Warning: Based on real-life emotions.

"Nobody hurts MY Rabbit!"

...

"Stop! Violet, Please stop!"

...

"Hit her again. Do it! I know you want to!"

...

Violet...what have you done?

I shot up in bed my face laden with tears as they dripped down the sides of my face. With eyes blurry with tears I struggled to reach my bedside lamp and turn on the light. Instead, my hand found my phone and I quickly clicked the screen to give me some source of brightness.

Violet stared around the darkened room, the shadows overtook most of it with just the dim light from her phone to illuminate the place. She could see Woody across the room through teary eyes. Her heart continued to hammer in her chest as her thoughts reeled on whether what she just dreamt had really happened. She had punched Minerva, hadn't she? Had she really done that to protect Woody or was that part of her old self resurfacing? The kind that took pleasure in the misfortune of others, the kind that didn't care what others thought or what happened to them.

She hadn't kept attacking Minerva, just one good punch to teach her a lesson. But...Did that still make her a bad person? Would the old her have kept going? And because she used to be that person did that make her bad now?

"Oh my god. I'm a bad person." I thought to myself.

What would Clem think if she found out exactly what had happened? What did she already think? All Clem knew was that Violet had stood up for herself. What if she didn't approve of the person who she used to be? Was Violet still like that deep down inside? Was the fight with Minnie just the beginning of what was to come? Was she slowly turning back into her old self?

My heart hammered in my chest and my breathing became fast and heavy. quickly fumbled with my phone trying to unlock it while at the same time trying not to fall into a panic attack. I searched through my contacts stopping at my emergency contact. But before I could click it my screen went black.

"No!"

Her phone had died on her. Just seconds away from reaching the comforting voice of her girlfriend and her world had gone black. What was she to do now?

I quickly grabbed Clover and clutched him close to my chest as my stomach churned with anxiety. Tears streamed down her face as the same four words repeated in her head.

"I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person."

That's all she could think about. That and how much her friends and girlfriend would hate her when they realized just how much of a monster she really was. What would they think if they found out that she possibly still possessed the errors of her old self deep down inside? Was it possible that her heart had always been corrupted and was just waiting for the perfect time to resurface?

Then realization hit her. "I'm just like my father."

Violet squeezed her eyes shut as a flood of tears leaked out. She was helpless in overcoming her subconscious in this battle of right and wrong. For now, she knew she was right. Monsters weren't underneath the bed, or anywhere else in her room. For Violet was a monster herself.

I felt my stomach churn at the thought and suddenly my room felt too small for comfort and I'm terrified of these four walls. Iron bars couldn't hold my soul for I can't take it anymore as I silently slip from the covers of my bed. It's raining outside as I hear the steady, light, tap tap of raindrops on my window. I throw on my red Ericson hoodie not wanting to get Jackson's jacket wet, and I make a beeline for the door.

I slip down the hall and as quietly as I can down the stairs. I don't dare try the front door for fear of waking my mom and I head towards the back door instead. It creaks a bit, but it's not enough to wake Stephanie as I ease it shut behind me.

There's the steady pitter-patter of rainwater running down the rain gutter and splattering onto the concrete by the back door. I throw my hood over my head to protect me from the rain before running to the backyard gate. The gate is slick with rain but I easily jump the chain-link fence. Not wanting to go into the woods I run down the sidewalk and head towards the city. A familiar place is calling to me. I want to go to Clem's house, but I need some air. And at the last minute, I turn right towards the main part of the city instead of left into the suburbs.

I run for what feels like five miles and already I can feel the water seeping through the thick fabric of my hoodie and weighing my clothing down. I slow my step to catch my breath and pull my hood off even though it's freezing outside. The rain sprinkles down onto my head but I don't care at this point as I place my hands in my pockets and start to walk down the city street. I can see the puff of each breath I take in the air.

