Spock likes to vet the transfers to the Enterprise, and Jim has never seen a reason to stop that, even as he's sure that the Vulcan has probably even denied a transfer because of something fishy he'd found. But, he's found a trust in Spock that only rivals his trust in Bones. If Spock decides someone shouldn't be on this ship, Jim is inclined to believe him.

Nevertheless, it usually only takes a few hours for Spock to get through the list, and then he returns with the approved names. Jim never told him, but he still knows somehow that the Captain likes to learn the names of his crew and obliges him. It's those little surprising things that Jim loves him for makes him the best First Officer in the fleet.

It's all very usual, at least until he hears a certain name.

"-Ensign A. Reve, Lieutenant K. Riley-"

All of a sudden, Jim sits up straight from his slouching position in the Captain's chair. Spock just pauses because of course he noticed, an eyebrow raising in a silent question… well, not so much a question as an expectation for an answer.

"That wouldn't happen to be a Kevin Riley, would it?" Jim asks, excited despite himself.

"This is indeed his name, Captain," Spock replied smoothly. "Is he an acquaintance of yours?"

"Yeah," Jim replied, features softening. "He's an… old friend."

Would Kevin even remember him? He didn't know. He was the youngest of the surviving eight, after all. But in the end, whether he knew it or not didn't matter. Jim buried JT deep inside, yes. But there was a part of him that remained that would always, always protect his kids.

(They met again when Lt. Riley is beamed up to the Enterprise, and the other's eyes light up in recognition, and he almost says something before Jim sticks out his hand.

"Captain Jim Kirk," he introduces, and Kevin understands.)

Jim's nursing something that smells like the alcohol content is higher than what is legal, but it's just for show. Despite the fact that he'd love something to calm his nerves and settle his mind, he doesn't dare let down his guard here. Being alone was enough of a risk. But there wasn't another option. It's a party, after all. One Starfleet officer is easy to write off. Two, three, more? More suspicious than could be afforded.

He smiles when appropriate, makes small talk when approached, but for the most part just watches from the sidelines. It might surprise some to see him so reserved, but his friends and crew know that it really isn't so out of character. This is not the charming, easy going Jim Kirk. This is Starfleet Captain James T. Kirk, who does not give up, who does not play games, who does not, under any circumstances, let down his guard. If there is even a remote chance Kodos is here, he cannot be anything else.

He lingers for an hour, another, with some appearance of the other cast members, but none of the famous actor Karidian- otherwise known as the infamous genocidal general Kodos. It surprises him, really, that someone so egotistical didn't come to a party in his own (fake) honor. But all he's met with is empty expectations.

A whole lot of nothing, and he leaves frustrated and needing a new plan.

It's late at night, staring at the ceiling that he's already mentally making the calls and arrangements for Plan B.

Neither Jim nor JT ever fully understood Kodos, but he knows one thing: now that he's a forbidden fruit, he's the perfect bait to draw Kodos out of hiding. But the problem comes down to this- will he even be able to stay in the same room as the man without losing his composure? Well, to be fair, there's also another, equally difficult problem.

What should he tell his crew?

Telling them all every little detail of the past he's tried so hard to forget is obviously not the answer. Besides horrifying them, who would have respect for him after that? But there is the option of telling his closest friends, his crushes, something. He desperately wants to explain why this man undoes him so completely, why this mission is so personal it shakes him to his very core. He wants to be truthful with them. Wants them to comfort him.

But it's not to be.

How would they react, knowing their captain, their friend they've trusted and respected, had let himself be someone's sex slave in a contract always meant to be broken? What would they do, once they saw him as he truly was? He doubted Spock would think he was capable of command after that, and he could almost see what scathing things Bones would write to Starfleet HQ about how he was unfit to lead. Friendship, or more, would be unthinkable if they knew. So what to say? He certainly couldn't be bait without backup, or even a plan of attack. It would just be a self made trap at that point.

No. He had to bring Kodos to him. Force his hand. It was the only way he could both keep his dignity and have the advantage.

He doesn't eat breakfast that morning, walking by the mess hall without a second glance. Why bother? He would just end up throwing it up. It would be the third time since he woke this morning. Maybe it wasn't healthy, but Jim didn't care at this point. He had to shove down his panicked emotions and frustratingly stubborn problems to get this done, and he couldn't let Kodos get away with what he'd done to the colony of Tarsus IV.

(Jim couldn't let Kodos hurt anyone ever again.)

He doesn't notice the sharp dark eyes of the Vulcan First Officer watching him walk by, before leaving himself and heading for sick bay.

The message comes right on cue.

