Hello! This chapter is a little bit shorter because it felt like a good spot to stop. The next chapter will most likely be a lot longer though and will be told from Draco's point of view instead!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, only the plot.
"You should let him go."
I sighed and turned another page in my book trying to ignore Ginny for as long as I could. The two of us were at a table in the courtyard eating lunch and waiting for Luna and Padma. We had been sitting in comfortable silence until Draco, Harry and Ron sat at a table near us.
"You grumble every time you see him," Ginny insisted, ignoring my hint that I wasn't in the mood to talk.
"I'm mad at all three of them," I argued.
It had been a month since the incident. The only person who knew any of the details about it was Ginny. She had tracked me down and nagged me until I finally told her most of it, leaving out the part where I cried in my car for a couple of hours. Over the next few days, I had avoided Draco as much as possible. It didn't matter though since he didn't even try to talk to me. In fact, when I asked Seamus to resume sitting in his original seat in Advanced Arithmetic, Draco had just walked in and stopped for a moment in the middle of the classroom. There was hurt written all over his face. I ignored the part of me that wanted to go to him and had just remained impassive, watching as Draco went to his old seat in the back of the class without a word. Since then, the two of us had barely interacted, choosing to be in the same room only when absolutely necessary and never directly acknowledging the other.
"But you mostly complain about him."
"Well, when he acts like a bitch, then I should be allowed to complain about him like a bitch. Why are you bothered by it anyway? You love when I'm bitchy."
"True," Ginny tossed her hair over shoulder before winking at the group of guys that were sitting at the table across from us.
Ginny and her girlfriend had broken up a couple of weeks ago. She dumped Mallory after hearing that she was planning to break up with Ginny. I had told her to just wait and see what would happen, but after angrily saying something about how no one made a fool out of Ginny Weasley, their relationship ended. A week later, we found out that it had just been a rumor and now the two of them hated each other.
"See there's a problem with you hating him so much though. I trashed Mallory all the time until I realized that after almost a year of dating, I wasn't even close to loving her. Now, I still don't like her, but I don't have a reason to complain about her anymore because I'm not hurt. You're still bothered by Draco a lot though and it's been like a month."
She thoughtfully stole another M&M from my bag and popped it into her mouth, ignoring my glare. She knew I was very protective over my food, especially when it involved chocolate, but she still chose to steal bits of my lunch all the time. Deciding to just let her steal my food if it kept her from talking about Draco, I turned back to my book and was able to focus on reading until I heard a loud gasp. I looked up to find Ginny wide eyed and pointing at me.
"OH DEAR GOD, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH DRA-"
I luckily interrupted the rest of that sentence by aggressively stuffing the last twenty M&Ms into her mouth.
"Nothing to see here. Just two friends sharing a bag of M&Ms," I said, hoping to reassure a few of the younger students staring at us that I wasn't trying to murder the red head with chocolate.
Ginny took a few seconds to chew and swallow the multicolored candy before finally speaking again.
"They definitely didn't buy that."
"Ginevra."
"Fine, maybe you're not in love with him," Ginny conceded. "You definitely like him a lot though."
"I never said that."
"You never denied it."
"I'm denying it now," I snapped, quickly growing frustrated with our conversation. "Look, I liked Draco as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. It doesn't matter though because I don't like him at all now. I complain about him because he's an ass and his presence on earth upsets me. There is no deeper reason. Got it?"
"Got it," she nodded an affirmative and went back to mentally undressing the boys in front of us. I eyed her suspiciously for a minute longer before I was satisfied that she would at least drop it for now. I relaxed and began reading again.
"So, can I be maid of honor at the wedding?"
"If you don't shut up I swear to God I will-"
"Hermione?"
My tirade was interrupted by Harry Potter, who was standing behind me sheepishly with a chocolate bar as a peace offering.
"Chocolate. Really? That's the best you've got?"
"You don't want it?"
