"Piper, are you coming?" Lorna asked.
"Yeah give me one second!" Piper shouted as she saved the document on her laptop and grabbed her jacket from the closet.
It had been almost 2 weeks since the end of trails and Alex still hadn't heard any news. Piper herself had been distracted by upcoming college deadlines but had still noticed an evident shift in Alex's behaviour. The sudden change in Alex's attitude and personality made Piper nervous. She got the sense that Alex had been avoiding her and it left the blonde with a constant uncertain churning in her stomach. She hadn't seen Alex for four days and communication between the pair was almost non-existent. Piper repeatedly told herself it was about the soccer but she couldn't keep the doubts from creeping into her mind.
Piper pulled on her jacket and picked her phone up from the bed. She unlocked it and scrolled through her unanswered text messages to Alex from the last few days.
Piper: Hey babe, are you having a good day?
Piper: Night Al, guessing you've been busy today maybe see you tomorrow?
Piper: Morning, I'm coming to training later- see you then?
Piper: Do you want to do something tonight?
Piper: ?
Piper: Al, you ok?
Piper sighed and shoved her phone in her pocket as she left the room. Lorna was waiting for her in the corridor and noted the look on Piper's face.
"Still not heard anything from Alex?" Lorna asked sadly.
Piper shook her head and plunged her hands in her pocket. Lorna linked her arm with Piper's as they stepped out into the evening. The evenings were starting to become lighter and the air was a comfortable temperature as the pair head out towards the training pitches.
"I just don't understand. What's changed?" Lorna asked timidly.
Piper shrugged, shaking slightly despite the air not being cold. Lorna pulled her friend closer as they continued to walk together- she knew as much as anyone that Alex's behaviour the last few days was really out of character. It was as though someone had pressed a switch, causing Alex to retreat within herself. Lorna could see the effect it was having on her friend, Piper was trying to be strong but Lorna could tell that the confusion and uncertainty was killing her.
"Everything will be OK Piper," Lorna said sweetly, smiling across to her friend.
They reached the training pitch and waved over at the members of the soccer team who had already started to warm up. The training pitch was an artificial surface surrounded by high fences and flood lights. The pitch was beautifully cut and a number of students were scattered around the perimeter of the field waiting for the session to begin. The soccer season was well underway and news had quickly travelled that Alex had tried out for the national team- this had only spiked interest in the sport.
Piper and Lorna made their way around the edge of the pitch to the small seating area. They perched on one of the small plastic benches and watched as Bennett rounded up the girls for the start of the training session.
Piper looked around, anxiously searching for Alex. "Where are they?"
Lorna strained her neck and surveyed the training pitch, "There's Nicky." Lorna pointed at the wild haired girl who was jogging towards the pair.
Piper stood up as Nicky approached, "Where's Alex?" Piper's heart was beating fast and she could hear the blood pumping in her ears. It was so unlike Alex to miss training- no matter what was going on in her head.
Nicky sighed and looked sympathetically at Piper, "Don't even get me started."
Piper looked sternly at Nicky, urging her to explain.
"She's quit soccer."
"She's done what?! She's quit… what the fuck?" Piper stammered.
"Jesus, why?" Lorna echoed, standing up to join Piper.
"Because she didn't get into nationals, she thinks it's a 'sign'" Nicky said, using her fingers to quote the word. Nicky looked helpless as she ran a hand through her mane of hair. She looked across to Piper uncertainly, waiting for her reaction.
"Wait, she doesn't know that hasn't actually got into the team does she?" Piper asked, confused.
"C'mon Chapman, it's been 2 weeks… chances are pretty slim."
Piper sighed, "I'm going to go and see her."
"I wouldn't if I…"
Piper shot Nicky a look that caused the wild haired girl to stop in her tracks. Nicky lifted her hands up in defeat. Piper said goodbye and marched off around the training pitch.
"This isn't going to end well" Nicky groaned.
….
Alex had been a shell of her normal self for the past few days. She hadn't even spoken to her mom properly, she felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest. Alex knew that Nicky thought she was being dramatic, no-one understood though- Alex had been made to believe that she would have a career in soccer and now it had been taken away from her. It was the only thing she was good at, although now she wasn't even sure that she was good at it. It would have been too painful for her to continue playing with the Litchfield girls, each moment on the pitch would remind her of what she could have had. It made Alex's blood boil to think that she was just another girl who had tried and failed for the national team. Alex felt guilty for pushing away the closest people to her but this was how she dealt with adversity- she hid.
