remember Okubo from school? He joined up with a punk biker gang around five years ago. I haven't spoken to him much but I hear he's been in and out of prison. At least he wasn't causing trouble there. Seriously though, are you okay Keiko? Why are you getting into these crazy fights? Yukina and Urameshi told me about Kabukicho from two days ago."
Awkward silence, and Keiko twiddles her thumbs and says "Well, bad luck?" I think of a funny line and say "Hiei…you're not feeding her steroids right?" "Steroids?" Hiei asks as if he doesn't understand what they are, as Kuwabara palms his face and Keiko says "So, ya here to make fun or you want our help?" "Help, definitely your help. Hiei, is Mikio still by the Okachimachi station?" He removes his bandage, opens his weird third eye, and concentrates as if he is trying to relieve himself. I drive behind a large semitruck for the Aquarius company so as to keep others from watching the freakshow. He speaks "No…someone is dragging him inside a building now." Shit, they got to him!
He continues "The back alley to this 'Cash for Gold' venue. Several streets to the southwest of the station, adjacent to this fruit and vegetable store, near this 'body piercing' shop. Intersection of Ruby and Diamond." I know the area good enough. I say "That's the Ueno jewelry district. Okay, let's go!" I move into the lane to the left of the truck and increase my speed just a bit past the point of being an idiot. Kuwabara shouts "Easy! You promised that I can use this car while you have my Mercedes fixed!" Keiko speaks "Oh, something happened to it?" "Yeah! This dumbass threw Hiei into it thinking I was a mark for his dumb scams." I hear Keiko laughing as Hiei speaks "I rather not discuss that, it's quite embarrassing." Getting to the matter at hand, I ask "Does your eye thing give you a good look at the people that took him? Buzzcut guy with a thick goatee. Looks like he belongs on those pro wrestling shows." Hiei speaks "Yes, that is the one. And he has three more vagrants in the building. They appear to be held against their will." Shit! I hear a honk and a man yell "Slow down you maniac!" Keiko asks "The hell did this guy do to deserve this?" Might as well recite the full story along the way.
Almost there, c'mon, stupid red light! Change already! I finish "And that's why I needed an ice pack after your little adventure at the soapland." Keiko still can't stop laughing. She especially was amused at the detail of Hiei eating out a hooker, twice. Actual tears rolling down her cheeks. Not important though. Gotta get to the guys before the ape starts eating fingers. Hiei snarls and speaks "You did not mention that your 'friend' was a deranged lunatic." Really? I say "Not his fault he was born that way. I tried to get him help. All of us at the homeless camp did. But he was just too stubborn and paranoid to listen." Hiei snarls "He spat at someone in the face relatively unprovoked. He played an idiotic game and is getting his reward." "Excuse me? Look I know you are high on this nationalist Nietzsche Japanese warrior crap but this is a living person at risk, with thoughts and dreams and a future and he doesn't deserve to end up in multiple dumpsters!"
Kuwabara jumps in "I'm with Akiyama here, I gotta say. Hiei, did they have people like Morikasa in demon world? I'm sure we all have screws loose somewhere, sometimes they need help." "And people tried to give help, and the lunatic refused. Divorce yourself from your innate strength, and imagine the typical weak humans that inhabit this landmass. Their only recourse is justice, and excusing such behavior on account of insanity robs the typical weak humans of their dignity. At that point, humans might as well live in total anarchy. What if Morikasa assaulted one of the elderly? Or a child?" Argh! I shout "He would never do such a thing!" "How do you know Akiyama? He clearly is not responsible for his actions. Therefore anything is possible. Afterall, his actions put the rest of your vile-smelling vagrant compatriots in the predicament they are currently in. Our actions have consequences that extend beyond our own destinies, as someone here earlier declared." I shout "Vile-smelling…have you smelled yourself in the mirror lately?!" Keiko shouts "LOOK OUT!" Hm? OH HELL! I slam the breaks before I slam into a double parked van, barely avoided it by an outstretched hand even. The van's driver, an elderly man wearing a sky blue cap, peers outside the black van and darts a cold stare at me.
