"Speech"
'Joe's thoughts'
D the Stampede presents
Joe the Wanderer: Book One
Chapter Three-Joe's Shinobi Life Begins
One
The next morning, Joe was eating a breakfast of cereal in his new Hokage appointed apartment when an ANBU appeared in a swirl of leaves. Joe proceeded to choke on the bite of food in his mouth. After the coughing fit passed and he managed to swallow his mouthful, he swore at the ANBU, "What the fuck? Fucking rude ass ANBU, just appearing in my apartment like that."
"You're late in heading to your skill assessment, Chunin," the ANBU replied.
"Huh?"Joe said, checking his watch, "So I am. That doesn't mean you can just come in like that, damn it!"
"Actually, until the Hokage decides you're trustworthy, we ANBU can do just that," the ANBU replied, "So get your shinobi gear, get ready and move your ass."
"Fine!" Joe replied as in a fit of temper, he threw his spoon across the room and it's handle stuck in the wall over the sink. "Damn it!" he swore as he stood, walked over to the sink and washed his bowl out. He then walked to the bedroom to put on his Chunin uniform and strap his knives to his thighs. "Alright," he said, coming out of the bedroom, "I'm ready to go."
"Then, let's get going," the ANBU replied, grabbing Joe's shoulder and they both vanished in a swirl of leaves.
Two
They reappeared in another swirl of leaves in one of Konoha's many training grounds. "So, that's the Shunshin no Jutsu," Joe said in a forced calm voice, "Don't think I like it very much. I'm fighting to keep my breakfast in my stomach."
"Yes, it can have that effect on you the first time," he heard the Hokage say from behind him.
He turned to face the Hokage and was about to reply when he noticed the others. He then did speak, saying, "Hello, Hokage-Sama. You care to introduce me to the rest of the group?"
"Very well," the Hokage said, "These are my former teammates and advisors, Mitokado Homura and Utatane Koharu, the Jounin commander of Konoha, Nara Shikaku and the ANBU commander, Dragon."
"I'd say it was a pleasure to meet you all, but it'd be a lie," Joe said, "Anyway, I'm sure I don't need to introduce myself, but the name's Barton Joseph. I usually go by Joe, though. All that put aside, how is this skill test going to proceed?"
"Three of my Jounin will test your ability in their area of expertise," the Hokage stated.
"Funny, they seem to be running later then I was… Oh no, you have Hatake Kakashi doing the Ninjutsu portion of the testing, don't you?" Joe stated more than asked.
"Something wrong with that?" Homura asked.
"I don't like the idea of waiting three hours while he stares at the memorial stone, is all," Joe said with a shrug.
"Perhaps you would prefer a prison cell?" Koharu asked nastily.
Joe's response was cut off by three more ninja appearing in swirls of leaves. He immediately recognized Hatake Kakashi, Maito Gai and Yuuhi Kurenai. However, it was the Hokage who spoke, "Ah, Kakashi, Gai, Kurenai, good of you to join us."
"Hokage-Sama," they replied in unison.
"Joe-San, if you would give us a verbal rundown of your skills?" the Hokage asked.
"Uh, okay," Joe said, "Basically nothing in the area of Genjutsu, Kage Bunshin, Bunshin Bakuha, the E-rank three and I am wind-natured and know the Fuuton: Daitoppa and as for Taijutsu, I don't really know how skilled I am since in the one battle I fought, I used my knives mostly."
"Thank you, Joe-San. That should be most helpful," the Hokage replied, "Kurenai, if you would test his ability to resist Genjutsu first?"
"Yes, Hokage-Sama," she replied as she began to preform handsigns for a genjutsu.
"Okay," Joe said as he prepared to attempt disrupting whatever illusion she placed on him. And then, he waited several seconds before asking, "Isn't something supposed to be happening?"
"What?" Kurenai asked in return before saying, "I don't understand. You didn't react to my genjutsu in any way."
"Oh, Joseph, I can explain that to you, but you'll have to tell them yourself," the Faceless One spoke into Joe's mind.
'Well then, don't leave us hanging,' Joe thought back.
"Manners, Joseph, I'm the god here and you will respect me," the Faceless One snarled before Joe was struck with a migraine that nearly knocked him to the ground. Then, just as suddenly, it was gone and the Faceless One was speaking again, "It's simple really, your link to me prevents any illusion from affecting you. It's much like the bond of a Perfect Jinchuuriki and their Biju."
"Right…" Joe replied out loud before telling the Hokage's group, "The Faceless One says no genjutsu will affect me due to my link to him."
"The Faceless One?" was the surprised question asked by everyone but the Hokage and Shikaku.
"You didn't tell them, Hokage-Sama?" Joe asked in disbelief.
The Hokage shrugged before taking out his pipe and lighting it with what looked to be a minor Katon Jutsu and saying, "Your story is rather unbelievable."
"So is the idea that your Fourth Hokage sacrificed himself to the Shinigami to seal the Kyuubi into his own newborn son," Joe replied sarcastically.