Piper walked at full speed to Alex's house, her mind was whirring with all the things she wanted to ask Alex, all of the things she wanted to say. Alex couldn't quit soccer, it was her life. Piper was fast learning that Alex dealt with her problems best on her own but the blonde couldn't help but worry about how much of a state Alex must be in to have come to this conclusion. Piper thought about college, if Alex quit soccer her scholarship would fall through and she would no longer be able to attend Litchfield. Piper swallowed the lump in her throat and walked faster, life without Alex just wasn't worth thinking about.
Piper didn't even bother to knock on the door of the house and walked straight into the living room. The house was eerily quiet with all of the girls at training, Piper scanned the kitchen and living room before making her way to Alex's bedroom. Alex's door was shut but Piper knocked twice before entering the room. There were no lights on and the curtains had been drawn. As Piper's eyes adjusted to the room she spotted Alex curled up on the bed, Alex was facing away from Piper and the blonde could just about work out Alex's phone on the bedside table next to her. Piper's heart twisted as she realised that Alex had probably been inches away from her phone for the past few days but had still been ignoring Piper's messages.
"Al?" Piper asked quietly. Piper suddenly felt uncomfortable, as though she didn't belong here. When Alex didn't stir Piper decided it would be best to sneak away before Alex realised she was there. They say that when faced with an adverse situation the body encounters a flight or fight reaction, Piper Chapman wanted to take flight.
"I really don't want to talk right now Pipes", Alex's voice was hoarse- as though she hadn't spoken for a while. Piper's heart flipped at Alex's use of her nickname, somehow it signalled that things were normal. It reminded Piper that she couldn't escape this, she needed to stay and be there for Alex.
Piper took a seat gingerly on the edge of the bed, she peered over at Alex who was under the duvet with her hood covering her face. Alex didn't flinch when the bed sunk slightly as Piper sat down. Piper sat in silence for a few moments before speaking up.
"Alex, what's happening?"
Alex didn't respond, Piper could feel angry tears forming in her eyes. She found it so frustrating that Alex was so close to her but felt so far away.
"This isn't you Al." Piper whispered.
"You've only known me 6 months, how do you know what's me and what isn't?" Alex replied sharply.
Piper swallowed again, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up at the tone of Alex's voice. "I'm just trying to understand, you know you could still get onto the team right?"
"I said I don't want to talk" Alex snapped.
"But I just want to help" Piper said weakly.
Alex sprung upright, the duvet dropped off her as she looked at Piper for the first time. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was red and swollen. It was obvious that Alex had been crying and the thought made Piper feel like crying herself, but the look in Alex's eye didn't warrant feeling sorry for- Alex looked mad.
"Piper I've told you that I don't want to talk about it OK? If you really want to help so much then please, leave me alone," Alex spat.
The words stabbed Piper in the heart, her eyes started to fill with tears as she rose from the bed and left the room.
Alex lay back down on the bed and covered her head with the duvet. As she burrowed her head back into the pillow tears started to fall from her eyes. Once they started she couldn't stop them, she heard the front door slam and desperately tried to regain control of her breathing. The look on Piper's face was haunting Alex's thoughts, she couldn't believe she'd spoken to Piper like that- Piper didn't deserve that. Alex clenched her fists angrily, she knew how selfish she was being. That was the problem though, Alex Vause wasn't used to having to think of other people's feelings.
Piper walked numbly down the stairs and out of the house. She felt deflated and upset, Alex's words had torn through Piper's body- she felt as though her heart had been ripped to a million pieces. The short conversation had made Piper rethink everything, Alex was right- they had only known each other for 6 months- Piper was starting to think she didn't know Alex at all. During the walk home Piper replayed the conversation over and over in her head, each time she became more confused than before.
Piper sunk onto her bed, she still felt numb and was struggling to get her thoughts in order. She just kept thinking about what would happen next, the thought worried her more than anything. Piper scrolled aimlessly between the social media apps on her phone, she wasn't paying attention to anything on her screen- she just needed a distraction.
