Impossible Archer C3

So I have been watching Archer and decided to update. There.

I own nothing

:Chapter Start:

France-Night-Research Facility-Weapons Grade Research facility

Inside a Research facility designed to research the affects of weapons and treatments for wounded individuals of the weapons developed which was why the crime that took place was so bizarre as a blue individual arrived with a pair of robot maids that stole what appeared to be a dangerous ray weapon only it was labelled with the English word 'Cure' on the side. Which was strange as it was right next to the Bio Weapon that was sealed and clearly marked as 'Lethal' with all the warning signs on the case.

ISIS-The Next day-Morning

Kim Possible was collecting her Identification cards and permits for all the equipment and weapons that she needed to work in ISIS and the Spy game. Kim Possible was in early as they managed to arrive in the mail that day. Kim was happy that she would not have to deal with problems as Malory even was somewhat nicer to her before she called her a tramp a couple times. Either way Kim was happy until Lana Kane arrived apparently very tired as she wanted the day off but found that she couldn't get the day off as Archer apparently told his mother about Lana's spa day and took her ten thousand dollar deposit on the most luxurious Spa in New York, she literally booked it two years prior and managed to keep it a secret until the two started arguing and Lana revealed her plans.

Malory arrived wearing a fur coat and expensive hand bag as she shouts at everyone, "All Field Agents, My office!"

With that Kim, a late Archer arriving, Ray and an angry Lana entered Malory Archer's office. Archer spoke, "So Mother, what is this about?"

Lana spoke in a sarcastic tone, "well clearly it has nothing to do with a Spa Day."

Malory continued, "Well if you must know I have three missions for everyone," with that she used her remote to activate the screen behind her and says, "Sterling, you are heading for Washington," she ignored Archer's questions as she says, "You are visiting with the head of the Secret Service," she revealed a picture of a black man Archer knows.

Archer spoke, "Wait, since when did Jeff join the secret service?"

"Since before you joined the ISIS training program, and his contract for Protecting the President has ended and he is interested in joining ISIS for the last year," Malory admits causing Lana to ask.

"What do you get out of it?"

Archer answered, "Oh, he is into older," he starts only to think hard on the end of the sentence as he has a flashback of his early college days as Jeff with an afro left a bar with both a man and a woman. Archer ended his sentence with, "People."

Lana, Ray and Kim blink before Malory continued with, "Okay, moving on. Lana and Ray you are going to France."

"ODIN's Home turf?" Ray questioned only to dodge a flying empty glass from Malory.

Malory continues, "This is a UN sanctioned mission. Thanks to Miss Possible's babysitting duties. Now, Lana, Ray you are going to the French Weapons Research Devision. Apparently one of their machines used to cause cancer was stolen last night. You two will be heading to there to collect evidence on how the thief knew what to steal." Malory made a fresh drink before focus on Kim and says, "Now Miss Possible, the UN have requested that you find the machine and return the device for the bonus reward."

Kim nods before asking, "Is there a case file?"

Malory opened her email and printed the files and says, "Apparently you are going to Greenland."

Kim looks at the file and sighs as she says, "Wow, the machine has GPS tracking. That hasn't been removed?" she questioned strangely before Malory stands.

"When you get there make sure that you don't get killed, apparently the UN expects you to go to a dinner in Switzerland in a month," Malory waved them out as she says, "Now all of you get out, because I am taking the next three days off." Malory stands and starts walking out only for Lana to stand in her way. Malory asks, "What do you want now?"

"Who is in charge while you are gone, if the four of us are not in," Lana states simply.

Malory sighs and says, "Fine. Cyril can handle the office until you and Ray get back. Sterling, after you speak with Jeff go home and have a day off," she waved him off before leaving while Kim stands.

Kim says, "Okay, Wade has organised everyone's flights so I will see you guys in a couple days." Kim quickly heads to the Research and Development floor leaving the three senior agents alone in Malory's office. Though Archer smirked and poured his mother's bourbon into a metal thermos that his mother keeps in the liquor cabinet. Lana and Ray just shake their heads before leaving Archer to robbing his mother.

With Kim Possible-five minutes later.

Kim walked into the research lab to see that the place was a mess as Kreiger was adjusting a weapon that he had been building against the twins. Who walked in after having tested their version with Brett smelling very bad as Kim covered her nose at the smell before the Twins gave Brett a new pair of pants to change into. Kim sighs at the sight before saying, "Look Dweebs I need gear for a mission to Greenland."

With that the Dweebs quickly grabbed a case and says interchanging sentences, "Well Cold Weather gear. The hair dryer is a flame thrower to melt any snow. We have also adapted your grappling hook to work better in cold weather, the dial on the side allows you to hook onto the expected surface. The gloves have retractable claws along with the shoes. Now the biggest update to your winter arsenal is this, a compact missile launcher hidden inside the thermos."

