Hey everyone! I'm back!

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated. I've been up north without internet or a cell phone signal for that matter, so I haven't been able to really write or post anything. I know that sucks. I hate it too.

Violet's Pov:

"Violet!" My mom rushed over to the side of the bed at seeing me awake.

I cringe because I have no idea how much she knows or what she's been told. Clem said I was out for a little over a day, so I'm sure there's been time for things to sink in. But this is a conversation I've always dreaded. I thought one with Clem was hard, but this is a whole new level of emotion and I honestly don't know what to feel besides worried. I mean, I don't even know how she really feels about me, so how am I supposed to know what to feel about her?

I mean, she is here and she seems worried, but how far below the surface does that really go? The surface could only show so much. I know that from experience; I've always been good at suppressing my emotions. I never seem to show how I'm really feeling so people never really know when somethings wrong. Or at least my parents never knew.

I guess I can't speak for everyone since Clem seemed to figure out so much in so little time. Of course, that's also because things escalated to such extremes. I know she's always had her suspicions, but would she have ever found out the truth if what had happened never began in the first place?

I don't have long to dwell on it because something else strikes me as surprising. Clem picks up Woddy once more and goes to excuse herself, which I hate. I get that she's letting us talk alone, but I loathe her departure. I don't want her to leave me alone, especially with how nerve-racking this conversation is going to be. But I guess it'd be kinda awkward if she stayed, though in all honesty, what doesn't she know that my mom does. Everything that I've kept inside over the past five years has already spilled all over the floor for everyone to see in less than a day.

But what strikes me as odd is when my mom walks past Clem and she actually recognizes her. "Thanks for looking out for her Clem."

I can see Clem smile as she walks out the door. "No problem, Steph."

Shock is written on my face. "How in the hell do those two know each other?" They can't have met before the incident, so they would have had to meet here. "They're on a first-name basis already, after me being in the hospital for a little over a day. What the fuck?"

I mean, I guess I'm okay with that. It just kind of feels awkward. Well, everything kind of feels awkward right now. Ever since the whole thing with Jackson and Grandma and Grandpa, we've kind of drifted apart. That goes tenfold with my dad.

I still remember a time when they both still cared and maybe Steph still does, but I don't know how to feel about that. I've dealt with so much in the last six years and if my mom ever had a hint of what I went through she didn't show it. Maybe she never knew about the struggles I went through and I just always assumed she didn't care enough, or maybe she never really cared until now.

I don't know. And that's what makes this so damn difficult. I just hate being in these fucking situations where I have to explain everything I went through and how it made me feel. It was ten times as hard since I didn't have a voice to actually tell someone. But I guess that actually helps in some ways, I could get away without explaining things for longer. Though I was damn frustrated when I actually wanted to talk and couldn't. And when I did talk, it usually came as a surprise, like my vocal cords made a mistake and let a few words slip. Like, "Hey, were going to let you talk, but it won't be when you want to and it'll be at random times."

I glared at nothing in particular. "Fucking selective-mutism."

I was pulled from my hate for my self when my mom spoke up. "Your girlfriend seems really nice. I'm glad you had someone like her there for you." She says as she sits down across from me with a slight smile.

My eyes widen. She knows I have a girlfriend? Better yet, she knows that Clem is my girlfriend? "Shit." I never told my parents that I had a girlfriend. I was afraid they wouldn't accept it and I was especially worried that my dad would take it out on me if he didn't approve.

"Wait...Did she say that she likes my girlfriend? She's happy that I had someone like Clem who was there for me." Wow, I wonder how that initial greeting went. I bet that was a shock for my mom, though I think everything she's been told in the last two days has been a shock. I'm pretty sure compared to everything else, "Violet has a girlfriend" is pretty low on the list.

However, the good news fades much like Stephany's smile does. "Violet...why didn't you tell me you were being abused?"

There it is, the million-dollar question. I swear if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I didn't tell them something, I'd be just as rich as Louis.

I don't make eye contact and just stare at my lap. I fiddle with Clover and twist him in my hands. How do I even answer that? "Because I couldn't talk, because I was afraid I'd only get abused more, because I thought you wouldn't care, because I didn't think there was anything you could do? All of the above." What was I supposed to do? How do you just handle something like that?

I think she understands that I can't really reply to something like that without being able to communicate at the moment, either that or she thinks I'm not going to reply anyway. Which both are kind of partially true. So she opts for a different question instead. "Honey, h-how long... has this been going on?"

I can hear the hesitation in her voice. She's afraid of the answer just as much as I'm afraid to give it. But I reluctantly hold up my hand and show the number five with my fingers.