That proved to be the wrong thing to say as he found an enraged Kakashi suddenly in front of him holding a kunai to his throat and demanding to know, "How do you know that? It's classified information that outsiders like you shouldn't know."
"Kakashi, stand down!" the Hokage ordered as he took a puff off of his pipe, "As for you, Joe-San, Kakashi is partially right. The information about Uzumaki Naruto being the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi is classified and talking about it is a good way to get yourself executed, understood?"
"Understood, Hokage-Sama," Joe replied quietly as Kakashi sheathed his kunai and stepped away from him.
"Good," the Hokage said, "Gai, if you would test his Taijutsu next?"
"Yosh! Of course, Hokage-Sama," Gai said loudly as he stepped forward to face off with Joe. Then, as they stared each other down, he said, "Let us have a most youthful sparring match."
"Ah, sure thing," Joe replied with a shrug. He then rushed forward to throw a punch at Gai's face which was easily blocked. It went on like this for several minutes with Joe being the aggressor and all his attacks being easily blocked or dodged.
"Decent offense, Joe-San," Gai said before shifting to the offensive himself. Joe was surprised by how long he lasted once Gai put him on the defensive. Finally, one of Gai's punches broke through Joe's guard and he found himself lying on his back several feet away from Gai. Gai then stated, "Not bad defense, either. Overall, I'd say you were mid to upper Chunin in Taijutsu skills, Joe-San."
Joe waited till he could breathe properly again before saying, "Thank you for the spar, Gai-San. Although, it ended up being more of an ass-kicking." He then stood back up and faced the Hokage, saying, "So now it's down to Ninjutsu, huh, Hokage-Sama? How is Kakashi-San supposed to test my abilities there?"
"Yes, Kakashi, do explain to Joe-San what the test of his abilities in Ninjutsu will be," the Hokage said.
"You'll demonstrate the ninjutsu you claim to be proficient in," Kakashi said.
"What?" Joe exclaimed, "You don't even need to be here for that!"
"Just do it," Kakashi replied.
"Fine, but you're still a lazy asshole," Joe grumbled before beginning by replacing himself with a nearby log. Following that he created two clones with the standard Bunshin no Jutsu and then transformed into a copy of the Hokage. Turning back into himself, he said, "And that's the Academy three. Next up, the Kage Bunshin." That said, he performed the handsign for the Jutsu and produced four Kage Bunshin. "Think I'll forego the demonstration of the Bunshin Bakuha and spare your training ground the damage."
"Yes, perhaps that is a good idea," the Hokage said.
Nodding, Joe dispelled his Kage Bunshin. He then turned towards the training grounds and demonstrated the Fuuton: Daitoppa, unleashing a large blast of wind. That done, he said, "I believe that concludes the Ninjutsu demonstration."
"You are correct, Joe-San," the Hokage said, "Return to your apartment for now, I will have your assignment ready tomorrow morning."
"Yes, Hokage-Sama," Joe replied as he bowed.
Three
The next morning, Joe was escorted to the Hokage's office by another ANBU. Upon their arrival, the Hokage said, "Thank you, Dog. You and the others may exit my office for now." After his ANBU guards had left the office, the Hokage activated several seals before speaking again, "Now, Joe-San, we must speak."
"Yes, Hokage-Sama," Joe said before asking, "May I ask about what?"
"You just did. Yesterday, during your skill review, I had a team of ANBU attempt to capture the traitorous Genin team you told Inochi-San about," the Hokage explained.
"Kabuto got away, didn't he?" Joe asked, massaging his temples.
"Yes," the Hokage confirmed, "What's more, his teammates and Jounin-Sensei know little of Orochimaru's activities."
"I would think that Yamanaka-San would have shared everything I know of the situation in his report of his walk through my mind, Hokage-Sama," Joe said.
"He did indeed," the Hokage said, taking a pipe out of his desk, filling it with tobacco and lighting it with the minor Katon Jutsu from the day before. Taking a puff off his pipe, he continued, "However, all of the information you gave him gave us little we could actually act upon."
"I don't understand," Joe said in confusion.
"Your information was focused mainly on Naruto-Kun and mostly about future events that may not even be accurate anymore due to differences in past events, such as Danzo being caught and executed and your own interference in Wave Country," the Hokage explained.
"Maybe, but that doesn't change the fact that Kabuto is formerly of Danzo's Root ANBU and is currently Orochimaru's right hand. You're most likely going to regret him getting away," Joe said, "But enough about snakes for now. What would you have me do next?"
"You're assigned to the mission office for now, Joe-San," the Hokage replied.
"What, you have me pushing papers?" Joe exclaimed in surprise.
" "I'll have you know that a large part of being Hokage is "pushing papers," Joe-San," the Hokage said while giving Joe a death glare, "Do you have a problem with your assignment?"
"No, Hokage-Sama," Joe replied shakily.
"Good," the Hokage replied, deactivating the seals in his office, "Now, go."
AN
Another half a year for another rather short chapter. Damn, I suck! But, anyway, to the few people who read this, I would be thankful for reviews. And to the even fewer who have faved or followed my story, have even more thank yous!