Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe!
Title: I don't need the world to see I've been the best I can be
Summary: Greg and Barb become an item, forcing Sadie and Steven to find middle ground between their hectic lives.
Chapter Title: Kids Aren't Alright
...
Alaskanbullworm: wow actually thats a lot longer than id thought it be
-Alaskanbullworm changed their name to ABW-
ABW: anyway
Cap'n: bro what happened? Are you okay?
ABW: i am. Very tired.
ABW: i've been talking with a therapist and a doctor and they both agree that i don't get the proper amount of hours
ABW: also I probably have depression anxiety and CPTSD, so thats fun
Connie: twinsies
ABW: aint that just like us lol
ABW: sp yeah sorry in advance bc this is gonna be really low energy, but I hate leaving ppl in the dark
ABW: monster? Me. Issues? Have. Sorry? Very.
Yalldve: what the hell was all that, steven?
Pizzadreamsaremadeofthis: yeah
Pizzadreamsaremadeofthis: normally I respect ur privacy but a giant Godzilla showed up and fought a hand and I am NOT okay without at least getting basic confirmation on your health
ABW: hoo boy alright
ABW: basic answer is no
ABW: complex answer is hell no
ABW: the jidst is that i've been downspiraling for a long time and I hit my limit
ABW: and, well, Diamond powers are OP af even when they're going against you
ABW: but after some hugs and kisses i've stabilized enough to retain my form again and confront my issues
Wooloo: and yoour alien moms never noticed? You're a kid, bro, not a method actor
ABW: i mean youre a bit wrong on the second part but
ABW: mental health isn't a thing with Gems
ABW: Wait no lemme rephrase
ABW: mental health isn't prioritized among Gems
ABW: the worth of gems is always applied tp their usefulness, not their mental stability, so everyone just kind of ignored problematic behavior in exchange for good work
Connie: which is. Very fucked
ABW: very ducked indeed
ABW: especially since we're quickly learning that mental health issues ARE a thing Gems face. They don't age or get sick but they can get traumatized and hurt
ABW: amethyst actually made waves on homeworld bc shes a defective quartz AND the first gem to ever be diagnosed with clinical depression
ABW: and while all my weird aunts have issues for days i'm the first to have a label slapped on it.
ABW: you'd think the attempted child murder would have helped them realize that sooner
STEENSTEVEN: the WHAT
Connie: Diamonds didn't realize that maybe shoving human chikdren into rooms with no food or water for earth days is actually Not A Good Punishment until like a year ago
Connie: and like, logically, it's not smth they'd know
Connie: but also fuck them for that
ABW: I meant the other time
Connie: oh.
STEENSTEVEN: the fucking WHAT
ABW: i've been shopping for a therapist, and the one thing all of them seem to agree on is that I need to be more open about things
ABW: so here I go i guess
ABW: i got my gem ripped out
Yalldve: YOU WHAT
Yalldve: YO WHO HURT YOU
Yalldve: ILL KICK THEIR ASS BOO
Cap'n: Isn't? That? Your life source?
STEENSTEVEN: It's WHAT
ABW: yes and no
ABW: yes being I will absolutely die without it
ABW: no that it's as simple as a life source
ABW: think of it like, say, your organ system
ABW: sure, you'd die from blood loss without it, but there's a lot you also just. Won't be able to do even if you didn't. Eat. Breathe. Etc.
LookingForward: Jesus christ, Steven
LookingForward: I'm so sorry you went through that
ABW: it's fine.
ABW: i don't really remember a lot of it.
ABW: and neither do the Gems, actually
Connie: They were kind of possessed
STEENSTEVEN: They were WHAT
ABW: look, it's a long story
ABW: but there you go
ABW: my big bad secret
Cap'n: that's terrible man
Cap'n: I know the answer is obvious but are you.. okay?
Cap'n: like is there anything we can do to make this more comfortable for you?
ABW: nothing comes to mind, but i'll let you know if that changes
ABW: i think ive spent so long being a rock ive just kinda... eroded.
Connie: That's just how it was for us as kids, I think
Connie: You were the shield, I was the sword
Connie: It's what was expected of us
Yalldve: Steven, this comes from a place of love, but...
Yalldve: This feels less like you wanting to talk to us
Yalldve: And more you hurting yourself via talking to us
TheBitsTheBits: oh shit Jenny brought out the capitals
TheBitsTheBits: but yeah don't talk if you don't want to
ABW: but when has what I wanted ever mattered?
ABW: i tried not to talk, and i risked attacking the whole town
ABW: youre all grown-ups with grown-up lives and i legit can't even be bothered to tell my moms ive been diagnosed
Connie: Steven, we talked about this.