Kim nods before asking, "Well then I am off to Greenland."

The twins nodded before Kreiger adds, "and in case of an emergency I have added a special suit to keep you warm in the snow."

Kim simply says, "Thank you Krieger," with that Kim left for the flight Wade organised.

The twins sighed and handed Kreiger each on hundred dollars and Kreiger says, "Told you she would fall for it," he had a slightly leacherous smile and thanking his contact about for the hundred thousand dollars he was paid to do it for.

Greenland-International Airport-After Kim's long flight.

Kim rubs her shoulder as she exits the gate into Greenland, having already informed immigration that she was here for business. With that Kim walked through the airport into receiving to see her name on a sign held by a fit blond man with jet blue eyes and an innocent smile. The blond walks over to Kim and says, "Hello, I am Barry and I am your driver for today."

Kim raised an eyebrow and says, "I did not read anything about having a driver from the UN."

Barry laughs and says, "Well that is because I am also your contact. I work with ODIN."

"I wasn't aware that ODIN had anything to do with this," Kim spoke still suspicious as they walked to the exit.

Barry simply says, "That is because the Research Facility was not the only place robbed as ODIN had a break in at our research facility along with two of our private contracts. ODIN intercepted the UN order and sent me to assist in the retrieval of the packages."

Kim sighs and says, "Fine, but I want to know why ODIN has been saying that I joined ODIN."

Barry chuckles and says, "Well many of our contracts wanted Kim Possible and my boss got over zealous in his money making. Though no one has questioned the contracts and your lack of presence."

Kim simply says, "Then make sure your boss understands I don't take my name being used without my consent."

Barry nods before saying, "Once I get back I will do just that. For now though. How is that sack of shit Archer?"

Kim raised an eyebrow and says, "He is a bit pervy but he is doing well."

"Yeah that jerk is the reason I have thirteen pins in my leg," Barry admits before saying, "Well we have a two hour drive and then a three hour winter hike up a mountain. Anti-Air turrets have been modified to target any falling item and aircraft. We lost three agents in the process."

Kim sighs and gets into a rather cramped car that forced Kim into the front seat and barely had any heating for the drive.

Paris-France-Research Division-With Lana and Ray-two hours later

Lana and Ray arrived in France easily before taking a limo filled with alcohol as they arrived quickly at the facility and were taken straight to the Security room. Where they found Utne ready to meet them. "Ah Agent Kane, thank god you got here so quickly, it appears that the security system was accessed with a stolen Passcode Security Key that was stolen from ODIN."

Lana blinks before asking, "What can you tell us about what was stolen, by who and how?"

"Well it was a blue man with a four female robots, they destroyed a sealed chemically to contain a viral outbreak. Which is strange as they stole the equipment the facility could make a cure. They used a man made flying saucer to escape with the device." Utne answered Lana's questions the best he could before he admits, "Though the weapon was right next to the device."

Ray asks, "Okay what does the weapon do that the device is used to cure?"

"Cancer, the Bio-weapons being researched was virus that caused cancerous cells to grow and cover the body," Utne admits shocking the pair.

"The guy stole the cure to cancer!?" Lana shouts.

Ray continues, "Why didn't you tell the world about this?"

Utne chuckles and says, "Simple, so no one would use the device to blackmail cancer medication companies into paying billions, to keep it a secret. Though it was not ready the current method takes weeks to prepare for each user and takes weeks of constant engulfment of the ray."

Ray frowns before asking, "Could it do other things?"

Utne sighs and says, "Well, the ray has one current side effect that was being removed when we realised what the problem was. You see it has an Aphrodisiac affect due to long term exposure. That scientist was fired and died in a car accident after he was discovered to have been seducing the under aged cancer patient."

Lana pulls out her phone and tries to contact Kim through Wade only to groan and say, "And Kim is blocked from Wade great. Ray I am heading to Greenland when you get back handle ISIS until I get there."

"What about Archer?" Ray asks.

"Tell him to get drunk until his mother gets back," Lana says as she leaves quickly.

Ray looked at Utne and says, "Yeah, she is such a mother hen."

Greenland-After two hour drive and a three hour hike-base of mountain.

Kim sighs as she carried the case as she followed Barry surprisingly wearing full winter gear and with a small pack while Kim was wearing her normal mission gear and a winter coat with a large bag holding her spy gadgets that appeared to not be needed to get inside as Global Warming revealed a tunnel that they would need to get inside through an old mineshaft. So with Barry leading the charge walked through the area only to find the tunnel very dark. Kim followed after him as they travel into the tunnel. Kim lost sight of Barry quickly as she stepped forward only to receive a metal fist to the back of the head knocking her out.