Reversing a bit and driving around the van, I hear Keiko speak "Ya know, I gotta side with Hiei here." Kuwabara sighs and says "You too? What happened to you?" She yawns and replies "I got a lotta perspective lately. Made me think. Hiei is right, there are people out there that ya just can't help." I spot Hiei nodding and showing a face that suggests validation. She continues "If they are so crazy that they can't be really, REALLY, responsible for the stuff they do…if their brain is so broken that they cannot control themselves, these people would not been able to blend in for so long. Like, they would not be able to communicate normally. They would jump in front of busses thinking they'd faze through them, or talk to, I don't know, trash cans and think they are some kind of space worm. I'm just saying the shit that comes to mind here. Anyway, Morikasa didn't start spitting in the air thinking he was some park fountain. He looked the gorilla square in the eye and did what he did. He knew what he was doing there. Now, there is a thing about these kinda people. The kind that, and yeah, I know we all lucky in Japan that we don't got anywhere near as bad a problem like in England or America or Mexico or whatever, where there are people that use their lack of impulse control as an excuse. Like, I sometimes get weird thoughts of stabbing myself in the eye when I pick up sharp stuff, but I don't. Impulse control, guys."
Kuwabara cuts in "Didn't you stab a guy in the eye in Iran over not wanting to cover your hair?" She yells "I'm trying to make a philosophical point here Kazuma! Anyway, these assholes know that what they're doing is wrong, like, they've been taught many times over and over again what they are doing is wrong. Not a mystery to them. And each time they get into jail and they get out, they keep doing the same shit. And there is a pattern there, if ya look close enough. Cause these assholes ain't going open season on everyone. Nah, they look for the weakest targets they can find, and they try to hurt them because they feel like they can get away from that, and that they feel like the king of the hill, like their shit doesn't stink, that for a brief moment in their pathetic lives, that they feel strong. And I got a name for someone like that. Predator. That's what these assholes are. And the only thing that will sort them out is a rope and some scaffolding."
Um…wow. And I thought Hiei was on a level. Kuwabara speaks first "First off Keiko, I now think that the bullet that Mithradata hit you with knocked around more than just some past lives. I think you need professional help." "Kazuma, kiss my ass." "No, you have Urameshi for that. Second, and this is a big one. What you said about what makes a predator, I guess I can see, but the thing is, he didn't attack some old lady on the street. He went after a yakuza heavy." Thank you! I speak out "That's what I've been trying to say!" Keiko jumps in "And that's what I was also trying to say! Hell, I agree with Hiei on his first point too. Ya play stupid games, and the UFO catcher will drop ya some stupid rewards. At some point ya gotta wash yer hands of this. Maybe this can be the wakeup call this Morikasa nut needs. I mean, he got ya other friends in this mess too? And they didn't do nothing to deserve it."
At the intersection. I stop the car and sigh "Maybe you are right. Let's first make sure we rescue Morikasa and the others so we can actually give him the ultimatum he needs."
"Follow me, quietly," Hiei commands, taking the lead on a downward set of stairs to the presumed torture den of this cash for gold shop owned by Masaru Kurihara, Ueno Clan enforcer and captain of the Suzumiya Family. A Ueno Seiwa Clan subsidiary. So far, haven't seen anyone in the way, Hiei said earlier that they are still in the basement, still alive. Behind him, Kuwabara follows, then Keiko, and then myself. Place smells like cleaning product, and we pass by a dripping pipe. Almost at the bottom, not the best lighting here. A couple of bulbs need replacing. "ARGHHHHH!" Someone screaming. We hustle down…I yell "Kurihara! Wait a minute!"
Sano, Nomura, and Watabe all lying on their sides next to some torture table, on the floor, their hands tied behind their backs, still dressed in the same clothes I last saw them, when Kurihara was choking me. Morikasa sitting on a metal chair, passed out, wearing torn brown slacks, a grey shirt splattered in blood with a hole on the left rib side, his hands tied behind his back, and Kurihara, wearing the same clothes as last time, holding a large knife, the kind you hunt with I guess, the knife dripping blood on Morikasa. Morikasa's left cheek has a deep diagonal cut, his left side of his face all bloody. And he has a deep cut starting from his forehead diagonally across his right eye and to his cheek…did they cut his eye?! Behind him, four of his goons, wearing floral patterned leisure shirts and slacks or regular dress shirts and dress pants, they all perk up and reach for lead pipes and knives off the torture table. Nomura yells "Akiyama that you?! Get the hell out of here before they kill you! RUN!"
