Savage

by awalkerlifeforme

She was everything people feared. She wanted to defend the world but also wanted revenge on those who wrecked hers. The ones who forced her to leave Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes. Now she's back and while Steve attempts to get back the woman he's always considered his sister, Bucky hopes to thaw the ice that has formed around her heart. A heart that he had always believed was his.

15. Chapter 15

It was far earlier than I wished that it was. Yawning over and over again, I stumbled across the room and grabbed everything that I would need for the next three days. It wasn't much. Some basic toiletries, paperwork that I would need, and a few changes of clothes. Chester had given me the bag that I would need for everything. We couldn't bring much. There wasn't that much room in the trucks with all of the tents and gear that the recruits would need for the next three days.

We would be going with the recruits on the Victory Forge retreat. It was the last thing that the recruits would be doing before they got to graduate in a week. I knew that they were all excited. Normally - considering it was four in the morning - the recruits would either still be asleep or they'd be trudging around like the dead. Today they were all running back and forth, getting ready for their last few days as an Army recruit. Graduation was right on the horizon. They had every right to be excited.

For whatever reason, I had volunteered to join them on the retreat. Not that I really knew why. Perhaps it was because I was sick of sitting in the camp every day. Or maybe it was because I liked being with Bucky for these last few days - even if I wouldn't get the chance to speak to him much while they were gone. I knew that part of it was because I had a say - albeit very small - in where the recruits would be deployed. I would be watching them and giving my remark on where I thought that they should go. I knew that everyone would be easy except for one. James Buchanan Barnes. What would I do when it came time to write my suggestion for him?

But I was getting ahead of myself. That was still a ways away. Three more days. In the meantime, I had been watching them the day before - the first day of Week Eight. They had done the drill and ceremony competition. It was a way to rank the recruits on shooting, fighting, and overall fitness for the Army. There were forty men in Bucky's platoon. He had come in the third rank overall. I had been somewhere in between proud and disappointed. Proud because he was so good at what he was doing. Disappointed because I knew that his continuous success would mean that there would be no choice but to put him on the front lines.

Yesterday I hadn't been around to watch. While they'd been doing all of the drills and ceremony competition, I'd gone to Stark Industries. Howard had taken me there to do a live test on the Vita-Ray Chamber. We were ensuring that it would be strong enough to support the radiation before removing it from Stark Industries. We couldn't risk radiating the newest troops. Thankfully, the machine had held me. There were a few scorch marks and warps in the metal that Howard would have to buff out, but nothing too bad for the brief amount of time that the rays would be subjected to the soldier. In the meantime, the chamber had been moved to Camp Lehigh.

It would remain here until we were ready to use it. I knew that Abraham was looking back and forth all over the Army recruit files for someone that could end up in the chamber. The closer that we got to being able to operate it, the more that we realized that we actually needed someone to get into the chamber. Over in the corner I saw that Peggy had finally managed to stand from her bed and was now rubbing her eyes, trying to get herself ready for the day.

She would not be coming on the trip. For a moment I wished that I hadn't signed up. But I knew that Chester would have signed me up anyways. I had to be there to watch them. "Morning, Peggy," I chirped at her.

She turned to me and smiled as she began combing through her hair. "You seem awful chipper this morning," she told me. I smiled at her. I was rather chipper today. Perhaps it was because we were so close to the end. I would at least get to get away from training the recruits for a few weeks. "Is it the fact that in just over one week Private Barnes will be available?" she continued.

My head snapped over to her and I smiled. "That might be part of it," I muttered.

Peggy was clearly pleased by my statement. She opened her mouth and I rolled my eyes, already well-aware of where this was going. "Remember, I'm to be -"

"The Maid of Honor, yes, Peggy, I've remembered all of this," I interrupted her. She was smiling at me. "I'm pretty sure that you and Howard will have my wedding planned long before I ever actually get to walk down the aisle," I teased her.

And it was the truth. They had already decided what they wanted to happen. It was going to be somewhere warm, since they both knew that I didn't like the cold. Peggy had already determined that she would go dress shopping with me since I apparently didn't know anything about personal style. Howard would ensure that there was only the best. He had so much money that I couldn't imagine that he had much else that he could use it for. They already had everything planned. There was only one thing missing. The groom.

Peggy's voice brought me back to reality. "Well I never really got to plan my own wedding, so I'll plan my best friends instead," she told me softly.

Suddenly I felt terrible for teasing her about it. She was right. Her own wedding had been called off. She'd never really gotten the chance to plan for it. And I knew that where she was from she had never really had a friend before. Not like me. Well, no one was really like me. But she'd never had a girl that she could talk to and get along with.

So I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her in. "Love you, girl."

"Love you too."

We released each other and I finished packing up the last few things that I needed for the trip. "You ready for the three day Victory Forge?" I asked her. I figured that it was somewhat of a break for her since almost half of the camp would be gone.

She rolled her eyes. "No. It's never exactly fun for me while I'm here." I raised an eyebrow. "I have to go back and forth taking care of everything before graduation. I don't get a second to myself," she said.

Now I understood. We were getting so close to the wire that no one really had a second to themselves. The recruits were enjoying getting to lay back for a few days until they got to graduate after all of their hard work, but we certainly didn't. We had to make sure that everything was running smoothly. And we didn't even get a second after they were gone. Just days after they all deployed, we'd be ready to bring in the new recruits. This time they would all be here as possibilities to begin human testing for Operation Rebirth.

But still, at least she got air conditioning here. We would be out in the hot woods. Spring air had seeped into New Jersey, and with it came the humidity. "At least you get to stay here. I have to actually go out there with them," I groaned.

I could bring up the wind columns around me, but I had to be careful. Chester would smack me if I got myself caught. "I thought that you volunteered for Victory Forge?" Peggy asked as she began to change.

"I did. But that doesn't mean that I actually want to do it," I said. She laughed at me. "I just wanted to get out of the labs for a little while. I'm sick of staring at the same equations over and over again. Plus, I want the recruits to know that if I can do it without complaint, they had damn well better be able to do it without complaint," I added.

Peggy glanced over her shoulder at me with a raised brow. "Well keep in mind that you're not completely human," she said.

Maybe true, but that didn't mean anything. Plenty of other humans had done it before. They would be just fine. I decided to have a little fun with it. "That shouldn't matter, they're men. They're superior to women," I droned.

Peggy and I both stared at each other before bursting out into laughter. We quieted down quickly, knowing that our neighbors wouldn't appreciate the noise this early in the morning. It took nearly two minutes for us to calm down. "Not having breakfast with Private Barnes this morning?" Peggy asked me as I tied my boots up.

I shook my head at her. "There isn't really time. I'm getting ready and he's getting ready. I can manage. We'll be able to openly show affection in a little over a week. I think I can make it that far," I told her.

The air changed in the room and I glanced up to see that she was grinning at me. I shouldn't have told her what happened. "I'm not so sure, considering..." she trailed off.

"Oh, stop!" I barked at her. After a moment I shoved my palms into my eyes. I thought about that moment far too often. "I still can't believe that happened."

"I can," Peggy immediately responded. My head snapped up and I sent her a playful glare. She merely continued to smile at me. "So has Howard finished checking the vials of blood that you sent him?" she asked after a beat.

He had been running them through every test in the book over the last few days. "He sent me a message yesterday saying that he had finished looking over them. Said that he found a few oddities. Shocking," I commented dryly. We both laughed as I stood from the bed and placed my bag outside the door for one of the men coming with us to grab. "But he also said that he found a solution."

"Solution?"

Now she looked genuinely interested. I knew that she found everything to do with me interesting. I suppose I was. "You know. To the rather... animalistic... tendencies that I've been having recently," I said awkwardly, unsure of how else to put it.

As usual, Peggy was giving me a sideways grin. "Are you sure that it's actually something in your DNA that's changed?" I cocked my head at her, unsure of what she was getting at. "Maybe you're just experiencing new feelings towards Private Barnes," she said.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head at her. It went much beyond our little bonding session. "It's not just that, Peggy. I feel like I want to destroy something all of the time. I haven't felt as good as when I broke Abraham's wall in weeks. It's a predatory urge. It's something that happens in animals, not so much humans," I told her.

She was trying to process the information. "Do you think that it's something that Stryker did to you?" she finally said.

It was one of the things that I'd been thinking of. But to be completely honest, I wasn't really sure. "I think that it's a mix of the things that Stryker did to me, perhaps aging, the recession of physical activity, and it might even have something to do with Bucky. Every day that I was with Stryker I was pushing myself to the limit, exerting all physical energy that I had to the point of exhaustion. It's not like that anymore. I've kept physical activity to a minimum," I told her.

"It's like a soda can," she said. I stared at her blankly. "Shake it up and the bottle pressurizes. When it's released even a little, the contents begin to expand quickly, too fast to control," she continued.

My jaw nearly dropped. Peggy was no fool but she didn't exactly understand science the way that I did. I was rather impressed by her explanation. "That's actually a very good way to put it," I told her.

"Thank you," Peggy chirped proudly. "I thought so too."

"Should have been a teacher," I joked with her.

Something about her reaction told me that I had said something that hit a little too close to him. Immediately I clammed up. "No way. That and nursing were the only two options for women at the college that I attended." I raised a brow at her. At least she was allowed to go to college. Plenty of women went to college here in the States, but that didn't mean that they were treated well. "I decided that there was no way that I was going to do either of those things," she added.

"So what did you do?" I asked curiously.

I knew that she had worked for MI-6, but she hadn't told me the whole story. "I went into espionage. Luckily, you don't need a degree for that," she said.

We both giggled together for a moment before I backed away and headed towards the door. I would have loved to stay and chat with her, but we both had things to do. "Okay, I need to go warn the recruits that they have one hour until we're leaving. I don't know if I'll be back or not before we depart, so I'll see you in three days," I told her.

She nodded at me, heading into the bathroom and running the faucet. "Have fun out there. And remember, pine trees make for the best coverage," she called out.

My face wrinkled in confusion. What the hell did that mean? "What are you -" I began to ask before realizing exactly what she was getting at. "Oh! Peggy!" I shouted at her.

Peggy popped her head out of the bathroom long enough to grin at me. "Get going. I'll see you in a few days."

"Bye, Pegs."

Opening the door, I stepped out into the hallway and greeted the Drill Sergeant that was grabbing my bag, giving him a quick thanks. We were both quiet about it, trying to avoid waking up anyone else in their rooms. On my way out I said hello to a few other members that were up and walking around. Most of them looked tired but also ready to get the day going. I knew that they were all ready to be done with this recruit class and bring in the next. It didn't feel like they could be taught anything more.

