Hey, y'all.

I know it's been a while since I last updated, it's been really hard to write lately. So I apologize for that. But I'm glad that I finally have a chapter out for you guys.

Violet's Pov:

I killed my first monster when I was seven years old. It melted like butter in my bathroom's sixty-watt bulb. I remember being afraid of the hidden dangers that lurked in the shadows that are the result of any child's imagination. Mistaking simple everyday household things for creatures that lived in darkness, just waiting until your alone to strike. And only the presence of a parent or the comfort of a light would make them go away.

I remember how I'd always look to Jackson to save me from hidden figures in the closet or monsters that lay under the bed. He'd come in the room and turn on the light defeating the vicious beasts, showing me that there was nothing to be afraid of. But he'd still stay with me whenever I'd ask, and I'd always find comfort in his presence as I'd fall back asleep.

That was a long time ago, nearly nine years have passed since then. And during that time I've learned a lot, and I've come to know what's real and what isn't. But I still find myself in the same predicament from years ago as I search a wooden box for something I've been longing for.

"Where the hell is it? I know it's in here somewhere." I shuffle through the odds and ends of junk that lies inside a box in the backyard garage. Grandpa had taken up the hobby of a woodworker and had turned the garage into his own personal workshop. He always had some sort of project going on, whether it was a request from a friend or just something for fun. He always liked to keep busy, and he was actually really skilled in his work. He had actually helped Jackson make a small bookshelf out of red maple wood that had been put upstairs in his room.

I kind of wish I could see it again, but I haven't been inside Jackson's room since we've moved in. Neither of us has that I know about. I can't work up the courage to do it. It just brings back too many painful memories. I can barely look at his door without getting emotional, let alone step foot in the room. So the door remains closed, and the contents of the room remain a mystery.

I sigh as I come to the conclusion that what I'm looking for doesn't reside in the box that I'm going through. So I shove it back under the woodworking bench where it had been collecting dust before I'd pulled it from it's hiding place. I figured this would be easy since Grandpa kept his workshop so organized and clean, but I guess since I haven't been in here for about six years, I don't fully remember where everything is anymore.

I didn't mind being out here though. It was actually quite nice, with the quiet and relatively empty space. The place could use a good dusting and be swept clear of some lingering piles of wood shavings and sawdust, but I was happy to report the lack of spiders that I'd run into.

I'm not sure how long I've been out here searching, but I guess that wasn't a problem when I had all the time in the world. So I guess our school's security cameras really do work, more or less. Word got around about the fight that took place between me, Sophie, and Minerva. Even though I played the victim and never threw a punch, I still technically shoved Minnie to the ground. So all three of us have been suspended. I got the less severe punishment and have only been banned from school for a week while the twins have been suspended for at least ten days if not more.

I hate that Sophie is facing the consequences for something I started, even though she's told me multiple times that it wasn't my fault and that Minnie had it coming. I still feel bad for dragging her into this and especially because she sprained her wrist when fighting Minnie. She didn't deserve all of that on account of mistakes that I've made, but Ericson was an asshat on a good day. So with his patience worn thin, we all got the blunt end of the knife. But even if me and Sophie have to endure this, I was glad Minerva was getting what was coming to her. Honestly, being suspended is too good for her. If it were up to me she'd be expelled.

Actually, if it were up to me she'd probably be arrested. It may just be paranoia after what I've gone through, but that experience felt all too similar to the fight with my dad. Minerva was out to injure me. I don't know to what extent, but I can only imagine what she could have done to my face based on the dent now in locker 225. Not to mention my ribs hadn't fully healed and that chase through the halls didn't exactly do wonders for me either.

But the good thing was that my mom was more concerned about my well-being than whether or not I got suspended. I was worried about what she would think when she got that phone call, but she never got upset with me. Which I was thankful for. The only thing that sucked was being away from Clem for so long. I hated not being able to see her throughout the day. It made me feel like I was back at the hospital where I had to wait for school to let out until she could come and see me.

It was like the world was determined to put restrictions on our relationship by any means possible. And after everything that's happened, I felt like I needed her more now than ever. Since the fight, my anxiety has been through the roof. I don't trust anyone to touch me besides Clem, and I always feel like someone's out to get me. Which is why I need to find this thing before it gets dark.

