Hello! I am sorry for the late upload. I was having many issues with my anxiety and my ex. On the bright side, it gave me a lot of inspiration for this story. I plan to upload at least once a week from now on. I may upload again within a few days this time though.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot! Not the characters.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down one more time by focusing on my breathing.

I'm okay. No, you're not. Nothing's happening to me. But something could happen. I'm okay. No, you're not. There is no reason to be freaking out. That you know of. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

"Are you okay?"

I looked up to see Hannah Abbott watching me with concern. Hannah was a very sweet, sassy girl who spent most of her time learning about new ways to stay healthy and motivated. She had once said she wished she could live a hippie lifestyle to truly learn the meaning of life. With my generally sarcastic outlook on living, it was nice to have someone in my life who was my complete opposite to remind me how to be optimistic.

"I'm okay," I tried to give her a reassuring smile.

"It's okay if you're not."

"I know."

She examined me one last time and bent down to touch her toes. We were stretching before cross country practice after school. Since Coach Hooch had to watch the soccer teams practice, she had left Hannah and I in charge today, which basically meant Hannah was in charge unless there was an emergency because that would be the only way I would actually tell anyone what to do. Hannah was much more eager and qualified to be the boss of the other students on the team, while I was content to be more of a friendly, approachable resource, especially for the younger kids who were still adjusting to life at Hogwarts.

I tried to snap out of my thoughts and focus on starting practice, but I couldn't fight the feeling that something was about to go wrong. It wasn't long before I felt my chest tighten and I was struggling to breath.

Control it dammit. I cannot have a panic attack here. Imagine how insane everyone thinks you look. NOTHING IS WRONG!

"Hermione?" a shy, quiet child's voice came from over my shoulder.

I stopped stretching my legs using the fence next to me and turned toward the small blonde girl with pigtails patiently waiting for my response.

"Hi Sarah," I greeted Coach Hooch's daughter. I spotted the blush on her cheek and frowned, wondering if she was feeling sick again. "Everything okay?"

I lifted my hand to her forehead to check her body temperature as she nodded sheepishly.

"Draco told me to come and get you," she giggled.

It was then that I noticed the candy bar she was clutching in her hand and the blonde boy standing across the field at the entrance to the parking lot. Draco had his gym bag in one hand and his other in his shorts pocket. He also did not have a shirt on and many of the girls, younger and older, were starting to notice him and his six pack.

"Could you please deal with that idiot? He's distracting everyone," Hannah claimed glaring at Draco.

I rolled my eyes and made my way over to him. My chest was still way too tight and my heart was beating at an unhealthy, rapid pace. I begged myself to calm down, continuously reminding myself that nothing at all was wrong.

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice coming out a little sharper than I meant for it to.

Draco didn't say anything and instead looked at me for another minute.

"Draco," I was getting impatient with his antics, "what are you doing here? You have practice. You're going to be la-"

"What's wrong?" he interrupted, taking a step closer.

I immediately felt my throat tighten and a stinging sensation behind my eyes.

Why did he always notice when I was upset?

I dropped my eyes from his face, which unfortunately led to me staring at his chest since he was so close to me.

Get yourself under control. I am NOT crying in front of Draco Malfoy.

Draco dropped his gym bag and took my hand in his before using his other one to tilt my chin up. I tensed and attempted to pull away, acutely aware of how close he was and mortified by the fact that I could feel my eyes watering. I hated how worried he was about me and how he always knew when I was lying. There was no point in saying I was okay because he would just know that I wasn't. I searched his grey eyes and found a mix of concern and helplessness hidden within them. That was why I hated him stressing out about me. I couldn't tell him what was wrong because I didn't even know, so then he just worried about me without knowing how to help.

"Please tell me?" he begged, brushing my cheek with his thumb.

I had no idea what to say. He looked like it was actually physically hurting him to see me this upset and unable to do anything about it. I could convince everyone else I was fine most of the time, but Draco always knew. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell him about my anxiety or the panic attacks. I didn't think I could handle him knowing because I was afraid it would change how he looked at me. He never treated me like I was weak or fucked up. He argued with me and never held anything back because he knew I could take it. If he knew the truth though, then he wouldn't be himself around me and instead be careful because he would think I was fragile and broken. I never wanted him to believe I was broken.

Why can't I just snap out of it. He's just going to leave you like everyone else does. Just please snap out of it. You need to push him away. I'm hurting him.

Draco sighed and finally let go, taking a step away from me.

"I better go to practice," he muttered and turned towards the soccer field.

