"FUCK!" Panic spreads through Deans body, the realisation of the situation finally hitting him. "I need to get her." Dean instantly bursts through the motel door, jumping the railings to the car park below and dashing to his car.
Castiel and Sam race to try and get in before Dean drives off without them. Barely waiting for Cas to close his door, Dean speeds out of the parking lot and down the highway back to the abandoned hospital.
"Dean, slow down, you'll get the cops pulling you over." Sam says, gripping onto the passenger door for dear life.
"Yes Dean," Cas speaks up from the backseat, "if we get caught by the police, we will not be able to get to her at all." His calm and logical words are betrayed by his cracking voice.
"We've got time." Sam puts his hand on his brothers' shoulder, "we all know how a Djinn works," he looks at Cas, then back to Dean "as long as we get there in the next few hours, we will save (Name)."
Dean slows down slightly, listening to their reasoning. "I know, but she needs to snap out of it herself." His eyes start to water, remembering what he gave up when he battled the Djinn; No hunting, a devoted girlfriend, Sam happy… his Mom. "What if she doesn't realise she's under the spell? Or worse…" his breath hitches in his throat, "doesn't want to come out of it."
Silence falls on the car. All three know of reasons why she would want to stay; No pain, family, happiness… Love.
"NO!"
"No what Dean?" Castiel asks from the back.
"When I was under the Djinn's spell, I was happy, but I had to come back so Sam wasn't alone." Dean shakes his head. "(Name) will realise it's all a spell, and she'll break out of it because she won't want to leave us."
"I'm not so sure Dean." Sam hangs his head.
"Of course, she'll figure it out, she's…"
"I know she'll figure it out Cas, I'm…" Sam raises his head to the road, then to his brother, "I'm not sure she will want to." Placing a hand on Deans' shoulder again, Sam asks, "If I was dead, and you were able to live with me again under a Djinns magic, would you have come out of it?"
"I take it you're referring to Alex?" Deans sombre voice echoes through the car. "No, of course I would have stayed." He answers truthfully, looking at his little brother. Then his eyes turn steely as they return to the road, "But my situation was different to hers. Everyone I loved and cared about was gone; Mom, Dad… you're the only one I had left." He makes a sharp intake of breath to steady himself before continuing, "but she's different, she has us, and she still has her parents back at her home. She knows she's not alone."
"Does she though?"
"You too Cas?" Sam turns to look at the Angel.
"She has not been the same the last few months. I have noticed a large difference in her demeanour lately; she is forcing herself to smile, our whole relationship seems… too much for her." Listening to Castiels' words, Sam looks to Dean, knowing why.
"She's been more active lately with me; more handsy, cuddlier and more affectionate. The kisses have also gotten longer and deeper." Deans' knuckles grow white on the steering wheel "but she no longer closes her eyes when we kiss. It all feels like she's forcing herself to enjoy our time together."
Once again silence falls upon the car; the younger Winchester feeling pain for both his friend but wanting to be there for his brother, while the elder's heart is falling from his chest in both guilt and grief. The tension in the car could be cut with a knife.
However, a wing did the trick.
"The only conclusion I have is that you fucked up, Dean, and broke her heart."
"WHAT!?" Both brothers exclaim as they turn to look at the Angel. Cas nonchalantly looks out the window of the impala then turns to the stunned faces of his friends.
"You knew?" Dean asks looking through the rear-view mirror at a very stoic Cas.
"About (Name)'s feeling for you? Yes of course, did you not?"
"What the fuck Cas?" Shocked, Sam swears at his friends' sudden confession. "Why on earth would you go out with someone who you knew was in love with someone else?"
"A friend, no less" Dean adds.
"I do care for her, very much indeed, but I am not in love her. I saw it as a good learning opportunity for me, to understand a female human more intimately."
"SHE WAS YOUR EXPERIEMENT?!" Dean shouts at his friend in the mirror.
"Yes, in a way." Cas nods. "Not just that, I thought by presenting an obstacle to you and (Name) you would realise your feelings, and finally confess those feelings."
Sam bursts out laughing at how ridiculous the whole idea, the whole situation, is. Dean on the other hand, "Why didn't you just tell me she loved me? Why the whole charade you douche?!"
