Chapter 13 – What We Lost
Stunned, Cial showed no reaction, simply standing there in her mother's grasp until, finally her impassive facade cracked and she silently wept. Lune patiently waited until she finished, after which the petite girl, nearly identical to Ciel, stared right at her.
"I didn't know you'd made it out in time..." Cial managed to say, looking completely exhausted from the silent outpouring.
"I had help." Lune said with a smile. "Besides, it simply wouldn't do to get blasted and leave my two little girls all by themselves. Now then, are you ready to come home?"
"No… I don't think so..." Cial said hesitantly. "I… said some pretty horrible things to my sister the last time we spoke."
"She's still your sister… and she's hurting as much as you."
"Maybe..." Cial said, her expression twisting into a bitter scowl. "But surely she hasn't forgotten about the Head Administrator. The one who encouraged her to keep her pet project going despite all the warning signs. The one who was so desperate for some semblance of order that she ended up enabling a tyrant."
"And the one who realized her mistake and started helping the Resistance from the inside." Lune countered. "Or did you think I wouldn't figure it out?"
"Am I truly that easy to read?" Cial asked with a sad smile.
"The untraceable messages." Lune listed off the top of her head. "The hidden supplies. The maps and other information. There was only one place where all that could be so readily plucked. Only one person able and willing to get all that to us without tripping every alarm in the tower."
"Too little, too late." Cial replied dismissively. "You two were right all along. I was blind and stubborn and defended the indefensible. I might as well have pulled the trigger on that damned cannon with my own hands."
"Don't be ridiculous." Lune said, placing her hands on her daughter's cheeks. "I know you. That's a line you'd never cross."
"How can you?" Cial asked with a sigh. "I don't even know myself anymore."
"Is that why you ran off on your own? What exactly did you hope to accomplish?"
"Most of the Resistance doesn't even know of my existence." Cial said with a shrug. "What do you think people would say if they found out that their savior has such a monster for a sister? Especially one who could easily pass for her."
"What? Were you planning on running off and letting yourself be forgotten?" Lune asked, looking as if she had just been stabbed in the chest. "I don't think so. We've all made mistakes… and we've all paid the price. It's time to look forward."
"And how do you suggest we do that, Mother?"
"The flames are gone. The soil is clear. Now is the time to plant the seeds of a new future. Together."
Cial looked at her for the longest time and then let out a deep, weary sigh.
"You win. At the very least I suppose I should let that sister of mine know that I'm still alive and won't be giving her any trouble. But… I don't want anyone else to know about me. Not yet."
"If anyone has a problem with you, then can bring it up with me." Lune said, straightening her glasses. "Now come on. No daughter of mine is going to stay hidden in a cave like a savage."
"I definitely miss indoor plumbing." Cial said with a smirk. "A soft bed. And don't get me started on those damned bugs."
"Well, come on." Lune said, before giving her another hug. "Let's pack your things and get out of here. We'll figure out the rest later."
About half an hour later, as mother and daughter stepped outside they spotted Thaddeus, standing there next to the hoverbike waiting for them.
"I should have expected you to be here too." Cial remarked.
"What can I say?" Thaddeus retorted with a shrug. "I couldn't exactly let your mother run off by herself."
"I never could figure you out." Cial said, leering suspiciously at him. "Sometimes I wonder..."
"No, I am not your father, if that's what you're thinking." Thaddeus retorted. "If I were, I wouldn't try to hide it. I'm just a washed up fool trying to keep the last mementos of his old life intact. It won't bring my wife or my boy back, but I'd like to think they'll at least rest a little easier."
"I guess that day left its mark on all of us." Cial said bitterly. "I still don't know what he was thinking."
"Probably that you all had to survive." Thaddeus said, wiping a tear. "The Class of Fifty was my mistake. Gathering such bright young minds in one place only made them a target."
"We survived." Cial recalled. "Ciel and I. Those two girls Rouge and Jaune. But I have no idea what happened to the others. Some were still at or around Neo Arcadia before the end."
