A/N: Hey hey. I'm back with a new chapter. This time with Izaya's past. I know I know I'm late but uni is hectic at the moment and my mind decided to go blank on me. Sorry but I'm here now with a new chapter !

Before you read it I just wanted to remind you all that there's a lot of inconsistent shits here but don't worry I really tried my best to straightened my facts and connect all the hints I gave away on the past chapter. Also you might read some inaccurate medical description here so please don't throw things at me as I'm not a medical student. I really did my best to do my research. Another one, Izaya really is out of character here. I'm sorry.

Warning: misspelled words, grammatical errors because I write, I edit, I post.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Without further ado!

"Because I don't have much time left back then" Izaya said to his son solemnly and with a downcasted eyes. The kid blinks his wide pink eyes in confusion. Izaya noticed Psyche's confusion and decided to tell the whole truth about his reason for leaving.

Ever since Izaya could remember he knows that his life are already counted, that someday he will die. Because he was born with a congenital heart disease and it was a severe case only a heart transplant can cure it. He doesn't understand any of it and he never tried to understand it but the only thing that he understand is that his parents were suffering because of it. His parents may always show him encouraging smile and give him a hopeful words every time he was treated but Izaya knows that on their closed room her mother was always crying, and blaming herself for his situation and her father trying to comfort her with the same hopeful words that they keep repeating to him and telling her that nothing was her fault but enough was enough. Izaya couldn't take it all. He doesn't want to see his parents suffer, doesn't want to hear his mother cry or his father being miserable that's when he have another heart attack that required him to have another surgery and to stay at the hospital again he decided to stop it all.

"What are you saying, Iza-kun?" Her mother asked in disbelief.

"I'm saying that we should stop getting me to the hospital every time I got an attack. It's useless." Izaya said with a steel conviction, looking at her mother's eyes. Her mother looks as if crying, not believing her son's word.

"But. Iza-kun" His mother tried to reason out but Izaya cut her off.

"Mom, please. I don't want to see you suffer anymore. It hurts me to hear you crying every night. It hurts me seeing you believing that I will get better. But it's useless. The doctor said that I will not get pass 20 right." Izaya said in a defeated voice. His parents looks dumbfounded they never expect their son to lose hope and it tear their heart.

"Iza-kun please listen to me. We still have hope. There's still a heart transplant. Please don't give up." her mother pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks as her husband, rubbing her back gently to comfort her. Izaya looks away from her mother.

"We are waiting for so long but there's still no heart donor and if ever I ever go through heart transplant procedure there's still a low chance that I will survive." Izaya reasoned out but his parents still insist for him to take a risk but Izaya doesn't want any of that so there's only one way for him to convinced them.

"Mom, Dad let's stop. I'm tired. I don't want to suffer anymore." He said in a weak voice that made his parents stop mid-sentence and look at him with shock and guilt filled eyes. Her mother burst into tears, sobbing painfully as she hug his beloved son, her father doing the same, tears streaming down his face.

"I'm sorry Iza-kun. I'm sorry." His mother apologized repeatedly. He could feel the burning at his eyes and later the warm liquid flowing his face as he let out a sob, hugging his mother, trying to seek out for comfort as guilt because of what he said to his parent and fear for dying envelops his whole body. 'Everything is for his parents. He doesn't want them to suffer anymore' was the thought that tried to comfort him.

Later on his parents decided to discharge him and to rest in their house. His parents were still skeptical about his decision but Izaya assured them that he was fine and he was already decided, making his parents agreed defeatedly.

"Iza-kun, do you want to go to school?" His mother asked him one day. Izaya turn away from his window to look at his mother in question.

"Yes?" He asked not sure. Her mother smile weakly.

"Go to school. I mean you never went to school right so I think that maybe you should try it and makes some good memories before you... before you d..die." The last word sound choked as she tried to not burst into tears. She still can't accept the fact that his baby boy were going to die before her. She still have many dreams for him and yet just because of a stupid complication it was all rob off to him.

