Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass. The only profit I make from this fanfiction is the joy of writing and sharing my headcanons.

Thank you to everyone who commented, left kudos, started following my Tumblr, etc. :D

Thanks to my lovely beta-reader, TheGeminiSage, for looking over this whale of a tale. She is love. Go read her Undertale comic, Refuse. :D

AHHH, I'M SO EXCITED. Other than the 2016 SuzaLulu prompt responses, this is the first new SuzaLulu material I've posted. All the rest has been re-uploaded from 4-7 years ago, but THIS IS NEW. OMG. I'm so excited to finally get to this point!

Please enjoy the slow burn romance and let me know your thoughts. I really want to know how the relationship-building is coming across. Or if you have a favorite part or quote, please share so I know what I'm doing right. If I could improve something, let me know that, too. x3

Chapter 5: Finally

It had been four days. Four long, excruciating days.

Suzaku sighed into his borrowed textbook. No matter what he did, it all came back to—

"—Lelou?"

Straightening up, Suzaku glanced at Shirley, who was hovering over his desk. "Uh, what?" Suzaku asked, feeling warmth creep up his neck. When had class ended for the day?

"Suzaku, is everything okay between you and Lelou?" Shirley repeated herself, twisting her hands with nervousness. "It's just that—you're avoiding him." She blushed and scrunched her eyes shut, squeaking, "I'm sorry, it's none of my business!" in embarrassment. Starting to turn from side to side, she said in a small voice, "It's just…Lelou does nothing but stare at you."

And you do nothing but stare at him, Suzaku mentally filled in. "Lelouch and I are fine," Suzaku said guardedly. I can't tell Shirley that Lelouch kissed me! She'd fall apart. "We're still friends," Suzaku said loudly, watching from the corner of his eye how an obviously eavesdropping Lelouch flinched at that statement.

Shirley's eyes popped open and she breathed a pronounced sigh of relief. "Oh good," she chirped. "I was just a little worried. I'm glad to hear things are okay."

"Sure are," Suzaku said, forcing a laugh. It was killing him inside. Lelouch started to walk towards them, and Suzaku hurriedly said, "But I gotta get going now. I have work today." Without another glance in Lelouch's direction, Suzaku hightailed it out of the classroom. He couldn't keep this up for long, and sooner or later, more people besides Shirley would start asking questions.

"Suzaku?" Cecile sported a puzzled expression as she stared at Suzaku. She hurriedly glanced at the calendar before looking back at him. "You do know you have the afternoon off today, right?" she reminded gently. "Lloyd and I are still analyzing the data from yesterday's run."

With a brisk nod, Suzaku climbed the steps to one of the raised laboratory platforms. "I know, but there's nothing else for me to do," he said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. "There must be something I can help with."

Cecile frowned. "It's not good to coop yourself up in here," she said, ignoring his offer. She stopped typing on her computer program and rolled her chair back, tilting her head at Suzaku as she prodded, "Don't you want to spend time with your friends on the Student Council?"

Suzaku winced, struck by the remembrance of piercing violet eyes. "Ah, n-no," he answered quickly, licking his dry lips. "I mean!" he backtracked, knowing he sounded suspicious but unable to keep from digging his hole deeper, "We're not really planning any major school events, so I don't have to be there or anything." He mentally crossed his fingers, knowing Milly always had some scheme up her sleeve. It was worth the lies to keep away from Lelouch.

"Even so," Cecile pressed while she worked on her research, "it's good to be with friends. You're still young; you should enjoy yourself."

"I enjoy helping here," Suzaku answered quickly, forcing a bright smile to his lips. It hurt when it felt like there was nothing left to smile about. His hands shook at the memory of Lelouch's abandonment, so he quickly stuffed them in his uniform pockets. He'd had a constant stomachache ever since Lelouch had left him on the roof. "So," he said, inwardly cringing at how scratchy his voice suddenly sounded, "what can I do?" It was then he was aware of the familiar stinging behind his eyes, becoming all the more pronounced as his mind replayed the rooftop scene unbidden—until all he could see was Lelouch's retreating back, again and again and again.

I can't stop thinking about him. I need to distract myself.

Cecile's frown deepened as she moved over to Suzaku and worriedly felt his forehead. "You're burning up," she fretted. "Ever since you came home soaked four days ago, you've seemed a little sick. Now your throat sounds sore," she said with a concerned sigh. "I warned you not to push yourself with the Lancelot, and now you're making yourself worse. Honestly, Suzaku, what will it take for you to watch out for yourself?"

Suzaku trembled under her hand. She thought he was sick; did heartache count as genuine illness?

"Come on," Cecile urged. "I'll put you to bed so you can get better." Seeing Suzaku's mouth open in protest, she hurriedly said, "That's the best way you can help: by focusing on your health. And don't argue with me!" she warned sternly, her tone backed by almost-motherly warmth. True to her word, she guided him down the stairs to the base floor, through the lab and hallways, and into his military-issued dormitory. Along the way, Cecile fussed about how glazed Suzaku's eyes looked, how pink his cheeks were flushed, and how congested he was with the occasional sniffle.

Great, Suzaku groaned, she's reading too much into this and then leaving me alone to rest, and I won't be able to distract myself from… Him. Lelouch's captivating violet eyes and windblown black hair, Lelouch's mouth pressed sweetly against his, thunder in the background, Lelouch's kiss again, and again, and again…

A groan slipped past Suzaku's lips, and Cecile paused at the tortured sound. Turning to look fully at Suzaku, she saw him transfixed by himself in the mirror.

Suzaku shivered; with his reflection mimicking him, it was like he was shaking twice as hard. His insides twisted at the sight of himself—reduced to a ghost of his former self, and wasn't that a feat when he wasn't much to begin with? There were dark bags under his eyes from sleepless nights, and his brown hair stuck up every which way. His skin had lost some of its color, even though his cheeks were burning. His army uniform seemed looser on his solid frame. And the expression etched on his face…

He squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to look at himself anymore, and when he opened them he saw Lelouch's face in the mirror instead of his own. Unconsciously, he leaned closer, mesmerized by those deep purple eyes. "Lelouch," Suzaku mouthed silently. He blinked, and suddenly he was seeing himself again, far too close for his own liking. Yelping, Suzaku shut his eyes, stumbled back, and fell against Cecile. He grunted and pressed the heels of his hands hard against his burning eyes, forcing himself to take deep breaths. Opening one eye, he chanced a look up at the mirror and frowned. Lelouch was just in his head. Always.

"Are you all right?" Cecile asked, steering him towards his cot. "You need to rest. I told you that you've been working too hard lately. Piloting isn't everything." She pushed him down on his bed, with a force Suzaku would not have expected from her. "Can I get you anything?"

Suzaku gaped at her. "You're too kind," he mumbled. If you only knew… He couldn't bring himself to tell Lloyd and Cecile what had happened. He was so ashamed of how he'd acted—clinging to Lelouch so desperately, overstepping his boundaries, daring to love a royal Britannian prince… No, Suzaku had decided, no one else would know about this. Besides, what could he possibly say? That the boy he was utterly and hopelessly in love with kept sending him mixed signals, and that his weak little heart couldn't take the pressure? Cecile might be the nicest person he could ever work with, but even she could never understand.

Sighing, Cecile swept his bangs out of his eyes—just a comforting gesture. "Suzaku," she said quietly. "If something is bothering you, I hope you know you can always talk to us. Lloyd might be insensitive sometimes, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care for you. And I will always be there for you as well." She waited to see if Suzaku would speak, and when it became apparent he wouldn't, she went on, "If there's nothing I can get you right now, then I'll be back to check on you in a little bit." With one last soft smile, she left Suzaku to his healing.

As soon as she left, as if given permission to brood and cry, Suzaku gathered his knees in his arms and warbled, "I love him. Still. What is the matter with me?!" In the privacy of his dorm, after four days of actively trying to forget, Suzaku gave himself over to the pain and anger. His walls were suffocating him, caging his anguish. The memory of being left alone on that dismal rooftop was stark and clear, and the sharp sense of betrayal he felt at Lelouch's departure was muffled only by confusion. Why had Lelouch kissed him like that—and then left? What made Lelouch keep changing his mind? Did he even want a relationship with his boyhood friend?

Suzaku knew he'd only find the answers once he faced Lelouch, but that was something he couldn't bring himself to do just yet. Normally courageous, Suzaku found himself too terrified to act this time—scared of discovering that Lelouch really didn't want to be with him after all. He'd acted multiple times in the recent past, putting himself out there, and it had gotten to the point that it just wasn't worth the resulting heartache time-after-time. There had been regret on Lelouch's face as he'd left, but was it regret over kissing Suzaku in the first place or regret over having to leave in the middle of it? Suzaku felt that his hopes had already been snatched from his fingertips too many times to count, and he bitterly reminded himself that he deserved nothing less. Paranoia set in, and Suzaku's frame shook harder as he imagined the worst. Brilliant as Lelouch was, perhaps he'd discovered the truth behind Kururugi Genbu's death. Maybe Lelouch didn't mind dating an Eleven, but he'd have good reason to mind dating a murderer.