I wanted to go see Clem but why would she want to see a monster like me. Heaven's gates won't open up for me, with these broken wings I'm falling. And all I see is her. The rain has seeped into my clothes and I can feel the damp fabric graze my skin and I shiver at the touch. These city walls ain't got no love for me. I'm an outcast on these sodden streets. Nothing but the dim slow flicker of neon signs to keep me company.

I see the lights of a gas station to my left and I realize where I am. The streets are mostly empty, only a car or two buzz past me down the main road. Their tires splash up rainwater in showers from puddles that have formed on the sides of the roads. I feel utterly alone and the gas station gives me a sense of unease as I realize how easy it would be for me to get jumped or kidnapped right now. The city is dead right now, with the gas station probably being the busiest and active place besides a bar that resides on the corner behind me.

I don't feel panicked right now though. Even though I'd be in serious trouble if something happened, what without a phone or even a voice to call anyone with. Not that I expected anyone to be in proximity to even hear a cry from me. Maybe the gas station employee who was probably bored out of his mind right now. It's possible that he'd hear me if I had a voice, then maybe he could be my knight in shining armor and save me from an attacker. Make his job a little more interesting by claiming himself as a hero who saved a defenseless child.

I stare up at an abandoned apartment building and then memories flood my mind as I remember Minnie taking me here. I stare down the darkened alleyway and the shiny glint catches my sight in the rain. I hesitate, looking back at the dim looking gas station before ducking into the alley. I walk past a dumpster and soon come face to face with a metal ladder.

I grip the cold rung towards the bottom and stare up towards the top. It's slick with water and I can feel my hand easily slip from the wet rung. I have one last chance to back out, but I feel my other hand reach up as I place a foot on the bottom rung. It's dangerous climbing the slick ladder, especially with the height I want to achieve. One wrong move could lead to my death, but the top calls to me as I begin to climb. Memories of climbing it many times before with a certain redhead resurfacing.

I think of how Minnie tried to push me down again. Her heavy hateful gaze places all the weight and blame right on my shoulders. Meant to bring me down to the ground and shiver while the room gets colder and colder. She thought it worked out all so well. She thought she sent me down to hell. But I stood up to her and now I'm still here. I wasn't dead yet.

Something in the back of my mind tells me that I wish I were. It's better to die a saint than live as a monster. But I guess the devil had already gotten to me and inflicted me with his poison of choice.

I wasn't proud of lashing out at Minerva and a part of me wishes that I hadn't done anything. But I know I couldn't just let her do that to Woody. I only wish I hadn't punched her. I felt confident then, but now I feel guilty. I should be helping her to change, not fighting her.

My thoughts are broken when I feel my foot slip. I hear the sharp squeak of wet rubber against the metal rung and my right foot slides out from under me. I desperately cling to the ladder for support as my heart wants to jump out of my chest. A fall from this height could be deadly.

I place my foot back down and make sure I'm stable before giving my heart a chance to calm down. Then I continue my way towards the top.

I'm careful when taking that last step up onto the building; making sure not to slip or fall backward. With my hands and knees, I crawl onto the roof of the building and I take a moment to catch my breath.

Getting up, I make my way towards the back of the building and I look out. I'm standing on the edge of the eighteenth story and instead of seeing the bright city lights all I see is Clem. I miss her.

I need someone like her to come and save me. I need someone to show me what it's like to be the last one standing. And beseech me wrong from right. And I'll show her what I can be.

I stared out at the barren city with its bright lights blinding against the darkness. If I squint my eyes they almost look like stars twinkling amongst the buildings.

Then my gaze travels downward towards the many stories below me to the ground. I'm on the edge of the eighteenth story and it'd be so easy just to step off and end all of my pain and suffering. I'd fall and kill the monster within. The thought sends chills up my spine and suddenly I'm cold all over as I become aware of just how soaked I am.

I back away from the edge a good few feet. My dance with death would have to wait. For now, I would just have to survive being me.

I'm soaked to the bone by now and I've realized that I'm shaking. It's terribly cold outside and the rain isn't helping. It's just a step away from being snow. I want to leave and walk to Clem's house. I want to cuddle with her under her warm sheets and feel her arms around me. But my current state prevents me from doing so. I don't want to explain why I showed up soaked and red-eyed from crying.