As I walked past the lab I said hello to my team - all who groggily said their hello's back. They were clearly tired and I couldn't blame them. I knew that they had been up for most of the night working on their pieces of the project. Last night I had left them all with requests for things that I wanted them to work on while I was gone. I knew that Abraham would ensure that they were working by my orders while I was gone. I had no doubt that John would try and ignore my orders.

Heading over to the trucks, I handed one of the men that backpack that was slung over my shoulders. It had the files that I would be working with in it. I would be going back and forth between walking with the men and assisting and riding in the trucks. It was so that I could observe them close up and from a distance. Plus the workers seemed to think that I would get tired if I actually had walk the entire time. Fools. But I couldn't say that. So I would keep in my place, making remarks to help suggest where each man would be deployed to. I had thought about sabotaging Bucky to help keep him safer, but I wouldn't. He'd be furious if he ever found out.

Plus I could only imagine how I would feel if someone did the same thing to me. I knew that this was what he had always wanted. In some ways I wanted it for him too. I wanted him to feel the gratuity of all of his work. But I also wanted him safe. He had promised me the life that I had always wanted and here he was, potentially throwing it away. I knew that my thoughts were selfish, but I couldn't help it. Perhaps Peggy was right. Maybe I was in love with him. Maybe that was why the thought of saying goodbye in a week hurt so badly.

Trying to brush off the thoughts and pretend to look excited for the recruits, I stepped up to the loading bay. They were all standing there, each looking more excited than the last. They were clearly ready to get underway with Victory Forge. I knew that they could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Gunfire. I shook that thought off when I spotted Bucky standing with Jeremy. They were both fixing up their uniforms. Bucky turned towards me for a moment - looking slightly surprised to see me - before regaining his composure and winking at me.

I smiled and looked away, treasuring the small moment. One of the last few that we would have for a while. "Did he just wink at you?" Chester snapped at me, startling me slightly.

I knew that he was here, but I hadn't thought that he was standing right behind me. "No," I answered quickly.

"Yes he did," Chester snapped.

Distract him. "You need to get your eyes checked, old man. You think your old ass is actually going to be able to make it out there for three days?" I asked teasingly. Some of the Drill Sergeants walked away fighting back smiles.

Chester glared at me before checking that no one was standing too close to us. "I should have shot you back on the farm," he deadpanned.

Definitely a good thing that no one else was around to hear that. Giving him a little grin, I shook my head. "I warned you back then, it would have only made me angry."

"Okay, so it's not too effective on you. What about on your little friend?" he asked me, giving Bucky a very pointed look. My face paled slightly. I knew that Chester wouldn't resist shooting someone if he really felt the need. "What do you think a buckshot to the ass would do to him?" he asked me.

Despite the idea that Bucky getting shot was terrifying, I couldn't help but to laugh. "Please don't. But if you do, make sure that I'm there to watch," I said. Chester let one of his rare smiles slip and I stepped past him. "Let's get this show on the road. Good morning, recruits," I called out. They all turned to me. "How is everyone feeling?" I asked.

The men straightened up and nodded at me but I could tell that they were fidgeting. They were excited. "Good," they all muttered back to me. There were small whoops of excitement and a little bit of chattering. I didn't say anything against it. They'd earned being a little excited.

"I know. You're all excited, as you have every right to be. You're almost done. This is the last thing that you need to do before we send you off to your graduation and on to defend our country. We thank you for your service and your dedication to training. I know that each and every one of you is going to go out there and make us proud. You're going to make me proud." I gave Bucky a quick glance over at this. "You have one hour to prepare for Victory Forge. Take a breath and remember, you aren't to graduation just yet. We will meet you back here at oh-six-hundred hours," I said before stepping off.

Chester gave me a quick pat on the back as I turned back to the mess hall. I intended to pick up a muffin or something of the sorts before we were ready to go. Maybe I'd stop in and say goodbye to Abraham as well. After all, he had been extremely good with me over the past few days. And we had bonded when I'd spent a few minutes fixing the wall yesterday. He had been fascinated to see me at work. Cement was harder to work with considering that it wasn't really earth, but I managed well enough.

About one hundred feet away from the labs, I heard a call. "Victoria!"

I turned back and smiled when I saw that Howard was running up to me, straightening out his suit. Always dressed to the T. "Good morning, Howard," I greeted politely.

With everything that he had been doing for me, I could try and be nice. "Can I speak to you for a few minutes before you embark on your trip?" he asked me.

"No," I answered quickly with a blank stare. The two of us stared at each other before I cracked a smile. The two of us began laughing softly as I motioned for him to follow me. "Sure. Let's go to my office," I said.

We weren't even walking for ten seconds before the berating began. "Are you and Barnes sharing a tent?" he asked me.

Bucky actually wouldn't be in a tent at all. He and the other recruits would be sleeping in the open air. If they even slept. Tonight would really be the only night that they would get a chance to sleep. The Sergeants and Colonels that would be coming - as well as the Drill Sergeants on their off time - would be the only ones that would actually get to sleep in the tents for the two nights that we would be out there. But I didn't say any of that. Instead, I settled for the childish route.

"Shut up."

Howard knew that he was getting to me. He had that damn twinkle in the corners of his eyes. "You could snuggle together to provide each other warmth after those long, hard, days trekking through the wilderness," he continued.

"Shut up."

"But, you know, they say that the best way to keep someone warm when they're freezing is by direct contact -"

I knew where this conversation was going. "Shut up!" I howled, giving him a rough shove.

Howard didn't seem fazed. He turned a little grin on me. "Your eyes are pink," he said.

Of course, I knew that my eyes were pink. My imagination was wandering towards what would have happened the other night if that woman hadn't accidentally knocked into my door. "I wonder why that could be," I snapped at him.

Howard grinned at me and wrapped an arm over my shoulders. "I'm just messing with you, Victoria," he told me.

I knew that he was messing with me. And that was exactly why I decided to mess with him. "How about this? When it comes time to do human experimentation with the chamber, we put you in there to test it out?" I asked.

"I might be able to beat you afterwards," he said.

I rolled my eyes at him. There was no way that he would beat me. He wasn't trained like I was. The one thing that I could thank Stryker for was the fact that he had ensured that I would never lose. "Yeah, right. I don't care who comes out of that chamber or what they look like. I know that I'll be able to beat them without a problem," I said.

"Humble," Howard quipped.

I raised a brow at him. "Do you own a mirror?"

"Quite a few, actually."

We strutted off to my office somewhere in between smiling and wanting to kill each other. It seemed to be the way that our friendship was most of the time. We walked into the offices and I headed into the back, where mine was. It had been added recently. Abraham had thought that I should have one of my own so he had changed it to an office from a small closet. It was just enough for myself and one other person. Which was probably a good thing, since every time that I was in there, Howard was too.

As we walked into the offices I greeted my team. They all smiled weakly at me before glancing down at their paperwork once more. They seemed much more eager to talk to Howard. Not that it was anything abnormal. As I walked I noticed that Abraham was nowhere to be found. He was probably in his office, considering that the window blinds were closed. He must have been pining over his own work. Howard and I made our way back to my office before walking in and closing the door behind us.

There were no windows so I flicked on the light. There was only the one light so sometimes it really was hard to see outside. But the additional light from the crack underneath the door helped. The office wasn't much. There was a filing cabinet on the far wall that I had already managed to fill. My desk sat on the other edge of the room with two chairs. One for Howard and one for me. Right next to the door was a table for me to place whatever I needed down. Right now it was cluttered with paperwork and my assigned pistol. A Colt 1903, just like Peggy.

Howard took a seat and began spreading out paperwork. He must have been working here last night. He had the spare key to my office. "So I spent some time going over the vials that you sent me. Took me a long time to decode them, considering the presence of Chronicle, but I was finally able to separate the hormones from the chemical reactions of the Chronicle," he said. I nodded at him to continue. "I found a few oddities."

"Shocking," I muttered.

Howard glanced up at me as I took the empty chair. "Even for you."

"What did you find?" I asked.

"Take a look."

He moved his torso back slightly so that I could look over what he was showing me. It was a large spread of papers. Some had most of the sections crossed out. Others were barely written on, only a few words. I could see the pages that were my medical files. Almost everything had notes scratched out by Howard. I recognized his writing. Clearly he had been pouring over these quite a bit.

Numbers and equations were written everywhere. To the average person it probably looked like a bunch of mumbo jumbo. But I knew that it was my DNA. It looked startlingly different from normal. Not that it was surprising. Everything was crammed together and I knitted my eyebrows in concentration. It was hard to understand. After a few minutes, Howard grabbed a paper and pushed it in front of me. On the last page was a slightly more comprehensible list.

They were the hormones that were most present in my bloodstream. I had a feeling that whatever was wrong with me had something to do with my hormones. Thyroxine was near the top of the list. T3 and T4. My eyebrows rose. They were most commonly present in animals. It was there to increase metabolism. It was also responsible for growth and neural development. Kind of lacking on the growth there, kids. But it was doing its other job. Maybe a little too well. Although this was uncommon. It was found in animals more than humans. And it was always present in high levels in predators. Around one hundred. My level was over two hundred.

There was also a high level of cortisol. It mediated metabolic responses to stress. Like the other hormones, I had an extraordinarily high rate. It was to a dangerous rate. Perhaps this was why I'd been so tense lately. Epinephrine followed with another high level. It was essentially adrenaline. It came from the adrenal gland and stimulated the immediate fight or flight reactions. For most people it tended to lean towards the flight reaction. My levels were overwhelming and all motivated straight at the fight reaction. Perhaps that was why I had been having so many homicidal tendencies lately.

There was also a high level of the growth hormones that were found in animals. It was a little different from humans. It was stronger and targeted more to muscle mass. From the anterior pituitary gland, it stimulated protein synthesis and growth. It was half of the reason that my muscles - despite not looking like much - were so strong. Even without my Adamantium skeleton, my muscles were so strong that I could have easily punched a hole through someones sternum.

The melanocyte-stimulating hormone was normally present in humans. Animals as well. It controlled endorphins and enkephalins pain control. But not in me. There was absolute absence. That was something that Stryker had given me. It was what had happened to me when I went into the hydro-chamber. Thymosin activated immune system in T cells. It was part of the reason that I never got sick. They all equated to levels found in animals such as tigers, lions, and jaguars. Nothing close to humans.

They were all animal hormones though. There were human hormones present too. They were down towards the bottom of the page. My eyes scanned over them, my hands shaking gently. This wasn't anything that I had ever seen before. I'd always known that I was different. The Chronicle was proof of that. But I hadn't ever actually gone this deep. This was just proof that I wasn't really human. No matter what Chester, Howard, Peggy, or Bucky thought, I was not normal. I never could be.