It'd been easy, to set the pieces. Get Karidian's travel canceled with a well timed personal favor. Let the word spread that the Enterprise was in the vicinity, headed by the well known James T. Kirk. All he needed to do was wait and hope he'd take the all too enticing bait. Sitting in his captain's chair, his posture is seemingly relaxed and careless, but he can feel Spock's eyes on his too tense shoulders. Spock was always too damn perceptive. At least Bones hadn't cornered him somewhere yet. There was a reason he'd avoided sick bay since this debacle began.

Bones couldn't worry about what he didn't see.

As suspicious as it was that Bones hadn't cornered him yet and demanded to know why Jim hadn't stopped by for a drink or even just poked his head in for some quick banter, Jim didn't have time to worry about that. When this was all over, he'd make it up to him. In just a few days, everything would be back to normal and everything would be fine. It was that thought that kept him calm in the wave of stress and terror that threatened to drown him.

Everything would be back to normal soon.

He could bury his past again, bury JT, and no one could think any different of him because no one would know. If nothing else, his main goal was to shoulder this entirely by himself, like he always has. But that… that was going to be difficult. Spock and Bones always seemed to meddle themselves in his affairs, and generally he didn't often mind. After all, he did the exact same thing. But this time… this time was different.

This time was about Kodos, and Tarsus IV, and everything he'd run from. They were just his friends. His best friends, yes, but they shouldn't have to shoulder the burden of his past.

"-ptain? Captain!"

Jim was dragged out of his thoughts by the voice of his most trusted communications officer.

"Ah. Sorry, lost in my thoughts. What is it, Uhura?"

"There's a message for you, Captain."

Yes, right on time, but Jim felt underprepared.

(Honestly… He knew he'd never be ready to face Kodos again, and this time for the other to face him right back. But it was happening anyway. He shouldn't be surprised. That's always how it was with Kodos. He didn't want it, want anything, but it happened anyway.)

A migraine was forming, unsurprisingly.

Jim was always prone to them in times of stress, and knowing his tormenter was on board his ship definitely counted. He usually was a pretty calm leader, but he tended to be a bit… irritable when he was stressed, and the crew and ship knew him well enough to let him be when that happened. Rubbing his temples and grimacing must've been a huge warning sign to stay away. After all, as he'd wanted, his crew didn't know what was going on, just that their captain was in a bad mood… and, accordingly, not talk or approach him unless necessary.

Or at least, that's what most of them did.

Spock had forgone his usual position on the bridge, and instead took his place next to the Captain's chair.

"Are you sure this is the course of action you wish to take, Captain?" Spock asked cooly, seemingly unfazed by Jim's frown and general aura of annoyance.

"What's done is done," Jim replied, bitterly despite himself. "They're on the ship. There's no going back now, Mister Spock."

Spock did not reply, but Jim didn't even have to look at him to see the simple, single eyebrow raise in response. That unspoken sass that Spock would surely deny if pointed out (such things being… unbecoming of a Vulcan, but perfect in Jim's opinion) was one of the many things that he loved about him. But right now… Right now it made that slow building irritation just grow. Yes, Jim was hiding things, but he'd done that before and things had turned out fine, so why didn't Spock just trust him?

(He knew, of course, that he could never expect Spock to be anything other than a being who challenges him, and that was a good thing. But right now, it stung, stung like a betrayal and right now he just could not handle that)

"If you are in pain, Captain, perhaps a visit to Dr. McCoy is in order." Spock's voice is smooth as always, a calm suggestion but it ignites something furious and uncontrolled in the blond.

"I'm fine." It comes out snapped, more vicious than Jim intends, but the Vulcan falls quiet once again and that's all that matters. Except Jim doesn't feel satisfied, just a cold regret filling his insides instead. It wasn't fair to Spock, or any of the crew, to deal with his moods, with his fucking inability to deal with his past even with years to do so. It wasn't fair to them.

It has to stop now. He stood, shoulders rigid and back rimrod straight as he headed for the door.

"Captain?" This time, it was a question. Perhaps he thought Jim had changed his mind and decided to go to the med bay after all. It was laughable, if he did.

"The bridge is yours, Mister Spock. I'm going to… visit Karidian."

Jim stands outside Kodos' door for longer than probably appropriate, trying to perfect his Captain facade and reinforce his walls. He knew he might fall apart if he didn't, and now wasn't the time for such things. Any weakness would be exploited, so there could be no weaknesses. Five minutes passed before he took a breath and finally entered.

"It's about time, James. At this point, I'd assumed you'd lost your nerve."