Izaya stared at her mother for a minute before looking outside of the window again, seeing two guys his age wearing uniform and laughing to each other. Well the one who wears a glasses were laughing and the blond guy were scowling at his friend. Izaya then notice that the one who were wearing glasses was Shinra, he and Shinra knows each other since they were a kid. Shinra was his only friend. The two met when one day little Shinra saw little Izaya looking outside his window and with some childish curiosity Shinra befriended Izaya. Watching his friend and the guy with him Izaya feels a slight pang of envy. He never went to school because he's always home-schooled and his parents refused him to go at one because of his condition. He wants to experience it once. The feeling of going outside, the feeling of having friends to hang out and laugh with instead of just looking at his window and watching the people come and go. Izaya was deep in thought that he didn't notice that Shinra and the guy with him were looking up at Izaya as Shinra waved his hand, smiling at him while the other one was looking at him with raised eyebrow and when he do Izaya gave a slight nod and a small smile before looking way to turn to his mother again.

"W..will you let me?" Izaya asked carefully as if her mother will take the offer away. Her mother nodded with a slight smile and Izaya leap to his mother, hugging her tightly.

"Thank you!" He exclaimed. His mother hugged him back and with a fond yet sad, motherly voice she said,

"Of course. This is the only thing I can do for you to make you happy and live with no regrets."

And that's how he was walking to the hallway of Raijin Academy with Shinra taking him on a tour.

"So the reason why you're parents let you come to school is to let you experience before you die?" Shinra asked in a chirpy way but with a disapproving edge on his voice. Shinra knows Izaya's condition and he also know how critical can he be as he witnessed Izaya's attack once. Izaya only shrugged making Shinra shake his head.

"There's nothing we can do about it. No reasoning can change my mind. Just let me be Shinra." Izaya said with finality. Shinra sense that Izaya doesn't want to talk about it any further and decided to change the topic.

"Anyways. Do you still remember the kid I was telling you back then?" Shinra inquired making Izaya perk up. He remember it. Shinra always talks about that kid whenever he was visiting him and Izaya grows a mild interest at the boy as how Shinra describe him. Like a monster.

"That strong kid that lifted up a table, resulting to arm fracture? If I remember correctly his name was Shizu-chan right?" Izaya asked amusedly. Shinra nodded his head.

"Yeah! That kid. He's also studying here too and also my friend. I'll introduce you to him. Though don't call him that or else he might get angry." Shinra reprimanded but knowing Izaya he will do the opposite just to rile up the other. Sick or not he is a total asshole.

"Sure." Izaya answered with a glint in his eyes. He can't wait to see what type of human Shizu-chan. Will he make Izaya's last 2 years exciting and interesting?

And Izaya got his answer. Shizuo didn't just made his life exciting and interesting. Nope. He gave him more than just that. He made him want to live. The hopelessness he felt were replaced by an urge to continue living and it was all thanks to a certain blond monster.

Ever since he met Shizuo, Izaya forgets about his illness wherever he was with him. It's as if he was normal like any teenager. Even if he and Shizuo had always their usual cat and mouse Izaya doesn't have any attacks. He could feel his heart beating fast but it is not the excruciating and painful but instead it was exhilarating. He feels alive. Even his mother notice his change of mood and for the first time he saw his mother genuinely happy unlike the force smile he was used seeing on her. Izaya couldn't be more happy.

He was happy but it is not enough. He was not satisfied with how the thing with Shizu-chan is. He was craving for more, his attention, his everything. He want Shizu-chan to belong to him like how Izaya already belongs to Shizuo.

He is sick but not blind. He knows that Shizu-chan likes him as well. With the first time they introduced with each other he already comprehend that Shizu-chan is in denial. How did he know? Simple Izaya could read people like they're some open book. Years of nothing to do but to watch people come and go outside his window is a good practice. So one day during one of their daily tags Izaya cornered Shizuo , pinned down to be exact and then and there he confessed his feeling thought it sound more like he's declaring his obsession but who cares it is all the truth and Shizuo accepted his feelings.

The I like you's turn into I love you's.

Those months that he was with Shizuo was the best day of his life amd added to that he never did have any attack with those months and he thought that finally heaven had mercy on him but reality crushes to him like a bitch. One night he woke up with a crushing pain on his chest, he was writhing in pain on his bed, one hand clutching on his chest while the other were reaching at the alarm on top of his desk. This is not the first time Izaya had an attack at the middle of the night that's why he have an alarm that connected to his parents room but it is the first time that he had an attack that so much painful that he was in the brink of unconsciousness. Good thing his parents arrived immediately before he completely passed out.

When he woke up he was in the familiar hospital with the familiar beep of the machine that connected on his heart on the side of his bed and his mother was sleeping with her arms as her pillow on his side. He reach up to her mother, making the her flinch and looks up. Her bloodshot eyes widen when she saw her baby boy awake.