I began reading over the human hormones. Leukotrienes increased vascular permeability. It was partially responsible for the healing factor, considering that I was able to carry proteins through my body faster. Enkephalin regulated pain. There was a near absence. The only reason that there was even a slight presence was so that I could actually feel human touch. But it was so low that my body didn't process pain as anything more than a normal feeling. It was strange. The whole thing was strange.

Endophilin smoothed muscle contraction. It was why I was always able to deflect hits. It might have also been why I was on the smaller side. Ghrelin stimulated appetite. There were low levels. It was probably from my time at Stryker's lab. But it also secreted a growth hormone. Even though the hormone was supercharged, the low levels must have kept me from growing. Leptin was what was helping keep my metabolism high and appetite low. Orexin and osteocalcin were good for increased energy expenditure. Thrombopoietin produced platelets.

Many of these hormones were the reason for my regrowth mutation. Producing platelets was the reason that I was able to keep myself from bleeding out. Some of these hormones were also what we were adding to the super soldier serum. But nothing was at this high of rates. Androgen was the last hormone I saw. Libido, growth of muscle mass and strength, and bone density. They were all at extremely high rates. Much higher than normal. Even for a super-soldier.

Finally I looked back at Howard. He had been looking at me the entire time, gauging my reactions. "These levels are even higher than what we're trying to put into the super-soldier serum," I muttered.

Howard sighed and began pulling the papers back together. I noticed that he left one paper out. "Super-solider or not, if these levels were in anyone else, it'd kill them," he said. He was right. These should have thrown my vascular system into overdrive. But for some reason, it didn't. "Victoria, I think that it's safe to say that you're the only person that's able to tolerate these kind of levels."

"I've done blood-work before though. My levels were always high, but they were never like this," I said awkwardly.

And I had. My parents had. Stryker had. Everyone had. But these levels were something new. Recently I had still been able to pass off as somewhat normal. "I have a theory for that," Howard said.

"Please share."

"You mentioned to me last week that you felt more like an animal lately than a human."

He was right about that. At any moment I was preparing myself to develop a taste for raw meat. "I did."

Howard took a deep breath before speaking. "I think that you might have been onto something there." Well that definitely doesn't sound good. I nodded at him to continue. "Humans - physically - reach maturity somewhere between twenty-two and twenty-five. Now that case might be a little different for you. You've reached maturity - physically - faster than the average person." I was twenty-two, but I understood what Howard was getting at. The average person would still have a ways to go. "Now, for a normal person like myself, maturity means attracting a mate and producing offspring," he said.

These were all things that I was well aware of. But I knew that Howard had a reason for repeating them. Still, I couldn't resist harassing him. "That's the most serious I've ever heard you sound about sex," I teased.

His serious demeanor turned playful. "I could make it much worse if you'd like," he offered.

Oh no. That wasn't something that I wanted. I had no doubt that he wouldn't spare me a single detail from that part of his life. "No, thank you. Continue," I said.

Howard grinned before speaking again. "But when we look outside in the animal kingdom - take big cats for example - they reach maturity in a different way." I raised a brow. I understood animals well enough, but they'd never really been my thing. "Sure, they're looking to mate for offspring as well, but there's something else that they're looking for. Acceptance into the pride. That means hunting, killing; proving themselves to be efficient hunters and fighters. Providers. Leaders. They fight for their spots at the top of the food chain.

"I think that something that Stryker did to you, and your design by nature, has designed you to act more like a predator now that you've reached maturity. Your epinephrine levels are through the roof. And it seems that you're locked onto the fight reaction. You said that you broke Dr. Erskine's cement wall the other day?" he asked me. I nodded. "A fight reaction. You were angry and you fought. Despite the fact that you fought with something that couldn't fight back," he teased.

My grin fell off of my face as I deadpanned at him. "I'd kill anything that could fight back," I said seriously. Howard had to know that no matter how much I liked to laugh and try to pretend that I was like him, I wasn't.

"I know," Howard said softly.

I could tell that he was hurting because he couldn't figure out how to help me. He knew how much my predicament really bothered me. So I decided to try and appease him. "So how do we curb it? I can't just inject myself with other hormones. The Chronicle prevents it from seeping into the bloodstream," I told him. Whatever we used, it would have to be fast-acting. "Howard, I can't just act like an animal for the rest of my life. I could end up seriously hurting someone," I said softly.

As mean and tough as I pretended to be, I couldn't tolerate really hurting someone. Especially not Bucky. As usual, Howard had an answer. "Two steps ahead of you, doll. That's why I've been as Stark Industries all weekend. It took some researching - a lot of research with minimal sleep - but I found something. I've been working on it all weekend," he told me.

He backed away from the desk slightly and I watched as he went digging through his pockets. He took a moment before seemingly finding what he wanted. He pulled out a plastic bag of something that looked like pills. I cocked my head to the side. What the hell were those? They were white with a tiny X marked on them. I almost smiled. It was for the X-Gene. This was something that only I could take. I did a mental count of the pills and - despite not being able to actually tell how many there were - found that there were about one hundred pills right now.

Howard seemed to know that I was confused. "It won't present itself in the bloodstream at all if you swallow it. The body will process it as food since it won't dissolve until it hits the stomach acid and from there it will expand to the rest of your organs. It'll slow down some of the hormone production in your body." I nodded blankly at him, grabbing one of the pills. "We can't allow your body to get used to it, so take it once a week, maximum. It should curb the effects. Those should last you about two years."

"What is it?" I asked after a beat.

Howard had never seemed like much of a medicine man, but I trusted that he knew what he was talking about. "Lots of things. I have the whole chemical list right here. You're more than welcome to look at it anytime." I nodded and tucked the remaining paper into my desk. "Mainly it's composed of oxytocin." I nodded at him. It was the calming hormone. It decreased stress and anger.

We sat in silence for a moment as I rolled the pill over in my hand a few times. "So it should decrease all of these levels," I said.

Howard nodded at me. "Yes. Nothing about your physical state should change." Well that was good to know. I looked strange enough, as is. "It'll just make you a little calmer and less prone to homicidal tendencies," he said jokingly.

"Good. I can't stand to be weak," I answered.

His head cocked to the side as he stared at me. The two of us simply sat in silence for a few moments. "Nothing about the homicidal tendencies?" he finally asked me.

I gave him a small shrug. "What part of Savage did you not understand?" I asked.

Howard grinned at me before shaking his head. "Nothing. Overall, you'll be exactly the same. I can't slow down the ghrelin levels. They should actually cause you to continue growing. Theoretically speaking, you should be the size of the Statue of Liberty." The two of us both snorted. I was barely over five feet. "However, your metabolic rate is so fast that no physical changes can be seen."

Taking one of the pills, I swallowed one and gave Howard a tight hug. "Thank you for this. I'll let you know how they work," I said.

At least the Chronicle would ensure that I couldn't be poisoned in the event that Howard had made a mistake somewhere. "Considering they're designed by me, they'll be flawless," he said arrogantly.

A small glare settled over my face. "Need I remind you about the flying car?"

It would have crashed to the ground had I not caught it. "It's still a prototype!" he barked at me. I grinned and took his hand to stand. "I'll be showing it at the Modern Marvels of Tomorrow Exhibition after the recruits graduate. Will you come with me?" he asked.

The Modern Marvels of Tomorrow would be happening just a few hours after the recruits graduated. I'd go with Bucky to meet up with Steve beforehand. It made me shake slightly that a week from today I would be seeing Steve again after all of these years. He had always been my best friend, but it had been a long time since we'd seen each other. I could only hope that he didn't hate me for being gone all of these years. But considering that it was Steve, he might be shocked, but he wouldn't hate me.

"I'll be there anyways," I finally said, remembering that Howard had asked me something. "Bucky is going with our friend Steve before he deploys. He invited me to come with them."

Howard scoffed and shook his head at me. "No, Victoria. I don't want to steal you away from your boy on your last night together," I gave him a sharp glare, "but I do want you to come up on stage for a while and speak with me. I'm the chairman and corporate executive officer for Stark Industries. I want to introduce my new corporate operations officer," he said.

My jaw was nearly hanging limply. Corporate operations officer was only one step below the corporate executive officer position - the highest in the company. Howard was waiting for my answer with a grin. "Really?" I asked softly.

Howard smiled at me and grabbed my hand. "I told you, Victoria. I want you to work with me once we finish with Operation Rebirth," he told me. He had said that before, but I wasn't really sure that he actually wanted to work with me. "After everything, you'll be one of the most sought after minds. And I want first pick. So what do you say?" he asked.

It was a no-brainer. Once I got off of Operation Rebirth I'd have to find something else to do. And working at Stark Industries would be a good start. "I say that I'm on board. I'll meet you there before you get on stage. And I also say that I'm late. I have to go. Thank you for doing all of this," I said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. We were close to the one-hour mark. "See you in three days!" I called.

My feet rushed me out of the offices and I shouted back to my team a quick goodbye. I got mostly grunts in return. Howard chuckled as I ran out and shut the door behind me, going back to his own work. I didn't mind him using my office while I was gone. He used it most of the time that I was here anyways. I assumed that it was mostly because he didn't like working by himself. Even if we didn't talk, it was always nicer to be sitting with each other. At least then we knew that we were both frustrated with our lack of progress.

But that was a thought for another time. I hoped that by the time that I got back, Abraham would have begun animal testing on a regular basis. We'd tried with a rat two days ago. Unfortunately the animal hadn't made it. It had overwhelmed the nervous system. We were hoping that it wouldn't happen in a human. I dashed through the camp before heading over to the start of the foot march area. The men were all getting ready for Victory Forge to begin. Chester was already sitting up in the truck with a spot open for me.

Chester glanced down at me as I ran up. "You're almost late," he growled.

"Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades," I said. I noticed Chester's lips twitch upwards. He had always said that at home. I cleared my throat and faced the recruits. "Let me have your attention!" I shouted. They all turned back to me. "At this point, you must complete a six-mile tactical foot march in three hours. You must wear all equipment properly, you must have Kevlar helmet on your head, and you must carry your M1903 Springfield rifle at the ready position. This means that the rifle must be ready for use against the enemy. What are your questions?" I called out.

Thankfully there were none as recruits made last minute changes to their uniforms. A few Drill Sergeants that were in the trucks were making comments to themselves about incorrect stances or slight differences in uniforms. Mostly there were just small things that were wrong. Bucky didn't seem to have anything wrong with himself. I sighed and nodded at him. I really was proud. I was just scared for him too. I paused a full five seconds to observe everyone and wait for questions.

"Begin!"

