I know on the show when Spencer took Dilaudid it hit him immediately, but I imagine that was due to time crunch. In real life it usually takes about 15 minutes before the full effects of it kick in.

(xxxxx)

Spencer woke up and smiled. Emily was sitting in the easy chair reading a book. She had an amused smile on her lips as she turned the page gently.

"Good morning beautiful," he said sitting up.

She put the book down and turned her gaze toward him. She was smiling but his heart began to race as blood seeped from her nose, eyes, and mouth.
"Emily? Emily, what's wrong?" he said trying to get up from the couch, but he couldn't move. "Emily!" He screamed as the hole in her stomach got larger with blood everywhere. "Emily! NO!"

Spencer sat up screaming as he looked around his living room. The morning light streaming in through the windows. His heart was racing and he was completely drenched in sweat.

"Reid? What's the matter?"

Spencer jumped when he saw Morgan walking quickly toward him. He looked around the apartment confused. This was his house? Why was Morgan here? Suddenly J.J. and Garcia appeared from his bedroom and Rossi from the kitchen.
"What's going on?" Rossi asked while drying his hands with a towel.

"I should ask the same thing," Spencer said as he rubbed his eyes. Fuck, I need Dilaudid right now.

Derek looked at everyone before he sat on the coffee table facing Spencer.

"We're here to help you," Derek started.
"I don't need any help. Thank you," he said annoyed by their presence.

"Yes you do Reid. We know you are using again," Derek stated.

Spencer's eyes widened as he looked at them in silence. None of them looked judgmental, but he did see signs of pity. He hated pity.

"What?" was all he could muster.
"Don't try and play it off. We found the drugs and we got rid of it all," Derek said ready for the battle.
"What?! You did what?! Are you fucking kidding me?" Spencer shouted as he jumped up and began digging through all of his drawers. "What right do you have to come into my home and throw away my stuff?" He said frantically.

Penelope and J.J. clutched each other in despair as they watched their sweet, gentle, quiet friend go on a drug-withdraw rampage. Spencer began knocking books off the shelf to search for hidden stashes. He bolted straight for the bedroom.

"You won't find anything. We've turned this place upside down. It's all gone Reid," Derek said standing up and following Spencer to the bedroom. "You are going to hate us right now and that's fine because we will not let you destroy yourself."

"Fuck you! Fuck you, you pretentious bastard," Spencer shouted as he ran full force at Morgan to fight him. Derek easily wrestled him down to the floor. Holding him tight in his arms.
"Fight me all you want kid. This is for your own good. We love you and care about you too much to watch you destroy yourself," Derek huffed as he held the struggling Spencer.

"Spence, please," J.J. said desperately.
He stopped struggling and looked up to see J.J. and Penelope sobbing. His heart hurt to see them in such pain. What was he doing? He didn't want to be like this either. With that the anger transitioned into grief. He began to cry as Derek continued to hold him.

"It's ok man. It's ok. We are here. We've got you," he said.

J.J timidly approached Spencer. She knelt down in front of him and slowly held open her arms. Derek let go of the tight grip he had on Spencer giving him the opportunity to choose her arms. Which he did. He fell into her open arms and cried until he could barely breathe.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed again," he cried.
"You didn't fail. This is a hard time for all of us Spence," J.J. assured him.

"She would be so disappointed in me," he said in between gasps for air.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. She knows you are hurting. I'm sure she sent us to you. She wants you to heal hunny," Penelope said.

"I … I … can't … God I miss her so much," he said almost angrily. "Why did she have to die? I should have been there to protect her."
"I feel that way too. I was her partner Reid and I couldn't save her. I held her hand … I watched … I am haunted by that moment every day," Derek said wiping away a tear. "But we can't fall apart. We need each other. Do not make me lose another person I love."

Spencer nodded as he wiped his eyes. He took a few deep breaths. It was time to sober up.

(xxxxx)

By early the next morning, Spencer had begun shaking uncontrollably. His head was pounding so much he couldn't sleep and he had to change frequently from the amount of cold sweats he experienced. He stayed in his room praying for the strength to get through the next 72 hours. These were the worst days he would experience – like a flu virus times twenty. The team alternated checking on him to make sure he was alright and didn't need any major medical attention.