Thaddeus let out a sigh and looked into the distance.
"I really made a mess of things with that bright idea."
"Don't." Lune intervened, stepping up to him and placing a hand on his shoulder.
"The idea was mine, was it not?" he insisted.
"It was ours." Lune corrected. "We all made the decision as a team. It ended badly, but now it's time to move on. Eyes on tomorrow, as you used to say."
"I suppose you're right..." he grumbled before reaching into his pocket and producing a small metallic object, which he handed to her.
"This is..." Lune said, confused, recognizing what looked like a key card.
"I restored that relic with my own two hands." Thaddeus said with a sigh as he glanced at the hoverbike. "I'd hoped to pass it on to my boy when he was old enough."
"You don't mean..." Cial realized.
"I won't be needing it anymore." Thaddeus said with a shrug as he began to walk away. "Not where I'm going."
"Wait!" Lune called out. "Where exactly are you going?"
He stopped and looked over his shoulder.
"You're right. We need to keep moving forward. But now that I know you two are safe, I have some soul searching of my own to do."
With that, he continued on his way.
"Don't you dare get yourself killed out there, you hear?" Lune shouted. In response, he just smirked.
"I really never could figure you out, old man..." Cial muttered under her breath as she watched him go. "You'd better not leave your bones in the wilderness."
Meanwhile...
"Well..." Phantom said as the Four Guardians stood at the edge of the Area Zero settlement, casting hesitant glances at the recently built homes and gardens. "Here we are."
"No turning back now..." Harpuia added with a nod.
"You sure about this?" Fefnir asked, glancing at Leviathan.
"Let's just get this over with." she said, nervously looking around.
As the four stepped through, the guard standing on the path made no motion to stop them, instead observing them. Once they were out of earshot, he adjusted his beret and spoke into a concealed radio.
"I don't know how you managed to pull it off, X..." Colbor said in hushed tones. "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes."
As the four walked through the recently paved main street, they glanced around. To their chagrin, they noticed that the settlement was completely silent and the streets deserted as most of the inhabitants were either away or watching them from behind shuttered windows.
"I suppose this is the best welcome we had the right to hope for." Harpuia mused.
"Just grin and bear with it." Fefnir said with a shrug. "We'll probably be out of here before long."
It was then that they spotted a familiar figure waiting for them, one that had haunted the back of their minds for the longest time. Their predecessor. Their idol. The one whose legacy they had so thoroughly failed to live up to.
"Master." Phantom said reverently.
"For the last time..." X groaned. "Stop calling me that."
In his presence, though slightly diminished by the fact that he was still inhabiting a temporary body, even the irreverent Fefnir nodded respectfully, joining his siblings.
"I am not happy." X said, crossing his arms as he gazed upon them with an inscrutable expression. "You four made quite a mess of things while I was gone."
"We make no excuses." Phantom said.
"We fucked up." Fefnir added.
"And yet you wanted us at your side once again." Harpuia pointed out.
"So what now?" Leviathan asked.
The four looked almost like misbehaving children receiving a scolding from a parent. Though they had heard countless tales of their predecessor's deeds, by the time they had first been activated he had already given up the use of his body in order to seal the Dark Elf. For the most part, their firsthand experiences with the real X boiled down to glimpses of his incorporeal interventions.
"Now..." X said, showing the faintest hint of a smile. "I would like you to help us make things right. But first let's set up some ground rules."
The four exchanged surprised glances, but let him continue.
"Zeroth rule." X started. "None of that reverent crap. I never liked it, and honestly that whole Master thing gets a bit creepy sometimes."
"Go on..." a surprised Harpuia said, while Fefnir snickered and glanced at Phantom.
"First rule." X continued. "No violence in the settlement unless there's a clear and immediate threat to its people. You want to let out some steam, you go outside."
X paused to let that sink in and then continued.
"Second rule. Mind your manners. These people have been through a lot and there are children living here as well. I asked Phantom to call you because I want to believe we can make this work. Don't make me regret it."
"Reasonable enough..." Harpuia said cautiously.