"I didn't say that," I muttered, grabbing the chocolate bar and turning back to Ginny. "We're done talking about this."
"No, we're not," she sang after me as I walked to an empty table to have some privacy when I talked to Harry.
We sat down and Harry just looked at me through his glasses nervously. He wasn't saying anything and had probably hoped to talk to me when I was in a better mood.
"You have until I finish my candy," I said. "So, I'd start talking if I were you."
"I'm sorry."
"That was implied by your little gift."
Harry sighed frustratedly before running his fingers through his hair.
"I just. I mean I don't. Well-"
"The chocolate is done, and I guess so is this sorry excuse for a conversation." I got up and was about to leave when he finally got a complete sentence out.
"I wasn't getting over you, Hermione," Harry confessed. "I wanted to so much because you like Draco."
"I DO NOT LIKE-"
"My point is," Harry wisely chose to interrupt, "even if you don't like anyone, you definitely don't like me, and it doesn't look like you ever plan to."
I fell silent at that. He wasn't wrong. I tried to have feelings for Harry multiple times over the past two years, but I just couldn't. He was familiar and comfortable, and I did love him, but it was all just platonic. Unfortunately, I already knew that if I dated him it would just end in us breaking up because I wasn't attracted to him as anything more than a friend.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, feeling slightly guilty.
"There's literally nothing for you to apologize for," Harry shrugged. "You're likable. That's not really your fault. But I started talking to Lavender about it and we got really close because of it. I basically thought maybe I liked her instead of you eventually. So, when Ron asked me to vote for her, I said yes, but that isn't an excuse and I should have talked to you about it instead of acting like everything was okay-"
"Harry, I miss you."
The boy sitting next to me immediately stopped rambling and stared at me in shock. Sentiment tended to make me uncomfortable a lot of the time, so I didn't usually offer up my emotions so freely.
"I miss you too."
"Then let's just try to not let something like that happen again and go back to normal? Besides, I've fucked you over before and, like you constantly remind me, I owe you for that. So how about I forgive you for this and you forgive me for the whole ignoring you for a couple of months thing and we can just be even?"
Harry broke out into a large grin as he pulled me out of my chair and into a tight hug.
"I forgave you for that a long time ago, Hermione."
I smiled up at him and assured him once again that everything was fine, making plans to see him later in the day. I watched as he made his way back to Draco and Ron and began to tell them what happened. Silver eyes connected with mine and I immediately dropped my gaze, breathing unsteadily. I knew that if Draco got a good look at me, he would notice that the smile plastered on my face didn't quite reach my eyes.
What I had told Harry wasn't a lie. I did miss him, and I did want things to just go back to normal. I didn't trust him though. I actually didn't trust anyone anymore. I even held Ginny, Luna and Padma at arm's length nowadays. I wasn't angry at Harry or Ron; I was just tired. Tired of getting hurt and fighting with myself whenever I let someone get closer to me. After the Interact meeting and my conversation with Draco last month, I had just decided it was better to have no one really know me than to get hurt again. I didn't blame any of them and I accepted Harry's apology. I just didn't want to be the same trusting person anymore. It only made my anxiety worse and I figured it was better to just give up and accept that I couldn't feel close to anyone without worrying about getting hurt. Those concerns were too much for me to handle now.
I sat down next to Ginny and opened my book again.
"You okay Mione?"
She knew I hated it when anyone called me that. My name was three syllables. Not two. Three.
"I'm fine," I grumbled, "I forgave him and whenever Ron asks for me to, I'll forgive him too."
"You don't need to forgive any of them you know."
"I don't like holding grudges."
"What they did was pretty shitty."
"I know."
Ginny thought for a moment before realizing I had left someone out.
"You're not going to forgive Draco?"
I shook my head.
"I can't," I choked out, "not this time."
Ginny nodded and chose to change the subject, knowing that I didn't want to figure out my feelings right then, or ever really. Her hand found mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Well in my experience, the best way to move past someone is to get under someone else."
