***This is all I'm posting for right now, but I'll probably look over the next section and post it eventually to turn this into Rustshipping***

I let myself hide in the feeling of our mouths. It felt good to take a break from thinking, to simply feel the comfort of another human body. I pulled away from Bakura when a thought entered my head. "How do we decide . . . you know. Who does what?"

Bakura frowned, thinking.

I remembered the coin Ryou gave me. I reached over to fetch it from my pocket. "Call it."

"Heads."

I flipped the coin. Bakura won. I clenched my teeth. Maybe I should have backed out while I had the chance. Bakura thought of some dumb plans, but this was stupid on an epic scale. Marik didn't care what we did. If he saw us it'd piss him off, but he was countries away and we were out of sight out of mind.

But something in me didn't want to stop.

I kissed him again.

Birthing required pain. Birth from a womb caused the mother pain. My birth came from Marik's pain. These re-births forced on us by the gods brought their own pain, but there was no one else to bear it with us, so we clung to each other.

"Be right back." Bakura pulled away and stood up. He walked towards the bathroom.

I watched him go. It was only the touch we needed, the warmth and closeness of another body, but I sure as hell wasn't going to suggest that we cuddled instead of fucked. Cuddling was worse than fucking – cuddling was emotional. At least we could pretend the sex was our immature revenge against Marik. We could pretend it didn't mean anything, that we were indifferent to the act.

Bakura returned with a bottle in his hand and a bemused look on his face. "There's a near empty box of condoms under his bathroom sink with this bottle of lube. Looks like my little host has grow up while I was away."

"I told you. He's Ryou." I ground my teeth. Not sure why, but it pissed me off when Bakura called him host, especially since Bakura still carried Ryou's name.

"Yes. Yes. Ryou. Habit's a bitch, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to hurry up and get this over with so I can go to sleep." I took the blankets and made a pallet. The floor was firm below my back. I watched Bakura pour lube on his hand.

"Should we use a condom?" I asked.

"Do you think you caught a disease in the eleven hours we've been alive?"

"Whatever, just get this over with." I wouldn't have been so nervous if I'd won the coin toss, but I didn't and my stomach was in knots.

A cold finger forced inside me and I bit the inside of my lip. So what? I told myself. I endured the tomb keeper's initiation. This was just sex, nothing I couldn't handle.

He added another finger. "Does it feel . . ." he struggled for words. "Good?"

I didn't fucking know. It felt like his fingers were moving inside me. Marik never repressed pleasant emotions, so how was I supposed to know what good felt like? My greatest pleasure in life was always inflicting suffering on others.

An awful thought dawned on me.

"Good" was how I felt when Ryou said goodnight and hugged me.

The thought sent a shiver down my spine that hooked into my groin. I closed my eyes, trying my damnedest not to get aroused by the thought of Ryou and to keep my mind anywhere else. Maybe Bakura was thinking about Marik, but that was different.

I didn't know why my fuckface, alternate self rejected Bakura, probably because he couldn't repress his shit into me anymore. Without me to protect him from his feelings, Marik wouldn't know how to handle his own emotions – especially his emotions towards Bakura.

But Ryou didn't feel about me the way Marik felt about Bakura, so I needed to stop thinking about him.

Even if the thought of kissing him caused Bakura's fingers in my ass to feel extraordinary.

But, still, no. I mean, I was a sick bastard, but even I had standards, and getting off on thoughts of the one person that ever treated me like a human was a line I wanted to stay away from. Instead, I forced myself into the moment and stared at Bakura. His body was sculpted like a statue of Anubis. I couldn't deny he was nice to look at with his platinum-white hair and gray eyes contrasting with skin a little darker than mine.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I grunted. He withdrew his fingers and covered his shaft and tip with lube, stroking the gel into his skin and working himself hard.

He and Marik had a weird sort of love for each other. Maybe not exactly a romantic love, but something deep and tempered by the very fires of Ra I rained down on them. I liked Ryou and Ryou was kind to me because he thought it'd keep me from becoming a mass murderer (he was probably right). But what did I feel about Bakura?

Companionship?

It was the only word I could think of. Odd as it was, fucking each other in an attempt to piss off Marik was going to make us friends. Not that I'd ever use the word friend out loud. I'd rather get my teeth pulled out with a wrench.

He entered and I gasped. I couldn't look at him anymore, so I turned my head and stared at Ryou's couch. He was going slow, breaking me in. The pain was mild, for me. I'd had much worse. He scooped in and up and I tried to keep my moan as quiet as possible so we didn't wake Ryou. Little grunts kept slipping out of his mouth. I didn't want to admit they were sexy, but they were. My eyes snuck back over to his chest. I avoided his eyes and focused on the rest of him. His muscles stretched taut across his chest, and a nice layer of sweat coated his skin. Breathing hard, I could feel the pressure gathering in the lower half of my body. The whole experience was . . . much more pleasant than I thought it would be.

I lay there and let him rock into me, finding myself relaxing with each new thrust. I had just figured out what good felt like all over again. It wasn't the same as hugging, but they were both definitely good sensations.

Bakura's hand reached for my erection and when he squeezed I had to smother my face with one of the pillows so I didn't scream. The more he stroked and the more he moved, the more that pressure built below my belly. I wrapped my legs around his waist and used the pillow to muffle all the weak, stupid sounds I couldn't help but make. This was so much nicer than I thought it'd be. All I could think was, Oh shit . . . oh shit. I never realized a body could feel so damn good. I laid there and tried to process (enjoy) everything happening, until the pressure in my loins reached a peak and I couldn't think anymore. I shivered as semen splattered onto my belly.

Bakura sighed as I finished. He let go of me and grabbed my legs, moving faster. I removed the pillow, the need for air overwhelming my need to hide. I tried to look at the couch again, but curiosity dragged my eyes towards Bakura. He made his own stupid, little noises and squeezed his eyes shut. Something seemed to break inside him and he leaned against my chest. His thrusts were savage and desperate as he coiled both his arms around my neck. The moment was so primal and raw that I found myself hooking my own arms around his back and gasping with him until I felt his warmth spilling into me as he climaxed.

We held each other a moment until both our heart rates slowed. Marik was an idiot. If he wasn't such a coward this moment would have been his. Bakura should be his – even I knew that and I was just a stupid shadow born from pain. I listened to his breathing as he fell asleep in my arms.

Once I delighted in seeing people weep and suffer, but I figured out since returning that I enjoyed suffering because I didn't have anything to compare it to. Today, when Ryou walked into Yugi's house and smiled at me like I was any other person, it was like dragging a toy mouse in front of a cat. I had to chase that feeling, being human. I had to pounce on it.

I caressed Bakura's back and hair. He slept, so I didn't have to worry about being teased for being sentimental. Marik forfeited this night just like he forfeited his game against the Pharaoh, but I was going to savor it like the greedy, selfish bastard I was.

When I found myself in Yugi's living room I wanted nothing else but to think. To decide who I was since I was no longer Marik. Laying in Ryou's living room – in Bakura's arms – I decided I wanted to try to have a normal life. I wanted to be human.

***End Part 1***