Suzaku choked on his dry sobs and fell over on his side, still holding his knees close to his chest. It felt like there was a Knightmare in his chest, attacking his already-weakened heart with slash harkens. The last time he'd allowed himself to cry over Lelouch had been four days ago…

Rain pelted Suzaku at an angle, driven by the harsh wind. His Ashford uniform clung to him like a second skin, and Suzaku bitterly mused that at least one of his skins looked Britannian. Tears of frustration welled in his eyes and spilled over to mix with the icy rain splattering the rooftop. His teeth chattered in the freezing cold, but he felt so detached from himself he barely noticed. Lightning flashed, and but a second later, booming thunder shook the roof. The storm had seemed to break over him, and Suzaku knew it was dangerous to be up so high and exposed. He was sure that the storm of emotions in his heart was a worthy competitor for the tempest whipping around him outside, but he was unsure which was more threatening to his wellbeing. Not that he cared.

Lelouch had left over an hour ago, but Suzaku couldn't bring himself to move. Would Lelouch come back, or had it all been a cruel joke? Or perhaps a mistake? They'd been so close! Even without Lelouch there, Suzaku felt trapped and rooted by his lingering presence. After all, the roof was Lelouch's top territory. Even though it hurt to be there, it was in a way comforting, too. Suzaku's hope that Lelouch would return to him dwindled as time went on, and only when the storm had passed into darkness did Suzaku numbly peel himself away from the slippery railing and make his way back to headquarters. By the time he crossed the street, he'd resolved to forget Lelouch. When he came across Lloyd and Cecile, he wasn't crying.

Suzaku's heart dropped. "Wh-what?" he asked, leaning closer to Milly. He carefully kept his gaze from certain other members of the Council, though it took so much willpower that he almost missed her repeated announcement.

"We're going to have our Student Council meetings at lunch this month!" Milly exclaimed with a feisty cheer. She waggled a finger in front of Suzaku's nose, making him go cross-eyed as he tried to focus. "Ah-ah-ah! You're not the only one disappearing. We're missing too many members at the end of the day, so if we meet during lunch then everyone can contribute! We're gonna see how it goes this month and take it from there." She jumped and twirled, her skirt flying in the air around her (Rivalz got a nosebleed), pumping a fist of victory in the air at her genius. "No more skipping out on Council duties 'cause of work!" Milly admonished him, then turned on Lelouch with a sinister smile. "And you…you have no excuse, so you'd better be there at lunch or I'm saving the entire budget for you!" Without waiting for an affirmative, Milly moved to grab Shirley by the arm. "And now you can keep up with the Council while still winning your swim meets!"

Shirley beamed. "Thanks, Madame Pres! You're the best!"

Milly grinned wickedly, acknowledging the praise with a dark little giggle, and dropped Shirley to haul both Lelouch and Suzaku to her chest. Rivalz whimpered at the unfair treatment, clearly envious of how both the other Council boys had their faces pressed into the upper swells of Milly Ashford's breasts. Milly continued cackling, the uproarious laughter causing her boobs to jiggle. Arthur flattened his ears at the booming noise.

Suzaku blushed—though more because he was eye-to-eye with the object of his affection (and torment) than because of the very-female breast cushioning his face. Lelouch was gazing at him so intensely from two tits over, and Suzaku's breath hitched at the emotions reflected in those violet irises.

"I'm not letting you two run away this time!" Milly said, tugging both boys a little closer. "You have a lot to make up to me!"

Gulping, Suzaku nodded. He wanted to scream the same words at Lelouch, but even though they were closer than they'd been in days—separated only by a fraction of female body—he knew it wasn't the time or place.

Abruptly, Milly released them and stepped back; they both went stumbling—straight into each other. Their foreheads bumped, and that brief painful touch was enough to send Suzaku fleeing.

But of course the escape was futile. Lelouch's words followed him down the hallway, heavy with doom and promise: "See you at lunch, Suzaku!"

Zero robotically signed off on Tamaki's monetary request for prostitutes.

Ongoing plans were left hanging.

The Black Knights came to a standstill.

"Why don't you use your Geass on him?"

His face drawn tight with anxiety, Lelouch whirled around. "Never!" he answered vehemently, slamming his fist on the desk. Pointedly turning his back on his immortal accomplice, he reached for his cell phone and scrolled through his contacts list; his muscles relaxed once black highlighted Kururugi Suzaku's name on the screen. Lelouch had already left innumerable voicemails for Suzaku, but so far every single one had been ignored. It made Lelouch's blood boil to the point where he wanted to throw his phone at the wall; that was certainly how Suzaku must have felt that day on the roof...

Making that connection didn't help him feel better.

"Do you think it wise to become so obsessive of this boy?" The deadpan voice issued from his bed, and Lelouch stilled his finger before pressing the 'call' button. He tensed again in his chair as C.C. continued, "It doesn't really concern me—unless your involvement with Kururugi keeps you from fulfilling our contract." C.C.'s words had a hint of disguised warning in them, and Lelouch slammed a fist on his desk again, making his laptop rattle; his plans for the Black Knights flickered on the screen.

Lelouch finally narrowed his eyes in C.C.'s direction. She was right; he had to honor their agreement. "You don't have to worry," he said curtly, dropping the phone. "I won't forget." With a forlorn sigh, he saved his files and exited them, finally closing his laptop with a snap. He couldn't focus on the Black Knights now, not with Suzaku tugging at his thoughts.

Golden eyes blinked languidly at Lelouch from over the top of a Cheese-kun plushie. "I won't tear you away from your lover boy," C.C. offered, a small little smile curling her lip. Lightly she tacked on, "Not yet, anyway."

Lelouch stiffened, but he had learned not to ask questions to which there would be no answers.

C.C. stared at Lelouch. "Why?" she asked, genuine puzzlement lacing her tone. At the his inquiring glance, she elaborated, "Why won't you use your Geass?"

Letting out a heavy sigh, Lelouch turned a bit more in his chair. "Because it's Suzaku," he stressed. "I won't force him to be with me. He has to decide of his own free will."

Raising an eyebrow, C.C. prompted, "You're recycling your reasoning; that same reckoning is why you won't force him to join Zero."

"It's the same concept," Lelouch explained. "I won't have him if it's not what he wants." Frustrated, he kneaded his forehead. His mind replayed the light in Suzaku's eyes, the way his friend so eagerly responded to his advances on the roof. It might have been his imagination, but Lelouch could still taste a hint of Suzaku on his lips. "But that's a problem too because he does want me, I know he does, but he just won't let me in." He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

"And why is that?"

Lelouch opened his eyes and lifted his chin. "Why is what?" he asked warily.

C.C. let out a dramatic sigh, as if she was dealing with a child, and prompted, "Why is he avoiding you?"

Brow furrowing, Lelouch tapped his fingers against his closed laptop. "I don't know," he said at last. "I know I must have hurt him by leaving, but even so, Suzaku would never run from a confrontation." A corner of his lip turned up in a sardonic smile. "He sought them out when he was a child." A memory of flying fists and snide remarks assaulted him, and he almost missed his companion's remark.

"Ah, but people change." C.C.'s tone was wistful. "Change is the essence of humanity."

"Suzaku has changed," Lelouch admitted. "But he's still no coward."

C.C. quirked an eyebrow. "Then what is he?"

"Difficult."

C.C. shifted and sat up, holding Cheese-kun to her chest. "Then why not use your Geass to nudge him along?" she persisted.

Lelouch gave her one of his patented looks. "I already explained why. I will not base a relationship on manipulation and control."

With a glance of slight wondering, C.C. said, "You love him."

At her vocalized insight, Lelouch suddenly found his bedroom window to be absolutely fascinating. The dying rays of sun fell serenely on a couple potted plants, personally grown in the Student Council garden before being transferred to his windowsill. There was nothing of interest beyond the windowpane, but Lelouch still felt compelled to stare at the fading sunset.

"I see," C.C. mused. "All those girls after you, and you go and fall for the enemy soldier."

Lelouch pursed his lips. "Your comments are unhelpful as always." He hesitated a second before ordering, "You need to leave." Something unpleasant rolled in his stomach, and he was surprised to find it was a minor case of guilt.

Tilting her head, C.C. blinked at him again. "Because I'm saying things that hurt your pride?"

"Because you're saying things that are none of your business!" Lelouch corrected harshly, and then amended, "But more so because it isn't safe for you to stay here." He slid to his feet and marched over to his bed, moved to clutch C.C. roughly by the shoulders. "If—when—Suzaku becomes a bigger part of my life, then there'll be no room here for you to hide." They'd already gotten lucky that one morning when Lelouch had doctored Suzaku's wound after the Black Knights' debut; it was best not to push it. He stared intensely into golden amber eyes, his gaze piercing, and repeated, "You cannot stay with me."

C.C. snorted in his face, raising an eyebrow. "It would inconvenience me to leave simply because you can't control your hormones." She held up a hand, obviously anticipating his angered whining. "But I suppose I can sleep in another room in the Clubhouse."

