Another update? Why, yes, y'all! Yes, this is a slow burning story, but we're getting to some deep topics, etc. I understand it may not be the story you were expecting, but that's alright. Just because it's an AU, doesn't mean our faves will be out of character. If it's not your cup of tea, that's fine. But other than that, I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think - leave a comment. Thanks! xo

Sixteen hours before leaving for Los Angeles and Olivia's mind was racing a hundred miles a minute. The nerves that she kept down in public, were rising furiously. Not stopping for anything, Olivia paced around her office. Running on all cylinders. Checking and double checking. Delegating tasks, getting the rundown from Huck, still receiving inquiries from other clients. Olivia Pope & Associates would run without a hitch while she was away.

Getting the "OK" from Harrison to step out for a bit, Olivia drove 20 minutes north to Bethesda. She insisted that Fitz choose a place to eat; more decisions to make were not on her priority list. He suggested Pizzeria Da Marco, a cozy restaurant.

Olivia arrived first, sipping on an iced tea. A rare moment of stillness. Her friend Stephen encouraged her to take very deep breaths whenever she had tough moments or new experiences coming.

Fitz walked in five minutes later. She felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Hi."

Greeted with a beautiful smile, Fitz leaned down to kiss her.

"Hi. You look nice, honey," she tugged on his suit jacket.

Taking a seat across from her, Fitz winked. "Thanks. Are you all packed?"

"Almost. I went to the office this morning to give Quinn the rundown. Harrison ordered me to not return. So I'll go home after this and finish."

"Need company?"

Olivia shook her head, with a slight grin. "No, I'm alright. I'll get distracted and you know what that means."

"I do," he smirked. "Don't want you to get sidetracked."

Skimming the menu, Olivia asked, "Remember when we met? How different everything was?"

Fitz sighed. "I always remember. You were such a saint, dealing with us. It was an amazing first date. Don't you think?"

Mumbling, she replied, "I hope I never have to deal with those again."

"Deal with what?"

Olivia cocked her head to the side. "What?"

"You said you hoped you never have to deal with those again. What are those?"

Fitz's eyes were big; looking very curious. Replaying what she told him, Olivia shot her eyes down to the menu again, avoiding his gaze. First dates. Having to start over again. She didn't want that to happen. With Fitz, everything was better. She felt comfortable, even with the ups and downs. But was it too soon to think about a future with him? Was she being naïve?

"What are you going to eat? I am craving some pizza. The greasier, the better."

Fitz gasped, feigning surprise. "What? Olivia Pope? Junk food? Get out of town."

With a shrug, Olivia "hmphed".

"Is the trip stressing you? Have you been sleeping? Wait," Fitz paused, looking at her square in the eye, reaching for her hand. Dropping his voice, he realized.

"Aunt Flo's coming."

Pointing her finger at him, she replied, "Ding ding ding. All of the above. Ugh, the poorest timing. Either tomorrow or Friday. I don't feel my best."

Olivia's breath hitched as Fitz rubbed his thumb against her skin. Fitz was glancing at her with such compassion, it almost made her cry.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over? I can bring you snacks and a blanket and massage you."

Fitz! No, thank you." Breaking out into a grin, Olivia thought of his TLC regiment; it usually resulted in a breath-stealing orgasm and clothes all over the place. "That's all I say on the matter."

She nudged his foot with her Tory Burch flat. To let him know that she wasn't angry, but she was keeping her options open.

A friendly server approached, informing them of the day's specials.

Fitz requested, "Sir. We would like a large pizza with…"

Tapping on the menu, Olivia interjected, "Extra cheese, roasted peppers, and sausage, please."

After thanking the server, Fitz returned to Olivia; she felt his watchful gaze. Knowing he was going to wait on her, hand and foot, using an opportunity to cater to her. He asked with caution. "Liv, do you want it to-go? We don't have to stay here."

Having the attention on her like this was alarming. But Fitz is different, she reminded herself. He isn't going to intentionally hurt me. I need to let him do this. Taking another deep breath, she silently nodded.

Fitz lifted her hand, kissing each knuckle. "Okay." He reached for his phone and dialed a number. "Hey, Cy, I'm heading home. I brought my work with me before I left. Yeah…"

Olivia reached for her keys, but was having a hard time because Fitz was nipping at her neck. She was giggling all the way up the elevator. Receiving his loving glances made her swoon, tempting her to kiss him during the seven-floor ascent.

"Honey…"

"I know," he said. "I'll wait."

Finally, the door opened. "Please, make yourself at home."

"Okay, baby."

Olivia washed her hands, then found plates. "What do you want to drink?"

"You have ginger ale?"

"Yes, sir."

Fitz loosened his tie, toed off his shoes, and sat down on the couch. Olivia returned with the plates and his cup.

"How many slices?"

"Two for now."

The two ate their lunch, not talking much. Every time Olivia assumed she could sneak a glimpse at Fitz, he was doing the same thing.

"When do you get Teddy?"

Fitz waited to finish his food to answer. "Not anytime soon. I hired a new babysitter last week. Her name is Rachel and I told her I'd get home around 8. So I'll probably head out around 7:15."

