Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot.
One week later and Draco was still trying to figure out how to go about apologizing to a certain bookworm without getting killed in the process. He'd considered texting her, but Hermione would just ignore anything he said over the phone.
He paced back and forth in his living room as he rehearsed for the hundredth time what to say if he got the chance to talk to Hermione again.
I'm sorry Granger. I'm an idiot and you have every right to be mad at me. I wasn't trying to make you feel embarrassed about being a virgin. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I think it's nice that you're waiting for marriage. I know I'm not the kind of person you would want to lose your virginity to, but maybe we can go on a few dates and see where it goes from there?
Something told him his apology wasn't good enough. Draco didn't even think he was apologizing for the right reason. The truth was he didn't really know why she was so mad at him.
Also, the idea of dating Hermione was unappealing to Draco. Not because it was her, but because he just didn't want to date anyone. He wasn't a huge believer in falling in love and Hermione seemed like the kind of person who gave all of herself to a relationship and would want him to be kind and loving in return. Draco definitely did not fit that criteria. He was first and foremost an ass. It was just easier to avoid caring about other people than to give them the chance to use him. Draco learned that the hard way.
Regardless, the fact that Hermione was a virgin pretty much eliminated any chance Draco had of having sex with her. The chances of her agreeing to casual sex in the first place were impossibly low, but now they were nonexistent. He figured he could deal with going on a couple of dates though and maybe get to at least second or third base with her. That would hopefully be enough to satisfy whatever prevented him from being with anyone besides her.
Deciding to give up trying to understand Hermione, Draco walked into his room and looked at the book on his desk apprehensively. It was light blue with gold leaf engravings in the cover. If she knew he took the little book after she dropped it at work a week ago, she would most likely attempt to kill him with it. He didn't know it was a diary when he took it hostage, but ever since he realized what it was, he couldn't ignore the little voice in his head that kept trying to convince him to read it.
She never has to know.
But if she ever found out, he'd be dead in seconds.
Draco spun around and walked into the living room when he heard the sound of the front door swinging open to reveal a slightly wet Theo.
"Where have you been?" Draco asked sharply.
"Hello to you too," Theo responded, taking off his raincoat. "I just got back from dinner with Ron and Dean."
"Oh," Draco said before resuming his pacing.
Theo just watched the frustrated blonde walk in circles for a bit longer. After a suitable amount of time passed, he decided to speak.
"Don't you want to ask me how dinner was?"
"I can't say I really care Theo."
"Alright," Theo shrugged. "It involved Hermione, so I thought you might like to know."
Draco immediately stopped moving and faced the other boy again.
"What would I like to know?"
"Hermione called Dean at the end of dinner and she was really drunk. He left a little early to find her."
"Why would I care about that?" Draco muttered.
"Just thought you might find it interesting."
"Well, I don't."
"Alright then," Theo nodded, walking into the kitchen to get a drink from the fridge.
It only took a few seconds for Theo to hear Draco mutter a string of curse words under his breath before he grabbed his own coat and keys and stomped towards the exit.
"She's at the Hogshead around the corner." Theo said smugly as he left the apartment.
Draco's only response was to hold up his middle finger, slamming the door shut behind him.
The Hogshead was a well-known bar at NYU. It was where most college students went to drink before going to football games. It was obvious that tonight was one of the bar's more popular nights. There were drunk frat boys and sorority girls all over the place. Each one was holding a beer and laughing loudly. A few were chugging their drinks while others cheered them on. The entire room smelled like alcohol, sweat and general body odor, causing Draco to shudder in slight horror when he walked in.
Draco typically avoided bars, preferring to go to parties if he went out because there was usually a lot more room. He didn't like the idea of strangers touching him, and at bars it was inevitable that someone would accidentally spill their drink or throw up on him.
"Hey," a red-haired girl with enormous breasts said, grinning up at him and wrapping her hand around his arm.
Draco winced at the thought of her most likely alcohol drenched fingers touching his expensive, designer coat. He hated it when random people came into contact with him or his clothing without his explicit consent. Some people called it being neurotic, but he liked to think he was just being normal and everyone else was weird.
"Can I help you?"
"You could buy me a drink?"
"Uh, well-"
"I won't take no for an answer," she winked.
Instead of responding, Draco desperately scanned the bar for the girl he came here for. Finally, Draco spotted Hermione sitting at a table in the corner across from Dean and let out a sigh of relief.