Lelouch looked to the side. "You can't," he said immediately. "Someone might see you. The Student Council isn't the only group that meets here; the Culture Club—"

Rolling over on the bed, freeing herself easily from his grip, C.C. advised unconcernedly, "Make up your mind." She looked back at him over her shoulder, her arms still wrapped around her damned Pizza Hut prize. "Do you want to cover your tracks or do you want some privacy with that soldier from Shinjuku?"

"Both!" Lelouch snapped, greedily wishing for the most, the best. He glared down at her sprawled form on the mattress. "Things are getting too complicated for you to stay here."

C.C. sighed and flicked her eyes away from his, disinterested. "So selfish," she said. "I have nowhere else to go," she said simply. "And besides, I'm your accomplice now. We're bound together until our agreement is finalized." She stretched and yawned, her muscles rippling under her white straitjacket; Lelouch carefully averted his gaze. C.C. rolled back on her side, facing away from him. "Good night, Lelouch."

Sufficiently nettled, Lelouch gaped at her. "…It's barely nighttime." A minute shrug of white-clad shoulders was his only response. "You can't—we need to figure out what to do. You're my accomplice. So get off your lazy ass and do something, witch!" Lelouch ordered. He reached out again, but C.C. only shrugged off his hand.

"There's nothing in our contract that says I have to help you figure out your gay love life," C.C. reminded him. "It's your problem; you figure it out."

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose, frustration bubbling in his blood. His lungs were getting a good workout from all the coached deep breathing he was doing. "Right now, you're my problem." He abruptly turned his back on her, his fists clenched at his sides. "I never invited you here in the first place."

"You know you'd miss me," C.C. said, and she sounded almost sweet.

Heaving a sigh, Lelouch compromised, "I'll even find somewhere for you to stay. Lazy witch."

C.C. snorted. "I refuse to be stuffed in your closet—or under your bed." One time had obviously been one time too many. A couple lifeless chuckles escaped her. "As much as I support you, I don't want to see you and your soldier boy getting close."

Lelouch willed the blood to leave his face. "Shut up, witch!" he hissed. "I would never—no, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to send you to the Black Knights Headquarters." He smirked, pleased that he'd found a solution. "There's space for you in my private rooms."

"There's one problem with that," C.C. reminded him. "Your pawns don't know about me yet." She rolled onto her stomach. "And besides," she said glibly, "I like it here." She kicked her feet in the air, back and forth and back again.

"Do you have to be so difficult?" he demanded.

"Do you have to ask?" she countered. She looked him square in the eye. "What about using your Geass?"

Lelouch Lamperouge (vi Britannia) was no stranger to frustration and annoyance. However, rarely did those emotions stem from being denied—especially since he acquired his Geass—and especially not by Kururugi Suzaku (overlooking the whole Britannian military issue, of course). Pale fingers drummed impatiently on the Student Council conference table, his eyes narrowing as Nina, Milly, Rivalz, Shirley, and even Kallen made their way into the meeting room come lunchtime. Lelouch had taken it upon himself to skip his before-lunch class, just so he could arrive early and—hopefully—snag a few moments alone with his idiotic lover-to-be.

Suzaku would be his. Lelouch had already put Suzaku in check.

Only…he hadn't thought Suzaku would run away. Lelouch's forehead crinkled. Why is he making me chase him? He groaned under his breath, the confusion augmenting his frustration. Hadn't he put himself on the line enough? Suzaku, of all people, would know how hard it had been for Lelouch, to open up as he had—to initiate a kiss. Lelouch shook himself out of it before the hazy remembrance could envelop him completely. His gaze sharpened, and he promised himself, "With a few more moves, I'll have him in checkmate. He won't be able to run from me anymore."

"Who are you talking about?" Milly nosily interrupted, leaning a little too far into Lelouch's personal space.

She comes out of nowhere! Lelouch inwardly grumbled, recoiling from Milly's invasion. His lips thinned as he realized he'd spoken aloud before, and he hastily said, "No one, Madame Pres." He beamed up at her with a fake but apparently convincing smile, enough so she backed off with a pout.

"I will find out, sooner or later," Milly promised, and Lelouch shivered.

Rivalz rolled his neck until he was looking at the pair. Making puppy-eyes, he simpered, "Aw man, you've got another new opponent? And you didn't tell me?"

Lelouch tilted his head with a put-on sheepish smile. "Sorry. I didn't think you'd go for this sort of thing. Not really your style." But thanks for the out, Rivalz. Ignoring his friend's spurts of protest, Lelouch swept his gaze over the room. Milly was ignoring Rivalz's hurt and pleading expression—and really, those eyes were always for her benefit anyway—while Nina typed away at her ever-present computer, while Kallen hid a yawn beneath her hand, and while Shirley dangled string in front of Arthur. Where is he? Lelouch screamed silently.

It was safe to say he was at his wit's end.

It had been five days since he'd left Suzaku on the rooftop, dragged away by his duties as Zero. It had been five days since he'd made up his mind to pursue a relationship with his childhood friend. It had been five days since he had been able to relax and enjoy himself, caught by Suzaku's lips under a rolling thundercloud. And it had been five days of trying to talk to Suzaku, of signaling him with his shirt collar to meet on the roof so he could explain himself, and being blocked at every turn.

It was Shirley who blocked his vision now, standing between him and the door, with her hands on her hips. "Lelou, I really wish you'd stop gambling! You promised!"

The door slid open, and Suzaku slipped inside. His apologetic smile faltered as his eyes clashed with Lelouch's, and he stopped mid-bow at Nina's fearful and scandalized gasp at his cultural greeting. "Sorry," he mumbled with a shrug. "Habit."

Lelouch's gaze stayed locked on Suzaku as he sat down at the opposite end of the table. Still addressing Shirley, Lelouch soothed, "Don't worry. I always keep my promises." A tiny prickle of satisfaction coursed through him as Suzaku jumped in his seat, obviously understanding that Lelouch's words were meant for him and him alone.

"That's a wrap!" Milly called, closing her Student Council business notebook with a snap. "Good job, everyone! I really think this lunchtime meeting is helping us get everything done."

Lelouch snorted. "You can't tell that after only two days, Madame President."

"GUTS!" Milly yelled, grabbing the nearest pile of paperwork—which so happened to be the one Suzaku was arranging by class—and used it to bang her vice president's head. The papers went flying, and everyone in the room stopped to stare at a hard day's work demolished. "Oops," Milly said, a little guiltily, and then frivolously waved her hand. "Lelouch and Suzaku can take care of this. Everyone else can go to afternoon classes."

Suzaku's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head, and Lelouch stifled a sigh at how apprehensive the other boy still was of him. Was talking this out really so hard and frightening?

"It'll be okay," Shirley comforted. "We'll tell the teachers what happened." She evidently attributed Suzaku's near-panic to missing class.

"Why me?" Suzaku asked weakly.

Before Milly could interject, Lelouch seized his chance, earning Suzaku's direct attention for the first time in too-many days. "Because it's your stack of paperwork that's all over the floor now."

Suzaku gaped at him, and even though his expression was incredulous, Lelouch's heart soared because Suzaku was finally—finally—looking at him.

"That's right," Milly declared. "And I'm leaving Lelouch to help since he dared to question me." She winked at the two duty-laden boys. "Really, Suzaku, you should be gracious of my kindness."

Suzaku leapt to his feet in quick desperation. "I am! But honestly, Le-Lelouch can go on to class. I don't mind. It was my fault anyway."

A slim eyebrow rose over Lelouch's left eye. "Your fault?" he demanded quietly, icily. Suzaku was turned away again, predictably so, but Lelouch plowed on. "Nothing is your fault." Green eyes snapped back to his for an instant, and Lelouch took courage from that brief contact. He rose gracefully to his feet and stepped nearer the other teen, stopping when Suzaku stiffened from much-too-close proximity. "Stop blaming yourself," Lelouch said softly, the undercurrent of meaning clear through his tone. His words were punctuated by the sliding door, already separating them from the rest of the world as the other Council members left unnoticed.

Suzaku bent over to gather some loose papers, and Arthur's ears perked at him from beneath the table. "I don't know what else to think," he finally forced out, knowing the real topic of discussion was what happened a week ago. It sounded like there was something jagged caught in his throat.

Lelouch frowned pointedly, his heart twisting. "It wasn't you," he insisted, stepping even closer. "You need to let me explain. We can figure things out from there."

"I don't want to listen to your excuses," Suzaku choked out, shooting Lelouch an angry scowl. His eyes were dark, shiny-green. He spun around and slammed his hands flat on the conference table; Arthur scuttled from beneath as the wood shuddered. "Lelouch, I would rather be Synclair Worth's punching bag for a decade than have another afternoon like seven days ago." His voice trembled, and his gaze was fixed on the wood grain under his fingers.