Day one progressed from that moment on. The men began marching at somewhat of a run. It wasn't really a run. More of something like a slow jog. I hopped into the truck besides Chester, kicked off my boots, crossed my legs up on the dashboard, and grabbed my papers. Slowly I slipped my glasses onto the bridge of my nose and began flipping through them. I wasn't planning to write anything just yet but I wanted to be comfortable. I intended to spend most of the day watching them.

They started with the ten kilometer foot march. They had done this last week so I knew that they would manage to do it by themselves. But the Drill Sergeants were still around to watch over everyone. They were also making sure that they had enough water to keep them. Although, it really wouldn't look good to take extra water. The march was exactly six-point-two miles long. It would be a long day for the recruits, especially considering that the sun was already high in the sky and beating down on the men. By noontime it would be excruciatingly hot.

They began with individual tasks. There were three sections of each of the individual training that the Drill Sergeants would be watching. The men ran about half a mile before coming to a stop. They all began working on the first part of their individual training. They had to know both the Original Morse Code and the International Morse Code. Original had gone out about ten years ago - replaced by teleprinters - but it was still important to know on the off-chance that they couldn't use International. They were all kneeling in their spots, each person working to deliver messages that the Drill Sergeants were ordering.

Most of the time I hung around Bucky's station. He had been ordered the easiest More Code to do. SOS. Come on Bucky, you know this one. He sat over the telegraph and began programming the order. Three dits, three dahs, three dits. He did a few others like 'My position is...' and 'Infiltrate at...' He got them all right. I made a small mark on his paper, feeling my chest give a painful twist. That was one of the skills that men on the front lines were looking for.

Afterwards they had to send a radio message as well. He was alright with it. There were some men that were faster, but there were plenty that were slower. The radio message was always something that would be done in desperation. They then moved on to engaging targets - that had already been laid out to expand over a fourth of a mile - with the M1903 Springfield. As expected, Bucky was good. He would make an excellent sniper. He had perfect eyesight and was one of the best men at long-distance shots. He never missed. Begrudgingly, I added that to the markings on his file.

From there they moved after an eighth of a mile off of the trail that they were doing the foot march on. Here they were employing hand grenades. It wasn't really about accuracy - as long as they were hitting near the targets - as long as the men understood how to safely use them and use the warnings. They moved back over to the main pathway afterwards and began practicing the preventative medicine. I smiled, knowing that Bucky wouldn't get a single question wrong. We had gone over these questions plenty of times.

He moved on from there to the next test of the foot march. It was moving under direct fire. They had to be careful with this part of the training exercise. The recruits moved in pairs through dredges, being careful to avoid the Drill Sergeants that were firing their rifles from up in lifts in the trees. Every now and again the recruits would be ordered to change directions or to stop. They had to manage to get out of the path in two minutes without getting injured. Thankfully no one was shot. Bucky was one of the fastest recruits to get in and out of the dredge.

Tomorrow this would be harder. During the Night Infiltration Course they would do this all over again. But it would be pitch-black. Their last task for this first phase of the foot march was moving over, through or around obstacles that had already been laid out. Most of them were repeats from the training courses back at camp. But these were more practical. They had been weathered, some were slippery, others were narrow, they weren't all the same size, and most were made of splintered woods. Plenty of recruits were cut. Bucky slipped off of one of the obstacles but he didn't fall. I made sure to mark that as well.

At this point they were allowed to take a break. They would get one more before finishing the rounds and being allowed to stop for the night. They would be allowed to take lunch after the next set of individual tasks. I walked out of the trucks and headed around the group of recruits. They were all panting heavily. They knew that there was a mile run after this to the next section. I was ensuring that everyone had their water bottles with them and were doing alright. Camp Lehigh had had the occasional recruit pass out from heat exhaustion.

Slowly I walked back and forth between them. They were all sitting on the ground with their heads in their hands. No one was speaking to each other as they thought over what they were going to have to do when it came time to move again. They were only allowed to rest for about ten minutes while we all went around and checked on them. One of the Drill Sergeants - Randy - was headed straight towards Bucky so I discreetly stepped in front of him and stood at Bucky's feet.

He was mumbling to himself. It sounded like he was repeating a mantra to himself. "Recruit?" I called professionally. Bucky glanced up at me with tired eyes but they brightened when he saw that it was me. "You're doing alright?" I asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"You're doing well. Keep it up," I said.

Bucky glanced around us for a few seconds. No one was watching. Even Chester was busy with someone else. Once he realized that no one else was watching us he glanced back at me. "Where are you going to be tonight?" he asked.

I should have figured that he was going to do something like that. As much as I wanted to see him, we both had things that we needed to do. "Working," I answered bluntly, before glancing back at him. "And you'll be sleeping."

It was said like a request, but he should have known that it was an order. It didn't matter to him. He grinned at me and leaned into me, keeping a distance that could still appear respectful if someone happened to spot us. "Come on, where's the Vika that always liked to break the rules?" he teased.

He wasn't wrong. I had always liked breaking the rules. But we were breaking enough rules lately. "Making sure that you get put where you belong. Focus on training for the next few days, Bucky. This is the last thing that you have to do. And you're doing well so far," I said.

My words did almost nothing for Bucky. He stared at me blankly for a moment before grinning up at me. "I'm gonna come see you tonight," he said.

"Are you deaf?" I snapped.

Bucky grinned at me once more. "No, it's just called selective listening."

I rolled my eyes but said nothing to him. He was going to come see me, no matter what I said. So I rolled my eyes and turned to leave. "Get ready to get back to work," I snapped at him. He chuckled and nodded at me. "You better be working hard. I'll whoop your ass if you aren't," I warned him, taking a step back.

There was a dangerous twinkle in his eyes. "I just might enjoy that," he muttered.

The blush that fell over my face was something that I wasn't surprised about. Before my eyes could turn pink I glanced away and walked off, over to the next recruit. I could feel the laughter oozing off of Bucky. He knew that saying something like that would get me going. And he was right. I didn't know if I wanted to go on a sprint to brush off the feelings that had seeped into me, or if I wanted to pull him behind one of the towering pine trees. Damn you, Peggy!

Not far from me a whistle blew and I jumped slightly. Glancing upwards I saw that the men were all standing and getting ready to move out again. They had now moved on to the individual task rotation, two of three. These were harder than the first set. There was less theoretical and more practical. There was almost no time for the men to sit and talk to the Drill Sergeants during this set. So, with another whistle, the recruits jumped up and dashed through the mile-long run.

Hopping back up into the truck with Chester once more, I kicked off the shoes that had been on and the jacket. The car began to follow the recruits and I made marks about who was fast, who was good with staying in line, and who were on the slower side. It took them just under six minutes to finish the run before heading over to the next section of the course. This was a large portion of somewhat cleared woods where the men had to run back and forth between the sections.

The first thing that they had to do was important. They had to react to indirect fire while dismounted. Essentially it meant that the men were standing in a field without any weapons. They had to figure out how to get out of the field without being injured. They were using a type of colored chalk - to ensure that if someone was hit, they wouldn't be injured. A few people were clipped by them, some were hit directly, but most managed to avoid the fire. Bucky was one of the men that had managed to get away without a scratch, although he had taken a fall. I hadn't felt as relieved as I did when I saw that he got out without a chalk mark on him in weeks.

Afterwards they had to move to reacting to flares. One of the Drill Sergeants stood off about a mile away and fired the flare. It was up to the recruit to go hunt down where the flare had been fired from. Everyone managed, but some people needed two or three flares to actually find the person firing them. It would be dangerous in battle. If one went off there would only be so much time before enemy forces found them as well. Bucky was one of the recruits that managed to find his Drill Sergeant in one try. It took him about nine minutes to find him.

After that was one of my personal favorites. They moved to temporary fighting positions to show how they would attack an enemy soldier. I rolled my eyes watching them. They were good enough, but none of them were fighting accurately. They would have never been able to fight someone like me. If the day ever came that I admitted what I was, I was going to be sure to show them exactly how to fight properly. Bucky was doing reasonably well, but he was keeping his weight on his toes rather than his heels, and he was keeping his head straight up rather than tucked in slightly. Someone would break his jaw if he wasn't careful.

My stomach curled slightly as I jotted down a few notes. He was one of the better fighters, but being the analyst that I was, I spotted everything that could be used against him in a fight. And there were far too many things for my comfort. After that they moved to the camouflage section. Unfortunately Bucky wasn't too good with it. Good enough from a distance, but not good up-close. He moved to working with the individual equipment afterwards. He had to prove that he could clean, disassemble, assemble, and functionally operate his weapons. He had done well on that section and I marked him with full points for it.

He then moved on with some other men - so that we could progress the foot march. There was still lots more to be done before the day was over. They moved on to noise and light discipline. Essentially it was ensuring that the recruits were able to move around with drawing attention to themselves from enemies. Finishing the second round, they had to ensure that they knew how to put on, remove, and store the M40A2 protective mask with the hood. No one seemed to have any issues with that. Not that we had been expecting them to.

After that they were allowed to take a brief break. They would make a two-miles jog after their break. I could see the recruits dropping to the ground once we stopped. The sun was high in the sky and I knew that they were all exhausted. The Drill Sergeants were given food to hand out to the recruits and we walked back and forth, handing them out. They would have thirty minutes to eat and get ready for the run. When I handed Bucky his food, he let his hands linger on mine for a moment and I smiled.

We waited for them to finish their meals and get in their breaks before the whistles began to blast, giving the recruits the one-minute warning until they had to move onto the third round of individual training. Thankfully this was the last tough portion that they had to take care of while moving. They would be allowed to take a break afterwards. We were about two hours into the three-hour foot march and I knew that the recruits were long past ready to turn in for the night.

The whistles gave another long blast and I watched as the recruits jumped up and headed on their two-mile run. My team stayed behind for a few minutes to pack up the gear that the recruits hadn't been told to bring. Once we had gathered everything we hopped back into the trucks and headed off to follow the men once more. We caught up with them towards the end of their run. Sweat was dripping down their foreheads and I saw that some of them looked close to dropping. Bucky looked exhausted, but still determined. I made comments on the files for the recruits that seemed to be having a harder time with the run.

Finally they were allowed to stop so that they could take care of the last three individual training portions that they had to do. They had learned how to recognize and react to chemical or biological hazard. Most of it was easy. They walked through the woods and spotted the tiny little mistakes that might have been triggers to warn someone that something was wrong. They also showed that they knew how to properly dispose of human waste and take care of personal hygiene while deployed. Chester and the other men had written up the reports on that. Partially because I didn't want to write about it, but also partially because it was rude to ask a woman to observe a man in his primitive state.