….
Piper was curled up in a ball on her bed with her phone lay flat on her chest when Lorna and Nicky entered the room.
"Pipes?" Lorna whispered gently.
Piper opened her eyes slowly and groaned as the memories of the evening rushed back to her. She was exhausted with the effort of overthinking and had obviously dozed off whilst looking through her phone. Lorna and Nicky looked like concerned parents as they hovered over her bed. Piper sat up and drew her knees up to her chin-wrapping her arms around them protectively. Lorna and Nicky perched at the edge of the bed and looked at Piper warily.
"So how did it go?" Lorna asked.
Piper's face crumped as she burst into tears. It was the first time she had allowed the real fear and upset she felt to become visible. She gulped for air as her body was racked by sobs. Lorna moved further up the bed so she was alongside Piper and pulled the blonde into her body, Piper allowed herself to be manoeuvred and lay with her head on Lorna's chest as she let her emotions take over.
Nicky stayed where she was, watching the scene awkwardly.
"What did she say to you Piper?" Nicky asked calmly.
Lorna ran her fingers through Piper's hair soothingly as she shushed the blonde gently- telling her it was going to be OK. Piper took several minutes to compose herself enough to speak.
"She just told me to… g-go away" Piper sniffed. "All I w-want to d-d-do is help."
Lorna nodded before pulling Piper's head back towards her and hugging the blonde once more.
Nicky placed a reassuring hand on Piper's shoulder, "You've done nothing wrong kid, OK?"
….
Nicky had kissed both Lorna and Piper on the head before leaving, she had never seen a human being so broken and confused. It made Nicky angry to know that Alex had been the one to make Piper feel this way. Nicky was Alex's best friend she knew the feelings that Alex harboured towards the blonde. That's what made the situation all the more frustrating, Alex was pushing away the only girl she had ever truly let in.
When Nicky entered the house she didn't pause for pleasantries but instead head straight up to Alex's room. Alex was curled up on the bed in the exact same position she was in when Nicky had come to collect her for training all those hours ago. The room was still dark and seemingly unchanged- the only difference being that the sweet smell of Piper's perfume hung in the air. The smell only further ignited the fuel that Nicky had in her stomach.
"Hey?" Nicky said- louder than necessary.
The sudden volume caused the mass that was Alex to jump slightly on the bed before turning towards the source of the noise. When Alex saw it was Nicky she barely made eye contact before she went to turn away from her friend once more.
"No," Nicky said firmly grabbing Alex's shoulder so that they maintained eye contact. "You need to listen to what I'm about to say to you."
Alex remained silent but didn't resist Nicky's grasp.
"I get you're angry and upset Vause, trust me I get it. But can't you see what you're doing? You're way of dealing with it is to lock yourself away and it's going to ruin everything good in your life. By all means continue wallowing in your own self-pity but you're so close to losing the best thing that ever happened to you- and I'm not talking about the soccer."
Nicky released Alex's shoulder and made her way to the doorway of the room.
"Nick?" Alex asked quietly. "Is she OK? Piper?"
Nicky turned around, "I think you know the answer to that question Alex."
….
Piper had been drifting in and out of sleep all night. When she had finally managed to fall asleep she kept having a reoccurring nightmare. In the nightmare she would be walking down a road with Alex, hand in hand, when suddenly the ground would open revealing a black hole. Alex would slip and fall down the hole, scrambling for something to hold onto, but Piper could never seem to reach her. Piper woke up with a start each time, sweat clinging to her forehead.
When she awoke this time her room was light and she could hear the chatter of students outside. Piper gave herself a few moments to calm down before looking at her phone. She gasped at the fact it was gone noon already and scrolled through the never ending stream of notifications that occupied her lock screen. She went through the whole list top to bottom- scanning it for Alex's name. When she couldn't find it Piper reverted back to the top of the list where she could see she had a number of missed calls from Nicky.
Piper frowned and clicked the redial button- the first ring had barely played through when the phone was answered.
"Vause?" Nicky asked hopefully.
"Wh-what? No, Nick it's Piper"
"Hey Chapman, listen I need your help."
"Right?"
"It's Alex."