"Come on Dean," Sam manages through chuckles, "anything resembling feelings you run from."
"I have come to realise this, yes." Cas nods in agreement, "If I were to tell you of the feelings you both held, you would have closed yourself off. I understand to love is to have something one can lose, so you choose to not love at all."
Dean sighs and looks to Sam, who has a half smile look of agreement on his face. Sighing again in surrender, Dean looks to the dark road Infront of him. "Now I could lose her anyway, and the last thing I did was break her heart."
"Which is why I think she may want to stay in the dream world."
"Cas," Sam says, "really need to stop now." Looking back at the Angel, Sam motions to a now solemn and borderline emotional Dean.
"That's what I mean, she will be happy with Dean in her dream world, as he is the catalyst of her desires." Once again, totally oblivious to subtlety.
"Cas!"
"No, Sam," Dean interrupts his brother, "he's right. She probably would want to stay." Dean doesn't bother wiping the single tear making its way down his face. "I'm just being selfish, I know that she is probably happier where she is." Biting his lips together for composure, Dean shakes his head. "I know that the dream me can make her happier than I probably ever could, but I can't leave her there." The Impala slows as it glides round the corner of the hospital road. "Even if I have to spend the rest of my life making up for breaking her heart, I just want that chance."
... (Meanwhile) ...
'So, how exactly am I going to deal with this?' You think to yourself. You look around the room; wonderfully decorated, littered with pictures of you with the boys, clothes, a mix of your and his shoes. Then, as your eyes scan the room, you see a photo of your wedding to Dean. You kick your legs over the side of the bed and take a closer look. You trace the faces of you and Dean; smiling as you shove cake in each other's faces. As your eyes float over the picture, you spot a familiar face in the background. Dressed in a dinner jacket and bowtie. "Alex?"
That's when it hits you, "I need to see him. Then I'll know if I really am in the Djinn's spell or not." With that you put down the photo, throw on a cardigan and head downstairs to see the boys.
When you get down there however, the government suits from before are back, talking in hushed tones with the Winchesters and Cas. "What's with all the quiet voices?" You ask padding your way into the living room.
"Oh baby," Dean turns to you, bringing you into a hug, "what are you doing out of bed? You should be resting."
"I'm ok, I just wanted to ask you guys something." You pat his back, then look past him to the gathering in your lounge. "So, what's happening?"
The room shifts uncomfortably, and the suits exit into the kitchen. With a sigh Dean holds your shoulders and looks you dead in the eye. "There is a werewolf incident in Nebraska that needs taking care of." Exasperated, Dean lets go of you and places his hands on his hips. "I was hoping that I could stay with you for a little longer, keep an eye on you as you recovered." He moves a strand of hair from your eyes to behind your ear, "especially with your memory loss."
"I mean, you could stay here, and Cas and I take it?"
"No Sammy," Dean answers, "we go as a team, or we don't go at all. Besides, I can't trust you to do the right thing. You furry." Dean sends a mocking smirk to his little brother.
"I had sex with ONE werewolf, who I didn't even know was a werewolf." Sam scolds his older brother, who is just laughing at his own joke. "And I was falling in love with her thank you, and I had to kill her."
"Yeah, you big meany." You slap your husband in the chest, "that's awful, you apologise to Sam right now." Laugh now a naughty chuckle, Dean apologises to Sam, and you nod, "and I should hope so too. Sorry Sam."
"It's ok (Name), I know it's just his emotional constipation talking again." Then, like the man-sized babies they are, the Winchester brothers stick their tongues out at each other. "In all seriousness though (Name)," Sam looks to you, "we have called Alex to stay with you while we are away, but if you think you need us to stay, then we'll just…"
"No, no, I'm ok, honestly." You shake your head in assurance, "I was gonna ask about seeing Alex anyway, because I want to ask him some questions," you move back so you can see all three of the guys as you talk, "about my memories, so this actually plays into what I want."
"Are you sure?" Cas finally speaks up from his chair in the corner, "We could get another team to take the case if you need us here."