Before I could stop myself, or even consider all of the reasons why I should let him walk away, I ran toward him and grabbed his arm. When he turned to face me, I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder. One of Draco's hands immediately encircled my waist while the other rubbed my back. He kept whispering something in my ear. I still wasn't crying, purely out of sheer determination, but it felt like my head was trying to kill me and all I managed to do was close my eyes and pray my skull would stop pounding and the part of me repeating that it was wrong to trust Draco would just shut up. After another minute, I had finally calmed down a bit and could focus enough to hear what he had been saying.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

I gently pulled away, feeling exhausted suddenly.

"I'm sorry," I laughed awkwardly, rubbing my temples and taking another step backwards. "I just-"

"You're coming with me."

"Uh, no I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"Draco!" I exclaimed, completely forgetting about my earlier anxiety in favor of my current frustration. "We both have practice and Coach Hooch is going to kill us if we ditch."

"I'm the captain," he shrugged. "What's she going to do? Kick me off the team?"

"I'm happy that you're so confident in yourself, but what about me? She left me in charge."

"We both know Hannah has it covered."

I hesitated, looking at Draco's outstretched hand and wanting nothing more than to take it and ignore any responsibilities I had and to let him take me wherever he was planning to.

"I can't just leave her by herself."

"She would understand," he took a step closer to me and wrapped his arm back around me. "I promise you, nothing bad is going to happen from you skipping one practice. Coach Hooch and Hannah both love you and trust you. I know you want to come with me, so please? I really don't want to let go of you yet."

I felt my heart beat faster, in a good way this time, after hearing his last few words. I could still feel the back of my mind racing as it considered everything that could possibly go wrong from making the wrong decision.

Go with him. You're going to get in trouble. Just shut up and go with him.

I took a deep breath.

"Can I drive?"

He had not let me drive. Fifteen minutes later we were finally parked next to a small, isolated meadow filled with millions of yellow flowers.

"Where are we?" I asked as I got out of the car. I had never even heard of this area before.

"Just a nice, little place I found when I was twelve. My house is nearby."

He got out of the car and pulled a blanket out from the trunk before taking my hand and leading me farther into the field. Once he got to a spot that seemed slightly more worn, as if someone often came and sat there, he spread out the blanket and laid down, gesturing for me to relax next to him. I gingerly sat down, looking around suspiciously.

"There's probably bees here."

"Are you ever not worried about something?"

I refrained from responding, knowing the truth would just upset him. He was right though; it was a nice area. The breeze was steady, but there was enough sunlight where I didn't feel cold. The sounds of birds chirping in the trees nearby was comforting. It was honestly perfect, as if it was a place from a fairy tale.

I turned to study the boy next to me. His eyes were closed, and he was lying on his back with his arms folded behind his head. He still wasn't wearing a shirt. I rolled my eyes, knowing that had been on purpose.

Draco definitely worked out more than the average person, but he wasn't bulky. He was lean with defined abs and muscles in his arms and legs. My eyes followed the previously mentioned muscles in his arms until they landed on his face. He was so relaxed. When I saw most people relaxed and happy, a part of me envied them for being able to shut off their worries and insecurities and just enjoy the moment. I didn't feel jealous of Draco though. Seeing him so calm with the sun shining on him and making his hair seem even brighter, only filled me with a sense of content.

"Enjoying the view?" Draco smirked, keeping his eyes closed.

"I would be if there was anything to see," I quipped before leaning over him to pluck a single white flower that was growing on his other side. "Actually, I was wondering how many other girls you've brought here."

He quickly knocked the arm that was supporting my weight, causing me to fall against his chest with a yelp and the flower in my other hand. I huffed angrily and attempted to get off of him until I felt his arm around my waist again, holding me against him. I looked up at him, intending to threaten him with the flower, but fell silent at the intense look in his eyes.

Draco looked at me for a moment longer before reaching up and taking my hair tie, so that my hair fell out of the bun I had put it in earlier in the day. He then carefully took the flower from me and brushed my hair out of my eyes before tucking it behind my ear. I felt my eyes close as the back of his hand gently trailed down the side of my face before resting against cupping my neck underneath my hair. I opened my eyes again and was intently aware of how close we were, and the fact that my tank top had rode up a little so the hand that was around my waist was actually touching my skin.

"Just you," he murmured with an unreadable look in his piercing eyes.

"Don't I feel lucky then," I whispered back.

We were the only people in the meadow, but it felt like if either one of us were too loud the moment would be broken.

"You should, but I know you don't," he smirked before adjusting our position so that I was on my back, resting on his arm and he was on his side leaning over me slightly.

