Chapter 5

The Passing Seasons

Aihara Kotoko hummed happily to herself as she walked towards the Special Education Building of Kyoto University. A wide smile on her face, the young woman literally hugged herself in glee as she looked back on the last few days — she had finally received her bachelor's degree in Special Education and remembering the tears of joy running down her father's face, the wide smiles of Jinko, Satomi and Kinnosuke who had all taken the shinkansen from Tokyo to attend her graduation ceremony, Kotoko felt the warm glow of happiness deep in her heart. After graduation, Aihara Shigeo had treated Kotoko and her longtime friends to a nice dinner before all four of them returned to Tokyo the following day.

The still fashionable Satomi was now a married woman, with baby Yuuki keeping her busy — she had married her long time boyfriend Ryo during their last year of college and while her in-laws had been less than pleased that the baby came only a few months after the rushed wedding, Satomi was happy with her life choices. Jinko for her part had begun working her dream job right out of college at an independent music label. She didn't make a lot of money but was blissful in the pursuit of her career. Kinnosuke, once he had finally given up his dream of winning Kotoko, had finally settled down, showing great promise as Shigeo's chef-successor.

Her faculty adviser had invited her to a meeting regarding a possible job placement and the young woman was excited to see what was in store for her.

The years had been more than kind to Kotoko who had blossomed from the awkward girl she was to the young woman she was now - and more than one set of male eyes followed her lithe form with appreciation as she crossed the campus to her destination. The long wavy hair was still there — but now it was tidy in a low bun at the base of her neck, her graceful neck rising swanlike from the collar of her dress. Gone were the pink bows that looked as if butterflies had perched on her ear tresses and the fussy hairstyles that had looked childish even then. Her clothing was more muted as well, although she loved the colour pink, Kotoko more often than not now wore the neutral greys, whites and blacks Satomi had advised her all those years ago when she had asked for a makeover. Occasionally, a touch of pink of would appear in a flower, a small brooch or a scarf — as if Kotoko's lively personality had to burst out somewhere amidst the muted tones of her clothing — but the frills and furbelows were gone. She was still a tiny girl, but she wore her new confidence like a mantle and it showed in the bounce of her step, the determined set of her shoulders and the confident tilt of her head.

While the outward package had changed, the biggest change was in the way the young woman carried herself. Kotoko still being Kotoko, she still was occasionally clumsy, sometimes loud, always enthusiastic and she still had the huge heart that went out to meet anyone halfway, thinking more about others than herself. But gone was the self-conscious shuffle, the hunched shoulders and eyes cast to the ground.

At 24, Aihara Kotoko had achieved what she had set out to do — she finally learned to love herself.

And it showed in her calmer demeanour and more confident bearing. The bright eyes and big smile were still there however, and it was these that caught the eye of several lovelorn young men in her college. To their disappointment however, Kotoko never dated anyone seriously in Kyoto University. She would sometimes agree to go out on dates but she would always insist that it be in a group and it was very rare that she went out with a man more than twice, usually gently explaining to them at the end of the second date that she would be happy to be friends but that that was all she could offer. Rumour had it that she was still in love with a former sweetheart back in Tokyo — but she never confirmed the rumours, usually dismissing such talk with a charming smile, a quick flush of colour and a quick denial. But the faraway look in her eyes, and her gentle yet firm rejection of several confessions had made it very clear that she was not looking for a romantic relationship.

It was spring once again and the campus was somewhat empty after the graduation, and because the underclassmen were on spring break. Kotoko noticed that the cherry blossoms were beginning to bud although were not yet in full bloom. She smiled, looking up somewhat lost in reverie as she tripped. For a long time, spring had made her sad but then she had become so engrossed in her studies, then she had moved to Kyoto and made new friends and a new life —- and she had found that the sight of sakura could make her smile once again.

Admiring the flowers, in typical Kotoko fashion, she missed the step down from the sidewalk and fell to the pavement, hitting a passerby on her way down, her bag and coat flying in opposite directions.