With another shiver I decided enough is enough and I turn to head back down the ladder. I would have to leave my city view and make my way back home. I'm careful as I start my way back down and I feel the icy grip on the ladder as I make my descent.

Once my feet hit the ground I emerge from the alleyway and stare around. I take one last look at the ladder and the gas station before I turn around and run. I'm hoping it'll help heat up my body even though I'll probably end up with a cold. I don't stop running until I reach my home.

I slip into my house undetected. Stephanie will have no idea that I was ever gone. I make my way to my room and change out of my wet clothes. Then I slip under my covers with Jackson's sweat jacket on and cuddle Clover close to me. But even though I'm exhausted sleep doesn't find me that night.

I hadn't slept the rest of the night and it showed big time at lunch the next day. Clem went to gently wrap an arm around me and the slight touch practically made me jump out of my seat. I stared back guiltily at the brunette in apology. But I was too tired to do much else as I rubbed my bloodshot eyes. I felt like crap. I'm pretty sure my run in the cold rain has made me sick.

Everyone stared around at each other's questioning expressions as to what was wrong with the blonde-haired girl. It especially concerned Ruby when the girl refused to eat anything.

"What's the matter Sug? You feelin' sick?" The redhead asked.

I shook my head no, not wanting to explain and cuddled Woody closer to me. But I can tell that Ruby is not satisfied with my answer. None of my friends are, especially with how I look.

My eyes are killing me right now from my lack of sleep and there red-rimmed from all the crying I did last night. I honestly probably look dead on my feet. I just want to curl up with Clem in her bed and fall asleep to her heartbeat, but my anxiety about everyone hating me keeps that dream at bay.

Everyone stares at me and I sink back into my seat uncomfortably. I'm pretty sure Clem senses my unease because then she speaks up to take the attention off of me. "So...anyone doing anything fun for Christmas break?"

Luckily this flips the mood of the others and I hear Brody get all excited as she hints about the Christmas presents that she's making all of us. I'm thankful for the distraction and I feel Clem squeeze my hand reassuringly from under the table. I send her a half-hearted smile in thanks, but I know we're going to talk about this later. It might not seem so to the others but I know Clem is dying to ask me what's wrong.

I'm too tired to explain anything right now though, and Clem lets me rest my head against her shoulder. I can feel her eyes on me but I don't really care as I let mine fall shut. It's soothing as she rubs my shoulder comfortingly with her arm around me. And with my head on her shoulder and the warmth of the rabbit in my lap, I let myself relax enough to drift off in a light sleep for a few minutes.

I find my thoughts drifting off in English today. Mostly about how I can find a way to prove that I'm not a bad person. Mr. Cruz had finished his lecture and had permitted the class to work quietly on the assignment he had assigned. My feelings were too overwhelming though and I couldn't just do the assignment. Instead, my feelings took over and I found the answer to my dilemma weaving its way into my work.

My words rhyming and emphasizing what I wanted to say but couldn't produce. It wasn't long before I was done and I pulled out my notebook to copy down what I had written. Then I took out my glitter pens and sharpie and went over the text. Underlining and highlighting certain words to give them more emphasis.

I felt bad for ignoring Clem in our one period together, but I needed to release these emotions. I would talk to her after school anyway once we got to her house. I was partially dreading the conversation to come. I knew I'd get scolded if she found out that I was out in the rain last night in just a hoodie.

The bell rang just as I was finishing up. And I passed Clem on the way out. She sent me an encouraging smile but I could tell she was worried about me. Her eyes betrayed her in that aspect. But I sent a small smile back, unable to squeeze her hand reassuringly with my arms full.

Later after school let out Lee drove us back to his house. I'm guessing Clem told him about how tired I was because usually, we walk home. Clem let me lay against her shoulder during the ride as she ran her fingers through my hair. She hummed light along to the song playing on the radio and I know she was waiting till we had some privacy to talk.

