Maurice had just gone down the Slowpoke Well. He wondered how he got into this mess. He could get how the old man would want to go down to help the Slowpokes. Only he went in Leroy Jenkins. Old fool. Noble, but still a fool. "All right, the place will be crawling with Rockets, so we have to rely on stealth. No matter how strong we are, we are outnumbered."
"Be weawwy, weawwy quiet, we'we hunting Wockets!" Jinx said while wearing a deerstalker hat and holding a cork gun.
"So hopefully when we keep quiet, we should draw no attention. We sneak up, take them out from the shadows, and by the time they catch on, they'll be diminished enough to no longer be a threat." Maurice noted.
"Sounds like a good idea, master." Marigold said. "Can I break some bones?"
"Maybe." Maurice said flatly. "Anyhow…I am counting on all of you. Morrigan, Marigold, Jinx, Apricorn guy…APRICORN GUY?" the weird Apricorn-obsessed guy was indeed here. "Why are you here?"
"I feel a lot of apricorniness in this area, I have to investigate it. APRICORNS!" he said.
"Pipe down. There are Rockets around here. If they find out that we're here, we're in trouble. So be quiet!" Maurice sneered.
"So, I don't talk about Apricorns?" Apricorn guys asked.
"You don't talk about anything, not make any sound. Otherwise we are dead!" Maurice snapped.
"But if I can't talk about Apricorns, what good is life?" Apricorn guy asked.
"You need to get your priorities straight…you can talk about Apricorns later, if you shut up right now, okay?" Maurice said, desperate to shut the idiot up.
The Apricorn Guy looked like the in his head stopped working. "I need Apricorns NOW!" he started to shout.
"NOBODY CARES ABOUT APRICORNS!" Maurice shouted back. "Oh damn, now you have me doing it." Maurice then looked around and saw countless guys and girls in black and red 'R's on their outfit. "Oh, put me in the daycare."
"Why did you cause us to get caught?" the Apricorn guy asked dumbly.
"I can break his bones." Marigold suggested.
"Too late." Maurice sighed. He raised his arms.
"So you thought you could get the drop on the glorious Proton…I mean Team Rocket. Def Team Rocket as a whole. Not just our glorious and handsome admin Proton." One of the Rocket's female grunts said as she gestured at her boss.
"Er…thank you for the introduction, Juno." The admin said, raising an eyebrow. The other Rockets rolled their eyes at her. Proton cleared his throat. "I see we got another few nosy people, a kid and…I don't know what he is."
"APRICORNS!" the Apricorn guy said.
"I don't know either." Maurice admitted. "So, any of you saw an old man come by?"
"Oh, you mean old Kurt? The make of Apricorn-based? Yeah, tried to take us on and threw out his back." Proton noted. "He is in our gentle care."
"I hope you don't mean that in a villain way where he is actually not in gentle care and is being hurt in Mukky conditions." Maurice pointed out.
"Yeah, you better not have hurt the old guy…" Apricorn guy said. Maurice hoped the obsessed idiot had a moment of clarity. "I want to talk with him about the glory of Apricorns." And there it went.
"I hope the author writes him out of the story soon enough, he drives me sane." Jinx noted.
Proton wanted to ask what the crazy Zubat meant, but instead decided to reply to the first question. "No! I'm a Rocket, not a monster." He threw up his hands. "I have standards!"
"Apologize to the glorious and sexy respectful Proton for doubting his integrity." Juno said.
"Glorious and what?" Proton asked.
"Respected." Juno quickly corrected herself.
"Anyhow, we're going to lock you up, we finish what we're doing and we'll be off." Proton noted.
"Yeah, we need to gather Slowpoke Tails." A Rocket Grunt said.
"Yeah we…" Proton stopped mid-sentence. "Joe, what was that about Slowpoke Tails?"
"Me and the boys started cutting them off, like you asked to." Joe said.
"No! That's horrific. I didn't ask that." Proton said. "I just asked you to get me a soy latte. How can you mishear 'Soy latte' for 'cutting Slowpoke Tails'?" Proton said throwing his hands in the air and mumbling. Juno handed him a coffee cup. "Ah, soy latte. Thanks, Juno."
"You're welcome." Juno said. And started staring at Proton's arse as he turned around to address Joe again.
"Seriously what the hell is wrong with you?" Proton asked.
"Well it made sense at the time. Slowpoketails are a delicatesse in Kalos and they are expensive…" Joe noted.
"No! No! No! No more Slowpoketails! Seriously, the guys I have to work with, that's the last time I take interns for the summer!" Proton said.
"He's in intern? What job intern agency assigns people to Team Rocket?" Maurice asked.
"People whom ticked off someone at the agency." Proton replied.
