"Crazy, get the Newcomers," Master Hand announced to his brother.
"HEY ROY! HEY YOUNG LINK! HEY PICHU! HEY DR. MARIO! HEY MEWTWO!" The less-sane hand shouted to the ex-Smashers.
"Hey," they all grumbled in response.
"YOU GUYS HAVE TO HELP US OUT! THEY TOOK MY BEST FRIEND AWAY!"
"I honestly don't think Ganondorf really liked you that much, Crazy," Young Link told him.
"REALLY?!"
"Yeah. He always talked about 'that damn hand keeps stalking me, and I'm going to take Link and Zelda's Triforces away just to stop it.'"
"NO WAY!"
"Umm, yeah. He said that more than once everyday."
"BUT I LOVED HIM!" Crazy Hand looked about as sad as a hand possibly could. For a hand, he wasn't doing too bad. Just kidding, it was the worst display of sadness that I've ever seen.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to find the Newcomers," Mewtwo announced.
"They're all in their quarters, but I'll have them go to the Smash Auditorium. Take Sonic with you, and I'll be there in a few as well to give them the assignment," Master Hand told them.
With that, the psychic Pokémon left the room, with the rest of the ex-Smashers tagging along, Sonic still being frozen, and Dr. Mario finally shutting the hell up because Master Hand got him a new McChicken.
~At The Smash Auditorium~
"Everyone, please take your seats, thank you," Master Hand said, trying to get all fifteen Newcomers calmed down, Sonic was thawed out with the Pokémon Trainer's Ice Heal. "Now I know that you think this is insane, and I do too. But it's all we could come up with. I've decided that you guys are going to go after the Veterans."
"And how the hell do you expect for us to do that?" Wolf asked. Honestly, you can be mad at him? I would have said it too. "There's only fifteen of us, anyway. Who knows if they would make the Veterans fight us along with whoever took them! We would be far outnumbered."
"Actually, no. The numbers will still not be in our favor, but the odds are slightly better. Because they didn't take all of the Veterans. Only the active ones. There's still five more, and they are going to help us with this. Dr. Mario, Young Link, Mewtwo, Roy, and Pichu."
With that, the group stepped out onto the stage, completely unsure of what they should do.
"Introduce yourselves," the large hand said.
"You already did, why should we?" Mewtwo asked, being a smartass.
"Because I kindly asked you too."
"Shouldn't they introduce themselves too?"
"Debit card."
The Veterans all go silent. The Newcomers are silent. Ganondorf is silent. Jesus is silent. Harambe is silent.
Roy decides to take the mic. "I'm Roy. I like beer and puppies. And capes."
Young Link takes the mic. Sadly, because he is 10 and not 17 like he is in the future, he has to lower the mic. "I'm Young Link. I am also Link. I like the color green."
"I'm Pichu. I evolve into Pikachu."
"I'm-a-Dr. Mario, and I like-a-McChicken."
Mewtwo used levitate to make the microphone move to his mouth. Does he even have a mouth?
"I'm Mewtwo, I will fuck all of you up." Sounds like someone ran out of Xanax...
The ex-Smashers let Master Hand take the mic again. "I don't know how they're going to do this, so, umm, yeah. Go do the thing I guess. Shit, where's Crazy?"
"My weird mind mojo tells me that he is right behind you."
The massive hand instantly turned around, seeing his insane brother, building a statue of Ganondorf… out of Poptarts. What the fuck is wrong with him? I have no clue. Thank you, Mewtwo's weird mind mojo.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.
"Why are you building a statue of Ganon?" Young Link asked, clearly terrified.
"I FUCKING LOVE HIM! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!"
"Umm, kinda."
"WELL, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT LINK! WHY DON'T YOU FUCK YOURSELF WITH THAT DAMN OCARINA?!"
"I don't think Zelda would be too happy about that…" The young boy trailed off.
"AND YOU! WITH YOUR DAMN MCCHICKEN. HONESTLY, NO ONE, INCLUDING GRANDMA, GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT IT. SO WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING HANG YOURSELF WITH IT OR SOMETHING?!"
Before Dr. Mario could start sobbing about the threats towards him, Link, being the smart kid that he is, pulled out the mentioned Ocarina, and played the Song Of Time, taking them back thirty seconds in the past.
"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.
Young Link just turned away, and walked out of the auditorium, the other ex-Smashers following him, not really knowing why, but Young Link was the one with the most common sense, which was really sad, because he doesn't even get the Triforce of Wisdom when he's 17. Shame.
"Why did you leave?" Roy asked Young Link.
"Wait five seconds."
The sobbing of Crazy Hand was heard once again. Probably because Wolf told him off again. Whoops.
"So what-a-do we do now?" Dr. Mario questioned.
"Wait, I guess. I don't know," Pichu replied.
Mewtwo was taking note of the insults Crazy Hand was spewing out and trying to make them more offensive.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL, AND HARAMBE FUCKING TAKES YOUR BODY AND FUCKS IT, YOU GOD DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT."
Young Link walked over to Pichu, and covered her ears, since she was technically was the youngest, even though she was three years older than Young Link. But Young Link was an adult at one point. And he would have stayed an adult if Zelda didn't send him back in time. Honestly, why did she get Wisdom? I feel like even Ganondorf would have used it better than she would have.
"I know, right." Ganondorf mentioned. Wait a second…
"How did he even get here? He was kidnapped with the other Veterans…" the author said out loud to herself.
"I'm breaking the fourth wall," he simply replied.
"Where are you guys so I can make the ex-Smashers and the Newcomers find you."
"Sorry, can't do that."
"Asshole."
"Thank you."
"Go away."
The author waited 12 seconds, and without a reply from the self-proclaimed 'King of Evil', went back to listening to Rob Zombie and wrote this very line that you're reading right now. Anywhore…
"I think it's safe now," Roy told the rest of the group.
They all walked back in the room, seeing Crazy Hand eating leftover anchovy and kush pizza. Shit, he doesn't have a fucking mouth, God dammit.
"Well, I had a good run. I guess it's time to hang up the noose," Crazy Hand announced to the room.
"How would you hang yourself? You don't have a head, you're a fucking hand," Wolf told the large hand. Oh shit…
The large hand, once again, started sobbing out of his fucking fingers, because he doesn't have eyes, and I had to improvise. I'm going to shoot you, Wolf. After I shoot myself, of course.
Young Link, having ran out of ideas, decided it would be a good idea to play the Song of Time. I think we all know where this is going…
"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.
The young Hylian then pulled out his Hero's Bow, and shot the Hand with an Ice Arrow.
"Why did you shoot Crazy?" Master Hand asked.
"Trust me," was all the Hylian boy said.