T Plus 7 Days
"Excuse me, Master Hand?"
MH turned and smiled at Zelda. "Hey, Zel. What's on your mind?"
"Is there a place where we can talk in private?" asked Zelda. "I have something to tell you."
"Sure," said MH.
The glove teleported himself and Zelda to a restaurant, where they sat in a private booth.
"What is it, Zel?"
Zelda took a breath. "The day Dorf and Wario returned, Link and I overheard them talking with Koopa about something. It had to do with Luigi's down throw nerf."
"What did they say?"
"Something about Koopa and a few other Smashers teaming up with three brothers and Mr. Sakurai to—manipulate you."
"Mr. Sakurai was in on this?" asked MH.
"I recorded their conversation," said Zelda. "Then, I copied the recordings. I'm going to give you one of the copies, and Luigi also has a copy. The rest are stashed away someplace safe."
Zelda pressed the copy of the recording into MH's palm.
"Luigi was present?" he asked.
"Link texted him and invited him to join us so he could listen in."
MH pursed his lips. "I can see why he's reluctant to tell me."
"He's just waiting. He doesn't want Mario to do something stupid," said Zelda.
"Once Mario cools off, I plan to have lunch with him, where we can finally talk things over," said MH.
Zelda nodded. "Shall I play the recording now?" she asked.
"Please," said MH.
She pressed "play", and the two of them sat in silence as they listened to the recorded three-way conversation between Koopa, Dorf and Wario.
MH remained quiet long after the tape had finished playing.
"Are you okay, Master Hand?" asked Zelda.
"Yeah. I just can't believe this," gasped MH. "The name 'Bennigan', though—it sounds familiar…"
"A revenge plot by Stuart's brothers?" offered Zelda.
"The tape gives little context, so there's no way of knowing. However, they named Falco, Marth, Roy, Mewtwo, Dark Pit and Kyle. I'm going to have to interview them in my office, along with Koopa, Wario and Ganondorf."
"Could you leave my name out of this?" asked Zelda.
"Absolutely. Your report shall be treated as confidential and anonymous," promised MH. "If the need arises, though, are you willing to testify to this?"
"Yes."
"Don't worry. I'll keep you, Link and Luigi safe. Does Mario know?"
"I'd guess that Luigi shared his copy of the recording with him. Whether or not he's looked at it yet…"
"Thank you, Zelda, for coming forward," said MH. "You may relax for now, but I'd like you to be ready to obey my summons at a minute's notice."
"I'll pass that on to Luigi and Link," said Zelda. "Just—don't talk to Luigi until after you've smoothed things over with Mario."
"Of course."
Zelda rose, patted MH on his knuckles and left.
1.1.1
After priming themselves with a meatball hero and a glass of wine each, the Super Mario Bros sat in Luigi's room, his copy of Zelda's tape between them. Mario looked to his younger brother for strength, and Luigi nodded. Nodding back, Mario pressed "play".
For the duration of the tape, there were no sounds except for their arch-rival's voice as he talked to Dorf and Wario about a plan to subvert the tournament for the sole purpose of getting under Luigi's skin. Falco's name was spoken among the list of conspirators, as was Roy's, Kyle's, Dark Pit's, Mewtwo's and Marth's. Mr. Sakurai was also mentioned, meaning that he was definitely involved in the plot, or at least knew about it. And it was Falco, who used to be Luigi's friend, who personally reached out to the tournament's financier!
Luigi held Mario's hand as the tape continued, Dorf discussing the phone calls and secret contributions he made, and Wario talking about his club. The fact that they conceded that the two Steves' attack was wrong did little to negate the impact of what they just heard. Then, they heard a name—Project Nerf. So, that's what it was called.
The three voices talked a little about Chad, but expressed surprisingly positive sentiment about him leaving the venture. While Chad felt remorse for his actions—Koopa didn't seem to feel any. At least, not yet.
After the tape finished, the brothers sat there, recovering from this new piece of information. Then, they looked over the photos. They consisted of the three villains sitting together at a table, laughing about something. Out of curiosity, Mario booted up his laptop and did a Google search on "Let's Nerf Luigi", which took him to the club's website.
Everything was so neatly laid out for the two of them. The "About Us" and "Mission Statement" sections were particularly helpful. Luigi wrote down the contact info and perused the list of pivotal club members.
