Chapter 11: Paris is on Fire
"L?" asked Rory.
"L-laryngitis," said Lorelai. "M?"
"Mumps," said Rory. "N?"
"Narcolepsy!" said Lorelai. "O?"
"Are we going to have to go through this every time we decided who cleans out the refrigerator?" asked Rory.
"I'd rather do thumb wrestling," said Delilah.
"Yeah, do you want to go back to thumb wrestling with Lila?" asked Lorelai.
"No," said Rory, "Osteoporosis. P?"
"Puppies!" Lorelai said with a gasp and ran down the street.
"That's not a disease," said Rory.
"Oh, no," muttered Delilah.
"Yeah," said Rory. They ran after Lorelai.
They finally caught up to her in front of a cage.
"Rory, Lila, look at the baby!" Lorelai said.
"Mom," said Rory.
"Remember Skippy?" asked Delilah.
She was still made about the whole Skippy the hamster fiasco. Skippy seemed to like her, but hated Lorelai. Maybe it was because Lorelai stuffed scented Kleenex in the cage and Delilah had to clean the cage.
"Aw, Buttercup was found cold and wet, hovering under a hydrangea bush along highway 26. It's a sad highway," Lorelai said, reading the display card on the cage.
"As compared to all the other happy highways she could've been abandoned by?" asked Rory.
Delilah had to tilt her head to look at Buttercap, who was giving them sad eyes. She pitied the dog, but she really wasn't much of a dog person to be honest. She'll love and take care of it, but she just wasn't a dog person.
Lorelai read, "Her lineage includes cocker spaniel, golden retriever, bouvier des flandres—"
"Gesundheit," said Rory.
"Thank you," said Lorelai. "And rottweiler."
Rory started reading from a sign, "Buttercup is a special dog. She's extremely skiddish and tends to react badly towards blonde-haired females—"
"Sucks for Samantha," said Delilah.
Rory continued, "Brunet males—"
"Sucks for Matt," Delilah added.
Rory continued, "Children of either sex, other animals, red clothing—"
"Sucks for me," Delilah said.
"Cabbage or anyone in a uniform," Rory finished reading.
"Poor thing," said Delilah. "Does that include a suit or school uniform?"
Luke walked up, because he was a party-pooper, apparently.
"Hey, we just found the doggy version of you," Lorelai said.
"Can I help you?" asked the man, who probably was running the dog fair.
"Do not let these three anywhere near a dog," said Luke. "They can barely feed themselves."
"Shut up, you! We'd be excellent pet owners, thank you," said Lorelai.
"You cannot be serious," said Rory.
"I think I'm good pet owner," said Delilah offended. Her mother on the other hand…not so much.
"We could get him a pretty bowl…" Lorelai said.
"Buttercup's female," Delilah corrected.
"…and a new name…" Lorelai continued.
"Mom," said Rory.
"…'cause this 'Buttercup' thing really has got to go," said Lorelai.
"Do we have to remind you of what happened to Skippy?" asked Delilah.
"Skippy?" asked Luke.
"I can't believe you would bring up Skippy," said Lorelai.
"If I didn't, she would," Delilah said, motioning to Rory.
"Skippy was our hamster," Rory said.
"He doesn't care," said Lorelai.
"What happened to Skippy?" asked Luke.
He was definitely judging them.
"Nothing happened to Skippy," said Lorelai.
"Skippy would bite Mom every time she stuck her hand in the cage," Delilah said quickly.
"And laugh," Lorelai added.
"Hamsters can't laugh," Luke pointed out.
"Oh, this one laughed," said Lorelai. "Trust me."
Delilah shook her head. "She got fed up by it biting her."
"And being laughed at by a hamster?" Luke said.
"Well, yeah," said Lorelai.
"So she stopped cleaning it's cage," said Rory. "Instead every day, she would stuff some Kleenex in there."
"You didn't?" said Luke.
Lorelai smiled, "It was the quilted kind."
"So, this keeps going on and Lila was getting fed up of removing the Kleenex," said Rory.
"Did the hamster bite you?" Luke asked Delilah.
"No," replied Delilah.