Olivia was surprised. "Is she nice? Does he like her? Why the change?"

"I think so," Fitz said. "She's about 25, goes to GW, has a boyfriend - don't remember his name - but they're cool. I don't want to burden her any more than I have to. Rachel doesn't an immediate family to take care of, so maybe Teddy would connect with her more than Gracie, and not feel neglected."

The hope in Fitz's voice encouraged Olivia. She was worried about him and Teddy. "Okay, I see. That's great."

Olivia took it upon herself to snuggle against Fitz - her back pressed on his chest, using him as a resting spot. Lounging in the stillness. More deep breaths.

"Can I ask what you're thinking about?"

Almost saying no, she took a moment to contemplate.

"The trip is exciting and there's a lot at stake, but I need to tell you something."

"Oh?"

"Yes."

"Tell me."

Olivia pursed her lips, looking straight ahead. She could feel her shoulders tense. The old habits of shutting down, running, and deflecting were ready to come out again. If Fitz wasn't holding on to her, making her feel safe, she would have escaped to her room. Or taken a walk. Anything to halt her progress. She was trying.

"You can tell me anything, Livvie."

Closing her eyes, she tried to drown out the negative thoughts. "It's not what you're expecting. You're going to think differently of me

Fitz rubbed her arms, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Will you trust me? Or give me a chance? I deserve that much. A chance."

Olivia let out a sigh, slowly moving her body so she could see his face. "I don't know how to say."

"Take your time," Fitz encouraged. "I'm right here."

Her throat was tight, but she swallowed and began to speak. "I understand how Teddy feels. My parents abandoned me."

Olivia watched Fitz's eyes darken, but he didn't speak. His body language didn't change either, so he could have still be opened to hear her story.

"They were always busy, but it didn't strike me as different. Mama left when I was 12 and they divorced the day after I turned 13. Neither told me and I found out through a friend at school. My dad began to change - he turned into a drill sergeant and he didn't want me to be around him when he was going through his shit. So, I went to different boarding schools."

She stopped to breathe. Inhale through the nose and out the mouth.

"I have trust issues, Fitz. I automatically think anyone who tries to get close to me, will leave or use me. My parents told me they would be there for me, come back for me, and they didn't. As you may have noticed, I built up a wall. I got tired of being hurt."

Fitz kissed her shoulder. "Livvie…"

"I know, pathetic." Her voice sounded small, barely escaping. "Is it okay if I keep talking? I've never discuss this with anyone. I couldn't hold it in."

"I told you, baby," Fitz reminded, "I'm right here."

Olivia sat up, clasping her hands. This is when she knew, it would get uncomfortable.

"I'm not used to being loved like this."

"What?"

"My parents. The men I've dated. Everything had its limits. I had to be a certain way in order to receive their affection or commitment."

"What do you mean?"

His question resonated in her ears; his voice had never sounded that firm before. Clearing her throat, Olivia was ready to divulge.

"I've only been in two relationships. College and then when I moved back here. I even got engaged to a businessman. That did not turn out well."

"Livvie…"

Olivia turned her head to Fitz quickly. "No, he didn't lay a hand on me. Ever. It was more emotional and mental. It was the combination of not wanting to be someone I wasn't and we were just going through the motions. All the crap I dealt with my parents, carried over to my relationships."

A chill went down her spine. She had to stand up and walk around. Fitz didn't follow. Olivia walked in a circle around the living room. Slowly, methodically. But her words were leaving her mouth quickly.

"I gave up on love. But you - you did something different. What we have is different. It's real. You care about me and not in a way that I'm used to. Love doesn't come naturally to me. I don't accept love. But the way you love me... It's almost unconditional and that scares the crap out of me, Fitz! I don't think I am deserving of your love. So I want to step away. This trip - one of the reasons it interested me because I thought we were going too fast and I needed to refocus."

Olivia breathed deeply as she watched Fitz stand. Almost rigid with jaw slightly clenched, he nodded. "I see."

Already drained, she knew this would happen. "I don't want to detach but that's my preset. That's what been holding me back all this time, Fitz. I want to do better, but everything comes back to me and I get stuck. I'm so sorry."

He crossed to her.

"Okay."

"Fitz," she whispered, feeling very broken and exposed.

"Liv."

His voice was soothing, but did not completely calm her down. "You don't understand," she interrupted, turning her body to him. "I tend to block everything out but I know it does not help. It's not healthy. So I need you to be patient with me. I'm not easy to deal with."

"Olivia Pope. You think I don't see you? I realize how you operate. How your brain works. I know this and honestly, I don't care. I am not going to desert you because you're human. I love you."

"Stop."

Fitz whispered in her ear, "Never. I. Love. You. Do you hear me?"

Olivia sniffed. Tears were beginning to fall and the emotions were overwhelming.

"I'm going to keep telling you this until you believe me. I love you," Fitz announced. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

Fitz grinned. "There. Just like that. You told me confidently and I know that you do and I believe it. So you should be as quick to accept it when I tell you that I love you."