"Are you ok?" A deep voice accompanied the hand that helped her up. Kotoko looked up to meet the sparkling eyes of her rescuer, a young man about her age or perhaps a bit younger, who smiled at her obvious embarrassment.

"Oops sorry." Kotoko apologized, "Gomen for troubling you, did I hurt you?"

"Don't worry about it — I was actually worried I caused you to fall – you're quite the tiny little thing aren't you?" The young man said, though his appreciative smile indicated that her diminutive size was something he actually appreciated as he helped her retrieve her fallen things.

"Ah yes…sorry about that. My Outosan always joked that I'm pocket-sized for convenience." Kotoko said half jokingly, and then flushed, not quite sure why this young man made her feel so self-conscious. She hurriedly dusted off her knees and flashed him a shy smile.

"Shall we try it then?" The young man asked in a flirtatious tone. "See if you fit in my pocket?"

"Ha ha.. well, anyway thank you for coming to my rescue — Do I uhh…look presentable?" She asked a bit embarrassedly and then blushed, wondering what she was doing talking so familiarly with this complete stranger.

The young man looked her up and down appraisingly, a smile on his face and an admiring look in his eyes. "You look perfect."

"Gomen…sorry for such a strange question. I have a meeting with my faculty adviser and wanted to make a good impression." Kotoko said gratefully "It would have been a lot worse if you hadn't broken my fall."

"Your adviser? Are you a student there?" He asked nodding his head toward the Faculty of Special Education Building to their left where she seemed to have been headed before her little accident.

"Ah…well, actually I just graduated but I am meeting Dr. Kamogari who was my adviser, about a job, I hope. And you?" Kotoko said.

"No, I was just visiting someone. But well in that case, I won't keep you — but feel free to fall into my pocket anytime." The young man said and with a jaunty salute started to walk off on his way.

"…because I have a good feeling I'll see YOU again Aihara Kotoko." He said to himself with a small smile as he gave her a small bow and then turned and walked off to catch a train back to Tokyo.

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Kotoko stood still for a minute, waiting for her heart to stop pounding. Truly, she was confused by her reaction to the stranger — it was not like she had not met any attractive young men while she had been in Kyo-dai, she had even gone out on a few dates with some of them. But she had not been flustered this way — certainly not since Nao…

After a minute, she shook herself mentally, deciding she was just shaken from her near accident and as had been a habit she had painstakingly cultivated over the recent years, she nipped any thoughts of Irie Naoki in the bud. Straightening her clothing (and checking her knees for any damage, relieved to find none), she proceeded to the Faculty building to her meeting.

"Konnichiwa Kamogari-sensei!" Kotoko smiled and bowed politely as she entered her faculty adviser's office.

"Konnichiwa Kotoko-san, why don't you take a seat?" Dr. Kamogari said, smiling at the young woman who had become one of her favorite students over the years.

Kotoko was a bit older than Dr. Kamogari's other students, she had come as a transfer from Tonan University in Tokyo and had had to repeat her 2nd year in college to qualify for the special education teaching program. In fact, Dr. Kamogari as the dean of the Special Education program had accepted Kotoko's application despite her mediocre academic history only because the girl had come with the very high recommendation of Dr. Kamogari's good friend and colleague Suzuki-san who had been Kotoko's guidance counsellor in Tonan University.

When she had met Kotoko for the first time and heard her story, the older woman had been impressed by the young woman's determination, what she had accomplished after only a year of working with Suzuki-san and her passion and determination to help children who were suffering what she had, having only been properly assessed to be dyslexic as an adult.

Given that Kotoko had never had the benefit of a special education designed for dyslexic children and being in an environment that was ruthlessly standardised, designed for the typically-abled students, Dr. Kamogari was in fact greatly amazed and impressed that the girl had not only managed to graduate high school but to also survive Tonan University despite her learning disability.

During her interview, it had been Dr. Kamogari who had revealed to Kotoko how high she had scored on the IQ assessment, albeit it was a special one designed for persons with Kotoko's learning challenges – and the young woman had broken down in tears.