The hand attached to the arm behind my head began to play with my hair while his free hand found mine. He had been doing that a lot more recently. He was known for being flirty, but lately it seemed like every chance he got, especially in Advanced Arithmetic, he would hold my hand and pull me closer to him. Draco usually tried to make sure that no one else could see whenever he did it and I wasn't sure if that was for my benefit or his.

"I do," I insisted quietly and instinctively, in an uncharacteristic and brazen act, reached up and ran my free hand through his hair.

His hair was unbelievably soft and silky. Probably because he's obsessed with it, I thought to myself as my fingers continued their journey, tracing the side of his face, outlining his chin and ghosting over his lips. It was an established fact that Draco owned more hair care products than anyone else at Hogwarts. He was constantly making sure that not a single hair was out of place throughout the day. The only time he was okay with his hair getting messed up was during soccer practice.

"Why don't you ever tell me what's wrong?"

I sighed and removed my hand from his face.

"Nothing's wrong."

"That doesn't work on me, Hermione."

I tried to avoid looking at him and hoped he would drop it, even though I knew he wouldn't this time.

"I'm just scared you'll look at me differently," I finally said quietly, feeling weak and hating myself for it.

"I don't think I could ever look at you differently."

"That's not true-"

"And if I ever do," he continued as if I hadn't spoken, "it's my fault not yours. It just bothers me that I can't help you."

I moved closer to him so that the top of my head was tucked underneath his chin and he turned so that he was lying on his back again with me on top of him and both arms wrapped around me tightly. I didn't know what to say.

"You're not the only one who's scared Hermione," he whispered, holding me closer if possible. "I just don't want you to be sad anymore."

"This helps," I said, propping myself up so I could look him in the eye. "Being with you like this helps a lot. I'm not ready to talk about it though."

"Promise me that if you need me, you'll tell me? I already know I'm going to fuck up again, but I need you to know you're always important to me. I don't know why or anything, but you're so fucking important to me."

"I promise."

I was starting to feel uncomfortable with how close we were and how I couldn't stop staring at his lips, so I suddenly did the most childish, immature thing I could think of. I took a clump of dirt and grass and shoved it into his perfectly styled hair and grinned up at him, before jumping up and sprinting away into the field.

"You bitch," he shouted, laughing as he ran after me.

He caught up to me pretty fast since his legs were a lot longer than mine. I screamed as he picked me up and spun me around before we both fell to the ground. He immediately pinned my arms down and began putting dirt and grass into my hair, tickling me at the same time. My screams and threats were a lot less menacing through my laughter as I begged for him to stop. He finally stopped, satisfied with his work, and just grinned down at me.

"That's not fair," I tried to catch my breath as I spoke. "This'll take me hours to get out of my hair. That's why I keep it up dumbass."

"Your hair's nice down too," Draco said, taking a strand of it into his hand. "It reminds me of you. It's violent and wild and fun. It's how you are when you're like this and not overthinking things."

He was right. Right then, I felt breathless, happy and free. I wasn't worried or anxious at all. I looked up at Draco and gave him the first genuine smile I had all day before pulling him down into a tight hug and whispering into his ear.

"Nothing's wrong."

And this time I meant it.

"I'm going to really murder him this time. I promise."

"You've been saying that for almost two years now," Ginny said as she watched me try to untangle myself from my desk after Advanced Arithmetic. "I think he's going to live a long, happy life."

I grumbled more to myself and grabbed the scissors from my desk, planning to cut myself loose. I had been engrossed in a book for the last fifteen minutes of class and somehow Draco had managed to use that opportunity to tie me to my desk using my shoelaces without me knowing.

Before I cut the laces, I noticed a small piece of paper tucked into my shoe. I unfolded the note to reveal a message from Draco in his familiar elegant handwriting.

Good luck today. You've got it covered. Also just pull the left lace. – D.

"What's that about?" Ginny asked, reading the note over my shoulder.

I pulled on my left shoelace and grinned as I was finally able to detach myself from the leg of the desk. After retying my shoe, I answered Ginny.

"He's talking about the elections for Interact after school. I'm kind of nervous about it."

"You'll be fine. I don't think anyone's even trying to run against you. Plus, everyone with a brain knows that you deserve to be the president more than anyone else. That club is exhausting, and you always go to every meeting and all of the charity events to help out. No one else can say that."

She's right. Nothing is going to go wrong. You're probably not going to get it. Yeah, I will. There's no reason I won't.

I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves.

"You're right, there's nothing to worry about."

Later that day, I was sitting next to Ginny in the classroom that Interact usually met in. I was still way too nervous and felt like something was definitely about to go wrong. I had kept Draco's note from earlier in the day and repeatedly unfurled and read it to reassure myself that everything was fine.

That was when Lavender walked into the room and announced that she was also running for president.