Kodos was waiting for him. Of course he was waiting for him.

And just like that, all his hard work preparing himself went to waste. Hearing that name, Jim wants to throw up all over again. It's worse, so much worse hearing it from those lips than any other person who was stubborn enough that they didn't listen when he asked to be called Jim. But he should've expected it, he knows. Entering Kodos' cabin on his ship had risks.

Kodos is fishing for a reaction, but Jim's fists just clench by his sides, his face emotionless even as he sees the glint of a phaser in Kodos' hand.

In contrast, Kodos is relaxed, leaning against the wall with his usual smirk, despite the fact he's pointing a weapon at a Starship Captain and his personal former victim. It's what Jim has expected. Of course he would have set up his own trap. But Kodos is no longer the genocidal dictator with thousands of lives in his hands, and Jim is no longer a powerless preteen at his mercy.

Things have changed, and Jim suspected he wasn't the only one unbalanced with this flip of power. Jim could easily kill Kodos right now, and would be justified to do so with that phaser pointed in his face, and that wasn't even counting the hell that man put him and so many others through. But he was still one of the lucky ones. He'd survived.

Anger burned deep in his chest.

Kevin was on his ship, and protecting him was top priority. He had to be calm. He couldn't let rage overwhelm him.

"Nothing to say, James?"

It was only then he had a voice, and it took everything to keep it steady and calm.

"No. I have a million things to say to you, Kodos. I could tell you all the things I've accomplished despite what you did to me on Tarsus IV, or try to scare you about how they treat people like you in prison. I could try and intimate you, tell you all the things I've done so you're properly scared. But as it is, I've nothing that's worth saying to someone like you, except that if you give yourself up now I'll take you to the brig unharmed. I can't promise the same if you resist, and I doubt the ship's doctor will be sympathetic enough to treat non lethal injuries."

Kodos huffed, smirk not even wavering as he took a step towards Jim. "You're like a little boy in his father's suit. All this bluster? Your composure? You may have everyone else fooled, but not me. You're no captain, not really. Once a whore, always a whore, James. You'll never be anything else, and we both know it."

Something unreadable sparked in Jim's eyes.

Suddenly, overwhelming calmness settled over his body, and then he just felt... nothing. Just like back then, he felt numb.

Because, he knew, Kodos was right.

"This isn't about me," he stated flatly. "This is about you, and your crimes, Kodos. Your undeserved freedom ends here."

"What are you going to do?" the other replied with a huff. "Find a way to overpower me and kill me yourself? Parade my head through the hallways for all your crew to see?"

Whatever was there before faded away, and now a fire burned in Jim's eyes. "Didn't you hear what I just said? This isn't about me. For all the pain you've caused, every death, you will face in court. As angry as I am, as much as I want to choke your life out of you, I am not who I used to be." He is not JT anymore, and that's the only thought that keeps his fists firmly at his side. "Besides, killing you out of anger would be too merciful for what you deserve."

Kodos then took a step forward, another and another until the phaser was just inches from Jim's chest.

"You're forgetting who holds the power here." Fury instead of amusement laced his tone. Was it me who made him so angry? Jim wondered. It's in that moment that he finally understands. Kodos wanted Jim to lose his temper, allow himself to be beyond anger, but he couldn't And it was his it was his fault in the first place that Jim didn't feel anything. It's your fault, yet you blame me.

"What, you don't like that?" Jim couldn't stop the sickening satisfaction that dripped from his words, taking his own step forward so the weapon poked into his shirt. "Then maybe you shouldn't have broken your little toy soldier. Or, should I say your little se-"

"Captain." He would know that voice anywhere. It's a statement all on it's own, should be reassuring, but Jim's blood runs ice cold. Kodos' own eyes widen, and in that moment he's at least a little thankful that he was such a good damn distraction that he didn't notice the door way suddenly becoming accompanied. Jim takes the moment to swipe the phaser from the other's frozen hands, and turns.

It's Spock, of course, as he expected. Facing a Vulcan with his own phaser, and a couple armed red shirts, and now disarmed himself, Kodos wastes no time raising his hands in surrender. With power ripped away, a coward always shows his true colors.

He quickly walks past Kodos, and his crew, with only a rushed 'take him to the brig'. Spock doesn't stop him, but the way his arm lifts slightly before returning to the side practically shouts he wants to. But Jim doesn't stop, doesn't look back until he gets back to his quarters and locks the door. Even Bones, with his medical clearance, can't get in.

It was all over, in a moment.

(Except it's not, because Spock heard everything, and that only means he's going to lose everything)

With that thought, now alone, he finally falls apart.