"Third rule." X continued. "Neo Arcadia was an abject failure. All of us are in this together, and we need to make sure nothing like that happens again. I don't want another megalomaniac lunatic popping up as soon as my back is turned again."
The Guardians couldn't help feeling stung by his words, but in the short time they had known the real X, they had grown to realize that the city-state had become exactly what he had not intended.
"Final rule." X added.
At this, the Guardians stared at him expectantly.
"I guess now is the part where he really chews us out…" Fefnir thought.
"Find happiness." X said with a timid smile, eliciting looks of open surprise from all four. "There's more to life than fighting and duty. As your predecessor, I want you to understand that."
Though he was using a borrowed form, not quite capable of the same range of motion and expression, there was something about the look on his face that reduced the four to silence. A mixture of sadness, longing and hope threatened to overwhelm X as he stood there, so intense as to be nearly palpable to them.
It was then that Ciel stepped in, holding Alouette's hand.
"And that's that." she said. "At least for now."
"Why?" Harpuia asked.
"Did you hear a single word of what X just said?" Ciel scolded. "That's why. Being responsible for you for even existing, I hope you too will find your own peace."
Ciel then reached into one of her pockets and produced a set of four keys, presenting them in her hand.
"What's this now?" Phantom asked.
"We can't have our newest residents sleeping on the street now can we?" Ciel retorted. "We saved one of the finished houses in case you did end up coming. It's not too big and it's still being furnished, but it should do. You can always change it later to suit your needs."
"You..." Phantom muttered incredulously, staring at the tangible token of trust danging before his eyes. "After everything we..."
"You're not Weil or that accursed fake." Ciel said, with a hint of anger flashing across her eyes before her smile returned. "You are your own people. I never wanted you four to be drones or yes-men, only to help us build a better future. So go on. Take them. Just… don't disappoint me again."
At a loss for words, Phantom accepted the keys.
"You'd better behave!" Alouette chimed in, before glaring at Phantom in particular. "And you'd better stop sulking!"
"What she said." Zero added, as he stepped into view, trying not to look too amused at their stunned reactions. From a distance, Axl watched too in case things went sour… and out of curiosity to see the Four Guardians up close once again.
"I was wondering when you'd show up." Harpuia said with a smirk.
"X was always a big softy." Zero said with a shrug. "As long as you four don't make asses of yourselves, I suppose I can live with this arrangement."
Leviathan swallowed nervously and looked away, visibly uncomfortable. This did not escape Zero's notice.
"What's with her?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. "No taunts, no awkward flirting?"
Phantom shook his head vigorously, trying to convey how bad an idea he felt it was to rile her up in such a state, but Zero did not notice. Instead, he walked closer to her.
"What's wrong?" Zero asked as she started visibly shaking. "It's not like you to be this quiet."
"D-Don't." she hissed.
"Don't what?" Zero asked, still unsure what was going on.
"Oh shit..." Fefnir hissed under his breath.
Leviathan struggled to contain herself, but found that increasingly difficult with Zero so unbearably close. The events following Ragnarok were still far too fresh in her memory, and the knowledge that she had wasted her time fighting for a lie that had ended up costing countless lives was taking a greater toll on her than she had anticipated. Being so close to the object of her one-sided attraction did not help one bit.
"Why won't you understand..." she whimpered, awkwardly backing away.
"Understand what?" Zero asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. "You're not making any sense."
He had defeated her time and again in fair combat and given her thrills beyond anything she had ever imagined. While she had never been particularly bloodthirsty or battle crazy – certainly nowhere close to her crimson clad sibling – something had changed during her first clash of blades with the legendary Maverick Hunter… and it had only grown worse over time.
Perhaps it was the strength of his conviction that had driven the point home, even as an amnesiac fighting at a fraction of his old skill. Perhaps it had been his talent for battle, likely a leftover of his original purpose, that had caught her eye. Perhaps it was both. The end result was the same, compounded by the fact that – if she were to be brutally honest with herself, he cut quite a striking figure to boot. She had never felt anything like that before, and she did not know how to handle it.