Once they were done with that, they moved on to things that were a little less awkward for me to deal with. They had to react to nuclear hazards first. This would mostly be a problem if they ended up somewhere in Russia, but just in case, everyone had to know how to handle themselves. I made special notes on anyone that seemed to excel on this point. Bucky was not one of them. The last thing that they had to do was evaluate a casualty. It was reasonably easy. Each man was shown someone with a different ailment. Bucky managed his just fine. In fact, everyone did. I could feel the emotional shift in the air. They were genuinely hurting over the thought of not being able to save everyone.

Cringing at the memory of the purple-skinned mutant boy that I hadn't been able to save in Stryker's lab, I closed my eyes and waited for them to finish the casualty reports. Chester asked if I was alright but I brushed him off, fabricating that it was a bad headache. He hadn't pushed me, probably knowing that whatever I was thinking about wasn't a pleasant memory. And he was right about that.

Thankfully they ended the foot march just over three hours after the start. I knew that they were all exhausted. I could see them dropping into the campsite that we would be staying at today and tomorrow night. They were all muttering to each other and trying to fight off sleep. I smirked as I jumped from the truck, knowing that this was only the beginning. They still had another two more days after this. And this was the easiest of the days.

Stepping in front of them I gave them all a reassuring smile. "Well done today, recruits. We're watching and recording everything that you're doing so work to the best of your ability. This is one of the ways that we determine where to deploy you. Rest up. Get dinner. Get to sleep. Tomorrow you'll have the day to recover. We commence the Night Infiltration Course at sundown. Goodnight," I called out.

They really wouldn't be going to sleep for another few hours, but that was okay. They really wouldn't want to be working at all for another few hours. I could tell that they were all exhausted. Most of the time they were standing and talking to each other. As time passed, I noticed that they were all perking up. I wanted to sit around the fires with them once the sun began to sink, but I had work to do. So I sat in my tent by the lamplight and ate my dinner on the small cot that Chester had laid out for me earlier.

Glancing down at the wristwatch that Chester had given me before departing on our trip, I realized that it was my turn to take the watch. I was somewhat of a nocturnal creature. I much preferred the night, but since society decided that humans should be active in the day, I'd adjusted. But when I'd gotten the opportunity to take the night shift checking on the recruits and sending them to bed, I'd jumped on it. And no one else had wanted the position, so I hadn't needed to fight for it.

Standing from the tent and leaving the papers, I headed out into the little camp that we had set up. The recruits weren't sleeping in tents. They would on the ground. Not exactly comfortable, but they'd have to get used to it. Fires were going all around and I knew that we would have to put them out soon. I walked back and forth, checking on all of the recruits and making sure that they were all still doing alright. They seemed to be fine, simply wanting to learn to eat and live in the woods. I wanted to stop and speak to Bucky for a few minutes, but he was sitting with his friends and I knew that I couldn't have the conversation that I wanted with him around them.

Slowly as the night progressed, one-by-one, the Drill Sergeants and recruits stood to go to sleep. The Drill Sergeants were pairing up in small tents. The recruits had already laid out the tiny bedrolls that they had. The campsite eventually emptied out and I loved off to the furthest fire out from the center of the camp. I didn't want to disturb anyone. I didn't bother changing but I did gather up a blanket that was sitting on my cot and Bucky's jacket that I'd brought with me. I grabbed the files and headed back towards the fire.

Even if I was tired, I wouldn't have been able to sleep. I'd gotten the other files from the rest of the Drill Sergeants and spent nearly half an hour looking over Bucky's. They were all recommending him for the front lines - sniper positions. Smart move. He's good. I knew that I should have marked the same thing, but I couldn't force myself to sign off on his. So I moved to the others. As I sat and filled out forms, writing recommendations and whatnot, a few recruits passed by me to go to the restroom. Most said a quick goodnight after I would warn them to watch out for any animals or traps that we had set - not true, but I liked seeing the minor panic on their faces.

Besides, it was nighttime and I knew that without the glow of the fire they would have a hard time seeing. I would have been able to see just fine even without the light from the fire. But that would have looked strange. I smirked as another recruit headed back to bed, stumbling over a root. I could beat them all at night with my hands tied behind my back and my legs bound. Stryker had ensured that my eyes were well-adjusted to seeing in the darkness. My vision was just as good now as it was in the middle of the day. My head slowly turned up at the sound of another recruit approaching me from behind.

The camp was empty other than the two of us. I opened my mouth to give him the warning that I'd been told to give. "If you're headed to relieve yourself, take precautions," I mumbled.

My hand was flitting over Harry's file. I wasn't sure what I wanted to write for him. He was good, but he wasn't the best. "Romantic," an extremely familiar voice called, "talking about my bowel movements."

Slowly I glanced up to see Bucky leaning on a tree not far from me. He was clearly staring at me with a smile. "You should head back to bed. You might get the day to rest tomorrow but you still have to do the Night Infiltration Course. It's not easy," I told him.

My words weren't meant to be rude. I just wanted him to know that he had things to do. We would have a day or two together once he graduated next week. I needed him focused on the military right now. "I'll go to bed soon. I wanna talk to my girl," he said. I couldn't help it, I smiled as he seated himself on the log next to me.

We sat in silence for a while. Bucky was normally the type of guy that liked to talk the entire time that we were together. He wanted to laugh and tease me and normally I liked that too. But there was a lot weighing the air down right now and I was content just sitting in silence. It seemed like he was too. After a few minutes I offered Bucky a piece of the blanket and he wrapped himself in it, sitting pressed against me. I would hear someone coming, so we were in no danger. After a few seconds he noticed that I was wearing his jacket too. He laughed but didn't ask for it back. Instead, he grabbed the edges and tucked it closer around me.

The two of us sat with our fingers intertwined. My head was resting gently against his arm. I was too short to be able to reach his shoulder. "How did you end up here?" I finally asked.

Bucky glanced down at me with raised brows. "What?" he asked confusedly.

I realized too late that he would have no clue what I was talking about. I gave him a bashful smile and clarified, "The Army. What made you join?" I asked.

His face flushed and for a moment I wondered if a woman had gotten Bucky to join. "I - uh - Steve." My head tilted to the side. "He actually made me join. In thirty-seven, Steve and I were in Art class. That's when we found out that the States had entered the war." I hadn't even known about the war. Stryker hadn't told me anything that was happening in the world. Chester had told me. "By that time I was a three-time YMCA welterweight boxing champion."

A small smile fell over my face. He really was strong. I felt it in his hits. Too bad he didn't have anything in him made from Adamantium or Vibranium. He might stand a chance against me at that point. "I didn't know that," I said softly.

"I never told you. There's lots that I haven't gotten the chance to tell you. I'll tell you everything once I'm back." And you damn well better come back. "Anyways, I spent two weeks training Steve at Goldie's Boxing Gym. We visited the US Recruiting and Induction Centers in New York City. Steve was classified as 4F and rejected from service. I was drafted in the Army later on," he told me.

My heart dropped. He hadn't come in right away. He'd been drafted. But he had signed up for this. He knew what might happen. "Oh. Well, I can't say that I'm surprised that Steve was rejected," I said.

It probably sounded bad, but it was the truth. Steve was a shrimp. He'd been flattened within seconds of signing up. It was safer for him to avoid the military. "It broke his heart," Bucky told me.

Again, it was unsurprising. Joining the war was the only thing that he had ever wanted. "I know. If there's one thing that Steve was ever good at, it was getting in fights that were far bigger than him," I said. We both laughed at the memories of Bucky having to save Steve. "He'd make a wonderful soldier. Too bad nature didn't agree with me."

Bucky smiled at the thought. "It's why I practiced with him so much. I knew that this was the one thing that he wanted," he said.

"You're a good man," I whispered.

Bucky didn't say anything back to me, but I knew that he appreciated it. "Do me a favor," Bucky said after a beat. I hummed at him, running my fingers over the back of his knuckles. They were rougher than they used to be. I liked it better this way. "Take care of Steve while I'm gone," Bucky told me.

Once I got back in touch with Steve I intended to never lose contact with him again. "Always," I promised. "You know, you and Steve, you both always took such good care of me when we were kids. You treated me like a little girl. Is it hard to realize that I'm not a little girl anymore?"

Maybe the day would eventually come that women could manage to take care of themselves. But that day wasn't today. "We live in the day and age where all women should be protected. It's how I grew up," Bucky told me. I nodded, remembering his mother always telling him to treat women well. "You're the only woman that I've ever met that didn't need or want a man to protect her."

My lips turned up in a bitter smile. I would never need anyone to protect me. "I guess it's the one thing that I can thank my parents for. A few others too." I'd be sure to thank Stryker one day by ripping out his heart. "They might have made my life harder but they taught me that I couldn't rely on someone else to protect me. They taught me to think and fight for myself. They taught me not to wait for a knight in shining armor. I guess that's the way that I've always been. I don't need someone to fight for me. I can fight for myself," I said.

We sat in silence for a moment. I knew that Bucky wanted a girl that he could treat well and protect. But that wasn't me. It never would be. "I think that if you were allowed out on the battlefield the war would be over tomorrow," he said.

The two of us laughed softly. "That's probably true," I added.

"Vika?" Bucky called to me. I hummed at him and tucked myself into his side. "I never asked you but I've always been curious." I nodded at him to continue. "What did happen to your parents? You never mentioned them. But I know that you had them," he said.

It was the truth. Bucky and Steve had taken me in with little to no word about what had happened to my parents. But we had been kids. They didn't need to know. They just saw a little girl that needed help and took her in. Their parents had asked me what had happened and I'd told them that it was a house fire that had gotten out of control. I'd run and panicked. They had been nice enough to know that I was terrified and didn't want to be in an orphanage. So, once I'd proved myself trustworthy, they had taken me in as their child.

We had known each other for sixteen years. I shouldn't have been shocked that he finally wanted to know what had happened to them. "I didn't have them for very long. They died in a house fire when I was eight. I was just lucky enough to escape. That's when I ran right into you," I said as simply as possible.

My parents weren't a topic that I was particularly fond of thinking about. Even Howard and Chester knew not to push me about them. Bucky suddenly seemed guilty. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," he told me, wrapping at arm around my back.

I glanced up at him and gave a bitter smile. I wasn't upset for the reason that he thought. "No, you didn't upset me. I've never exactly been heartbroken at the loss of my parents. They weren't really parents." He gave me a sad stare. "I don't remember much about them," I insisted. Liar. You remember everything. And suddenly the memories came rushing back to me like a train had just struck me.

The memory stung but I forced myself to stay. There I was on the table, cold and shaking. My parents had just come to wake me up only moments before. I was still tired. All day long they'd been doing blood-work and sending me to the doctors. They had sent me to bed without food. The tests had run so long that Mom had stopped cooking and refused to make something else for me. Now I was here. I was shaking from the absence of clothes. The basement was always freezing and I never dared go down there without a jacket. But here I was, in nothing more than a nightgown. They hadn't even given me anything to cover myself with.