"Iza-kun!" His mother exclaimed hoarsely. When he saw her mother fully he could see the dry tear tracks on her face which makes Izaya purse his lip in guilt.

"What happen?" He asked weakly. His mother looks at him, her lips quivering and tears starting to form on her eyes.

"You were unconscious for a week." His mother said, tears falling. "I was so worried. I thought I'm gonna lose you." His mother sobbed pathetically. Izaya reach up and hug his mother.

"I'm sorry for making you worry, Mom." Was the only thing Izaya could say as his mother started to sob violently. Then Izaya realized that he was in coma for weeks that means it is also a week since Shizu-chan last heard of him. He was worried as well for sure. He will send a message later.

But later didn't happen as week turn to month. A month of not talking to Shizu-chan. Izaya is now frustrated for month he couldn't even give any explanation to Shizu-chan. But then what explanation would he give to his blond monster? It's not like he knows about his condition. Nope. He never told him anything. He kept it a secret for the reason that he don't want to worry about him nor make him suffer. It's alright that he's only the one who is suffering.

"Mrs. Orihara, Mr. Orihara can I talk to you?" The doctor started. They are at the hospital because of an attack. His parents nodded as the doctor started to walk to the door but Izaya's voice stop him on his track.

"Say it here. The thing that you need to tell to my parents. Please." Izaya said. He already had a vague feeling about it so why give him a sense of suspense. The doctor look at his parents to heed permission and his parents gave it to him. The doctor took a deep breath before steeling himself.

"I will cut it short. I'm afraid that Izaya-kun's condition are worsening. If he doesn't undergo to a heart plant surgery as soon as possible he may die before the two years mark we gave him." The doctor said with a grim expression. The room was quiet and the only sound that could be heard inside was the loud beep from the monitoring machine. No one speak as the Orihara's tried to process the doctor's words.

"Is that so. Thank you very much about it Doctor. We will think about it." His father finally said. The doctor open his mouth to speak and tried to convince them but with a one look from his mother the doctor understand it.

After the doctor left Izaya said something that shocked his parents and made them wept in joy.

"Mom, Dad. I want to live." Izaya said with tears streaming down his face. He doesn't want to die. He doesn't want to leave Shizu-chan and his parent and now that he experience everything he started to be afraid of death. He cried and cried as his parents hug him tightly. The three cried in each other arms, seeking comfort for the coming unknown.

"You will live Iza-kun. We're going to do everything just to let you live. So please don't ever lose hope again."

Next morning Izaya had a surprised visitor which is not a surprise actually. Shinra already knew about his heart illness but he was still glad that Shinra visited he could finally have some any news about his Shizu-chan.

"I'm glad you are still alive. You got me worried." Shizra greeted with his usual happy tone. Izaya snorted.

"Well I won't be alive that long though." Izaya said humorlessly. Shinra sighed and take a seat on the chair beside him. "So how's Shizu-chan." he asked making Shinra snort as well.

"You're not even going to ask how am I" Shinra exclaimed with a fake hurt tone. Izaya stare at him on deadpan.

"How are you? There happy. Now tell me how Shizu-chan is." Shinra laughed.

"Impatient as always." He continue to laugh for a second before going serious. "Not gonna lie. Shizuo-kun looks miserable." Shinra said grimly. "He was really worried about you that he started to think that you're done with him." Shinra laughed for a while before continuing "Izaya-kun why not just tell Shizuo-kun about all of this?" Izaya sighed.

"You know I can't. I don't want him to get mixed up with this. I don't want him to suffer." I don't want him to leave once he learn how pathetic I am. The last sentence were utter on the back of his mind. No need to tell Shinra about his insecurities. "Hey Shinra can I have a favor?" Shinra looks at him in disbelief he knows that it is not the whole truth but he let it go. Izaya was stubborn like a mule and nothing can change his mind once he set out for something.

"What is it" He asked defeatedly.

"I want you to take care Shizu-chan for me while I'm gone." Shinra frowns.

"Where are you going?"

"We're going to America next week." Izaya explained.

"Huh? For what?" Shinra asked in shock.

"For my surgery. The doctor said that it was better to do the heart transplant there." Shinra was speechless. It was all too soon. Of course he was glad that Izaya decided to continue the treatment but still it was so fast.

"You're leaving? You won't even tell Shizuo-kun anything. Do you have any idea how selfish it sound?" Shibra said sounding angry. Izaya didn't say any word. "Izaya-kun please don't do this Shizuo-kun needs explanation."