You smile sweetly at the angel, "honestly sweetheart I'll be fine. Besides," you hold onto Dean's arm as you look at them all, "you're the best team in the business, I don't want to stand in the way of you guys helping people." Looking up at Dean you plant a small kiss on his jaw, "no, you guys go, I'll be perfectly safe here with Alex." You smile at him as genuinely as you can.
Dean smiles back in response, "OK, we'll be back in a couple of days at most" and he kisses you on the forehead. The boys spend the next couple of hours packing and asking The Suits what the specs are for the job and if there is any other intel. As you're in the kitchen making everyone coffee, the doorbell goes.
A loud, happy voice fills the whole house; a voice you and your heart instantly recognise. Your head turns to the sound, butterflies forming in your stomach, threatening to make you sick in both anticipation and nerves. Before you know it, your body starts to move on its own; legs pumping into a run out of the kitchen.
You see the owner of the voice in the hallway, bag at his feet and laughing whole-heartedly for everyone to see and hear. You open your arms as wide as you can and leap onto the man in the hallway, latching onto him with all your strength. "Hey li'l sis, I guess you missed me." Clinging onto him for dear life you begin to sob into his shoulder, "hey, it's ok, I'm home, where is all this coming from eh missus?" He questions softly as he strokes the back of your head soothingly.
"I just missed you, so much. I'm sorry." You say through happy tears, "can we just stay like this a little longer? 5 more minutes? Please?"
"Yeah sure, um, my bag…"
"I'll take it up for you." Dean taps Alex on the shoulder reassuringly, picking up the duffle bag and throwing it over his shoulder.
"Thanks dude," he winks at your husband before turning to you and taking your face in his hands, "now, you, what's all this for?" You can see your reflection in his concerned, chocolate eyes.
"Nothing" you stand back from him; shaking your head and wiping the tears and snot from your face with the back of your hand. "I just… I really love you, Alex. I know we have fought and not always seen eye to eye, but I really love you and you are the best big brother I could have ever asked for." Without meaning to, you go back in for another hug. Just to be pulled back by him just as fast.
"Right, what have you done?" He stares down at you suspiciously, "you've put something in my pocket, haven't you?" He asks and begins to pat himself down, checking all pockets "you've pranked me somehow."
"No," you reply through a weak smile, "I haven't, honestly."
"You have, I just know it, is Dean doing it?" He walks to the bottom of the stairs and shouts up, "Is it you Winchester? You doing something dastardly in my bedroom?"
"Honestly Alex, there is nothing going on." You giggle at his paranoia, trying to stop and sound serious.
"Well, I hope so little lady," he wags his finger at you as he takes off his jacket, "because if I find out you've used your memory loss and emotional state to prank me, Mother WILL be hearing about it." He says hip bumping into you, "now, I need a brew, whose got the kettle on?"
God, it's so good to see and hear him again. You have missed his dumbass so much; his stupid jokes, brotherly teasing, loud voice, his bear hugs. You feel your heart fill with a mix of happiness and pain as thoughts rush through your head; 'is this real? Have I lost my memory? Or am I really caught by the Djinn?' The more you thought, the more you had to make sure, because there is only one way to get yourself out of a Djinn's spell, and if you're wrong… you're dead.
The boys finish packing, you and Alex see them off, before heading back into the kitchen together. Sitting at the island, you watch as Alex makes himself a chicken and cranberry sandwich, not listening to his story as you're too lost in thought. "Do you remember Aberdeen?"
"What?" He says through a half-eaten sandwich.
"Aberdeen? The Succubus case? Do you remember it?"
"Yeah, of course I remember it." Alex leans on the island opposite you, swigging from a bottle of Budweiser. "I almost bloody died; I wouldn't forget that."
"Could you remind me please?" You act confused; squinting your eyes shut and pressing your hand to your head. "I don't know if I remember it, or at least, all of it." You know that leaning into amnesia as an interrogation tactic isn't very fair, or ethical, but you had to see if this is real or not. And this is your only chance.
"Yeah, OK, well, we were hunting this leviathan, and when we were on that job, in Glasgow I recall, we heard about a 'Lady in the glen' who seduced and lured men to suck their souls." You listen to Alex's explanation, all as you remember it so far. "So, after the lev-thing, we trekked on over to Aberdeen to find this 'Lady of the Glen.' But, when we got there, we realised it was actually a Succubus."