The lights were streaming into my eyes and I cringed. The florescent lights were killing me. And everyone - the doctors - were walking back and forth, practically ignoring me. My parents were standing at a distance and trying to ignore me. They were doing a good job. I continued to cry softly, wanting to brush my tears away. But I couldn't. My arms and legs were strapped down. So was my torso and head.

Turning my head back as far as I could, I glanced back to see them speaking with a doctor. They weren't even bothering to glance over at me. "Mommy? Daddy? What are they doing to me?" I pleaded.

My thin voice echoed off of the walls. Mom's head snapped over at me with a nasty snarl. I couldn't see any similarity to my yellow eyes in her brown ones. "We told you to never call us that in here," she growled.

"I - I - I'm sorry," I muttered. Tears were staining the lace on my nightgown as I desperately tried to scramble from the doctor that was walking towards me. "Please. Let me out of here. It hurts. It hurts," I cried out as the doctor began pressing a scalpel against my arm.

I gave a soft cry as the skin broke and the green liquid began to seep out. The wound quickly closed itself and the doctor wiped away the excess liquid into a test tube. "Be quiet," Mom hisses at me.

Dad glanced over at me and for a brief moment I thought that there might have been a little hint of pity. But he still looked away from me. "It'll be over soon," he whispered to me.

The doctor placed the test tube with one of his workers before coming back over to me and pressing down against my vein. He was treating me more like I was toy. He finally glanced back over to my parents. They were trying to ignore me and focus on the doctor. "Where did you find this specimen?" he asked them.

My heart skipped. He thought that they had gotten me somewhere? They hadn't. I was their child. Their baby. Even though they hadn't told me that, I knew. I could remember. "Specimen. You speak of it like its special," my mother hissed.

Bile rose in my throat. Wasn't I supposed to be special? Wasn't she supposed to love me? "It is special," the doctor said.

It. It. It. They were calling me an it. Was that really what I was? I thought that they loved me. "It's a monster," Mom snapped at him.

No. No, I'm not. I am not a monster. They couldn't call me that. I did what everyone else did. I did everything that my parents told me that normal kids were supposed to do. I did my work, I played on the playground, I played with puzzles, I listened to the radios, and I danced around while laughing. Those were all normal things? So why were they speaking about me like I was some kind of creature?

"Be that as it may, the child is different. She is a creation. A wonder. How does Chronicle keep her alive?" the doctor asked. Chronicle. That must have been what the green substance was. I'd known for a long time that I didn't have blood. "How is it not invading the immune system and shutting it down? We'd like to take her. For a price, of course," he said.

Take me? Was he going to adopt me? "The world can't know about it. I refuse to have reporters and journalists outside of my door every day for the rest of my life because of this abomination," Mm snapped, motioning down to me.

She hadn't even bothered to look at me. "Of course not. We intend to take the cadaver."

The thumping of my heart stilled for a moment. Nothing was happening. The world felt like it was spinning. It felt like everything was slipping away from me. I might have been eight, but I recognized the word. I knew that I was smarter than the average child. And that was half of the reason that I knew the word. Also because I could hear it in their minds. They wanted me to die. They did intend to take me away with them. But they intended to take me away as a corpse. Somehow they intended to kill me before handing me over to the doctor. They were my parents. They couldn't kill me. They were my parents.

There had to be something here that I was missing. "Mommy?" I called out, my voice wavering with tears.

Mom snapped her head over to me with a nasty glare settled over her face. She looked nothing like her normally calm and smiling self. "Do not call me that!" she howled at me before turning over to the doctor. "Do it. Do it now and be quick about it. I don't want to hear it screaming. We can't risk waking the neighbors," she said.

"Not to worry. I'll make it fast." No. No. This couldn't be happening. The doctor turned over to Dad, who had been mostly silent. "Mr. Davies, is this alright with you?" He gave an absent nod. "Mind you, the two of you will be compensated well for the child. I wish to study the remains. Perhaps medicine will be advancing soon enough. A polio cure, maybe," the doctor mumbled.

Polio or not, I did not intend to let them kill me. There was no way that they could. I had a life to live. They couldn't do this. Not for all of the money in the world. "Do what you will. Just rid us of it," Mom said.

The doctor walked over to me and pressed my head back against the headrest. "Relax. It will be over soon," the doctor said.

"G - Get away from me! Get away from me! Mommy! Daddy! Please! Help me!" I screamed.

"Silence it!" Mom barked.

The doctor's arms were over my head and pressing down against my temple. He clearly wanted me to sit still. But I would not let him. He was not going to kill me. He had no right. They had no right to do this to me. He pulled out a syringe and tried to fight away my arms. I was desperately trying to claw my way out of the restraints. One leg had broken free, but everything else was still tied down. The syringe was just inches away from my arm when the real panic set in. It was lethal, whatever it was. Other guards were standing in the back of the room with knives and guns held out to me. They intended to kill me if the doctor failed. My parents would be of no help.

The needle pierced the edge of my skin and I panicked. This was the end of it. They were not going to do this. My arms ripped free of the restraints as I panicked, desperate to get away. My hands flew up in front of my face, knocking the syringe to the ground, and I felt the blast of the heat wave. Flames shot from the palms of my hands and burned the doctor. He fell to the ground screaming in excruciating pain. My heart leaped in my throat and in a sudden wave on fear, I ripped the restraint off of my leg, stomach, and head. Dizzily, I shot upright and jumped off of the table, trying to remember how to get out of the basement.

But fear had taken over me and I was rooted to my place. It was only for a moment. Men were beginning to shoot at me. The pain from the bullets was overwhelming but I couldn't slow down. Something was happening to me. No matter how painful it was, they weren't slowing me down. But it didn't matter. Flames continued to shoot out my hands, burning everything in my path. They hit the back of my parent's vials and test tubes and they blew up. The explosion rocked the house and the lab went up in flames, pieces of the building already collapsing.

I was crying, desperately trying to get away from the burning house. It would come down in a matter of seconds. My feet were dragging me towards my parents. I had to know why they had done this to me. I deserved to know. Maybe they had been acting. Maybe the government had made them do this. We could leave. We could all live together and be happy again. As long as we were away from here. We had to leave. They were still my parents. They loved me. They had to. But they were sitting on the ground, cowering and backing away from me. Mom was holding a gun up to me as I continued to burn everything.

If we wanted to leave, we had to do it now. "Mommy, Daddy!" I pleaded with them.

I wanted to grab them and force them to come with me, but they merely cowered from me, trying to push back even farther from me. But they couldn't. There was nowhere left to run. "Stay back!" my mother shouted.

Dirt and soot was covering the both of them and I could see tears staining her cheeks. Were they scared of the fire? Of course. But it wasn't just the fire. They were scared of me. Mom held up the gun that was in her hands and I screamed, pulling my arms up to shield myself from the bullet. Before she could pull the trigger, the flames shot from my hands and burned the two of them. Flames were burning across their faces as they desperately tried to roll on the ground and put the flames out. I screamed in fear and tried to run after them. Flames were burning the bottom of my nightgown and myself, but they didn't hurt me.

"Mommy! Daddy!" I screamed, wanting to help them.

They could heal from the scars. "Demon!" Dad shouted at me.

He raised the gun that my mother could no longer hold and shot at me. I cried out and ducked out of the way. The bullet missed me as I crashed to the ground. I groaned and pushed myself back up, trying to go after them. I loved them, no matter what they had done. I could still get them out of here. But it didn't matter. A beam from the roof fell and cut me off from my parents. Their screams suddenly stopped and my breath escaped me. It felt like I had been punched with a steel column. They were dead. I'd killed them. They were right. I was a monster.

But I had not gone through all of this just to let myself die. My feet moved on their own accord and shoved myself off of the floor. I ran through the basement and sprinted up the stairs. They were collapsing around me and I nearly fell through the floor as the stairs and wood floors began to give way. All of those people were dying. But had they deserved it? Yes. They were going to do the same thing to me. As I sprinted out of the door to the house, the door flying off of the hinges, I dashed through the yard. There was another explosion and I watched as the windows shattered. My home, gone up in flames, all because of something that I had done.

They'd always told me that I was different. But was I really that different? I hadn't thought so. But as I looked at the house, I saw how different I was. I'd just killed my parents, the doctor, and everyone else inside. All because I'd lit the house on fire. How? My heart skipped as I began to hear the sirens of emergency vehicles responding to the fire. Run. Run! I knew that I had to make a life for myself somewhere else. My parents were right. I was a monster. I was a criminal.

Whoever would come to the house had to think that I was dead. But where would I go. So I sprinted straight towards the center of Brooklyn. It took me nearly an hour of running before I found something acceptable. I could see a pair of dilapidated apartments that were rising in the distance. They would be good enough. I could climb up to one of the top floors, find something to eat, sleep for the night, and move on in the morning. I could stay there, just for one night.

The horrible memory of my childhood was startled by Bucky gently nudging me. It was a terrible memory, but there was an upside. It was the reason that I had met him. "Vika?" Bucky muttered softly.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

Clearly he felt bad for mentioning my parents. It had been a long time since I had thought about that night. "I'm sorry for mentioning it. That must not be a fun memory to relive," he said.

"No. It isn't."

"I'm sorry."

It wasn't his fault. He had to know that. "It's not for the reasons that you think," I said.

We both sat in silence for a while after that. It wasn't even a little while. It was a long time. But I enjoyed the silence. Our hands twined together as I rested my head against his shoulder, tucking my knees into my chest. His spare hand went up to gently tug at my hair. The only problem was that I could feel the guilt pouring off of him in waves. I rolled my eyes. He thought that I missed my parents. I didn't. It had taken me a long time, but I'd finally realized that I didn't love them. I never had. I hated them. They were not my parents. They were the real monsters. They had never loved me. It was their only job, and they had failed me.

Finally Bucky spoke again. He had been trying to think of something to say that didn't involve my parents. His thoughts were loud and almost impossible not to hear them. "What are those that you're working on?" he asked.

I glanced down and noticed that he staring at the files that were sitting on the ground. "Files," I answered plainly.

"What kind of files?" he goaded.

It was like a little game. "Recruit files," I answered.

His face fell and he glared at me. The two of us stared at each other and I giggled softly. "Not gonna give me anything more than that?" he asked me. I shook my head with a small smile. "They're your suggestions on where to deploy each of us, aren't they?" My face fell. "I overheard the Drill Sergeants talking about them earlier."