Five hours later-Evil Lair

Kim groans from the mild concussion to find she was somewhat cold while lying on a hunk and to realise one thing as she finds her hands and feet bound and face down as she opens her eyes to see a naked Barry tied under her and naked. Kim asks, "Why are you naked?"

Barry simply says, "Well, we were captured and are currently about to be killed by the high tech laser behind you."

Kim looks over her shoulder and sees the laser while to the side is the piece of equipment was standing in the middle of a very familiar styled evil Lair. Kim groans as she hears, "AH KIM POSSIBLE YOU HAVE BEEN CAPTURED BY I, DOCTOR DRAKEN!" he laughed evilly.

Kim simply asks, "Why are we naked?"

"So you can't escape using one of those Gadgets and as you are tied to Stopable you won't be able to escape your demise," Draken revealed himself wearing a coat while his Robot women were standing around and holding suitcases. Draken spoke again, "You see while I make my escape, you will be cut in half!"

"Where is Shego?" Kim asks, only to see Draken falling to his knees in tears.

"She left me!" Draken admits before growling and says, "Don't try and distract me!" he shouts through the tears before rubbing his face before he says, "Now, my plan failed before you even arrived turns out I stole from the wrong lab," Draken then comes over with a hand held mirror to allow Kim to see the laser behind her and says, "Now, while I make my escape my high powered laser with cut both of you apart and if you think you can escape your bindings and escape," Drakon left the mirror somewhat close to where Barry's hand was 'tied' to the table, "You will freeze due to the chilling night air," he opened the windows around them that let snow come in and even made Draken shiver in the cold. Draken placed a winter hat on before saying, "Good bye Kim Possible and your dumb boyfriend!" with that Draken activated the laser which started cutting along the metal bed and slowly cut towards the pair.

The two struggled before he managed to get his hand free after Kim yelps as Barry's little Barry shifted so that tip pointed into a very dangerous point. Kim says, "Quickly untie use."

The problem was that Barry simply says, "We are bound around the waist by a titanium bar. Trust me I have done this before," as he grabbed the mirror that Draken 'forgot.' At the rate the laser was moving they had a half hour before it starts cutting into the pair. Unfortunately Barry's little Barry was still shifting for that half hour before finally the mirror was in position while Kim gasps as Barry entered her a bit too far for their position. The mirror then deflected the laser back at the laser and says, "Yeah sorry about ah, entering you to save our lives," he chuckles like a socialpath while Kim managed to free a hand and then deactivate the metal beam holding them in place. Kim goes to get off Barry who says, "Hey, we need to share body heat."

Kim found her Spy pack and opens it to find the change of clothes only to find out that the clothes was a pair of crotchless panties and a bra without any covering for her nipples. There was no way this would keep her warm.

Barry stepped over and did several naked squats as he says, "Come on, we should share some body heat you know before we freeze to death." In responce Kim grabbed her gloves putting them on before using the Flame thrower hair dryer to create a small fire to keep her warm as she walks through the lair that she realised that this was a repaired lair and find what she was looking for green bodysuits and other green clothes in a partially collapsed room and started getting dressed. Before heading back into the room to find her Kimunicator in Barry's hands as he was about to throw it out a window only for Kim to use her Grappling hook to grab it out of his hands and found something on the side that caused her to glare as she removed the jammer.

Wade appeared on the screen as he says, "Kim, what happened we lost contact the moment you arrived in Greenland."

"Draken was the thief, he left the device in an old lair ready for UN pick up," Kim answered as Barry came over intending to message her shoulders before elbowed him in the gut before kicking him in the crotch and asks, "How long for the UN to arrive?"

Wade simply says, "Twenty minutes, turns out Draken used ODIN's security clearance to get into the facility. Though How did you get to Draken's lair, your helicopter was back at the airport."

Kim says, "Barry said that anti-Air turrets were designed to target aircraft and human heat signatures."

Wade typed on the screen before saying, "Ah, Kim, that location has no such placements the closest to that was the satellite dish on the roof."

Kim blinks before she suddenly turned around and decked Barry in the face forcing him to his knees and then kicked him in the crotch. Barry groans naked on the floor and says, "Well at least I got you before Archer," only for Kim to suddenly crush one of his testicles violently before he sung soprano and was then knocked out.

It took half an hour for the UN to arrive with Lana who noticed the laser and mirror and her eyes widened before she kicked Barry in the chest as the UN officers collected the device before everyone left leaving Barry to groan on the cold mountain lair before he left easily using a hidden suit bag before he hobbled back down the mountain where he drove the car to a cargo plane ten minutes away from the mountain.

:End of Chapter 3:

What can I say, the time Barry and Lana escaped dying from a death laser was so suss it was criminal.

Until next time... BEWARE THE WRAITH!