This chapter has topics of abuse. Please do not read if you are sensitive to this.
You have been warned
Pennywise and I walked hand in hand for what seemed like hours. We didn't speak but instead just enjoyed the silence and the quiet snow falling around us as we walked in the direction of the quarry. The blizzard from earlier had finally quit, leaving behind the prettiest blanket of snow, covering everything for miles. As Pennywise and I continued our quiet stroll it dawned on me how warm I felt all over. That's when I realized that elements from the cold and wind didn't seem to affect me much. Whether or not this was the case all the time or just a perk, I had no idea. Honestly, I didn't want to think about it right now. All I wanted was Pennywise, food, and a shower. Pretty much in any order or at once. I'm not about to be picky.
It wasn't long before we came up the edge of a cliff, the icy quarry water's mirroring the moon and stars reflecion below. Pennywise and I turned in the direction of a nearby pathway, walking hand in hand so we could get closer to the water. I couldn't wait to finally get washed up. The water was so still and dark it almost had the appearance of black tar. The very outer edge of the pool had formed a ring of ice, creating a natural perfect circle. What surprised me the most about this quarry was how brightly lit up everything was around us. Glancing up, I realized that tonight was a full moon. It made perfect sense then why tonight of all nights it would be the night I turned into something else, something different, and not at all human. I've heard about the crazies out on a full moon. So, what did that make me?
Whatever transformation I underwent earlier appropriately comes with a few side effects that don't show up immediately. Nothing that some food, sleep, a joint and cheeseburger couldn't cure. Common side effects of life altering physical changes may include: Headache, nausea, backache, immunity to the elements, dizziness, arousal and raging hunger. Funny, pretty sure I saw this commercial recently.
We arrived at a perfect little gravel clearing at the end of the slope. The ring of ice around the outer edge stopped me from just jumping or running in. I let go of my clownboy's hand and made my way to the thick ice ring at the water's edge. Unfortunately, since I was in heels, I couldn't just tip-toe over the ice and lower myself at the edge. Plus the added side effects, the chances of me falling on my face seemed pretty high. To make sure that wouldn't happen, I sat at the edge where the gravel and the ice ring started. As I leaned over to unstrap my first heel I saw the most amazing thing. The closer my hand got to the ice the faster it melted away. I quickly turned around and saw Penny watching me with a smirk and very curious eyes. This had to be just as new to him as it was for me. Turning back to the ice, I waved my hand over the whole ring in front of me. Sure enough, I witnessed the ring melt away with a small amount of steam coming from the top of the water. I finished removing my heels and stretched out my legs to dip my toes in first.
What should have felt like stepping into a frozen margarita felt more like a spring pond. The cooling water gave me goosebumps but was not at all unpleasant. Realizing I wasn't about to freeze to death, I scooted forward until the water was covering my waist. Even with wings (still trying to wrap my brain around that one) I was able to sit comfortably and just enjoy the peace that I felt. I was scooping water into my hands and washing the blood off my chest and arms as I tried to process everything that's happened to me in the last 48 hours. And, if anything, it intensified the headache I already had. All I wanted was to scrub away the feeling that Gary had left behind. Anything that Gary had touched, had whipped, kissed,...penetrated. I needed it washed away forever.
Soon, I was scrubbing every surface of my skin. Even reaching down and grabbing a handful of gravel, using it as an abrasive to get more of Gary's blood and stink off me. I looked down at the outfit I had put on back at the cabin. The water had turned the fabric almost clear and clung to my breast and neck like a second skin. I wanted to feel beautiful and sexy again. After all, it was a gorgeous ensemble and my skin had a glow to it from the moonlight. None of it mattered since all I felt was disgust. I had been violated. I had been humiliated, kidnapped, tortured. I continued my relentless scrubbing with my handful of gravel when I began to sob. Not from the cuts the gravel was leaving behind but from the memories that Gary left me with.
