Chapter 27: Choice

-0-0-0-0-0-

Forest of Berk, Night

Navigating through a forest so densely populated with trees and thick undergrowth during the day was hard enough in its own right, but doing the same at night was for obvious reasons nearly impossible. If it hadn't been for my unusually good vision in the darkness and motivation to do so, I doubt I would have gotten any further than five feet into the tree line before running headfirst into a tree.

At least that might have knocked me out so I could sleep.

The night was as unforgivingly cold as most nights on the island, one that ignored clothing and went straight to the bone. It was likely the only thing that was keeping me from dropping to the ground and passing out from exhaustion then and there. That, and also the hope that doing what I was doing would put an end to the intrusive thoughts of a world ending apocalypse that had plagued me nearly every time I slept.

I wondered how long it had been since the night when that thing told me all about end times. How many days and nights had I spent bedridden and feverish, barely catching any sleep because of the nightmares the plagued me? I wasn't sure, and for once I had little care for the amount of time that had passed. The only care I had was to make the thoughts stop. To get that thing to leave me alone for even a mere second.

That was why I had found myself stumbling out of the warmth of the Haddock's home and into the chilled night, somehow managing to make my way to the forest despite my body feeling like it was filled with rock and my mind a jumbled mess. I was so tired of it all I had decided I was better off simply giving in to doing whatever that voice said if it meant even the slightest chance of it shutting up for one night.

Time dredged on with an apparent slowness as I continued to trek through the thick underbrush, and with each step and each breath I felt my eyes growing all the more weighted down. In my growing absentmindedness I stumbled down a small but steep hill, barely managing to not completely fall head-over-heels before coming to a stop in a rocky depression at its bottom. My weariness finally overwhelmed me and I fell to the ground in a heap. Even a stony cold crevice felt more comfortable than most beds in the sleep deprived state I was in, and I wanted nothing more than to merely give in there and sleep.

A sword. Countless people, all fleeing or fighting. A blinding flash of light… then searing pain.

Get up.

I jolted awake and scrambled to my feet, my body seeming to move ahead without me as my mind still churned from the dream. I had no clue as to how long I was out, but if I had to guess not for very long. It hadn't seemed to like me passing out in the middle of the woods.

"I don't know about you…" I laboriously said aloud, "But I actually need sleep to function. So don't get all prissy with me if I pass out because of your 'encouraging'." I didn't know for sure if it could hear me, or if it was some construct limited to my dreams, but I didn't care at the time. Being snarky felt good.

More time spent aimlessly walking later, I entered a break in the trees and into a clearing. Basked in the pale light of a crescent moon, the clearing appeared frozen in time; not a blade of grass moved and the air around me felt unnaturally still.

"Oh, I almost forgot… why I was out here." I once again said aloud, more for myself that time than for it.

Despite my growing unease deep inside my core, I took a step further into the clearing, and then another. Slowly but surely making my way to its center, all the while glancing around me for any signs of life. A minute or so passed and I eventually wandered to the rock I had used frequently as a sitting place. I stared at it for a moment, not thinking all too deeply about it or the events pertaining to it, until my eyes peered a bit further past it.

Even in the dim light, I could see the difference in colors from where the green of the grass gave way to the charred black of—

I grimaced slightly, and a part of me felt the need to leave, but managed to calm myself. The thoughts came, but I endured them. Whether because of the actions of it or some other reason, the power the memories had before felt diminished. They still instilled fear and anxiety, but not near enough to stop me in my tracks. It was a small feeling of relief to know I was slowly getting over it, but at the same time there was a trickling feeling of unease at the prospect.

Am I moving past it because that thing is somehow making me or is it really just me naturally moving on?

I could only hope at the time that the thing didn't have that sort of influence over me, but I couldn't deny the only reason for me being out there that night was because of its pestering to do something. Part of me was beginning to question if I really had a say in anything I was doing, but I ignored it and hoped doing so wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass.

I continued to stare at the charred ground for what seemed like forever before an odd idea popped into my head. Before I could consider it, though, my body once again began to move without me. I crept around the rock towards the patch before slowly sitting down next to it in the spot that was so seared into my memory.