"I don't think I like where this is going."
I attempted to close my book and escape from our table, but Ginny quickly snatched my book out of my hand and sat on it.
"Sit your ass back down," Ginny demanded, "besides, there's Luna and Padma."
I narrowed my eyes and slowly took my seat again as the other two girls joined us.
"Get your ass off my book."
"Uh, what's happening?" Luna asked, watching our exchange nervously.
"I am trying to set up our dear friend Hermione with the boy of her dreams. Now will you please hear me out?"
Realizing there was no way that I would be able to leave the table with my book, I sighed and motioned for her to continue meddling in my love life.
"Now, I've determined a number of suitable boy toys for you to consider."
"I don't think people are supposed to be used as toys."
"Nonsense," she waved her hand, dismissing my concerns. "Let's focus our attention on the new boys. You don't know them well yet, therefore they haven't had the opportunity to fuck things up."
"She makes a valid point," Padma agreed, while Luna nodded along.
"Okay," I managed to say, rubbing my temples. "Who do you have in mind?"
Ginny's eyes lit up with excitement at the possibility of setting me up with someone.
"Okay, what about Dean Thomas? I think he's been flirting with you for months. I would let that boy do whatever he wanted to me."
"He's nice," I decided after a bit of consideration. "He moved here at the beginning of the school year, right?"
"Yeah," Luna interjected, "but I'm pretty sure he gave Susan Bones a bunch of gifts on Valentine's Day. I don't think they're dating yet, so if you want to fight Susan for him be my guest, but I wouldn't."
Ginny looked at me hopefully.
"I'm not interested enough to do that, and Susan could flatten me easily. So that's a definite no, Ginny."
"Fine. What about Finnigan?"
"No thank you."
"Longbottom?"
"Nope."
"I'm running out of people, Hermione."
"Then my plan's working."
Ginny glared at me and pulled up something on her phone. I managed to glance over her shoulder at the title before she hid the screen from me.
Potential Boys for Hermione
"You made a list," I stated in disbelief. "Why on earth did you make a list?"
"Because I am committed to finding you love!" Ginny defended herself.
"You've lost your mind."
"Because I'm a great friend?"
"No, because you made a fucking list of boys to pimp me out to!"
"I am not a pimp!"
"Guys," Padma stopped our argument before it could get any worse. "We all have the common goal of finding Hermione a competent boy. There's no reason to fight about it. Is there anyone else on the list?"
"Just some Italian guy. I haven't found out his name yet or anything, but I've heard he's nice, funny and on the track team. He's also apparently pretty attractive."
I rolled my eyes and held out my hand for my book. Ginny reluctantly got up and let me take it from her.
"As much as I love all of you for trying so hard to set me up," I began, "if something were going to happen between me and someone else, it's better that it happens naturally. Right now, I don't even know if I want to be with anyone. But thank you Ginny for being more devoted to finding me a boyfriend than a normal, sane person."
"Hey!"
"Now if you all will excuse me; I have to go turn in this library book because I'm less interested in reading it after Ginny's ass was on it for a significant amount of time."
"That book should feel honored," Ginny grinned up at me.
I chuckled and waved goodbye to the three of them before heading back into the school.
"Hey you."
I momentarily stopped perusing the bookshelves of the library to acknowledge the tall, ginger boy that bumped into my shoulder.
"Hello, Ronald."
"Don't be like that Mione."
"I have plenty of reason to be like that," I asserted, glancing at the brief summary written on the back of a book before putting it back on the shelf.
"You're getting back into reading?" Ron asked, watching my movements with mild surprise.
"I'm trying to."
"How many have you gotten through?"
"None," I muttered, frowning as I replaced another book. "I get through more than half of most of them before I stop."
"Your head's still hurting isn't it?"
"I'm fine," I snapped and finally gave him all my attention. "You're here to apologize right?"