There was no point on lying. "Yes. They are. I've done almost everyone's files. After watching all of you for this long, I know where I want them all to go. I'm only a minor voice in the matter, but my opinion does count. I'll make my final judgements during the foot march back to Camp Lehigh," I said, trying not to say anything about Bucky's file.

I should have known that he would ask about his. "Have you done mine yet?"

"No."

Bucky stared at me for a moment before tapping the bottom of my chin and forcing me to look up into his eyes. "Don't mark me somewhere that you think I'll be safe." My eyes clearly showed that it was exactly what I was thinking of doing. "I know that's what you're thinking about doing. Please, Vika, mark me where you think that I belong. On the front lines," he said, his voice dropping off at the end.

Was he scared? There was an emotion coming off of him, but it wasn't fear. I didn't like that I couldn't pick it out, no matter how hard I tried. "I'm sorry," I muttered.

"Don't be sorry. I signed up for this, Vika," he told me softly.

I waved him off, trying to brush off the weight that had fallen on my chest. He had wanted this since we were kids. So why was it that it seemed like it was the wrong this to do now? "I know. I know. I'll make my decision soon. But not yet," I told him.

Bucky went to reach for the files, probably to see what I had written on his, but I yanked it away from him. He wasn't supposed to see them anyways. "No matter where I end up, I won't blame you," he whispered.

Leaning back, I placed the files onto the grass once more. "I know that. Come here. Please," I said softly.

He didn't need anything more than that. He leaned towards me and pulled the back of my head gently to him. His short nails brushed over the back of my skull and a shiver shot down the length of my spine. I'd miss this. But it wouldn't be the last one. I just had to remember that. It was a sweet and long kiss. It was nothing like the one that we had shared last week. This one was soft. It seemed like we were almost scared. Scared that if the kiss became too hard, we'd shatter the moment and reality would come crashing into us again.

We were both scared for what would happen to the other. I was scared for Bucky leaving, and he was scared for me in general. Probably because he thought that I would manage to get myself into trouble. He was right about that. I loved to get myself into trouble. The one thing that he was wrong about was that I would need someone to get me out of trouble. That wasn't the truth. I could handle myself. I always had. Finally he pulled away from me, giving me one last short peck on the lips.

Staring up at him, I brushed off a fleck of dirt from his hairline. He smiled and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Will you come see me off at the train station before I leave?" he asked me.

I was somewhat surprised. I would have thought that Steve would be the one seeing him off. "Steve isn't going to be there?"

Bucky looked a little pained. Steve wasn't going to be there. The boys were brothers. They didn't want to have to see each other right then. Not with so much emotion in the air. I understood. "We're gonna say goodbye the night before." I nodded at him. "I gotta be there pretty early anyways. Most girls come to say goodbye," he said, giving me a pointed smile.

Turning to him, I gave him a wicked smile. "Am I most girls?" I asked.

Bucky grinned back at me. "Not at all." His thoughts were too loud to ignore. And that's a damn good thing."But I'd like for you to be there," he told me.

He was stupid if he thought that I wasn't going to be there to see him off. I wanted to see him for as long as possible. "I will," I promised. He gave me a bright smile. "You should get to bed. I've got work to do, and you need to get your rest," I told him.

It was obvious that he didn't want to go to bed, but he nodded at me anyways. "Goodnight, Vika."

I leaned into him and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. "Goodnight, Bucky," I whispered.

He leaned over the edge of the log and I stared at him sidelong for a moment. What the hell was he doing? I grabbed the files off of the ground and placed them back in my lap. He grabbed something in his hands before whipping it towards me and clicking a button on it. I jumped backwards as the flash nearly blinded me. It took me a moment to realize what he had done. That was when I figured it out. It was a 35mm Leica camera that he was holding. He'd taken my picture. Chester had one himself. That was the only reason that I knew what it was.

"What the hell did you just do?" I asked him.

He gave me a prideful grin. "Men bring pictures of their girls with them when they get deployed." I nodded at him. I knew that. They wanted to remember that they had something to fight for. A soft blush filled my face when I realized that I was his something to fight for. "I wanted a real picture of you. The only ones that I have were of us as kids."

He went to leave before I grabbed him. "Take another one, at least! That one's going to look terrible," I complained.

"It's you. It could never look terrible." Once more I blushed. "I don't want a picture that's posed. I want to remember you just the way that you always are. Working, and looking damn good while you do it." We both laughed as I fought back the pink tinge to my eyes. "Mom gave me this before she died."

Bucky held out a pretty locket that had been tucked into his shirt. I raised a brow. I had never seen it before. I hadn't even known that she had owned a locket like that. It was reasonably large for a locket. It was square-shaped and golden. It must have been polished recently, the outside was glowing softly in the firelight. There were flowers engraved on the front and a lock on the side. I clicked it open gently, wondering what picture he had on the inside. There were two slots for pictures, but both were empty.

"I've been waiting for something to put into those. I think I found it," he said.

"You only took one," I pointed out.

"Smile," he told me. I rolled my eyes but gave a small smile. The camera flashed and Bucky grinned, hooking it onto his belt. "I'm going to get them developed after graduation. I'll show them to you before I get back," he promised.

Nodding at him happily, I pulled him in for one last kiss. "Go to bed before I decide to keep you here," I said.

He seemed like he might have liked that, but he didn't say anything. He saluted me before tucking the locket back into his shirt and heading back towards the camp. I sat out by the fire for another hour before finally deciding to go to bed. Two other Drill Sergeants had since come out to tell me that I could sleep. I had thought that I might have been able to accomplish something, but I couldn't. My pen had hovered over where I thought that Bucky should be deployed all night. I couldn't bring myself to do it before I'd gone to bed. Every day it was getting harder and harder. So I went to bed and pushed off the problem for another day.

Not that sleep had really been prevalent that night. I had only managed to sleep for about two hours. And most of that had been restless. I'd dreamed about everything that I hated. Bucky never coming back from war, my time with Stryker, and my brief life with my parents. So when the morning came I spent it in my tent. I knew that I didn't look good and I didn't want people to see that. Particularly not Bucky. Chester had given me a long stare, but hadn't asked me about it.

In the early afternoon - once I was sure that I didn't look like a walking corpse - I'd done a brief walk through the camp and observed the recruits. General behavior and attitude went into the files too. They were all trying to be upbeat and positive, telling me that they were alright and ready to get on the Night Infiltration Course. I could tell that they were exhausted. But I appreciated that they were at least trying. I made notes of everyone that was trying to find work around the campsite. It worked. They were impressing the Drill Sergeants, Chester, and myself. And that wasn't something easy to do. So I smiled and moved on.

Purposely I tried to avoid Bucky. But the few times that I walked past him, he gave me a little wink. I rolled my eyes and placed myself in the middle of the camp, working at the files. I was tired but there was work to be done. I continued to mark their files. Tonight would be the Night Infiltration Course and I wouldn't be there for it - something about being out all night would be too tiring on a woman. Whatever. I would get the reports from the Drill Sergeants and work off of those.

The Night Infiltration Course was when the recruits moved out about a mile from the campsite to keep everyone safe that remained. And to let them sleep. There would be live-fire and we all knew how loud that got. The recruits had to go through a low crawl, and they had to move through concertina wire - the circular wire on top of prison fences. Once they got to the low crawl, they would have to go through about a one hundred and fifty meter craw under live ammunition flying over their head.

It was to prove that they would be able to infiltrate some type of Nazi headquarters without a problem. They would be split into two platoons, taking turns making one course of action and then the other. One of the platoon's job was to go around one side and secure the area from potential hostile threats. The other team had to advance through the obstacle without getting caught. They would have to perform each of these movements flawlessly to be able to complete the Night Infiltration Course. Usually everyone managed, but some people were much better than others. And this was where we saw the recruits that would make good potential leaders.

Once they were done, there was a lot of celebration. Other than the last foot march - which wasn't that hard considering they'd already done it once - they were done. The celebration was called the Rights of Passage. It was the one time that the Drill Sergeants would actually show their friendship with the recruits. They take them to an area not far from camp, light a good-sized bonfire, and realize that they are ready for the next stage. That was when they finally realized what all of those late nights and long days of training were far. That was the point when the men were allowed to be called Soldiers.

The sun had gone down about an hour ago and I knew that they were all out doing the Night Infiltration Course. They had probably just finished reading the rules and had gotten it underway. I was sitting in my corner of the tent that Chester and I were sharing. I was perched on my bed scribbling on a sheet of paper. There wasn't much that I could do without the notes from the Drill Sergeants. I'd already marked up the recruit files as much as I could. I was just trying to busy myself until I wanted to go to bed. I sighed as I wrote another line, realizing that by this time tomorrow, the men back at Camp Lehigh would be deciding where to deploy Bucky.

The flap on the tent opened and I glanced up to see Chester. I had thought that he was going with them. "Not going on night training with the recruits?" I asked, looking back down to the paper.

"Hell no, I'm too old for that," he said. I gave a small smile, flicking my pen back and forth in my hands. Chester took a seat next to me on my cot and glanced at what I was writing. "What's that?" he asked.

I groaned under my breath. I should have known that he was going to ask me about what I was writing. It was the same thing that I always did when I had nothing better to do. That wasn't too often, but I had lots of these little lists. I kept them all together, tucked under my bed back at Camp Lehigh. It wasn't anything that anyone else needed to see. But, of course, if anyone was going to see it, it would have been Chester. He was still waiting for an answer to his question as I stared at the list.

Jefferson Lester
James Mead
Allan Ralston
Markham Fenton
Everett Devlin
Joshua Leonard
John White
Henry Rice
Edward McMillan
Frank Wright
Joseph Doyle
Albert Len
Paul Monroe
Roy Young
Charlie Warren
Francis Allister
Lee Herman
William Stryker

"A list," I finally answered. The list wasn't complete. It was just the ones that I could think of at the moment.

Chester gave me a bored stare. "Is it really?" he asked sarcastically. I didn't bother saying anything else. It wasn't really a conversation that I wanted to get into. "A list of what?" Chester goaded.

"Names."

"Victoria," Chester snapped.

I pretended to glance over the list. "No, I don't see that name on there."

"Victoria. Who are the names on there?"

Might as well tell him. He's going to continue bothering you until you tell him anyways. So I took a deep breath and spoke. "It's a list of all of the people that I intend to kill before nature does," I said darkly.

If I had thought that Chester was going to try and talk me out of it, I was wrong. He was merely nodding at me. "I see. Would you like to tell me who they are?" he asked after a beat.

