I didn't think I'd add to this story, but a thought came to me after the S4 Pt.2 finale and...well, here we are.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own a thing in AOT.

Hope you enjoy the story, though! No fluff here, but check out my small EreMika fic series "Nightmares" if you'd like a little fluff.

Eren's stride faltered once he was far enough away from her door.

He paused against the hallway, shoving his hands into his pockets, then pulling them out and running his fingers through his hair, then back to his pockets. Bordering on frazzled, the titan shifter shook his head of the thoughts that were beginning to creep their way into his consciousness.

He felt breathless, as though no amount of air could fill his lungs.

Leaning against the wall made it all too easy to make out the sound of Mikasa's sobbing. His gut spasmed. He knew this would hurt, but he didn't think it would pain him this much.

No. Fight, dammit.

Eren didn't want to fight. He wanted only to yell, shout, pound his fist into the wall. Why couldn't he just crawl back into bed with her? His enemy in this moment was the deep-pitted longing to turn around.

Despite his own desires, he had to keep going. His legs began to take him further and further away from her. He'd already made his choice.

What choice?

He swallowed the lump in his throat and bit back the aching groan threatening to erupt from within him. Were he a younger version of himself, the sheer emotion of this moment might have caused him to trigger his titan to roar to life.

He was far past that now, he lamented. For a moment he mused that turning into a raging titan would have been easier than having to deal with whatever semblance of emotion he had left. He felt near-empty at this point.

This was not his first time leaving her to question his safety, his sanity, her own dedication to him. Eren knew each instance had hurt her deeply. He had come back without fail, though. And each time, she had received him without hesitation.

But this time was final. There would be no further reunions. No other moments in which the storminess of her eyes would ask him to come home regardless of what he had done. No more familiar red scarf framing the face he had known for half his life.

His hands balled into fists, a scowl twitched to life on his face as his gut twitched into another knot.

I don't understand why it has to be this way…

The look in her eyes nearly broke his resolve. Nearly.

In the end, she'd remember this night as just another instance in the list of ways he had hurt her. It was better this way.

Their night had meant more to him than he was willing to admit to himself, even knowing where his fate would lead next. He had kept up his facade this long, and there was just a little longer before it would all be over. She would know then.

He'd have the images of their hours together until the end. The memories flashed freshly in his mind now as he walked out into the pre-dawn twilight.

Eren glanced back at the building where he knew she would still be reeling from his actions.

Again.

He paused and ran a hand through his hair. All but one room was completely dark.

Mikasa's room.

"Fuck," he cursed quietly.

And then his mind pulled him back into the moments they had just shared.

Eren craved the feeling of her breath warm against his cheeks as their lips crashed together time and time again.

It all flashed in a loop in his mind's eye. Her onyx eyes boring into him with words neither could speak. The image of her raven bangs falling across her shy features as she looked up at him. The soft sounds she emitted as his hands wandered her body, the tangle of her short hair in his hands, her grip on his back as he let himself lose control.

His legs began moving again.

Selfishly, he hoped Mikasa would never forget the way their bodies curled together so perfectly. He willed himself to believe that no one would ever fit her the way he did.

Why do you always go so far away?

He had only a few years left of his life. Why did he need an enemy-less world, anyway?

He didn't.

Eren had known for a long time now that he himself had nothing to offer Mikasa. His life was never meant to be a long one, never meant to be the quiet happy one that she had yearned for since their youth.

But, fuck. You deserve it.

All he could do was try to get that peace for her. She had made it more difficult than it needed to be, though. A part of him urged his legs to turn back to her room. To pull her against him, feel her under him again.

Would he really never hear her voice again?

Eren willed himself to ingrain it in his being now. She had whispered his name huskily in his ear as their bodies intertwined. Nothing had ever awakened his senses more than that voice. Mikasa overwhelmed his senses that night.

He knew it was wrong to leave her in this way. He had known it might do more harm than good the moment he had grabbed her face and kissed her hungrily. Eren hadn't known that she would return it so readily. There had been no expectation for what came next. Wordlessly, she had led him to her bed, pulling him down into the sheets with her.

That night, their desire had taken over. It was the one thing he had chosen not to fight against.

Why hadn't we been doing this all along?

He'd do it again if he could.

For years and years, he'd do it again. Return to her for as long as she'd have him. Run away with her and stay by her side, even if the rest of the world crumbled around them.

But he couldn't. What kind of life would he leave behind for her, for their friends?

Why was he even having these ridiculous thoughts?

As he looked up at the dark sky then back at the window still dimly illuminated, a lump formed in his throat.. He attempted to fill his lungs with cool early morning air. For some reason, it burned.

Dammit. Fight. End this fucking cycle.

For once, he was putting her first. No matter the devastation he would leave in his wake, he would do what he had to do.

And there would be devastation in more ways than one. He knew that all too well. He didn't care, though.

They were all strong. She was strong. They'd just have to push past it and -fight!

Live.

He wished he had told her his intentions. He wished he had explained to her that he was so far from hating her, he might actually really love her. Maybe that's what had landed him in her room that night.

Eren hadn't known what to expect when his legs had walked him to her room in the middle of the night when he was supposed to be preparing to meet with the Jeagerists.

But it was almost involuntary, the motivation to see her just one last time before…

Maybe he thought he could explain.

You're a devil.

But he didn't explain anything to her. He only gave in to the raw desire that had hit him the minute he saw the bare skin of her legs under her nightshirt and the sleepy smile on her typically stoic features. Their subsequent hours of passion had been dizzying, but not nearly enough.

Eren had laid in her bed breathing her in for some time before deciding he couldn't let her know what he had planned or why. She'd only try to follow him, stop him, put herself in harm's way for him…

Again.

It would be better for her when the time came. Easier, perhaps, to hate him.

But, on Ymir and any gods out there…

Somehow he was at her door again.

As if on cue, his gut twisted tighter. He raised his fist to knock again. But before knuckle could meet wood, he heard…silence. She had probably cried herself to sleep by now. He dropped his arm to his side and stared morosely at the wood barring him from seeing her again.

"I don't hate you, Mikasa," he said softly and turned slowly on his heel.

He paused one last time to try to catch any sound emanating from her room. There was none. He'd only have the memories now.

Eren's stride was resolute this time as he took his walk to where he was to meet the Jeagerists.

You're a fucking devil.

And that's a wrap! I plan to post another one or two one-shots/drabbles soon, so be on the lookout!

Thank you for reading! Until next time.