"That's right."
"Fine, I forgive you."
"Um, why?" he asked suspiciously.
"Because I'm not interested in holding a grudge."
"Well, I'm not complaining," he grinned before pulling me into a hug.
I smiled back, feeling slightly uncomfortable. What Ron had done hurt me almost as much as Draco. I used to trust the boy in front of me with almost everything. He had been my closest confidante. I never went into details, but he knew about the anxiety, the panic attacks and the headaches. But, I knew that his priorities were different now. If it was between me and Lavender, he would choose her. I understood that when you dated someone, you normally sided with them, but I had hoped that since it was between me, his best friend, and his possible girlfriend, he would at least remain impartial. I knew now that I was wrong.
"So, you and Lavender?" I asked, feigning enthusiasm.
"Yeah," he smiled happily, "I told her I liked her, and she said she needed some time to think about it, but we've been hanging out a lot ever since so I'm optimistic."
"That's good then."
"You should give her a chance. I know she's a lot sometimes, but if you just apologize then she'll stop, and you guys can go back to being friends. You were getting pretty close right?"
"Yeah," I managed to spit out through clenched teeth. "We'll see."
What the fuck do I need to apologize for?
"Why don't we talk about something else for now?"
"Alright," Ron said mischievously, "what about Draco?"
"What about him?"
"He misses you."
"I really don't believe that," I snapped, shoving a book back onto the shelf a little too aggressively before grabbing a different one.
Ron's expression suddenly morphed from teasing to concerned when he realized I was completely serious. He was the only person who knew how important Draco had been to me, even though I had never verbalized it.
"Do you love him?"
My grip on the book tightened. There it was. That was the question I dreaded. I had heard it from multiple people over the past couple of years as a joke, but Ron was being sincere. I kept my eyes glued to the book in front of me and finally let the truth slip out. Keeping it to myself was too exhausting.
"I don't know. Maybe."
For once, Ron didn't gloat or tease me at all. He just looked sad.
"He could feel the same way?"
"Doubtful," I sighed. "I was just a game, Ron. That's it."
"You don't really believe that?"
"I believe what he said because there's no good reason to lie."
Ron fell silent and followed me to the front of the library to check out the five books I had decided to take with me.
"Maybe I should set you up with someone else?"
"You and your sister are more similar than I thought."
"Why would you say that to me?" Ron groaned as we made our way up the stairs outside the library to our next class.
I was so distracted by my conversation with Ron and my attempt to carefully arrange my books in my bag while I climbed the staircase, that I didn't even realize there was a group of boys talking to each other at the top of the stairs.
"What the hell?" said a surprised voice.
I watched in horror as my books went flying out of my arms back down the stairs after I bumped into one of the broad-shouldered boys in front of me. The only reason I hadn't cracked my skull open against the marble floor was because Ron grabbed my arm to stabilize me.
"What do you mean what the hell? What are you even doing just standing in front of-?"
My indignant response was cut off when I looked up into a pair of green eyes. My eyes wandered a little more as I took note of his olive skin, dark hair and lean figure. There was something strangely familiar about the boy in front of me.
"Hey, I'm sorry man. Hermione this is the new kid. Or I guess he isn't new anymore, he moved here at the beginning of the school year," Ron introduced us.
The boy's face lit up in recognition and he broke into a broad grin.
"Hermione Granger. Long time no see. I was beginning to think you didn't actually go here."
A few more seconds passed before I was able to retrieve a faint memory from what felt like a lifetime ago. I remembered holding my breath as the boy in front of me leaned forward, and then pulling away from him at the last minute and ignoring the slightly disappointed expression on his face. I also remembered feeling noticed and special. There were no complicated emotions or expectations from other people influencing whether or not we should be talking. It had just been two teenagers getting to know each other during a walk home.
I relived those simple, sweet feelings that this boy gave me more than a year ago in France and easily returned his smile.
"Hi Blaise."
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