Some Ymir action after this one!
Chapter 18: Breaking the Armor.
The three shifters stared at Nikolai for some good twenty seconds, while he fixed his eyes on Pieck; finally, as if his gaze had some sort of power she remembered how to speak.
_Seven months. -she whispered, unable to put more strength on her voice- That's what you said.
_Yes. -Niko agreed nodding slowly.
_Seven months old. That kid -she said pointing at the blackened screen but still looking at him- was seven months old when he killed that man.
_Indeed.
_How?
_The people who made me had a vast amount of technology at their disposal, which i must say is not so rare out there. -he said pointing at the sky- There are places where children are created this way and sometimes even adults, using a process to speed up growth and learning.
Reiner raised a hand asking for silence and proceeded to rub his temples, shutting his eyes tightly as if concentrating.
_Fucking hell Nikolai! Are you saying some people just... decided to create you out of nowhere? Arranged you piece by piece or...?
_When i said i was made -the soldier said with a bitter smile-, i meant it: designed, developed, enhanced and deployed; since the moment i came to exist it was as part of something i was not supposed to question or understand. I opened my eyes to a world where i had nothing but my assigned task, where other people were either my superiors or assets to use and discard; before i was carefully cultivated, monitored and helped grow. My basic knowledge was added as my body matured through machines, and i was assisted to make sure all of my organism was functioning correctly. After all, i was an expensive investment.
_The... computer, was it? -Bertholdt asked and he nodded- It mentioned a group of specialized mercenaries. Can you explain it?
_More detailed, please. -Pieck added and turned to her friends- He told me more or less the basics of everything, we had a very long chat... it was almost sundown when we stopped to search for you and kill titans.
_We were a group of "engineered", enhanced soldiers created by a certan group of entities i'll call "The Company"; they were several actually, but worked as one. Anyways, modified soldiers aren't so uncommon, but only at a very small scale of production and to select groups: powerful monarchies, elite armies, mighty political entities; our makers intended to make us a bit more accesible to the main market, specially the private sector but without risks of having one of their enhanced soldiers selling their secrets. They wanted to create a killer with the obedience of a machine and the versatility sentient species have in the battlefield; people who could infiltrate, assault, assasinate, steal or whatever it was needed to end wars or create them at the client's convenience.
He pressed a few buttons and the computer screen showed another video, this time of Nikolai along with other children if they could be called so: some didn't even look remotely human, all clad in white clothes and standing in front of rifle-like devices; at the same time they took them and fired several shots of what seemed to be light at some human shaped targets in the end of the room, all hitting the head and heart of the figure. Then the targets moved and were replaced by another round, this time shaped as elongated, four limbed creatures.
_We were taught to kill beings of every known species in the system, learning their physiology and weaknesses as well as whatever social features could be used in our advantage: sense of honor, a code of conduct or their taboos, anything was turned into a weapon in our arsenal; our minds and bodies were put to work in tests of skill both arranged and random, be it fighting mercenaries or prisoners supplied by the Company or actual attacks on isolated settlements that could be easily covered as rogue parties's work. To this day, i can't enter a room without having my brain take note of how many people are in there, how many escape routes i have available and in which order i should kill everyone if a fight was to erupt; it's useful but also kind of tiring.
He fell silent as the others watched the kids train in hand to hand combat with and without weapons with cold efficiency, without distractions or hesitations and never loosing their rythm; Nikolai noted that they never injured each other to avoid "needless loss of resources" unless otherwise indicated or as a test to find their capability to fight under harsh circumstances, like being injured to certain degrees.
_That voice called you 88. -Pieck suddenly asked, looking at him- How many of you are out there?
_At our peak we were between five and six hundred as our demand increased in sight of our performance, not counting the first failed ones.
_Failed ones? -Reiner asked.
_The Company decided they needed people without moral bindings or emotional disadvantages, and made the first batches be modified to strip them out of such features but turns out those abilities are more related to our functions than they thought; after all they were bussinessmen, not scientists. The latter worked for them and gave them what they asked. The failed ones had no real versatility beyond following orders, no sense of self preservation, danger or trickery: they attacked without considering consecuences or possible traps, and had a hard time facing unexpected obstacles. So what they did was create "normal" ones, adding implants in the... well our brains that tuned certain functions down to make us obedient but conscious of our need to survive to fullfill our taskmasters future orders using whatever means were necessary.
