This is something I had in my mind for some time and just never had a story to go with it. Just a reminder that I rated this story M for a reason. Also, feedback is always enjoyed and appreciated.

(xxxxx)

A few weeks went by and Spencer found that he still couldn't focus. He was angry at the world. He was angry at Emily for leaving him. He was angry at himself for not telling her how he felt about her. For letting his job get in the way of his greatest love. He visited J.J. every night to try and get through his feelings without revealing his secret, but eventually he grew tired of that. He didn't want to go there anymore. He needed to find something else to ease his pain. Seeing J.J. with Will and Henry only broke his heart more. He wanted that with Emily. Why hadn't he known all this before … before it was too late?

One night after work as he walked home, he did something he wished he could take back. Something he knew he shouldn't have done. He should've taken Morgan up on his offer to go see a movie with him and Garcia. He should've accepted J.J.'s invitation to go to dinner. He could've stayed at work and helped Hotch so he could get home to Jack. Anything other than what he decided to do.

(xxxxx)

Spencer walked into his apartment and locked the door quickly. He leaned against it as if someone was following him. After a minute he stood up and walked over to his couch. He placed the paper bag on the table in front of him and stared at it. He knew he should leave it there – better yet he should throw it in the trash can. But he didn't. He just sat there looking at it. God, he missed Emily so much. He wanted to hold her in his arms. He wanted to smell her raspberry vanilla scented soap. Her Pantene Pro-V shampoo. A tear slid down his cheek. He wanted to forget about her. He wanted to get away from this pain. He finally sat forward and opened the paper bag.

He stuck his hand in and pulled out the vial of Dilaudid and a needle. He unbuttoned the sleeve of his work shirt and rolled it up past his elbow. He grabbed a rubber tourniquet out of the bag and tied it around his arm, tying it off with his teeth. He pumped his fist a few times until he saw his veins were thick enough. He filled up the needle with the liquid and held it up into the dim light seeping through his apartment. He flicked the needle a few times before turning it towards his arm. He stared at it a moment trying to talk himself out of it, but he couldn't stop seeing Emily's smiling face. He couldn't stop hearing her amazing laugh. He was now crying as hard as he had the night she first left him. He took a deep breath and plunged the needle into his arm, injecting the liquid into his veins.
When he finished he pulled the needle from his arm and tossed it to the floor in repulsion. He grabbed the blanket off the couch and laid down to wait for the drug to kick in. He waited to disappear.

(xxxxx)

Gradually it became obvious there was something wrong with Spencer. He was withdrawing from everyone at work, easily agitated, and he was growing thinner and paler. The dark around his eyes seemed to grow larger and darker. He didn't speak up much on cases and usually needed to be coaxed into giving his opinion. This often led to sarcastic remarks or quick annoyed responses. Hotch pulled him aside a few times to try and talk to him, only to be told he was fine and just not sleeping well. Derek tried to have brother to brother talks, J.J. tried inviting him over for dinners, Penelope made him treats, Rossi offered to take him out for a few drinks, but nobody could get through to him. He kept pushing them further away. At some point they decided to have a pow-wow on what to do.

"This is serious guys. Something is wrong with Reid," Derek said leaning back in his chair. "We need to do something."

"We've all tried. What more can we do?" Rossi said.
"He misses Emily," Penelope said with empathy.

"We all do, but it's bigger than that. This loss has done something to him. It's taken a piece of him," Derek responded. "Look at him. He's always been a stick, but now he's a twig. He's not eating, he's probably not sleeping. Has anyone followed him to see where he goes after work?"

"No, why would we follow him?" Rossi asked scrunching up his face in confusion.

"You don't think …" J.J. trailed off.

"Don't think what?" Rossi asked again.

"Before you worked here we had a case where this unsub with D.I.D. managed to kidnap Reid and torture him for days. One personality would beat him senseless, the other would make him choose people to kill … or let live as Reid spun it, and the actual man would try and protect Reid. He would protect him by giving him Dilaudid. After we got to Reid he was so damaged and haunted by the case he continued to use. He was addicted to it for some time. None of us know when or how, but he was able to kick the habit, but it was a scary time. He was always snapping at us, showing up late to work, disappearing during cases," Derek explained.

