Is your mind your prison or a palace? I wonder…
As they approached the next outpost, Leon instructed, "Open the armrest compartment." Luna did as she was directed.
"There are gils in that wallet. If you are out of money, you can take it from there. You can use it for anything you want to buy at our next outpost," he stated.
"Am I in charge of our finances?" she asked enthusiastically.
"If that's what makes you happy, then yes," he replied, looking at the Burbost Souvenir Emporium outpost in the distance. His next delivery was supposed to be there.
"Your future wife is going to be a really lucky one," she said with a smile. She noticed that she had been smiling a lot lately.
"I won't be so sure," he disagreed, slowing down the car.
"You are good-looking, strong, kind-hearted, and generous with your money. What more can a girl want?"
"I am hardly the husband type. You, of all people, should know that," he said, pulling that car in the parking lot.
"Yes, you do have your flaws, but so do everyone else," she defended her stand while unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Some of my flaws are irredeemable," he argued, as he parked the car.
"I don't think so. You just need to be handled with a lot of patience," she teased him.
"Whatever," he said, brushing off his criticism. "I have to make a few deliveries here, fill up gas and finish a few chores. Feel free to browse around."
"Okay, I'll make myself busy," she said, getting out of the car.
They both went their separate ways as the Sun started its descent. When Leon came back after 15 minutes or so, he found Luna playing with a small girl. They were playing tag and running around the car laughing. Leon wasn't sure which of these two girls had more innocent laughter. Their game came to a halt when Luna saw Leon. Luna picked up the little girl in her arms and twirled her around. She carried her on her hip and said, "I am going to miss you my little monster."
"I will miss you too, Luny," the little girl said and followed it up by a hug.
"Aw, you are so sweet, Karen," she said, returning the hug. Luna walked to her parents who were standing close by and returned their daughter.
"Bye, Karen," she said with a wave.
Karen and her family wave back with a smile.
"What was all that about?" Leon asked, getting in the car and buckling his seatbelt.
"I was just standing here waiting for you when little Karen came up to me asked if I could play tag with her," she replied, buckling her seatbelt too.
"Nice," he said, backing out the car.
"I love kids," she said enthusiastically. "I wish someday I could have my o-" she did not finish her sentence as her expression suddenly changed again. Fortunately for her, Leon was too busy trying to merge with the traffic to pay attention to what she had just said.
The Sun was setting and the darkness was starting to take over. "Leon, the Sun will set soon, we should consider resting somewhere."
"I had asked at the Crow's nest and the guy said Mynbrum Haven, which we passed on the way here, would be the closest. We should be able to camp there," he replied, keeping his eyes on the road.
"When a girl elopes with someone, she at least expects to have decent lodging. You eloped with a girl and now you are making her stay at the camp? That's not nice," she faked a complaint.
"Beggars can't be choosers," he shrugged.
"You are so not romantic," she said jokingly. To which, Leon just shrugged.
After a few quiet moments, she suddenly remembered something, "Oh, I forget to show you what I got from the local store there."
"What did you get?" he asked curiously. She proudly showed him the book she had bought.
"A book?" he said disappointingly.
"This is not just any book. This is a limited edition of 'I Want to Be Your Canary' by Lord Avon. It is a tragic love story between a princess and a peasant."
'A tragic love story between a princess and a peasant, this is too on the nose.' Leon's mind chimed in, while Luna continued talking passionately.
"It's a heart-wrenching story. Lord Avon's writing style is simply out of this world. He is my favorite author," she explained enthusiastically. "Not only that, every year on my birthday, my mom would invite 'Tantalus Theater Troupe' of old Lestallum to perform this play."
"You watched the same play every year?" he said in disbelief.
"Yes, this story is THAT good," she said, sounding like a salesman.
"Nice," he said, not knowing what else to say. Leon noticed the sudden shift in her tone whenever she talked about books. He figured books were one of her favorite topics to discuss.
"Leon, what is your favorite book?" she asked.
"I don't have a particular book as a favorite. But I used to love reading Weapons Monthly magazine. In fact, I collected all the existing publications of that magazine. Each magazine contains information about various models of weapons, which can be upgraded with the right material," it was his turn to speak enthusiastically now.
"That is the most boring piece of literature, if you can even call it that, which you can ever read. Is there anything you do that is not boring?" she teased.
"Hey, I am a practical guy and that magazine is a practical choice," he defended his stance.
"True. I guess it does fit with your profile," she admitted.
"How about you? What is your favorite book?" he asked. Honestly, he was not interested in the books, but his purpose for extending this conversation was for Luna. She seems happy whenever she is talking about books.
