Chapter Nineteen

Rory had no control over her emotions at that moment. The overwhelming nature of everything that was going on in her life made it so that she could no more stop the tears currently cascading down her face than she could change the weather outside the diner. She felt like a fool, felt humiliated and ashamed, but still she continued to sit on the stool in the diner she had grown up in experiencing her breakdown in clear view of the town.

"Hey, hey, hey. Are you okay? Come here. Come this way," Jess, his tone betraying the fact that he found the situation a little awkward, came around the counter and to her side. He placed a hand gently on her back and slowly began to lead her towards the stairs that led upstairs, to the small apartment that Luke lived in. He settled her onto the worn, but still plush couch, wrapping a blanket around her, before he headed back downstairs to the restaurant below.

Rory assumed that he would leave her alone, let her cry herself out in the privacy of the apartment. Once she had her emotions under control, then she expected she would go back downstairs and rejoin him, and probably have to give some sort of explanation for her strange behaviour. However, Rory was only alone for about two minutes before Jess reappeared.

"Okay. I've closed up the shop for now. what can I do to help you?" Jess asked, walking quickly to her side. He stood there, a little awkwardly, obviously asking for a suggestion about what he was to do in this situation. Rory, as much as she wanted to, was unable to offer him such a suggestion. She didn't know what she needed in that moment, besides a good, long cry. Sometimes that was all that a person needed when the old became overwhelming; to just feel the emotions and process them that way.

"Yo-you di-di-didn't ne-need to do th-that," Rory stuttered out. It was the best she could do, absolve him of his obvious need to help and send him back to the diner where he could actually be useful. However, despite her somewhat incoherent prodding, Jess didn't leave. Eventually, he seemed to relax a little and accept the fact that Rory just needed to cry, and he took a seat in a chair across from her.

Having Jess relax made it a little easier for Rory to relax and eventually get control over herself. After about five minutes of bawling and snorting and generally looking and acting like a complete basket case, her tears finally began to slow. She didn't stop crying completely, but she got to a point where she could talk once again.

She took a deep breath before beginning her explanation, "I'm so sorry about that. I- I don't really know what came over me. It's just been a hard couple of weeks and today was the awful terrible appalling cherry on top of all of it. And something about the familiarity of Luke's and hearing you just set me off. Like I knew this was a safe place to completely lose my mind." She smiled up at Jess hoping that he understood some of the compliment she was trying to pay him. He was a safe space for her; she could cry in front of him and he wouldn't judge her for it or apparently, run immediately for the hills.

He remained stoic so Rory wasn't sure if he realised she was giving him a compliment, if he didn't care, or if he was too worried that any reaction on his part would set her off again.

"I should probably get going," Rory spoke after several seconds of fairly companionable silence. She still felt a little uncomfortable in Jess' presence after having so fully lost control of herself and really wanted to find her mom and console herself with the company if Lorelai Gilmore.

Jess nodded at Rory and stood, offering a hand to help steady her should she need it. Luckily, Rory had wrangled her emotions enough that she no longer needed support, physical or emotional, from Jess. She quickly walked down the stairs, into the empty restaurant and out onto the street.

Rory wandered the streets of Stars Hallow, not exactly aimlessly. She had a point, a destination. Eventually, she wanted to get to the Dragonfly Inn and her mother. She just wasn't concerned with getting their in a very direct manner. Stars Hallow had always been a safe place, a place where only good things happened. Rory figured, at it may not have been true but it was definitely her impression, that bad things only happened when she left Stars Hallow. When she went to Chilton, when she went to Yale, when she went to live with her grandparents in Hartford, those were the times when bad things happened. She had brought those bad things into Stars Hallow, but nothing bad ever started in Stars Hallow.

Because of that, Rory wanted to savour her moment, to soak in that sense of safety and security. She wanted to wander amongst that sense and make herself feel like everything, despite it seeming like it was falling apart, was going to be okay. She would find a way to stop Logan's afront, keep Ricky, and return to the state her life had been before she'd been given this story. It had been a life-changing story, Rory had recognized that fact in the moment, but she hadn't realised in just what ways it would change her life.

Finally, after about an hour of wandering, Rory finally made it to her mother's inn. It was the image of cute, comfortable, country inn. Perfection, in Rory's totally biased opinion. She walked up the steps and turned to the front desk, expecting to see either her mother, or her mother's long-time friend and college Michele, standing behind it. Instead, she was met with the cheerful face of a total stranger.

"Hello! Welcome to the Dragonfly. How can I help you today?" the chipper young woman asked, her voice almost annoyingly high pitched. Rory glowered at her for a moment before turning and heading into the inn. Aside from this stranger at the desk, everyone knew who Rory was and allowed her to wander around unaccosted. However, the strange felt that Rory obviously shouldn't be allowed to wander around and quickly came around the desk and began to slowly chase after her.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry. Only guests are permitted-" the young woman began to warn Rory off of her current course, but Rory had been through far too much to suffer fools and she quickly turned on the poor girl and gave her the most withering stair imaginable. She didn't say anything to the girl, just turned back on her heel and continued on her way.