"Oh, hell no," Ginny got up and made her way over to the blonde. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Anyone's allowed to run," Pansy smirked from next to Lavender.

"Did I ask you Puggy? Why are you even here?"

"I'm here to vote. For Lavender of course."

"How?" I managed to choke out with my eyes still fixed on Lavender.

"I paid the club dues and went to a meeting at the beginning of the year."

"But, I don't think-"

Before I could finish questioning her ability to vote for Lavender when she wasn't even really a member of the club, I noticed the tall ginger boy standing behind her.

"Ron?" I said softly, confused as to why my best friend wasn't at least staying impartial right then. "What are you doing?"

"Um, Lavender asked me to vote for her. She asked me and I asked Harry last night. I'm so sorry Hermione."

I felt my anger growing, as well as another painful headache. I could not believe this was happening. Ron wouldn't meet my eyes and instead was staring at the ground.

"You're fucking campaigning for her?" I hissed angrily. "She's barely gone to anything for this club and you know it. And now she's asking you and Harry to do her dirty work? What the fuck is wrong with you two?"

"I-" Ron began to protest desperately before Lavender cut him off.

"Come on Ronald. If she can't take some good-natured competition, it's better that she gives up anyway."

I watched as Lavender took his arm and began to lead him away.

"Grow a spine Ron," I muttered, knowing he had heard me.

The elections went by in a blur. I didn't fully focus on what was happening because I knew I was losing. Lavender had gone around and asked multiple people in the club to vote for her last night. I didn't ask anyone to vote for me. I didn't think I needed to, assuming that my opponent would just ask for people to vote for her based off of our speeches and experience. As Ginny had mentioned earlier, there was no way Lavender could have beat me based off of merit.

It didn't matter. Once the ballots were counted, it was revealed that I had lost by two votes. I noticed Ron and Harry looking guilty while Lavender and Pansy squealed happily.

"Are you okay," Ginny whispered, trying not to draw attention to us. I kept an impassive look on my face as I turned to her.

"I need to go to Draco. Right now."

"Go," Ginny urged, nodding understandingly. She didn't quite know what our relationship was, neither did I to be honest, but she knew I needed him right then. "I'll cover for you."

"Thanks."

I barely kept myself from running down the hallway as I made my way to the parking lot. I needed to get to Draco. That was the only thing I knew for sure right then. I needed to get away from everything else and get to Draco.

I did my best. It's not my fault. Everything's okay. I am likable and it's not my fault I lost. You can say goodbye to any decent college you were planning to go to. Why would they even want you? It's not my fault. This isn't the end of the world. No it's not, but you know that. This just proves that your parents are right. You're not good enough.

I felt like screaming at myself to stop thinking. I was going insane.

Where the fuck is Draco?

He should have gotten out of practice by then and would be by his car. He didn't usually leave without saying bye to me. As soon as I got out of the large, double doors of the school I scanned the parking lot. I quickly spotted the familiar red Ferrari and a boy with blonde hair next to it. I breathed a sigh of relief and ran towards him. In the back of my mind I registered that Draco was talking to three other guys, but I didn't look at them closely enough to determine who they were and, quite honestly, I didn't give a fuck. The moment I had left the classroom after Lavender had been announced as president, there had been only one goal in my mind: to get to Draco Malfoy, and it was now right in front of me. Nothing else mattered.

We can go to the meadow and everything will feel okay again.

I reassured myself, intending to go to him and grab his hand. That was before I heard a voice that made me freeze in my tracks.

"Malfoy's got a thing for that Hermione bitch," Adrian taunted. "You should see the way he's constantly waiting for her after class and following her around like a pathetic puppy. I wonder how his mom would react if she knew he dumped Pansy for some poor girl."

"Watch your fucking mouth Pucey. Hermione's just a friend," Draco practically growled.

"Draco is that true. Do you like her?" Marcus asked quietly.

There was something unsettling about Marcus Flint. He wasn't an outright, disgusting creep like Adrian, but there was something equally disturbing about him that normally made me avoid him as much as possible.

"She's nothing Draco. If you want her, then you're not with us anymore and all those connections we talked about will be gone. It's nothing personal, Hermione seems like a good kid, but she's made for someone like Potter or the Weasley twin. She's just not good enough for us and I don't want her thinking she is," Marcus said with little to no emotion.

Theo looked extremely uncomfortable next to the three boys and repeatedly opened his mouth as if to interrupt Marcus' assessment of me before deciding not to. It was then that he and Adrian both saw me walking up behind Draco. Adrian smirked wickedly before turning back to Draco.

"Yeah, Draco," Adrian mocked, "tell us what you really think about Hermione?"