"What'd you do to tick him off?" Maurice asked Joe.
"Slept with his sister." Joe replied.
"If you are not going to cut up and sell Slowpoketails, then what are you guys doing here?" Maurice asked.
"Growing pot." Proton noted as he sipped his latte.
"Yeah…I am just going to take the old man and leave. And I really want to murder the idiot for cutting Slowpoketails. That's just not ok." Maurice added.
"You're free to do so." Proton noted. Right before he was hit between the eyes with an Apricorn and knocked out.
"Apricorn guy, what the frick?" Maurice asked.
"They wouldn't stop talking about annoying things that are Apricorns!" Apricorn guy said.
"And no one wants to talk about annoying things that are Apricorns." Maurice growled.
"They hit our most handsome leader…" Juno said. "He's still handsome with a bruise but this attack cannot go unpunished."
"'They'? I'm not with this guy!" Maurice said.
"Destroy them, for the glory for Proton…I mean Team Rocket!" Juno said.
"Is she second in command?" one Rocket asked.
"She is the one with her head up Proton's ass the most out of all of us, so she has to be." Another Rocket said. "So let's go with it." They all started sending out their Pokémon.
"I'll cut off their Pokémon's tails!" Joe said holding out a knife.
"Joe, not cool man!" another Rocket said, whom looked disgusted at him.
"I hope that Proton wouldn't mind me handling his Balls while he's unconscious." Juno said.
"Girl, I know you're thirsty but you don't feel up a guy that's out co-oh, you meant the Pokéballs." A Rocket said as he saw Juno summon Proton's Zubat and Koffing.
"I'm admittingly besotted with Proton but I'm still respectful of his body!"
"Let's end this because this is getting more awkward and crazy then being an epic battle scene." Maurice noted. "Okay Marigold, you can break some bones now. Morrigan, lunch! Jinx…I would say 'go crazy!' but it's you so it's 'do what you do best!' Angel, stay in Daddy's backpack so you can stay safe." He turned to the Apricorn guy. "Those guys said they wished Apricorns never existed."
"BLASPHEMY!" Apricorn guy said as he charged in towards the Rockets…and then was sent swarmed, punched and kicked by Rockets and Pokémon.
"I don't know what I was expecting." Maurice said as he grabbed the Apricorn Guy's leg and started using him as a living weapon to smash into the Rockets. "I am beating up a Motherbreeder with another Motherbreeder!"
"I am happily breaking bones for my Master!" Marigold said as she shocked any Pokémon and Rocket around her. And tackling them really hard. "I love serving my master!"
"Anyone seen Joe?" one of the Rockets asked.
Morrigan belched and Joe's hat flew out of her mouth, covered in saliva. Joe's voice could be heard from her belly: "This isn't so bad. It's bigger then my last apartment."
As Maurice was beating up Rockets, another Rocket tried sneaking up on him. Angel poked her head out of the backpack. The Rocket said. "Awww…" Then Angel's eyes glowed, as did her hands, and she started to throw the Rockets around the cave, making pinball sounds every time they hit something.
Jinx had set up an entire stage, with a guitar, mic and amplifiers. She started to very loudly sing in the microphone. Maurice and his mons put their fingers into their ears as Jinx unleashed her unique take on Supersonic.
I could go supersonic
The problem's chronic
Tell me does life exist beyond it
When I need to sate
I just accelerate
Into oblivion
Into oblivi yah yah yah yah yah yah yan
In the end, all Rockets were defeated. Rather easily. "You know, I thought this would be harder. But that's what you get when your team consists of interns!" Maurice noted.
"I broke femurs!" Marigold noted. Morrigan blinked.
"I don't know what we are talking about!" Jinx said in a very cheery tone.
"Boom!" Angel chirped.
"Ouch, my freakin' head…" Proton noted as he got up and his Rockets were all battered, bruised and scorched, and so were their Pokémon. "What the Distortion World happened here?"
"We kicked your collective asses. At least me and my team did. This guy…" Maurice pointed at the Apricorn Guy, whom was also badly bruised. "Not so much."
"Apricorns…" the Apricorn guy said weakly.
"That's what you get for letting your fighting be done by interns." Proton noted as he massaged his temple. "Let's just get out of here. Koffing, Smokescreen!" The badly battered Koffing let out his last energy for his smokescreen to cover their escape.
"Cough-cough! I got it in my mouth!"
"Warn us next time!"
"My asthma!"
When the smoke cleared, they were all gone. Maurice sighed. "Well, that just happened. Am I a hero? I don't feel like a hero."
"You are a hero to all of us." Jinx noted. Morrigan nodded.
"You sure are, dude!" Joe said.