By mid-afternoon, Spencer was no longer found in his room, but curled up next to the toilet shivering as he spilled what little he had in his body into the porcelain bowl. At some point, J.J. had come in and wrapped a blanket over his back and brought him a cup of water. She reached out and ran her hand through his hair triggering a flashback of Emily the night they had sex.

"No! Don't touch me!" he shouted.

J.J. recoiled in surprise. He wouldn't look at her, but he knew she was hurt. How could she not be? He just screamed at her for touching him.

"I'm sorry," he said gently.
"It's … ok," she said with a quivering voice before leaving the room.

By midnight, he finally stopped vomiting long enough to go back to his bedroom. He was curled up in the comforter, but he couldn't sleep. He heard the door open and the soft pitter patter of feet.

"You ok, sweetheart?" Garcia asked from a distance.

He felt bad seeing how afraid the girls were to get close to him. He nodded his head and saw her turn to leave.

"Garcia," he said.

She stopped in her tracks and turned slowly.

"Will you stay with me for a bit? I don't want to be alone," he said feeling vulnerable.

Penelope seemed to contemplate the request, but finally nodded and walked to the end of the bed before sitting down.

"What can I do to help? I can read to you if you'd like? Or put on some music maybe?" she offered unsure what to do.
"Can I tell you something?" he said ignoring her question.
"Sure."
"You promise to keep this between us?" he asked.

"My lips are sealed," she said locking her mouth and throwing away the key.

Spencer took a deep breath. He needed to tell someone. He couldn't handle holding it in anymore.

"I love Emily … or loved," he said not sure which was the right thing to say.

"I know sweetie. We all did," she said gently rubbing his blanket covered leg.

"No, Garcia. I loved her. Like can't stop thinking about her every second of every day love. Like I would do anything to hold her in my arms again and never let her go. Like my heart is going to stop beating because she is no longer with me," he said as tears dripped from his eyes.
"Oh … oh Reid. I didn't know …" she said trailing off.
"No one did. Not even her. I never told her how I felt because I was afraid. I was a stupid coward. Just like the stupid coward I am for taking Dilaudid again. Oh God why did you have to take her? Why not me?" he said as he now openly sobbed.
"Don't say that," Penelope said as she cried along with him. Scooting closer to him on the bed, she reached out and pulled him into a hug.
"How am I going to live every day without her in it? I don't know how to breathe anymore. I don't know how to see or hear or taste anymore. It's all gone. My world is gone. It all died with her. My soul went with her. I'm just a hollow shell," he cried into her shoulder.
"I know. I know," she said holding him tightly. "But she wouldn't want this for you. She cared too much about you to watch you give up on life. Remember at the compound – remember how … how she risked her life by telling Cyrus she was the FBI agent? She did that to protect you Reid. She knew that you were in danger and she gave her life up for you. What would she be saying right now if she were here?" Penelope said as her tears now slipped silently.
"She'd probably be yelling at me," he said softly.

"Yea, she'd slap the back of your head and say 'what the hell are you thinking? Now knock it off or I'm going to kick your ass!'"

They both laughed lightly at the image, but sobered quickly.
"I know you hurt for the loss of your love. There isn't anything to stop that heartache sadly. All you can do at this point is remember all the great things about Emily and eventually your heart will heal enough to continue moving forward. Besides we need you boy wonder. Who else is going to throw random statistics and fun facts at us?"

Spencer chuckled again. They sat in silence for a few moments before Spencer moved back from their hug.

"Thank you," he said barely above a whisper.
"Any time," she said kissing his forehead. "Now get some rest. I'm going to try and get you to eat in the morning. You're too thin," she said smiling at him.

With that she stood up and left the room. Spencer laid back on his pillow and stared at the ceiling. Tonight he would allow himself to think of all the good times he had with Emily. It was time to honor the beautiful things about her … the things he loved … loves? … about her.