I also had seen his thoughts. Clear as the night sky before me were the images of the women that had been Gary's victims. I desperately wanted to know where he buried them. Find them and bring closure to the remains after years of being forgotten in the dirt. I knew what these women went through first hand and none of them deserved to be left behind. Unfortunately, I knew that without any more clues there would be no way for me to recover their bodies. And assuming I could find one, what would I do with her? Bury her somewhere else? Say a few words over what was left of her? I couldn't go to the police. How would I possibly explain how I got away from Gary or knew about his victims? Or even explain the heart as the only piece of him left in the living room of a cabin I never want to see again?
No. I knew there would be no helping these women and that broke me. I started scrubbing at my skin harder, this time with my long claws coming out. Deep, large cuts kept opening and healing closed with each pass. A pitiful sob and fresh hot tears fell from my eyes. I mourned for them and for myself. I may have survived this ordeal but I wouldn't have as a human. In the end, that was the only thing that truly saved me. I only survived because I was a freak. As another sob escaped my throat I buried my head in my hands, feeling guilty.
But I HAD survived. I would always have to keep reminding myself of that. No matter what, that was what was important. Not the how or why. But that I had lived and that the world was rid of one less piece of shit that could never hurt anyone again. If there was a light at the end of this fucked up tunnel, it was that bit of knowledge that kept me sane. I continued to scrub at my neck with my claws, still making an attempt to rid himself from my body.
Pennywise came to sit behind me, his legs on either side of me. Before I could tear another line of skin on my chest a white gloved hand stopped me. Pennywise slowly engulfs me with his oversized arms, a comforting and protective gesture. In that act, my resolve finally breaks as I let myself be held by the only person I could trust now. The gut wrenching sobs and cries of anguish filled the air around us: amplified and echoed by the quarry walls. My sobs became yells, my yells turned into screams. I beat my hands against Penny's legs, not to punish him for what he did, but to get all the rage I felt for Gary out so I never had to think of him again after this. I would let my heart break this one last time. Pennywise, saying nothing, just held onto me as I let out my last cry of despair. The final cry being a purge from my lungs and from the very depths of my soul.
As silence came back over the quarry, I leaned back to rest my head on the firm chest of my monster lover. I realize now how hard it would have been for Penny to have watched that happen and not do anything he could to stop it. Had the roles been reversed I really don't think I would have lasted for as long as he did. We sat there in the shallow water and I couldn't imagine my life without him now. Somehow, in this moment, his being here for me right now was evidence that he needed me too.
It instantly dawns on me that my clownboy's world has also been turned upside down. We never did get a chance to talk about friends or family much but I can imagine that he doesn't have many of either. There was finally another monster in his life and it was me. My heart swells at the idea of having him always be in my life from this moment on. To think there had to be a second where I was almost lost to him? It had to be an unfamiliar sensation to almost lose someone who he cares about.
"Quinn..", Pennywise, finally breaking the silence, whispered my name so softly it was almost lost to the night, "I thought I'd lost you forever." I almost cried again knowing I was right remembering he can hear my thoughts when I'm in his arms.
Pennywise had been there the whole time and had been holding back rescuing me from that piece of trash. And the second I was transformed, he was there for me. Penny's arms engulfed me impossibly tighter against him. Maybe it was reality settling in that he almost lost me earlier or maybe it was something else. It was clear that he really loved the new me and the physical changes that came with it. And yet, everything else was also….different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I'm not even sure if it was a good or bad thing yet but I knew one thing for certain. In this moment, being in Pennywise's arms was exactly where I wanted, no, needed to be.
"I'm not going anywhere, Pennywise. You already mean so much to me and I can't imagine being anywhere else that you aren't by my side."
"I would kill every last human in Derry for you, Quinn. Just give me the word and I'll give you this whole town. I'll give you the world. Say you'll be mine, be my everything."
I tilted my head up to look into those impossibly blue eyes. Pennywise may have the face of a monster but you can always tell by the eyes. And right now, maybe even until the end of time, he only has eyes for me. "I'm yours, clownboy. I've never stopped being your's." Kiss me, I thought. Knowing that in his arms he could hear what I wanted.