"It was terrible," said Rory "She took the cage to the pet store where we got him, waited for the sales' guy to go behind the desk, and dumps Skippy's cage on the counter, before quickly leaving."
"You abandoned your hamster," Luke accused.
"Look, I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster. This was like a Damien hamster with little beady eyes and a big forked tail and…a cape with a…hood…and bye bye Buttercup," said Lorelai. Luke started walking away, "Bye Luke."
"You did the right thing," said Rory.
Delilah nodded. Rory and Lorelai put their arms around each other. Rory put her arm around Delilah's shoulders. Delilah had to put her arm around Rory's waist.
In a whiny tone, Lorelai said, "Oh, I want a pet."
"You have us," said Rory.
"You won't bring me my slippers in the morning," said Lorelai.
"You don't own slippers," Delilah said.
"Yeah," said Rory. "We might if you had slippers."
"Will you two wear collars?" asked Lorelai.
"No," said Rory.
"It'll be pink and red!" said Lorelai.
"Not even on my life," replied Delilah."
"You're sick," Rory said to Lorelai.
"She truly is," Delilah said.
"Hey, watch how you both talk to me," scolded Lorelai playfully. "Remember what happened to Skippy."
Delilah, Matt, and Samantha lay together on Samantha's bed, fully clothed. Matt was reading some book. It was kind of like when they were younger, back before they got together.
"I want a pet," Delilah admitted.
"What kind of pet?" asked Samantha.
Delilah thought about it, "I'll get a cat."
"A cat?" asked Matt, turning to look at her. He was in the middle of the two girls.
Delilah shrugged, "Yeah. A dog just has this always in your face kind of energy that I just don't like. I don't like dogs being in my face."
Her week-long boyfriend, Jake, had a dog, who seemed to be all up in her face when she met the dog. She really didn't like it. She liked the dog just fine, except for that. "A cat is like a…apathetic roommate that wants to hang out with you sometimes."
"I kind of want a dog," said Samantha.
"We can compromise," Delilah stated. She looked at Matt, "What about you? What pet do you want?"
Matt shrugged, "I don't know."
Delilah shrugged, "Yeah. A dog just has this always in your face kind of energy that I just don't like. I don't like dogs being in my face."
Her week-long boyfriend, Jake, had a dog, who seemed to be all up in her face when she met the dog. She really didn't like it. She liked the dog just fine, except for that. "A cat is like a…apathetic roommate that wants to hang out with you sometimes."
"I kind of want a dog," said Samantha.
"We can compromise," Delilah stated. She looked at Matt, "What about you? What pet do you want?"
Matt shrugged, "I don't know."
When Delilah got home, Rory was talking on the phone. Rory looked over and said, "Lila just got home." There was a pause, "Hold on, I'll ask her…" She looked over at Delilah. "Do you know when Mom will get back?"
"I suspect in the morning," Delilah replied. "She'll probably be home at ten."
"She jokingly thinks the next morning, but in reality, probably ten," Rory said.
"Tell Dean I said," Delilah said over her shoulder as she started heading up the stairs.
"Lila says 'hi'," Rory said. There was a pause and Rory said, "Dean says 'hi.'"
Delilah was rudely awakened by Rory shaking her.
"No, Rory, five more minutes," Delilah mumbled.
"Get up," Rory said. "Mom's not home."
Delilah looked at the alarm clock. "It's twelve-thirty in the morning."
"Exactly my point," said Rory. "She's not home."
"Maybe she's staying the night at his home," replied Delilah. "Go back to bed; we have school in the morning."
"Get up," Rory said. She pushed Delilah off the bed.
"Ugh, fine," grumbled Delilah.
So, they waited on the couch, though Delilah dozed on and off again, but Rory kept shaking her awake.
Delilah heard the door open and close…
"Where do you think you're going?" asked Rory.
"Hi," said Lorelai.
"It's one o'clock in the morning," accused Rory.
"I know, but my watch stopped during a terrible car wreck and I had to save kittens and small children and four baby chicks," said Lorelai.
"I take it that you had a nice time," Delilah said.
"Not bad," said Lorelai, smiling widely.
"That's a very big smile for a not bad night," pointed out Rory. Lorelai sat on the couch next to Delilah.