Anything so he won't have to look at me, Lelouch figured. He winced. But at least he is finally opening up. Suzaku's confession processed, and Lelouch felt his chest constrict just a little tighter. It wasn't all bad! "I really have hurt you that bad, haven't I?" Lelouch said regretfully. He swept Arthur into his arms and offered him to Suzaku, using the cat as a sort of perverse impromptu peace offering. Arthur snarled at Suzaku's questing hand, and Suzaku retreated even farther from the action. Lelouch was quick to drop the cat after that and, ignoring Arthur's hiss, followed his crush with a soft but unyielding, "Look, Suzaku, I'm sorry for that. I've been trying to tell you this whole time that I—" He paused, swallowing thickly. "Anyway, I already apologized. I've been trying to for days."

Suzaku sucked in a breath, his eyes softening. "Lelouch…"

"I didn't want to leave you," Lelouch murmured raggedly. "I still don't." He reached out to tenderly cup Suzaku's face, hoping Suzaku could read his sincerity.

Suzaku seemed to melt at the confession—before tearing himself away and retreating to the other side of the table. His voice was strained as he bit out, "Stop it, Lelouch. I can't trust—after all the jerking around—" He broke off abruptly, covering his eyes.

Immediately, Lelouch's heart twisted further. Oh, Suzaku. He started to follow and reach out his hand, then pulled back before he made contact with Suzaku's shoulder. His fingers ended up in a fist over his left breast, and it was a little harder to breathe. I've broken him this time. I'm no better than Britannia! Dismayed and humbled, Lelouch cleared his throat. "I didn't mean—"

"And now you're going to give me empty promises," Suzaku predicted, still hiding his face. His shoulders trembled. "You're going to give me hope that there can be something between us after all, and then you're going to snatch it away and retreat behind your walls. Like my feelings for you are some kind of sick joke or—or g-game…"

Lelouch gasped sharply, frozen in shock. I don't think that at all. How can I get through to you?

Working himself up, Suzaku finally lifted his face free from his hands. Angry tears still glittered in his eyes as his voice cracked raw around the words: "You don't get to toy with me, Lelouch. I'm not just some chess piece you can manipulate; I'm a human being." Suzaku hesitated for a split second, losing some of his resolve, before he finished reprovingly, "I thought you were the only person in this school who understood that." He turned his head again, unable to meet Lelouch's eyes.

Ouch, that stung. But at least he is finally talking and sticking up for himself now. That's a step in the right direction. Flinching at the slew of accusations finally spilling from Suzaku's mouth, Lelouch admitted wryly, "I guess I deserved that."

"You think?" Suzaku shot back bitterly.

With a rueful smile, Lelouch slid into a seat and tugged Suzaku down next to him; he didn't release his friend's hand. I'm not letting you run away this time. "I know you're upset," Lelouch acknowledged, "but you're not the only one hurting."

Suzaku snatched his appendage from Lelouch's skin as if burned. "Stop pretending that you give a damn. And more than that, stop acting like you're the victim here, Lelouch, because the last time I checked, you were the one turning your back on us!"

Lelouch gaped at him, for once struggling to get the words out. Suzaku's on a roll. I don't know whether to be proud or upset. He felt both regardless. Finally, licking his lips, he bowed his head and muttered, "You're wrong."

"Of course I am. You always have to be right," Suzaku pointed out scathingly. He reached down for some stray papers and scooted his chair farther away from Lelouch's spot. "Look, I really don't want to have this conversation anymore, Lelouch," he said, voice like steel. "To be honest, I'm having a really hard time even looking at you right now." He started to organize papers, paused, reconsidered, and gathered himself through forced words, "Of course, we can still be civil when we have to work together."

Lelouch roughly dragged his hands across his eyes. "So that's it, then?" he pressed. "I've listened to you, but you're not going to let me explain my side?" You need to know it wasn't on purpose! Irritation drained from his face. This is my fault. I made him like this. He took another deep breath. "There are things I need to tell you, and we both owe it to each other to figure things out." Arthur yowled his agreement.

"Right," Suzaku agreed sarcastically. "You mean like earlier?" Before Lelouch could answer, Suzaku continued in a faux-pleasant tone, "And what will it be this time—another phone call or a forgotten appointment that interrupts us?" His papers ripped from the amount of pressure he was exerting on them, and Suzaku growled.

Lelouch could relate to his frustration; it felt like everything kept breaking around them. Shaking his head, a somber expression pinching his face, Lelouch said, "Nothing will get in our way—"

"Save it for someone who cares," Suzaku cut in, shutting his eyes in a clear, desperate attempt to block the tears and keep up with his strong façade; it was a futile effort, however, since Lelouch could see straight through him. "Stop pretending you know me so well!" He held a hand up, palm out in Lelouch's direction. "I already told you that I don't want to hear it." His heart was thumping so loud that Lelouch could hear the lie.

"I do know you, Suzaku," Lelouch stressed. "You do care or you wouldn't be here!" He leaned in closer to the other boy. We still have a chance if you'd just listen for once!

Suzaku leaned away, but he didn't bolt from his chair. Progress.

"So stop lying to me," Lelouch argued. "Stop lying to yourself." His gaze grew more determined, and he lifted his hand again; Suzaku turned abruptly away, smoothly evading pale fingers.

"I can't," Suzaku said. One tear spilled over. "This is the only way I can…" His breath hitched, and switching focus, he begged, "Can't we just forget it ever happened?"

There was horror tinged with anguish, anger, and disbelief in Lelouch's chest at the suggestion. "No! I never meant to hurt you," he said, a bit brokenly. "I understand why you'd think—but no, you're wrong. You need to listen to me." Before Suzaku could protest again, Lelouch reached over and shushed him with a pale index finger against his lips. Surprisingly enough, Suzaku stilled at the contact. Rushing to take advantage of the opportunity, Lelouch emphasized, "You're not a chess piece to me, Suzaku. You never were. What happened on the roof was a misunderstanding, and I admit I handled it poorly." He stopped to take a breath. I never acknowledge my mistakes so openly, so surely he has to realize how serious I am about him?

Suzaku blinked, but he at least seemed to be listening instead of fighting. He was slowly coming around.

Lelouch inwardly smirked. Checkmate. "Kissing you wasn't a mistake," he clarified, starting to trace Suzaku's lips with his conveniently placed finger. As Suzaku jerked slightly at the motion but didn't pull away, Lelouch confessed, "To be honest, I've wanted to kiss you for a while now." He deliberately flicked his hooded gaze between his best friend's eyes and mouth. They looked as tempting as ever. "I never wanted to leave you. Something important came up at the last minute there, but I should have made sure you knew where I stood before leaving. I know I hurt you. You must have felt so betrayed, so confused... Rejected. And again, I'm sorry." I never apologize either. The things I do for this boy!

Nodding, Suzaku opened his mouth, but no sounds came out as Lelouch leaned in and gently rested their foreheads together. His free hand moved to brush through brown curls at the base of Suzaku's neck, and Suzaku's hands lifted uncertainly to rest on Lelouch's shoulders. Suzaku finally sighed and let his eyelids flutter shut, giving in to the peaceful cocoon that was slowly replacing the awkward tension and anger. At long last, he whispered searchingly, "So you do want to do this?"

"Yes." Lelouch's immediate answer was just as hushed and sacred. His hand slid slowly down from Suzaku's lips to rest over his left breast.

Heart thumping wildly beneath Lelouch's hand, Suzaku questioned, "And you mean it this time?" He opened his eyes to gauge Lelouch's sincerity.

With a genuine smile on his face, Lelouch nodded against him. "I always meant it," he answered lowly—huskily.

Suzaku dropped his head against Lelouch's shoulder, burying his face in the crook of a pale neck as he started to shake. Lelouch's arms were around him then, holding him tenderly, keeping him in one piece. Suzaku returned the embrace wholeheartedly, letting Lelouch support and steady him. "I'm sorry, too," he croaked, his tears wetting Lelouch's skin. "I made things worse by ignoring you. By not listening."

Shrugging, Lelouch only tucked Suzaku closer. "You needed time to process," he realized aloud. "Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you before you were ready."

"I understand you just wanted to m-make things right between us again," Suzaku acknowledged around a stifled hiccup. He grasped Lelouch's shoulders even tighter, as if he'd never let go. "If you still want...I'm...I'm ready now."

"Suzaku," Lelouch said again, and Suzaku seemed surprised at the emotion contained in those three syllables—the sounds of his name. Lelouch stood and drew Suzaku to him purposefully, bringing the lengths of their bodies into close contact. They both sighed at the sparks skittering down their spines, at the tingles emanating from wherever they were pressed intimately together—at the immense relief that they were once again on the same page, where they belonged. Lelouch just knew that Suzaku felt what he felt, and he was never wrong.

Pressing closer, Suzaku lifted his head. Green eyes searched Lelouch's for any hint of trickery, but must have found only true warmth and affection. Relaxing even more, he started to back Lelouch up against a wall until he had him pinned.

Lelouch guided him slowly out of view of the windows, stopping once they were hidden from the public behind Arthur's cat tree—so he could press a hard kiss to Suzaku's lips. He pulled back rather quickly, hesitant in this newness, and Suzaku swayed as Lelouch seductively invited, "Stay for dinner?"