That was the only thing I was pressed for time with...daylight. I hated how the sun dipped below the horizon by the time five o'clock rolled around, leaving the sky in darkness much earlier than I would like. It not only made five-thirty feel like eight o'clock, but it put restrictions on what I could do with my time. I haven't been able to go for a walk in a while and I hated it.

It's been too cold for me to be able to sneak outside in just a hoodie. Not that I could really do that anyway. My bedroom was on the second story now, so I can no longer sneak out my window at midnight or two a.m., or whatever time I felt like leaving when I needed to clear my head. I could always leave out the front door, but that was rather risky. My mom still doesn't know that I used to sneak out of the house at night to walk to the field by our old house.

I have gotten clearance, however, to visit Clem's house whenever I wanted to. Considering I was given a house key specifically for that and my mom knows how much Clementine really means to me. I still find it weird that they got to know each other while I was unconscious in the hospital. If it was up to me my mom still wouldn't know that I had a girlfriend. But I guess it's better this way. I don't expect Stephany to understand exactly what I'm going through, but I'm glad that she's giving me the space to cope with things my own way. And spending time with Clem was the best way to do that. Still, I couldn't expect her to be with me twenty-four seven, we both had lives outside of each other. The world didn't revolve around whatever emotional crisis that I was going through. Well, maybe it was for me, but I wasn't going to drag her down with me.

I stood up and stared around the room. Outside the window, I could see the sky turning from an orange hue to the purplish color that twilight brings before submitting to night. It was pretty to look at through whatever color-changing leaves remained attached to the trees, but that also meant I was running out of light. Sure I could turn on the lights inside the workshop, but that wasn't the point of why I didn't want to be out here after dark.

I walked over to the countertop by the window and pulled open a drawer. But I quickly closed it after only finding a ratchet and sets of different sized sockets used for tightening bolts. I opened another drawer that was below it and found different boxes of screws, nails, and various jars of nuts and bolts. I slammed the drawer shut harder than I meant to, causing the variety of stainless steel fasteners to rattle as they were shaken from the force. I was frustrated that I couldn't find it and I felt like I wanted to cry not being able to find the damn thing.

I walked along the counter until I reached a desktop lamp that laid on top of it, a layer of dust coating its surface. This was where Grandpa used to draw up his plans for his different projects. Sometimes he'd sit here late into the night, hunched under the light of this lamp and wouldn't come inside until Grandma came to fetch him. I smiled at the thought as I ran my fingers across the bottom of the lamp, leaving streaks of fingerprints where the dust had been removed. I rubbed the substance from my hands and knelt down to be level with the drawer. I pushed a wooden stool away so I could open it fully and peered inside. I honestly should have looked here first.

Inside I found various plans for benches and smaller projects like birdhouses and wood carvings. A few carpenter pencils lay scattered across the bottom of the drawer as well. But laying at the back of the drawer is the thing I've been looking for. I reach in and pull out the black flashlight I've been searching for. I pray to god that it still works, but I smile when I click the button and the room fills with a bright light.

It probably seems weird that I've made such a big fuss over a simple flashlight, considering I probably could have found about three others inside the house. But this one had sentimental value that I wasn't ready to let go, and I was going to need it later on. So I pocketed the flashlight and exited the garage just as the street lights were turning on in the front yard.

A cold rush of wind hits me before I can step through the back door and it makes me shiver. I'm somewhat glad that I haven't been going for walks in the middle of the night, it's cold enough for it to start snowing. But if it honestly came down to it, I'd go for a walk anyway. Some days just get to be too much, and walking gives me a sense of purpose. I actually feel like I'm doing something productive, and I generally like it. Which reminds me, I've been wanting to take Clem to that field over by my old house. On a clear night, I want to show her the way the stars shine. Anything to get her to see what I see. Because when the stars are out and the moon is full it's truly beautiful... just like her.

I shut the back door and I'm about to leave, but I thought makes me think twice. So I turn back around and lock it before heading upstairs to my room. Then after shutting my own door, I throw the flashlight on my bed and make my way over to Woody's cage. He comes up to the door when he notices my presence and puts his paws up on the ledge of the opening. He's expecting either food or a treat, but I just run my fingers over his head. He sits still to let me do it and it brings a smile to my face, so I cave and give him a few pieces of these papaya treats that he loves. Woody never tries to jump out so I don't bother to keep the cage closed except at night. So leaving him alone I make my way back over to my bed and pull out my special journal with the tree and glittering stars across the cover.

