4 months had gone by since that night. It was hard at first. The team took turns staying with Spencer so he didn't have any slip ups. He started attending daily AA meetings when he wasn't on a case. If he had to be away, he'd call his sponsor and do meetings over the phone. Penelope had been good on her word and kept the secret he had shared with her. He never mentioned it to anyone else or brought it up again. He was feeling much stronger, but was about to be tested.

He had just finished eating breakfast when he got a text that he needed to be at the office immediately. He tossed his empty bowl in the sink, grabbed his satchel, and took off for the office. He walked off the elevator and made his way toward the conference room, where he ran into Derek.

"Happy 4 month anniversary," Derek said under his breath.

"Thank you," Spencer blushed. "I'm feeling good."

"You look good kid. I'm proud of you," he said throwing his arm around Spencer's shoulders.

They were the last two to walk into the conference room. They both took their seats, but were surprised to see Garcia sitting at the table as well.

"What's going on?" Derek asked her.

"No idea," Penelope shrugged.

"Well this can't be good," Rossi said.

Before further discussion could begin, Hotch and J.J. entered the room together. They both looked stressed and worried. J.J. seemed to be avoiding eye contact with everyone.

"I'm going to jump right into this. Ian Doyle is dead," Hotch said as the room filled with gasps.

Derek looked at Spencer who had suddenly lost all color in his face. "He had been hiding out in Austria for the past few months and returned to the states. He was found three days ago dead in an alley."

"Why was he back in the states?" Rossi asked.

"Do they know who killed him?" Garcia asked.

Hotch hesitated and J.J. stared at her feet. Neither had a second to answer when the sound of heels on the tiled floor interrupted their thoughts.

"Me."

The team turned and stared at the conference room door, jaws dropped in shock. Emily stood in the doorway looking back guiltily at them.

(xxxxx)

Emily's heart raced as she looked at her team. Derek looked at a loss for words, which was unusual. His little eyes were scrunched in confusion and pain. Penelope had tears in her eyes, but couldn't seem to move. Rossi looked surprised, but relieved. She was afraid to turn and look at the one person she missed the most. She slowly turned her attention to Spencer. He was looking at her with so many emotions it hurt to the core. She saw the anger in his eyes. Nowhere did she see happiness for her return.

Finally Derek interrupted the stunned silence. "What the hell is going on here?"

"I know you are all angry, but I made the choice to protect not only Emily, but all of you. With Doyle thinking Emily was dead he retreated from the United States no longer being a threat to our safety," Hotch explained. "It also gave us the upper hand on tailing him."

"Wait a minute … you faked her death? You knew this entire time?" Derek said angrily jumping to his feet.

"Morgan, I realize this is upsetting, but I assure you I didn't take the decision lightly," Hotch stated.

"You didn't take it lightly? You didn't think we could handle that secret?" Derek said as he paced.

"It's not that I didn't trust you, it's that I did what I thought was best. The more people who knew about this, the greater the danger," Hotch said keeping his voice calm.

"You knew too didn't you?" Spencer suddenly said interrupting.

Derek glanced at him and followed his gaze to J.J. who had tear filled eyes. She looked like a deer in headlights.

"I … I …" she stuttered as she looked to Hotch.

"I made her swear to keep it a secret," Hotch spoke for her.

"Ohhhhh, I see so she's trustworthy enough for this secret, but the rest of us had to be left in the dark. Tortured by the loss of a friend," Derek said getting more fired up.

"Again, I understand your anger, but …" Hotch said trying to calm the room down.

"There are no buts, Hotch! This is bullshit!" Derek said slamming his fists down on the back of his chair.

Everyone was stunned by his outbursts. He was not one to get too emotional and especially didn't curse at superiors.
"I know this is a lot to take in, so take all the time you need to gather your thoughts," Hotch said leaving the room for his office.

Penelope ran straight to Emily and pulled her into a hug, while Rossi walked over to greet her as well. Derek and Spencer both got up and left the room angrily. Emily followed after them.

"Morgan, Reid wait," she said as they continued to walk off.

"Emily, not right now. I need time to process this. I'm not mad at you, I'm just … I don't even know," Derek said stopping in his tracks.

"Reid?" Emily said hopefully.

But Spencer kept on walking away. He didn't even stop or turn around. He headed straight for the elevators where he walked on and disappeared. Emily and Derek watched him leave.

"You have no idea what he's been through," Derek said looking at her.

"I know and I'm sorry," she said.

With that she ran off toward the elevator to follow him.

(xxxxx)

Outside it had started to rain heavily, but Spencer didn't seem to care or notice. He walked down the fairly empty streets as the wind blew his short hair all over the place.

"Reid!"

He heard Emily calling his name, but couldn't find it in him to stop. He didn't want to see her. To face her. She had left him. He thought she was dead. He nearly killed himself due to the grief and now she was back as if nothing happened.

"Spencer, please stop!" Emily pleaded.

"What? What could you possibly say to me Emily?" he shouted as he finally stopped walking.

"I'm sorry. I know you're hurting," she started.

"You're sorry? Oh well than all is forgiven isn't it?" Spencer snapped.

"I know this isn't easy for you …"

"Easy? Of course it isn't fucking easy Emily. I thought you were dead! The whole time … the whole time you were alive and …" he couldn't gather his thoughts. He was so angry his heart racing. His hair now plastered to his forehead.

"I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to do this. I swear it was the only way to protect you," she said as tears filled her eyes.
"Emily I nearly killed myself over your loss. How the fuck did you protect me?" he shouted at her.

Emily's heart stopped. He wasn't serious was he? He didn't really try to kill himself.

"Time's up. We need to be back at the office. Back to pretending we're family," he said walking off toward the office.

Emily watched him walk away as she wiped at her rain and tear soaked face. This was going to be worse than she thought.