"I'm sorry Shinra. Please understand me. I'll promise when I get back I'll explain everything to him." Izaya pleaded

"Whatever do anything you like. But it is not fault if Shizuo-kun don't want you anymore when you get back." Shinra answered defeatedly. Stubborn asshole.

"Thank you very much. I owe you one."

Weeks have passed and tomorrow he will going to leave and so for Shizu-chan to not wait for him, because he knows that he only have a slim chance that he will survive. He lied. He lied instead of telling the truth.

He told him lie that will make Shizuo angry at him so that he won't have any false hope and wait for him in vain. It was painful for Izaya to see his love crying but he need to endure it. He need to do this even though it hurts.

He just hope that Shizuo will forgive him.

"And that's what happen." Izaya finished and look at Psyche with a sad smile. Psyche was listening to him intently and he could see from his eyes that he was trying to process everything and Izaya can't help but to feel nervous. What if Psyche won't believe him. Izaya was afraid for the answer. This is his only chance to know Psyche because he was sure that Shizu-chan would not let their son to come near him.

"So you didn't leave Papa because you don't like him anymore. You leave him because you are sick and doesn't want Papa to worry." Psyche confirmed making Izaya nod his head. Psyche frown cutely as he stare at his eyes. Psyche has the cutest eye color it was pink and oddly it suit him and his character.

"You're an idiot." Psyche finally said.

"Huh?" Izaya asked dumbfoundedly. For all the things Izaya expect Psyche to say this is not one of them. "Why?"

"Of course Papa will worry. He love you after all." Psyche said with a nod as if it explain everything which is true. Izaya started to chuckle and turn into a full blown laugh then a sob came out of his mouth

"Yes. I'm an idiot. I'm such an idiot. Idiot. Idiot. A selfish idiot" Izaya said through his tears. "Shinra was right from the start. I'm such an idiot. I've wasted 10 years. Those years that I should have been on your side but instead I choose to be selfish and hurt Shizu-chan then you. I'm sorry Psyche-chan. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Izaya repeatedly between sob and sniff he could feel the other customer was looking at them but he didn't paid them any mind. All he could think is to ask forgiveness to this innocent sweet child that he unknowingly neglect. A soft fabric touches his cheek and when he open his eyes again, he doesn't realized that he shut it, he saw Psyche reaching up to him with a soft smile, wiping his tears with his light pink handkerchief.

"I forgive you, Daddy." Psyche whisper in a sweet voice, eyes half close as he smile gently at his Daddy. Izaya clasp the hand that was wiping his tears and bring it to his cheek, pressing and squeezing tightly. Tears flowing again for different reason.

"Thank you."

'Do you still love Izaya, Papa' it was the question that keeps repeating in his mind and the question that he fully know what the answer is and Shizuo knows that Psyche already knows the answer as well. But the real question is that is he ready to trust Izaya again?

Those thought continue to circle to his mind to the point that he couldn't concentrate at work good thing that they didn't encounter any violent client or else Tom-san might get hurt.

"You're really deep in thought huh?" Tom asked making him snap out it. Shizuo turn to Tom feeling a little bit ashamed

"Ah yeah. Sorry." He apologized but Tom just wave him off. They just ended collecting debt and are on their way to the office when a lady on her fifties stop in front of them. Shizuo examine the lady in front of him with curious eyes. This lady give off a familiar aura and even his feature were some what familiar. The lady have his long jet black hair tied in a tight bun, her red rusty eyes that compliments her pale complexion looks sharp but despite of that the lady have a warm, gentle gaze. Shizuo couldn't pinpoint why she looks familiar.

"Are you Heiwajima Shizuo-san?" The lady asked snapping him out of his observation.

"Y..yeah. Why?" Shizuo asked defensively. He doesn't remember this lady and yet she know him.

"I just want to talk with you. I'm Orihara Kyoko. Izaya's mother." And it click why this lady looks familiar because this lady reminds him of Izaya then he frowns deeply. Why does Izaya's mother wanted to talk to him. More importantly how does Izaya's mother know him when they never introduced each other to their parents.

A/N: Dun! Dun! Dun!

Just 2-3 more chapter guys and we're done. So I have a question. Does any of you wanted to know some trivia about this book or anything? If so, just tell me I'll do one and will post it here as an extra. I'm telling you there's a lot or actually just a few. Lol!