"Yeah, well…" said Lorelai. "Hey, he loaned me a book."
"What book?" asked Rory.
"Swann's Way," said Lorelai.
"Aren't we ambitious?" joked Rory.
"Yes, we are," replied Lorelai.
"You know what it means when a man loans you a book, don't you?" asked Rory.
"That he's already read it?" asked Lorelai.
"Yep," replied Rory.
"He also wants to have a discussion about it?" asked Delilah.
"That too," replied Rory.
"How were your nights?" asked Lorelai.
"Homework," replied Rory.
"How many times did Dean call?" asked Lorelai.
"Not that many," replied Rory.
"How many?" asked Lorelai.
"Five," Delilah said.
"Not an all time high, but very respectable," said Lorelai. She looked at Delilah, eyeing her, "How about your night?"
"I had to write a book report for English class. Which meant I had to read the book," Delilah said.
"I'm going to bed," said Lorelai, "You two staying here?"
"Yeah," replied Rory. "Lila fell asleep on me and I've got the pillows in a perfect mushed position."
"Okay," said Lorelai. She kissed Rory on the forehead, "Night Mom."
"Yeah, you just go think abut what you've done," said Rory.
"I will," replied Lorelai.
It was always a surprise when Lane sits with Delilah, Samantha, and Matt at lunch. Sometimes Lane doesn't sit with them, but sometimes she does, so it wasn't that much of a shock when Lane sat with them. She passed an apple to Matt, since she knew his home situation. She said, "My mother would be a better mother to you than yours."
"At least she would give me food, even if she pulled it out of the ground," said Matt.
She looked over towards Dean and his friend, Todd. Dean had mentioned Todd a few times. He even brought Todd by to see Rory and by extension, Delilah.
The two boys were talking to each other.
"You know the guy?" Lane asked motioning with her head at Dean and Todd.
"He's Todd," Delilah replied. That was the only thing that she can say about Todd. Besides, she didn't really talk to the guy, but she knew that Lane talks to Todd sometimes.
"Do you think he's single?" Lane asked.
"I have English class with him," Delilah said. "Do you want me to talk to him?"
"Please?" Lane said.
Delilah must've had some good luck, because she and Todd were partnered up for some project.
"So…" Delilah started. "Are you seeing anyone?"
Todd gave her a strange look. "I thought you were seeing that guy…or was it that blonde chick?"
"Both," Delilah said. "I'm dating the both of them."
"You are?" asked Todd sounding mystified.
"Yeah," Delilah replied. "They're dating each other too."
"I'm not into guys," Todd replied.
"I meant for a friend," Delilah said. "A friend is interested in you."
Todd asked, "Who?"
"Lane Kim," Delilah answered.
"Who's that?" asked Todd.
"Are you two actually doing the project?" asked the teacher.
Delilah guessed that it was time to actually do the work.
By Friday, Emily asked, "How's the squab?"
"It's good," Rory said and Delilah nodded in agreement.
"Lorelai?" asked Emily.
"It's the best tiny, weird bird I have ever eaten," Lorelai said.
"I'm glad," said Emily. She was smiling.
"Why are smiling like that?" asked Lorelai.
"What are you talking about?" asked Emily.
"You're smiling," Lorelai pointed out.
"I'm happy," replied Emily.
"That's not your 'I'm happy' smile," Lorelai said.
"Well, what smile is it, Lorelai?" asked Emily.
"That's your 'I've got something on Lorelai' smile," Lorelai said.
"Girls, your mother must be very tired," Emily said to the twins.
"She works a lot," Rory said.
"I grew up with that smile – I know that smile," Lorelai said.
"Tell me about school," Emily said to change the subject.
"Well, my French final went pretty well," said Rory.
"I have to do some project for History," Delilah added.
"You can change the subject. I know that smile," said Lorelai.
"Whatever you say dear," Emily said.
Delilah was sure that was the first time that her grandmother had ever called Lorelai 'dear'.
"I've used it a few times myself," Lorelai added.
"Can we get this conversation over with? What exactly is going on?" asked Delilah.
"Tell me about Parents' Day," Emily said to Rory.