"My favorite book is 'Wishing Upon A Star' by none other than Lord Avon. I have very fond memories associated with that book. My mom used to read it to me every night when I was little. There were only two copies made of that book. One was in our Tenebrae Library, which was burned down during the Empire's invasion. The second copy is out there with some lucky fellow. No one knows who has the last copy of this book."
"Interesting," he said, as he slowed down the car. "What would you do if somehow someone gave you that last copy of that book?"
"I would enamor them. You have no idea how much this book means to me. It's more than just a book to me. It represents the bond between my mother and me. To hold that book once again in my hand would mean the world to me."
"Never thought you would be one to be attached to objects," he remarked. "Then again, who am I to say? I have a similar attachment to my Griever ring and necklace," he said after a bit of self-reflection.
"Sometimes, it's not the object, but the meaning behind that object which makes it important," she acknowledged. "So, what is the story behind your Griever?"
"I've had this ring and pendant for as long as I can remember. In all my time spent alone, this was my only companion. When I felt like giving up, this gave me the strength to fight on like a lion. To me, this is a symbol of courage and resilience against all odds. I think it might even have been from my parents," he revealed.
"You are like a lion. Fierce when you fight. Brave and courageous when the odds are against you. And your hair is like a lion's mane," she said, ruffling his hair as you would do to a pet.
"Hey, don't do that," he said, leaning away from her trying to get away from her reach. She laughed to her heart's content upon seeing his reaction.
"We are here," he announced shortly after.
"Where?" she asked, confused.
"Mynbrum Haven," he said, pointing out the glowing ground from the window.
"Oh good, sleeping under the stars tonight," she said in a singsong voice.
"Let's go. There is a lot we need to carry there and unpack," he said, parking the car.
They made their way to the haven. Leon carried all the camping material from the trunk while Luna unpacked everything. He silently thanked Lina for gathering all the camping gear and neatly arranging it all in the trunk.
Leon was busy setting up the tent and starting campfire while Luna was preoccupied with cooking on her portable stove.
Once Leon was done, he asked Luna if she needed any help with the cooking. Although he was not a great cook, he could at least cut vegetables he thought. Luna politely declined his help and insisted that he should sit and relax for a change. She assured him that she had everything under control.
Leon sat by the campfire he had started and took out his phone. He started browsing through all the photos she had taken of them together. A smile crept upon his face as the photo brought back fond memories. He did not realize how time flew by as he sat there looking at his phone.
Luna announced from behind, "Food is ready." Leon turned around and saw her carrying two plates. She carefully handed one plate to Leon, which he gratefully accepted. She made herself comfortable next to him with her plate in hand. She nervously waited for him to eat. She wasn't sure if he would like the taste.
He took one bite and said nothing which added to her nervousness. He took another bite and said, "I don't like it." Her heart sunk upon hearing those words. Sadness was evident on her face. But it all changed when he said, "I don't like it because I love it. This is so much better than any of the restaurant food I have ever eaten at Lestallum."
Her smile came back and she let out a big breath she did not even know she was holding. He arched an eyebrow to that reaction.
"I am so relieved that you liked it. I used to cook frequently for our retainers and staff, but I never had to cook for someone like this. I still don't know your taste very well, so I wasn't sure to make it mild or spicy. But since I saw you eating all those peppers during lunch, I went with spicy and I am so happy that you liked it."
"Correction. Loved it," he interjected.
"Thank you," she said, before commencing eating.
"No, thank you, for cooking this wonderful meal. I am not a good cook so any food is good to me, but this is in a class of its own," he said and followed it up with another bite.
She thought her food was okay, but Leon seemed to love it so that's all it mattered to her.
As the flames of the fire fought against the wind, the flickering light cast an amber glow to the surroundings. Crickets were chirping in the background on this mildly cold night. They ate their food peacefully under the moonlight and radiant fire. Luna gave all the remaining food to Leon, and he gladly devoured it all.
After all the cleaning was done, they returned to the campfire. "You know, Noctis is a very lucky guy," Leon confessed, surprising Luna.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because he gets to a partner like you. You are beautiful, have a heart of an angel, you are amazing with kids and on top of all that you are an amazing cook. You are a complete package for a wife."
"You Sir, give me too much credit. I am not perfect. I can be very naïve and idealistic at times, so outside of the providence I don't know if I have anything to offer to Noctis. Also, I think I will be the aggressor in our relationship as I don't like to wait passively for this to happen, so I don't know if Noctis would like that. Lastly, as you often say I can be stubborn and I am rarely honest with myself."
"Your qualities outshine your perceived flaws."
Luna blushed at hearing Leon's compliment.