Pennywise pulled me up to his mouth, mine covering his the second I could. I knew the kiss would be wet since I was soaked and his lips always seemed to be too. But what I wasn't prepared for is how he tasted. There was a hint of something metal tasting which had to be the blood from his meal earlier. But overall he tasted like pure sugar and something else I couldn't put my finger on. Almost like cotton candy melting in fresh orange juice. I opened my mouth wide enough for him to slip his tongue inside and a deep moan from his throat traveled all the way down to mine. We kissed each other for a long while, with as much passion I didn't think possible from a killer clown. And I was his now, in every way I could be for him.
When our lips finally separated, I was just opening my mouth to tell him something I have never told anyone else in a relationship when my stomach very loudly announced how very, VERY empty it was. Embarrassed, I crack open an eye to look up to Pennywise, who has an ear to ear grin on his face and pure delight in his eyes.
"Are you laughing at a battered woman's hunger pains, clown boy?", I somehow managed not to giggle at him. Pretty sure the last thing I had to eat was that granola bar at the creek this morning. Coffee with Phillip doesn't count since coffee is life and I need that shit to function. Fuck, I could down a whole italian sub sandwich, large cheese fry, chocolate covered strawberries, and a bottle of Sangria with very little effort right now.
"I never laugh about food, peaches" he said with a silly smile and light tinkle of the bells on his suit, "I need that shit to function." What a mind-reading smart ass. Damnit, he just gets more likeable by the minute and I can't help but return his toothy smile. And, at the mere thought of greasy food and booze my stomach decided to agreely quite loudly again.
"Pennywise?"
"Yes, Quinn?"
"Take me back to the rental. Take me home"
Pennywise held me tight and supernaturally blinked us out of existence in the Quarry. Once again there was that moment of nothingness. No oxygen or gravity. Just silence and darkness. And before I can even process anything else we were back in the middle of the living room of the rental house.
With my mind still on food and little else I was completely caught off guard as Olivia wakes up from her nap on the couch quite suddenly, losing her mind when she notices us. I had completely forgotten about Olivia! Well, son of a bitch, now I'm a piece of crap pet owner who just up and abandoned her dog in an unfamiliar place. It takes almost 20 minutes for me to be greeted by Olivia. Luckily, she is non-hellhound looking otherwise she would be destroying her surroundings and I'd lose a very pricey deposit.
"So, I'm going to take a real shower, set these close on fire and order take out since I'm in no mood to cook. Did you want me to get you anything to eat?" Even though Pennywise and Olivia are playing tug of war with one of her toys he stops what he's doing to give me a suggestive look. That look turned into a toothy smile and his eyes traveled up and down my body. I tried not to squirm but that was a lost cause.
"If there is one thing in the world I'm looking forward to tasting, Quinn, it's you. But." Breathe, Quinn, don't forget to breathe!, "after what you've been through today I can wait. I'm not patient but for you I can….try"
I let out a breath after realizing I needed oxygen to speak. Damnit, everytime he speaks it's like a stroke to my nether regions. "You might get your wish sooner rather than later. BUT," I said a little to loudly, "I need to feel like myself again and really need these human minutes. Also, now that you mention it, does this," gesturing to all of me, "have an off switch?"
Pennywise chuckles as he gets up off the floor and reaches for my hands. "You should have an 'off switch' as you so put it. It's really not that hard. Just think about what you want to look like and then it just happens. You can try closing your eyes at first to see if that helps. As you get better at it it will just happen instantly. Like this."
I watch as right before me Pennywise changes from a clown to Phillip, to a clown again. It's both impressive and unsettling. "Now you try," Penny says encouragingly.
I close my eyes as instructed and think about what I looked like before I turned into a winged demon. Since the last memory I have of me looking in a mirror was when I was at the cabin I tried to search back farther where I didn't look like this. The best memory I have is when I could see myself in the reflection of the TV as I was dancing/working out. It was honestly my favortie memory because that was when I teased the fuck out of my new clown lover. I remember the way my thighs burned and the way my hair looked while I flipped it to cascade down my back. I'll never forget how I ran my hands up and down my curves to tease Pennywise further as he drooled on my window. It's obvious Penny is remembering it too since he started gripping my fingers just a little tighter. Just as I was remembering my body and all the ways it moved when I danced I suddenly felt lighter. Penny released my hands as I opened my eyes and I glanced over my shoulder. The wings were gone and I cautiously lifted my hands to my head. The horns and tail were also nowhere to be found.