"Basically what he's doing now," Rossi interjected.

"No. No! There's no way Spence is doing that again," J.J. denied.

"It makes sense Jay," Penelope said with sadness in her eyes.

"No, he … he's probably just not sleeping well. We know he suffers from insomnia. He's told us that," she said still trying to convince herself that she hadn't let down her best friend.

"Well, there's one way to find out," Derek said standing up.

(xxxxx)

Spencer squeezed the Dilaudid into his veins before tossing the needle onto the table in front of him. He grabbed his blanket and laid down on the couch waiting for the world to fade away as usual. He found himself needing more and more shots as of late. He went from only a dose or two a day to seven or eight a day. As he laid on the couch, tears dripped from his eyes. When was the pain going to stop? He suddenly heard a sound behind him. He sat up and listened again. It sounded like someone was at the door. His hearing was becoming dull, but he was sure it was the door.

He reached out and grabbed the needle and the vial and shoved it into the side table. He slowly stood up and felt his legs getting wobbly. He felt a bit like Bambi when he first learned to walk. He heard the sound again.
"I'm coming! Hang on!" he shouted, although it didn't come out as loud.

He finally made it to the door and unlocked everything including the chain and pulled it open. He was shocked to see Derek, Rossi, J.J., and Penelope staring back at him. He tried to stand up straighter so he didn't look so wasted.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked as he tried to blink away the haze.

"Can we come in?" Rossi said trying to use an air of politeness. They were coming in whether he liked it or not.
"I guess, but I was … sleeping. I'm still sort of out of it," he said running a hand through his messy hair.

"Yea you look it," Derek said with a tone of mocking.

Spencer walked over to his couch and dropped down heavily on to it. He tried to fold the blanket to make room, but was too high to do it. So he threw it behind the couch. J.J. sat on the solo chair, while Penelope sat down next to Spencer. Derek and Rossi chose to stand so they could look at Spencer better.

"What brings you guys over this late hour?" Spencer suddenly asked as he felt his eyelids growing heavier. Fuck, they needed to go. The Dilaudid was kicking in and in about 5 minutes he was going to be out cold. A fucking limp noodle.

"It's only eight o'clock Reid," Derek stated.

"Oh, it's the sun setting early thing. Throws me off sometimes," he covered.

"Look we're going to be blunt here. We're worried about you," Rossi said as he looked at Spencer's behavior. There was no more doubt in his mind that their young genius friend was on something.

"I've told you all before. I'm fine," he said as he slowly started leaning to his right.

"You can't even sit up straight!" Derek snapped.

"I can too," Spencer said as his eyes got heavier and he continued to lean limply to the right.

Penelope looked terrified, she quickly stood up and moved towards Derek.

"Spencer did you start using Dilaudid again?" Derek asked.

Spencer tried to answer, but only a mumble escaped his lips as he lost consciousness. He was now laying on the couch with his mouth open and his legs still dangling over the side. J.J. bit her nails nervously as she watched all of this. She still didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to believe that she had caused this much pain in Spencer's life.

"Maybe … maybe he took something to help him sleep?" she tried.

"Are you fucking kidding me? J.J. he's higher than a kite. Did you not see his eyes? The boy fell asleep talking to us," Derek said angrily.

"But we don't know for sure," she tried again.

Derek walked over to a sleeping Spencer and pulled at his sleeve until it was up past his elbow. Penelope gasped at the multiple needle holes that littered his elbow crook.

"Need more proof? I bet we can find the needle and the drug," he said as he started rustling through the couch. He grabbed the left end table and opened the drawer rooting around in it. He went to the other end table and slid the drawer open, his heart dropping. He pulled out a needle and six vials of Dilaudid. He turned to J.J. and dropped them onto the coffee table. He didn't say anything he just looked at her in exasperation. J.J. had moved a hand to her mouth as she began to cry. Penelope wiped at the tears that streamed down her face as well.

"So what do we do?" Rossi asked with a sick feeling in his stomach.