"What?" asked Lorelai.
"Parents' Day? Next Wednesday? When all the parents are supposed to go to the classes with their children all day long?" Emily asked.
"The Chilton newsletter came out today!" exclaimed Lorelai.
"Yup," said Rory. "Lila even read it."
"Right," said Lorelai.
"You didn't read yours, but Lila did?" asked Emily.
"Not yet because Lila took it before I could," replied Lorelai.
"Ah," said Emily.
Lorelai said, "But you knew that—"
"Well—" started Emily.
"Hence the smile," said Lorelai.
"Lorelai, you're really being silly. There's no evil plan a foot here," said Emily. "I simply brought up a subject that I thought we could all talk about."
Delilah was getting a headache.
"Oh, right," replied Lorelai.
"I'll try another subject – the color blue is very pleasant, isn't it?" asked Emily.
"My g – good friend, Samantha, likes the color blue," Delilah said. She could've sworn she heard Rory snicker at the near slip up.
Delilah glared at her. She knew she needed to tell her grandparents about how she was dating Samantha as well as Matt, but maybe a few weeks when Richard got out of the hospital. It wouldn't do well if she put him back in the hospital if he found out she was seeing two people at the same time, who were also dating each other.
"Mom, not everybody can wait outside the mailbox for the Chilton newsletter to arrive and then instantly memorize the contents in three seconds," Lorelai cut.
"I'd like to weigh in on the blue color subject, please," said Rory.
"You have your priorities far be it from me to question them," said Emily.
"Just because I don't read the newsletter doesn't mean I don't care about my kids," said Lorelai.
"So are you going?" asked Emily.
"To what?" asked Lorelai.
"To Parents' Day," said Emily.
"Why don't we talk about it next Friday when I've actually read the newsletter," said Lorelai. "I guarantee it'll be more fun."
"It's next Wednesday," Delilah said.
"Wednesday?" asked Lorelai.
"Yup," said Rory.
"If we talked about it on Friday, then you would've missed it," said Emily.
"Wednesday, huh?" asked Lorelai.
"Its okay, Mom, you don't have to be there," said Rory.
"I guess we can talk about how you missed it," Emily added.
"I won't miss it," said Lorelai.
"Mom, it's not a big deal, you're busy," said Rory.
"You know what – I'll go!" said Emily.
"What?" asked Lorelai.
"Why not? You have to work. I, as you have insinuated, have no life, therefore I will go sit with Rory at Parents' Day," said Emily.
"I'm not busy, I'm going," said Lorelai. "I will be there – that's it. End of story, okay?"
"Fine," said Emily.
"Fine," said Lorelai.
"So, did you read on page two about the mother/daughter talent show?" asked Emily.
Lorelai choked on her food.
Delilah was alarmed.
Rory smiled, "You okay?"
The next night, Delilah opened the door to her house and Samantha kind of pushed her in and up against the wall, kissing her deeply.
Rory cleared her throat and the two girls pulled away to see that Max was there, who looked confused.
Then Matt walked in and looked at Max.
"Hi," Matt said.
"Delilah, Matt," Max said. He looked at Samantha.
"Max, this is our girlfriend, Samantha," Delilah said, motioning to Samantha.
"Our?" asked Max confused.
"The three of them are dating each other," Rory explained. "They got together on my and Lila's sixteenth birthday."
"Oh," said Max. "To each their own."
"I thought you were going to see a movie," Rory said to Delilah.
"We were, but I forgot it and the movie don't start 'til eight-thirty," Delilah explained. She went upstairs.
After that was done, she headed back downstairs.
"You too, Mr. Medina," Rory said, heading towards the door.
"Why don't you call me Max? Just when we're out of school," said Max.
"I don't think I can do that," said Rory, looking at the teacher.
"Why not? Your sister called me Max," said the teacher.
"It just sounds wrong – disrespectful. I mean, you're my teacher, Mr. Medina, not Lila's, and if I start to think of you as a Max – even as a part-time 'Max', it just like it would get too confusing," said Rory.
"How 'bout then, we'll come up with non-Chilton names for each other. When we're not in school, I'll call you Rebecca," said Max.
Delilah took that as her cue to leave.