ABW: dont start, you havent even told your mom about the food thing
Connie: You have to talk to someone about this
Connie: Hey fuck you
Connie: Not all of us got to have weird sleep adventures in that stupid tower
Connie: Some of us had to sit for hours with their friend's body and wonder if they were gonna starve to death
ABW: Some of us had their internal systems ripped out in front of them
Connie: You think I can forget?
Connie: You think I'll ever forget the sound you made when you hit the floor?
Cap'n: Guys, don't do this
Cap'n: You've both been through a lot of shit. This isn't a contest.
ABW: Sure, but some of us can just go back to living a normal life after
ABW: School, friends, a future
ABW: The stuff I dreamed about
Connie: I'm not gonna apologize for living the life I swore to give up now that no one needs it
ABW: That's not the point
ABW: Are you even a little happy?
Connie: low blow and you know it, Universe
Connie: Are you?
ABW: Fuck off, Connie.
Connie: Why should I have to do it when you've been doing it our whole lives?
Yalldve: HEY HOW BOUT YA'LL STOP BEING DICKS AND TAKE A SECOND
Yalldve: Jesus Christ is it really so hard for you to talk about trauma without insulting each other
ABW: have you met the gems?
ABW: the fact this isn't a physical brawl IS an improvement.
Connie: I'm not doing all this stuff because I like to
Connie: I'm doing it because I have to
Connie: I'm fucked up inside.
Connie: I've accepted that
Connie: but I can only break so many little boy's arms bc they bumped me before I'm fucking up others too
ABW: exposure therapy with knives is kinda messed up, Connie
Connie: We had this exact same discussion about the Diamonds
ABW: Shut. Your fuck. Please.
ABW: and, for what it's worth, I'm sorry
ABW: I think I was born fucked up
ABW: and soemtiems I think it infects people
ABW: you, our parents, etc
Connie: I'm not "infected", Steven
Connie: And even if it was that simple, I infected myself
Connie: Maybe... we could do some counseling together?
ABW: ...that's a thing?
Connie: yeah
Connie: We can go in together and work on better communication
Connie: Bc as it is neither of us are that great at it
Connie: You tend tu push that shit down until like five years down the line
Connie: And I tend to get offensive and closed off.
ABW: Yeah, fair
LookingForward: I just wanna add that if you either of you wanna talk but not to a therapist, i'm here
LookingForward: I've been pretty quiet on here bc I couldn't do anything
LookingForward: But I'm here now
ABW: Sadie, you dont have to do that
LookingForward: Steven, we're family
LookingForward: Even if we're still learning how to act like it
LookingForward: I wanna be part of this stuff
LookingForward: If you're comfortable with that, I mean
ABW: Just. don't take sword lessons from pearl for me, please.
LookingForward: What?
Connie: Inside joke.
Two days later, Sadie opened her hotel room to find Steven Universe on her doorstep.
The boy looked absolutely terrible. Bags deeper than the Grand Canyon were at home at his face, edged with early crow's feet. His poofy hair was greasy from a lack of shower. The smell on his clothes told Sadie he'd likely not changed them recently, either. His hands, balled into fists, were hid inside his jacket pockets.
"Can I come in?" he asked, with an awkward, half-smile that was surely not real.
"How did you find out where I was?" Sadie asked, surprised but not upset.
Steven shrugged. "Your mom told me. She thinks I need more human connections right now." He sighed through his nose and slumped. "That's... a lie. I think I need more human connections right now." Steven's eyes flickered up to hers. They were pink. "I... understand if this is too much, too soon."
"You needed to get away?"
"Yeah."
Sadie stepped back, holding the door open. "Come on in. We'll talk over breakfast, alright?"
The smile on his face morphed into something more genuine, but somehow equally as brittle. "You're the best, Sadie."
"Anything for family," she promised.
Author's Note: YOU'D THINK I'D BE DONE WITH THIS AND YET. I AM NOT.
I know my replies are like. Twice a year at this point. But I've become weirdly involved with the idea of Sadie helping Steven connect to his humanity. Who knows. Maybe I'll add another chapter someday? But I feel like this is a good non-ending right now.
This is usually the part of a final author's note where I explain how the story formed, where it was going, how it evolved, etc, but honestly? I never really had plans for this bad boy. It shot out of me one day and just. Kept on going and going. It twisted and jumbled as SUF went on, and a lot of drabble ideas got scrapped, but I think the one I'm saddest about not doing is Sadie going to Homeworld. I wouldn't even know how to set that up tbh, but I think it'd be great to see another human experience the planet.
Stay safe, have fun, and drink some water!
Until next time,
-Mandaree1