I once again began to wonder if the action was made out of my own desire to or by some influence by the voice. The mere idea that I might have no longer been in control alone felt more debilitating than anything else I had been through.

This is my decision… as weird as it is. I did this to prove I can accept what happened. I reassured myself. I'm not going to let some stupid voice in my head cause me to doubt my own actions.

I closed my eyes and took in a breath. My dreariness had left the moment I stepped foot into the clearing, probably from the still existing subconscious fear of the area that wanted to keep me alert. Or maybe because I had sat down on icy cold damp grass.

"I'm here." I quietly announced. "Now what?"

A few minutes passed with no response, not even from the world around me. Only the silence of the night. I sighed as I opened my eyes to look down at my wrist. There it sat embedded in my wrist, surrounded by oddly twisting and warped burns that somehow looked to naturally connect skin to stone. The center of all my problems, idle there, silently biding time until it could reach out when I least wanted. I clenched my fist, and I could almost feel the tendons brush the stone but somehow be unimpeded by it. A reminder of the very real and very strange situation I was in.

"I should've just assumed you to be some stressed induced fever dream. But it's too late for that, isn't it?" I muttered with resignation.

I decided to take the opportunity to check the time, but quickly found my watch to be missing. I realizedI must have been left behind by my cot, as the only thing I had really thought to grab in my mad stumbled out of the house was a thicker coat for the cold. I was stuck dealing with another unknown, something that seemed to sum up my entire situation. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, not only right then in the field but also in the future. I didn't know what was going to happen either, or if I would be ready for it. I didn't know when I might get a feeling of normalcy again, a chance to simply live without worrying. And I didn't even know if they would even show up at all that night.

A shiver ran down my spine, but not from the biting cold.

It turned out my worries over them arriving or not were unwarranted though, as a few minutes later the hair on the back of my neck stood as a presence began to fill the outer fringes of my mind. Even though mere minutes before I had been acting impatient, I found myself quickly wanting to return to that situation of waiting.

I took deep breath. You were going to have to do this eventually. Better to get it over with now. Just have to focus on what is important, ignore everything else. I steeled myself as a ran an idle hand through my hair.

A few seconds passed in which the feeling grew more prominent before a rustling off behind me filled the clearing with sound for the first time since I arrived. The sound stopped soon after, and silence fell once again. I knew she was there despite it, the odd feeling of eyes on my back feeling like pinpricks of heat.

"I… thought I was imagining things." She eventually said, her voice sounding far off even though it was all in my head. "For you to be here again, especially now, seemed too…" she trailed off, seeming unsure of what she wanted to say or even if she wanted to say anything at all, but I wasn't sure which.

More confusing though was the feeling her words evoked. I felt thankful for something but I couldn't place what.

I couldn't think of anything to say back.

When a few moments of silence passed with no response from me she spoke again. "I suppose it is too much to for me to expect a response right now, after what I did…" she trailed off again, her voice sounding strange to me. "I know I already said this, but I do not think I can ever say it enough. I betrayed you, I exploited your trust in me, merely to hurry things along. I have been reliving that moment in my head every waking moment, and it was only recently I realized how I could have let myself done something so egregious."

My chest was beginning to tense up. This isn't what I was expecting… why am I not feeling scared or angry? Why am I feeling so… so relieved? It seemed to me in that moment that the person trying so hard to portray their guilt wasn't even the person responsible for what had happened.

"… What I am trying to say is that I am truly sorry. Sorry for not caring enough about how you were feeling and more about my own problems. For letting the carelessness cause to harm. I can only imagine what you think of me… Because of that I understand if you wish to never speak to me again." She paused for a moment, and I swore I could hear her heavy breaths from across the field. "But I beg of you, Hadson… to give me a one last chance to make up for what I did, to let me finish what we started so that we can stop what is to come. If not for me, then for the people you care for, for yourself. Then, when it is all over, you never have to see me again."

That was when I finally pieced together what was happening. Why I was so calm, so relieved. Why she sounded so strange to me.

"Please. I cannot do this without you."