"Sorry, I'm busy."
He shrugged off the girl and quickly made his way through the crowd to the two familiar faces he'd seen across the room.
"Granger," he greeted, taking the empty seat next to her. "Thomas."
"Malfoy?" Dean asked, slightly shocked and confused. "What are you doing here? This doesn't seem like your kind of place."
Hermione just eyed him warily, the wheels turning slowly in her alcohol addled brain.
"Was Theo with you at dinner?" she asked Dean.
"Yes?"
Hermione let out a loud groan and faced Draco again.
"He gave you my schedule too, didn't he?"
Well so much for leaving Theo out of it.
"You're a lot smarter when you're drunk aren't you?" Draco asked mockingly. "It's really a testament to how stupid you are normally."
She shot him a glare and grabbed a shot from the tray in front of her. Before she could drink it, Draco snatched it from her grasp and took a sniff. It was vodka.
"You really should stop drinking so much, Granger."
"You really should stop following me around, Malfoy," she quipped and then proceeded to ignore him, taking another shot. "Do you have a death wish? Is that why you're here?"
"I don't think you have the ability to even walk straight beautiful, much less kill me."
Draco was pleased with himself when he saw her tense after he called her 'beautiful.' It made him happy knowing when he unnerved her.
"Malfoy, get lost," Dean snapped. "I can take care of her myself."
Draco paused his conversation with Hermione for a moment to disinterestedly glance at the other boy sitting at the table. His tone was harsher than was warranted. Draco had done a lot of things to piss people off, but he couldn't remember doing anything specific to make Dean angry in the past.
He slowly grinned as he came to a realization. While those rumors about Hermione and Dean having sex over the summer weren't true, it looked like they weren't completely false either. It was obvious from the way the other boy kept glancing worriedly at Hermione, and jealously at Draco after he called her beautiful, that he liked the frizzy haired brunette. Judging from the way he kept shifting nervously in his chair whenever she accidentally brushed against him, Dean liked her a lot. And Draco effectively ruined their little private moment together. He wondered if Hermione knew this delightful piece of information.
"As much as I would love to fulfill your fantasy of having a drunk Granger all to yourself," Draco drawled lazily, "I think I'm going to stay and make sure she gets home safe."
Dean's eyes widened in shock before he narrowed them threateningly.
"You better be quiet Malfoy or I'll-"
"You'll what?" Draco snarled. "What'll you do Thomas?"
"Keep talking and you'll find out."
"Oh really? Well, in that case-"
"SHUT UP!" Hermione finally shouted. "BOTH OF YOU JUST SHUT UP! I swear you're both acting like children. What are you even arguing about? You barely know each other at all! You've probably only talked to each other once or twice in your entire life! Just fucking apologize to the other person and act your own age."
"Speaking of apologizing," Draco began, ignoring everything else she said. "Granger, I-"
"I said shut up."
"But-"
"Shut. Up."
"I'm trying to-"
"I don't want to hear your apology Malfoy!" Hermione growled angrily, taking another shot of vodka. "I already know you have no idea why I'm upset, so don't even bother trying."
"Well I can take a guess," Draco said.
"You know what? Instead of guessing and making me even more mad, how about I just tell you? I don't like talking about how I'm a virgin after having a three-year long relationship. The fact that I'm a virgin doesn't bother me, but the fact that I'm one after being with someone for three years does. Then everyone always assumes I'm a prude, or that he was abusive, or that I'm waiting for marriage when the truth is, I don't fucking know why I didn't have sex with him. I don't like explaining myself about this and I don't know why I should even have to. And if I can't give a good enough reason, people assume something's wrong with me. So, I don't talk about it, but then everyone believes I've had sex with all these different people instead because Lavender told everyone that Blaise and I fucked when we didn't. And it's ridiculous because then that's all people care about and they think I'm a slut." She finally put down the shots and turned to face Draco. "You know why I decided to give you a chance Malfoy? It's because you just wanted me. You didn't seem to care if I had sex with anyone else. You just wanted me. But then you found out I'm a virgin right? Was the appeal gone then? You only want me if someone else does?"
Draco opened his mouth to protest. None of what she was saying was true. That wasn't why he stopped them from going any further. Before he could say anything though, Dean interjected.
"You almost slept with Malfoy?"
