Sorry, I'm posting this so late. Today's been... tiring.

I know the last chapter sucked, and I don't mean because it was heartbreaking. I've been feeling very run down lately, so I know my writing wasn't the best. I feel like I could have done better.

Violet's pov:

The next day at school I didn't want to leave Clem's side. Every chance I got was spent with her and I loathed the classes that I didn't have with her. It was agonizing and I always felt like something bad was going to happen when she wasn't around. I knew I was being paranoid but after last night I didn't want to be alone anymore. I felt trapped by fear I couldn't escape, and I find myself regretting not calling her last night.

Clem wasn't one to miss how clingy I've become and I knew it worried her. I knew she was going to ask me what was wrong but it was a conversation that I was dreading. I didn't want to admit to what was bothering me because I feel like to anyone else it sounds stupid that I'm letting a nightmare control my life. I think reliving my past by telling Clem what had happened had reawoken a long-forgotten fear that had now risen from the ashes from a flame that's been long burned out.

I haven't had that nightmare in ages and now all of a sudden it was everywhere. I remember that conversation I had with Jackson in the car. That was the last memory I had with him, the weekend before the crash. Everything else was just the terrors of my mind trying to scare me and I hate to admit...it's working.

I missed him and that was a feeling that would never go away. Not having him here has made so many things harder for me and I miss the feeling of having someone there, someone who actually cared. And right now Clementine was that person in my life. Which I think is why I've been so reluctant to leave her. I want that feeling in my life again, something that makes me feel complete, that makes me feel safe, something to make my life worth living.

But at the same time, I'm worried that if I get to close...It'll just be ripped away from me again.

That's why when schools over and we all decide to meet up at some coffee shop, I sit with my head resting on Clem's shoulder. She doesn't object the touch, but I can tell she's troubled by my behavior. I know she wants to ask me what's wrong. It's eating her up inside, but I know she won't ask me, not yet. She doesn't want to do it in front of everyone else.

So I hate it when she goes to excuse the two of us.

"Hey, babe?" She whispers to me. "Walk with me for a minute?"

She moves to stand up from her seat and I remove my head from her shoulder. I understand what's going on and I don't like it, but I was going to follow her anyway. So I stand up and hand Woody to Sophie. I hear Clem tell all our friends that will be back in a few minutes and I feel myself tense up because this is a lot like how a breakup conversation starts. I know in my head that this is not what it's about. And in my heart, I hope that never happens, but it gives me anxiety just thinking about it.

I follow her outside and we walk across the street where this park is. It's kind of cold outside what with us switching into November, but neither of us is too concerned about the falling temperature.

Clem doesn't say anything for a bit as we just walk. My gaze is constantly kept towards the ground as we follow the concrete path through the park. At the moment the purple laces on my tennis shoes seem to have my focus because I don't want to look up and start a new conversation.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Clem reach up and tuck a loose curl behind her ear. I think maybe she's just as apprehensive to talk about this as me. Maybe she's nervous about what she might hear. I would be too if I had found what I had written in my journals. I have more inner demons than I'd like to admit and they all seem to gang up on me at the worst of times. My issues with my past are really pushing it right now.

I can tell she wants to ask me and the waiting is killing me. It's starting to make me feel sick. I really want to reach out and grab hold of her hand for comfort, but I don't think that's an appropriate move right now. So I nervously push a strand of hair behind my ear to keep my hands busy.

It's still silent and I almost jump when I hear her speak up. "Hey, Vi? Is um...is everything okay?" I watch her tuck another curl behind her ear. "You seem like somethings bothering you."

Something is bothering me and I know that I can't leave her in the dark this time. I promised her that I'd start being more open and I can't go back on my word now. I really wanted to be more open with her, but it was hard. I deal with so many emotions, I don't want to put all of that on her. I don't want to push her away because I already have so many problems in my life. And this whole nightmare thing is only adding to the mountain of emotions and complications that I'm currently struggling through.

Though to be honest, that's probably why I need someone like her in my life, to help me when things just get too heavy to carry on my own. I've been struggling on my own for six years ever since Jackson had died. Whatever me and Minnie had was only an allusion to what I possess now. That wasn't any way to live, it had only been a distraction from the real-life challenges and it only ended up making things worse for me in the long run anyway.

I heavily sigh. I had to tell her. I wanted to tell her. It was just difficult because I knew this was going to get personal and I'd probably end up in tears or something. I just didn't want Clem to think of me as a lesser person because of what I'm dealing with.

I pulled out my phone from my back pocket and opened my messaging app. "I had a dream about Jackson last night." I typed it out and held out my phone to show her.