My wrist was well enough that I could start writing again and I wanted to write Clem a new story. I told her that I wouldn't be able to write a part two for Chasin' Me after all because every time I try to continue writing it, it just seems to make me depressed. I've actually had to discard a lot of ideas recently because of that, leaving pages of my notebook with unfinished stories. A story about two people meeting at a bar, my cop car story, a Halloween story that I had planned to write last month but never could.

So now I'm going to write her something totally new because she deserves it. Clem does so much for me and I don't even have to ask, so writing simple stories for her is the least I could do.

But before I can open to the page there's a gentle knock at my door that causes me to jump and my shoulders tense. But when I hear my mom's voice I relax some.

"Violet, I've found something I thought you might want." She says as she slowly opens the door. "I was going through his room and I found this."

She holds it up for me to see and my eyes immediately fill with tears. I can't believe it's been here this whole time.

I get up to walk over and I gently rub the fabric between my fingers as if I'm afraid it's not going to be real when I touch it. It's Jackson's caramel-colored sweat jacket, the one he used to wear all the time. The same one he wore in the photo that I have inside the locket that was around my neck.

Tears spill from my eyes as I take the article of clothing into my own hands and I have to lift my glasses to wipe them away. But it's a futile process as more reappear in their place.

"Do you want it?" My mom gently asks me as she sees the tears stream down my face.

I nod in response as I try once more to rub the tears away and once again fail. I was never going to let it go again. So I slip the jacket on, over my arms as she turns to leave and I zip up the front. I feel a sense of security wash over me as I sit back down on my bed and embrace the feeling of having Jackson's sweat jacket around me. It's been sitting in his room for roughly six years now, so it no longer possesses his scent, but despite that, it still holds a sense of nostalgia and makes me feel safe and warm. I look up at my wall where I hung the picture that Jackson had drawn and I know exactly what I want to write now.

"It's just like you to pull this kind of shit!"

...

"This is all YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"

...

"If this goddamn door isn't opened I'll fucking open it myself!"

...

I bolt up from my spot on the bed with a racing heart. My hand lunges for the three cell-Maglite from Grandpa's workshop drawer that I kept under my pillow. And I pulled it like a sword.

It's flipped on in an instant and I shine the flashlight around the pitch-black room. Shadows creep across the floor and walls as the light is shined over every object that resides in the room. I find nothing there and tears flood my eyes as I start to cry.

I can't even relax anymore because I'm so fucking scared all the time. First I couldn't let anyone beside Clem touch me because it'd send me into a panic, and now I didn't even feel safe inside my own house.

I keep getting nightmares about the fight with my dad. It's like even though I know he's gone, I still feel scared that he's going to come after me. As if I was worried that he was going to break out of jail just to hunt me down. Not that I thought he was smart enough or even capable of doing that, but the thought still terrified me.

I feel like a little kid again because I can't stand being alone in the dark anymore. I can't see the dangers that lurk in the shadows and I'm terrified that my dad is going to attack me again. I've started checking my closet every night and I asked my mom if I could leave on the hallway light. That way I could see the shadows that passed by from the sliver of light that seeped in from the bottom of the door.

Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's that the monsters aren't underneath the bed.

I've fought the devil, I deal with inner demons, and now I battle monsters.

Most people would say "What's the difference? Those are all pretty much the same." But I've learned that's not true. I used to live with the devil. I've been beaten more times than I can count and I had the scars to prove it. But the inner demons that clouded my mind played a different game. Things like pain and regret kept me down. Liability often makes me feel guilty more days than not. But hopelessness bites the most. Its thorns stick into my heart and I'm left with the feeling of wondering if this will ever stop, knowing that I have no way to prevent what I'm going through.

But monsters weren't imaginative creatures that hid under beds or inside closets. They were real. People corrupted one way or another to harm or kill. It was scary to think about, and even more so that it was true. Abusers, shooters, kidnappers, others that I don't want to think about. All people who were probably good at some point, then driven to the unthinkable by some unknown motive. And my father was one of them.