Piper sat up on the bed, her heart racing. Nicky's voice sounded small and scared on the other end of the phone. Piper's throat felt dry as she tried to speak. She would never forgive herself if something happened to Alex.
"Chapman? You still there?"
"Y-yeah, what's happened to Alex?"
"Well, I don't know where she is. I spoke to her last night and was pretty harsh, when I went to speak to her this morning she wasn't in her room and no-one has seen her all day. But I'm also a bit worried because we've just received a pretty official looking letter for her."
"Oh?"
"It's got the national emblem on the back so I'm guessing it's official confirmation…This is only going to make her worse, I would not want to be there when she receives it."
"So let me guess you want me to go and find her and give her the letter?"
"Well… yeah. I don't know where she is."
Piper contemplated telling Nicky where Alex was- it was obvious, where was the one place Alex always went when she was upset? But Piper remembered the pinky promise she had made all those months ago to Alex- to never tell another soul about her secret hideout.
Piper sighed, "Look Nick, I'll go and find her and take her the letter but I'm not going to be her verbal punch bag- it isn't fair."
"I know Chapman, I just want to know she's alright- she needs us."
….
Alex looked out across the pitch, she adjusted the hood on her head and looked down at her phone. She had no messages, Alex knew that Nicky was right- she was pushing everyone away. Alex felt guilty, but was too stubborn to do anything about it. She sighed and remembered the time she had spent on this spot with Piper, no matter what Alex did Piper was always there for her. Alex knew that she didn't deserve the blonde, she also knew that she'd overstepped the line last night and potentially ruined the relationship that she'd tried so hard to build. Alex placed her glasses on her head and rubbed her temples as she dialled the only number she knew by heart.
"Hello darling."
Alex felt a lump form in her throat at the sound of her mom's voice.
"Hi Mom."
"How are you doin'?" Diane's voice sounded normal but was edged with concern.
"I've been better."
"Oh babe… have you heard anything?"
Alex stayed silent.
"Keep an open mind babe, stay positive. It's not over until it's over, you don't know the outcome yet."
"That's what Piper keeps saying."
"I knew she was a smart girl." Diane laughed.
Alex paused before humming in agreement.
"You're very lucky to have found someone like her so young Al."
"I know mom." Alex knew what her mom was doing and it was working. Her mom knew what Alex was like and knew that she had probably taken out her frustrations on those closest to her. Diane was good at effortlessly making Alex want to correct the error of her ways.
"You just remember what I always say OK? Happiest is the route to success. You need to use your shortfalls to fuel your ambition."
"Yeah mom, I will. You know what I'm like I just need time to process things before I can move forward."
"I know you do sweetheart"
"I love you mom"
"I love you too and I'll see for Spring break yeah?"
"Yeah, can't wait." Alex smiled.
….
Piper collected the letter from Nicky and made her way to the stadium. Her head was a mixed mess of emotions. She was nervous to see Alex, nervous of what she would say to her. Piper was still frustrated at Alex but Nicky was right- Alex needed them. As Piper weaved through the stadium and approached the fire exit leading out to the small platform her stomach churned- she hadn't contemplated what would happen if Alex wasn't up here.
Piper made her way swiftly up the ladder with the letter in her mouth and froze when she reached the top. Relief rushed through her body as she saw Alex hunched over in her usual spot. Alex heard Piper sharply exhale and turned around, she smiled slightly at the blonde before looking straight ahead again. Piper made her way over to Alex and sat down beside her- making sure to leave a space between them.
"Hi" Alex said quietly.
"Hi" Piper replied.
Alex's stubborn exterior collapsed and she turned to face Piper. Her eyes weren't swollen or red like the night before and Piper could see something deeper than anger and upset in her eyes- it was remorse.
"Piper, I am so sorry for last night."
"It's OK."
"No it isn't, I should have never spoken to you like that."
Piper nodded.
"The things is Pipes I don't have a very good way of dealing with things. It's so difficult when you spend your whole life waiting for something to happen and then you get faced with it and it doesn't happen. My goal has always been to make the National team, when I got selected for trails I guess I got ahead of myself and just assumed I would get into the team. But anyway, none of that even matters anymore- I'm surrounded by people that care for me and I completely ignored that for the sake of a game. And I know now that that isn't fair on you or my mom or Nicky or anyone else close to me. I was a selfish dick."