Not wanting to embarrass herself any further, she changed the topic. "Oh, I am getting so forgetful lately. I forgot the most important thing." She grabbed her trident in the right hand and stood up. She chanted some sort of spell as Leon eyed her curiously. Soon, golden energy started radiating from her body and slowly it expanded to cover the whole heaven. Spectral particles danced around her as she waved her trident in a circular motion. She closed her eyes as a divine glow surrounded her. She looked nothing short of an angel. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes as the spectral particles descended downwards like rainfall. The ground absorbed all the particles and gave out the blue ethereal radiance. Once all the energy was absorbed in the ground, Luna quietly sat back next to Leon.
Leon noticed that she was breathing heavily and was out of breath. He waited for her to recover before asking her what was on his mind.
"What was that?" Leon asked, no longer able to hold back his curiosity.
"Oracle's blessing. One of the duties of Oracle is to bless Havens to repel demons so people can rest here peacefully when nightfall," she replied with a hint of pride in her voice.
"The Oracle conveys Astral's will to mankind, provide spiritual guidance, heals people, and even repel demons. All very essential things for the stability of this world. It still boggles my mind that someone as important as you travel alone," he said with a facepalm.
"Who said I was alone? I have you," she deflected his concerns with a smile.
"That does not count. Do you know what kind of trouble the world would be in if anything were to happen to you?" he restated his concerns.
"The world would be just fine. People are more resilient than we think," she placed her left hand on Leon's right hand reassuringly. "When faced with despair people often find courage, they did not know they had. I am just someone who makes things a little easier for them, that's all."
"You are too modest. You don't realize your own worth," Leon said in disbelief, shaking his head.
'It's funny, how you could be important to the whole world, but sometimes all your heart desire is to be important to just that one person whom you love.' She thought to herself.
It was still too early to go to sleep, and it was starting to get slightly chilly. While Leon stroked the fire, Luna returned from the tent wearing one of Leon's jacket. They both sat side by side basking in the warmth of the fire.
Ever since they met, it was like some invisible string of fate was pulling them closer to each other. Ever since they first laid eyes on each other, they felt the familiarity that cannot be described in words. They felt as if they had known each other for eternity. When they were together, they felt complete. But now that they knew more about each other's life, everything feels different.
Their earlier conversation kept playing his mind on a repeat mode.
"Do you love Noctis?"
"Yes, I would like to believe so."
"I'd rather marry Noctis than anyone else."
"Luna, will being with Noctis make you happy?" "Yes, it will."
'Don't get too close to her, Squall. She clearly loves Noctis. She will walk away with her prince charming and live happily ever after, and the only thing you would be left with is a broken heart.'
'So, you are saying that she had absolutely no feeling for me? What about all the time we have spent together? What about everything we have been through together? What about her care and compassion for me?'
Two voices were arguing within him. One he assumed was his mind, and another was his heart.
'You idiot. She has lived most of her life in isolation. You are probably the closest thing she has to a friend. She is clinging on to you as a friend, not as her lover. She said it herself that she would rather marry Noctis than anyone else. Besides, she is already someone's fiancé, it is an honorable thing to respect that and back off. She is already taken.'
'I agree. I will never say that I love her, it's not honest, but it's an honorable thing to do.'
'As a soldier, you have fought, hurt and even killed people. You have committed lots of sins for honor, for the country or for some Astral. But one sin you should never commit is trying to deviate her from her path. She is a noblewoman fighting for a noble cause. The future of this world relies on her shoulders and if she fails to fulfill her calling, then everyone in this world would be doomed and it would all be your fault. That would be your sin to bear. She is carrying lots of burdens and if you cannot help her carry that weight the least you can do is not to add to it.'
'But... what about me? I think...I love her.'
'Then tell me, what do you have to offer to her? If she marries Noctis, she will be the queen. She will have a comfortable and royal lifestyle, people will bow down to her, she will have an army to protect her, and on top of all that, she will be with the one she loves. What do you have to offer her in exchange for all this? You are vagrant who does menial chores to make your ends meet, you couldn't even protect her properly last time, and on top of all that you might disappear forever on a whim of an Astral. What is she left with then? A broken heart and a miserable life. Is that what you want her future to be?'
'No, I want nothing but happiness for her.'
'If you truly mean that, then you would do well to realize that her best shot at happiness is with Noctis. Remember what she said? Rather than being with the one you love, doing what's best for them is better. When you love someone, their happiness is all that matters to you, not your sacrifice for it. If her happiness is all that matters to you then do what's best for her, let her go.'
'Let her go...'
'Besides, someone is waiting for you back home. What about her loyalty to you? Does that mean nothing to you? Are you going to just abandon her? If Luna can wait 12 years for her love, then so can you.'