When she heard those those, Olivia broke down, sobbing into Fitz's shirt. "I'm trying."

Feeling his arms wrap around her petite frame, Olivia could sense the heaviness pulling away from her heart. Twenty-one years of pain, confusion, anger, and loneliness gradually dissipating.

Lifting her chin, Fitz kissed her. "There is no shame in this. You are beautiful. Thank you for telling me. I want to be here for you. You deserve this. All of this."

Even with the intense but relieving heart-to-heart with Fitz, Olivia was very eager to switch gears and head off to California. There was much to do and she was ready to tackle this new project, with a clear head. Taking the earliest flight the next morning, she and Harrison arrived at LAX while it was still daylight. Driving straight to the office, they met with Mr. Reynolds and some of his staff. After debriefing with one of the agency's publicists and creating an extensive agenda for the next day, Harrison and Olivia parted ways for the night. Olivia was beyond exhausted so she decided to retire early. Shucking her heels and changing into one of Fitz's t-shirts and her favorite pair of leggings, Olivia fell into bed.

With the sun setting, Olivia picked at her dinner - a salad and turkey burger - while reviewing her notes. Soon, it got to be ridiculous to go over the piles of work. She needed to stop all together. Then she thought of her boys back in Washington.

"Let me see what they're doing," she said to herself. It was almost 10 o'clock, so texting seemed like the best option.

Are you busy?

The dots immediately appeared; Fitz must have been waiting for her. A smile formed when she got her response.

No. :)

Is Teddy awake?

Actually, he's sitting on my lap. I told him that you might call and I let him stay up just in case.

That was all she needed. Quickly, she dialed Fitz.

"Hi," Fitz and Teddy shouted into the phone.

"Good evening. How are you two doing?"

"We're great, Livia!"

The cheery tones of Teddy could change a girl's disposition in a second.

"May I speak with Teddy, please? I haven't talked to him in a while."

Olivia waited for Fitz to hand over the phone.

"Hi, sweetie."

"Livia! Where are you?"

"I'm in California."

Teddy exclaimed, "Wow! That's where Daddy is from. That's where my Poppy lives! Do you know him?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, "I do know that they are from here. But no, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him."

"Maybe Daddy can call him and you two can meet," Teddy suggested. Olivia continued to straighten her paperwork as Teddy talked about his day.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"We miss you."

"I miss you, Teddy. I'll be back before you know it."

The voice on the other end asked, "How long will you be gone?"

"Two or three weeks. We have a very big project, and the people are counting on us to do well," Olivia revealed, hoping it made sense and didn't bored Teddy senseless. "I want to finish it all up before I leave, so I won't have to fly right back out."

Teddy released a dramatic sigh. "Okaaaayy. That seems like a long time. But we'll manage."

"Manage? Where did you get that word?"

"Daddy."

Olivia had to laugh; never being surprised by his vocabulary and even as a new kindergartner, being very mature.

"Livia, it's my bedtime now. Daddy likes to use his finger and moves it in a circle."

"He probably means to wrap it up."

Teddy gasped, "How did you know? That's why he does it. To tell me without being rude or if he doesn't feel like talking. I'll talk to you later!"

"Sure."

"I love you, Livia."

Her heart began to swell; I love you's meant even more than how it used to, in days prior. "I love you, Teddy. Have a good night."

"So when I go to sleep and wake up tomorrow, it will be one day closer to seeing you. Right?"

Olivia liked this thought process. "Right on, baby."

Teddy burst into laughter. Confused, she had to ask, "What's so funny?"

"You call me 'Baby'. I'm four and a half, Livia! But it's okay. I'll let you call me that."

"Haha, I see."

"Good night."

"Good night."

Hearing the cutest pair of feet rush up the stairs, Olivia stayed on the line for Fitz.

"Hey, pretty lady."

"Mmhmm. Hi, handsome."

"Teddy's right. I miss you."

Leaning back into the four oversized pillows, Olivia echoed the sentiment. "I miss you too. I miss you so much, I'm wearing your shirt."

Fitz let a long ooh. "Which one?"

Stretching her legs, Olivia described in a sultry tone. "Heather grey. Dark letters across the chest. It's a little snug on you. Yes, I've noticed, but I sort of swim in it."

"Mmhmm," Fitz hummed. "That's nice. I like that."

"I hope you don't miss it much."

"I won't. It's in good hands."

Olivia felt her eyes drooping but she sighed into the receiver.

"Are you sleepy?"

"I am."

"Why don't you get some rest? I bet you have to wake up early."

Olivia pouted, "I do, but I want to talk to you."

"Okay," he replied, without arguing.

"You know, your voice sounds amazing on the phone. You should do voiceover work."

Fitz scoffed, "Oh, c'mon! I don't think so. No one would hire me."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at Fitz's denial. The little moments, finding the quirky tidbits to discuss, it meant the world to her. But fatigue was taking over, with two consecutive yawns as the tell-tale sign.

"Liv…"

"I know. I know. Just stay with me."

"You got it, baby."

Olivia dozed off as Fitz softly sang a tune he just learned about on the radio. A song that she would remember for a long time to come.