Suzaku's hands were sweating as he sat on the couch—in the same seat he'd taken after his first dinner at the Lamperouge suite, all those weeks ago, when the feelings he had for his best friend were just beginning to grow into something special. He nervously wiped his palms on his pants. Of course 'staying for dinner' didn't mean just dinner. He almost jumped out of his skin when Lelouch sank gracefully onto the cushion next to him, sidling so close their sides pressed intimately together. Suzaku inhaled sharply, focusing dizzily on the heat seeping into his body from where he was snug against the other boy. He felt Lelouch against him every time he breathed.

"I'm glad you're here," Lelouch said softly. He reached for Suzaku's hand, but Suzaku quickly pulled it away.

"Don't," Suzaku warned. "It's—"

"—sweaty?" Lelouch finished for him, catching hold of Suzaku's hand regardless. He squeezed the tan appendage extra tight, looking Suzaku straight in the eye. "I don't mind," he said firmly. The slight grimace on his face belied his words, but the conviction in his eyes was clear to read. "I'll live," Lelouch amended with dry humor, shifting so his body leaned further into Suzaku's. "Besides," he continued, "I'm going to have to contend with worse once this relationship progresses."

Both boys immediately blushed at the forwardness of Lelouch's words, but neither released the other's hand.

Suzaku looked up, caught Lelouch's eye, and hurriedly looked away. His face was burning and it felt like time was moving in both slow motion and fast forward. Nervous tingles swept over his body from head to toe, and he had to remind himself that this was really happening. Lelouch had referenced their 'relationship,' and they were sitting together, holding hands on the couch. Suzaku shivered. His spine was straight and locked in place, and the pounding in his ears matched the thrumming of his heart. Lelouch's home looked the same as always, but it felt different today—alien somehow.

Being near Lelouch felt different too, and not entirely in the good way.

For a fleeting moment, Suzaku wondered if he had made a mistake. He'd finally gotten what he'd wanted, so why did it feel so damn awkward? This was Lelouch! Suzaku wanted nothing more than to bury his face in his hands and scream out his frustration, but he had no privacy. Also one of his hands was still grasped securely by Lelouch's, so that would be rather difficult. "What now?" he whispered, his throat dry and scratchy. The world felt perilously close to toppling in on itself at the sound of his voice.

Lelouch shifted uneasily, and Suzaku relaxed somewhat at the revelation that Lelouch was just as nervous and uncomfortable. Shrugging slightly, Lelouch looked at Suzaku out his peripheral vision. "Talk?" he suggested. "Practice?"

"Practice what?" Suzaku asked, feeling his face grow even hotter. Lelouch's cheeks, too, were as pink as they'd ever been, and Suzaku's doubts melted away at the sudden urge to discover whatever else made the refined prince so undone.

Lelouch cleared his throat and glanced up at the ceiling. "You know," he said vaguely. He gestured wildly with his free hand, then stared at Suzaku with an expectant look.

Suzaku laughed, the sound too loud in his own ears. "…You know I have no idea what all that was supposed to mean, right?" he asked.

"You don't?" Lelouch asked blandly. He tilted his chin down and stared hard at the floor, carefully avoiding Suzaku's eyes. His fingers flexed in Suzaku's hold. Taking a deep breath, he released it and sank back into the cushions. "Stop being an idiot," he ordered gently, his low voice still directed at the floor. "You're the one person in the world who can read me so well. Considering the situation we're in, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what I meant. Put it together."

Embarrassment washed over Suzaku at the implications, and he hurriedly followed Lelouch's gaze. He swallowed thickly and hastily said, "In the meantime, let's have that talk." He squirmed, feeling the blood rush to his head. Doubts and fears ran rampant through his mind, but they were suppressed by the overwhelming euphoria that Lelouch had said yes. He couldn't compare the feeling to anything he'd experienced before. Glancing up, Suzaku squared his jaw and stared at the side of his best friend's face. "Why did you leave me on the roof last week? I'll listen to anything you have to say."

Lelouch visibly flinched. "I told you. I…had something to take care of," he responded shortly. "It was important."

Suzaku pursed his lips in a disbelieving frown. Waited. Waited some more. "That's it?" he asked finally, unimpressed. Righteous anger coursed through him. "That's your whole explanation? That's not an answer at all!" He turned his body more so it faced Lelouch. "If we're going to do…this," Suzaku said, waving his hand around—in a much less elaborate way than Lelouch had earlier—"then you have to give me something more."

"You should trust me," Lelouch countered, looking to the side instead of into Suzaku's eyes. "There are some things I have to keep to myself, Suzaku. I know there are things in your life you don't want me prying into, so please give me that same respect." He lifted his head, purple eyes heavy with gravity.

Suzaku gulped, knowing Lelouch's words to be true. His father's dying scream echoed in his head, and Suzaku nodded without really considering his options. "Of course, Lelouch. But at the same time…" He fidgeted again and finally caught his friend's eye. "I still need more of an explanation. I deserve to know." A heavy sigh escaped his lips. "You should trust me with some of your secrets. We are best friends, after all."

Lelouch chuckled, and though Suzaku had heard him laugh often enough before, this time it sent a thrill down his spine. His expression caught between a smirk and a smile, Lelouch overly-innocently asked, "We are?" He squeezed Suzaku's hand in his and said, "I was more under the impression that we were boyfriends now."

Suzaku knew it was a distractive maneuver, but he honestly couldn't help it. His heart was beating so fast and his head was swimming. A pleasant heat swept over him, and before he knew what he was doing, he'd already leaned in and lightly caught Lelouch's lips with his. His eyes opened wide once he'd realized what he'd done, and he pulled back with a quiet mumble of, "I'm sor—" but was quickly silenced as Lelouch followed him back, reconnecting their lips so firmly that Suzaku fell backwards on the couch. Lelouch's lean body automatically followed suit, and Suzaku's mind spun with the fact that his best friend—his boyfriend—was lying on top of him on the couch, kissing him, holding his face, kissing him harder…

Suzaku couldn't help it. He moaned.

Lelouch pulled back, panting heavily. "You've…nothing to…apologize for," he chastened between puffs of air. The silence enclosing them lost some of its chill bite. Violet eyes pierced Suzaku's with devotion, and Lelouch offered, "I received a phone call the other day that I had to take. It was about something you wouldn't approve of, but nothing you need to worry about. I know what I'm doing." He took another deep breath, clearly trying to get himself under control. "It involves other people, so there's not much I can tell you without betraying their trust. Really, Suzaku, I wish I could tell you more, but I can't. I don't know what else to say."

"Huh?" Suzaku groaned, his head still fuzzy from Lelouch's touch. His mind snapped back into gear, and he speedily processed his boyfriend's explanation. He says he can't, but at least he's trying to give me something more. His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "This is about your gambling, isn't it?" he pressed, voice sour but still hoping that was true. It was better than the alternative his mind kept tossing around—like maybe Lelouch being caught up in the Black Knights or something similar…

Lelouch shrugged, a superior smirk adorning his face. "You caught me," he admitted freely. "But I can't tell you more than that."

Suzaku gritted his teeth, despite the slight ease of worry that swept through him at Lelouch's admission. I'm being paranoid. It was freeing to rid himself of his suspicions, but at the same time… "I don't like this."

Lelouch looked to the side. "I'm not asking you to. Trust me, Suzaku, the less you know, the happier you'll be." Leaning down, he laid his head on Suzaku's shoulder, his breath steadily fanning Suzaku's neck. "It truly was an important call. I never would have left you otherwise," he said softly, his mouth angled towards Suzaku's ear.

Wrapping his arms snugly around his new boyfriend, Suzaku sighed and wondered, More important than me—than us? The elegant sitting room had no answers. Suzaku was on his own, and his gut cried—"All right. I see that's the best I'm going to get." He hugged Lelouch closer. It wasn't enough, but at least they were moving forward. Suzaku's breath caught, and before he could help himself, he begged, "Do you really mean it, though, that you want this—me?" His insecurities truly cropped up at the worst times. He shivered, and he knew Lelouch felt it above him. "I mean, you're not going to change your mind again, are you?" There was a desperate, pleading note in his voice, and Suzaku cringed at the sound.

Lelouch pushed himself up on his elbows and stared down at Suzaku's face. "I promise," he said, his words laced with sincerity, "and I swear I'll prove it." He swept dark hair out of his eyes as he explained, "At first, I thought it wasn't a good idea. You and me. But I always wanted it to happen, and even if it's not the smartest decision I've made, it's one I'll never regret."

"What? Not the smartest…" Suzaku's face scrunched with hurt. He felt shattered.

A warm smile graced Lelouch's lips as he elaborated, "What I mean is, when you think about it, you and I don't seem like we would work. There are so many complications. But when it comes down to it, and it took me some time to realize this, the feelings I have for you are strong enough to overcome any obstacles." Tracing slender, pale digits down Suzaku's cheek, Lelouch clutched the other boy's chin and lowered himself down for another kiss.