'Yes, you are right, I must be loyal to her. I cannot let her down. She might still be waiting for me.'
'Good, then we are in agreement. This madness needs to end.'
They both sat there silently staring at the flames in front of them while trying to calm the flames from within.
Her battle was not much easier than his.
'Wake up, Luna. You have lived in this fantasy for far too long. Your calling is to be with the King, not with some stranger you met a few days ago. You have a role to play and responsibility to fulfill towards this world. You can't abandon the whole world for one guy. You can't plunge the whole world into darkness so you can be with your light.'
'Yes, I shall never do that. I have sacrificed my body for Noctis, but I guess I am required to sacrifice my heart too.'
'Yes, that is your duty and your destiny.'
'But I don't think I am strong enough to do that. I have feelings for Leon, perhaps even stronger than my feelings for Noctis. I sincerely believe that I love him.'
'That is foolish. What about your future? If you are with King Noctis, then you will be the queen of Lucis. You will have all the comfort in this world, a kingdom to rule, an army at your disposal.'
'I don't care about any of that.'
'But you should, because being with Noctis would ensure you that you are not required to sacrifice anything ever again.'
'Except for my heart?'
'So, you don't love Noctis?'
'I do love him too. I think.'
'You can't love two people at the same time. It's not fair to either of them. You have to pick one and let go of the other.'
'But I don't want to pick...'
'You would have to. The longer you delay this, the more you would end up hurting everyone.'
'I don't want to hurt either of them.'
'But you are. I don't know why you are even struggling with this choice. If you think about it, you only really have one option.'
'I know. My fate was decided even without my consent.'
'Being with Noctis, eradicating the plague of darkness and helping people: isn't that what you always wanted?'
'Yes, that's all I ever wanted until recently.'
'Let me entertain you for a bit. Let's say you decide to be with Leon. Once you complete your journey, he will disappear and just leave you behind. What will you do then? Live out the rest of your life in his memories? Abandon your duties for a guy who won't even be there for you?'
'I am sure we can figure out some way to keep him here.'
'Hahahahaha you think he will stay?'
'Yes, I believe he loves me too.'
'Foolish, foolish, child. He already loves someone. The one he danced with, the one he jumped out into space for, the one he tore the fabric of space-time for, that's the one he loves. Not you. He is only putting up with you so he can be with her.'
'But what about everything he does for me? What about all the care he shows for me?'
'He is just doing his duty; didn't he say that himself?
"My mission is to protect you and everything I did was to advance my mission."
"I would do it in a heartbeat for you. It's my duty to protect you so I'll do anything to for you."
'You are nothing more a means to an end. Sooner he can help you, the sooner he can get away from you.'
'No, I refuse to believe that. I think he truly loves me.'
'He loves you because he sees her in you. He is not good with people, yet he is very comfortable with you. Why do you think that is? When you were unconscious for days, he would take care of you, talk to you, always stayed with you. He barely knew you back then so why do you think he did that? I always thought that it was odd, but now I know why. It was because he saw her in you.'
His words from earlier in the day playing in her mind:
"It wasn't until she was in a coma that I realized how much I missed her. I had fallen for her and I didn't even know about it. I would talk to her all the time, even though she was in a coma."
'Every time he fought for you, every time he fought with you, every time he blushed, every time he cared, even him being here with you is because he sees her in you. It was all for her. He is just filling up the void in his heart with you. Is that the kind of man you want to leave everything for? You are nothing more than a substitute to him.'
'Besides, have you stopped and thought about Noctis? He has lost his father, his kingdom, and if he loses you imagine his suffering. You being with Noctis is the best thing for you, the people of our countries and the fate of this world. Do not mess this up.'
'I guess you are right. I would do best to keep my distance from Leon going forward.'
They sat there by the fire, stealing glances at each other. When their eyes meet, they looked away quickly either from shyness or to hide their pain.
After a long silence, Luna finally spoke, "Leon, about us." She gathered her thought once again to make sure what she was going to say came out right. "I don't think we should…" she couldn't finish the sentence. But Leon understood what she meant and replied, "Yes, I agree."
It amazed her how much they could communicate in so few words. She was thankful that Leon understood what she was trying to say because saying it out loud would have been painful.
He got up and went back to the tent with pain evident on his face. She sat there alone as tears streamed down from her eyes. They both knew things would never be the same again between them.
Author's Notes:
This chapter's question: Who is Karen (FFVIII)? What the connection between 'Tantalus Theater Troupe,' 'Wishing Upon A Star,' and 'I Want to Be Your Canary' and Lord Avon? (easy)
Please leave a comment if you've enjoyed the story so far. I would love to hear your thoughts. Or at least say 'Hi' so I know you are reading this. Thanks :)