The front desk girl whimpered a little but still kept close on Rory's heel. The young Gilmore wondered if something had happened that made this girl so persistent to keep Rory away from the guest and staff only areas. When Rory walked from the dining area into the kitchen, the girl let out an even louder whimper that had Rory turning back to her.

"You don't have to follow me. I know where I'm going and I promise I won't move a table or something," Rory spoke before turning into the kitchen. A smile broke across her face as she saw her mom, steaming cup of coffee in hand, talking animatedly to Sookie as the other woman prepped for the upcoming dinner time.

"Mom," Rory said, relief colouring her voice. Lorelai looked up from her coffee and concern crossed her visage as she took in Rory's face. Like a little girl, Rory rushed to her mom, embraced her tightly, and felt a few tears welling up in her eyes. Not wanting a repeat of Luke's, Rory forced herself to hold them back and just hugged her mother tighter.

"Rory! What is going on?" Lorelai asked. As Rory finally released her mother, Sookie appeared at her elbow and pushed a cup of coffee into her hands. Rory loved coming home; the people here knew her so well. The feeling of warmth enveloped Rory and gave her the strength to reveal to her mom the source of her strange behaviour.

"Logan found out about Ricky and is suing for full custody."

As soon as Lorelai found out about the flaming pile of shit that was Rory's life at the current moment, her mother went into crisis mode. Lorelai instructed Rory to come home, to come back to Stars Hallow at least for the time being. Rory, figuring that there were only two weeks left until Christmas break and Ricky was smart enough that missing two weeks wouldn't negatively impact anything, took him out of school and did just that. She returned to her childhood bedroom, Ricky sleeping on a trundle bed that Lorelai had bought a million years ago for Rory's half-sister.

It was a relief, returning to the small town where around every corner was a sense of comfort and not a terrible, awful surprise. For the first time in a quite a few weeks Rory felt like her feet were on solid ground. Her problems, as large and insurmountable as they'd seemed in New York now at least looked like something she could try to take on. They wouldn't be easy, but at least she could figure out a starting place for the climb.

Her story for the New York Times was the least of her worries. The quiet of Star's Hallow, Luke cooking her dinner, and her mother entertaining her son on the rare occasions he pulled his nose from a book all allowed Rory countless hours of time to write her exposé. Fueled by her anger and indignation, the story that would destroy not only Huntzberger Enterprises, but the reputation of Logan flowed easily.

Dealing with the lawsuit was a bigger problem, but Lorelai's calm, rationality allowed Rory to see the fact that, even when Logan proved that Ricky was his son, Rory was not a terrible mother and the most the courts would grant Logan was shared custody. Lorelai was convinced that he wouldn't even get primary custody as he hadn't spent any time with the boy in the last ten years. Luke was also surprisingly helpful in the conversation as he had been in exactly the same situation with his daughter April.

Their perspectives made this unpleasantness seem like something that Rory could take on and end up only minimally injured. Finally, Rory began feeling a little bit of the Christmas spirit. Maybe her life wasn't as shit-on-fire-y as she thought it was. Maybe these were all small blips that in a few years' time she'd be able to look back on and laugh. At least, that was the perspective Lane was trying to get Rory to see.

"Things will work out fine, they always do," Lane said as she sipped her wine. Rory gave her friend an incredulous look but didn't say anything. Instead, she sipped her wine as well and took in the chaos that surrounded her. It was Christmas Eve eve, December 23rd, and Lane's living room looked like a tornado had rampaged through a Christmas store. There were decorations, wrapped gifts, bits of left over wrapping paper, drumsticks and guitar picks, sports equipment, and random bits of clothing spread across every available surface.

Lane's twins were only a year and a bit older than Ricky and apparently going through a football, baseball, and soccer phase. Rory, whose son was so similar to her, found it a little odd that Lane's boys were so different to both their parents; Lane seemed to be at peace with the fact that neither Kwan nor Steve had a musical bone in their body but excelled at all their athletic endeavours.

"Yes well, that's easy for you to say. No one's trying to take away your boys," Rory finally responded. She wasn't in an argumentative mood, but her mind couldn't help but being contrary. This was such a big deal that Rory couldn't wave it away with platitudes and a belief that the universe was inherently good.

"Honestly," Lane spoke. She leaned forward and lowered her voice. "I don't know if I would mind that at the moment. A break from the all-Americans would be nice. Raising boys, and sporty boys on top of that, is so out of my depth." Lane then flitted her gaze towards the kitchen were her twin sons were hungrily emptying the fridge. Rory chuckled at her friend, but still felt a tightening in her chest. She wasn't out of her depth with Ricky, and she couldn't imagine her life without him in it. Logan couldn't win full custody; he just couldn't.