For herself, Kotoko had not even wanted to apply to a university as prestigious as Kyo-dai because she had always been told that she was stupid and slow. It had been with the encouragement, counselling and help of Dr. Suzuki in Tokyo that Kotoko realized that all these years, she had NOT been the baka that everyone ridiculed her to be — it was simply that she learned and processed information differently than most people. Once she had learned the tools and mechanisms that she could use to process information the way that she needed to, Kotoko quickly levelled up and excelled. While she was never going to be a genius, it was clear that Kotoko was above average – and this, coupled with her determination allowed her to quickly make up the work she had been so behind on.

And suddenly it became crystal clear to Kotoko what she wanted to do with her life — she would study, and study hard to learn to be a teacher to help other children who had been like her. And for the first time that night, she slept without crying bitter tears for Irie Naoki.

When Suzuki-sempai had encouraged her to apply to Kyoto University, telling her that it had one of the best special education programs in the country, Kotoko had expressed her self doubt and extreme hesitation. The program was not only expensive, there was also her fear that she was not smart enough for such a prestigious institution as Kyoto University. Also, Kotoko was afraid to move to Kyoto away from her father and to live alone for the first time in her 20 years. But a discussion with Aihara Shigeo had convinced Kotoko that such a move would be beneficial to her — she would be this close to achieving her dream and perhaps, he thought, it would help her move on more quickly if she left Tokyo behind for a while.

"So Kotoko, have you thought about what you're going to do now that you've graduated? Will you be staying in the Kansai area or will you be moving back to Tokyo?" Dr. Kamogari asked, smiling approvingly at her protégée, bringing Kotoko back from her foray into her memories. She would miss this girl and her cheerful smile.

"I have not really decided Kamogari-san. I suppose it would depend on where I can find a position. I haven't given up my apartment here in Kyoto yet but my lease is up at the end of the month so I need to decide soon. I have made plans to visit my father in Tokyo next week but beyond that, I'm afraid it is still a bit up in the air." Kotoko responded. "You mentioned over the telephone that you had found a possible placement for me?"

"As it happens, Dr. Suzuki called me last night, Tonan is piloting a special education program for their grade school department and she wanted me to ask you if you would be interested."

"To…Tonan?" Kotoko asked, a bit overwhelmed, swallowing a lump in her throat that had appeared out of nowhere.

"You would be working directly with Dr. Suzuki and the University Hospital. The Pyschology department and the pediatric department of the hospital would be identifying potential candidates for the program from their patients and Dr. Suzuki will be running the educational end of things. Are you interested? It wouldn't just be children with learning disabilities Kotoko-san, some of them are handicapped or have been sick so long that they can't integrate in regular school right away." Dr. Kamogari explained. "I think that it would be a wonderful place to start your career and you would be helping so many underprivileged children."

"How…how soon does Suzuki-sensei need to know my answer? Kotoko asked. Her heart was pounding — she always knew that she would need to return to Tokyo at some point, but she had not expected it to be so soon, and she was unsure if she was ready to return to the city she had left in tears all those years ago.

"Well the new school year will start soon but there are administrative matters that need to be set up before then and Suzuki-san will need help with those tasks." Dr. Kamogari replied. "Can you think about about it and let me know in a week's time? If you decide not to do it, I am sure we can find something else for you — but Kotoko-san, this is a wonderful opportunity because Suzuki-san is setting up the program from scratch - you would have the opportunity to provide input on the program from the very start. "

"I will think about it and let you know Kamogari-sensei. It's just…I..well I guess it just haven't really considered returning to that place — Tonan, that is…all my friends have graduated now and I won't know..anyone." Kotoko rambled on distractedly. She couldn't say anything to Dr. Kamogari but the truth was, she had said her goodbyes to Tonan and all its bad memories when she had left for Kyo-dai.

"Take your time Kotoko-san, you have a week to think about it." Dr. Kamogari said, patting the young woman's hand. "And as for not knowing anyone there, wouldn't it be probably the same wherever it is you start a new job? As it happens, you'll be with your mentor Suzuki-san — and I can't recall if I may or may not have mentioned this to you, but my son Keita is a nursing student at Tonan Hospital – he has his nursing license but is working towards a sub-specialization in pediatric nursing there. I am sure you and he would get along well. He was just here actually, I mentioned you to him but I should have thought about introducing the two of you but he had to rush to catch his train back to Tokyo."