"I suggest you back away now..." Fefnir tried to warn.
Then something in her posture suddenly changed. Though still trembling, she instead stepped forward, with a glazed look in her eyes and her cheeks a furious crimson as her senses temporarily took leave of her.
"What the hell?!" Zero muttered, stopping in his tracks as he saw the change.
"You don't understand..." Leviathan hissed, breathing heavily as she edged ever closer. "I don't know what's come over me, but..."
Zero was speechless. Caught completely by surprise, he soon found himself in her grip, with her hands on his cheeks. He froze in place, dumbfounded… and honestly a little scared. He had seen plenty of Reploids lose their minds – usually to the Maverick virus – but this was something he was not prepared to handle. The look in her eyes stirred unpleasant memories he was still struggling to keep contained.
"I need you." she hissed, wide eyed, her face edging closer and closer to his...
Suddenly, the Guardian felt a sharp pain on her cheek… and found herself on the receiving end of a slap. Everyone was stunned into silence as the normally timid Ciel stood there with a wrathful look on her face and her eyes practically sparking, her hand still raised.
"I'm sorry..." Leviathan blurted out, suddenly coming to her senses and hastily breaking away. Even Ciel was surprised to see the tears flowing down her face.
"I was afraid this would happen!" she wailed.
With that, she ran off in a random direction, covering her face with her hands. Even Axl, ever the joker, didn't have the heart to make one of his usual remarks.
"Any other bright ideas, Fefnir?" Harpuia asked dryly.
"Up yours." the irascible Guardian growled.
Ignoring the others, Phantom shook his head and darted after his fleeing sibling.
"Whoa..." Axl muttered under his breath. "I don't think I've ever seen Ciel this mad before."
X sighed and shook his head as he watched the scene unfold.
"I definitely wasn't expecting something like this to happen. What a mess..."
"Are you all right?" Ciel asked, her expression softening a little as she looked at Zero.
"I'm not sure..." he said hesitantly. The fact that he noticed her eyes were getting moist definitely did not help matters.
"I can't believe her nerve..." Ciel growled, clenching her fists.
"I don't think she can believe it either." Zero remarked, still shocked.
"Are you defending her?!" Ciel asked in a sudden bout of renewed indignation, spurred on by the sting of jealousy.
"No." Zero clarified, shaking his head. "I just hadn't realized it before… but she's probably as messed up as the rest of us."
"Perhaps a little worse." Harpuia remarked with a frown. "Somehow you've always had people watching your back. People you could confide in even if you didn't realize it. But she was always too proud to open up to us about these matters."
A few houses away…
"I really made an ass of myself back there..." Leviathan whimpered dejectedly as she sat on the ground behind a house still under construction.
"The fault lies with us as well." Phantom said as he finally caught up and sat next to her.
He sighed and placed a hand on his sister's shoulder.
"We should not have tried to talk you into coming here so soon." he said with a guilty expression. "Clearly some things cannot be settled just by talking face to face… You need more time."
"I'm the one who made a mess of things." she wailed, as tears began to stream down her face once again. "What the hell was I thinking?! I can't believe I did that!"
Phantom said nothing, instead placing a hand on her back and letting her vent for the time being.
"I've never felt this way before about anyone." she lamented. "I don't know what to do. It drives me crazy. It terrifies me."
Seeing her in such a state hurt him in a way that he did not know how to deal with, but still he tried.
"I suppose this sort of thing is the reason why I keep my own emotions restrained."
"Nothing gets to you." she said bitterly. "You just bounce back. I wish I could be more like you."
"Don't." Phantom hissed. "I am like this because I do not know how to be any other way. But trust me, you do not want to be like me."
"In the end, I guess I'm just as immature and unreliable as that damn copy..." she lamented.
"Don't." he snapped, grabbing her shoulders and staring directly at her, with a look of anger and sorrow she had never seen. "Ever. Say. That. Again."
"Seconded." Harpuia added as he suddenly landed next to them.