_And now? -asked the girl- How many of you are left?
_Now... -he frowned and shook his head- I can't really tell. Maybe a dozen, maybe some more; we went through really hard shit years ago.
_Wait... -Bertholdt said suddenly- If they grew you up like that... how old are you?
_Twenty eight years old. -he smiled at their shock- Yep, i look younger; my growth has slowed down since i was ten and i'm not sure how it'll be from now on: could normalize or not, i have no idea. The main point is -he said watching both shifters- no matter what i am, i want you and your people to be free.
_Why? -Braun said frowning- Why do you care?
_Because i realized when i saw through Annie's disguise, back then in our first expedition, -Nikolai answered with a fierce look- what she, and by extension you too, went through and i was not going to let that happen; no matter what world i am, whom i'm killing for or how low i sink in battle, i won't let some motherfucking cowardly pieces of shit not worth being called humans or whatever the fuck they are take them to fight their battles while i breath because i lived that hell and won't let anyone suffer it if i can.
Reiner shook his head, clearly upset at his words.
_You don't know... we weren't worth more than that. What we... the eldians did...
_How much blood is in your hands Reiner? -Niko retorted showing his teeth like a wolf- How many times did you repeat that stupid bullshit, trying to drown your concsciousness every damn night? How many lies did your parents feed you huh?
The blonde froze for a moment, before his face contorted in anger and he stood up; Nikolai and Hoover did the same, the latter helping Pieck to her feet. Braun glared at the soldier, fists clenched in fury.
_Leave my mother out of this. -he said threateningly- I don't care what you say, you won't tangle her in this mess.
_Oh but she already is, Braun. -Nikolai whispered- Like everyone back at Liberio, sunk up to her neck in the shit the Marleyans have been burying you in with a smile on her face; your people are castrated every day and they don't even have the brains to see it.
_Is that what you think we are?! -the muscular recruit hissed- Prisoners?! Slaves?! We are the descend...!
_A prisoner -the albino said harshly, stepping forward and making the other retreat- can escape his cell defying all odds; a slave can fight for freedom and die happy knowing he stood for what he knew was right. No Reiner, i think your people are cattle; unable to think out of their own imposed cage, to see beyond the walls of Liberio or to realize they live a fucking lie. There is no redemption coming, no penance that will be rewarded; you are animals to them and like animals you will be sacrificed one by one the moment your usefulness is over, which might happen any day. Pieck told me how you government relies on bombing and mindless titans for war, forsaking pretty much any other technology; and trust me, if there is one thing humans know how to do is making weapons big and lethal enough to kill anything. Titans? -he said with despise- I've met things far worse back in my day... and have had weaponry powerful enough to kill them a thousand times; you have not the slightest idea of what "war" means where i come from when it's unleashed in all its fury.
A thick silence fell on the tower, Nikolai fixing his eyes in Reiner's as he took a step back eyeing him with pity.
_But you already realized, didn't you Reiner? The moment you got to know them... you knew your mission was a farse: your entire life was a bad story written with marleyan ink, and your suffering became a mockery, a bad joke without a punchline; the moment you looked them in the eye you saw nothing more than a normal human being, not different than what they promised you'd be if you succeeded in cleansing they bad seeds in Paradi. Only that there were no devils; no monsters but people whose screams filled your dreams at night, the smell of blood and the sight of torn corpses branded with fire in your memory.
Braun's eyes widened at his words, tiny pearls of sweat appearing on his forehead; he glanced at Bertholdt, who stood behind the grey eyed man and gave him a lost look. The blonde attempted to show a strong faced, but his voice betrayed him.
_You don't know what you're talking about... -he said and cursed his trembling voice.