"And you," Hermione spat, turning towards the other boy with an even deadlier glare. "Don't even get me started on you. You're worse than Malfoy. You said you like me, right? But all that changed when you found out someone else even touched me. What? A man can have flings and hookups, but when a woman does it makes her a slut? I can't believe that was your reasoning for why something couldn't happen between us. But that's not even the worst part! After that whole fiasco, I tried my best to stay friends with you, didn't I? And what did you do? You either flat out ignored me or you kept suggesting I broke your heart. Were you trying to make me feel guilty or something? Because in case you haven't realized yet, I DIDN'T BREAK YOUR HEART!"
She slammed a glass down onto the table, causing it to crack slightly.
"Granger," Draco muttered, placing his hand on her shoulder in a futile attempt to calm her down.
"Maybe Hannah's right," she sighed, shrugging off Draco's hand and downing another shot. "Maybe I'm just a fucking slut and I just lead people on and bitch about them behind their backs."
"Wait," Dean said frowning, "what happened with Hannah? I thought you two were friends?"
"I started talking to this guy from Syracuse that she knows. Hannah said she was fine with it, but apparently, they made out once at the beginning of the year. Both of them said it didn't matter though, so I kept talking to him, but then Hannah told me I should stay away from him because he would want me to hook up with him when he comes to NYU in a week and that if I didn't say yes then I would just end up hurting his feelings. But then I talked to him and he said that he was fine with nothing happening, because he knew I was a virgin and that I had trouble hooking up with people over the summer. I got mad at Hannah for telling him about all the shit that happened over the summer and the fact that I was a virgin and she got pissed and said I was complaining to her friend about her behind her back, which I don't remember doing, but I don't know why else she would say it unless I did it. Now she won't even talk to me and I honestly can't bring myself to care anymore, which shows how shitty of a person I really am."
Hermione's head was on the table at this point, and her entire rambling breakdown was pretty much muffled by her arm, but Draco still managed to interpret most of it.
"I just shouldn't be allowed to talk to people ever. It's my fault people leave me," she moaned sadly before resting her head on Draco's shoulder, much to Dean's blatant displeasure.
"Okay, Granger," Draco said, using his hand to steady her when she started swaying a little in her seat. It honestly surprised him that she wasn't slurring her words given how drunk she was. "I'm sure whatever happened between you and Hannah will work itself out, but let's focus on getting you home for now."
Draco turned around and easily lifted her onto his back, grabbing her legs to keep them secured around his waist and instructing her to wrap her arms around his neck. Suddenly tired from the alcohol and noise, Hermione didn't resist at all.
"I can take her home by myself Malfoy," Dean growled, moving to take the drunk girl away from Draco.
"Yeah, yeah Thomas," Draco said, "you're a big macho man who can protect her. She can't walk and I can carry her the whole way. I really doubt you can do that, but if you want to try, be my guest. She's not light, I can tell you that."
Draco heard a mumbled, slightly offended, protest against his neck. Truthfully, it felt like Hermione weighed very little since she wasn't very big to begin with, but Draco wasn't about to tell Dean that.
After some hesitation, Dean relented to the taller boy and allowed him to lead the way out of the bar with Hermione on his back. The three of them walked in silence for a little bit before they reached an intersection.
"I can take her from here Malfoy," Dean insisted, trying again to pry her away from Draco.
Hermione sleepily swatted Dean's hands away from her and held onto Draco tighter.
"No. Smells good."
"Granger," Draco choked out, tapping the arm that was wrapped tightly around his neck, "release your grip a little unless you want me to die."
"I'm okay with that."
"Granger."
She sighed and loosened her grip a little, resting her head on his shoulder and humming contentedly. Draco readjusted his grip on her legs before turning to face the other boy.
"I've got her, Thomas. It looks like she doesn't want to go with you anyway."
"She's just drunk Malfoy. She trusts me more than you."
"Didn't sound like it at the bar."
"Malfoy," Dean began angrily, "if you think I'm going to let you-"
"Oh, dear god!" Hermione finally shouted from behind Draco, "can the two of you compare dick sizes some other time? How about I go with Malfoy because, oh I don't know, he lives closer to me, he's already carrying me and because I said so. And stop worrying about Malfoy murdering me Dean. He wants to sleep with me, and he can't do that if I'm dead."