"We have to get one of them to turn on Wario," said Luigi, "but how?"
Next, the two Googled "Project Nerf", and one of the search results took them to a Miiverse forum. On this forum, Miiverse users minced no words on how they'd had it with Luigi's combos and wanted them eliminated. How in the world were they able to get away with such abuse? There was so much language that any sane person would've flagged those posts on the spot. Someone had also uploaded photos of the conspirators in several locales the Mario Bros recognized and some places they'd never seen before. The people's faces were blurred—not that it would help. Using this information, they'd eventually figure out the identities of everyone in those photos.
"[Bleep] this, I'm on f—ing Miiverse with my f—ing hands up," one Miiverse user seethed, bruised up from what was obviously a bout against Luigi. "I'm not starting my f—ing self! You f—ing stupid [bleep]! This stupid f—ing justice, all f—ing righteous f—ing [BLEEP], Luigi, is doing this [bleep]! You f—ing [BLEEP]! I swear to f—ing God, I'm gonna…You know what? Everyone type in the chat 'Luigi's a stupid [bleep]'. Just type in the chat 'Luigi's a stupid [bleep]'. [Bleep] him. [Bleep] him."
Mario slammed a fist on the desk, cursing in Italian.
"Hey—hey," said Luigi, rubbing Mario's back. "It's okay. I'm okay."
Nodding, Mario took a few deep breaths before pouring himself another glass of wine, plus one for his baby bro.
Luigi took a small gulp of wine and then followed another link—it appeared someone tried to shut this website down but didn't do a good enough job. There, the Mario Brothers struck gold.
"This is insane," gasped Mario. "It's like this entire website is about dumping on you!"
Silently, Luigi clicked on the "Project Nerf" link, where the plot was revealed in most of its sinister glory. Each page he opened revealed paragraph after paragraph of hate and salt against his playstyle. At least whoever tried to close down the site managed to take down the videos and audio of the meetings, as well as the list of conspirators. But they had the tape, and they also had Chad. The question remained, however—could they trust him?
After exploring the Project Nerf pages, Luigi next clicked on "Operation Ballot Box". All it said was that "a certain candidate for the Smash Ballot doesn't deserve to win", but he instantly knew what they were talking about.
"We have to stop them before it's too late," he gasped. They could mess with his down throw however they wanted to—but Daisy was off limits!
1.1.1
"It isn't very often that someone treats me to hot dogs," said Charlie.
"Really?" asked Chad. "How can anyone resist a good wiener? Especially one as long and thick and juicy as the ones we're having now?"
Charlie laughed.
"Maybe they're compensating for something," shrugged Chad.
"Yeah—I guess they are," said Charlie.
Chad and Charlie sat in the park, enjoying their long, thick and juicy wieners dressed in buttery buns and yellow mustard, with a side of crinkle-cut fries and a Sprite. It was a park far from the reach of Crazy Hand and potential spies, something Chad was very relieved to find. After tossing and turning last night, he decided that his new friend needed to know everything, since she was an avid Luigi—and Castlevania—fan. After learning of Mario's recent actions, Chad knew that he was close to finding out, and once he did…
"Speaking of big wieners," said Chad, coming back to the present, "there've been tons of them in Smash, making Luigi's life unbearable, trying to get him to quit. But he's a Mario Bro. And a Mario Bro never quits."
"You got that right," said Charlie. Then, she gave Chad a piercing stare. "What are you trying to tell me?"
"I hate to ruin the mood, but—I brought you out here for a reason," said Chad. "I need to—elaborate on something, and it's best done in private."
"Elaborate? What about?"
"It's about Luigi," explained Chad, "and the way I used to treat him."
Charlie blinked. "That morning at breakfast, you told me you used to hate him."
"There's more to it than that," Chad said, a timbre coming to his voice. "It's about the down throw combos he used to have. People hated those combos. Including me."
"Go on," encouraged Charlie.
"After a while, the haters got together and formulated a little plot to 'knock Luigi off his little pedestal', and I wound up drawn into their circle," Chad explained. "First, they attacked him on Miiverse. Then, they colluded with three brothers to get him nerfed."
"So—a bunch of Smashers got him nerfed?" asked Charlie.