_Oh, but i do. I know that feeling of something stuck down your throat, that black bile you imagine bloating and swirling inside you every time you think about what you did and you want to throw it all up wishing it will take all the pain away, but also know someone as rotten, as putrid as yourself does not deserve that mercy, so you march on; always forward, always looking up at your goal because if you look behind, if you glance at what covers your path you'll see them, bleeding and cursing and wailing and asking you why, what did they do, what was their sin. So you justify it, you build a wall around you that keeps the blood and the memories away until you close your eyes and theirs open in your mind so you wake up with a scream in your mouth and tears in your eyes; why do you think i sleep so lightly? I never really slept in all these years, not even once; just a flutter into the land of dreams, going in and out of my own hell quickly enough to avoid waking everyone up with my curses and shouting, because i know that despite all my time serving the Company having somehow the smallest speck of an excuse... what came after that has no way to be forgiven. I've been running from my past for years, despite no one hunts me; no one knows the monster that i am, but i know the monster you are, and i know you want to end it, Reiner. You want to die, because you can't stand facing the truth about what you've done.
Reiner remained silent, then began walking back and forth before facing Nikolai with fevered eyes.
_No. No, i don't! I don't care about them! i was pretending to...!
_At first, perhaps you were; but somewhere along the way, when you opened yourself to them, you took that step without realizing it. You felt their sorrow, you shared their pain and the loss and made it yours; you took the burden of others because you wanted true redemption, you seek to atone for your deeds. But the warrior and the soldier couldn't coexist, could they? -he said, and Braun stepped back- Ah yes, i remember those strange moments in which you seemed... someone else; someone determined. Driven by duty but not to his peers, searching for something that wasn't in that camp; your mind couldn't take the burden all the time and it snapped back to the child that came here to kill all the demons. Tell me Reiner, is he still there? Pretending to be a hero, a warrior of Marley? Making his mother proud? Protecting her right to be more than an animal for them? To be considered fit to live another day?
_Shut up, shut up! -he hissed, not even looking at him- You know nothing! NOTHING! We... we had no choice!
Nikolai didn't answer, instead making a gesture for someone to leave with his hand; Reiner followed it and saw Mike eyeing him before nodding and retrating down the stairs. The white haired soldier then turned back to look at Reiner.
_It's true. -he said in a suddenly saddened voice- You had no choice, you didn't know what you were getting into or what horrors would follow; it's true you had no way to see beyond what they taught you all your life. You were children, scared and stupid and with no idea of what the world truly was; but you aren't a child anymore Reiner. You see now how horrifying your actions that day really were; you feel the guilt calling you, gnawing at you with sharpened teeth and you feel the dread creep up your throat, paralyzing you; you see them over and over again, their fear and their despair, the tears in the eyes of their loved ones when they went back outside the walls knowing they would not return and you know it's your fault. That it's your fault Bertholdt and Annie face the same hell; you goaded them to go on when they wanted to quit, only to cover themselves in the blood of innocents...
Niko suddenly cut his speech mid-sentence; he didn't know why, but he had the feeling he was right. In front of him Reiner said nothing his face as white as snow, his breath ragged and difficult until suddenly, without any warning, something snapped in him: the blonde warrior fell on his knees, covering his face with his hands and convulsing when heart breaking sobs began to pour out of him. Reiner cried under the tortured gaze of Bertholdt and Pieck, while Nikolai's eyes showed nothing as he stared at the broken young warrior; he waited as the blonde let out years of guilt in his tears, crouched on the cold until his throat was sore and his face a mess of snot and dirt. Bit by bit the sounds lost strength and his shivers were less intense until he stayed there, not moving and barely breathing; only then Nikolai moved and strode up to the shifter, who slowly raised his head to look up at him. The elder made no gesture at the pitiful display of his marred features, instead staring right into his blue orbs.
_No, you had no choice back then, but you have one now; a choice between doing what you're told and what you think is right. To choose between what you are offered and what you want; to let your people suffer in silence or let their oppressors hear your voice demanding justice once and for all. -he took a handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to the blonde- You showed the marleyans and the eldians at Liberio you are a warrior; you showed here that you are a soldier. Now it's time to show if you can be a man, Reiner; choose for yourself what you want for you, for all your people, and fight for it with all your heart.