Once we got to her house Lee dropped us off then went to pick up AJ from kindergarten. I'm expecting to get questioned right away but instead, Clem asks me something else. "You want a snack Vi? Or maybe some juice?"

I'm puzzled for a second before I remember that I didn't eat anything at lunch today. But I shake my head no anyway. I'll eat in a little bit.

Clem nods in understanding before she walks over to the couch and pats the seat next to her. And I walk over to sit next to her, placing Woody on the ground.

I don't look at her but I feel her gaze on me. "You wanna talk about what's wrong?"

I spare a glance at her before my eyes glass over and I'm all teary-eyed. I see Clem's face soften instantly. "Baby, what's the matter? What's wrong Vi?"

I pull out my phone and type through bleary eyes. "I wrote something today in English."

Clem looks at me concerned. "What'd you write?"

I leaned down towards the backpack at my feet and pull out my black and white notebook. I turn to a page before passing it off to Clem and she reads what I wrote.

In a time full of war, be peace. In a time full of doubt, just believe. Yeah, there ain't that much difference between you and me. In a place that needs change, make a difference. In a time full of noise, just listen. Cause life is but a breeze, better live it. In a place that needs a change, make a difference.

In a world full of hate, be a light. When you do somebody wrong, make it right. Oh, don't hide in the dark, you were born to shine. In a world full of hate, be a light.

In a race that you can't win, slow it down. Yeah, you only get one go around. 'Cause the finish line is six feet in the ground. In a race you can't win, just slow it down.

In a world full of hate, be a light. When you do somebody wrong, make it right. Oh, don't hide in the dark, you were born to shine. In a world full of hate, be a light. Yeah, it's hard to live in color, when you just see black and white. In a world full of hate, be a light.

Clem looked up from the page at me. "Violet, this is beautiful. Why'd you write this?"

I think Clem's heart breaks when I show her the answer. "Because I'm a monster."

"What?" Clem says surprised. " Baby, you're not a monster."

I feel tears drip down my cheeks. "Yes, I am."

"Why do you think that?" I get asked.

I look up at Clem with a saddened expression. "I punched Minerva the other day when she hurt Woody. I'm just like my father."

I can't help but cry now as tears run down my face. But Clem is quick to comfort me. "Violet, baby, you're nothing like your father. You're not a monster and you'll never be one."

"I feel like one." Is what I sign to her.

"Because you punched Minerva?" Clem asks.

I nod my head yes. "What if I wouldn't have stopped? I would be just like my dad. And...and then...you would hate me."

"Violet." Clem's voice was gentle yet firm. "You are nothing like your father and you never will be. You changed and that's what's important. I don't care that you punched Minerva. She deserved it."

I passed my phone to her then covered my eyes with my hands. "Do you hate me?"

I can hear Clem gasp and she sounds like she's ready to cry herself. "Violet I could never hate you. I love you."

She pulls my hands away and holds them in hers. "I will always love you and I will always care about you. No matter what."

I feel better at her words and rub the tears from my eyes.

She brings her hand up to cup my cheek but the reels away before bringing it to my forehead. "Vi you're really warm." She tells me.

Then as if on cue I let out a small sneeze. I rub my eyes and I realize how weak I feel. I should not have gone out last night and I think my guilty expression shows.

"What happened, Vi? I think you're coming down with something."

Clem knows something's up, so I take my phone and type out a response. "I was out in the rain last night." Then reluctantly I add, "Without a coat."

Clem raises a brow at me and I send her a sheepish yet guilty looking smile as I sink back into the couch. She shakes her head yet smiles. "Alright, that's it. Come on." She says as she stands. She takes my hands and helps me up. "We're getting you something hot to eat and then you're gonna lay down and get some rest."

I send her a pouty look and stick my tongue out in a teasing manner.

Clem only laughs as she walks towards the kitchen. "Weird. And here I thought you'd be excited to cuddle with me."

My attitude quickly flips around and I smile as I get up to follow her. That is something that I can definitely get on board with.