On Tuesday, Delilah got off work to find Rory and Lorelai in the kitchen, cleaning out the fridge like they planned on last week.
"Oh, good, you're finally cleaning out the fridge," Delilah said.
"Four slices…pepperoni pizza," said Lorelai.
"From?" asked Rory.
Lorelai started, "Tuesday?"
"Last Tuesday?" asked Rory.
"The Tuesday in the not so distant past," said Lorelai.
"Toss it," said Rory. She sat at the table. "So you remember Paris Geller?"
"That girl with low standards who wants to date Dugray?" Delilah asked.
"I was going to say 'Your very best friend in the whole world' but that works too," said Lorelai.
"But what about her?" asked Delilah.
"Her parents are getting a major divorce," Rory explained.
"Really," said Lorelai.
"Her dad's like this big wig at a huge pharmaceutical company and they're printing all the sordid details about it in the paper," explained Rory.
"Why are they publishing it in the school paper?" Delilah asked confused.
"Ooh, how sordid?" asked Lorelai.
"Well, it's not the Rich James incident, but Hugh Grant should be feeling pretty good about himself," Rory said.
Lorelai said, "If she was anyone else in the entire universe, I might feel bad for her."
"Actually I kind of do feel bad for her," said Rory.
"Me too," Delilah said.
"That's because you are the nicest kids ever to walk the earth," Lorelai said.
"The whole school's talking about it. And the weird thing is that the whole dynamics there has changed for me," explained Rory.
"How?" asked Delilah.
"Well, Madeline and Louise, Paris's best friends, they said hello to me the other day," explained Rory.
"What a head turner," Delilah muttered. She watched as Rory and Lorelai ate some cold fries.
"What one?" asked Lorelai.
"I hate cold fries," Delilah said.
"Stick them in the microwave," Lorelai said.
"I hate reheated food," Delilah reminded her mother. "How did they say hello to you."
"Yeah, was it like a normal hello? Not like a 'Here's Johnny' kind of hello?" asked Lorelai.
"Normal, friendly, no acts," said Rory.
"Wow, you're the new 'Heather'," said Lorelai.
"As long as you don't start killing at the girls named Heather, you'll be fine," Delilah said.
Lorelai took out another pizza box from the fridge.
"Was that the pizza from Mystery Tuesday?" asked Delilah.
"Yeah, that one," Lorelai said pointing to the pizza box in the trashcan, "Is completely fine."
"Don't," said Rory walking away from the fridge.
"It's in the box!" said Lorelai.
"Oscar!" said Rory.
"Felix!" said Lorelai.
"Forget it," said Rory.
"And it's just gross," said Delilah.
"Fine," said Lorelai.
"So, how's Swann's Way coming?" asked Rory.
"Oh, finished," said Lorelai.
"You're kidding! It took me forever to read that. I had to renew it ten times," said Rory.
"The first sentence," admitted Lorelai. "I finished the first sentence."
"Aha," said Rory.
"Yeah – it's just – I'm so swamped right now, you know. It's the totally wrong time to start reading the longest book known to man," said Lorelai.
"You haven't seen War and Peace and Stephen King's IT," Delilah said, recalling the hardcover edition that Samantha had in her room. "She has the hardcover editions. She could totally brain someone with those things." She thought about it, "That is probably why she has it."
Rory looked interested, "Do you think she can loan me that?"
"Which one?" asked Delilah.
"Both," said Rory.
"Why? Plan on braining Dugray with them?" asked Delilah.
"Maybe," said Rory mischievously.
"Anyway, maybe you could give it back to Max for me," said Lorelai.
"Just bring it with you tomorrow," said Rory.
Lorelai looked confused, "Tomorrow?"
"It's Parents' Day," Delilah clarified.
"I know," said Lorelai. It was obvious she didn't remember it. "I'm just – I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it."
"What do you mean?" asked Rory.
"I'm going to take a shower," Delilah said quickly, catching on that her sister and mother were going to start arguing.
She took off to her room, but she heard the door in the kitchen slamming shut, so Rory was mad.