"And that bothers you?" She asked me as we step over a large stick that lies in the middle of the path. Then we walk over to the side and stand under this large tree.

I look away shyly. I'm worried she's going to make fun of me for the next part. "I...it was a nightmare about the car crash he was in." I hand her my phone and I don't meet her eyes once she reads it.

"And it scares you?" She asks.

I can feel tears stinging my eyes as I nod. "I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I haven't had that dream in a long time and now it's back." I let her read it before I continue to type. "I only got four hours of sleep last night because I was so afraid that something was going to happen to someone I care about. I'm just sick of losing people and I felt so alone last night."

I can feel a few tears run down my face and I desperately wipe them away. Clem looks up from my phone with a sympathetic look. "Baby why didn't you call me then? I told you, you could."

"I-I wanted to call you. But I didn't want to do it through text message, I wanted to hear your voice. But I can't answer and I didn't want you to think something was wrong." My face burns red and I turn away slightly because I feel kind of ashamed for this and I wrap my arms around myself.

"Violet, something was wrong." She gently tells me.

"I wasn't in danger or anything. It was 2 a.m. and I didn't want you to run all the way there because you thought something was wrong." I explain to her. I wanted her there so badly, but the last thing I wanted was her to be at my house.

Clem reads this and I see a slight smile form as she makes her way towards me. She reaches a hand up and tucks my bangs that have fallen in front of my eyes behind my ear. "Violet, that doesn't mean your feelings aren't important. I don't care if you're in trouble or not. If somethings wrong you can call on me."

I don't meet her gaze and instead, look to the side. I'm frustrated with myself because I don't think Clem understands what would have happened if I had called her. "It was 2 a.m. If I had called you and there was just silence on the end of the phone you would of been worried."

She reaches up and tilts my chin so I can look at her. "I'm more worried when you don't tell me what's wrong."

I pull away from her hold and shake my head. "That's no excuse."

That's when I see her face turn serious. "So what. Violet, if you wanna call me you don't have to worry about it, baby. You can wake me up in the dead of the night or wreck my plans. That's alright because this is a drop everything kind of thing." She gestures to herself. "I really care about you Violet. You can even come over to my house any time you need to. Don't even hesitate."

I look up because I can't believe that she's serious right now. I shake my head because I can't do that to her. She's already done so much for me, I can't keep making her sacrifice everything just because my life is a mess. But Clem is relentless to get me to accept this.

"Lee even said you're allowed over any time. In fact..." She reaches into her pocket and produces a key and she hands it to me. "I had this made for you. Any time you need to or want to don't hesitate to come over. Even if it is at two in the morning, my doors unlocked and I'll leave on the light. Or go ahead and call me, I'm good with either."

I'm actually really shocked that she's gone to the lengths to do this for me. She's seriously giving me her house key? "God, I don't fucking deserve her."

"I don't care if you think it's not something I should worry about. If it bothers you then it's important to me..." She leans down and softly kisses me. "because no one hurts my girl. I love you, Violet. And if you need me there at midnight or three a.m., then I'll be there."

So many thoughts are running through my head right now. Clementine has literally given up everything for me. She's pretty much told me that she'd lay down her life for me, which is a scary thought, but it means so much that she's willing to go to the extream to keep me safe. She does all of this for me and yet what have I given her in return? What has got her so determined to prove my worth to her?

I'm so caught up in the past and everything that has gone wrong. Maybe it's time to change the way I look at things. I've been so worried about keeping Clem away from danger that I've been lacking in what matters. And what matters is that she's here. She's here with me, not anyone else. And if there's a reason that I'm by her side when so many have tried then I'm going to embrace that.

This is my story, my life, and I'm not going to let these fears hold me down. I want her with me forever and always and if there are struggles in the way of that, then goddamnit, I'm willing to wait for it. She's done everything for me and I'm done letting her take the fall for me. It's my turn to be her knight.

I've never been the aggressive one when it comes to kissing, but I'm not letting this moment get away from me. I grip her shoulders and pull her towards me for a short but sweet kiss. I pull back slightly and our eyes meet. A smirk forms on my face and I go back in for round two. Our lips meet and it's the most passionate kiss I've ever shared with her as I find her hands trailing down to my waist and mine find there way around her neck.

I'm not letting this moment get away from me. I am the one thing in life I can control. I am inimitable I am an original. I realize that I'm not falling behind or running late. I'm not standing still, I'm lying in wait.

Because if there's one thing that I've learned after all this time it's that life doesn't discriminate between the sinners and the saints. It takes and it takes and it takes, but we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall and we break. We fall and we make our mistakes. And if there's a reason that I'm still alive when everyone who loves me has died then I'm willing to wait for it.