There were a lot of things I couldn't escape while my father was around. A wolf hunts a hungry man, but the devil a lonely heart. And a minefield of bad decisions lay hiding in the dark. Greed stalks, sickness steals, and pride lays a wicked track. But you can't avoid them all though, you've gotta trust me on that.

I could feel my body tremble as I brought my knees up to my chest. I looked next to me and saw green and white fur. So I grabbed Clover and hugged him close to my chest. Tears continued to stream down my face and drip down onto the collar of Jackson's hoodie that I still wore. I desperately wish he was here, or anyone for that fact. I want to walk across the room to grab Woody but I'm too scared to move.

My heart still beat loudly in my chest and I was having a hard time trying to calm myself down. I just wanted to stop feeling this way. I was constantly tormented by it and I just wanted it to be over.

I look over and I can see the glint of light from my flashlight off the screen of my phone. I desperately want to go to Clem's house and fall asleep in her arms. But I've already stayed with her four times this week. I can't stay with her every night, that's not fair to her, no matter how much I might need it. Plus it's like three a.m. Not that the time really matters because both her and Lee said I could come over at any time, but still, I'm not going to do that to her. But there is something I might be able to do.

I'm scared to move from my spot and my hands shake when I go to pick up my phone. I almost drop it on the floor and the thought of doing so causes my heart to hammer in my chest. If I drop it on the floor I won't get it back, it'll be lost to the darkness the resides just under the bed. So I cuddle Clover closer to my chest as I scroll to my emergency contact and hit the video call button.

It's very early morning though. I don't know if she'll even answer. But I need her to, all I want to do is to be able to hear her voice. Anything to distract me from my thoughts.

The phone rings four times before it's answered on the other side. A light is flipped on and then I can see Clem on the other side as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. " Vi...?"

I can tell she's still a bit out of it from the way she says my name, but she's immediately snapped out of it when she gets a good look at my face. "Violet, baby what's wrong?" She can see the glint of tears on my face from the light of the flashlight. It's bright enough to light up almost the entirety of the room, so it has no problem revealing the trails of tears that run down my face. "You want me to come and get you?" Clem asks as she looks like she's ready to throw on her shoes and run to my house that very instant.

I quickly shake my head to stop her. As much as I want her here, I don't want her running to my house at three in the morning in the dark.

Clem stops her attempt to get up, but the concern doesn't leave her face. "Do you just want to talk?"

I nod as I fidget with Clover in my hand. Clem can see this and it causes her to ask her next question. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I nod again and tears drip down cheeks as I start to cry once more. And I hear Clem's protective and caring side come out. "Violet, it's okay. You're okay. It wasn't real, babe. You're okay. I promise."

But all I can think about is how it was real. I relive that fight with my dad almost every other night. He haunts my dreams and I don't feel safe anymore. The tears don't recede and I have a death grip on the little bear that Clem once gave me. She can see this and worry fills her and another question follows. "Honey, where's Woody at? I think you might feel better if he was with you."

I flip the phone around and show her the cage that sits across the room on the small table that I had, before pointing it back to me. "Aren't you gonna go get him?" I get asked.

I shake my head no and a small whimper escapes me. "It's okay, Vi. I'm here. You're okay." She tells me, but I can tell that Clem's troubled by the fact of why I won't go get Woody when she knows he comforts me. "You don't want to go get him?"

I cringe a bit at that because I really do want him, I just don't know how to explain that to Clem without a voice. But I look to the left and see that my purple journal is still seated at the end of my bed. I reach over and grab it and I find a red sharpie still sitting in the crease of the page where I was last at. I uncap it and write her out an explanation before turning it to my camera. "I can't get him. I-I'm too scared to. I'm sorry."

I can feel my face become hot as I admit this, but Clem's reaction is only sympathetic. "Aw, Violet, it's okay. You don't need to apologize. Nothings going to get you. You're safe there, even without me. I promise."

I nod to show her that I understand. Her words are helping to calm me down, but I'm still terrified. It must show because Clem's not done questioning me. "Vi, you could have come to see me if you were scared. I'm here for you. You don't have to deal with this alone."

I shake my head no again and write something down across the page. "I wasn't going to do that to you. Not again. I've already been over four times this week." I let Clem read it as I rub some tears from my eyes with the palm of my hand.