"Hey, look at that! I'm me again!"
Pennywise wraps his arms around me and scoops me up, lifting me off the ground and spins us both. "Oh, Peaches. I can't wait to show you everything. We are going to learn so much about you and I can't wait to be by your side for all of it."
"Awe, so you do like me?," I say to him, blushing a little.
Pennywise plants a few wet kisses on my face before setting me down. He turns me and slaps my ass before steering me towards the bathroom. "You better get in there right now before I do something you're not ready for, Peaches."
I was at the bathroom door when I turned to Pennywise. He stood there with Olivia at his side, both of them pretty much panting and drooling at me but for very different reasons. My goodness, they are just adorable like this.
"Penny?" I'm not sure where my insecurity came from but I was not looking forward to being alone right now. I don't know what would happen if I came out and he wasn't here. I needed him too much. Now more than ever. Clingy much. Whatever brain. I'm not clingy, just emotional. Honestly, after what I went through, I can be whatever the hell I want.
"Yes, Quinn?"
"You'll be here when I'm done, right?"
"Always."
Roughly 2 hours in the bathroom later, I felt like me again. On top of that, I felt energized. I was still hella hungry but the fact that I was clean and I had scrubbed away all traces of what happened made me feel like a million bucks. In fact, I decided to test my new abilities and change a few things. While I had been blow drying my hair and applying a tiny amount of makeup I realized that I wanted something different. Earlier, my hair had been blood red and it had looked amazing. The color was exactly the same shade on Penny's face and nose. It seemed fitting to go with a color that would match my significant other. Plus, I was already starting the new year as literally a new...whatever I was. Might as well accept what is and embrace that side of me everyday.
I used the new ability that Penny had shown me earlier and closed my eyes, imagining what my hair should look like. There was a second where I could feel the shift in weight on my head but it passed just as quickly. When I opened my eyes again staring back at me was my face surrounded by a full wave of red locks. I couldn't contain my smile knowing Penny would approve. In retrospect, I'm sure I could alter my whole body if I wanted to. Who doesn't love the idea of bigger or smaller unflattering body parts? In the end, I left my body alone. I figured, this is what I was given and this is what I should appreciate. Changing my hair was one thing. But the idea of being someone completely different had zero appeal to me. I loved what I had and was really good at flaunting it. Why change that?
With a towel wrapped around my body and hair, only to surprise Penny once I was done, I sprinted out of the bathroom and bee line for the bedroom. "10 more minutes, promise!," I all but shouted before closing the door on any response from my guest. I'm not sure why I was so looking forward to impressing Pennywise with my clothes and hair. For all I know he doesn't care about any of those things seeing as he is a magical being and lives in a well next door. Either way, I dumped the contents of my suitcase on the bed just hoping to find something that would go with this hair. Finally, settling on a baggy black tee shirt that I tied in a knot at my waist and tight green shorts. I was just about to walk out of the bedroom when a funny idea came to mind. Reaching into another bag I had packed, I put on a pair of knee-high black with white striped sport socks. I opened the door and took a few steps back before running and sliding on my socks, stopping just a few feet from Pennywise who is sitting on the couch. The Risky Business move was a classic but there is no way I'm going to wiggle how Mr. Cruise did. Especially since what he did was flopping around, not dancing.
"Ta-Da! What do you think? You like the hair?" I spun around in a few pique turns with an elegant bow at the end. Standing up straight, I can see that Pennywise has an intense look to him. Olivia, of course, could care less seeing as she is sitting in front of her food bowl. I promise Olivia, you can eat in just a few minutes.
Pennywise is watching me like a starved bear out of hibernation. If this was an episode on Animal Planet, I'm very confident I'd be a snack for the bear. Damn, regardless of the night I had, making Pennywise want me is still number one on my to do list. Seeing his face struggle to keep it together is now becoming a favorite pastime. I know he wants to touch me but I also know he's trying not to over do it. Let's be real, I want him all over me like a bottle of expensive lotion. Maybe not straight to crazy sex where we end up setting the town ablaze but I would never say no to second or third base with Derry's hottest local. And by hot I mean my new killer clown boyfriend who may or may not be fascinated with my new look.