Hermione sloppily patted the blonde boy's head a little harder than she probably meant to. Draco frowned, knowing she probably messed up his hair.
"Now can the two of you please shut up? Some of us are trying to sleep!"
She then promptly nestled her face back in the crook of Draco's neck, taking deep breaths that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up straight.
"Fine," Dean finally relented, sounding slightly unsure but also not wanting to anger the drunk girl more than he already did. "Text me when you get home Hermione."
She murmured an agreement and Draco watched Dean finally walk away, leaving them alone.
"Alright, Granger," Draco said, jumping a little to shift her farther up his back. "Let's get you home."
"Shh."
Draco rolled his eyes and walked another block. He thought she fell asleep, but after a couple of minutes she spoke up again.
"Why do you think people fight?"
"Go to sleep."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"Fine Granger," Draco sighed. "I think people fight because everyone's shitty and it's what they're good at. It's easier to fight and argue than to sacrifice your pride and apologize."
"Not for me," she said thoughtfully next to his ear. "I hate fighting with someone. I always apologize."
"Because you're a nice person."
"Hannah's a nice person."
"Maybe. But you care about other people more than yourself. You let people step all over you, as long as it means they're happy."
She shook her head aggressively, almost causing Draco to lose his grip on her.
"No, this time it was my fault."
"I don't think it matter whose fault it is Granger, what matters is being willing to talk about it. You're always willing to work things out when you get into a fight with someone."
She didn't say anything and just readjusted her grip on his neck. Draco was very aware of her breathing on the shell of his ear in her new position.
"Do you think I'm weak, Malfoy? And that I let other people fuck me over?"
"I don't think you're weak," he said thoughtfully, "I do think you let other people fuck you over because you want them to be happy. I don't think that means you should apologize all the time though, especially when you didn't do anything wrong."
"Isn't it better to just apologize if it means people will stop fighting?" she asked.
"Depends, do you feel happy after apologizing?"
"No. I feel like they'll just hurt me again."
"Exactly Granger. Care more about whether or not you're happy and less about what other people are thinking. There's no good reason for you to have to apologize for other people's mistakes."
She considered his words, resting her head tiredly against the back of his.
"You must not care if anyone's happy, Malfoy," she asked, even though it wasn't really a question. "You don't care about what anyone thinks."
"I care if you're happy."
"Why?"
"Because then you're less of a bitch," Draco said teasingly, tickling the back of her knee.
Hermione slapped his arm and he could practically feel her glaring holes into the back of his head.
"Takes one to know one."
"Haha."
He was within eyesight of his apartment now, and in another ten minutes, he would be at Hermione's. Suddenly, the slight drizzle that was surrounding them earlier, turned into torrential rain. The girl on Draco's back was quickly becoming soaking wet and shivering against him. He thought quickly and put Hermione down, ignoring her many, slightly sleepy, complaints and deciding they could get out of the rain faster if he wasn't carrying her. When he saw her shaking slightly from the cold, he shrugged out of his own coat without even thinking about it and wrapped it around her shoulders, bringing her close to his body and trying to shield her from the rain as much as possible.
They quickly ran under the awning of his apartment building. Draco was in a pretty foul mood after getting drenched, but Hermione was laughing.
"What's so funny?" Draco asked, pulling the hood of the coat over her head and tucking her hair behind her ears.
"The rain," she answered, smiling up at him brightly. "Haven't you ever played in the rain?"
"No Granger. I don't usually do things that are meant for children, especially when it could get me sick."
"You're no fun," she pouted slightly.
Hermione looked so happy and innocent in his oversized coat with the rain droplets glistening in her hair. Her lips were parted in a wide grin and he couldn't help but stare at the picture she made in front of him. Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Draco tried to distract himself by buttoning up his coat to try and make her a little warmer.
"Mhhm, sorry beautiful. I'm not really a playful person."
Hermione gave him a devious smirk before wiggling out of his grasp and running into the rain. She spun around in the middle of the empty street, kicking the water up in his direction.
"Bet you can't catch me!"
"Granger!" Draco shouted. "Get your ass back over here!"
"Nope!"
Draco groaned and prayed he wouldn't get sick. He then ran into the rain after her. She screamed when she saw him coming towards her and then laughed after quickly dodging him, causing Draco to almost slip and fall.
"Missed me, missed me, now you've got to kiss me!" she called, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Real mature Granger."