Suzaku moaned happily in the back of his throat as he let his lips be captured, Lelouch's name leaving his mouth in a satisfied little sigh. Suzaku's heart was reassembling itself yet again, quicker than before after all the recent hits it had been subjected to lately. His eyes widened with delight at the emotion in his boyfriend's confession, and his cheeks warmed up again. Tilting his head further into the other boy's touch, Suzaku reciprocated Lelouch's affection. His hands clenched in the fabric of Lelouch's uniform, and his pulse raced each time Lelouch's lips moved differently against his. Suzaku lost track of time, so caught up in the feeling of his boyfriend's kisses, made sweeter by the mere fact that this was Lelouch initiating things again, and Suzaku felt his heart soar higher with each new kiss. Automatically, the locked words finally tumbled free from his tongue amidst kisses—"I love you, Lelouch"—and Lelouch stopped short, pulling back just far enough to read Suzaku's eyes.

"I know," Lelouch said softly. He cupped Suzaku's cheek with his hand, his thumb gently tracing Suzaku's kiss-swollen lips. "Just as you must know how I feel about you."

Suzaku's breath caught. "I—" His eyelids fluttered closed, and he just let himself revel in Lelouch's weight atop him. Relief surged through him that Lelouch hadn't turned away at such a heavy confession, highlighted by disappointment that, despite the positive reaction, Lelouch hadn't returned the sentiment. "I want to hear you say it," Suzaku appealed, a bit demandingly. Lelouch owed him, dammit. He felt Lelouch adjust his position above him, and then he felt warm breath hitting his sensitive earlobe.

"So difficult," Lelouch teased before consenting. His words meant for Suzaku alone, he confessed, "I love you, too. Aishiteru, Kururugi Suzaku." The world spun, shone, synchronized with romantic bliss. Pulling back, he scoffed, "As if that wasn't obvious by now."

Not even Lelouch's sarcasm could spoil this moment for Suzaku, especially after the meaningful Japanese love confession. Opening his eyes, he saw his boyfriend's usual smirk in place, but there was something soft around the edges that drew Suzaku's attention. He leaned up and kissed that smirk right off Lelouch's face.

They'd been kissing on and off for over an hour, punctuating lip locks with questions and consent and cuddling and nuzzling and sweet nothings—which in Lelouch's case sounded oddly enough like chess metaphors.

("I've captured you at last, Suzaku, my main piece. Together we'll sweep the board."

"I'm not a chess piece, Lelouch, remember?"

"Oh, not even in this context?"

"Ugh, okay, fine. Go ahead. It was sweet…for you.")

It was awkward but exhilarating and Lelouch never, ever wanted it to stop.

"I never thought you'd be so…affectionate," Suzaku mused as Lelouch pressed his face gently into his new boyfriend's neck, dropping dry kisses here and there.

Eyes wide, Lelouch pulled back. Embarrassment and a tinge of shame made him hot all over, and he flinched like he'd been cornered. Clearing his throat, he offered, "I can stop if it bothers you."

Suzaku shook his head right away, smiling reassuringly up at him. "No, I like it. I just wasn't expecting it from you, Mr. Ice Prince."

Lelouch immediately raised an eyebrow at the nickname, and he chuckled sardonically. "I suppose I do have that reputation, don't I? But," and here he stopped, reaching out to cup Suzaku's face in his palm before continuing, "it's different with you." He and Suzaku had always had a close comradery that sometimes resulted in simple affection—intentionally brushing up against each other, leaning on one another, resting heads on each other's shoulders, and just generally being all up in each other's business where outsiders weren't allowed. It simply made logical sense to Lelouch that their displays of affection would grow and change as they entered into a more romantic relationship.

"Yeah, but it just doesn't seem like you," Suzaku explained with a mild shrug. He leaned into Lelouch's tender touch. "I'm not complaining, though."

Frowning, Lelouch mumbled, "I thought I was supposed to…" Isn't that how this relationship deal works?

Suzaku's brow furrowed at that and he protested, "Lelouch, you don't have to do anything. You don't need to overcompensate to be my boyfriend. Just be yourself. That's who I'm here for."

Lelouch blinked rapidly as he processed that.

"I know you're normally reserved," Suzaku added. "I don't want you changing yourself for me." His face turned pleading.

Shaking his head, Lelouch felt his cheeks heat up. The embarrassment grew stronger as he admitted, "It's true that normally I'm not one for casual touching. But, alone with you, like this, there's the fact that I…well, I…" As what usually happened around Suzaku, Lelouch forgot how to master language, even as his thoughts were racing. I can't believe it either, but I like it. You feel so safe and amazing.

Suzaku raised an expectant eyebrow.

Lelouch coughed and looked at the wall before saying in a rush, "I admit it. I enjoy it, okay? I don't get to do this with anyone else. I mean, I've never wanted this with anyone else. Just you. I really, really want this with you, Suzaku." Gathering his resolve, he explained further in slightly slowed-down speech, "I trust you enough to let loose with you. That is, there's never been anyone else I've felt comfortable letting my guard down around to engage in this kind of affection..." Trailing off, he swept a hand through his hair, glancing at Suzaku's eyes briefly before finishing, "Anyway, we're boyfriends now, which gives us a little more freedom with what we can do together—if you're okay with that—and I just want to satisfy this need and keep touching you, Suzaku, in any way I can." As soon as he said the words, he blanched and followed up with, "Oh, wait, that came out perverted and disturbing. Let me rephrase that. Um…"

Suzaku gaped at him throughout Lelouch's typical speech-length answer, mouth falling open. "Le…louch…" he said. "I understand what you mean. Yeah, I'm comfortable. I said I liked it. And, I like getting to see a side of you that you don't show anyone else." He shivered. Color rose in his cheeks as he confessed, "It…it feels good when you touch me…"

Lelouch breathed a sigh of relief, feeling his heart race at Suzaku's words. He felt better knowing Suzaku seemed to be just as uncomfortable with the awkward parts of re-defining their relationship. Smirking outwardly to showcase his control, he concluded, "Then I'll have to keep touching you so we both stay satisfied."

Jerking a little, Suzaku's green eyes darkened with want. "Lelouch," he said, his voice hushed.

"It feels good…when you touch me, too," Lelouch shared, fidgeting a little on top of Suzaku. It was easier to say that out loud since Suzaku had said it first. "I…I like it…when you're affectionate with me…" He felt more ashamed, as if he was throwing away his masculinity to admit something of that nature. But he did enjoy when Suzaku kissed him, or nuzzled his ear, or stroked his face. It felt damn nice being cherished in such a manner, almost like it was filling in a hole he hadn't known existed since his mother had died. He still would never allow such intimate touches from anyone else, but Lelouch's heart soared since it was Suzaku.

Then Suzaku smiled up at him non-judgmentally, eyes twinkling with a happiness that had been absent for far too long, in Lelouch's opinion. Lifting his chin, Suzaku chuckled and promised, "Okay, then I'll keep touching you in return. That'll be easy. I've always been a more tactile person and I've wanted to be closer to you for the longest time. I'll take any chance I can to jump on that." He brushed his fingers up Lelouch's cheek and behind his ear, following the curve of his pale jaw back down.

Lelouch shivered at the touch, excitement bubbling up at the loving caress. It almost tickled. It was funny how doing a motion to himself didn't cause a single reaction, but when Suzaku did the same motion, suddenly his body generated all kinds of tingles. "Good," Lelouch replied. "I expected you to be touchy-feely, so I'm glad you're confirming my predictions." Life was good when Lelouch found himself proven right. He leaned down to catch his boyfriend's lips with his, holding Suzaku's face firmly but tenderly in his hands.

Thus started another round of kissing, nuzzling, and chess-related sweet nothings. ("Come occupy my square.") They were a bit more open than at first, having pushed through their first awkward discussion about something they liked.

"How long do we…do this for…?" panted Suzaku after awhile, staring red-faced at Lelouch.

Lelouch cocked his head and pulled back. "However long we want," he guessed. "Are you already tired of kissing?"

"Never!" Suzaku exclaimed. "I just…wasn't sure how it all…" He shrugged. "You know, worked."

Lelouch's lips creased in a smile. "You're worrying too much about the technicalities, Suzaku," he pointed out, artfully ignoring how he'd just had the exact same problem. "It's just you and me, like always." He nimbly swept the back of his fingers along Suzaku's cheek. It was endearing how flustered Suzaku had become, and Lelouch relished the power he held over the other boy.

Suzaku shook his head, kindly not calling Lelouch out but still insisting, "It's not like 'always.' And the fact that it's you, Lelouch, makes it a big deal!" Green eyes were stretched wide and frantic.

Lelouch's eyes rolled upward. Case in point. "You're the one making it a big deal," Lelouch pointed out. He let out an exasperated sigh, then cut his newly-established boyfriend off with a kiss. He froze, feeling something wet poke at his slightly puckered lips, and was Suzaku's mouth open? Lelouch pulled away to stare wide-eyed at the boy below him. "What are you doing?"

Suzaku blinked up at him and countered, "Now who's making a big deal out of things?"

Lelouch shook his head, his black hair swinging from the motion. "This is different. Was that your tongue?" He felt dizzy at the thought of Suzaku's tongue in his mouth.

"Well," and here Suzaku looked a little unsure of himself, "yes." A new light entered his eyes. His jaw locked determinedly and he stared at Lelouch sprawled across his chest. "That's part of how boyfriends kiss."