"Yeah, I remember all of that." You nod repeatedly, nursing your cup of tea. "So we went in to vanquish her."
Alex laughs, "Someone has been reading those D&D books again." He tussles your hair, "Yes, we split up to make the 'Vanquishing' easier, but then the cow found me and preceded to rip my clothes off." Alex tosses his now empty bottle into the bin and rummages through the fridge again, "though, of course, I can't blame her, she has eyes after all."
"OK…," you roll your eyes, "so, what happened next?"
"What do you mean what happened next?" Alex returns with another beer in his hand. "The bitch bit into my shoulder and proceeded to pump me with sexual hormones so I could be 'up and ready' to pump her." You shake your head at his explanation. "So, I cried out for you; you came along before she could finish 'getting it on' with me and decapitated the bitch." He punctuates his sentence by decapitating his new beer bottle and taking a swig.
"OK… So, no Incubus too?" You look at him, eyebrow cocked in questioning.
"Incubus? Why the hell would there be an Incubus too?" He asks walking into the living room.
You hop off the stool and walk in after him. "I remember there being an Incubus there too." You slump onto the sofa, pulling your legs up under you as you explain. "They were co-habiting together, lovers I think, that killed together."
"Blimey, that Djinn sure did a number on you eh?" Ale chuckles falling onto the sofa, propping his feet up on the coffee table.
"Possibly, oi, feet off!" You walk over and smack his feet from the table, sitting in front of him in their place. "I just… I just really remember there being an Incubus too. Tall, tanned, brown hair and eyes…"
Alex laughs, "If there was one, we would really have been in trouble." He takes a drink of his beer, "we probably would have died."
"You did!" Ale looks at you, alarmed. "I mean, in the version I was made to believe." You sigh, moving to sit next to your brother. "There was an incubus, and I was caught up in the toxin, until I remembered Dean."
"Oh yeah, we'd met him a few months before, following that demon." He nods in remembrance, "Wow, you really did like him quickly didn't ya?"
"Yes, almost instantly, but that's beside the point; I thought about him, and how my heart felt when with him, and the toxin wore off." You swivel in the chair, gesticulating energetically. "I was able to kick it off before it could inhabit me. Driving my knife into its skull when it lunged, then cutting its head off. Then I rushed to find you." You hold your brothers face in your hands as you look into his eyes, "but I was too late. I was too late Alex, she… it… you were gone. She had sucked the life out of you." Tears begin to stream down your face, eyes looking down as your hands fall to your lap. "I tried so desperately to wake you; shook you, yelled at you, tried CPR, even cut your palm with my pocketknife…nothing." That's when you begin to cry uncontrollably, barely taking time to breath. "I'm so sorry. Alex. So, so sorry. I." You talk through intermittent sobs, "I should have. I should have saved you. I am so sorry. I love you. I love you so much and I. I didn't tell you enough. I'm so sorry."
Ale pulls you roughly into his arms and proceeds to stroke the back of your hair, rocking you gently. "You soppy sod, I'm ok, we're ok, it was a bad dream. Shush, it's ok, guineapig, it's ok, nothing happened, we're good."
Alex continues to hold you and hush your tears until you calm down. You pull away and wipe tears from your cheeks, "guineapig?" You chuckle weakly, "you haven't called me that since we were little."
"Yeah, well" he shrugged, "I thought the occasion called for it." He pulls you in tighter and rests his chin on your head.
"I must be dreaming, you're never this nice to me." You look up at him as you attempt a smile through snivels."
"It's a one-time thing," he looks you dead in the eye and points a finger at you comically, "so don't get used to it, and you tell anyone I'll kill you myself." He winks at you, "Ok?"
You laugh softly as you throw your arms around him again, chin resting on his shoulder "OK, deal!" You proceed to hang onto your brother a little longer, etching this moment into your memory. After a couple of hours talking, laughing and reminiscing with Alex, you guys have dinner and he heads up to unpack.
As he heads upstairs you stand in the kitchen washing the dishes and putting them away. You have your iPod on the stereo, loud as it plays Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls, singing along as wine glasses and oven dishes get piled into the dishwasher or towel in your hand. Swaying absentmindedly one of the glasses goes flying out of your hand and smashes on the floor a few feet ahead of you. "Oh, fucks sake."