Kuwabara, Hiei, and Keiko get closer and take up positions, and I just stand behind Hiei and hold up what I think is a boxing stance. Kuwabara whispers "Get your hands higher up." Oh…okay. I have no idea how to do this. Please know what you are doing, Hiei and Kuwabara. And Keiko, I guess. I notice behind Kurihara and his thugs, another staircase leading somewhere upstairs, a fire extinguisher behind a glass panel. To the left, a desk and a chair, several metal drawers, wooden shelves, a money counter. On the near left, a small kitchen with a pinup calendar on the wall held in place with a knife, a mini fridge just under it. Dining table by the kitchen, with poker cards on it, spread over the table. Also a pack of Hi-Lite cigarettes and a bottle of Johnnie Walker, a couple of empty glasses. Looks like a mini hideout of theirs.
Kurihara twirls the knife around his fingers like a magic trick and shouts "How you found this place?! Wanna be a sea ornament like the rest of these hobo shits?! No problem cocksucker, I can make your dreams come true! Wipe these scumbags off the face of the earth!" Adrenaline pumping, I clench my fists and let out a battle scream and I take a step forward and I feel a heavy breeze and, and…and what the fuck? I blinked and Kuwabara and Hiei just disappeared and reappeared, and all the yakuza are on the ground, either yelling in pain or out cold, or dead I don't even know. Keiko herself laughs and says "Too fast for ya, Akiyama? Hey at least I was able ta track them this time. My eyes gotten a lot better. Hey Hiei! Kazuma! Save some for me next time, eh?!" Kuwabara himself has his knee pinned on Kurihara's back, Kurihara's right arm wrenched behind his back, and Kurihara's knife in his, Kuwabara's, left arm. That…that's what these people can do? Just disappear and reappear and everyone is down like it's a Dragon Ball Z episode? What kind of people have I gotten myself tangled up with?
Kurihara groans in pain and yells "How the fuck?! W-what the hell happened?!" Kuwabara grunts and speaks "You messed with the wrong people and got what you deserved. Now you stay down while we figure out what to do with all of you." "Suck my dick, asshole! When my boss hears about this, you all will be begging for an easy death! Eat shit!" Kuwabara twists Kurihara's wrist a bit and says "You want me to break it? Calm the hell down, it's done. You lost. Hiei, you use your thing to check the place for anything worth pointing out. And without showing off, alright! You two, get the bums untied." Right, right. Okay. Whew. Looks like we won…so far. As long as Kurihara doesn't escalate things.
I finish untying Mikio, goddamn the ape did a number on him. He woke up a minute ago and now keeps picking at his right eye and groaning "It burns so badly. I can't open it." "Don't," I say. Keiko finishes untying the last of my friends, Sano, adding "He still got one left, sucks but coulda been worse." I turn to my friends and say "You need to get him help now. I got to stay behind to see this through." Nomura grunts and speaks "Hospital near the Kanda river. We'll take him there. How the hell did you even find us?!" "Long story, you good enough to walk?" Watabe says "Good enough. You all just saved our skins. Come see us tomorrow." Keiko adds "I'll play escort, in case he got more idiots in the area." I nod and say "Thanks! I owe you one!" "You owe a lot more than that," Kuwabara says, adding "alright, stay safe K. Text me when you get them there." She replies "No need to mention it K. You still good for tomorrow?" "Yeah, we still on for B." They're making dinner plans while holding down yakuza enforcers? I'm trying not to lose my mind here. I move in to help Hiei with his searching with that…eye thing, as I watch over my shoulder and see Keiko and my friends making their exit. Need to see him tomorrow and give him that ultimatum she mentioned, for his own good. One thing at a time.
I ask out loud "Any idea what we're looking for?" Kuwabara shouts "Anything to keep these pin-wearing punks at arms-reach away from us!" Right, right, good idea. "Screw you asshole!" Kurihara grunts out, to which Kuwabara replies "You really talking me into breaking your wrist, you know that?"