Both teens blushed a little harder.

"It felt weird," Lelouch admitted. He ran his fingers through his hair and glanced to the side, feeling his heart rate pick up now that he was thinking about doing things with Suzaku. Even for him, it was easier in this situation to bury himself in action, to just kiss his childhood friend and not think about kissing his childhood friend because it felt too surreal.

"Weird," Suzaku agreed, "but bad?"

Lelouch looked at Suzaku's earnest face. "I'm not sure," he said cautiously. "Let's try it again, and then I'll let you know."

Suzaku nodded and pulled Lelouch down, slipping his tongue into Lelouch's waiting cavern. One hand slid around to cup Lelouch's nape, to hold him close and position his head for easier access. Lelouch was trembling something fierce in Suzaku's arms, and Suzaku's lips curved up in a possessive smile around both their tongues as they started to lightly massage each other.

It's not that bad, Lelouch concluded. His tongue is a little rough, not what I'd have expected. He shifted and sighed, letting himself slump over his boyfriend's form. I could get used to this. He jerked as his boyfriend's tongue twined around his, and his thoughts were reduced to—oh!

Suzaku sighed pleasantly beneath him and retracted his tongue, turning his head to the side to gently break their contact. His green eyes were bright and glassy as they stared up at Lelouch. "Better?" he asked softly, his voice warm and heady.

Numbly, Lelouch nodded. "It felt…nice," he said, a little shyly and inelegantly. The entire process had lasted less than ten seconds.

Blinking, Suzaku tilted his head on the couch cushion. His eyes narrowed playfully as he promised, "I'll do better than 'nice' next time."

"Now?" Lelouch asked hopefully, then blushed at his eagerness. He didn't want Suzaku to think him uncool or impatient. It felt odd, caring about another person's opinion of him so deeply. He calmed as he reminded himself that this was Suzaku, and his normal rules didn't apply.

But Suzaku just laughed lightly, completely open-minded. "If you want," he replied, just as quickly, just as keenly. Hungry excitement washed over his expression.

Lelouch nodded jerkily, feeling his stomach clench with nerves and anticipation. Taking the initiative, he rushed to press his lips to Suzaku's. He opened his mouth immediately without being prodded—and froze. What do I do now? he panicked internally. Do I stick my tongue in his mouth first this time or wait for him to start it again? What does he want me to do? Should I slide my tongue back and forth against his or try that twining trick he used on me? If he did it, does that mean that's what he likes and expects me to do from now on? There are so many more possibilities with open-mouth kissing. I need to be ready. His breathing accelerated as he stiffened further, clumsily mashing his face against his new boyfriend's. He's not doing anything. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe he's waiting on me. But how can I plan my moves in advance if I don't know what he's thinking? Surely there's some book or something that can tell me: What should I do?

After a long moment of waiting, Suzaku slowly pushed him back. "Lelouch," he said, voice and eyes both questioning and concerned. "You're so tense all of a sudden. What's wrong?"

Lelouch looked guiltily to the side, feeling his cheeks heat up worse than ever. "I just…" I don't know how to kiss and I don't know how to tell you. Who knew kissing was so hard? He wished someone had warned him—preferably a long time ago so he'd be more prepared for his current situation. How could he direct a ragtag group of frankly unskilled terrorists to win skirmishes against the mightiest empire in the world but not have mastered open-mouth kissing?

Suzaku watched him patiently.

Lelouch coughed self-consciously. "That is, I…" Suzaku, I really want to kiss you. I'll learn and then I'll kiss you forever once I know what to do.

Suzaku sighed and smoothly guided his boyfriend's face to look at him. "Lelouch," he said fondly, "I think I know what the problem is. You're thinking too much about your next move. This is kissing, not chess." With a warm chuckle, he advised, "Listen to your body. Follow your instincts."

"That's easy for you to say," Lelouch snapped defensively. He knew that Suzaku had done nothing but train and listen to his body for years. "You've always had killer instincts."

Suzaku flinched sharply at the words, a hard look entering his eyes.

At once, Lelouch softened. "I didn't mean—I just—"

"I get it," Suzaku said dully.

Lelouch frowned at his tone. He was so happy and into it a moment ago, and I ruined it. I guess I'm worse at this relationship thing than I thought I'd be. He was really disappointing himself lately. He hadn't been as tough as he'd wanted about killing Clovis and he kept royally screwing up with Suzaku. Sighing, he leaned down, bypassed his boyfriend's mouth, and pressed his face into Suzaku's shoulder.

Suzaku shifted his head but didn't say anything.

Shivering a bit, Lelouch clenched his eyes shut and mumbled, "Sorry." He must be breaking some kind of record with that word today; he'd certainly never needed it before like he seemed to with Suzaku: I'm sorry you got yourself shot for my sake in Shinjuku. I'm sorry you got arrested and tortured in my place for murdering Clovis. I'm sorry you almost died saving me from the bell tower. I'm sorry for sending you mixed signals about my feelings. I'm sorry for ditching you on the roof last week. I'm sorry for not knowing how to kiss. I'm sorry for always saying the wrong thing. I'm sorry I don't understand what I'm doing when it comes to you.

Suzaku leaned his head against Lelouch's and asked, voice thick, "Why are you sorry?"

Lelouch swallowed, sensing something was a bit off but going with the flow. He sighed, bracing himself to spit out, "I'm really bad at this." It was rare Lelouch ever thought poorly about himself, which made the feeling of inferiority much more acute and powerful. His hand curled tightly around Suzaku's shoulder, and he pressed his face harder into the one opposite. If he wasn't so stiff and desperate, he might even find it a comfortable cuddling position. Lowly, his words running together, he offered, "I'd understand if you wanted to break up with me."

"What?" Suzaku cried shrilly, embracing him tightly. "No, no, Lelouch! I love you. I've—we've—been waiting too long for this." He pressed a shy but imploring kiss into Lelouch's hair. "Please don't…"

Starting to relax, Lelouch almost melted into his boyfriend. "I love you, too," he said—freely for the first time, no sass attached. He responded with a quick kiss to Suzaku's shoulder underneath his cheek. "I don't want to lose you—especially this soon—but…"

"But you're backing out after all," Suzaku picked out, his voice cracking. "I should've known. Even though you just promised not to change your mind again."

Lelouch reared up and stared down at his boyfriend desperately. "I'm not changing my mind!" he said hurriedly. Suzaku's eyes were glistening with unshed tears; Lelouch's heart twisted. "But this isn't working. I can't even kiss you right!"

Suzaku's head snapped up, his face a mixture of incredulity and relief. "Wait, that's why you want to break up?"

"I said I don't want to!" Lelouch reiterated heatedly. "I'm just giving you an escape route if you need one. I still love you!"

"Prove it," Suzaku hissed in challenge, grabbing Lelouch's ears and yanking his head down for a frantic kiss.

Blood racing, Lelouch felt his brain shut down as he let himself get swept into Suzaku's touch. He didn't think as he opened his mouth and slipped his tongue into Suzaku's cavern. He mindlessly tilted his head in response to Suzaku's own head movements, pressing closer. His tongue brushed Suzaku's, hesitantly at first but growing more confident as he deliberately rubbed it back and forth against the other boy's. Burying his fingers in soft brown hair, Lelouch roughly dragged Suzaku up just enough to change the angle between them and kiss him deeper. His tongue explored everywhere, trying to map Suzaku's mouth—his teeth, his gums, the roof of his mouth; Lelouch was frustrated that he couldn't literally shove his tongue down Suzaku's throat because it wouldn't stretch that far. He still tried his hardest. His kisses were raw, uncalculated, and bordering on animalistic as he started thrusting his tongue in and out of Suzaku's mouth, catching the other boy's wet muscle and drawing it into his own mouth. Brazenly, he started suckling tight on Suzaku's tongue. I love you. I wasn't thinking. I'm not letting you go. For once it wasn't so much comprehensible thought as it was pure desperation and feeling that motivated his actions.

Breath hitching, Suzaku moaned into his mouth.

Lelouch opened his eyes slightly—when had they closed?—and stared straight into foggy forest green, half-mast and disorienting in their closeness. At the same time, it wasn't enough; it felt like nothing could ever be enough as he sucked like mad on Suzaku's tongue. His whole body was heating up. His heart was pounding and he sucked on his boyfriend in time to its rhythm. He couldn't remember ever feeling so energized. Keeping eye contact, he slowed down and finally let Suzaku's tongue slide wetly from between his lips.

"Wow, Lelouch," Suzaku gasped, fiercely trying to control his breathing. He looked completely disheveled under Lelouch.

"I didn't lie about my feelings," Lelouch said simply. "Was…was all that okay?" There was an uncommonly heard hesitancy lacing his tone, proving how out-of-depth he still felt concerning their evolving relationship. Would it ever get less awkward to discuss these physical intimacy topics with his (new, first, and only) boyfriend?

Suzaku nodded, cheeks rosy and eyes still glazed with pleasure. "I really liked it," he said, his voice breathy as he clutched Lelouch by the shoulders and shivered. "More," he demanded.