No. But I did anyways. Maybe it was because I'd never told anyone who these men were before. Or maybe it was because I finally wanted to tell someone the extent of everything that had happened to me. I wasn't really sure why I started talking, but once I did I found it nearly impossible to stop. I could see that Chester didn't really enjoy hearing me tell him what all of these men did to me, but he listened anyways. He listened for the near hour that I told him the stories and never once interrupted me.

I told him all about how Jefferson used to train me by torturing me, attempting to drown me and shooting me in the forehead or knee when I didn't work to his standard. I even mentioned the purple-skinned mutant that he had killed because I hadn't. I told him all about how James would attempt to distract me while I was flying only to watch me fall to the ground and shatter my bones. I told him about how Allan mostly used his words to hurt me, telling me how worthless and pathetic I was. I told him how Markham never really spoke to me, but he did enjoy using the nanite bombs to encourage me to work better. I told him how Everett would try and break my spine, forcing me to regrow it. I told him about them all, never leaving out the painful details.

The only ones that I didn't mention were William Stryker - who Chester already knew - and Joshua - who I wasn't really sure what to say about. "What about him?" Chester asked, pointing to Joshua's name.

I gave a small shrug. "He actually never really did anything to me. He would come in and teach me how to use my telepathy to the best of my ability. Every day we had this game. He'd pick one of the guards in the room and ask me to tell him about them. A right answer would earn me nothing. A nod, maybe. A wrong answer would earn me a bullet to the eye." I noticed the little twinge that Chester gave when I told him that. He never liked hearing about my years with Stryker.

"One day - the last full day that I spent there - he asked me to tell him about himself. He'd never done that before. So I did. I found out that he had a daughter and a grandson that he loved very much. It just - It made me so angry. How could a man that had a daughter watch a young girl - just like his daughter had once been - be treated the way that I was? He never did anything to me, but that made him no less guilty.

"So I told him that my promise to him was that I would crucify his daughter above his bed and bathe his house in her blood. I told him that I'd rip his grandson's intestines out and leave him to die on the ground. He would come back and see him and know that there was nothing that he could do for him. I told him that I would be there and he would not have my permission to die." My hands began buzzing with the excitement of the mere thought of killing him. I let the flames lick at my fingertips, simply to try and calm some of my frayed nerves. "Because I had to live in my own misery for so long. I wanted him just to feel a fraction of what I felt. I told him that I would do all of those things, and one of these days I intend to do just that.

"You see, you all think that I'm the exact same that you are. You think that I'm nothing to be feared. That I'm a person just like you are. Do you see these?" I asked, angrily ripping out the bag of pills in the front pocket of my pack. It wasn't Chester's fault, but I was furious. "They're pills that Howard gave me to keep me from ripping apart every single person here. They keep me in an almost sedated state. You might think that I'm just a normal woman with a few differences, but I'm not. I am not like you," I snarled.

The flames were floating off of my hands and I put them out, not wanting to light the tent on fire. "You know, people tell you all of the time what you are. It's in their nature. But it's up to you to show them what you really are. So you take a pill to calm you down. Lots of people do that. So you're a little different. Different is a good thing. But Victoria, you are not a monster," Chester said. I snorted. He had no idea. I was. "What you did all of those years, the things that you said; there was nothing that could be done. You did what you were taught to do. But that is not the woman that's sitting in front of me.

"The woman that's sitting in front of me wants to be the first woman to earn a degree in Genetics from Harvard. The woman in front of me has a good sense of humor, a strong moral compass, and a damn strong mind. You have done some bad things, but that doesn't make you a bad person. You're not an emotionless creature. The recruits love you. Peggy loves you. Howard loves you. Abraham loves you. Your boy loves you. And I want you to love him too," he said.

My head had been facing my lap, but it snapped up at his words. He had always hated Bucky, he'd never said anything otherwise. "I thought that you hated him," I muttered.

Chester gave a soft sigh and grabbed my hand. "I do. But you love him, and that's the only thing that matters. Victoria, you're my daughter." I smiled weakly at him. "So, from a loving father to his girl; tear up that list."

He was right. I should. I had a good life. I had a father, two best friends, a great job, a purpose in my life, and a man that meant the world to me. But some part of me couldn't destroy the list. It had always been my purpose to go on during those seven years. The knowledge that one day I would come back to kill them. But I knew what Chester meant, I had to give it up. I had a reason to give it up. Because I was working on moving on. Chester, Abraham, Peggy, Howard, Steve, and Bucky. They were worth it.

But some part of me hesitated. "I - I can't," I stammered.

"Will killing them make you feel better?" Chester asked.

Probably. "Maybe."

I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to convince me that it wasn't worth it. "Will it change what happened to you?" No. "I know that you hate them. You would have every right to end their lives," he said.

And suddenly the anger over everything that had happened to me returned full-force. "I intend to rip William Stryker's heart out," I snapped.

"A man like that doesn't have a heart," Chester told me. I rolled my eyes. One day, I would ensure to find out whether or not he really did. "But you're better than them. They'll be judged when their time comes. In the meantime, live the life that you were always meant to have," he told me.

I did not have a right to be a normal person. My parents had taught me that. "My birthright was to be a science experiment," I snarled.

Chester's eyes were pained. "Maybe. But times change. You're going to be the first woman to earn that Harvard degree. You're going to be the brightest mind of Stark Industries. And you're going to be a big reason that we win the war. You've got a lot of things going for you, kid," he told me, patting me on the back.

Smiling softly at him, I leaned in and gave Chester a hug. He wasn't much for physical affection, but from time to time he would actually give me a hug or something of the like. And those were the times that I needed it the most. "Thank you, old man." I held up the list and gently let the flames lick across the top. I dropped it to the ground and stamped it out, letting out a soft sigh. We sat in silence for a minute before I glanced up at him with a shy smile. "So you know about Bucky?" I asked.

He glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. "I'm old, I'm not blind," he told me. We both laughed as he moved over to his bed and I laid down in mine. "You love him?" Chester asked me.

The question caught me off guard. Did I love him? I wasn't sure. I didn't know what it was like to be in love. "I - I don't know. No?" I asked, more than said. Yes you do.

It seemed that Chester shared my sentiment. "Yes you do," he said.

"You're delirious," I snapped, flicking my hand and whipping out the light. Chester laughed as I shoved myself under the blankets and turned away from him. "Go to bed, old man."

"I'll see you in the morning, Victoria."

Despite the fact that I had snapped at him, insisting that I didn't love Bucky, I liked the thought that I might have been in love with him. It was a nice feeling. It was something that I had never thought that I would feel. As I faced the thin material of the tent, I saw the bonfire go up in the distance. They were still about a mile from camp and I smiled. They were celebrating the Rights of Passage. They must have all managed to finish the Night Infiltration Course. Bucky had finally become a real soldier.

The next morning I woke up and helped break the camp down. The men were helping and grabbing the tents from the Drill Sergeants and myself. I noticed that more than one of the recruits tried to help me pack my things. Bucky was one of them. I turned him down and gave him a gentle shove. He seemed happy. Once the camp was packed up I grabbed the papers from the Drill Sergeants that had been present last night and hopped into the truck, flipping through them. This was my last chance to give my suggestion on deployments.

It was around eight in the morning when the recruits began to repeat the process of the foot march that they had done on the first day. But this time we were heading back to Camp Lehigh. The march today was fifteen kilometers. Just over nine miles. They moved out a little farther before backtracking to the camp. We would get back around an hour before sundown. It was enough time to get them one last dinner as a recruit. After that, it would all be preparations for the graduation ceremony.

I spent most of the day going over the recruit files. I had saved Bucky's for last. As I thought, most of the recruits were being recommended for the front lines. We really didn't have that many recruits that weren't suited for it. Most were being deployed to France and Italy. I saw a few that were deployed to Russia and London. I followed up on their recommendations, only disagreeing with a few of the choices. I also ensured to read the detailed reports on the Night Infiltration Course.

Finally, I managed to find myself at Bucky's file. We were nearing the end of the foot march and I knew that I was getting close to the moment that I would have to choose where I wanted him to go. Immediately I knew that he should be on the front lines. His report for the Night Infiltration Course told me that much. He had a glowing report. It would have been wrong for me to put him anywhere else. I glanced through his other recommendation reports as well and sighed when I saw them. Everyone had recommended him for the front lines.

But it did seem that everyone was torn on where they wanted him to go. The choices were pretty scattered. There were so many places that a soldier on the front lines. Most of his suggestions were somewhere in Europe. Although there were a few that weren't. I saw France, Italy, Russia, Ireland, London, North Africa, and the United Kingdom. Many of those choices meant that there would be a good chance that he could end up somewhere in Germany. Troops were never deployed directly to Germany, it was too heavily dominated by Nazi forces. The troops were usually sent over on missions to Nazi bases from somewhere in Europe.

My hand flitted over the page over and over again, where I had the choice of somewhere to place him. I was thinking about it for well over twenty minutes. Chester was watching me but saying nothing. As we made another stop I glanced out of the truck. Bucky was on the ground giving orders to the others in his platoon. He was treating a man that was feigning an injury. He glanced up at me quickly and sent a playful wink. I sent him a small smile back, trying to ignore the jolt in my chest. My eyes darted back to the paper and I sighed.

My hand went back and forth over the page for at least another hour. Chester glanced over at me more than once. He seemed to want to tell me to get a move on and pick one, but he knew what Bucky meant to me. He wouldn't say anything. So I sat and read over the sheet until I'd had the entire thing memorized. Finally, with shaking hands, I chose England. I stared at the red mark that seemed to be accusing me. But of what? For making Bucky the soldier that he'd always wanted to be, or dooming him to a fate crueler than mine?

A/N: Okay so originally I was going to update my other stories first, but I got too excited to write this so that I could get to Steve's return and Bucky's deployment. That's next chapter, folks! I might write that one too because I'm so excited. Just so you guys know, the next chapter is going to be Bucky's graduation, Victoria speaking with Howard at the Modern Marvels of Tomorrow Exhibition (the one at the beginning of The First Avenger), meeting Steve again, and a few other things. Can't spoil everything! It will end the night before Bucky's deployment. Thanks for all of the follows and favorites! Please review, even if just to tell me to update! So, until next time -A

rebelforcauses: Well guess what, he's about to come back in!

kuppcake: Thank you! I know that I get pretty in-depth with this story and it's mostly to show how much like a computer Victoria can be. I'm glad that you find it interesting. Sex happened sometimes but no one spoke about it. And relationships were mostly innocent. So, what happened between them in the last chapter would have been completely taboo, even though it didn't go that far. Of course, that's exactly why I did it!

ks90: Thank you! It's going to be a long story, so you've got plenty of time to watch it unfold. I'm glad that you've liked it so far! I'm so excited to write the reunion with Steve, it's coming up! I hope this was soon enough :)