Braun stared down for a while, cleaning his face with trembling hands; when he finally dared look at Niko, his eyes were doubtful but had a spark of decision.
_How can i? How will you help us? -he mumbled and Nikolai flashed one of his well known grins.
_I thought you'd never ask. -he said amused.
Walking back to his computer, he beckoned the trio with a finger and rolled his sleeve up showing his advanced bracer; as Hoover and Reiner looked with interest he pressed a button and the image of a strange winged machine showed on the screen.
_Behold my ship, the Shalighar; in your language it means Huntress. A well equipped killing machine, fit for quick and dangerous combat like the kind you have in space; her weapons are top notch, and has several other features i'll show you on its due time. It's made to last and unless a meteorite has hit her lately, it's without doubt safe and sound where i left it.
_Where is it? -Bertholdt asked staring at the rotating image.
_Somewhere west of Shiganshina, where i landed about two weeks before you guys arrived; yep, i've been here not too long and had to abandon my vehicle when you stirred the shit up in here. All forgiven though, since leaving it was my choice; i could have hauled ass if i wanted, but this sector of this galaxy is actually uncharted so i have no idea where the fuck i could have gone. The thing is i'm kind of out of reach to call it, and need to go back out there; which is related to my plan of action as of now.
_Which is? -Pieck whispered prying her eyes off the Huntress.
_Going back out there and killing whoever came with you and Zeke.
_Z-Zeke?! -Reiner blurted incredulously- He's here?! Where?!
_Right now? -Nikolai said, looking at the screen- Must be where i left him back at HQ...
_How did you convince...?
_I didn't, he's dead; Annie actually asked me to kill him before we separated.
The Survey Corp shifters stared at him with eyes wide for a few seconds; then Bertholdt spoke with a nervous tone.
_Warlord Zeke is... you... -he blinked and frowned- Wait, then when you said back then "These apes are mine"...
Niko gave him an apprasing look and smirked, nodding.
_You're smarter than you look, Bertie. Yes, i was basically telling Mike he was here and i was going to kill him; Mike's also sent a message to tell Eren to consume him, since Pieck told me how you can um, "transfer" titan powers.
_This Eren sounds like someone interesting. -Pieck said narrowing her eyes- I hope i'll meet him soon.
_Hopefully once we're done here you will; right now however we must wrap things up as quickly as possible. Where are the soldiers that came with you?
_There's one group not far from the walls, some hours northeast from here; i was supposed to return with them hours ago once Zeke was sure my assistance wouldn't be needed , since i am their only way to move.
_Good thing i met you first. -Nikolai said absently, nodding- And the rest?
_Three or four days away on the coast, depending on how fast you can travel; i can cover it in that time but it will be very tiresome.
_Good. You'll take me there and i'll take care of them; how many soldiers are we talking about?
_Nine in the outpost outside this wall, twenty five on the ship; are you sure you can deal with that?
_Without a problem.
_We'll help too. -Reiner said, but Niko shook his head.
_No, not yet. Right now i need you to stay here until i'm back and then you'll help us take over the government.
_What?! -Braun and Hoover said loudly.
_Only then we'll have a chance to revert your situation in Marley; you've lost so many shifters that if you return your nation might take... extreme measures regarding the eldians. But for now you'll stay in a safe place, for about a week.
_Is Annie there? -Bertholdt asked anxiously, and Niko eyed him.
_I'm afraid her hiding place is actually far from there; i'm sorry but you'll have to be patient. As for this safe zone, don't worry: this person is more than happy to lend me a hand. -Nikolai said turning his computer off and putting it inside its bag- He's to be trusted, as long as you keep your mouths shut; i'll give you a letter for him, his name is Giacomo Perelli.
The man stood up and the others followed suit; Pieck held to Bertholdt as she looked Nikolai in the eye.
_So what now? -she asked sharply.
_While your friends stay put, you and i are going to meet the rest of the soldiers. And then...
He smiled widely, so mercilessly the others couldn't help but sharing a brief cautious glance.
_...I'll finally show how real soldiers fight.
End of chapter.