It wasn't her talking anymore. The façade was gone. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and felt the weight in my chest dissipate. I stood, noting that my body no longer felt as heavy as it had before.

I turned to face her, the apprehension I expected doing so flaring somewhat. There, mere yards away, she sat silently. There was no doubt it was the same black and white dragon, at least in appearances, but there was that subtle change in her posture that only further proved my thoughts. She looked almost defeated. Those amethyst eyes that had moved to look me square in the eyes as I turned to her, they weren't the eyes that haunted my dreams. There was too much emotion, too much life brewing behind them. A cynical voice in the head told me it was another front she was putting on, a manipulation tactic, but there was too much genuine emotion for that to be true.

Seconds passed. She was still staring at me, though she seemed to struggle to maintain the eye contact, and the more time that passed in silence the more the desperation for some sort of response grew behind those eyes.

What am I supposed to say?

Though I had managed to get past the first roadblock in the encounter, there was still the uncertainty on how I was supposed to move forward with it. She was apologizing again, and she was asking—begging—for me to give her another opportunity, one more chance. I knew what it wanted me to say, to accept her offer and to ignore any reservation I may have. A part of me agreed with it. It wasn't only my life on the line after all. So much was hinging on my choice. I wasn't even sure if I had the willpower to make such a decision.

But then the unsettling thoughts I had been dismissing not long before resurfaced tenfold.

Do I really have a say in this? A choice?

The more actual thought I put into it, the more the idea of me being some mere agent for something else's motives seemed more likely. That 'guiding' force that I had previously thought of for being the reason I hadn't died in a plane crash in the middle of an ocean, the one I had assumed to be benevolent and wanting the best for me, may very well have simply been something that was making sure its pawn didn't get killed before it had a chance to be used. And everyday since then it could have been subtly influencing every action I made, edging me into the proper situations and choices that benefited it with little regard for what it meant for me.

After all, it had done it to Toothless, and it also managed to get me to come out into the woods in the middle of the night. Maybe it had even done the same to her.

A deep chill worked its way into me as that new reality sank in. I may very well have been overthinking things, attributing mere coincidence and chance to some power out of my control, but I was in no proper headspace to think things through logically. I shook my head, still trying to figure out how to react to my new theory as I replied in the only way I could think of in the moment.

"Do I even have a choice?"

-0-0-0-0-0-

The words fell out of his mouth. He did not seem to voluntarily speak them. There was no resolve, no anger, no sarcasm, no acceptance. Only mere words as if he had not even thought them.

Why? Why is he saying that?

It was not the response I had wanted, not even the one I had expected. I had run the scenario so many times through my head for days, trying to think of every possible way I could apologize and every reaction I could expect from him. If he had sounded angry then I could see why he said it, finding himself confronted by the person that killed him asking for another chance, but also knowing what was at stake. He would see it as me manipulating him, forcing him to say yes. Anyone would be angry at that.

But he was not.

If anything, he sounded conflicted. As if what he had said was caught between a joke and the truth, which was a far cry from his normal tendency to either dismiss things or glide along with them. Granted there had been times where he became unsure of events, he had still always had valid reasons for such thoughts.

I wondered for a moment if what I had done to him pushed him over some limit that in turn compromised his normal thinking, but disregarded the notion. If that were the case, I was sure he would have either returned far sooner or have not come back at all. Him being there meant he had chosen to come, or at the very least that something had driven him back.

Why should you care about the whys? That voice in my head said, so arrogant and confident. He is accepting your apology… now we can finish what we started, put this whole ordeal behind us. You should be happy.

It was right. It was always right. Fates beyond how I hated how right it was. It thought with reason, and its reason was sound. I should be happy, or at the very least relieved. It did not matter the reason for his strange change in demeaner; no longer someone who was so resistant towards what needed to be done. He was finally accepting the fact he all he needed to was listen to me.

There was a temptation in agreeing with its logic, but I shook myself from the voice. I am done entertaining your logic. You are the reason for this mess.