"What they said." Fefnir chimed in as he caught up with the others at full sprint.
"You guys..." Leviathan said, caught by surprise.
"We're all messed up here Sis." Fefnir said. "One way or another."
"Hubris." Harpuia said. "Excessive zeal."
"Blind obedience." Phantom added. "Rigid thinking."
"And a good dose of anger management issues." Fefnir said. "But we're all in this together, and don't you fucking forget it."
"Some things definitely dud not turn out the way we'd hoped." Harpuia said. "Other things are changing beyond our ability to predict."
"But we'll get through this." Phantom said with a nod. "By sticking together and finding something we can all believe in."
Meanwhile, Ciel had stormed off to her house to cool her head. However, the day was not over yet as moments later she heard a knock on the door and found Zero waiting outside.
"What?" she asked as she opened the door, still on edge.
"I'm not exactly happy about the way things turned out myself." he said hesitantly. "But I can tell you're even more upset about this than I am."
"I have my reasons." she said defensively, with a sudden rush of heat to her face. "Or would you rather I'd let her do what she wanted?"
"No." he retorted, shaking his head. "I had my suspicions about why she always got so fired up from picking fights with me, but I wasn't expecting… that."
"Oh?"
"Don't get too mad at her for acting rashly while she's in a bad place." Zero said, looking tremendously sad. "We've all done things we're not proud of. But don't get the wrong idea either."
He let out a sigh before explaining further.
"The truth is, I can't give her what she needs. I can't give anyone what they need. I'm not sure why anyone would even come to me looking for that kind of thing in my current state."
"You might be surprised..." she thought, before a sudden fear took hold of her heart. "Or... is this your way of telling me to back off?"
To her surprise, he locked eyes with her and gave her a sudden hug, causing her to let out a surprised squeal.
"One of these days, you and I are going to have a very long conversation." he said softly.
She blinked in confusion.
"What?"
"There is no competition." he whispered.
"What do you mean?" she asked in surprise, her heart suddenly racing.
"Only that what she wanted to take has already been claimed." he whispered, gently running a hand over the top of her head. "But it's not ready for the owner to take possession. Not yet."
At this point the pounding on her chest became nearly unbearable.
"Wh-Who would said owner be then?" she asked weakly, her face turning a furious shade of crimson.
"I think you already know." he said with a soft smile.
"Why can't you speak plainly about this then?" she asked, at this point feeling a little dizzy.
"Very well." he replied, at this point smiling in a way she had never seen him do before. "One day when all of this is over and we're whole again… maybe I'll build a home for us with my own two hands… somewhere quiet, out of the way."
That left her absolutely floored, and for a brief moment she was afraid she might actually faint.
"I'm not ready to give you what you want." Zero said with a sigh. "And you're not ready to receive it. You're still young and we both need time to sort ourselves out."
"B-But..." she stuttered, stunned at the realization that he was aware of her feelings and shocked to discover his own. "Wh-When did you…?"
"I'm not as thick as I look." he said with a smirk. "I tried to pretend not to notice. I tried to fight it. I was never the same after what happened to Iris, even if I couldn't consciously remember it when you found me."
"How did you deal with it all?" she asked with a frown.
"By not letting people get too close." he said plainly. "Those who were already there stayed, but I was reluctant to open up to new people. That woman… your ancestor… came close, but there was not enough time."
"I see..." she said, mournful for all that he had endured and elated by the knowledge of his affection in equal measure. "Some things are making a lot more sense now."
"You were forced to grow up too soon." Zero said mournfully. "It happens too often to the bright and to those in extraordinary circumstances. So here's what I propose. Enjoy the days you still have before you're an adult. When the time is right, we'll talk. I'm not going anywhere."
"Promise?" she asked hesitantly.
"It'll take more than the end of the world to put me down." he said with a smirk, trying to make light of his habit of surviving the impossible.
With that, he put on the best smile he could muster and kissed her forehead. A simple, innocent gesture of affection, but still the farthest he had ever gone. She felt her heart threatening to jump out of her chest, her face practically glowing red with the rush of heat and her legs turning into jelly underneath her. Intoxicated with emotion, she was unable to muster the wits for a retort.