"Arigato gozaimas Kamogari-sensei." Kotoko bowed and took her leave, her mind troubled by the choice she needed to make. "I will let you know my answer before the end of the week." Completely missing Dr. Kamogari's last comment and failing to make the connection, a somewhat troubled young woman left.

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That evening, Kotoko sat on the tiny balcony off the side of her apartment looking over at the city as the late afternoon darkened to dusk, then the dusk gave way to the velvety darkness of evening and until small pinpricks of light began blooming in the night. Her thoughts were heavy with remembrances — she had loved the last three years of her life in Kyoto – it was close enough for her father to make his occasional visits, but far away enough from Tokyo and its memories.

To be sure, once Kotoko had shaken the dust of Tokyo from her shoes, she and her father had somehow created an unspoken rule of never speaking of the reasons why she had left. It was the same with Jinko and Satomi — and even Kin-chan, on the rare occasions they spoke — it was as if Irie Naoki had never existed in Kotoko's world.

(Although even if she tried not to think of him, there were still times when her thoughts would drift to the serious eyed young man she had loved so much, and she would wonder if he thought of her too. Still, with the passing of time, the sharp edges of her last memories had dulled and Kotoko could think of Naoki without feeling like the memories cut into her skin — and there were even times when she could laugh at herself ruefully, understanding why she had irritated him so — having realised how annoying and foolish she had been to stalk him all those years ago, the ridiculous and childish stunts she had pulled to either spy on him or catch his attention and remembering the way she persistently dogged his every step even when he made it clear he had wanted no part of her.)

Kotoko had occasionally corresponded with Mrs. Irie whom she still loved like a mother — but it was done to ensure that her exact whereabouts were kept a secret, otherwise, Shigeo said, Mrs. Irie would be on the next train o Kyoto. So Shigeo never revealed where Kotoko was and Kotoko's letter's were hand delivered by Shigeo to Irie Noriko so that there was never a return address. In the beginning, Mrs. Irie had been her persistent, determined self in trying to determine where Kotoko was but Kotoko had been adamant that while she was doing well, she needed the time away from the family to move on. Eventually it became so that Mrs Irie never asked anymore and Kotoko volunteered no information about where she was beyond that she was no longer in Tokyo, that she was studying and that she was happy. So Irie Noriko too, put away her dreams of Kotoko and Naoki, though she kept the young woman still in her heart.

As she sat in the quiet of the dark, the young woman made her decision. It was time to stop running away. Whatever had happened between Irie Naoki and herself, it was time. She had grown up and for all she knew he had been happily married these past years — she had never asked and no one among her friends nor her father had ever dared mention him to her, not wanting to disturb the hard won equilibrium Kotoko had found for herself in Kyoto.

There was little chance of running into him anyway she thought, he must have graduated from Tonan several years ago. And perhaps he and Sahoko were not even living with his family, for she couldn't imagine the wealthy young heiress agreeing to live with her in-laws. If so, then perhaps with time, she could visit Obasama and Ojisama she thought. She smiled, thinking it would be nice to see them again and see how Yuki had grown up. He would be 17 now though in her mind, she remembered him still as her arch nemesis, tormentor — and on that last night before she left, her little brother.

With a sigh, knowing that her decision had been made, Kotoko returned inside her small apartment, her refuge, her home for the last four years and pulled out her phone to make the call.

"Moshi moshi? Outosan? I'm coming home."

AUTHORS NOTE: I love my version of Kotoko here She is still Kotoko-ish I think, but a bit more mature and introspective. The next chapter is where the story will actually begin in earnest, the first four leading up to this. I hope you stick around for the rest of it and drop me a review if you are enjoying the story so far.

Disclaimer : I do not own any part of Itazura Na Kiss — but this plot and story are mine.