That eye thing is really something. With Hiei pointing out places to look, I scrouged up several passports, stacks of yen, yuan, and euros, two shotguns, three pistols, an Uzi submachine gun, some gold and gem studded jewelry, and a wall safe, behind the now moved fridge, that needs opening. Looks like they are running a fake passport racket here. Might be what they are offering in exchange for the jewelry and cash. I hear Kurihara shout "How the fuck you find all that?! Don't waste your time, I got my boys coming in here to fuck you all in the asses! Take off your pants and get ready faggots!" He must be fun at cocktail parties. Hiei nudges me to stand between the half conscious yakuza thugs and himself, and lets his magic eye work its magic. A few seconds of scanning through what felt like my actual soul, and his normal eyes light up and he speaks "It is a bluff, no reinforcements in the vicinity. Not as if they would be much of a threat." I look back and watch Kurihara curse "Shit, how are they doing this?!"
I let Hiei put back on the bandage that hides the Eldritch abomination on his forehead, and then turn toward the wall safe. I ask "What's the combination Kurihara? Don't make this hard on yourself." He spits at the ground and shouts "Hard on myself?! I got a fucking semi for you, Akiyama! All of you assholes are going to be feeding crawfish at the bottom off AH FUCK MY ARM!" Sounded like a dislocation. Kuwabara turns toward us and says "Hey that's one way to make the punk shut up. C'mon, let's see what's in the fancy secret wall vault." Okay, I still need a combination…or a diminutive three-eyed demon in a sparkling monkey suit that just ripped a heavy duty combination safe door off the hinges. I say "That…is going to take some getting used to. Anyway, what we got…" A really obnoxious and long barreled cowboy-looking revolver, some papers, some more yen, a few photographs, a vial of…Viagra, and a pin.
I place everything aside from the revolver and the penis pills on the 'poker' table as Hiei smacks another one of Kurihara's goons into submission or unconsciousness. I reach through the papers and find a few more photos. A wrecked pharmacy. A destroyed florist shop. Shakedowns? But why take photos of the scenes? Interesting…very interesting. I say to Hiei "You said someone from the Tojo clan destroyed your newsstand, right?" He approaches me and says "Yes, why?" I reach for one of the photographs and show him what I'm guessing is his destroyed newsstand. He leans closer, and says "Yes, that is the one." Kuwabara growls "So you're the assholes that smashed his newsstand?! You owe us a lot of money!" "Screw you!" I whistle and bring attention to the more pressing issue. I ask "Kurihara, you have photos of all these shakedowns, or what looks like shakedowns. I can confirm that his newsstand was outside Ueno Seiwa Clan turf. I'm going to guess the other ones are too. Now, why the hell do you have a pin from the Ibuchi Family? From what I know off the grapevine, they are a pretty serious Tojo Clan outfit. They'd sooner die than let one of their pin's go missing."
Feel like the air got sucked out of the room. At least because Kurihara, despite the dislocated wrist or arm or whatever, suddenly became a lot quieter. Kuwabara turns to me and says "You know a lot about these four-fingered guys." "Living homeless, you can get invisible enough that people don't notice when they are speaking words meant behind closed doors." He nods once and asks "Alright Kurihara, break it down for us. Why you messed up my buddy's newsstand?" He clams up, not saying anything. Kuwabara asks "Do I have to hurt you again?" I say "No need. I have maybe…a dozen theories on what is going on, but I can tell this for sure, Kurihara is just the dumb muscle here. Every one of his guys are. So if they speak a word about any of this, someone will make them all disappear. Am I warm, Kurihara?"
