And I made myself so strong again…
There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed, if I just listened to it right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust, and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
But when you touch me like this, And you hold me like that
I just have to admit, that it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this, and I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but, it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)
There were moments of gold, and there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again, but then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby
If I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago, but it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this, and if you need me like that
It was dead long ago, but it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist, and it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now
There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me, I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper
There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances that were lost to us forever
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
But if I touch you like this, and when you kiss me like that
It was so long ago, but it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this, and if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)
There were moments of gold, and there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again, but then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure, it was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby
When you touch me like this, and when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind, but it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this, and when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see, all coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies, all coming back to me
I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now
If you forgive me all this, If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget, and it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this, and when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see, all coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies, all coming back to me
I can barely recall, but it's all coming back to me now
Merlin I missed him so much. I never thought I could miss someone this much. A year and a half ago I could hardly even stand to be in the same room as him and now it hurts to be away from him… But I had to make myself strong about this. I couldn't make the same mistakes again. If we were really meant to be, we would still be meant to be after the war, when we were safe… Maybe it had not been a completely thought-out decision, but it was a decision none the less. A decision I had made to my best judgment, to keep my love alive… I couldn't back down now. I could do this. I had been working on this for months when I was finishing the spell. Working on hiding my feelings… pushing them away so no one would see, no one would know… Harry and Ron didn't know. Well I suspect they knew something, but nothing concrete. They saw me working on a spell that had nothing to do with the horcruxes and they sensed I was always in a sad mood without any real reason. Well the reason had been the war of course, but they knew me well enough to know that that was not the only thing wrong with me… But they never asked, which I was glad for. They still don't actually. In this timeline, they can also see that there is something wrong, but I don't think they have the courage to ask me, or maybe more about how to deal with it if I tell them.
I had been getting more depressed with every passing day, since the beginning of the school year. And It wasn't just Ron, Harry and Ginny that were starting to notice. Some just thought it was simply because of the war, that we all knew was coming, but most of my friends knew that it was more than that, even more so when my grades started slipping. They just didn't know what it was that was bothering me and they didn't dare ask. Most of my grades were still the best in school, but my potions grade had been slipping. Even the fact that Harry was using that god-awful Half Blood prince book, didn't bother me as much as it did "the first time around". I couldn't even bring myself to care about that anymore. I just couldn't help it. I tried so much to act normal, but every time Draco would look at me in the Great hall, or pass me in the hallways, being in the same classroom as me, even if I could just smell his cologne when I walked along a corridor, that he had been in moments before, the whole in my heart just got even bigger. Every time he scowled at me or looked at me annoyed or with anger, was another shot through my heart. It was like I was slowly dying inside and I couldn't heal myself… Who knew that Draco Malfoy was gonna be the one to make my life whole, to make my heart whole, to make me whole…? If someone had said that to me a year and a half ago, I would have laughed in their faces and called them crazy. I guess that would probably go double for Draco. I can only imagine he never thought that he would give up everything just for me… To think that we started out hating each other. It's true what they say apparently, there is a fine line between love and hate. After hating each other for six years, that hate slowly turned into love and we became so close and I really think that it was simply meant to be… A great love, true love, like there have been so many in history. Faith knew we were perfect for each other from the start, even if we didn't. I guess it just needed a chance and some time to grow. But now, faith's having a good laugh I think. Build them up and then tear them down… Everything's gone to hell. Maybe I should have just died with him. A real "True love" story ending, right? Dying for our love, together… Perhaps that would have been better… Neither of us would have to suffer the loss of the other, and we would be together forever in the afterlife. What if that is how true love is just supposed to be? Can't be together in life, but you can in the afterlife, when you die… How is that fair? Is true love always doomed then? I mean just read the stories… almost every great love in history has ended badly. No one can seem to make it work… There are always to many factors keeping them apart or making them do horrible things to be together… Romeo and Juliet, Samson and Delilah, King David and Batseba, Tristan and Isolde, Cleopatra and Marc Anthony, Lancelot and Guinevere, Paris and Helena, Orpheus and Eurydice. None of them really made it. None of them got there true happy ending. Just be together without having to hurt others for it, without getting their hands "dirty"… There is never a happily ever after like in the fairy tales. If they didn't make it, why would we…? Gods this was just too difficult… I had to stop thinking like this…
Most of my free time was spend wandering the halls or hiding out in the back of the library. During my free periods when most of the student body was in class, I dared venturing into the Gryffindor common room, cause no one would be in there. When my friends would be in there, I always made myself scares. I was afraid that when someone would finally buckle up the courage to ask me about my behavior and my sad moods, I wouldn't have the strength left to lie, so it was easier to just avoid everyone. At the present moment, the only one I was talking to, was Ginny. That wouldn't work forever though. Sooner or later, someone was gonna notice my absence, come looking for me and finally ask me the question I have been dreading since the beginning of the year… "What the hell is wrong with you?"
It had been two days since I confided in Ginny about everything that happened and I was doubting my decision more and more each day. Had I done wrong by him? Did I make it worse? Had I been selfish? I had a free period, so I decided to go and pass the time in the Gryffindor common room for a while. I was walking down the corridor of the first floor while I was contemplating my possible wrong choices and I came across the girls' bathroom. That was Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, so I was hurrying to get past it. While I was passing it, I heard something that stopped me from walking. At first I thought it was just Myrtle making a fuss about something, but when I was passing closer to the half open door, I could hear that there was also a male voice crying en weeping, and not just Myrtle talking. When I stepped further inside, I could see a flash of white blonde hair before stepping back again. Stepping in further, this time, I saw Slytherin school robes and tie on the ground and I saw him standing over a sink, shaking from tears, with his head down… Draco… Wow this is so strange, I haven't been here before. This happened differently "the first time around". Harry had been the one to walk in on him… This is the new timeline. I'm the one finding him in here now, not Harry. What is already so completely different about this reality that makes me find him and not Harry? I can hear Myrtle speaking to him like she knows him, trying to sooth him, comfort him, like she knows exactly how to… Which means he has probably been here many times before, crying just like this. There was no fight in him now. When Harry found him, Draco immediately fought him. There had been a fire in him to keep his bad choices a secret and start making good ones. But now… he probably sees no way out. Merlin, I was suddenly feeling so guilty again… fearing with all my heart that my first thought about all of this and of course Ginny had been in fact right… "I condemned him…" I whispered on the verge of tears.
Suddenly Draco looked up and yelled: "Who's there?! I can hear you!" He had his wand, that had previously been lying next to him, firmly in his hand, ready to throw a spell at the intruder. I stepped out of the shadows and looked at his beautiful face. His cheeks all wet and his eyes red from crying. He looked so vulnerable, so desperate,… so in pain. I hadn't noticed that tears had started to fall from my eyes as well… I thought that when I would reveal myself he would get angry at me and force me to go away and not tell a soul what I saw, but he did quite the opposite actually. He probably saw the tears in my eyes and found it soothing not having to cry alone. "Granger…" He whispered. "Why are you crying?" He inquired. Very quietly I whispered "because you're in pain…" This was however not meant for his ears. I answered that question more to myself actually, but he heard me. I could see it in his eyes that he did. There was confusion in his eyes as a result to my answer, and something else that I couldn't quite place… It was a soft look however. Not harsh or angry or judgmental, just soft… But he didn't say anything about it. He didn't acknowledge that he heard me at all. He simply looked at me and asked: "Join me?" And I gave a simple answer: "Sure."