Delilah told Samantha and Matt about Rory and Lorelai's argument as they walked to school together. Samantha had taken Delilah's hand, which had to be the first time they held hands. It was honestly a little weird, especially since Matt was walking behind them.
Delilah stopped and stuck her hand out for him to take. He took her hand and seemed happy about it. Delilah smiled at him. Now it was complete.
"Hey, I'm going to need your weapons," Delilah said to Samantha as they walked to school.
"My weapons?" asked Samantha confused.
"War and Peace and IT," Delilah clarified.
"But those books are to bludgeon people with," Samantha said.
Delilah laughed, "Rory wants to read them now."
Samantha seemed to glower and grumbled, "Fine."
Delilah kissed her. "Apparently Paris's parents are getting a divorce and it's all over the newspaper, so she's the talk of the school."
"Who cares if there's a divorce?" Matt asked. "Why do they care?"
"Her parents are part of some pharmaceutical company," Delilah explained.
"Okay, but why do they care?" asked Samantha.
"Rich people get bored?" offered Delilah.
"It's awful though," Matt said.
"What?" Delilah asked, "Rich people getting bored?"
"No, someone's parents are getting a divorce and its being spread around in a newspaper," Matt said.
Delilah nodded, "That's true. She's a bitch to Rory, but she doesn't deserve that."
They walked in silence, until Samantha said, "Hey. When are we going to finally your grandparents as your partners?
Delilah knew that was coming. "My grandfather's still in the hospital. I don't want to put him back in the hospital after he just got out. I'll give it maybe a week or two after he got out before I try putting him back in the hospital."
"Okay," Samantha replied, "Whenever you're ready."
Matt nodded.
It turned out that Lorelai and Rory had another argument in Chilton, but this time it was because Lorelai was trying to break up with Max to 'protect' her and Rory over the whole Max incident. Delilah was annoyed because she explained her relationship with Matt and Samantha to Max for what felt like no reason. Rory was annoyed at being blamed for it. However, the cat was out of the bag, and now everyone at Chilton knew that Max and Rory's mother were in a relationship.
"Look, let's just refrain from fighting in front of the grandmother, okay?" Lorelai asked.
"Fine with me," said Rory.
"Yeah," muttered Delilah.
"The last thing I need tonight is a confrontation with my mother," said Lorelai. She rang the doorbell and the door opened.
"Hi, Mom, boy the roads were a mess out there tonight," said Lorelai, before they walked into the house.
"Rory, Lila, please go upstairs," said Emily.
"Why?" asked Delilah.
"Is everything okay?" asked Rory.
"I have to talk to your mother, please go upstairs," said Emily.
Rory started, "Well—"
"Now, you two," said Emily.
Rory and Delilah went upstairs.
"Oh, great, now she's going to yell at Mom," Rory said.
"Yeah," said Delilah. She tried to imagine what Emily would say to Lorelai is Emily knew that Delilah was dating a girl as well as a boy…at the same time…who were also dating each other.
"Are you okay?" asked Rory.
"I don't want her to yell at Mom if I told her that I'm dating Samantha as well as Matt, who are also dating each other," Delilah said.
"What makes you think Grandma will yell at Mom?" asked Rory.
"She will. She'll be like 'how can you let your daughter date a girl at the same time as a boy' or some crap like that," Delilah said.
"I can't believe that I felt sorry for Paris. She saw Mom and Max kissing in a classroom and spread it around school," said Rory.
"Sometimes you're too nice for your own good, Rory," Delilah said.
"What does that mean?" asked Rory.
"You let people push you around, and walk on you like a doormat," Delilah pointed out. "You need to stand up to people some day, like Paris and Dugray."
Rory stayed silent.
After school the next day, after a study session, they watched a movie and cuddled on the couch. Delilah headed home, stopping to get something from Doose's Market. She met Rory on the way to the front door of their home.
Delilah walked in followed by Rory, who shouted, "Mom!" Mom, we're home!"
There was no answer. Delilah looked at Rory confused. "Maybe she's upstairs?"
They went upstairs together.
"Mom?" called Rory.
Lorelai's bedroom door was open and Delilah can hear sniffling. Delilah and Rory laid down on the bed together, while Rory stroked Lorelai's hair in comfort.