A long pause, and he finally speaks "Do what you gotta do. I'm not saying anything. Nobody here will. Right?" He finishes that sentence as if to say that he will torture any blabbers in actual hell once he joins them. They all know better. Another pause, and Kurihara says "Alright, what you all want?" I frown and nod, saying "A Porsche would be nice. Or a bigger office space. Maybe some designer Italian shoes." "Get serious, jackass," the wounded gorilla groans. I say "I think you are the one who needs to get serious. Alright, I say we collect these photographs, these papers, and the pin for leverage. You go anywhere near me, my friends, or any of the homeless in Ueno Park, and I will make copies of everything and have them mailed to the Ueno Seiwa Clan headquarters, the Tojo Clan headquarters, the headquarters of the Omi Alliance in Osaka, and maybe Tokyo Metropolitan and a few big newspapers just to be sure. About your passport scheme and this mystery pin. Are we in agreement?" Kuwabara shouts "Not enough! We also taking all the jewelry and cash you have. And maybe that Uzi submachine gun. For this collection I'm making." He adds emphasis on the word 'collection'. So we are taking war loot? Okay, okay.
Another pause, and I watch Kuwabara twist Kurihara's arm again, and I hear Kurihara say "Alright...argh! You got a deal. Take what you want. I'll keep my distance, you keep yours. Never wanna see you assholes again anyway." I smirk and say "Oh trust me, the feeling is very mutual."
Dark outside. Entering my car, I watch as Kuwabara places a duffle bag full of cash, jewelry, and an Uzi submachine gun in the trunk. Closing the trunk, he hands Hiei a smaller zipped-up brown leather portfolio with the photographs, documents, and pin all snuggly inside. We enter the car, Kuwabara taking the wheel, Hiei sitting shotgun to Kuwabara's left, and myself sitting behind Kuwabara. Driving away from the diamond district, radio off, feeling as if I just took part in an insane heist. I ask "Any news on Morikasa?" Kuwabara says "Keiko texted me as we were walking out the basement. He'll live. He lost his eye but he ain't dead meat. Sorry about that man." I sigh and say "You did far more than what I could have hoped to accomplish myself. He's alive cause of you. Same goes for the others. Thank you. Are they fine too?" "Keiko didn't mention it so assume they are fine. And no problem."
We stop at a red light, several blocks away from the scene of the crime. I ask "Are we going to pick her up from the hospital? I'd like to see them." He says "Nah, she said she'll take a cab home. I need someone to hide those photos somewhere where no one could find them, for a couple of days,. Just to be extra careful. Is that alright with you Akiyama? I can drive you there now and have Hiei do it, if it can't wait." Hiei quickly replies "I already have a location in mind. Take us to the Ueno zoo." The zoo?! Kuwabara asks "Are you gonna stash them where they keep the bananas for the gorillas?" "I was actually considering the crocodile enclosure. There is a ventilation shaft where I could hide this for a significant length. Any opposition to my proposal?" Kuwabara laughs and says "Nah, that's a good place. Yeah Akiyama, Hiei here visits the zoo after hours to pet their crocodile sometimes." What?! Hiei speaks "Him. Tsenzai is male." I laugh and say "And he even has a name. Wow. Hope he is friendly enough to not bite my leg off. Alright, sure, I'll come along. Since you all did so much for me already."
Passing an intersection, Kuwabara yawns and asks "So, you said you are friendly with this Shiba-something Family. Why didn't you ask them for help? Why us?" So he remembered that. I sigh and answer "Hiroaki Arai…when I collected as much yen as I could grab after the 2005 Millennium Tower explosion, I was attacked and robbed in my sleep. He attacked my muggers and brought my money back. All of it. I owe him already for his kindness…I cannot presume to ask more of him. And…he would have to decline regardless. And if he didn't...a Tojo Clan member assaulting the Ueno Seiwa Clan would trigger another gang war, and I could not have that on my conscience." Silence, and then Kuwabara speaks "You made the right call there."
Green light, we drive onward, and Kuwabara says "Hey, Akiyama, that floating witch lady you saw all those years ago? We're celebrating her birthday tomorrow. You're invited. Russian bath house in Chuo. I'll send you the details later tonight, after I put away the stuff in the back." Heh? I ask "Thanks but, would that be alright? I'm flattered and all but I just met you today. I mean, I threw your brother-in-law into your imported car." "And you made up for it. I was pissed at first but…I got a good feeling about you Akiyama. I think you're good people after all. Just don't get Hiei into too much trouble." Hiei snarls and speaks "There is no such trouble that could fathomably threaten me." I smile and say "Yeah, that. Alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. In Chuo?" "I'll pick you up. I guess you plan to see your friends in the hospital tomorrow. The bathhouse visit is at 4 PM." "Got it, thanks. Now, I'm about to finish the day with a visit to a croc den."