Not considering how anyone but myself thought or felt was the reason I found myself in the situation I was in the first place. I had finally realized how harmful my disconnect from the world was not that long ago, not only for those around me but myself as well, and yet that voice still tried to stick around and rear its silver tongue at the worse possible times. Granted one could not so easily change in the span of mere days, but surely with the events that had happened its influence would have been diminished.

Why he said that does matter. I thought defiantly towards the voice.

"As if you had a choice? Of course you have a choice!" I responded earnestly. "Listen, I do not know what is going through your head, but I can assure you have the right to turn away now. I know I said I need you, and I stand by that, but if you truly do not want this then… then I can figure something out."

Could I really do it without him? I briefly thought, worried about that specific outcome. No point in worry over that now. I will deal with it if it comes.

A strange look came about him, one I could not place no matter how hard I tried. I was unable to read him, something I did not remember being all too hard before. Then again, there was a lot about him that seemed different. Not only had his words sounded disconnected, but he even looked the part. He was there physically, but barely mentally as if he was not all there. I looked harder, but the only emotion I could place was how tired he looked.

He looked awful. As much as I disliked thinking it, that was the truth. His eyes were sunken and unfocused, and his skin was a sickly pale color that I could not directly link to the chill in the air. It was obvious he had been through a rough time since the last time I had seen him, which only deepened the guilt I felt.

He let out a sign as he rubbed his eyes. "As much as I appreciate the words, I honestly don't know if I can believe them." His hand slipped from his face as his brown-blue eyes focused on me, the conflict behind them seeming all the more apparent. "The more I think about it the more I think having a choice in this whole fiasco is a joke."

I shook my head in confusion. "I am not sure I understand what you are saying?"

"I don't know," he paused for a moment as he seemingly struggled to find the words. "Everything that's happened to me since coming here, all the things that have happened, they all feel so… unlikely. I mean…" a disgruntled grunt escaped him as he once again failed to convey whatever he was trying to get across. "Think about it, like really think, do you have a choice in any of this?"

The question had been so unexpected and strange that I could not even begin to try and figure out an answer. "Do I have a choice?" I repeated still confused.

He sighed as he looked down, slightly shaking his head. "My head may be a mess right now, but I can still remember every detail of that day." He looked back to me, still with that hard to read gaze. "You're only helping me because you were told to. Something about 'The Fates', your form of deity I'm guessing."

"That is not the same." I responded after a brief moment of thinking what he said over, remembering that excuse from when I had been admitting my reasonings for what I did. "I chose to listen; they do not force anyone to do anything."

An emotion flashed across his face, one I could barely place as doubt. "If that's the case, then what compelled you to choose to listen? I remember how little you liked our arrangement at the start." He did not sound as confrontational as what his words would have implied, if anything he seemed to earnestly want clarification and answers, but there was still a lingering doubt in his voice. He had even taken a few steps towards me, but I doubted he had even noticed.

"I listened because the Fates know what is best." I responded without hesitation. "To ignore them would be… unwise…" The more I let my own words sink in the more I realized what I was saying.

That… that cannot be right. Surely not.

"Doesn't sound like a choice to me." He did not even sound satisfied with being right, almost as if he had been hoping for a different answer.

I knew the encounter was going to be a difficult one, but it had somehow ended up exceeded my expectations. Not only was there a concerning lack of emotion behind it all, but it had somehow come to the point to which I was beginning to question my own motives for everything.

Was he right? Did I really have a choice back then?

No, I did not. I followed what I was told because I knew it was the only choice I had, even though I wished not to leave my secluded corner of the world behind I did so because I had to.

But… was that really a bad thing?

I might have had no choice in becoming involved in the situation at the start, but those kinds of moments occur for all in their lifetimes. A moment where one is forced to do something, despite if they have reservations, because it is what they know deep down must be done. But for every moment where the ability to choose is limited, there are countless more where choice is in play. That was simply how life worked. For better or worse.

I may not have chosen to come, but I chose to stay. That I was sure of.