Theo's eyes widened.

"Draco-"

"I don't want her," Draco snapped, completely ignoring Theo. "Why would I want her? She's ugly, stupid and annoying. Hermione and I argue all the time. She may have a thing for me, but she's just a game to cure my boredom sometimes. We're not even really friends. I know she likes me, but I've never liked her. In fact, I pretty much hate her. She's disgusting."

"DRACO!" Theo finally shouted, pointing behind the blonde.

"What?" Draco yelled, turning around. He froze when he saw me standing there. He instinctively began to take a step towards me but stopped when he saw my murderous expression.

"Hermione, I didn't-"

"Know I was here? Yeah, I figured that out." I interrupted. As cold as it was outside, my voice was much colder.

I expected to feel like my heart was broken and to have tears streaming down my face. However, the part of me that was controlled by my anxiety and usually made me feel weak and scared had been beaten into submission by the other side of me. The side that was frustrated with everything in the world and had turned to Draco for some kind of reassurance that not all people were shitty. That side of me was absolutely pissed.

"Let's go," Draco said softly. "We can talk about things in the car."

For the first time ever, he looked slightly afraid of me. His eyes were a cloudy grey, reflecting a mix of emotions. Sadness, fear, pleading. It was all there. He knew that this time I couldn't forgive him. He wasn't moving towards me and trying to lead me to his car like he normally would have. Instead, he was keeping his distance as if he thought I might actually kill him this time. Which was a distinct possibility.

I looked at Draco, Adrian and Marcus intently after determining that Theo had nothing to do with what had just transpired.

"Listen to me carefully," I said with barely restrained rage, "the three of you will stay away from me until we all graduate. I do not want to ever talk to any of you again. I do not care about joining your little group, I never have. You will also tell Pansy and Lavender to leave me alone. If you don't leave me alone, I will make your lives a living hell. All three of you know me, and you know I'll manage to do it if I really want to. So, I suggest that you don't make me want to. Have I made myself clear?"

I waited until I received a scared nod from Adrian, who was most likely recalling how it felt when I punched him in the face, and a thoughtful one from Marcus before I turned away and headed toward my car. I heard footsteps behind me and prepared myself to hurt Draco. I always threatened to do it, but I knew for sure if he had followed me, I wouldn't stop myself this time.

"He's sorry."

Theo fell into step beside me as he walked me the rest of the way.

"Doesn't matter. I told him to never do something like that again. I don't know him anymore. I don't know if I ever did."

He stopped me from getting into the car and I was too angry at everything else to even fully acknowledge the fact that this boy was touching Jesse.

"You definitely know him. He cares about you so much Hermione. He would probably do anything for you."

I smirked coldly and gently pushed him out of the way. While he was annoying me, Theo wasn't why I was angry.

"The only thing I want from Draco, is to be left alone."

Theo shook his head sadly, finally letting me get into the car and closing the door behind me. I sank into the car seat and blasted the heater. The weather had been so unpredictable lately. One day it would be warm and the next it would be close to freezing. Today it was way too cold. I felt numb all over and I didn't know if it was because of the icy weather or because of what had happened.

I took deep breaths and tried to make the pulsing feeling in my head stop. Searching the middle console desperately, I finally located some ibuprofen. I turned the small bottle over to look at the dosages on the back.

Do not take more than two capsules.

I quickly dumped four of the little pills into my hand and swallowed them, breathing shakily. My chest was tightening, and my head was still pounding as if someone was hitting the back of my head with a hammer.

It's all in your head. Please calm down.

I felt the tears finally stream down my cheeks and I started sobbing as I begged myself to just stop worrying for more than an hour. I felt trapped in my own head and I wanted to stop constantly thinking. I wanted to just be happy like I used to be when I was younger, and I wanted to be that perfect girl my parents remembered me as when I was growing up. The girl my sister still was. I wanted to stop disappointing people. I wanted this heavy feeling in my chest to go away so that I could breathe again. I wanted my head not to hurt to the point where I couldn't even study anymore. I wanted everything to just stop for once.

Please just let it stop.

I lost track of the amount of time I spent crying in Jesse, but it must have been hours. I knew my parents would be angry at me for coming home late so I sent them a quick text saying that I had been held up at school doing homework before I angrily dried my eyes.

I'm okay. No you're not. I don't give a fuck. I will pretend I'm okay because I'm not a weak, whiny bitch and I've never needed anyone.

I finally started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, repeating to myself that I didn't need anyone and trying to breathe slowly. If I had been less distracted by my own thoughts, I would have noticed the red Ferrari that only left the school parking lot after I did.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Remember to favorite/follow and review to let me know what you think!