We stop by the entrance to the zoo, and Kuwabara again repeats himself "No markings on the Rolex, I took a look. It's yours. You want it, just say so." I don't exactly feel comfortable with walking around with loot taken from the yakuza. I ask "You sure the jewelry ain't stolen? There has to be a few custom pieces there. Engravings." "I checked through one of the documents they had. They had a ledger for their fake passport business, I kinda figured out the code they were using. They were pretty obvious. It ain't stolen stuff, don't worry. C'mon, a Rolex. Not the best condition but still." "Why did you take it though?" He smirks and says "I don't know, I guess to hurt them a bit for what they did. Remind them to leave us alone, that they lost something today. I guess I've been having a bad few days, not just what happened with you and my car, I don't know. I mean, we also need the money. Hiei here faked an application at my bank to get a loan that he was going to use on eggs and snow cones, and now he's broke. So I think this covers that." Hiei interjects "My obligation to your bank is now fulfilled?" "Yeah, it will be. We got more than enough in cash to cover what's left of your loan, plus the treatment for my dad. I'll let Yukina look through the jewelry, what she doesn't want I'll take to get sold. Somewhere out of the city, maybe we all go to Yokohama for a day."
Maybe I should drop the subject. I say "Fine, I'll take it. Sometime later, tomorrow. We'll take care of stashing these documents." Exiting the car, I add "See you tomorrow." "Look forward it. And goodnight. You too Hiei." Hiei exits as well, speaking "Fair travels, Kazuma." Kuwabara waves once as we both shut the car doors and he drives away out of view.
I sigh, needing a cigarette badly. I speak "So, zoo is closed. Any ideas on how to…" And he just jumped on top of the shrub-covered wall, and is reaching out for me to grab his hand. I make a pathetic attempt to jump and reach out, easily a meter off the mark. He groans, jumps down, and…WUAH!
So he can carry all 80 kilos of me over his shoulder as if I was a sack of rice, and vault over a two story wall with ease. And we are now by the building housing the reptilian exhibit. All alone, after hours. Very strange. Hiei whispers "There is a side door. I acquired a key to it. Follow me." And he keeps the key at all times? What next strange thing is he going to reveal? I'm scared to find out.
And now I am trying not to wet my pants in more ways than one, as a very large and very well-fed crocodile bellows at me from maybe three meters away. A very faint lightbulb partially illuminates the exhibit, and I mean very partially. Hiei himself crouches by the dinosaur and whispers "Shh, shh, good Tsenzai. Peace, Akiyama is a friend." The croc moves half its body out of the sloshing water pit and onto the platform we are standing on, opening its mouth wide…oh God it smells horrible! No wonder Hiei emits such an odor…now it actual makes sense. Though…no, this is somehow a different kind of odor. Rotten meat maybe? I smile nervously and say "Yes, good croc, friend. Good friend. Please don't bite me." I'm half-ready to throw the leather portfolio into the croc's mouth to make it go away. Maybe it thinks this is food? Hell, it probably would eat it anyway. Hiei taps the top of the croc's snout a couple of times and speaks "Peace Tsenzai, peace. I promise I will come tomorrow with boar steaks. Just as you like them." He lightly smacks the top of the croc's snout again, and the croc slowly closes its mouth and moves backwards, back into the water.
"Somehow not the most insane thing I seen today," I speak, not having peed my pants. I slowly step back and hug the enclosure wall as Hiei turns toward a ventilation shaft just tall enough for him to barely reach. He takes the stolen zoo key into his right hand and uses it as a screwdriver to unscrew the screen. Holding the loose screws and the key in his left hand, he lets the screen dangle on one corner screw and prompts me to insert the leather portfolio. I bend it slightly and fit it as deep as I can into the shaft, hearing the damned croc bellow again. Hiei fastens the screws back in place and I say "Okay, that is done, now can we leave before I smell as bad as you?"