"How did you get out?" Maurice asked.
"Don't ask." Joe said. There was an awkward pause. "I'm skedaddling now!" Joe said as he walked off.
"How much weirder can things get?" Maurice asked.
"Dude, this place is great. They grow pot here!" the old man from earlier said, smoking something. "I am Kurt. I make Pokéballs. Heh, Balls!" He inhaled some more. "This s*** is good for my glaucoma!"
"Well…I guess I'll call Nurse Joy to treat the Slowpokes." Maurice noted.
"Apricorns…" Apricorn guy said weakly, still battered and bruised.
"NODBODY CARES!" Maurice shouted at the obnoxious guy.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Well, that was a trip." Maurice noted as he was at the PokéCenter cafetaria, enjoying his Volcano Burger.
"I think the old guy already did that." Jinx noted.
"At least the Slowpokes will be all right." Maurice noted as he took a moment to put down his burger and scoop some porridge into a happy Angel's mouth.
"Hello weakling!" a voice noted. A very hated voice.
"Arceus damnit, not this guy again." Maurice said as he turned to Silver. "So what's it this time? You want to talk about your Lord and Savior, your Enormous Stupidity?"
"I heard you fought Team Rocket. Only a weakling like you would beat on other weaklings." Silver noted. "That's the only way you'll feel strong."
"For your information, I defeated you." Maurice said as he dipped a fry into some mayo.
"Once! And it will not happen again. I am stronger now, I'll be able to defeat you now." Silver noted. "I challenge you."
"I would rather have lunch and challenge Bugsey first. And Angel will need a nap." Maurice said as he spooned more food into Angel's mouth.
"Now that is really pathetic, you caring for such a small and weak creature." Silver noted.
"That's what your mom had to do with you, you troglodyte." Maurice noted.
"Stop making fun of me!" Silver shouted.
"Stop giving me ammo, then." Maurice noted.
"Stop treating me like I'm not important!" Silver threw a tantrum.
"I'm sorry, my Moms taught me not to tell lies." Maurice said. Angel blew a raspberry at Silver. The guy grew mad and reached for Angel. "Touch her and you'll be losing your arms. You'll have to ask your Psychorita to wipe your butt."
Silver stumbled back a bit, sweating nervously. "You know what, You're not worth my time. But I'll be generous and amuse you. After you beat Bugsey or rather if, I'll be waiting." He then grabbed one of Maurice's burgers and took a bite of it. He tried to act tough…but then screamed like a little girl as his head was red as a Tamato Berry, steam came from his mouth and ears and he ran around the Pokécenter like a looney before grabbing a carton of Moo Moo milk and chugging it down.
"Guy can't handle his Volcano Burgers, go figure." Maurice noted as he took another bite of his own, deliciously spicy burger.
Silver realized too late the milk carton he took was from a little girl, and her very muscular and beefcake Dad was not happy about it. Silver ended up in the emergency ward, and was to share the room with a very unwelcome roommate.
"Apricorns…"
"I hate my life." Silver noted.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Well, Badge time!" Maurice said as he was at the Azalea gym, with Bugsey having returned he was ready for the next challenge. "Let's get to it!"
It's a time as any to cut it off here
Even if the chapter kind of rough.
"Of course!" Maurice sighed.
The author wanted to add another segment
But he said 'This is good enough'.
"What author?" Maurice asked.
Updates are not as frequent but hope it was still quite fun
"To me it isn't!" Maurice pointed out.
We love to amuse you guys but now we got to run
The journey is still starting out
But Maurice is already done
With everything because…
Maurice, Maurice, Maurice
Hates everyone!
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hello everyone, Jinx here. And I think we didn't get enough me in this chapter. So I'll make up for it and share you five of my worldly wisdoms.
Number one, when eating something healthy like fruits, don't forget to eat unhealthy foods like burgers as well so your chi remains in balance. I def got something mixed up but I'm too hungry to care.
Never smile at a Totodile. Don't tip your hat or start to talk a while. Don't run, walk away. Say goodnight, not good day. Clear the isle and never smile at Mr. Totodile. Mrs. Totodile in the other hand is much friendlier, and she bakes brownies.
If you are taking the Durple direction, never follow the orange polkadot Poffin. She will take your money.
It turns out that if you're pansexual you don't have to go to the kitchen to have sex. Though it is kinky.
And finally, if someone asks about the noodle incident, I will neither confirm or deny it would involve a Wooloo, Elesa and ten crates of evolution stones. In fact there were no noodles at all. But I like calling it that because it sounds funny. And I'm still hungry. It was also not even a wisdom but who cares, you expected me to be consistent?
This was Jinx, signing out this chapter. Arrivederci!"