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"A child?" he grinned, finally managing to catch her.
Draco couldn't contain his laughter as he wrapped his arms around her waist, picking her up and swinging her around in a semicircle. He liked that her arms remained securely wrapped around his neck when he finally put her down and let her try to catch her breath.
"What was that you said about having to kiss you now?" Draco murmured, watching her raise her hand to brush some of his wet, platinum blonde locks out of his face.
Her only response was a loud sneeze. Draco grimaced, holding her at arm's length.
"Never mind."
"You got me sick."
"Me?" He asked incredulously, "You're the one who ran into the rain like an idiot."
"It was the only way you'd come out here," Hermione explained as if it was obvious. "Honestly, what kind of person has never played in the rain before."
Draco ignored her and led her back to his apartment building. The rain didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon, and he didn't want to risk getting Hermione even more wet.
"Can I stay here tonight?" came a quiet voice from next to him.
Draco turned to look at Hermione staring up at him with impossibly wide eyes.
"Luna and Padma aren't home. They're back in Fayetteville this weekend and I-" she hesitated. "I don't want to be alone right now."
Draco sighed, knowing it was probably not a good idea, but unable to say no to her.
"Yeah Granger," Draco said, telling her something he'd never told another woman in his life. "You can spend the night."
Once Draco got her inside the apartment he shared with Theo, he helped her out of his coat and led her over to the couch in their living room. He then wrapped her up in a nice thick blanket and proceeded to make her a hot drink, taking his wet shirt off as he entered the kitchen.
"Coffee or tea?" Draco asked the shivering girl, ignoring his own wet and cold body in favor of making her more comfortable.
She frowned slightly at both of her options and Draco remembered that she never drank either beverage during their time at Hogwarts. Rolling his eyes, he scanned the pantry again until he found what he was looking for. Draco held up a cardboard box advertising a smiling cartoon marshmallow relaxing in a red cup filled with hot, brown liquid.
"Better?"
Hermione grinned when she saw the hot chocolate in his hand and nodded happily.
"Thank you."
"Yeah, yeah," Draco grumbled as he heated up some milk and dumped the brown cocoa powder into it before mixing the sugary concoction together. "I will never understand you and your sweet tooth."
"It's a delightful quirk of mine."
He scoffed and handed her the hot mug, cautioning her to be careful not to burn herself and adjusting the blanket around her so that it was snug. Draco then went into his room to take a brisk shower. When he emerged about fifteen minutes later, he found that Hermione wandered into his room and was looking through the books on his bookshelf. Draco tensed, wondering if she noticed her journal sitting in plain sight on his desk, but she remained blissfully unaware of that little fact as she thumbed through the pages of his copy of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë.
"We read this for class during our seventh year," Hermione murmured, tracing over his meticulous annotations thoughtfully. "I know we've known each other for a long time and that we both went to Hogwarts, but it doesn't really hit me how long we've been around each other most of the time."
"I know what you mean," Draco said, smiling slightly and watching her retreat into her own little world that was filled with books.
Five years later and they were in his room together. It felt like so much changed, but it also felt like nothing did. There was something inexplicably right about being here with her after all this time.
"Malfoy!"
"What?" Draco replied, snapping out of his thoughts.
"You're naked," she said, averting her eyes and gesturing to his towel clad form.
Draco looked down at his black towel, hanging low around his hips. He rolled his eyes and looked back at Hermione.
"I'm very much not naked. Plus, it's your fault for coming in here. Go take a shower though. I laid out some clothes for you in the closet."
Hermione disappeared into the bathroom without another word. Once he heard the sound of running water that accompanied the shower turning on, Draco took her journal from his desk and shoved it deep into his backpack before zipping it up and throwing it haphazardly into a corner of the room. Running a hand through his hair and sighing with relief at the fact that he wasn't caught, Draco quickly changed into the pajama bottoms he brought with him from his closet and laid down, waiting for Hermione to finish showering.
I am in Draco Malfoy's apartment about to take a shower in Draco Malfoy's bathroom. Well no fucking duh. That's not normal. Another overt observation courtesy of my brain.
I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts, which was becoming increasingly difficult since the effects of the alcohol I drank earlier were beginning to wear off.
Draco's bathroom was pristine. Everything was in its proper place and there were a variety of hair and skin care products laid out on the counter in a neat row.