Smugly smirking, Lelouch dropped his head to press slightly creased lips to Suzaku's again. His next kisses were almost ticklish following his hot and heavy aggressive force from before as he lightly pressed and sucked on Suzaku's lips. His fingers fervidly massaged the other boy's scalp. Sighing, Lelouch nudged his boyfriend's lips open under his, just enough to dip his tongue inside and tease Suzaku's before pulling back. He playfully clamped his own lips shut as Suzaku tried to follow, denying him access so he could press hard, puckered kisses to his boyfriend's mouth instead. The pleasant, tingling warmth spreading through his body made him feel lazy and relaxed. Angling his head the other direction, he licked his way back into Suzaku's mouth and slid his tongue slowly and sensually against his partner's in an erotic kiss. He smiled around their tongues as Suzaku caught on and responded in kind. Letting the deep kiss linger, Lelouch kept his touch steamy and suggestive without falling prey to the lewd carnal desire that had enveloped him before.

Suzaku made soft, encouraging noises throughout Lelouch's ministrations, and he started to amorously rub the tips of Lelouch's ears between his fingers as he held Lelouch's head in place. He shifted underneath Lelouch and followed his lead, responding to every one of his wordless signals. Suzaku sighed in disappointment as Lelouch eventually pulled back, and his eyes were starry as they pierced his counterpart's. "I don't know what you're talking about," Suzaku said breathlessly. "You know how to kiss me perfectly."

Lelouch blushed at the blunt praise and stammered, "W-well, I hadn't planned…"

Lips curling up, Suzaku applauded, "See what happens when you stop thinking, live in the moment, and do what feels right?"

Blushing a little harder, Lelouch nodded. I wanted him so badly and my body took over. I kissed him senseless. I must be a natural after all. "Point proven."

"So was yours," Suzaku said. He sighed again. "Lelouch, since you really love me, are you still gonna…"

Lelouch shook his head, catching on easily. "No, Suzaku," he answered. "If you still want to be with me—"

"Yes!"

"—then I guess you're stuck with me." With a self-satisfied smile, Lelouch leaned down—and promptly bumped noses with Suzaku, who'd apparently had the same idea and was leaning up for a kiss. They pulled back, caught each other's eyes, and laughed at their blunder. "Let's try that again," Lelouch suggested, violet eyes twinkling, and slowed his approach to avoid another nasal collision. They laughed again when they both automatically tilted their heads in the same direction. "Okay, Suzaku, you go this way and I'll just—yes, like that." They'd learn to read each other better with practice.

Suzaku's eyes slipped shut as soon as they made contact. He returned Lelouch's eager kisses, pressing his lips against the older boy's with matching bruising force. He roughly drew Lelouch's bottom lip between his and sucked for a couple seconds before pulling away completely for air. During their oxygen-refueling break, green eyes burning into his, Suzaku asserted raggedly, "I really liked it when you sucked on my tongue, Lelouch. I want to do it to you. If that's something you're okay with?"

Lelouch lurched involuntarily, feeling a stab of want deep in his belly. Suzaku's words and tone made his pulse race and his blood flow south. Eyes narrowing in desire, he gave his boyfriend one swift nod before pressing close again. He thought he knew what to expect, but the sensation of Suzaku suckling on his tongue was unlike anything he'd anticipated; the tight heat in his stomach twisted stronger. His brain liquefied and melted out his ears. All mental activity ceased as he let out a muffled moan, long and low and deep, drowning out the slide of a door and the whir of a wheelchair.

"Brother?"

Lelouch abruptly tore himself from Suzaku and flailed, landing on the floor. "Nunnally!" he gasped, covering his wet and swollen lips with a shaking hand.

Nunnally rolled forward. "Are you hurt? I heard you—"

"No!" Lelouch answered in a near-shout, scrambling to his feet. With a deep breath, he regained some of his composure. "No, I'm quite all right." He glanced over to see Suzaku, still dazed on the couch, and the pleasant heat coiled tighter in his stomach at the sight of his boyfriend flushed, silently panting, and sexily mussed.

Nunnally's hands fluttered lightly on the armrests of her wheelchair. "Then why were you—?"

Lelouch looked to the side again, watching amusedly as the situation clicked in Suzaku's mind. Understanding was chased by embarrassment across tan Japanese features, and the Suzaku croaked, "Hi, Nunnally."

"Oh, Suzaku's here, too?" Nunnally asked, slight surprise in her voice.

Lelouch moved forward to grasp his sister's hand. "Yes. I invited him for dinner." Never mind that it was the middle of the afternoon and they were all obviously skipping class; Lelouch specialized in half-truths.

Clearly used to her brother's ways, Nunnally didn't question the unexpected company as she prepared for a routine hospital visit and waited for Sayoko to come back from shopping. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good. I've been worried about the two of you."

Suzaku jumped to his feet, his hands hurriedly smoothing out the wrinkles of his uniform. Nunnally might not be able to see how rumpled he and Lelouch looked, but where Nunnally was, Sayoko was sure to follow. "How come?" he asked, and Lelouch was impressed at how quickly he'd assumed control of his voice.

"You two have seemed so distant this past week," Nunnally replied. "It's unusual. I'm not the only one to notice, either." Before they could ask, she explained, "Milly and the others have been concerned, too. That's why Milly devised a plan to get you two speaking again." She giggled. "I'm glad it worked. Whatever was the matter, anyway?"

Lelouch's brain whirled to a stop. "Milly pulled one of her stunts to get us to make ou—up?" he repeated, catching his slip before his sister could process it.

"Yes!" Nunnally said happily. Without waiting for that idea to settle, she plunged forward. "Now, Brother, Suzaku, what in the world could have kept you two apart for so long? It's not like you at all."

Their eyes met in consideration, coming to a mutual decision sans words. Lelouch shivered. At least Suzaku understands. I won't lie to Nunnally—not about this. I won't be ashamed.

Suzaku coughed awkwardly into a fist and took the lead. "I was scared," he confessed. Nunnally opened her mouth to question that, but Suzaku surged on with all the courage of a soldier in battle. "I didn't think Lelouch loved me." Nunnally's jaw was still open, and it dropped a little lower as Suzaku added in the gentlest and most heartfelt voice he could muster, "At least not like I loved him." He sent a meaningful look in Lelouch's direction, and the warm glow in his eyes seemed to reel Lelouch closer until they were caught in each other's embrace.

"I don't—you mean—you two are," Nunnally spluttered, and then she composed herself. Her voice was still breathy, but she managed to ask, "Suzaku, you're in love with my brother?"

Suzaku beamed, and his tone was genuinely sincere as he answered, "With all my heart."

Nunnally's fingers twitched again. "And Lelouch," she prompted, "do you return Suzaku's feelings?"

Lelouch chuckled, a bit nervously. "I do," he answered simply.

"Then I give you my blessing," Nunnally said. "Congratulations! You two have always been so close," she repeated, "that somehow this doesn't surprise me."

Her brother took a tentative step towards her again, breaking loose of Suzaku's loving hold. "Are you really okay with this?" He wanted her to be sure. "If it makes you uncomfortable," he added, looking to his boyfriend with an apologetic expression, "then I won't pursue this. It's better if it ends before it begins." His hands clenched into fists as he amended to himself, But really I'd date him anyway, no matter how you felt. It would just turn into one more secret I'd keep from you for your own well-being. He swallowed heavily, still wanting his beloved sister's approval despite his back-up plan. No matter that she didn't know about it, Lelouch silently bargained, I'm making you a peaceful world, Nunnally. You can let me have Suzaku.

Speaking of said boyfriend, Suzaku appeared sucker-punched at the declaration, but he finally nodded in resignation. For Nunnally.

"Of course I'm okay with it!" Nunnally assured firmly. "Lelouch, I know how happy you two make each other. And I've always thought of Suzaku as another brother anyway." She smiled kindly. "You two together feels right."

"Like moving into checkmate," Lelouch agreed quietly. He shook his head at Suzaku's amused glance.

Suzaku raised his eyebrow at Lelouch's chess obsession, but he only said to Nunnally, "Thank you. I promise to uphold your trust. I'll never hurt Lelouch or let anything happen to him, and I'll take care of him al—" He was swiftly interrupted by his boyfriend's lips in a bruising kiss.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me," Lelouch reprimanded. "But if you're offering yourself, no strings attached, then I'll take that instead."

Their moment was broken into by more of Nunnally's giggles. "You two are adorable," she said. "Suzaku, I wouldn't be comfortable placing my brother in any hands but yours." A mischievous look rolled across her face and she teased, "Just don't be too rough with him. We both know Lelouch can't handle—"

"Hey!" Lelouch protested good-naturedly. Shaking the self-righteous annoyance off, he strode the rest of the way to his mirthful little sister. He bent and wrapped her in a tight hug, shifting only when Suzaku put his arms around the both of them. That Nunnally would not hate him or condemn him for this, that she was accepting and supportive of his fledgling relationship with Suzaku… "Thank you, little sister," he mumbled into her ear, and he would always deny the wetness in his eyes.