Nothings gonna hurt you baby

He needed a break, he needed a shower and he needed to sleep. More than that, he needed five frakking minutes just to sit quietly and closely by Laura and let the warmth of her body soothe the more severe of his troubles. But looking over the table at a workload that rivaled his own, those five minutes were still hours away.

Bill dropped his pen and flexed his fist, idly hoping to hit something, preferably Baltar… The sooner this frakking trial was over and Baltar was little more than an unpleasant memory floating through space the better.

He had not even realised that Laura had stopped working until her breath exploded in a shuddering gasp. Her head bowed as her whole body shook.

He was halfway across the table in less than a second, his log-book tumbling to the floor with a stack of shift reports.

"Laura?" Panic seizing in his chest even as he reached out to touch her.

But her breath came in fast, high, wheezes and she brushed away his hands with frantic, flurried movements as she staggered to her feet. Shaking hands removing her glasses from her streaming eyes.

"Laura?" Slowly, like approaching a wounded animal, as he rounded the table.

"I can't do this again." She choked out, her chest heaving as she tried to gulp down enough air to prevent her from hyperventilating, flapping her hands frantically when he tried to approach her again, bowing into herself; unable to escape.

"I can't…" she gasped, "I don't…"

He had never felt so helpless. So unable to act in the face of such obvious distress. To just watch as her façade cracked, and she finally crumbled. He had watched her approach her death before, bravely, with dignity and grace. But he had never watched her come to grips with her diagnosis. Never expected that she would have to do it twice. She had walked to the threshold, content to cross before she was ripped away again. No one had asked what she had wanted. And now she was here again…

He'd rather take another gut-shot from Boomer.

A cold sweat had broken out over her forehead, prickling over her upper lip while the colour drained from her face. Already a ghost.

Bill caught her as she sank to the carpet, splay-legged on the floor. He knelt down in front of her, clasping her cold, shaking hands in his own, sobs interspersing her trembling, heaving gasps.

"I… can't… I… can't" shaking her head weakly, eyes squeezed shut "… Bill… I don't… want…"

He pulled her small, shaking frame into his lap. Shuffling clumsily across the floor until he could lean against his bunk to better support their combined weight.

"Laura." He murmured into her ear, smoothing back her hair, settling his hands on her shoulders. "Laura, just breathe." And he inhaled deeply as if to prove his point. His broad chest expanding behind her back.

Her hands covered his but whether it was to ground herself or push him away he did not know. He didn't know what else to do except call for Cottle. Sedate her. Risk the entire fleet finding out on what was a very private moment that she was entirely entitled to, and not at all ready to divulge.

So, he just held her still as best he could without crushing her.

"Please. Just breathe with me."

"I… can't." she choked out, jostling him with the force of her tremors.

"Just breathe, Laura… Please."

He repeated it again and again until a long, stunted shudder forced her chest open again and Bill felt his heart find its tempo again.

Relieved by her shaky attempt, heartbroken at her whimpered exhale.

"I should… have died," as she did her best to mimic the slow rhythm behind her, "on Caprica."

"It's okay." And he smoothed her hair back away from her face, warm and damp with tears.

"I should… have died… on Galac- Galactica…" she shuddered.

"I should have died… on New Caprica." She gulped, still shaking against his chest, "Why couldn't you just let me die!" she moaned, beating weakly against his legs.

Bill just held her tighter, as if the force of his two hands could keep her together.

"Because I'm here. I'm here with you." He assured quietly into her hair, "… and I can't let you die, Laura."

"It's going to be okay." He knew that he said it more to himself than her, but she finally relented and leaned back into him, her head falling over his shoulder.

"You'll be okay."

Her breath still quivering with every draw. Wanting desperately to believe him.