I can see her frown at what I've written. I know Clem cares a lot about me, it's probably breaking her heart seeing this. I know that she wishes she could do more from the other side of a phone screen. "Baby, it's okay. It doesn't matter how many times you come over. I'm here for you and that's what matters. If you need help you can always ask me, okay?"

I nod in understanding, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about Clem having to deal with this. So I write down an apology with the red marker. "I'm sorry. I feel bad that you were thrown into this. I never meant for it to come to that. I-I'm really sorry." A fresh wave of tears overtakes me as I show her what I've written.

"Vi, there's nothing you have to apologize for. You did nothing wrong, babe. I promise." Clem says trying to calm me.

But I can't stop the apology from rolling off my tongue...er marker. "I never meant for this to happen. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Clem. I just feel really bad, for it."

Clem shakes her head in protest after she reads what I've written. "Don't, it's not you're fault, Vi. None of it is. And I'd rather know about it and be here to help...Easily." I watch Clem readjust her position on her bed before she continues on. "I care about you a lot. So when you're hurting, I wanna be there for you. You don't have to face this alone. Don't be afraid to tell me things Vi, because we'll get through them...together." I watch as she props her phone up in front of her and with her now free hands, forms a heart the way I always do. "I love you."

Despite my tear-stained face, I form a small smile and I send the "I love you" sign back. I love how she always knows exactly what I need to hear. It's so simple, but just a few words from her really makes my day, no matter how distraught I may be. Because love lifts me up. I know it's hard sometimes to see it, but it does. And every heart and "I love you" that I receive back lets me know that someone really does care and that someone really does love me for who I am.

A small yawn escapes me, which I try and hide, but it doesn't get past Clem. "Why don't you try and get some sleep, Vi. I think you could use it."

My eyes widen and I quickly shake my head. I don't want her to leave. And if I let my guard down I don't know if something will happen. But being my girlfriend, Clem can clearly see that this worries me. "Violet it's okay. You're alright, I promise." But it does little to comfort me because I don't want to lose her.

My hands shake as I go to write her another message. "I-I d-don't want y-you to leave. I don't w-want to be a-alone."

It takes her a second to read my shaky handwriting, but the message still gets across. "It's okay, babe. I'm not gonna leave you, I promise." She reassures me. "Why don't we switch over to text message, then it'll be easier if you want to talk. I promise I'll stay up with you until you fall asleep."I know Clem would never break that promise even if her life depended on it, but I'm still on edge about ending this call and not being able to see her anymore. No matter what calming words she says I'm still scared of the monsters, even if they weren't here. I get sent a reassuring smile however as Clem can see the inner turmoil present in my eyes. "Vi... just because I'm leaving it don't mean that I won't be right by your side. When you need me and you can't see me in the middle of the night, just close your eyes and say a prayer. It's okay I know your scared when I'm not there. But I'll always be right here. Even though I'm leaving, I ain't goin' nowhere."

I recognize those words. They're the same ones that Clem said to me when she had to leave the hospital that first night. I take a few deep breaths and I feel a slight sense of comfort wash over me because I know she's right. Even if I can't see her she's still with me. She'll always be in my heart, just like I hope I'll always be in hers.

Even though I'm still on edge I let myself relax slightly. It's not much, but I think Clem seems satisfied with her efforts at getting me to calm down. "Are you good?" I nod and take a deep breath. "Alright, I'm going to switch over now, okay?"

I nod to tell her it's okay and her image disappears as the call is ended. I can feel my heart pound in my chest at her absence, but it's not even a minute later when I receive a message notification from her.

Clem: "I'm here for you, Vi. And I always will be. I love you."

I rub the remaining traces of tears from my face and I let myself weakly smile at her words as I type back.

Violet: "I love you too."

A minute later I get another message.

Clem: "We can keep talking if you want or we can just stay silent, but no matter what I won't leave you, I promise. I'm all yours, Vi and I'll stay up as long as you need me to."

I'm really touched by her tenacity to stay up with me, but I know Clem has to be tired. She has to be up for school in a few hours when I don't and I felt kind of guilty for keeping her from sleeping. I know she doesn't mind it, but I really care about her. She always puts my well-being over hers, which was really sweet, but I just hope she's not straining herself in doing so.

Violet: "It's okay. I just like knowing that your here and that I'm not alone."