"Five months?" My mom questions, but I think she knows that's wishful thinking. I shake my head. "Five...years?" She says it in almost a whisper and I slowly nod my head as my gaze shifts to my lap again.

I guess she figured that with what she tells me next. "The doctors said t-that this wasn't the first time...that you had broken your r-ribs...T-they said that the x-rays showed signs of past d-damage." Her voice is breaking and I know she's got tears lingering in her eyes, so it's only a matter of time before she loses it and I hate that it's starting to make me feel guilty. "I'm so sorry, Violet."

That's it, to push her over the edge. The tears start falling as she starts crying and I feel really awkward. I turn away because I don't really want to take part in this and I still don't know what to feel. Now I can clearly tell that my mom feels terrible about what happened, but how was I supposed to feel about it? I've gone so long with thinking that my parents never cared that I've gone numb to anything else. My mind and heart were in a constant tug of war with every emotion that overcame me until they were mixed into one big feeling of uncertainty.

I felt so confused. I didn't know whether to feel sad, or angry, or guilty.

If I had said something before, would I have had to go through all of this? Would the abuse have stopped if I'd told her? What could she have done that I couldn't have?

Could I even feel happy that it was all over with everything still weighing me down? The secret was out, now everyone knew about the abuse I've endured for all of these years. But it still felt like I had a cinderblock laying on top of my chest. I still felt like I had secrets to keep. It was like everything had changed, yet it was still the same, all at once.

Nothing has really changed, you can't just erase the past. I had memories, wounds, both mental and physical scars. How could things be better when I still was on a knifes edge, when I still had an axe hanging over my head.

I don't have anything to say. And even if I could I still wouldn't utter a word. All I can do is sit here until my mom gets over this episode. I don't want to look at her right now, because, after everything I've endured, the last thing I want to feel is guilty for leaving her in the dark. And to be honest, I am a little upset that after all this time I find out she really does care, yet she was never around long enough to pick up that something was wrong. I have myself to blame a little bit for part of that. Though it was never my intention to get abused and I couldn't exactly go to anyone without the threat of a further beating hanging over my head.

I'm however surprised again when she speaks up. I swear the hits just keep on coming. I haven't really heard anything bad yet, but this conversation is really fucking awkward to be in. "Well, now we don't have to worry about that anymore."

I don't see it, but I can hear as she takes a tissue from a box that rests on a bedside table and I assume she's wiping the tears away from her eyes, or at least trying to. "Your father has been put in jail where he belongs and it'll just be you and me from now on."

This get's me turn around to face her. So dad has been thrown in jail. I mean I assumed so, but no one ever straight out told me. Wait a minute. It's just me and mom now and our house had burned down. Where were we going to live? I mean yeah, I'm staying at the hospital right now, despite my disproval of it, but where was Stephany staying?

As if on cue my question was answered. "So, now that we don't have our money being drained by an alcohol-abusing asshole..."

"Wow, way to go, mom."

"I've been saving up some money from work, hoping one day we could move away and start something better once your father sorted himself out." She seems to get lost in the thought that, that idea is now a fantasy but is quick to discharge it. "Anyway, I hope you aren't mad but... I talked to our insurance company and I'm meeting with our lawyer tomorrow. If all checks out...Violet, we could move into Grandma and Grandpa's house."

She says the last part hesitantly, almost as of it's a question. If she's asking me if I want to move into their old house, then screw that!

I briskly turn away from her and opt to lay on my side with my back to her, covering myself with the white blanket that lays on the bed. I'm done. I don't want to have this conversation anymore. Just the thought is starting to bring tears to my eyes and I pray that she doesn't see me cry.

I can hear he sigh behind me. It's obvious that this deeply upsets me and I think she realizes that she won't get anything else out of me.

I tense when I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I don't turn to look at her. "Violet, just please...think about it?"

Her voice is hollow and empty and I can tell everything from the past couple days is wearing down on her just like it has me. But I'm willing myself to not feel sorry for her. I have so much bearing down on me already and I already feel parts of me cracking, I don't want to add even more guilty on top of it all, not to mention the overwhelming emotions resurfacing from bringing my grandparents into the mix. That's a whole new box of emotions to unpack and if I add anything else onto what I already feel, I might just break...

...more than I already have.

Steph rubs my shoulder reassuringly then leaves without another word. Once she's gone, I finally let the tears silently fall. Why was this so fucked up?

So I'm sorry to say this, but I'm not going to be able to post daily updates anymore. I would have liked to start picking that up again, but with school starting back up I'm not going to have the time anymore. So I apologize for that, but I will still try and update as often as I can. :)

Secret Life of Writing Out! :)