About half an hour later, the Guardians returned, with Leviathan trailing slightly behind them. They found X standing in the middle of the street, as if expecting them, alongside Zero. For some reason they couldn't discern, Ciel was sitting on a folding metal chair, with her eyes as wide as dinner plates, shivering slightly and with her face bright red.
"Is Ciel running a fever?" Harpuia asked as he glanced at her. "You may want to get that checked."
"I-I'm fine..." she stuttered.
"I think you broke her, Zero." X thought as he tried to conceal a smile.
"Well then..." Zero said. "What's this about now?"
The other three Guardians looked pointedly at Leviathan and she hesitantly stepped forward.
"I-I'm terribly sorry for the way I acted." she said, lowering her head and fixating her gaze on the ground. "It will not happen again, and I hope you can forgive me."
This was yet another surprise for the day. Seeing the normally proud and fierce Guardian so timid and vulnerable left almost everyone present at a loss for words.
"Apology accepted." Zero said, though still visibly uncomfortable about the incident.
Then he glanced at Ciel, as if asking if she had something to say, and it was then that Leviathan understood.
"So that's how it is..." she thought, feeling a heaviness in her chest that she did not know what to do with. "Guess I never stood a chance."
"L-Let's not speak of this again." Ciel said, still struggling to regain her composure.
"Well then..." Leviathan thought, determined to at least accept her final defeat with dignity. "If that's how it is, then good luck to both, I guess."
"We will continue to collaborate as previously discussed." Harpuia said, more than eager to change the subject. "But… we are not ready to move into the settlement. The time is not right yet."
"Our offer still stands." X said, though he understood why they would need some distance after such an altercation.
"Don't worry about us." Fefnir said, with a little of his fire returning. "We'll be back later. Of course if you still want to put our dumbass brother back together, we won't stop you either."
"Then we'll keep doing just that." X said. "You know where to find us if you need anything."
Once the Guardians were out of earshot, Axl stepped back in.
"Between this whole bunch, we'd have enough work to keep a shrink busy for decades." he remarked with a strange look on his face.
"Tell me about it." Zero said with a sigh.
"Can you imagine those four lying on a couch while someone asks them about their mother?" Axl scoffed.
"Technically, wouldn't that be..." X said, though he did not finish his sentence, glancing at Ciel and understanding that the time was not right for that kind of levity.
"What would that make us?" Axl pondered in a hushed tone. "Family sitcom material?"
"I-I still don't know." Ciel managed to say, slowly regaining her composure. "How do you manage to keep cracking jokes after everything you've been through?"
It was then that Axl looked at her with a sad smile.
"But Doc..." he said, sounding incredibly tired. "I am Pagliacci."
And with that, he sat down under the nearest tree, allowing himself to rest.
"Axl..." X said with a sigh. "All this time, you were hurting as much as the rest of us..."
"Pagliacci?" Ciel asked, a little confused.
"It's an old anecdote, from long before our time." X said, actually a little surprised that Axl knew it.
X closed his eyes for a moment and explained.
"It goes something like this. A man is incredibly depressed and goes to a doctor."
"The doctor says that he should take the day off and go see this great clown." Zero added, remembering the story as well. "That Pagliacci can make anyone laugh and feel better about themselves. You can guess the rest."
"I see..." Ciel pondered, still surprised that he would have been hiding under everyone's noses for so long. "I guess I didn't really know Axl until recently. At first I thought he was a bit of an eccentric, maybe still a little on the immature side. Now I finally understand."
She walked to Axl, who at this point was just looking at her.
"Very good Doc." Axl said. "I guess my shapeshifting abilities can't hide some things completely."
"And so you play the part of the goofball." she said. "You tried to cheer other people up with your antics and forget your own pain."
"Oh, it's not all bad." Axl said, perking up slightly. "After all, the old trio is together again, and we have something new and exciting to look forward to. That's all I need."