Clem: "Of course, babe. I'd do anything for you."

It's really sweet of her to say that, but I wince at her words. That's what I've been afraid of ever since we started dating. Those are the words that scare me because I know Clem truly means that and I've seen it first hand in the fight with Robert. I know for a fact that I could have been killed that night. I could have been killed by a monster, but what scared me the most was knowing that Clem could have been too. Yet she still threw herself in danger for me. Considering that's the job of a Knight I shouldn't be surprised. Besides, I was her Knight as well. I had cast myself between her and that gun even though it could have cost me my life. But I cared for her too much to let her take that hit, even though she probably could have taken it better than I did.

So even though I was still scared, I let my phone reduce to silence. But I still kept it on to remind me that Clem was still there because every time I accidentally let my screen fade to black I'd have a mini panic attack thinking she'd leave me. I failed to notice, however, that my battery life was quickly fading. And when my phone shut down, I felt my heart rate quicken as I was only left in the light of my Grandpa's flashlight once more.

My breathing got heavy and fast and it was all that I could focus on at the moment as it felt like I had to manual keep up the flow of oxygen into my lungs. I closed my eyes and tried to keep myself from getting thrown into a panic attack. "It's okay. You're okay. He can't hurt you anymore." But as much as I told myself this I still felt uneasy at being left alone.

Clem's words came to mind and I tried to run through them in my head in an attempt to calm myself down. "Just because I'm leaving... it don't mean that... I won't be right by your side. When you need me... and you can't see me... in the middle of the night..." I paused trying to remember what came next. "Shit, how does it go again?"

I opened my eyes and my sight followed the beam of light from the flashlight that landed on a cross that hung on the wall next to the door. My grandparents were very religious while they were still alive. We used to go to church with them every Sunday followed by fast food because between church and Bible study the busy day didn't leave Grandma enough time to cook, which influenced my love for chicken nuggets. But after Grandpa died and Grandma shut down we kind of stopped going, then once Grandma was gone we just stopped altogether.

That's when the next part of the saying hit me. "Just close you're eyes and say a prayer." Well, that's certainly something I haven't done in a long time. I know she said it because it's part of her little saying, but did Clem really want me to do that? Did she do that when he father said it to her? I stared up at the crucifix on my wall. Was that something I even still believed in? I focused my attention on the thought. Can I honestly say that I've completely lost my faith after everything I've been through, after everything I've survived? I think deep down I never really forgot, but I've definitely neglected my appreciation for the things I have in life. Because if it's any miracle that I'm still alive and that Clementine appeared in my life I thank God for it.

I sigh and lean my head back till it hits the wall behind me. "Fuck, what would I even say? Would this even help?" I looked down at the sweat jacket that covered the upper half of my body. Jackson was my first protector from the monsters, then there was Clem, and in some weird way so was Sophie now. Something had saved me the night I had been attacked and it wasn't just Clem. I sighed feeling extremely awkward now. But in all honesty, if there was ever a time I needed this, it was now.

I let my eyes close, but my mind was silent. I felt kind of stupid for doing this, but I felt like I should...even though I had no idea what to say. I mean, how do I just sum up and explain everything that's happened in the last five to six years of my life? My hand reached for the locket around my neck and I brushed my fingers across the cool metal. I felt the engravings of the pattern that was decorated across it and a sense of calm come across me. "It's okay, just...talk about today." Better to start there than anything.

So I did. I thought about what I did today and how everything made me feel. I opened my eyes once it was over and I felt a chill pass through me and I felt as if I wasn't alone in the room. Seconds later I was surprised at the feeling of security that washed over me. I let myself relax and it kind of shocked me how much better I felt just by running through everything that happened today. I already write down a lot of the things that I go through each day inside my black and white journal and how it makes me feel, but this felt different.

I looked back up at the cross on the wall and I silently mouthed the words "Thank you" to no one imparticular. The thought of just having someone to listen felt nice. It made me feel better about everything and I didn't feel as alone anymore, but I still kept my flashlight with me every night.

And anymore when a restless feeling keeps me up at night, falling on my knees is my new 'turning on the light'. I keep my faith intact and make sure my prayers are said, cause I've learned that the monsters aren't the ones beneath the bed.

I've learned that the monsters ain't underneath the bed.