"Peaches..", pennywise growls out as he reaches for my hands, pulling me on top of him. Not complaining but I always seem to end up in his lap. It reminded me of sitting on Santa's lap at the mall when I was a kid. Except, Santa didn't make me wet in between my legs and my knees weak. Ew and thank God for that.
Penny's has one hand on the small of my back and another is playing with my hair. Those eyes instantly changed from blue to orange to red, back to orange. His hand grips a handful of my hair into his fist, pulling it to his face and takes a deep breath through his nose. Again, his eyes turn colors except now it's rainbow effect before his lids flutter close. He keeps them closed and I can tell by the stiffness under my ass that my man is fighting to hold himself back. It wasn't too long ago that he said I smelled like peach cobbler. Hence the peaches nickname. Maybe my smell is different now after everything has happened.
"Yes, peaches. You smell..different and the same from before. You still smell like peach cobbler but there's something else. It's the most amazing thing I've ever smelled but I have no memory of it. What IS THAT!?" Pennywise takes another huge inhale of my hair and moans, loudly. So loudly , in fact, Olivia barks a few times causing me to laugh.
"Ok, ok, not so rough. Let me order some food. You can smell my hair later." I forcibly pull my hair out of his grasp and jump up before Penny knows what happened. I grab my phone from the coffee table, thankful that I left it here last night instead of losing it on my walk. Wandering in the kitchen, I finished placing an order for a local 24 hour diner. I had completely forgotten I was no longer in the city so having something available at this hour was a small miracle. With zero shame I ordered about $40 worth of the greasiest stuff on the menu. I usually try to stick to my diet but right now is not the time for watching what I eat. This bitch is starving because it's been a hot minute since I've eaten. Momma needs calories, bad.
"So, clownboy, what you wanna …", I turned around and realized I was apparently talking to nothing. The couch was empty so I went to check the bedroom. Hmm, not here. The bathroom maybe? Nope, nothing.
"Hello?" I called out. Ok, this is weird. He was totally here getting aroused by my hair a minute ago. Why would he disappear?
"Pennywise?", I said with a small voice. He wasn't supposed to leave. I know I can handle being alone but he said he would be here with me. How could he just leave like that? What if he went home? He does live right next door. Maybe he went to go get a few things to stay the night? That's stupid! He doesn't want you anymore since you won't put out. Shut it, brain. That's not it. He wouldn't just leave me alone like that.
Would he?
Ok, so maybe I shouldnt have teased him so much. That has to be why he left. I can apologize. Oh! I can text him. I still have no idea how he does it but maybe he'll answer me and tell me where he ran off to.
Hey, clownboy. Where did you run off too? - Quinn
I sat with my phone in my hand for about 15 minutes before trying again.
Penny, is everything ok? - Quinn
Another 10 minutes goes by and my food finally arrives. The young man gave me a weird look as he handed me three bags of carbohydrates, cheese and greeze. I tip the driver cash and leave the bags on my table.
Ok, now I'm really worried. If you don't text me back in 10 minutes I'm going next door to find you. - Quinn
The smell of the food finally got to me, and apparently Olivia, so I sat and devoured the food without tasting it. There were still two hamburgers and a chili dog left so I just gave it to Olivia. She deserved it after being left alone for so long. The 10 minutes I told Pennywise were long gone before I finally came to the conclusion that something had to be wrong. I have no idea what happened between the couch and my food order but I needed to find him to make sure he was ok.
Going back to my suitcase I changed into jeans, converse and slipped a more practical sweater on. Going into the well meant I was about to get dirty and probably soaked in Lord only knows what. Now was not the time to look cute. I double checked mine and Olivia's backpack of hiking supplies before strapping her up. There was no way I was going down into a dark well without some protection, regardless of what I'm now capable of. Olivia has always been my protector and I'm not sure what we are going to find down here. I just hope Pennywise is ok.
"Come on, girl. Let's go find our clown."