I sighed. "I suppose you are right, in a way. I did blindly follow the Fates here without really choosing to do so. It was not even the first time I had done such a thing." There was a brief thought back to that day so many seasons ago when the Fates had first called me away, the day I had until recently buried deep in my memories. There was almost an irony that both times it had happened it led me to do something I deeply regretted, and there was a momentary lapse in my trusting in the Fates that was quickly stomped out. The Fates did not tell me to act the way I had, I chose to do so.

He said nothing in response, but he did look slightly taken aback. I supposed he was expecting more resistance from me with what he likely thought was some life-altering truth.

And maybe that was what was truly wrong with him. He was merely succumbing to some form of truth he had discovered, and I could not blame him. It was not easy to accept the fact we sometimes have no say in our lives. But what was important was that we did not allow those times to cause us to lose ourselves. Our lives, no matter what happened, were still our own to decide.

When did I become such a deep thinker? I idly wondered. Maybe Sire's ramblings left some impression deep down.

I kept my gaze on him as I straightened up, tapping into the overconfidence of that voice I was trying to keep in check. I needed to get through to him, to give him what I believed he needed. Hope. "But I did have a choice after."

Confusion. More emotion was coming out of him. I took it as a sign that I was at least getting through somewhat.

"When I was called here, I flew without hesitation late into the night to this island, and during that flight I came to understand who I was being called to when the Veilstone connected with me. I was… confused. Angry as well, but mostly confused. But I steeled myself. I knew there was an explanation, so I chose to continue on. When I discovered this island was full of humans and dragons, I wanted to leave, but I chose to stay longer. I needed to know what is was about you that meant I was to be called here."

"Then I confronted you. Face to face, I quickly saw there was something different about you, yet familiar all the same. Someone far from their home, someone who did not want to be where they were. And finally, I came to know the purpose of why I was called. The Fates believed me to be fit to guide you and to help prevent catastrophe. I was overwhelmed. I did not know what to do or even think. Did I really have to be responsible for a human? For the fate of all around me? Surely there had been a mistake. I was merely a dragon who ran away from her problems, I did not fix them."

I closed my eyes and took a breath. I was thinking of things I had been ignoring, and realizing another motive behind my actions I had been denying.

"And then I realized the choice I had been given." It hurt to come to terms with the fact so many of my actions came about from my self-conscious issues, so much selfishness. That was not who I was, or at least it was not who I wanted to be anymore. "I had the chance to prove to myself I had a purpose in life, that I was not some sort of… mistake. Something for people to pity or ridicule." I looked back to him. "So I chose to stay."

I fell silent, and he looked to be too lost in thought to respond right away. The fact he was thinking about it at all was reassuring, but I still was not even sure if it would be enough. He never before seemed like the kind of person to lose hope or succumb to despair, yet the way he had been acting during our encounter flew in the face of that.

What could have done that to him? I wondered during the silence. It would be easy to blame myself for it, but if that were the case surely he would be at the very least afraid of my very presence. Yet he seems more concerned over something else.

He was taking longer than I had liked to respond. Clearly whatever thoughts were trying to convince him otherwise were holding their ground. I was surprised to find myself growing irritated, not at him but at whatever was twisting his thoughts.

"I do not know what that voice in your head is telling you, but you need to ignore it." I said sternly, breaking the silence and grabbing his attention. I decided to push my luck and slowly stalked close to him. "Ignore the choices you think you have been denied, and ignore the choices you think you might be prevented from making in the future. All that matters is now. What do you want to do this very moment? That is all you need you be asking yourself." By the time I had finish I was nearly right in front of him, but managed to keep myself at eye level as to hopefully not come off as threatening. Thankfully he had not even seemed to register I had gotten closer.

He blinked a few times, almost as if he had been knocked out of some stupor, and looked away for a few moments. "What I want now?" he asked, but it did not sound directed to anyone but himself. He muttered something that I could not hear, but the tone sounded sarcastic.

At least he is back to doing that.

He looked back, and I was relieved to see that some of the life had return to his tired eyes. "I could really go for some sleep." He responded with strained and small grin.

Then, before I could even show a sign of relief, he buckled from exhaustion. In an instant and to my own bewilderment I was under him, having prevented him from completely falling over. I slowly lowered myself to the ground, making sure to keep his now limp body balanced on my side. A moment passed in which nothing happened. I merely kept my gaze locked forward while I tried to process what was happening.