Padding your way over you take care as to not tread on any of the pieces and bend down to the remanences of the gin glass and begin picking up the shards. However, just as your humming your way through Hotel California by the Eagles, you notice ghostly translucent feet hovering just above your hands. Taking a steadying breath and keeping your eyes fixed on your hands, you pick up the glass and, calmly, stand up. Taking shallow breathes, you slowly sweep your gaze up to meet the apparition. A ghoulish dead face meets your eye. The same one as before.
However, instead of fear, you are filled with curiosity. You are sure that the life you remember is the real one, and you are, in face, caught by the Djinn. But this all feels so real, and so nice, that you're just not completely sure anymore. So, with opportunity presenting itself, you must find out, and you tip the glass into one hand, all the while keeping your eyes on the spectre. Your free hand reaches out, wanting to see if the thing is really in the kitchen with you or in the Djinn's lair with you. Your fingers slowly move to meet whatever is or isn't there, breath hitching slightly in your throat, head reeling with uncertainties and questions.
"(Name)? You ok?"
The sudden noise makes you jump and your head snaps back to the direction of the voice. "Yeah, Alex, I'm…" you look back to see your hand out in front of you, fingers pressed against the cold glass of the back door. Nothing else. "Fine."
"OK, if you say so." Alex comes walking up to you when there is a crunching noise, "Jesus, (Name), What happened here?"
"Sorry, what?" You look at him and follow his gaze to the floor. Then you realise you must have dropped the glass again when Alex made you jump. "Oh god, yeah, sorry," you bend down and begin gathering the pieces up again, "I was dancing, and it flew out of my hand."
Then you feel yourself being picked up and placed on the worktop. "You, madam, have no shoes on and am, clearly, still suffering from amnesia or whatever." Alex, says bending down and gathering the glass, "so you're going to bed. Where's your dustpan and brush please?"
"What makes you think I'm gonna take orders from you? And it's…" You begin to look around the kitchen, "I have no idea actually."
"See?" Alex crosses over the kitchen and throws the shards in the bin, "That's why. You've been attacked and now I find you staring at nothing, surrounded by glass and you can't even remember where the dustpan is." He looks at you in that way that only big brothers can. So, you stick your tongue out at him. "OK little lady, up to bed with you!" He knocks your leg with his hand.
"Oi," you smack his hand away, "like I said, what makes you think I'm gonna do it because you've told me too?" You then cross both your arms and legs in defiance.
Alex stands back and, looking down his nose at you, begins to count on his fingers. "One, I have been intrusted by your husband, my brother-in-law, to look after you." You smile then, but still don't move. "Two, you're my little sister and it is my duty to protect you and look after you when you are not ok." Your heart melts a bit at this, and your position softens. "And three, I'm older than you, bigger than you and stronger than you," he walks close to you, "so I can do this." Then he picks you up and throws you over his shoulder.
Kicking and screaming you are carried all the way up to your bedroom, where Alex proceeds to all but kick your door down and throw you on the bed. You turn around rapidly, exasperated at him and ready to beat the shit out of the arsehole, but are met by a big grin and tender kiss to the forehead. "In all seriousness Guineapig, you worried me, and I really want to make sure you're ok."
You look up at your Ox of a brother and even though you're still pissed, you can't help but smile. "Thanks Lexi, you know I really love you."
"I know Guinea," he smiles softly at you and strokes your hair again, "I love you too." Alex then crosses the room and goes to exit the room but turns round, "oh and straight to sleep now, or there will be trouble little lady."
"Piss off dickhead." You giggle as you throw a cushion at him, but he uses the door as a shield. You can hear him chuckling to himself as he closes the door and heads back downstairs.
You love your brother, and seeing him like this makes your heart sing, but you know the truth now. You look down at your hand and remember what happened in the kitchen, and the feeling when you touched the ghost. Nothing. There was nothing there, your hand went through with no residue or anything. It was an illusion, a remnant of a world you are being held captive from. You now know, know that this life is not real. Know you are actually a captive of the Djinn, and what you now have to do. You now know you must kill yourself in this life to get back to your real one. No matter how hard that will be.