I knew his hair wasn't naturally that soft.
I fought back a yawn and undressed before getting into the shower. It felt so nice and warm that part of me wanted to just fall asleep in there. Unfortunately, I remembered that there was a tall, irritating blonde most likely waiting for me in the next room. And if I didn't finish showering soon, he may come in to see if I'm okay, which would then lead to him seeing me naked. I blanched at that thought, despite the fact that I'd almost slept with him a week ago, and tried my best to finish showering as fast as possible.
Ten minutes later, I entered his large walk-in closet. I rolled my eyes when I saw the long lines of designer clothing, with rows of expensive shoes underneath them. Each article of clothing was placed on a black, velvet hanger and was spaced exactly two fingers apart from any adjacent hangers. On a shelf next to the door, there was an old, ratty long-sleeved gray t-shirt and a pair of flannel blue and white pajama bottoms folded neatly. They looked out of place among all of his fancy clothes, so I assumed they were meant for me.
After I changed, I exited the bathroom, rubbing my eyes tiredly and stretching my arms over my head. When I opened my eyes and focused again, I saw Draco staring at me.
"What?" I frowned, looking down at the baggy clothes I was wearing. "Were these not what I was supposed to wear?"
"No, they are," Draco managed, his voice sounding slightly strangled. After clearing his throat, he continued in a much steadier voice. "You can sleep here, and I'll sleep on the couch."
"You can sleep here," I offered. "I don't mind the couch."
"It's fine, Granger," he said, moving past me into the closet to grab some extra sheets and a pillow.
I watched him for a minute, but before he could leave his bedroom, I grabbed his arm.
"Can you stay for a little bit?" I asked sheepishly. "I'm not really tired yet."
He looked at me with an unreadable expression and then pulled his desk chair to the side of the bed, gesturing for me to sit down in front of him. I quickly got under the covers and pulled the sheets up to my chin. He was watching me intently and it was making me more and more nervous with each passing second.
"Stop staring at me," I muttered.
"You're in my bed."
"So?"
"So I'm allowed to look at my bed," he said shrugging. "And you happen to be in it."
I glared at him, pulling the sheets over my head. After a few minutes of silence, I peeked over the blanket and found that he was leaning back in his chair with his eyes closed. His chest, which was lacking a shirt, was rising and falling in time with his deep breaths. He looked oddly peaceful and I was reminded of the last time I'd seen him like this in a meadow what felt like an entire lifetime ago.
"I know I'm hot, Granger," Draco said, smirking slightly and keeping his eyes closed, "but there's no reason to stare."
How does he always know when I'm looking at him?
He opened his eyes and watched me some more.
"What's wrong?"
I squirmed under his piercing gaze.
"Nothing's wrong."
"Don't lie to me, Granger," he said gently, taking a strand of my hair into his hand and tugging on it.
"Do you really think I'm beautiful?"
He just stared at me for an unbearably long time. I avoided his eyes, wishing I didn't say anything to begin with.
"Yes, I do," he finally decided. "You're beautiful."
I moved my head in a way that could be taken as a nod or a miniature spasm and continued to look at everything else but him. Once the quiet became unbearable, I couldn't stop myself from asking the question that I'd been thinking about ever since he showed up in my life again.
"Then, why did you say all those things about me when we were sixteen?" I asked.
I blame it all on the alcohol.
Draco froze when she asked that question. It was the first time either of them mentioned it when they weren't screaming at each other. When they were arguing, it was easy to avoid acknowledging it, but now there was no way for him to ignore her.
"I thought I needed to so that I could have what I wanted," Draco sighed, remembering his dream of going to Harvard, which fell apart so easily.
"Did you get it?"
"No," he said softly, playing with a few strands of her long hair absentmindedly, "I didn't. I don't think it would have mattered if I did."
"Why?" she asked, just as quietly.
"It wasn't what I really wanted."
"What do you want?"
Draco thought about her question. It had been such a long time since he wanted anything. In fact, the only thing he'd wanted in years was the brunette currently in his bed. However, while he told himself he just wanted sex from her, he didn't actually know what he wanted. Sitting there with her in his room made him feel better than he'd felt all week. If this was enough to satisfy his urge to be with her, then did he really just want sex?
"I don't know," he said finally. "I don't know what I want. I do know I'm sorry for what I did though."