For the first time Alex was being totally honest about her feelings to someone other than her mom and it felt good. She looked into Piper's blue eyes, she never wanted to see sadness or pain in them again. Alex's veins felt as though they hurt as she comprehended how much she cared for the person in front of her.
You need to protect this girl Vause. She's too special.
"I don't know if I'd go as far as calling you a dick," Piper replied. Alex laughed as she felt the first signs of normality between the pair in days.
"But I need to be honest with you too Alex. I don't know what this is between us, what I do know is how much I care about you. I can already tell that I am always going to care about you- but I can't be someone you take it out on when things go wrong."
"No and I know that Pipes- honestly. This whole thing is new to me, caring for someone in this way isn't really something I've done before. I screwed up but it won't happen again. I think Diane would kill me if I ruined this" Alex winked at Piper who laughed in response.
Alex reached out to hold Piper's hand and spotted the envelope for the first time. "What, you writing me love letters now?"
"Don't push your luck" Piper replied. She had completely forgotten about the letter, her heart swooped as she realised that its contents could change everything between them. "This letter arrived for you earlier but before I give this to you I need you to promise me something."
Alex nodded.
"I need you to promise me that this letter won't change anything between us, this isn't going to be easy road but you can't just drop me when things get tough." Piper looked vulnerably across at Alex who looked confused before holding her little finger out.
"I pinky promise" Alex replied as she locked her finger with Piper's.
Piper nodded slowly before handing Alex the letter. Alex scanned the front of envelope and flipped it around to open it. She spotted the national emblem on the back and rolled her eyes, placing it on the floor between the two girls.
"I don't want it" Alex said. "It'll only be confirming what I already know. I'd rather not see it in writing."
"You don't know it's bad news Al."
"You sound just like my mom" Alex laughed. "You open it then?"
"Al… no" Piper's eyes widened at the suggestion.
"Piper either you open it or I'll throw it in the bin and neither of us will know" Alex replied.
Piper sighed and picked the envelope back up. She flipped it over and ran her finger underneath the lip of the paper causing the envelope to break open. Piper gently unfolded the paper and scanned her eyes across the words. She folded the letter back up and placed it in the envelope once more. Piper held the letter out to Alex.
"Read it."
"I said I'm not reading it" Alex replied not breaking her gaze from the pitch beneath her.
"Alex Vause quit being so stubborn and read the fucking letter!"
Alex smirked at Piper, surprised by her sudden assertion of authority. She held out a hand to take the letter from the blonde next to her. Alex tipped the envelope upside down so the contents fell out onto the roof of the stadium. She picked up the letter and unfolded it. The piece of paper was official looking and had the national team emblem at the top of the page. Alex's heart was beating fast as she began to read the letter:
Dear Ms Alex Vause,
Firstly, I want to thank you for attending the recent US training camp and for the hard work and dedication that you portrayed. Your natural talent together with your developing skill make you an excellent young player. Part of our aim here is to create a team of women who embody the spirit of the American people, a group of women who will fight and drive to the final whistle. Ultimately we wish to be the best team in the world, this plan cannot be achieved if we do not harbour and nurture our young talent.
After much deliberation within the wider team of coaches and whilst taking into account that you have already achieved personal success on the college soccer scene I am delighted to confirm that you have been granted a squad place on the US women's national soccer team. We believe that with the right training and guidance you can blossom into a fantastic national player and leader.
You must remember that when pursuing this journey you will never be irreplaceable- you must approach every training camp and game like you approached that last match during trials. If you continue to impress at this level there will be no limit to what you are capable off.
Over the next couple of days you will receive your kit and the spring/summer agenda for the national team. I look forward to working with you in the future.
Yours sincerely,
Galina Rezniov
"Shit" Alex whispered. She looked across at Piper and smiled at her in disbelief. Alex knew that this moment was the beginning of the rest of her life and was she was so glad that Piper was here to share it with her.
A/N- Hey guys, I honestly can't stop thinking of ideas for this story- I'm loving writing so much recently. Thank you so much for your never ending support- over 100 followers now! I can't thank you all enough, this story is my personal escape and it makes me so happy to write about these two. I'm so excited for the next chapter. As always please let me know what you think Love C- x