Is this... okay to be doing? To be so close to him after what I did?

Part of me wanted to put the distance back between us out of respect for what he would probably want and a bit of my own discomfort being in physical contact with a human, but the other side of me thought it would be cruel to leave him lying on the ground. Ground so cold I could even feel it through my scales.

"I am, uh, sorry for this." I managed to get out after struggling to find the words. "You were falling, and I did not want you to get hurt but I did not consider the fact you likely do not want to be so close—,"

"It's fine." he wearily responded, cutting me off.

"Forgive me, but this whole situation has been quite the ordeal." I confessed as I craned my neck to look at him. "I came expecting you to hate me, to barely be able to look me in the eye, but instead you showed no outward reaction to anything, then you made me question my own motives, and now you are lying on me like I am not the very person who nearly… killed you." I looked away again as if I could find some answer lying around me. "I do not know what to think."

He chuckled softly, catching me off guard before I turned to look back at him in confusion. "That makes two of us." He fell silent again for a small while, long enough for me to have thought he had fallen asleep before he spoke up again. "Sorry about me getting all philosophical back there. Not really thinking all that straight tonight."

"It is fine." I unintentionally mirrored. "Though I am curious to know what has led you to think those things… If you do not mind telling me, that is." I was honestly curious to know if he had been struggling with a similar type of voice I had been.

I felt him shift slightly on my side, the action sending an involuntary cringe through me. I had to practically fight with my body to stop it from recoiling away completely. "I, uh, don't really feel like talking about it right now. Maybe tomorrow." he replied before letting out a long yawn. "You asked me if I would be willing to give you another chance, never gave an actual answer, did I?"

I tensed a bit at the reminder of the whole reason for me coming here. "No… I suppose you did not. Have you made a decision?" I asked warily.

He let out a long, tired sigh. "I can't just forget what happened. That's gonna take some time. Time we don't seem to have much of." he responded carefully, his tone seeming to dip for a brief moment. "So because of that I'm going to have to say I can't give Lehaun another chance yet."

"… Is that so." I slowly replied, trying to suppress my growing disappointment in myself but also finding the wording of his answer strange.

"But… I think I could give you a shot at it, Dusk."

My stomach dropped, but I was not sure if it was from relief or shock. "H-How…?" I began to ask, turning to look at him again, only to see that he had already succumbed to his exhaustion.

That is not fair… he cannot say that name and just… how does he know?

I had not heard that name in a long time, I could not even remember how many seasons it had been. I had not used it to even refer to myself after I left home. I could see then that I had done so to somehow separate the person who cared for those close to them and the one willing to discard them for selfish reasons.

Did he lie when he told me the Veilstone did not tell him my name? No, that cannot be it. He would have no reason to hide that.

That only meant he has learned it recently, but when? And more importantly, why?

I took in a breath to calm myself. No use in losing yourself in what you do not know. I will wait for him to tell me himself. Until then, just be grateful he said yes at all. I told myself, happy to hear my own voice saying it.

I looked up at the sky. It was not long before midnight from what I could tell. I looked back to the human that was passed out on my side. There were still many conflicting feelings about the arrangement, but there was only one thought that managed to escape my muddled mind.

He will freeze out here this exposed. I thought as I reluctantly extended a wing to cover him with before adjusting myself to be in a more comfortable position. This is going to be a long night. I added as I closed my eyes. But, all things considered, this is probably the best outcome possible.

-0-0-0-0-0-

A/N:

Hello it's me again back with some more of this little old story. Happy that this chapter is out as it was one of my favorite to write, and is also a supposed to be a big turning point for both characters involved. We get to see growth for Lehaun, or Dusk? Will have to wait and see how exactly that dynamic will work out. And while Christopher may not have grown as much he surely has gotten some of the reassurance he needed. Hopefully now the two of them can start working towards the real endgame now, and hopefully don't get hindered by anymore problems.

To those who got this far thank you for taking the time to read, and as always please feel free to share your thoughts!

Until next time.

4-4-22