She nodded understandingly and gently took his hand in hers, intertwining their fingers. Draco could already tell Hermione forgave him, and it bothered him that she did it so easily. He didn't deserve it.
"I don't know what I want either," she whispered. "I think I just want to know for sure that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm a good person. Or at least not a shitty one."
"You're a good person Granger," he reassured her. "If you aren't, then the rest of us have absolutely no chance."
"Bad things happen to bad people," she muttered in response.
"Or maybe, bad things just happen sometimes. Maybe you just need to find out what makes you happy and focus on that instead of everyone else's problems. If they really love you, then they'll be happy for you."
She looked thoughtful and slowly met his eyes.
"You make me happy," she admitted quietly. "For the first time in a long time, I don't think about all of the things I should be worried about and I don't feel weak. It feels easier being here with you than it does being with anyone else."
"I know," he said, leaning forward in his chair so that he was closer to her. "It feels good to me too."
"I don't trust you though."
"Same here, beautiful."
"I think I know one other thing I want."
"What's that?"
"You."
Draco felt his heart stop at her words. They were spoken so honestly, and even though Draco knew that the only reason she said it was because she was drunk, he also knew she meant it.
It was for that reason that he didn't protest when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. He got out of his chair and leaned over her on the bed, relaxing when he felt her tongue trace his lips before he granted her entrance. This kiss was different from the others. It took his breath away just as easily, but it was soft and comforting instead of passionate and reckless. She was letting him take the lead this time, choosing to remain underneath him and trace his abs with her fingers.
"Granger," he moaned softly, kissing up her neck to that spot behind her ear that made her shiver whenever he touched it.
Normally, Draco would try and move things along faster with other girls, but with Hermione he just wanted to take his time so that he could always look back and remember how it felt to touch her. Hermione always seemed like she was in a rush, but now she was relaxed and patiently waiting for his lingering caresses under him.
Draco wanted her so badly. He wondered how he survived this long without knowing how it felt to kiss her and taste her skin. His hands ran up her back under his shirt, pulling her against his chest. He could feel her nipples rubbing against his chest through the thin material that kept her chest covered.
That shirt was why he stared at her earlier. When she walked out of the bathroom, looking like a sleepy mess and wearing his oversized clothes, Draco felt like he couldn't breathe. There was nothing flattering about what she was wearing, yet he couldn't look away. And when he finally realized that he could see her nipples through his shirt since she'd forgone her wet bra, every sane thought in his head went out the window.
Her hands grazing over the top of his pants brought Draco out of his lust induced haze. Draco quickly grabbed her hands in one of his own and held them away from the part of his body that was practically begging her to touch him.
"No," he choked out.
Draco saw the brief hurt in her eyes, before it was quickly replaced by anger.
"Move," she hissed, pushing against his chest in an attempt to get him off of her.
He batted her hands away with one of his own and tilted her chin up so that he could look directly into her eyes.
"No, because I want you to be sure."
She stopped fighting him then and just looked at him in confusion.
"I don't want love or a relationship," she said.
"I know," he replied, "but I want you to know for sure that you want me to be the one to do this. If you say you want this when you're not drunk, then I'll believe you and I promise nothing will stop me from being with you. This isn't because you're a virgin or because of anything you've done with anyone else. I want you. Whether you've been with a hundred people or nobody. I will still want you."
For a brief moment, the guard that Draco had seen in Hermione's eyes came down and he saw so much raw emotion written plainly across her face that it shocked him. Before he could determine what that emotion was, it was like a curtain was drawn across her face and she was on her guard again. Hermione searched his eyes for something for another moment before planting a chaste kiss on his lips.
"There's a good chance I will never admit I want you sober."
"I'm willing to risk it."
She smiled slightly at that.
"I haven't come close to wanting anyone since Blaise," she murmured quietly looking up at him. "I thought I didn't have it in me to ever want someone again. I can barely even care about other people like I used to. Then you came along and really fucked me up, didn't you?"
Draco chuckled and kissed her forehead gently, pulling away from her and sitting back in his chair next to the bed.
"I do have a talent for doing that."
He took her hand in his again and kissed the back of it with more tenderness than he'd ever shown another living thing.
"Don't leave me alone," she muttered sleepily, tightening her grip a little. "Please."
He knew she was just talking about tonight, but his next words fell from his lips surprisingly easily.
"I'm sorry I ever did."
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