Chad nodded. "Luigi beat me in a match, and I stormed to MH's office and said a lot of terrible things, things I wish I can take back. That night, I went to one of the conspirators' meetings. The very next day, Luigi and I were paired in a Team Battle, and I already talked about my conduct then. Seeing the look on his face snapped me out of it, and I managed to escape before they could pull me under. Everyone took it pretty well—save for one."
"Let me guess—is it Koopa?"
Chad shook his head. "He didn't take part in the meetings, but he contributed financially and set up the meeting places. Due to his high position in Smash—he couldn't risk showing his face."
"Who, Chad?"
Chad checked to see if the coast was clear before responding. "Crazy Hand."
Charlie nearly dropped her hot dog.
"It's true. Something must've happened between him and Luigi, because he aided these conspirators from the side. He hates me for 'defecting' to Luigi's side, and he wants me to participate in another underhanded scheme, using evidence of my involvement as leverage."
"What scheme?"
"Operation Ballot Box. There's a certain—candidate—they want to bar from winning the Smash Ballot."
"Daisy," realized Charlie.
"I'm confessing to you in order to free myself from Crazy Hand," explained Chad, "and plus, you would've found out anyway, and then you would've hated me for the rest of my life."
"What about Luigi? Have you told him yet?"
"Uh—sort of."
"What do you mean, sort of? Who did Crazy Hand threaten to leak this information to?"
"Mario."
"Okay, well—if you truly want to escape Crazy Hand's power, then maybe you should tell Mario," said Charlie.
"I—kinda told them both," said Chad. "I asked them to meet me in a secure location in less than two weeks, so CH won't find out that I spilled."
"Okay—okay, I can see that," said Charlie. "How about I come with you?"
"And put yourself in danger just by knowing what I told you?"
"And support you. I know you won't like doing it, and it scares everything holy out of you. Maybe if I'm there, it won't be so hard. And if it's hard for you to look them in the eye while talking about it, then look at me."
"Charlie—I don't deserve this. I hurt Luigi, and I hurt you for not telling the truth."
Charlie laid a hand over hers. "It would've been nice to know sooner," she conceded, "but if you think about it—those guys basically brainwashed you. And you managed to break free."
"But I didn't stop the plan," sighed Chad. "I guess I was too scared."
"Here's your chance to make things right," said Charlie. "Instead of saying that you're sorry—prove to them—to me—that you're sorry."
"There's—one other thing," said Chad. "Don't trust Steve. Or Stevie. They're vicious, callous people who don't belong in this tournament. One morning, I was looking at my matches when they tried to attack me."
"They were involved in this?"
"Yes? And—I used to think they were my friends. Pretty bad friends, if you ask me. They're working very closely with Crazy Hand now. So whatever comes out of their mouths—probably isn't true."
"Lauren told me a little about them."
"They mustn't know about this, either. So, if they approach you, act natural, but don't fall for their lies."
Charlie grinned. "I think I can do that."
"Work on Operation Ballot Box won't start until November," said Chad, "so we'll have plenty of time to stop it."
"Hm. Good to know," said Charlie. "You're right about one thing."
"And what's that?"
"There are a lot of big wieners in Smash. And Steve and Stevie are the biggest wieners of all."
They laughed.
"Oh, Charlie—how can you look at me the same way again?"
"Well…" Charlie said in a very serious tone. "Don't be a wiener."
The tension broken, Chad burst into heartier peals of laughter. "All right," he managed to say. "I won't."
1.1.1
It was just after 10p.m. Koopa lumbered into his castle, where all his generals and minions lined up to greet him. Suddenly, Kamek, Koopa's trusted advisor, flew over to him, an urgent look on his face, holding a slip of paper in his hand.
"Your Vileness—this just came in," said Kamek, handing the slip of paper to his boss.
Koopa opened the slip and read out the laconic message: We're onto you.
Slowly, Koopa looked up. "Thank you, Kamek. I'll take care of it."
After dismissing his minions for the night, Koopa proceeded to his phone and dialed up the Bennigan Brothers.
"Those pesky plumbers are on your tail," he warned. "Stay alert."
And then he hung up.
Back in the Smash Mansion, the Mario Bros lay awake in their respective rooms, silently vowing to get to the bottom of this scheme if it was the last thing they did.